Great. Just quarelled with her again. Doesn't she understand the word NO??????? wtf. I said no to the piece of fish cos I was already done with my dinner. She insisted and dropped the piece of pomfret unceremoniusly on my empty plate and growled : "Finish it."
I mean seriously. What's the point of doing such a thing?? If I'm full, I'm full. If I'm done, I'm done. What's the point of forcing that bloody piece of fish down my throat????
I got up with my plate and walked towards the sink with the intention of stuffing that thing into my mouth midway through my route. Then she accused me of wanting to throw it away into the dustbin. Please lah, come on. Grow up can? At age 55, I think you can be capable of better thought processes.
God damn fucked up day. I can't help tearing. I find my own home stifling to the point of constriction.
==============
Ally gave me a buzz this morning to ask about how I'm doing...nice knowing you have people who care about you...
==============
Just received a call from ahboy...he just got off work...going for his dinner soon...his call brought me some joy...it's short-lived though cos I'm back to my grouchy self..
Am wondering if I should just hibernate in my room forever..The thought of having my own abode seems so juicy right now...piteous though cos I ain't have the financial means to do so...YET
Monday, October 31, 2005
happy halloween
Just quarelled with mum about the the issue of me who's not supposed to go out because technically speaking, I am still on MC. Whatever. Fucked up.
God damn pissed off.
I give up.
It's really driving me nuts. It's already been a month that I'm under such close scrutiny. It's stifling. I can't breathe.
=========
Was watching My Date With a Vampire III last night. Ren2 Wang2 Fu2 Xi1 (supposedly the 1st man on Earth - Chinese fiction style) said something which I'm still pondering over...quite interesting
Love breeds worries
Love breeds fears
When you're in love
Sometimes you know not yourself.
God damn pissed off.
I give up.
It's really driving me nuts. It's already been a month that I'm under such close scrutiny. It's stifling. I can't breathe.
=========
Was watching My Date With a Vampire III last night. Ren2 Wang2 Fu2 Xi1 (supposedly the 1st man on Earth - Chinese fiction style) said something which I'm still pondering over...quite interesting
Love breeds worries
Love breeds fears
When you're in love
Sometimes you know not yourself.
Sunday, October 30, 2005
You're Still You
Josh Groban - You're Still You
Through the darkness
I can see your light
And you will always shine
And I can feel your heart in mine
Your face I've memorized
I idolize just you
I look up to
Everything you are
In my eyes you do no wrong
I've loved you for so long
And after all is said and done
You're still you
After all
You're still you
You walk past me
I can feel your pain
Time changes everything
One truth always stays the same
You're still you
After all
You're still you
I look up to
Everything you are
In my eyes you do no wrong
And I believe in you
Although you never asked me to
I will remember you
And what life put you through
And in this cruel and lonely world
I found one love
You're still you
After all
You're still you
Through the darkness
I can see your light
And you will always shine
And I can feel your heart in mine
Your face I've memorized
I idolize just you
I look up to
Everything you are
In my eyes you do no wrong
I've loved you for so long
And after all is said and done
You're still you
After all
You're still you
You walk past me
I can feel your pain
Time changes everything
One truth always stays the same
You're still you
After all
You're still you
I look up to
Everything you are
In my eyes you do no wrong
And I believe in you
Although you never asked me to
I will remember you
And what life put you through
And in this cruel and lonely world
I found one love
You're still you
After all
You're still you
mid-day rattlings..
Dasao might be right..the medication might be making me moody..extremely moody
Anyway, aiming to get out of the house by the next weekend. Think I'm in perfect condition to go out, just that I'm on house arrest.
spoke to them of the banking idea...don't think they seemed to like it...but were still relatively encouraging lah...asked me to try it out lor...and see how it goes...
=============
Marc was running around the house just now and delivered a toy personally to my hands...am abit touched. If you ask him "What's your name?" He can reply and tell you "Marc!". If you ask him "How old are you?" He can also reply and say "Two!"
=============
Just washed my hair again today. Feels good. Used shampoo on the left side...But damn, think I'm developing dandruff...especially along the parting line...ugghh...unsightly man...
=============
Last night, I was reading the blog I had last year...though that blog lasted only a meagre 2 months, it still brought back certain memories to me...whether happy, intense or sad thoughts...
Anyway, aiming to get out of the house by the next weekend. Think I'm in perfect condition to go out, just that I'm on house arrest.
spoke to them of the banking idea...don't think they seemed to like it...but were still relatively encouraging lah...asked me to try it out lor...and see how it goes...
=============
Marc was running around the house just now and delivered a toy personally to my hands...am abit touched. If you ask him "What's your name?" He can reply and tell you "Marc!". If you ask him "How old are you?" He can also reply and say "Two!"
=============
Just washed my hair again today. Feels good. Used shampoo on the left side...But damn, think I'm developing dandruff...especially along the parting line...ugghh...unsightly man...
