.....

The feeling of rejection has never been greater. 

Happy Two Weeks Precious Girl

How time flies.

Your cheeks have grown chubbier.

You're still as feisty. 

You've developed more facial expressions.

Your hair's turning a lighter shade.

Your toes are still wriggling all the time.

Your face is getting more squarish.

You're liking the music from the cot mobile now. 

You still don't enjoy bathing.

And daddy and mummy love you even more each day. 

This Morning

Horror is when

You accidentally drop the milk bottle

Without its cover on

Sadness is when

You know the milk bottle contains 

Your own milk

Exasperation is when

You find that you need to clean the floor 

And squat with your still slightly aching wound

Relief is when

You realise that the milk bottle

Contains only 10ml of your milk (and not 80ml)

Thankfulness is when

You realise that you still have 

Enough supply to pump out for your child

Acceptance is when

You tell yourself that this is just a tiny incident

Get a grip and move on

6 different emotions

Fleeting by all within 3 seconds 

Such is life

Periphery

The edge

The outskirts

The outer boundary 

The shadows

The sidelines

The perimeter

The brink

The verge 

The outermost 

Me-time Thoughts

Too much noise

Too many people

Too many hands 

Too much for 

This introvert me

Need a peaceful

Sanctuary of sorts

K, N and I 

Three of us

Still a dream 

To be fulfilled

I Wonder...

By the time my confinement ends...

- How many litres of longan-red date-ginger tea I would have consumed.

- How many kampong chickens were used to cook my meals or to make soup for me.

- How many cups of brown rice were used for my meals.

- How many kilograms of ginger, red dates, black dates, dried longans and lemongrass were used to make my meals, drinks and bathing water. 

- How many eggs were used for my daily breakfast.

- How many millilitres of Martel VSOP were used to brew soups for me.

- How many bottles of chicken essence I consumed. 

- How many cups of Milo I consumed. 

- How many slices of ngor hee, cod and sang yu fish slices I had

As a New Mum

You come to realise several things:

1. Every drop counts. This has never taken on more meaning for me than it has now that I am breastfeeding and expressing milk.

2. Everyone wants a piece of the action, be it just seeing and touching the baby, or taking care of the baby, or feeding the baby, or cleaning the baby, ....

3. The number of people I've physically exposed myself to over the last 11 days is way way way more than the number of people who have seen me naked/semi-naked in my entire life. Flashing my boobs to others while breastfeeding or expressing milk in the house (except my FIL of course) seems the norm these days. 

4. Frustration, being upset and having some form of helplessness sets in pretty easily. I guess the phenomenon of postnatal blues is true, especially in the first 2 weeks after delivery. Trying to keep a positive and calmer mindset, although external factors are difficult to control. 

5. While it is perplexing not being able to understand your baby's cries and trying to learn how to care for your baby, seeing your baby smile or sleep peacefully in her cot is enough to shoo away any negativities there might be. 

6. While there are guidelines, advice and suggestions, ultimately a lot of things are based on gut feel, and trial and error. It becomes a perpetual on-the-job-training, which makes sense in a way, since it is a lifelong responsibility raising a child. 

Wise Words

照顾baby要有三个心：爱心， 耐心，专心。

- Auntie Chiew Fong, the super confinement nanny

So so true. Maybe I'll add on another 心：恒心

Happy Birthday

17 October 2013.

My 33rd birthday must be my most memorable ever, although it was spent quietly at home. Well-wishes and greetings from friends and family warmed my heart and I received 2 surprises at the same time. Dear K got a red velvet cake for me and it was adorned with pretty red rose buds on the top. Ally and PQ arranged for a lovely bouquet with purple-pink roses to be sent to me and it was accompanied by a cheese and salted caramel cake.

And of course, I gave myself a big present this year too. Went through some   hardship getting the present "delivered". Pun intended. BUT, it was well worth it. :) 

呼吸

忍一时风平浪静，退一步海阔天空

深呼吸一下

小事，没事

The Arrival

It was like how I remembered it to be. During the brain op back in 2005, I wasn't wearing specs when they wheeled me towards the operating theatre. I remembered feeling dizzy looking at the bright corridor lights above me.

It was the same this time round on the morning of 9 Oct 2013. Rows of white fluorescent lights flashed by in a blurry line above me while I lay in a trolley bed and the attendants wheeled me past corners, into lifts and past corridors. 

I was put in a holding area, more nurses and attendants came by, all asking the same questions. "What is your name?" " What is your IC number?" And then they would slip back into their own hospital speak to update each other on what or where I was supposed to be going through next. I had to sign some documents, all of which I can't remember what they were about. There were cheery, sincere, friendly nurses and docs, there was a fair share of stoic, rigid, straight-faced nurses and docs as well. 

The experience in the actual OT room was vastly different though. I was awake this time round, very fully aware of the large number of people in the room, the beepings of the monitoring equipments, the clanking of the operation tools, the very bright lights above the operation table, the very very cold air, the sound of people putting on surgical gloves, the sound of the main doc issuing instructions, the buzz of an electric shaver, the light banter between the docs and nurses and whoever else was in there....

I was given two jabs into my spine to numb me from the tummy area to my toes. I was given a shave down there. Different people were working on various parts of me. I was bombarded with questions and updates all at the same time. It was overwhelming. All I wanted to tell them was "Can you all stop making so much noise? I need space, give me space. I am feeling claustrophobic now. I am scared." 

Scary could be a word to describe the experience. Traumatising seems exaggerated so maybe overwhelming might be more appropriate. 

I did not feel the blade when they cut into me. But I could feel the swaying. My body was swaying from left to right when they made the incision. I remember telling them I felt nauseous and breathless. And I remembered someone saying it was a normal reaction to the anaesthetic. Some other lady told me to relax. Someone stuck a syringe into my drip plug and left it crudely sticking out from the plug. Someone else adjusted a wire snaking up my arm and onto my chest. I recognized my gynae's voice and he was telling me that they needed to push down on my belly. 

