rattles

poor joanne..
I think she'll get the bulk of my stuff during the handover...
Hope I can do up a proper sui-sui list for her...

plus she's only 2 weeks old in LHUB...

========
On other issues...
What's the point of throwing a letter...screaming and ranting and crying about it...Basically creating a big fuss over it...and saying that no matter what you will not stay...

But then..after a few words spoken to you by 3 different bosses...of cos with the mention of the possible increase of $$...
You say ok fine, I'll take it back and maybe hang on and see how...

thought the Chinese saying goes...
a good horse doesn't eat go-stan grass?

ok, I shan't be quick to judge...I am not the one involved..
But as the elder ones have said...we young ones think real differently from them..
Rasher, bolder & sometimes foolish...

oh well...guess it doesn't come as a surprise cos I expected it anyway...

========
countdown...12 more hours and I'll be at the airport!!
18 more hours and I'll be at Tsim Tsa Tsui...
24 more hours and I'll be at Victoria's Peak & Lan Gui Fang!!

Mad About...

• Sliced Fish Mee Sua : think I had this for about 3-4 times last week...hha..best one I had was at the Plaza Sing foodcourt...tops man I tell you!

• Reading : enough said...

• Benji Schwimmer : been seeing all of his dance clips on Youtube...!! But I have to say..his name sounds like a dog's...wasn't there a movie with a dog named Benji?

• Snacking : dang dang dang...mouth is constantly looking for something to chew upon..

• Green : I love green!! love it love it love it!! green bags, green pens, green clothes...

• Crumpler : I got a new red one yesterday! A surprise from ahboy!! woot woot!! It will be our travel bag in HK...wheee!! Big & Red!!

• Anything Peranakan : Flipped through the book ahboy bought for me from Times...about the Straits Chinese..lots of sepia-toned ghostly pictures & Malay words which I recognise...gave Granny the honour of flipping through the pictorial book..was sitting next to her looking at her (& the book of course)..kinda nice to see her reminiscing about the past...

• Grilled Wings & Mee Hoon Kueh : Am having a craving for them now actually...

• Sleeping : Slept yesterday afternoon...slept today afternoon...and still feel like sleeping...

my new love...

Benji Schwimmer....
Love the way he moves...

And the chemistry he has with Heidi Groskreutz is wonderful...Been dancing together since they were kids....
Check out this link...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_C0GzFJGxno

saying goodbyes

天下没有不散之宴席
来日方长，后会有期

Brian left me this message on my email when I dropped him a note to tell him goodbye.
Not a sincere way to inform others but time was tight and I'm on leave this whole week. Guess email was the fastest way...

I didn't feel this way when I left school.
Why do I find saying goodbye so difficult now?
The older I get, the more wishy washy I become.
Aw man.

General reactions I get are :shock, surprise..but happy for you...
Hahaha..

Devin got a shock too..Guess I didn't let on anything to him at all previously...
In his usual manner...he was kao-behing...haha...

*sulk*

Been a long while since I last felt this way.
Not even during our big quarrel last year. I felt helpless then but it was only for a few days.
I am feeling helpless, distracted, unsure for the longest time now.

Like I'm in a mild depression.
Little things make me emotional. Little things make me tear.
Mind & heart is not at peace at all.

Even when I went to the temple to pray on Saturday..I kept getting distracted..
The peace I felt whenever I am in a temple just wasn't there on Saturday...
Rather it was there but obscured by the clouds in my mind...

Am gonna switch it all off.
Fart it off, shit it off, laugh it off, sleep it off, burp it off.