=============
Last night, I was reading the blog I had last year...though that blog lasted only a meagre 2 months, it still brought back certain memories to me...whether happy, intense or sad thoughts...
Saturday, October 29, 2005
I miss...
...the late nights spent in hall
...the boliao gossip notes me, Eddie & Chiewz scribbled to each other during lectures
...the crazy times we had during hall activities
...the late night suppers we had when we had the mood for them
...the LAN network we had then & the MP3s and movies we shared with each other back then
...the prawn paste chicken in hall 5 canteen
...waking up to the sound of birds chirping in the dimly lit dawn morning
...hearing the sounds of machine guns in the night when the nearby army camps are having training
...sitting by the doorway & just chatting with Xingli or dreaming about what we wanna do
...washing clothes and hanging them out to dry with her too
...waking up and deciding to skip classes
...organising various hall activities
...the mee hoon kuay at canteen A
...the camaraderie we had with each other and staying just above, below and around each other
...the absolute freedom I had back then
...those rainy cold nights when I would just lie huddled under the covers listening to the pitter & patter of raindrops
...walking to lectures and tutorials in tanktops, cropped pants and flip flops
...the mini gatherings we had in each other's rooms
...having dinner together in canteen 1 and it's chicken chop and honey dew sago
...crapping, bitching, gossiping with Chiewz and laughing hysterically with her
...having FYP discussions in either my room or Chiewz's room
...cooking pasta in my room with my rice cooker
...having mini steamboat sessions in my room or sky's room
...rearing hamsters illegally in my room
...working out in my room
...the privacy of my single room
...climbing up 3 flights of stairs to my room
...cheering my hall on during inter-hall activities
...the buzz of studies and hall activities back then
...blasting music from my speakers when I was in a bad mood
...mugging for the exams with sky and hongbing at Canteen B till the wee hours of the morn
...mugging at the library too and sneaking in packets of french fries when the librarian wasn't looking
...getting to know exchange students from other countries
...that 3 years of my life in hall 1 (numero uno)
...the boliao gossip notes me, Eddie & Chiewz scribbled to each other during lectures
...the crazy times we had during hall activities
...the late night suppers we had when we had the mood for them
...the LAN network we had then & the MP3s and movies we shared with each other back then
...the prawn paste chicken in hall 5 canteen
...waking up to the sound of birds chirping in the dimly lit dawn morning
...hearing the sounds of machine guns in the night when the nearby army camps are having training
...sitting by the doorway & just chatting with Xingli or dreaming about what we wanna do
...washing clothes and hanging them out to dry with her too
...waking up and deciding to skip classes
...organising various hall activities
...the mee hoon kuay at canteen A
...the camaraderie we had with each other and staying just above, below and around each other
...the absolute freedom I had back then
...those rainy cold nights when I would just lie huddled under the covers listening to the pitter & patter of raindrops
...walking to lectures and tutorials in tanktops, cropped pants and flip flops
...the mini gatherings we had in each other's rooms
...having dinner together in canteen 1 and it's chicken chop and honey dew sago
...crapping, bitching, gossiping with Chiewz and laughing hysterically with her
...having FYP discussions in either my room or Chiewz's room
...cooking pasta in my room with my rice cooker
...having mini steamboat sessions in my room or sky's room
...rearing hamsters illegally in my room
...working out in my room
...the privacy of my single room
...climbing up 3 flights of stairs to my room
...cheering my hall on during inter-hall activities
...the buzz of studies and hall activities back then
...blasting music from my speakers when I was in a bad mood
...mugging for the exams with sky and hongbing at Canteen B till the wee hours of the morn
...mugging at the library too and sneaking in packets of french fries when the librarian wasn't looking
...getting to know exchange students from other countries
...that 3 years of my life in hall 1 (numero uno)
of viewpoints and other possibilities...
the more you think
the more you imagine
the more you paint pictures
the more you assume
the more you presume
the more you envisage
........
the more your vision gets clouded
the greater the delusion
the deeper you get submerged
the harder you fall
the easier you crash
===========
the older I get...the more disillusioned things become...life in SG seems to be a rat race with momentary junctures of happiness and equal momentary points of sadness and disappointments..
or maybe it's just the way I view things...yeah..think it's the way I see things...the "bottle is half-full or half-empty" theory...or the "some days you're the pigeon, some days you're the statue" theory...all these make sense...but I just find it abit difficult to see things in a more positive light..
...ah well...the melancholic pessimistic me...
aw man...listening to Jay Chou now...simply heaven...
===========
ahboy just left to play bball with the other guys...felt lethargic the whole day...maybe cos of the horrible night's sleep..glad he came...planted a smile on my face..missing him already...
and he bought clay for me...good..I can start on making some handicrafts or something...