Push they did. I felt my belly emptying and the next thing I knew was that I heard the loudest baby cry ever. It filled the entire OT room and more and it kept on going. Someone above my head said "Congratulations." Someone else further away commented "Wow that's loud." Someone said "Female." And then Little Baby's genitalia was thrust into my view and then whisked away again. 

Someone else made her way to the side of my head and introduced herself and told me that my baby would be placed on me for skin to skin contact. 

And then suddenly, she was plonked onto my chest. This squirmy and somewhat sticky little thing, with blinking eyes and scratchy fingers. 

I thought I would cry the first time I saw her but I didn't. The speed and intensity at which things happened probably didn't give me time to react emotionally. I often wondered what my reaction would be and what I would say to her. 

In the end, I only managed a cheesy "Hello Little Baby". And I wondered if she heard it because I still had on my oxygen mask. 

I held her. She's so soft and small and red, I thought to myself. She was squirming and made little mewing and squealing sounds. She had long fingernails and was scratching at my chest. And then it hit me, she had a full head of fluffy, luscious, wavy hair! 

Welcome to this world Little Baby. Our little Nadya. Daddy and Mummy love you. 

The Month of October

October is usually a significant month for me, mainly because my birthday falls within this month. Two years ago, it took on an extra significance because K and I had our ROM on 8 Oct 2011. And now, October takes on an even greater significance for me because our precious little girl was born on 9 Oct 2013.

The other good thing to happen this October was that I got promoted at work. My boss called it a "double happiness" and that he "engineered" the timing of the promotion to help me celebrate the arrival of my little one. Lol...his uncle humour is so cute at times. 

Sweet K

Touched to the max. K was supposed to head home tonight and then call me when he settled down. He was supposed to come again to the hospital tomorrow morning at 7-plus. I waited for a long time but he didn't call. And then suddenly he appeared at my bedside in the ward again, armed with an overnight bag this time round. *touched*

Nobody stopped him from coming in to the wards anyway and so he settled down into the chair next to my bed and tried to get to sleep. Unfortunately though, an auntie nurse came by an hour later to shoo him away...:( 

Now poor K has to sleep outside in the general area...

Last nice meal before confinement begins

Well, Mac was the easiest craving to indulge in before I started my fast at 11pm on Tues night. :) Thanks to K who ordered it in for me.

Preggy Homer?

Can't help but feel there's a slight (physical/bodily) similarity between Homer Sompson and me at this point in time...hmm. :)

Wish I could sleep as soundly as him though. 

Awake

Tired. But I can't seem to sleep again. Been flipping around for the last 2-plus almost 3 hours, alternating between trying to sleep and fiddling with my phone.

Little Baby's squirming around. I can feel her ever so often. Maybe she knows d-day is drawing very near.

Oh Bleah, may the sweet whispers of sleep find me soon...

All set

Am loving the yellow hues and of course the lovely little bunny. :) 

Good news on a Friday morning

Dad called me excitedly this morning. From his voice, I could tell he was very happy and most probably had a huge grin on his face. :) 

He was at my granny's place and it seemed that she was much more alert today. She could recognize him although she was still not talking. When he showed her pictures of Adrian, Marc and I, she nodded. She actually had the presence of mind to point to the chair to get my Dad to sit down and she could also feed herself today. 

I was so happy to hear about all these. :D 

Wish I had been there to witness this. 

Go Mama go! 

Of books

I'm sorry Mr Lee. I respect you and all but your book is rather dry to me (I've only managed to read till page 20) and I've decided to switch to Mr Gladwell's book for the time being.

Maybe next time I'll give your book a try again ok? No hard feelings ya. :) 

Je veux me coucher mais....

I'm tired but wide awake again. Sleep eludes me somehow. My eyelids are heavy and I've tried closing them for at least the past hour-plus. To no avail. 

I hope I won't be groggy throughout the entire day tomorrow, like how I was today. 

Wonder if counting sheep helps. 

One little lamb

Two little lambs

Three little lambs 

.......

.....

....

..

Bits n pieces

I am officially on leave from today till February next year, which means I can officially be "bochup" about work.

But my boss seems to not get it in his head yet that I'm on leave already and he is still sending me emails. He's an old man, maybe he needs loads of reminding or maybe he refuses to accept the fact that I won't be around for 4-plus months lol. 

===============

The countdown went from months to weeks and now it's reduced to days. Part excited, part jittery! 

===============

The ideas, comments and opinions are coming in already. To bring up your child, you should do this and that, you can't do this and that, you need to feed your child this and that, you must train your child on this and that, you must do it this way, you have to, etc....

Keeping fingers crossed that I have the patience to deal with all of these going forward. 

===============

Am wondering. Now that my appetite has expanded, will I be able to get it back to usual pre-pregnancy levels after I deliver? 

Hmmm...

It's interesting to note how some folks consciously or sub-consciously self-invite themselves to your functions. Functions which you have not even started planning for.

Before I had my wedding dinner, I heard these: 

"Must remember to invite me to your wedding ok!"

Or

"When are you holding your dinner? I want to be there."

And now, even before Little Baby is born: 

"I'm sure you'll be having a manyue celebration right? 记得要请我ok"

Or

"You're having the one-month old celebration right? You can return the stuff (which I lent you earlier) to me then."

Hmmm...lol. 

Big Smile of the Day - Part II

We saw Dr Tan earlier this afternoon and Little Baby is now 2.7-2.8kg. And she's still growing rapidly. Jiayou and grow well little one!

Tell Mummy what you wish to eat too so that Daddy can go get it for us. :D :D :D

Big Smile of the Day - Part I

Tada! A lovely pot of sweet basil. With big, fat and fragrant leaves lol.