*sulk*

more senseless chatterings

i think i am torn about geminis...was thinking about it on the train..

i love 2 of them..
am wary about 2 or 3 of them...
and am generally neutral about the rest...

i think geminis can be classified into 2 broad types
type 1 = 2-faced creatures
this type..must beware...

type 2 = not 2-faced
this type...maybe can be good friend...

but a singular trait runs through all geminis...
they all get along with everyone...
and when the time calls for it...
they can simply put on a smile for the occassion...whether sincere or not...

think i wrote about geminis before...damn...i don't think i am obsessed with them lah hor?
hmm mm...

opps bro longan...i am not condemning you ah.. ahha...=p

=======
shall go bathe now...
and watch survivor later...

super long since i last watched an episode..months maybe?

senseless chatterings

reading a book on eurasians in singapore & malacca...fictional though..
spans across 3 generations of a family with the name of Rosario..

boring in the beginning but in it's own little way..it's starting to have its own simple charm..

can'tstand the title of the book though...
river of roses
by rex shelley

========
2 skirts & 3 tops & lots of toiletries in 2 days!
haha..whee!!
long time since I bought stuff!

========
it's amazing the effect friday evening has on me.. haha...
was a grumpy bitch this morning and voila...evening comes & i'm as happy as a lark!!

damn..should have gone to ice cold beer and chilled abit..
thought i'd be a good girl this week and stay at home to accompany parents..since i'll be gone for 4 days next week...

came home...and realised they were not in..dunno go where and havoc AGAIN...
bleah...think they're more happening than me man...

i want the wings at ice cold beer!!!!!! bleah....

made a date with xingli 2 weeks later...Friday 11th may..
anyone care to join us?

========
my boyfriend (or fiance? ahha..) is a VAINPOT. period.

he's on a diet.

popped by sakae sushi for dinner just now..short one today cos he had to go back to work...
he stopped at 2 and a half plates...
i carried on munching...and munching...and munching...

dang..the people sitting next to us must be wondering if i'm a glutton...
#$^%$*&%(

=======
still deciding what my itinerary's gonna be for tomorrow..

should i go back office to clean up my files & do a good handover list?
should i visit the temple?

i know i need to go make contacts...am running out..
i know i need to go swim...

hmm mm...

last day is approaching...

Negotiated.
18th May = target last day.
If a temp comes in quickly, I can leave earlier.

25th May on the other side. At least I'll have a break.

Nobody came to speak to me about my tendering. *pout*

Maybe it's cos I didn't bawl.

Oh yes, I forgot. Tears are a powerful tool.
Especially when you've got big eyes.

Glenny, didn't have time to mention to you.
Scare tactic or not. Guess it was a convincing one.
There were tears involved.

======
I don't like changes...
I hate change.

I know I am being whiny.
But I still am feeling apprehensive about moving to a new place.

Shy leh...how to make new friends???

hang in there...one more day...

hahaa..it's a nice surprise to hear from you ...my dear CGL...=)
you know who you are...
my loyal reader haha...=p

didn't have the chance to speak much to you today..paiseh...hee hee..
didn't have the chance to ask you how come you cannot glide & run?? or something like that in your MSN nick...

========
glenny...din have much time to catch up with you too...
haa...may we soon have a fish & co time again..or an ajisen time...or a waraku time...or a hanabi time!!!

(i dun wan brazil anymore!!! I have high cholesterol!!! haha..)

========
right eye is acting funny these 2 days..
abit swollen..hmm mm..not red though..
just a little dry & tired...

green green grass....of ???

The grass is always greener on the other side.

Gues it's a phrase commonplace enough for even a primary school chiild to recite.

The grass is always greener on the other side because there is more shit.

You can call me suaku but it's the first time I ever heard this phrase.
Was simply stunned when I heard it said by Guin... haha...
Cos well..I've never thought about it this way at all....Whoever came up with this...woohoo!!
I love this phrase!!!

zzzz

There you have it.

Spoke to Guin yesterday evening..
All that's left now is my formal letter of resignation and well...the negotiation process of when will be my official last day.

Of cos along with this will be the negotiation of whether I can offset my leave...
Man..I really have alot of leave...more than 2 weeks...wonder how it will go.

Jen has not spoken to me yet.
Wonder if Zee will speak to me..for an exit interview perhaps?