===========
had a brief conversation with dasao just now...discussed the possibility of having some sidelines...hmm...if things sound positive and if they arouse my interest...perhaps i might join in as well...why not..take on a new challenge...and at least it's a break from the monotony I feel right now...and well...it might be another lucrative source of income for me..
well...bro and her will be coming over tomorrow...maybe we'll take it up further tomorrow...see how the ideas flow... :)
financial independence haaa...am striving to be someone who can take care of her basic needs with not much of a problem..Maslow's hierarchy of needs...one of my fav theories...
definitely one of base reasons why I'm considering banking...though just the thought of horrendous sky high sales targets easily sends shudders through me...
the more you imagine
the more you paint pictures
the more you assume
the more you presume
the more you envisage
........
the more your vision gets clouded
the greater the delusion
the deeper you get submerged
the harder you fall
the easier you crash
===========
the older I get...the more disillusioned things become...life in SG seems to be a rat race with momentary junctures of happiness and equal momentary points of sadness and disappointments..
or maybe it's just the way I view things...yeah..think it's the way I see things...the "bottle is half-full or half-empty" theory...or the "some days you're the pigeon, some days you're the statue" theory...all these make sense...but I just find it abit difficult to see things in a more positive light..
...ah well...the melancholic pessimistic me...
aw man...listening to Jay Chou now...simply heaven...
===========
ahboy just left to play bball with the other guys...felt lethargic the whole day...maybe cos of the horrible night's sleep..glad he came...planted a smile on my face..missing him already...
and he bought clay for me...good..I can start on making some handicrafts or something...
===========
had a brief conversation with dasao just now...discussed the possibility of having some sidelines...hmm...if things sound positive and if they arouse my interest...perhaps i might join in as well...why not..take on a new challenge...and at least it's a break from the monotony I feel right now...and well...it might be another lucrative source of income for me..
well...bro and her will be coming over tomorrow...maybe we'll take it up further tomorrow...see how the ideas flow... :)
financial independence haaa...am striving to be someone who can take care of her basic needs with not much of a problem..Maslow's hierarchy of needs...one of my fav theories...
definitely one of base reasons why I'm considering banking...though just the thought of horrendous sky high sales targets easily sends shudders through me...
what the??
fucking hell.. went to bed at around 1am last night...but couldn't get to sleep at all...and the most frustrating thing is that I can't toss and turn like last time cos I can't lie on my right side where the wound is..I can either be only on my stomach, my back or my left side...
So for more than 2 hours, I was awake...listening to the mild droning of my air-con and my mind was still busy thinking of weird things like...
1. cheetahs, cougars, panthers, pumas, lions...whatever you can name in the big cats family...I attribute this to the fact that I was watching National Geographic earlier in the night...
2. what is love? and what does it entail?
3. how I almost let slip in front of Jen that I was flipping through Recruit regularly...
4. the dumb email...and the possible repercussions it might have caused..
5. Creation's teriyaki chicken meatball pasta and their brownie...
I checked my clock incessantly..1am morphed into 2am and then to 3am...I think it was till 3-plus that I finally found my way to the gates of slumberland...tmd...slept till mid-day again..what an unhealthy lifestyle...argh..
============
I seriously miss bitching... whether it be the insane childish bitching during uni days with chiewz or the office bitching with the other girls...Damn...and somehow all I wanna do now is to hurl curses and cuss my heart out...
crude, crass and banal...guess that's just me...but the least is that I don't hide or pretend to be what I ain't..what you see is what you get...silliness, wittiness, sincerity et al...
So for more than 2 hours, I was awake...listening to the mild droning of my air-con and my mind was still busy thinking of weird things like...
1. cheetahs, cougars, panthers, pumas, lions...whatever you can name in the big cats family...I attribute this to the fact that I was watching National Geographic earlier in the night...
2. what is love? and what does it entail?
3. how I almost let slip in front of Jen that I was flipping through Recruit regularly...
4. the dumb email...and the possible repercussions it might have caused..
5. Creation's teriyaki chicken meatball pasta and their brownie...
I checked my clock incessantly..1am morphed into 2am and then to 3am...I think it was till 3-plus that I finally found my way to the gates of slumberland...tmd...slept till mid-day again..what an unhealthy lifestyle...argh..
============
I seriously miss bitching... whether it be the insane childish bitching during uni days with chiewz or the office bitching with the other girls...Damn...and somehow all I wanna do now is to hurl curses and cuss my heart out...
crude, crass and banal...guess that's just me...but the least is that I don't hide or pretend to be what I ain't..what you see is what you get...silliness, wittiness, sincerity et al...
of marriage and committments...
The naggy me has been muttering on and on about having time on my hands...yeah..the synapses of the brain works wonders at times...hell, I'm even thinking about things like marriage..and having my own abode with my loved one...
to put it simply..think I'm ready for that lifelong committment called marriage...shared my thoughts with Jason over MSN just now and he laughed at me..said I'm getting desperate to "tie" my man down...nabei...does it always amount to such a viewpoint if a girl says she's ready for marriage?? Does it always amount to "enslaving" the other party?