Thank you Ally!! :))) I love the colour of the pot too! Yay! 

New perspectives

Oh lookie, I found me a new mini desk. :D

小猪猪

Cute ter-kia from 大中国. Given to me by a colleague last Thursday and gobbled up by Saturday. :) 

Voila...36 weeks

Let's see now...pregnancy changes your body in ways you didn't know quite possible lol.

1. The aircon is on right now. I'm still sweating like a pig and feeling like I'm in an oven. Yep, I know, I'm hot. 

2. I'm getting skin discolourations in several places, some of which I shan't mention here. Even the backs of my thighs have brown patches running down them now. Uglification. Is there such a word?

3. Little bumps, some colourless, some brown, seem to enjoy popping up all over my chest and belly. Most have been long term occupiers since several months back. A few new tenants seem to prefer setting up camp on my cheekbones instead. And I can't evict them at all, stop short of carving them out with a blade or something.

4. Sitting demurely is quite out of the question now. I can't even keep my knees together for more than 5mins. Oh, to hell with it, if I'm in a dress and my knickers are saying hi to the world, so be it. 

5. The last time I felt the coppery taste of blood running down my throat was when I was still in primary school. I felt it twice again in the last couple of weeks. The doc said it's common with expectant ladies. Afterall, we're carrying an extra 30-40% more blood volume than usual. 

6. I've always had a healthy appetite. But. I never knew I could eat so much. 

7. Breathlessness in these last few weeks is a definite bane. At times, the huffing and puffing I go through almost convinces me that I've morphed into an old woman. 

8. I'm pretty amazed at the elasticity of the human skin. Enough said. 

9. I seem to be taking copious amounts of water in a day, like averaging 2L or maybe more a day or so, and I still feel thirsty sometimes. 

10. And the list goes on...nausea, tiredness, on and off constipation...

Less than 3 weeks to go. 

Ganbatte Michelle! 

Slap in the face?

The irony of it. I made a big boo boo in my own paper. So maybe I don't have the right anymore to chastise people when they don't do typo n grammar checks for their papers.

SIGH. Bleah

O.M.G.

Woke this morning thinking:

OMG. 3.5weeks left to D-Day. 

职业病?

I have been editing and proof-reading alot of reports and papers since last week. It irks me immeasurably that people don't bother to check for consistency, typos, grammatical errors and other mistakes in their documents. These are to be submitted to the Board leh and you churn out such stuff with glaring errors? Sigh. 

Are my expectations high? I don't think so. It's kinda like, how can I take you seriously if you don't even bother with the most basic of report and paper writing? 

More Preparations

Kettles and flasks cleaned and used and ready.

Clothes, nappies and blankets washed and in the midst of drying. 

Unpacking the milk bottles now lol...and trying to make sense of them all. Different sizes and colours and shapes! 

Motivation

I have zero affinity with ironing. Never liked it, especially when my mum forced me to do it when I was a teenager. Spent awhile ironing this morning and was feeling bored and restless till I found a way to motivate myself muahahahha. 

I know I'm not supposed to snack while pregnant but once in a looooooong while is ok lah. Right? :D 

Besides, the last time I ever had Twisties was years ago! 

Preparations and Counting Down

The cot has arrived!

More preps are underway. Unpacking the things we'd bought and putting them away into storage boxes or shelves or drawers. Washing up the new hot flask, using the airpot, testing the warmer, washing the baby's clothes and linen, etc. Clearing up other things we don't need.

Counting down. Suddenly it went from a few months down the road to...ack....4.5 weeks down the road only. 

Improvisation

When you forget to bring your hair clip to work, a plastic paper clip works fine too! Lol. 

Early Morning Conversation

MIL: You're getting more tired is it?
me: Ya. I'm not sleeping well also lah.
MIL: How come?
me: *cites several reasons*
MIL: I see. Ya lah, it also happens when you're more advanced in age when you get pregnant.
me: *nods*


Ack...
This is the first time someone has used this term on me......."more advanced in age"........

*wails*  :(

Losing some zen

Tigers and Monkeys are directly  opposite each other in the Chinese Zodiac. As such, people of these signs apparently don't get along with each other. 

I find it somewhat true, especially in my relationships with Tigers born in 1974. While things are generally ok, sometimes situations get a little testy. I'm fine with older Tigers though, maybe with age comes more tolerance as well and they are more toned down compared to their younger counterparts. 

Just had a testy conversation with a teammate. Well, at least I found it testy, my hackles were slightly raised, tone of voice was different from normal though I still kept a restrained, neutral face. 

Lun. Maybe it's just me who's been a little impatient and quick to fly off the handle this week. Maybe I should manage myself (and my surge of hormones) more. 

Laugh of the Day

My in-house legal counsel just realized that I'm pregnant. Lol and he has seen me on several occasions in the last few months, at least 5-6 times, if not more. It took him so long to realize and he called himself a dimwit hahaa.

Les Moutons

Found these pics online and I think they're hilariously cute.

Breathe in, breathe out

Bad Monday so far.

Bad jam in the morning. 1h15mins on the bus made me quite queasy. 

Then HR told me "too bad, public holidays during your maternity leave won't be compensated for." There's at least 3 days of PH during my ML. That's half a week!!

And then the bloody Yong tau fu stall got my lunch order very wrong. Redid my order and but then found out that they shortchanged me 2 items. NB. 

Breathe in, breathe out. 

Granny

Came by to see granny and found her in such an odd sleeping position. Well, whatever makes her comfy. :)

The nurses just applied moisturizing lotion all over her. I appreciate that as it helps keep her skin hydrated and not so dry. When her skin gets too dry, it gets itchy and she scratches herself, more often than not with too much strength and then her skin breaks and sometimes festers into small sores, which bring her even more discomfort. 

