撑住。加油。一步一步走。可以的！！

More than a year in the making. And I don't see any light at the end of the tunnel yet. 

This particular project that I had to inherit from someone who left the team, is taking up alot of my time, energy, effort, brain cells and brings me much stress too. 

This feels worse than a 2-year project I was handling 8-9 years ago, where we had to manage many more stakeholders, mainly external parties, and which involved more $$$. 

Somehow this project involves alot less $$ but involves 10 times more red-tape and frustration. I feel like I am audited before actually being audited.

Every turn brings new info and throws new spanners into the mix. Every other turn brings added obstacles and red-tape that we (I) need to figure out how to cross. Sometimes desperately. Company reputation at stake. International relations at stake. My team's reputation at stake. 

Jiayou Michelle. Hang in there. 
I hope this clears up and gets settled within the next one month. 
I want to enjoy my birthday in peace....

Words...from a soul in pain

1. The world will not stop a second for you.

2. Stand up from where u fell.

3. Never lose faith as this is the path that you need to walk through

4. There is no such thing as miracle. Each individual path is pre-destined. When a “miracle” happened, it is just destined to happen this way.

From ST
Written when she was about to undergo a D&C procedure

But, she's picking herself up slowly...Jiayou gal...you may not see this...but know that I am rooting for you....

Leader?

And so...this morning I received a Whatsapp message from one of my soon-to-be staff. 

It was an image that read "A leader is one who knows the way, goes the way and shows the way"

And accompanied by the message "Thanks for being the one!"

It was nice little perk-me-up on what started out as a rough morning....but I think...I don't know the way alot of the time though and also need help and guidance from staff before deciding which way to go..It works both ways lah...we learn from each other along the way...

True

 有些路走得很辛苦， 可是不走的话会后悔。

~ 黄思恬 Carrie Wong

The girls

Nadya gave Alyssa a Maths test yesterday haha...Alyssa got all 5 questions correct. Yay!

She also gave Alyssa a spelling test. And Alyssa got all 5 words correct too! Yay! Dog, Cat, Out, Car....and one more word that I cannot recall. 

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They spent at least 4-5 hours playing, eating and bathing together from 3pm to 8pm yesterday. I was pleasantly surprised they were content in each other's company and there were ZERO squabbles. 

I was proud and thankful too haha....cos that meant we had peace at home. ;p 

Nadya even fed Alyssa some potato nuggets when we were at Mac for dinner. Glad she was taking care of Alyssa...:)

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Today's the first day back at school...cranky & tired kids haha. 

Wonder if they can keep up the same lovey dovey momentum tonight!! Fingers crossed!

Mother Hen

Why my registrars pattern zuay zuay...since 3 years ago so many of them pattern zuay zuay. Zuay until I headache. 

Every other month there'll be some operational dua zong issue or some contractual compliance issue or some customer service issue...with some issues dragging on for a year or more. These are on top of the mergers, acquisitions, consolidations, cessations and dissolutions going on. 

When I settle on issue and think I can take a small breather, another issue crops up. Xian ley!! 

I look after 2 kids at home (erm...make that 3 ;p) and have to look after 3 staff and 25 registrars..I feel like a Mother Hen. No wonder I nag so much. 

Breathe in....Breathe Out.....Fhuuuhhhh....

Nevermind. 

Ganbatte...!!

One thing at a time...one step at a time...however slow it takes, one step forward is still a step forward. 一步一步来.....

Hopefully I can get suitable candidates fast, quickly interview them and get someone in soon. Then that person can start learning and I can offload some of these issues to her. 

10pm work call

Got a call at 1010pm last night. Work call.
Gave me a small shock to see my boss calling me & another colleague to have a quick huddle on something. 

Turned out that our ex-Min reached out to our big big lady boss...because he wanted recommendations on who to go to for registration of some domain names. Big big lady boss skipped big boss and reached out to my boss directly...and of course boss + colleague + me (aka the minions) had a quick huddle to discuss who were the most appropriate vendors to "recommend". 