I dunno...just that I'm having those "I wanna spend the rest of my lilfe with you", "I wanna build a love nest with you" and "I wanna bear you children" kind of feelings...mushy, icky and god-damn dramatic...but yet oh-so-true..
Well whatever...not entirely sure what these thoughts translate to...and anyway..guess it ain't the right time now too??
Hmm....wondering....
to put it simply..think I'm ready for that lifelong committment called marriage...shared my thoughts with Jason over MSN just now and he laughed at me..said I'm getting desperate to "tie" my man down...nabei...does it always amount to such a viewpoint if a girl says she's ready for marriage?? Does it always amount to "enslaving" the other party?
I dunno...just that I'm having those "I wanna spend the rest of my lilfe with you", "I wanna build a love nest with you" and "I wanna bear you children" kind of feelings...mushy, icky and god-damn dramatic...but yet oh-so-true..
Well whatever...not entirely sure what these thoughts translate to...and anyway..guess it ain't the right time now too??
Hmm....wondering....
Friday, October 28, 2005
seedless rantings from a daft shell
two groups of peeps came by today...
jen, may, elaine and lawrence (the HR, not brother lawrence) came around 7pm...sat around and tokked cock...quite surprised that lawrence came...cos it's like wat...only the second time that I've seen him....they left around 8pm...elaine was so sweet...gave me a a sweet little pink crystal angel...those that you can hang on your handphone type...and a cute little card with those pop-up pics of dancing teddy bears and quaint gingerbread houses...
ahboy dropped by around 720pm..
then around 845pm...ling & gang came by....joyce, gail n adrian din come though..the pizza and KFC we ordered reached around 9pm...and our makan galore commenced...haa..amidst the watching of cable TV and tokking rot...
=============
maybe what MJ said is true...given too much time on their hands...girls like to think about unneccessary stuff...and worry about unneccessary details...
is that wat's happening to me? the ever imaginative one?
=============
at the dinner table just now..
Dad: "Look at her (me), it's like as if we're torturing her to eat."
yeah...well...the grumpy me at work again...what do you expect, being awakened from your nap to have such an early dinner which you don't feel like eating at all cos you're not even hungry at all...
=============
...pressing on when the future is uncertain?
...trudging on come what may?
...clinging on for survival?
...life is tough..life is complicated?
...which way to go when you reach a fork?
...which path to follow..head..heart?
...life is pre-ordained..life is sardonic?
am not even sure what the hell I'm ranting on and on about...
Feel as if I'm in a perpetual state of uncertainty and bewilderedness...
Do I have too much time on my hands??
jen, may, elaine and lawrence (the HR, not brother lawrence) came around 7pm...sat around and tokked cock...quite surprised that lawrence came...cos it's like wat...only the second time that I've seen him....they left around 8pm...elaine was so sweet...gave me a a sweet little pink crystal angel...those that you can hang on your handphone type...and a cute little card with those pop-up pics of dancing teddy bears and quaint gingerbread houses...
ahboy dropped by around 720pm..
then around 845pm...ling & gang came by....joyce, gail n adrian din come though..the pizza and KFC we ordered reached around 9pm...and our makan galore commenced...haa..amidst the watching of cable TV and tokking rot...
=============
maybe what MJ said is true...given too much time on their hands...girls like to think about unneccessary stuff...and worry about unneccessary details...
is that wat's happening to me? the ever imaginative one?
=============
at the dinner table just now..
Dad: "Look at her (me), it's like as if we're torturing her to eat."
yeah...well...the grumpy me at work again...what do you expect, being awakened from your nap to have such an early dinner which you don't feel like eating at all cos you're not even hungry at all...
=============
...pressing on when the future is uncertain?
...trudging on come what may?
...clinging on for survival?
...life is tough..life is complicated?
...which way to go when you reach a fork?
...which path to follow..head..heart?
...life is pre-ordained..life is sardonic?
am not even sure what the hell I'm ranting on and on about...
Feel as if I'm in a perpetual state of uncertainty and bewilderedness...
Do I have too much time on my hands??
post-lunch post
just a fuddy duddy entry about somethng I was hankering about last night..
Was fiddling about with HTML codings and such stuff...trying to do some edits to my blog interface...and wohoo!! managed to get it done successfully...I'm a major klutz at such tech wizardry...so for the restless me, it was an accomplishment!! =))
==============
time flies, it's already been more than 2 weeks since my skull was scissored open and my brain invaded upon. 17 days to be exact.
my hair's like a patch of dried grass sitting atop my head...the chemicals used to clean my hair really zapped away whatever meagre shine and lustre my hair once had....now macham bird's nest...plus...the chemicals caused the hair colour to oxidise further...aiyooo.....=(( and I'm shedding hair like nobody's business...if I run my fingers through my hair...at least 3 to 4 strands drop off....argh!!!
worse thing is that I can't use shampoo to wash my hair as yet...let alone condition it...bleah...
the good thing is that the wound is healing nicely...at least that's wat mum says...I cun see...no matter how I twist my head in front of the mirror, I can't get a good look at it...but if she says it's healing well...then good for me...