She has not called my name since the start of this year. In fact, she's not called nor recognized any of us since then as well. Breaks my heart. I think Dad feels upset about it as well but tries not to show it too much.

When I started to show a few months back, I told her that I'm pregnant with her great-grandchild and got her to feel my belly. I hoped she understood it then. She could still catch our gazes at that point in time. Now when I'm bigger, she doesn't even want to look at us at all and usually just sleeps. Even when having her lunch, her eyes are mostly closed. 

Right now, she's just staring into space and not responding when I try to speak to her. She just nods but she doesn't really register anything. 

And lately, according to the nurses, she's taken to biting things. She just chewed her pillowcase. It's really a second childhood of sorts, she's like a teething baby now. 

Sigh. When LB is old enough to be brought out, I'll bring her to see her great-grandmother first. And we'll definitely need to take a picture with my Dad as well, 4 generations in one pic. Yes, that has to be done. 

Need. To. Vent. And. Rant.

Met alot of fucking idiots on the bus today. Maybe it's a suay day. Simply cannot believe it. People vacated their seats for me only to have others rush to take the seats instead. Like WTH?? Happened twice somemore. And no, just because you're a foreigner doesn't mean you can act blur.

Wasn't feeling well and decided to catch a cab home. Spent 15mins calling and calling but couldn't get a single one. Took the bus instead and ended up meeting these ridiculous people and then now I'm caught in a bloody jam. 

Wah lan eh. Sibei dulan.

There, I feel better already. 

Introverts

Interesting article about introverts and their common traits.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/08/20/introverts-signs-am-i-introverted_n_3721431.html

 

While reading the article, I identified myself with around 12-15 of these traits. Showed up in my MBTI profiling as well. Double confirm! I am definitely bigger majority introvert, tiny minority extrovert.

Extracted for convenient reading. The 23 common traits of introverts.

1. You find small talk incredibly cumbersome.

2. You go to parties – but not to meet people.
3. You often feel alone in a crowd.
4. Networking makes you feel like a phony.
5. You've been called "too intense."
6. You're easily distracted.
7. Downtime doesn’t feel unproductive to you.
8. Giving a talk in front of 500 people is less stressful than having to mingle with those people afterwards.
9. When you get on the subway, you sit at the end of the bench -– not in the middle.
10. You start to shut down after you’ve been active for too long.
11. You're in a relationship with an extrovert.
12. You'd rather be an expert at one thing than try to do everything.
13. You actively avoid any shows that might involve audience participation.
14. You screen all your calls -- even from friends.
15. You notice details that others don't.
16. You have a constantly running inner monologue.
17. You have low blood pressure.
18. You’ve been called an “old soul” – since your 20s.
19. You don't feel "high" from your surroundings
20. You look at the big picture.
21. You’ve been told to “come out of your shell.”
22. You’re a writer.
23. You alternate between phases of work and solitude, and periods of social activity.

Have you eaten??

Lol this was a lame conversation I just had with a colleague. I had gone to dabo lunch and was on the way back to office when I met him at the lift lobby.

Him: eh hello! 你吃饱了啊？

Me: oh no lah. 刚刚去打包而以。

Him: orh, 我以为你吃饱了。因为你看起来很饱，肚子这样大！

Me: ah?? .......-_-"  你很lame leh!!!

Warm Morning

Feeling less cool and calm these 2-3 days. Maybe I'm getting warmer. 

Was a little annoyed that I missed my bus this morning simply because I couldn't cross the road in time to catch my bus on the other side of the road. So near, yet so far. 

And then I realized I might have been more than a little annoyed because I was muttering "big f*ck, f*ck, f*ck...." under my breathe lol. 

In any case, calmed myself down in a few minutes by camwhoring. 

Sidenote: Ally's down with cough and a bad throat, PQ had a bad throat yesterday too. And this morning I woke with a bad throat too. I don't think bad throats can be "spread" by whatsapp hor? Lol

mid-day rant

Any public servant not at an admin level would understand the pain involved in doing minuting.

It's alright if you're assigned to do minuting for matters you are familiar with. But when you're arrowed to undertake minuting responsibilities for things completely out of your scope and depth, it's almost sheer torture.

The acronyms involved, the various parties and divisions involved, the way everyone speaks so quickly or mumble their way through, the scramble to jot down things you don't understand nor have an inkling about, the rush to deliver the notes of meeting within the next 2 days......Plus, because you are not familiar with the subjects discussed, you cannot catch the subtle nuances of the bosses who are reporting the issues on hand.

I was frustrated this morning during the 1.5hr meeting. I only understood 15% of it. The rest of the time I was feeling confused, lost and tired. And it didn't help that LB was having a ball of a time kicking and squirming around quite alot. She must have been excited at hearing new voices lol.

Anyway, enough of ranting. Back to my drafting of minutes.......boooo.

Heaviest I've ever been

Stepped on the scale this morning.

It's official, I've crossed 58kg. My guesstimate is that I'll hit 61-62kg by the time I'm due. 

Wonder how heavy Little Baby is right now. Jiayou with the growing LB! 

Beefy lunch today

Stocking up on iron and protein and eating more beef these days since we seldom have red meat at home. :) 

Food glorious food

能吃是福！

Realized that my pregnancy cravings are mainly: tomato-based pasta, hor fun, toasted bread, pork floss bun, cheeseburger and filet-o-fish. If chye tow kueh were easily accessible and not so oily, I think I'll be having alot of it as well lol.

==========

Looking forward to having my fill these last couple of weeks before I get stuck at home with confinement and plain foods...

==========

Maybe I should start planning my daily lunch meals so that I get the most kick out of it! hee...

Snippets from Parwin's wedding reception

This was on 10 Aug. 

Walking around in a sari is challenging. Walking around in a sari with a pregnant belly is doubly challenging lol. 