I have a sudden inspiration to write goodbye letters to some people..
But wonder if I will have the time to do that..??
Especially when May 18th is coming up...
In the early stages of doing up my gift for our 3rd anni...Long way more to go...*jiayou*

=======
Am tired...eyes almost closing liao...
Never realised that the process of tendering a resignation can be such a stressful and long-drawn process...
My previous resignation was done in a quick and simple jiffy...

zzzz...

And I just realised there's so many freaking resignation templates online!!!
The wonders of the Internet.. haha.....

god bless me

sometimes...

i wonder..why do i get myself into such shit.

is it because i am dumb?

is it because i am just not streetsmart?

wtf...

really hope things turn out alright...

it's not an exaggeration when i say i've had sleepless nights over it.

i really really hope everything goes okay.....

==========

bad night last night

couldn't sleep well

lots of dreams..

there was one where office people and bosses appeared..

but the most vivid one was a darn stressful dream

i was in a lift lobby..looked like a hotel..

i wanted to go to the 35th floor...(i work on the 35th floor for those who don't know)

stepped into a lift pressed 35 but when i got out it was the 49th floor

pressed for another lift and hit the 35 button again

but when i got out it was the 42nd floor..

and it went on and on...

i tried the lifts, i tried the staircase....

i was panicking..

i was running around like a mad woman..

there were people around...some...

but either they could not see me or they pretended not to see me

i was all alone in that sense..

freaking out to the max....

and i still couldn't get to the 35th floor...

this went on and on ...

till the alarm rang...

wtf.

HK HK HK HK HK

Hong Kong is CONFIRMED!

Muahaha..my 3rd time there in 8 years??

Looking forward to it...I miss the French Toast, the dim sum, the roast pigeon, the desserts...

I wanna take the Star Ferry again!! I wanna go Victoria Peak again!!

=D

1st May to 4th May...

Short trip though...4D3N...

My lovely uni peeps

Rohlin's back in SG...after a whole year's absence...was away in London for an overseas attachment. Uni gang had a gathering on Friday night...
Quite a nice turnout...about 10 of us...Lemme see...who was there...

Kym, XL, me, HB, Mao Mao, Seng, Yvonne, Rohlin, Evonne, Chiewz...
Of course the usual absentees Sky & Peisi were still MIA...And Dan's in Sydney...Yong Soon had to tend to the ice-cream shop...

Had a huge huge dinner at Lerk Thai in Marina Square.. haha...then went for kopi at Killiney Kopitiam just down the stretch from Lerk Thai...
Disbanded after that...but Kym, XL, me & Chiewz went Paulaner's after that...

Updates....
Evonne's attached!! Yay!
Seng & Yvonne getting married end this year..
Rohlin & Yong Soon might be getting married next Jan...
Kym & XL will be next year too..but dunno when...
Dan & Yanling will be next year too...but also dunno when...
Yong Soon & Rohlin might be opening a 2nd branch of their ice-cream shop.. woohoo! Good for them...

So many in the gang are getting married soon...haha...think all within a few months' of each other...Shiong!! Time to save up again!!

8 years' on and we are all going strong!! From fresh-faced newbies in uni to seniors in hostel life....to the working class of today.. haha...
Woohoo...love these peeps!!
May we go on strong...=)

ai yai yai

Been up to my head last week..

With work (& my freelance thing as well), another dumb event and what else but studying..
Haha..crammed 3 months worth of French lessons into about 3-4 hours of studying.
30 mins to an hour each day.

Test was finally over yesterday...There was a section which wanted us to pretend we were in Bintan writing a postcard back to a friend in Singapore...Kaozzz...
Dunno what the hell I was writing hahaha..

Was also on medication..a super drowsy medicine...
Medication for what?? Not for flu or anything..
For facial eczema...bleah....had rashes on the face....went to see doc on Wednesday night....till now there are still some marks...
Gave me a huge bottle of medicated facial wash...smells terrible...haha...

