Times like these

5am. 

Sitting in a corner of the room expressing milk. 

Just came out of the baby's room after carrying and swaying and rocking and patting her for an hour.

She'd taken just half of her milk, refused the rest and then refused to go back to sleep as well. 

It is at times like these...with an exhausted body and a sleep-deprived brain....That my nostrils start flaring, my pupils get dilated. And I start chanting "f*ck this shit, f*ck this shit, f*ck this shit" 

It is at times like these that I feel even more so that motherhood is actually a rather lonely journey and you go at it alone for a portion of the time. 

It is at times like these that I wonder how other mothers cope with 3 or 4 or even 5 kids. Popular blogger mum of motherinc.org is carrying her 5th child now, after swearing off them when she had her 4th one. And she's younger than me. 

It is at times like these when I feel the desperate need to just hole myself up in my corner and not give a f*ck about anything. Heck the (again) growing pile of junk. Heck the grocery list. Heck the menu list. Heck all the Xmas presents list. Heck the dust balls that the helper missed out on. 

Dear Lord, grant me patience, some determination, some perseverance and... lots of love. 

Oh pfffttt. The elder one just woke. Pffffttt.