Loved the bling on the sari though the colour didn't suit me that well. Would have loved being in cyan/aquamarine or black! :))

Unfortunately I don't have any pics of the bride on my phone! Couldn't get good angles from where I was sitting. 

Breathe...

Slightly frazzled. Had a bad dream last night. 

Dreams are common for pregnant women. But some of mine can be a little disturbing at times.

Deep breaths. Need to stay zen.

Amidst everything.

Déjeuner avec Cher

I first met Cher when I joined her French class back in 2007. That’s 6 years already and we’ve had our share of fun moments with the rest of the Frenchies.

She’s a real cool lady even though she’s at least 15 years older than most of us.

 

She came by my office to have lunch with me yesterday. Said something about having to meet up at least once before I deliver haha.  Thoroughly enjoyed lunch with her and I really appreciated her swinging by. Simple meals can be made even more wonderful if you’ve the right company with you. :)

 

Merci beaucoup Cher, pour un déjeuner agréable et amusant! :)

Hehe

Awesomeness is when your mother-in-law buys you green tea KitKat. :D

无影脚

Yep, she's a feisty one.

Dr Tan was using his scanner on me yesterday afternoon. She must have hated being poked by the scanner and kicked back several times. Lol it was quite funny because he was trying to measure the length of her femur and she was kicking so furiously he couldn't get a reading at all.

He had to stop for a few seconds before trying again.

Keep growing well little one. :)

Thoughts

Self-doubt occasionally reaches out even to the best of us.

I’m just a normal girl and reservations about my own abilities float into my thoughts from time to time. More in recent days and I think it’ll be on my mind even more so as October draws nearer.

October. That’s when Little Baby arrives.

So what’s on my mind now? Plenty.

Will the wound hurt alot from the C-section? Can I manage holding her and feeding her without wincing in pain from the wound?

Will I produce enough milk? Can I handle breastfeeding? What if she doesn’t latch on? How the hell do I know if she’s had enough?

What if I run out of patience and feel like slapping her when she cries uncontrollably? Will I scream at her? Will I shout at her?

Will I be able to bathe and clean her properly? What if she inherits my not-so-good body constitution instead of her father’s robustness?

Will I be a good mother? Can I handle things? Can I handle her?

Will I be able to inculcate good values in her as she grows older? Will I be able to set a good example for her to emulate? Will I bring her up well?

I’d like to think I am not the only one to think or feel this way whether as a soon-to-be mother or a new mother. Or maybe some mothers questions themselves even when their kids have grown up.

Whatever it is, come what may, I’ll be winging it and doing the best I can.

Of course, with K charging on by my side as well. :)

Touched

I take the bus to work each day. The bus-stop is a distance away from my office and now that the belly's getting bigger, I usually take a short rest at a bench along the way.

I was sitting there this morning and an Indian lady in her 20s walked past me. I might have been panting or rubbing my belly for she did an about-turn and asked me if I was ok or needed any help. 

So sweet of her to check on me. *touched* Really appreciate her early morning kindness! Many people walk past me each morning when I'm sitting at that bench but none has ever done what she did. 

Argh

Bringing my water bottle out and realizing  I'd forgotten to fill it with water seems a common thing these days.

But I brought my blurness/stupidity/absentminded-ness to a whole new level just now.

I closed the car door on my own right hand earlier on. 

Luckily my left hand was doing the closing and it wasn't done using full force. Otherwise, the hurt to my right hand would have been much worse. 

Still, the top of my right hand's aching a little now and reddish. 

Argh.

Hitting the Big Three

The first time it happened was in 2010, the year I turned 30. I didn't think much of it then. Sure, it was a milestone in the story of my life but I didn't think about it much. At least not till I realized that more wrinkles started appearing, my dark eye circles became darker, dreaded cellulite started appearing and my stamina was no longer what it used to be.

And now I've hit the big three again. Another milestone in the story of my life. A special, significant one. And I should add, a special chapter in the story of K's life and the story of Little Baby's life too. :) 

Yep, we've hit 30 weeks. Another 8 weeks or so before LB leaves her dim, cushioned, watery, bubbly world and enters our world, one full of sights and sounds and other glorious things for her to explore. 

Grow well for now LB and be a healthy, happy, normal, big and strong baby! (Well um, not too big though lol) 

Parwin's wedding

Random shots from Parwin's wedding. First time ever attending a Sikh wedding :) Here's wishing her and Desh a blessed and blissful marriage! 

Hypocrisy

Colleague A complains to me from time to time about Colleague B.
"She talks bullshit. She always wants to win. She acts like she knows it all. She talks big. She's this....She's that....."

But then acts all chummy with that Colleague B in person. Giggling and gossiping together and walking to the MRT together after work.

Oh well, hypocrisy is everywhere I guess.

Not so good a Monday morning

Written at 940am.

Half wet dress, damp hair, wet shoes, wet legs, wet feet, wet arms, wet bag.  

Quite dislike the icky, squishy, mushy and mucky feeling of wet feet in wet shoes. With a few grains of dirt and sand thrown in the mix.

Reached office and added my dripping wet umbrella to the already existing row of wet umbrellas behind my desk. Boss came by and gave a chirpy quip: “Wah you all selling umbrellas ah?!”

I chose to ignore him. In fact, no one else bothered to reply him also. We don’t drive boss, we take the public transport and are subject to the elements of weather boss….

Spent 10-15mins cleaning and drying myself and the rest of my items up.

Ok, enough of early morning bitching. Time to get down to work….

Ganbatte on a cold morning!!!

What the {^*~€¥¥>*#{]>*#

How kns can this get? Been waiting for 45 mins for my bus. When I wanted to take an available cab, an idiot beat me to it. 

How not to get pissed? Sigh....

Munchies

Kinda screwed. I couldn't resist it again. I finished the whole Pocky box before lunch. Ai-yai-yai....