My boss did the rest of the work like giving out the URLs to big big lady boss, etc. 

Once in a while I get such stuff...LOL.

Life of a public servant. ;p 

Metal

Nadya sometimes talks to herself and blabbers imaginary things or stories to entertain herself...maybe it's her imagination working hard and her mind in overdrive. 

Yesterday, while showering herself, she spoke of having metal in her brain and then stopped herself with a "Silly me, how can I have metal in my brain? Then I'll be a robot! Which I'm not!"

My workdesk is just outside the washroom and I heard what she was talking about. 

I felt like telling her...."Well, I have metal in my head. 3 titanium screws to be exact. Does this make me a robot then? ;p "

But I didn't in the end...didn't want to get into a conversation with her about brain surgeries and why and how and...oh well....

Nadya the knotter

I've been into Chinese macrame and knotting recently and did up a bunch of Chinese knotted dragonfly keychains. Nadya had been asking me to teach her and I kept putting it off because I felt it would be too complicated for her. 

Finally showed her yesterday evening and she surprised me when she picked up the knotting quite fast. Sure, I'd helped her hold the strings together here and there so they don't get tangled up but she knew which string to go where and whether it was above or under and through which loop. 

Well done Nadya!!

Note to self: Don't underestimate children, especially your own....

Of Reminders and Epiphanies

Right Now
Just Do It
Take the First Step
Keep Going
你可以的!

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Accept and Adapt
Accept that there are things you cannot change, like others' attitudes, behaviours, mindsets, or circumstances, the environment, whole structures
Adapt yourself then, be more flexible and tweak yourself, your approaches, your stances

It's not about undermining your values and principles
It's not about undercutting yourself
More of going about things in a different way to still meet your objective and get what you want
More of being the bigger, more open and more flexible person

But of course, still protecting yourself, your goals, your objectives

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心胸也属要放大一些
路才能走的更远
视线才能更辽阔

Dealing with The Coll

On one issue.

I could have 咬死不放 and pressed for answers from her. 

But I guess, for those in the cc list, it's clear enough for them to see the points I'd made. 

The facts that were laid almost bare for all. 

It is also obvious that she is avoiding having to answer my question directly and just focusing on other comments. 

I'll let her have the last word on this matter. 

I have other more pressing matters to settle. 

But I think we all know that she did not "win" this case....

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好声好气

I am learning, still learning from various people and even from junior staff. 

And one important thing I learned (from DC) on how to deal with The Coll.....

Is not to respond to an email when you are triggered and angry.

Calm down first and mull things over first before responding. 

plants

Thankful
For I spied another little new shoot that appeared in the Japanese Bamboo pot...
That makes it 2 new baby bamboo shoots...
I hope for more to come and the pot can regenerate and rejuvenate itself!

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Moss rose hasn't been blooming for the past few days...Saw some new flower buds, I hope it blooms again soon....

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Butterfly pea's speed of growth is really interesting....new branches (not even shoots or buds or tendrils) appear over 1-2-3 days. I hope our trellis works well...hmm....

Tom Yum!

I am lazy to follow recipes to a T...which is why I suck at baking. 

Anyway, I had an agar-agar recipe in my head for Tom Yum soup...(non-spicy version)...

I'd wanted to try it for the longest time but didn't have a chance to...

Finally wrote my recipe and instructions down yesterday and helper executed it....

Did a small pot as an experiment as I had an inkling the girls probably wouldn't like the taste of it. Since they're not used to such strong tasting spices yet...

Glad that this little experiment turned out pretty well! Yay to fish sauce, kaffir lime and lemongrass!

The kaffir lime gave such a lovely fragrance to the whole house haha...

Nadya didn't think so though and kept complaining about "that smell"...

Bah, she'll learn over time ;p 

The soup was good to me...comparable to outside soups! The flavours were almost down pat...

Except that the chicken pieces used were a little bland and chewy (maybe cos it's breast meat)...

Till the next experiment :)

Maybe it'll be better with seafood...

Oh my little plants!