Was supposed to go swimming yesterday after class and of all days...mens had to arrive at exactly the hour before I was to go for my swim.
Bleah...Had to lug around my bag full of books & towel and toiletries haha...
Was nursing aching thighs & a weird tummy...
No wonder lah...been eatingl ike a crazy horse for the past week and a half.. haha...

=========
Suddenly realised I miss Glenn! haha..Not seen him for a month at least?? I can't remember!!

=========
Will be having a week's break from French and then starting my Term 3 class on 5th May...
It's freaking expensive...I've spent $850 bucks on French already...for about 24 weeks worth of lessons....
Completed 16 weeks already... (so fast?!)
8 more weeks to go before Term 3 ends...

Wonder when will I be able to hold a proper conversation in passable French..?? haha...

=========
I miss TP! Haha...been a long while since we met up...
And the dumbass only remembers me when he's at Power House.
Messaged me when he was there on Friday..to ask me if I am there or not.. ahha...
Maybe I'll arrange a Friday dinner with him...

Hightime to catch up with some people...Eddie too...
Both been trying to arrange for lunch..but either he's busy or I am. haha..
Tough to meet up these days...with everyone being so busy with work..social life...family..blah blah blah...

ssendas

self confident
and still nice to others

self confident
but looks down on others

self confident
and still nice to others
but does not realise the words they use on others might be hurting

high ego
but still nice to others

high ego
but looks down on others

high ego
and still nice to others
but does not realise the behaviour they have towards others might be hurting

what are you turning into?
what you say could hurt others as it did me.
maybe i am a sensitive pig.

zzzz.....

Was at St James on Friday night.
Man...it's the 1st time I'ver ever gone to cheong clad in a stuffy shirt.
How can guys stand it?

It was a simple cosy night with Xingli & Xingni....they're sisters if you're wondering the similarity in names...
Felt like a giant next to them...towering at a grand height of errrr 1.61m...
Haha...was the only one amongst the thee who crossed 1.6....

Girlie night...
Girlie drinks...screwdriver was the theme of the night...
Girlie bitchiness...managed to squeeze in a slot at the bar counter by well..forcing our way in...ahha...ignoring the dagger stares by others...
Girlie giggles...gossip, dumb jokes and lots of observations about people around us
Girlie innocence? haha...
Girlie fun...on the dance floor of course...

Wondering if I am up to it to be there on a ladies' night haha...

It's a pity Peiqi & Alision don't cheong...let alone drink...

==========
The event went well on Friday morning..
Was at Raffles Place at 8am..kaozz..on a usual day, I am still home at 8am...

Nevertheless, didn't have the time to feel sleepy..The adrenalin and buzz of thoughts kept me wide wide wide awake.

Have the signages been put up? Will the speakers be late? Will staff be on time? Will there be technical issues? blah blah blah...

It went well by my standards....with the exception of me being a dumb emcee haha..
Was too tired to prepare a nice script the previous night.
Ended up trying to be a heroine and go with the flow..

Should have known from previous experiences that I am bad at free flow of words...Totally bad.
Think I was blabbering nonsense in front.. haha..started out strong and then faltered...and then stuttered.. hahahah...
Lost face in front of 60 pax...hahha...dang!
But....the heck with it!! haha

==========
It's kinda of unnerving. Been receiving compliments from bosses lately. In the droves..mostly with regards to the seminar....
But erm...never had so many compliments coming at the same time before...it's quite unusual...

It gets even more fishy when a boss pulled me aside yesterday evening.
We were at an association's D&D together at Holiday Inn Atrium...
Told me that he's satisfied with my work and with the outflow of people recently...he really hopes that I will not leave the company...

Errrr......Just smiled at that...hmm mmm.....

==========
Went to the D&D yesterday evening and it was quite an amusing experience...
Lim Swee Say was the GOH...He's generally a good speaker. Went up there without a script and just rattled on and on in his semi-beng accent....
Cracked a few jokes which really got the crowd laughing hard..