Traditional pen, paper, notebook

I've always loved notebooks. I've bought many simply because I loved their covers or paper quality but ended up not using them at all. 

I received this customized notebook from a colleague for Christmas last year but I've not used it yet haha. I've yet to find a purpose for it so I'm just gonna keep it aside first. :) 

Counting my blessings for today

1. A nice gentleman gave up his seat for me on the bus when I was going home. 

2. Had a relatively productive workday today compared to the rest of the week. 

3. Managed to "play" with Little Baby this afternoon. She'd kick, I'd tap my tummy at the same spot and she'd kick again. Went on for a good 10mins or so. :)

4. Will be going for ramen with K for dinner! 

Errrr?

A guy just greeted me at the pantry by saying: "Hi, 大肚婆!"

Given that we hardly speak to each other in office, and usually just give each other a nod as a greeting, it came as a surprise and honestly, I thought it was a little brusque.

Om Nom Nom - Part 2

Constantly hungry these 2 days.
Munching on something every 2 hours or so.
Feeling like a rabbit or hamster now.
Nibble nibble nibble.

Oh dear, Oh dear.
Started on chocolate Pocky.
Not so healthy a snack.
Nibble nibble nibble.

830am, 930am, 1045am.
1245pm, 230pm, 445pm.
More than a newborn's frequency of feedings?
Nibble nibble nibble.

Om Nom Nom

I'm stuffing myself with food already and my dear colleague KH just got me more food lol... My fav chicken feuillete from Delifrance. How ah? I keep eating!

Describing Singapore's political system

A friend from Hong Kong and I were discussing about different countries within Asia and eventually came to a conclusion that Singapore was a good place to reside and work in. He also recently applied for a job opening in Singapore and is awaiting news on the success of his application.

He added “Singapore is probably a good place to be in compared to the other countries. It’s got a good mix of conservatism and openness. The only thing is that your totalitarianism sucks big time.

I can’t say I am well-versed and knowledgeable in political regimes and ideologies. But I think using “Totalitarianism” to describe Singapore is an exaggeration. That seems kind of like communism already. (Or is it actually one and the same thing?) Maybe something like “Authoritarianism with a mix of Democracy” or “Guided Democracy” would describe Singapore better haha.

If he really ends up living and working here, I’d ask him again after he has been here for a year or so how he would describe Singapore’s political system.

Counting Down

2.5 months more only.

Getting jittery already. There are still things to be bought and done and packed and moved.

Enjoying this last stretch of mobility, freedom, flexibility and our "just-the-two-of-us" time.

Because pretty soon I think I'll only be traversing within the house with bedraggled hair and smelling of milk and baby poo lol...

Cheers to Us

Oh it's been exactly a year since our traditional Chinese wedding and almost 2 years since our ROM.

Happy Anniversary Baby! :))

Oh Basil!

Recently discovered to my dismay that all the basil plants I had in the garden had already perished. The helper didn't even inform me of it. :(

I'm glad though that I propagated a pot for Ally sometime last year. Now her pot has grown so beautifully and she's got a healthy, robust plant.

Haha, we've come full circle now and now I'm going to get a cutting from her to start up a new pot again.

So if this new cutting takes root, then it's considered the descendent "grandchild" of the plant I originally had! Lol...

Tired all week

Not been sleeping well, especially over this past week. Feeling tired and stoned.

Either the neighbours' dogs go mad in the middle of the night and start barking their heads off, or I just wake up for no apparent reason at all, or I wake to pee, or I wake up because K stirred in his sleep, or I simply wake because Little Baby is having fun stretching/kicking/boxing/punching in me.

Pale and blotchy skin, very dark eye circles, bouts of zits and bumps here and there. I have been uglified!

Really yearning for a full 7 to 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep. Doesn't seem possible though...:(

Feeling loved

Feeling blessed as well. So many people are taking extra care of me. :)

K has been an angel.

Even the cleaner auntie on my office floor holds the door open for me these days lol.

Friends have been giving me stuff here and there.

And I just received a Delifrance Chicken Feuillete Pie (my recent fav!) as an afternoon snack from my colleague from another division. Thank you Kah Hui!

Thank you everybody! Really appeciate it!

Afternoon Epiphany

I’m listening to JJ Lin and Sun Yan Zi at work today. It’s been awhile since I last listened to them

One particular sentence in Yan Zi’s song "當冬夜漸暖" stood out.

“多少次失望表示著多少次期盼”

How true.

The number of times you get disappointed is related to the number of the times you look forward to (or expect or hope) for something.

The more you expect, whether from yourself or from others, and the more you hope for something, the more disappointed you feel if things don’t go your way.

As Shakespeare once said: “Expectation is the root of all heartache”.

So well...let's all....   Live Simply. Give More. Expect Less. :)    

Breathe in Breathe out

一大清早来惹我， 真是的。*深呼吸*

我忍忍忍，不会为了这件事而让今天的心情被破坏！

美金，加油哦！！ :)

Lots of Good News!

Over the weekend, I suddenly received happy news that 3 friends are expecting. :)

Within this year alone, I know at least 11 friends who have given birth or who will be delivering by year end.

From Jan till now, I've attended 5 weddings and will be attending another one in August.

May there be more good news to come!

Bitchy Resting Face

There’s recently been a phrase coined by a filmmaker in the States: “Bitchy Resting Face”. It refers to an incurable syndrome, mainly affecting women but some men as well, where a person’s face seems sad or angry for no reason, even when the person is actually completely relaxed and not feeling foul at all.

In local lingo, people would call it the “chau bin” or the “black face”.

I think I’ve had enough people tell me over the years that I’ve got a “chau bin” face to conclude that I am a sufferer of the “Bitchy Resting Face”. Even when I am just “stoning”, some people who don’t know me well enough think I have an angry face.