==============
Ling & gang are coming over tonight..don't think they've ever seen me so lok cock before..haa...hope they dun get a shock...looking forward to some fun and laughter tonight...at least it'll be a different form of entertainment for me....and their antics will definitely bring smiles to my forlorn face....haa..
=============
on one of the nights in hospital, I dreamt that I was a UOB Personal Banker...maybe like wat brother says is true...It's a sign...haa...a sign to go in that direction....
The more I think about it or ponder over it...the more it seems like an okay plan to go ahead with...and ahboy has said he'll support me in my decision....
Was fiddling about with HTML codings and such stuff...trying to do some edits to my blog interface...and wohoo!! managed to get it done successfully...I'm a major klutz at such tech wizardry...so for the restless me, it was an accomplishment!! =))
==============
time flies, it's already been more than 2 weeks since my skull was scissored open and my brain invaded upon. 17 days to be exact.
my hair's like a patch of dried grass sitting atop my head...the chemicals used to clean my hair really zapped away whatever meagre shine and lustre my hair once had....now macham bird's nest...plus...the chemicals caused the hair colour to oxidise further...aiyooo.....=(( and I'm shedding hair like nobody's business...if I run my fingers through my hair...at least 3 to 4 strands drop off....argh!!!
worse thing is that I can't use shampoo to wash my hair as yet...let alone condition it...bleah...
the good thing is that the wound is healing nicely...at least that's wat mum says...I cun see...no matter how I twist my head in front of the mirror, I can't get a good look at it...but if she says it's healing well...then good for me...
==============
Ling & gang are coming over tonight..don't think they've ever seen me so lok cock before..haa...hope they dun get a shock...looking forward to some fun and laughter tonight...at least it'll be a different form of entertainment for me....and their antics will definitely bring smiles to my forlorn face....haa..
=============
on one of the nights in hospital, I dreamt that I was a UOB Personal Banker...maybe like wat brother says is true...It's a sign...haa...a sign to go in that direction....
The more I think about it or ponder over it...the more it seems like an okay plan to go ahead with...and ahboy has said he'll support me in my decision....
in the mood for love..
Was watching Meteor Garden late last night when a phrase was mentioned by one of the members of F4...
"It's weird when you lose yourself in the midst of loving someone else."
Yeah..losing yourself when you hit that irrational, emotional high..and start doing things or behaving in ways you never thought you'd indulge in or behave in...
"It's weird when you lose yourself in the midst of loving someone else."
Yeah..losing yourself when you hit that irrational, emotional high..and start doing things or behaving in ways you never thought you'd indulge in or behave in...
Thursday, October 27, 2005
of naggings and complaints..yet again..
It's irritating..it's been a week since I've gotten out of hospital..but I think my body clock's still attuned to the days spent in hospital..I get up 2 to 3 times in one fucking night. It's wreaking havoc on my sleeping pattern..so much so that almost everyday, I get up as late as midday..
Maybe another reason's that my pillow's gotten too soft..Just changed a new pillow this morning..hope it alleviates the problem..
============
Wonder if you'll reply my new email...hmm...
Don't know what you're thinking..Don't know what your take on the future is..
Hope you'll share your thoughts with me..Loving you always..
============
It's amazing...We snap at each other and more oft than not, argue with each other, yet we remain good friends...aye red biscuit?
============
Sometimes I wonder...how does a bf, a gf and an ex-gf get along so well together...looking at dan, yl & chiewz...I don't get it at times...them 3 can just sit and chat/joke/have fun all together...hmm....perhaps I'm not a gracious one..that's why I can't comprehend?...
=========
am popping pills like candy everyday..7 pills after my first meal of the day...another 6-7 pills after dinner...and am getting abit tired of the food I'm taking in everyday..porridge, rice with bland dishes...tough-going for a big foodie like me....
=========
Things to look forward to after I'm well and dandy...
1. Conversational Malay
2. Blading
3. Sentosa
4. Pubbing
5. Settle my job switch thingy?
6. Swimming!
7. New haircut?
Maybe another reason's that my pillow's gotten too soft..Just changed a new pillow this morning..hope it alleviates the problem..
============
Wonder if you'll reply my new email...hmm...
Don't know what you're thinking..Don't know what your take on the future is..
Hope you'll share your thoughts with me..Loving you always..
============
It's amazing...We snap at each other and more oft than not, argue with each other, yet we remain good friends...aye red biscuit?
============
Sometimes I wonder...how does a bf, a gf and an ex-gf get along so well together...looking at dan, yl & chiewz...I don't get it at times...them 3 can just sit and chat/joke/have fun all together...hmm....perhaps I'm not a gracious one..that's why I can't comprehend?...