Water Plum

Dropped leaves again in the last 2 weeks. Looking quite sparse compared to when it first came to me...:( I've not done anything different so I'm not sure what happened also. But there are also new growth so at least that's comforting....

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Japanese Bamboo

Yay, after months of wondering if it will make it, it sort of stabilised and now I see a new shoot poking out from the soil. To be honest, I didn't do much to it also. Just removed the browned, dead or rotted stalks that's all. And what's left were just 2 or 3 healthy stalks. Really happy to see the new shoot peeking out. May it revive and get into a big clump again!

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Ficus Ginseng

The one in the bonsai pot is doing good suddenly. Many many new growth - new leaves, new shoots, new buds. Happy to see! Hope it keeps up with this level of growth so that it'll fill out. It's been too sparse as well over the last 1-2 years.....Fed it with more organic compost so it gets the nutrients it needs to sustain its growth!

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Indian Borage

The main mummy plant is....burgeoning again...lol...I trim it from time to time and it ALWAYS comes back with a strong vengeance. I've given out countless cuttings to the extent I think her descendants have extended to Kembangan, Farrer Road, Pasir Ris, Tampines, and of course Telok Kurau. I've also thrown away many cuttings because I don't know what to do with them anymore haha...

I've cultivated 2 more pots from the numerous cuttings...and now...the 2 pots are also thriving. I've trimmed one of them recently too....

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Butterfly Pea

8 seeds sown, 2 germinated, 1 seedlings is thriving well, 1 is barely surviving and experiencing very slow growth. That's the small pot. The bigger pot cultivated form cuttings from a roadside plant is doing pretty ok. K & I set up a small trellies for its vines and stalks to latch on to...Wonder how it'll grow in the future :) But noticed it's starting to attract small little flies...hmm....

Me

This is me. 

I don't know if things need to be done in a certain way as an RO...but....I'll just do me. 

Zoom...no, not the online meeting application.....

 We're through 8 months of 2020 already. 

Like where did all those months go?! Sibei fast this year. And yeah I know I say this every year...but really SIBEI FAST this year....!! 

Itchy bitchy

Woke this morning feeling a little uncomfortable. 

Eyes itchy, nostrils very itchy, face a little itchy, scalp a little itchy, soles of feet a little itchy sometimes as well. Fingers too. 

No rashes, just these little itches. Allergy perhaps. To what? Dust mites? 

When I get this way, sometimes my breathing gets abit heavier. Nevertheless, I'm donning a mask in my own home just in case its due to pollen or whatever might be in the air. Yes, I get sensitive like this from time to time. A little irritating but I live with it. 

Will drink more water to flush out whatever might be in me too. 

Hope this goes away soon....

Breathe In....Breathe Out

God, 

Please grant me 

The full patience needed for dealing with the Coll 

The serenity to accept what cannot be changed 

The courage to change those that I can 

And the wisdom to know the difference

Thank you

Oral care

Oral care these days involves:

• brushing with normal toothbrush
• brushing with interdental brush for the teeth near where both dental procedures were done, and for the harder to reach places
• flossing
• rinsing with saltwater i.e. homemade saline. Around 2-3 times a day
• flushing of the surgery area with a big-ass syringe that has a long a metal tip. 3 or more times a day
• monitoring the surgery area and making sure no food gets caught in the hole that is still there...(dentist said the hole takes 2 months to close up...zzz....)

Jiayou!

sleepy

I knew I didn't wake a single time last night and only woke this morning when K brought Nadya into the room and he went to wash up. So by right, it should have been a good fitful sleep. However, I feel completely otherwise. I feel like I didn't sleep much and am tired and frazzled. I realised when I woke that I had a disturbing dream too, one that left me rattled. Trying not to think about it and trying to focus on work that needs to get done. 

I hope I can "wake" up more by the time my 1115am meeting with the CEO starts....I have another 4pm session with the Ministry folks. And much work today involves alot of thinking, tweaking of processes and policy work...Maybe I should soak myself in a tub of ginko juice or something...or guzzle gingko juice for my brains....

Jiayou Michelle....Ganbatte!!