It’s true what they say, that people immediately form an impression of you, within the first few seconds of having seen you. If people think I’m bitchy, then so be it. They don’t know me till they take the effort to actually know me. I’m not going to plaster a fake smile on my face just to please everyone.

Oh well. :)

Funky tastebuds

The foodie in me has become increasingly schizophrenic.

I'd be craving for a salty biscuit in this hour and by the time the next hour swings by, I'd be hoping for a sugar-laced drink.

I want a hot drink now because it keeps my insides warm and fuzzy. (Two hours later) I feel like having Milo Peng.

And so it pendulates.

Back and forth.

I want something simple, light and easy to digest, like tofu or macaroni or fish soup. (Next meal) Damn I really miss my mum's spicy sayur lodeh.

(In the day) I should be having healthy meals now. (Nearing supper) I want a cheeseburger.
(Then again, a cheeseburger has carbo, vegetables and protein. That makes a well-balanced meal, no? ;p)

Wonder if my tastes will change in the next few months....

敲锣打鼓

Little Baby is in an extremely active and feisty mood. I've been kicked, punched and boxed all day and night for the last few days.

Looking more and more like a panda now that I am having interrupted sleep.

0_0''

Realization

A big belly is a conversation opener. More people in office are talking to me these days  haha.

In love with...

The minions! So unbearably cute lah! If I feel down, watching them on YouTube never fails to make me grin again. :)  *bapoi*

Wonderful!

Woke up at 530am this morning to extremely crisp and fresh air. The feeling was awesome.
I checked the PSI and it was below 30 with the PM2.5 reading hovering in the 20s range.

The "un-wonderful" thing though was that I couldn't get back to sleep after that lol....

Semi Staycation

I feel like I am on a semi-staycation this week.

Why? Because I am bunking over at my parents' place while the kitchen at my in-laws' place is undergoing renovation. Apaprently, expectant ladies are "not supposed" to be exposed to the renovation knocking and banging and clanging noises because it is "not good" for the baby within.

And so I was whisked off to my parents' place last night.

================
I feel like a princess again. Mum is fussing over me. And of course, I'm not complaining. :)
   In preparation for my royal arrival, she stocked up on my favourite HL milk, Gardenia raisin bread loaf, Chips Ahoy cookies, fruits, green vegetables, fish, etc. She changed the sheets, stuffed one of my old pillows with new cotton, gave me a new fluffy peach-coloured towel and re-washed the clothes I was going to wear at home.

I'm going to have slow-stewed chicken soup with bird's nest at least twice this week too.

Feeling awesomely pampered now.

================

Nw that this is the first time I am back home and staying in my own bedroom ever since I shifted out almost a year ago, I realised several things:

• I miss K!!! And having someone by my side when I am asleep.
• I miss my old bed. The springs are just much firmer than my matrimonial bed.
• I miss the coolness of my home. Although the sun is shining brightly outside, I don't feel like I am in an oven.
• Without a TV in the bedroom, I tend to surf the Net more.
• And yes, I do miss the nightly documentary sessions with K...food network, discovery, national geographic, asian food channel, etc....
• I miss having a radio in the room! I used to listen to the radio everyday but stopped when I shifted over because we didn't have a radio in our room.

================

Speaking of radio, I was listening to Class 95FM last night before sleeping.

It was a night of hits from the 80s. Quite retro. I was doing a little dance and then I realised Little Baby was kicking haha.

We should start exposing her to more music. :)

Wistful

I miss Paris.

I miss the subway stations, La Seine, Le Pont Neuf…
I miss the nutella crepes, the baguette sandwiches, the pain au chocolates…
I miss the fashionable ladies, the suave men and the cute pooches so many Parisians walk around with…
I miss the sidewalk cafés, Le Louvre and how La Tour Eiffel looks at night...
I miss the “bonjour” people say to each other, stranger or not…
I miss the “merci, bonne journee” cashiers say to you after you’ve paid for your purchase…
I miss the “pardon” the French say when you’re in their way…

And I miss Nice.

I miss the apartment K was staying in and where I bunked for a whole month...
I miss the big supermarket we did our marketing at...
I miss cooking our own meals while we were there...
I miss the Promenade des Anglais, Vieux Nice, Cours Saleya...
I miss my favourite restaurant there Pasta Basta...
I miss taking the local buses and trams there...


*wistful* ......

The Peace of a Slower Pace

I’ve consciously slowed down my pace over the last few months. My walking pace that is.
And it’s amazing what doing such a simple thing has shown me.
You see more. You observe more. You stop and smell the roses. You notice new shoots growing from the pretty plants that line our roads. You notice how the sun’s rays get filtered through the leaves of trees and how the leaves themselves cast dancing shadows on the pavements.

You no longer feel the need to walk at an ever-quickening pace. You don’t feel the need to rush for the green man at the traffic junction. You don’t feel the need to run for the bus. You take your time even though other people are all swooshing past you.

You feel more calm and relaxed and less inclined to rush.

#takingthingseasy

Kitty Craze

I'm really curious why so many people are going ga-ga over the Hello Kitty toy that MacDonalds is selling with its meals. Week after week, you hear of people rushing to buy the toys. Over the last 2-3 weeks, people hstarted queue-ing late at night just to make sure they get their hands on a new version of the toy (a new version is launched everyday Thursday).

Aside from the profiteers who resell the toys online at exorbitant prices, I cannot fathom why someone would queue up before midnight to fight for a chance to buy the toy.

There are so many Hello Kitty fanatics in Singapore meh? But she doesn't even have a mouth....

0_0

Just discovered a new effect (or inconvenience) of being pregnant - itching.

An expanding body coupled with an expanding big belly is stretching my skin quite abit. The skin over my belly feels so taut at times.

It started yesterday at an area just below the right chest. I tried slathering on extra stretch marks cream and it helped a little. Now it's mid-afternoon in office, the itch has travelled to other parts of the belly and since I forgot to bring extra body lotion, I resorted to applying some handcream instead.