=========
am popping pills like candy everyday..7 pills after my first meal of the day...another 6-7 pills after dinner...and am getting abit tired of the food I'm taking in everyday..porridge, rice with bland dishes...tough-going for a big foodie like me....
=========
Things to look forward to after I'm well and dandy...
1. Conversational Malay
2. Blading
3. Sentosa
4. Pubbing
5. Settle my job switch thingy?
6. Swimming!
7. New haircut?
Wednesday, October 26, 2005
Nobody's Home
Nobody's Home - Avril Lavigne
I couldn't tell you why she felt that way
She felt it everyday
And I couldn't help her
I just watched her make the same mistakes again
What's wrong, what's wrong now
Too many, too many problems
Don't know where she belongs
Where she belongs
She wants to go home
But nobody's home
It's where she lies broken inside
With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes
Broken inside
Open your eyes and look outside, find a reason why
You've been rejected, and now you can't find what you left behind
Be strong, be strong now
Too many, too many problems
Don't know where she belongs, where she belongs
She wants to go home, but nobody's home
It's where she lies, broken inside
With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes
Broken inside
I couldn't tell you why she felt that way
She felt it everyday
And I couldn't help her
I just watched her make the same mistakes again
What's wrong, what's wrong now
Too many, too many problems
Don't know where she belongs
Where she belongs
She wants to go home
But nobody's home
It's where she lies broken inside
With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes
Broken inside
Open your eyes and look outside, find a reason why
You've been rejected, and now you can't find what you left behind
Be strong, be strong now
Too many, too many problems
Don't know where she belongs, where she belongs
She wants to go home, but nobody's home
It's where she lies, broken inside
With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes
Broken inside
minor thoughts before I head for a quick nap!
ahboy came by this afternoon..chau geng halfway from his training again..and came by for a nap..
==========
hmm....am seriously considering if I should embark on banking in the next phase of my career...Just a few inhibitions which I'm concerned with.
1. It's a job dealing with lotsa numbers. Am I up to it?
2. It's essentially a sales job with targets every month and your boss'll probably breathe down your neck every week for figures and mroe figures. Am I up to this kind of working style?
3. Sure, banking pays more and that's without a doubt one of the things which is attracting me...I don't think my character will change much after this but am just wondering
4. How will this affect my career path in the future? If I wanna go back to marketing after a stint in banking, I wonder how drastically will it affect me?
Zenne & Ahboy both told me to try for advertising. Hmm...yet another option..And I might try to get Sky to pull me into retail..and brother did hint to me that if I wanted to, he could offer me a job helping him out...aiyo...so many choices...but I don't know what I want!!
==========
kinda looking forward to Friday...for the impromptu makan gathering..haa...told Ling this "Since I cun go out, might as well drag you guys down to my place..hehehe..."
==========
buay dong..am heading for a nap before Amazing Race starts!! zzzzzzzzzzzzz........
==========
hmm....am seriously considering if I should embark on banking in the next phase of my career...Just a few inhibitions which I'm concerned with.
1. It's a job dealing with lotsa numbers. Am I up to it?
2. It's essentially a sales job with targets every month and your boss'll probably breathe down your neck every week for figures and mroe figures. Am I up to this kind of working style?
3. Sure, banking pays more and that's without a doubt one of the things which is attracting me...I don't think my character will change much after this but am just wondering
4. How will this affect my career path in the future? If I wanna go back to marketing after a stint in banking, I wonder how drastically will it affect me?
Zenne & Ahboy both told me to try for advertising. Hmm...yet another option..And I might try to get Sky to pull me into retail..and brother did hint to me that if I wanted to, he could offer me a job helping him out...aiyo...so many choices...but I don't know what I want!!
==========
kinda looking forward to Friday...for the impromptu makan gathering..haa...told Ling this "Since I cun go out, might as well drag you guys down to my place..hehehe..."
==========
buay dong..am heading for a nap before Amazing Race starts!! zzzzzzzzzzzzz........
Monday, October 24, 2005
my sweetie..
my poor baby's sick..must be the running around for that whole week or so...=( feeling abit guilty..the same thing happened in April too...he also fell sick after my week's stay in hospital..
hope he gets well soon enough..
hope he gets well soon enough..
sighzz
At the makan table today during lunch.
Mum:"Why are you looking so grumpy? Everyday also like that. The whole day your face is so moody. What the hell's wrong??"
Dad:" Ya lor ya lor."
Me: silence. Nothing lah.
Mum:" The worst is over..be happy lah! Then...everyday face so black. Do you know we look at you like that we also don't feel good?? Be happy lah! It's important for recuperation"
Me: more morose silence..
I apologise for being such a grumpy ass.. I don't know why I am feeling this way. Call it restlessness? I don't know. But it kinda feels like as if my brows are in a perpetual state of frowning..hope it doesn't add furrows to my forehead...hmm...
==========
HB sms-ed me this morning. Asked me to wish him good luck..cos he's going NIE for interview...