It was a hmm mm....cultural night haha.
There was an eurasian singer who entertained us with english songs..and then voila..he sang in hokkien, cantonese & chinese....and then kaozzz...he sang in malay............
And we were incredulous when he sang in tamil as well.......haha

And then there were portugese singers and dancers as well...aw man.....
Not forgetting an old ah lian who was singing english songs with a chinese accent...ala 7-month entertainment style...

Food was good though...saving grace of the whole event.. *yum yum*

And when will i ever get the chance to be served fish by my General Manager?
For those who are wondering..Suresh was slicing a whole sea bass into pieces...and he served the whole table.
Yups...the WHOLE table...needless to say...the CEO was there... hiakzzzz....

scary scary night

it was a scary last night

didn't sleep well again

not with the myriad of dreams marring my passage of slumber

i know i dreamt of mun kitt (GM) preaching to me about some things

i know guin (my boss) & thomas (sales director) & suresh (GM) were in the background

freaking hell

it is never nice to dream about your bosses while you are sleeping

fuck

it's an intrusion of my privacy!!!!!

there were some other dreams but i cannot remember them now

and then there was the other incident

felt like as if i was going mad

and like as if my mind was gonna blow up to pieces

i was sort of conscious and aware of my surroundings

tried to open my eyes but could not

tried to shift a little but could not

in that semi-conscious state

had to will myself to calm myself down

almost succeeded

and then that overwhelming feeling came again

it was unnerving

i think i was panicking to a certain extent

in chinese, it would have been called "gui ya"

or "ghost is sitting on you"

hence your consciousness but inability to move

in western terms...i am prolly under stress

it was probally a stress-induced dream

or stress-induced anxiety of the mind

oh well..

hope i sleep better tonight

tomorrow's event is important to me

i don't know why this particular event means so much to me

perhaps cos i was left alone to fully manage it

and well...goes to reflect well if it goes through smoothly

wish me luck!

heading to bed soon

have to be in raffles place at 8:00am

for the nightbird...that's a tough one to handle

Cheesiness to the CORE

a soft thunder erupts in the distance
a pale light flashes elsewhere

hearing the pitter patter
and the little splashes on the road
gazing at the forlorn sky
and the darkness of the night out there

she cannot help but feel
an inexplicable sense of loneliness
a longing for the warmth of an embrace
an even deeper wish for a loved one to be around

sighs flutter away into the cold mist outside
shallow breaths heave in silent anticipation

the maiden awaits
under the watchful eye of the moon
under its pale wash of silken beams

when will it be
how long will it take
to reach the hour before the witches' hour

late night musings

Trust. Betrayal.

Sporadic incidents over the past year. Some related, most not.

Guys cheating. Girls cheating. (though it's still a male-dominated arena. ahaha)

Friends back-stabbing. Colleagues back-stabbing.

A guy friend confided in me last night. In a confused state of mind.

Caught in a situation. Of what?

Of falling for another one while being engaged to another.

3 yrs vs 3 weeks.

Another guy friend confided in me 3 months back. Dilemma.

To dump his fiance for a ONS girl whom he had the hots for, for a few weeks?

3 yrs vs 3 weeks again.

Sigh.

Quite shocked when they shared with me. Peeps I've known for ages.

I don't blame them or despise them.

I love them still, everybody makes mistakes.

Just that, perhaps I didn't expect it to come from them.

==========

Deep in the recesses of my mind.

There lies a long-forgotten teenage aspiration.

To be a counsellor for young people.

Or a therapist/facilitator helping young kids with learning disorders.

Ok, maybe not counsellor per se since I am not emotionally strong enough.

But a worker helping them. Be it guiding wayward ones or something else to that aspect.

Haha. Thought it was gone.

But the thought was there alright. Just buried underneath some dust balls in my brain.

Somehow.

It miraculously surfaced a few days ago.

Hmm mm... *ponders*

Do I see myself in such a role still? Maybe maybe.

Do you? Lemme know.