Trying my best not to scratch!

Pop Goes The.......

Belly button.
Mine’s popped out quite early I think, since a month ago probably. I’m feeling a little odd and awkward about it though because people can see it protruding slightly from underneath my clothes, unless I wear black. Colleagues are starting to point it out to me too haha.

Wah - Duhl

It's official. I am a waddling duck.

If I am already waddling a little now when the tummy is not as big as what it's supposed to be in the last trimester, I wonder how I will be walking in the upcoming few months.

Morning thoughts

The current haze situation has shown that there are too many keyboard warriors around, with many of them giving their complaints and views online, especially on Facebook. 90% of the time they are slamming the government, lamenting about the "incompetence" of the government, on the perceived "slow" response on the government's part, about why the government isn't doing anything to alleviate the situation, on why the government is or is not doing this and that......

Come on, cut the government some slack. You're not sitting in their position, you don't know what they are going through, you don't what difficulties they are facing on their end and you don't know what they are actually already doing. You're just holed up in your room or office jabbing away at your keyboard typing out these complaints.

It's always easier to complain and whine I guess. Instead of jumping the gun and being quick to point fingers, whatever it is, let's have more objectivity in our lives.

The dreaded haze

The haze doesn't seem to be abating one bit. The PSI hit a new high of 400 this morning at 11am.
It is still terribly hazy outside when I look out of the window. Everrything seems shrouded in smoke and dust.

I'm on MC yesterday and today though I am still clearing some work at home. Throat's a little scratchy and nose feels stuffy and blocked from time to time.

The heat's terrible as well and I have a headache right now. A dull ache that extends to my neck muscles.

I hope this doesn't affect the little one in me. And I seriously hope the air clears up a little by the time I get back to work next Monday.

My Special K

It was a long and busy weekend even though I was on leave on Monday. Everyday was somehow filled with activities and/or running errands. I was tired, grumpy at times even. 

Through it all, K was with me. Whether literally by my side or simply fetching me here and there. 

Thank you baby for taking care of me. Muacks! 

Happy lunch

Finally met up with TH for lunch today. It’s been almost 6 months since we last had lunch, even though we work quite near each other. Partly due to my work commitments earlier this year and then after that I couldn’t really stomach eating outside for the last two to three months.


Am happy for him. I think his relationship is going the right way.

And we all like this particular girl very much. She’s mature, very kind and thoughtful, independent enough, secure and definitely more stable/steady than his previous girlfriends.

Wonder if we’ll hear wedding bells ringing soon? Sure hope so!


p/s: the salted fish and minced meat rice at Crystal Jade was lovely!

Classic Conversation

I called out to our helper this morning. I knew she was on the 2nd floor while I was on the 3rd.


Me: Minah…?
She: Yes?
Me: Can you come up here for awhile please?
She: Ok.
Me: You come up now ok…..
She: Ok…
Me: *waits for 10seconds*
She: Mam, where are you? I don’t know where you are....
Me: *Sigh* I asked you to come up right? Where else could I be but upstairs? 3rd floor?
She: Oh ya…

Piling On

It’s been 13 years since I last crossed the 52kg mark. I’ve been sub-50kg since 2000.
On 1 June, I was 52kg.
On 8 June, I was 52.8kg

And this morning on 12 June, I am 53.4kg!!

Wah…1.5kg within 2 weeks. Am I supposed to be putting on weight at such a fast rate now??

Wow

I woke on Sunday morning and got on Facebook. I had been added to a long FB chain of messages, the first of which had been posted in mid-April. 

I spent the next half an hour trawling through everything and realized that this was a bunch of my old primary school classmates from my primary 6 class. 

I couldn't even recognize half of them and forgot that they existed till this message came up. Apparently they, about 17 of them, had met up on Saturday evening for a gathering but by the time someone found and added me, it was already Sunday. 

Huge blast from the past. 

I've not seen 99% of them for 21 years. Let alone speak to them. 

While I am curious, I am not very excited. I don't know, maybe I didn't really enjoy primary school that much. Like how I'm not close to my JC class at all too.  

Should I start eating ginkgo??

My smart cells are going to the little one in my belly. My own store of smart cells seems to be depleting. Case in point:

I got into the lift today at the 12th floor, intending to go down to the ground floor so I could get lunch. When I got in, I started jabbing at the button labelled "12"  and wondering why the hell it did not light up. 

By the time it dawned on me that I WAS on level 12 going downstairs, the rest of the folks in the lift were staring quizzically at me. 

I didn't know where to hide and just shuffled silently to a corner.....so embarrassing! 

Vestiges of time

We’re already into June, the middle of the year. Before we know it, we’ll be inching towards the end of the year soon.

Seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, years. Time flies so quickly it is terrifying at times.

So treasure what you have in the present. But of course let’s look towards the future at the same time. J

Aunties

Two aunties saw me in office last Thursday and spoke to me.

Auntie A: Wah, promoted liao ah? Gong Xi Gong Xi!
Auntie B: Ya ya, gong xi ni! Congrats!
Me: Huh?
Auntie A: *points to my belly* Pregnant right? Promoted liao lor!
Auntie B: Now mother liao mah! So "promoted" lor!
Both Aunties: *starts cackling with laughter and poking each other on the arms*
Me: Ohhhhh....hahahha. Thank you thank you!


Aunties. They can be so cute sometimes.

The Buying Has Begun

After several weeks of doing research and also some procrastinating, the buying has begun. Between last weekend and this weekend, I've easily spent $1,600 buying things in preparation for the arrival of the little one.

It's been a fun time trying to gather and buy all these things from various places. Both online and in person.

More spending to come definitely. :)

Am touched as well that some sponsorships are coming in from family and friends lol...:)

Onward we go!