=============
Even if a person does not love you the way you want to be loved, it does not mean that he/she is not loving you with all they can.
=============
damn, am still staring at that bottle of vodka in my cupboard.....
Mum:"Why are you looking so grumpy? Everyday also like that. The whole day your face is so moody. What the hell's wrong??"
Dad:" Ya lor ya lor."
Me: silence. Nothing lah.
Mum:" The worst is over..be happy lah! Then...everyday face so black. Do you know we look at you like that we also don't feel good?? Be happy lah! It's important for recuperation"
Me: more morose silence..
I apologise for being such a grumpy ass.. I don't know why I am feeling this way. Call it restlessness? I don't know. But it kinda feels like as if my brows are in a perpetual state of frowning..hope it doesn't add furrows to my forehead...hmm...
==========
HB sms-ed me this morning. Asked me to wish him good luck..cos he's going NIE for interview...
=============
Even if a person does not love you the way you want to be loved, it does not mean that he/she is not loving you with all they can.
=============
damn, am still staring at that bottle of vodka in my cupboard.....
Sunday, October 23, 2005
Beautiful lyrics
Untitled - Simple Plan
I open my eyes
I try to see but I'm blinded
By the white light
I can't remember how
I can't remember why
I'm lying here tonight
And I can't stand the pain
And I can't make it go away
No I can't stand the pain
How could this happen to me?
I made my mistakes
Got no where to run
The night goes on
As I'm fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me?
Everybody's screaming
I try to make a sound
But no one hears me
I'm slipping off the edge
I'm hanging by a thread
I wanna start this over again
So I try to hold onto
A time when nothing mattered
And I can't explain what happened
And I can't erase the things that I've done
No I can't
How could this happen to me?
I made my mistakes
Got no where to run
The night goes on
As I'm fading away
I'm sick of this lifeI just wanna scream
How could this happen to me?
I've made my mistakes
Got no where to run
The night goes on
As I'm fading awa
yI'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me?
I open my eyes
I try to see but I'm blinded
By the white light
I can't remember how
I can't remember why
I'm lying here tonight
And I can't stand the pain
And I can't make it go away
No I can't stand the pain
How could this happen to me?
I made my mistakes
Got no where to run
The night goes on
As I'm fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me?
Everybody's screaming
I try to make a sound
But no one hears me
I'm slipping off the edge
I'm hanging by a thread
I wanna start this over again
So I try to hold onto
A time when nothing mattered
And I can't explain what happened
And I can't erase the things that I've done
No I can't
How could this happen to me?
I made my mistakes
Got no where to run
The night goes on
As I'm fading away
I'm sick of this lifeI just wanna scream
How could this happen to me?
I've made my mistakes
Got no where to run
The night goes on
As I'm fading awa
yI'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me?
Busy day...
Started re-watching "Meteor Garden" today...guess I'm still a teenybopper at heart..going ga-ga over F4..especially Jerry Yen and Zai-Zai..romantic phrasses gushing from their mouths simply melt my heart..
Been a busy day today..didn't get much rest..Peiqi, Hid, TaiHow, Eugene came over around 1pm..hsortly after, Ee-ma & Auntie Violet popped by..CMI, went for a nap around 4pm..was woken around 5pm..when Uncle Anthony, Auntie Theresa & Adelene came..gosh..cun believe mum n dad actually allowed them into my room when I was still sleeping..damn unglam..
Just when they were about to leave, Jen & Beng came..was pretty surprised Beng came...so sweet of her...=) And they brought a huge bouquet of lilies haa..wrapped in purple paper..Beng was really chatty haa...shared with us about her projects with The Sail & The Azure..great to hear she's doing so good with her commercial ad projects..Wa sharing stories about how God has helped her out alot too...They left at 7pm and we finally managed to have dinner. Ahboy came around 730...with 3 pkts of Cheng Tng in tow..the one from Bedok Corner Food Centre...haa..
Was slurping the Cheng Tng whilst watching meteor garden..got tired...and napped abit..hehe..got abit of back massage from him too...woohoo..really felt great..hmm..*notti thoughts*..=p Poor boy..think he's tired out too..hope he doesn't fall sick...
Was thinking of having a mini gathering at my place next Friday..with Ling & gang around..not sure if I should bring it up though...maybe just order some pizza & KFC...and then just hang around and tok cock...hmm..but have this feeling ahboy won't be keen on this notion..
Been a busy day today..didn't get much rest..Peiqi, Hid, TaiHow, Eugene came over around 1pm..hsortly after, Ee-ma & Auntie Violet popped by..CMI, went for a nap around 4pm..was woken around 5pm..when Uncle Anthony, Auntie Theresa & Adelene came..gosh..cun believe mum n dad actually allowed them into my room when I was still sleeping..damn unglam..
Just when they were about to leave, Jen & Beng came..was pretty surprised Beng came...so sweet of her...=) And they brought a huge bouquet of lilies haa..wrapped in purple paper..Beng was really chatty haa...shared with us about her projects with The Sail & The Azure..great to hear she's doing so good with her commercial ad projects..Wa sharing stories about how God has helped her out alot too...They left at 7pm and we finally managed to have dinner. Ahboy came around 730...with 3 pkts of Cheng Tng in tow..the one from Bedok Corner Food Centre...haa..
Was slurping the Cheng Tng whilst watching meteor garden..got tired...and napped abit..hehe..got abit of back massage from him too...woohoo..really felt great..hmm..*notti thoughts*..=p Poor boy..think he's tired out too..hope he doesn't fall sick...
Was thinking of having a mini gathering at my place next Friday..with Ling & gang around..not sure if I should bring it up though...maybe just order some pizza & KFC...and then just hang around and tok cock...hmm..but have this feeling ahboy won't be keen on this notion..
Saturday, October 22, 2005
birthday wishes
Bro messaged me on the night of my admission day (10th oct) into hospital..asked me what I wanted for my birthday...
Him: Hey sis, all the best for tomorrow ok. What do you want for your birthday?
Me: Thanks bro. Nvm lah, dun need anything. I just wanna roam the world, and leave my mark in every place I go..
Him: We will walk together and roam the world sis. We can always achieve what our mind can conceive. Cheerios.
I was about to sleep, was lying on the bed, huddled under the blankets..Just reading that last sms brought tears to my eyes...
================
wtf. am feeling freaking restless..
Wanna go swim. Cannot.
Wanna drink. Cannot.
Wanna go Sentosa. Cannot.
Wanna eat seafood. Cannot.
A.R.G.H.
headache's back again..throb. throb.throb.
Don't feel like taking painkillers cos am afraid of getting to used to them.
Super gian for a lychee martini...
Him: Hey sis, all the best for tomorrow ok. What do you want for your birthday?
Me: Thanks bro. Nvm lah, dun need anything. I just wanna roam the world, and leave my mark in every place I go..
Him: We will walk together and roam the world sis. We can always achieve what our mind can conceive. Cheerios.
I was about to sleep, was lying on the bed, huddled under the blankets..Just reading that last sms brought tears to my eyes...
================
wtf. am feeling freaking restless..
Wanna go swim. Cannot.
Wanna drink. Cannot.
Wanna go Sentosa. Cannot.
Wanna eat seafood. Cannot.
A.R.G.H.
headache's back again..throb. throb.throb.
Don't feel like taking painkillers cos am afraid of getting to used to them.
Super gian for a lychee martini...
Letter to the Bosses
Dear Bosses,
How are things going with the business? How’s the strategic growth of the business? Are things going according to plans? Are we moving along in the correct route/path??
To tell you frankly, I am lost and directionless. You urge us to pledge our strength and allegiance to you. Most of us have. We run together with you. But what of that? We need a more specific direction to run towards...not just a generic compass point far away in the horizon. We have been hearing of this generic spot far away in the distance. We have been plugged with such cursory information since at least a year back...To the extent that I'm starting to have doubts about whether or not you guys are sure yourselves of where you wanna go.
We are trying our best to be with you guys but we cannot just only be running on and on…We get tired, we slow down, we pant and heave our chests and so do you. You urge and encourage us, you push and prod. We try on our end & also put in our efforts…
But I have to admit. I am weak. I am getting distracted. I am flailing…I am tempted by other pastures…whether greener or not I do not know….Also, I do not know what I want exactly as yet..But I can feel my morale ebbing by the minute as I bob my head up and down, taking in frantic gasps of precious air...Throw me a lifeline quick, the currents are pulling me farther and farther out…I need something to anchor me down and steady me…
How are things going with the business? How’s the strategic growth of the business? Are things going according to plans? Are we moving along in the correct route/path??
To tell you frankly, I am lost and directionless. You urge us to pledge our strength and allegiance to you. Most of us have. We run together with you. But what of that? We need a more specific direction to run towards...not just a generic compass point far away in the horizon. We have been hearing of this generic spot far away in the distance. We have been plugged with such cursory information since at least a year back...To the extent that I'm starting to have doubts about whether or not you guys are sure yourselves of where you wanna go.
We are trying our best to be with you guys but we cannot just only be running on and on…We get tired, we slow down, we pant and heave our chests and so do you. You urge and encourage us, you push and prod. We try on our end & also put in our efforts…
But I have to admit. I am weak. I am getting distracted. I am flailing…I am tempted by other pastures…whether greener or not I do not know….Also, I do not know what I want exactly as yet..But I can feel my morale ebbing by the minute as I bob my head up and down, taking in frantic gasps of precious air...Throw me a lifeline quick, the currents are pulling me farther and farther out…I need something to anchor me down and steady me…
Yours Sincerely,
Michelle
Marketing Dept
============
Might be looking at 1st quarter of next year to move on...Maybe I can try sending cold letters to BluInc, SPH or even the banks and telcos...
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