Keep well my nose...

The nose is stuffed. Sometimes it leaks. Not good.
I hope it clears up within these few days based on whatever medication I have on hand.

No...I don't want to see the doc again....:(

I seem to be down every week...

Now, where do I go collecting more mana to boost my life force? ...Haha....

人比人，气死人

So sometimes I wonder why I subject myself to comparisons.
It can serve as a simple motivational tool.
But lose track of things and then it becomes something that perpetuates envy and/or jealousy.

Not healthy.

Reminder to self again that I shouldn't compare too much.

I've gotten better at this over the years but I do need to remind myself from time to time still.

What Are The Odds?

I've taken many taxis, whether flagged down or booked.
And I have never come across such coincidence. :)

I booked a cab last Friday evening to ferry me from MBC to Kembangan. And I picked up K along the way at Robinson Road. It turned out to be a Transcab lady driver (Auntie Lim) who was rather chatty with me. She zipped up when K boarded the cab though haha.

This morning, exactly a week later, I booked a cab to ferry me to work and voila, it was her again. I had thought the cab's licence plate number was quite familiar but it didn't occur to me till I got on the cab and saw her.

Fated.

She had taken a booking somewhere near Bedok but when she arrived at the location, apparently the person who made the booking did a no-show. When she tried to contact that person, that person rejected her calls. And so, she had no choice but to leave and hope for another booking.....And yes, I was that next booking which came along haha.

真的是有缘。

Thanks Auntie Lim for the entertaining ride. :)
Now I not only know that you are living in Jurong, but that you are a huge animal lover.

Oh....My...Lips!!

I had some chicken curry for dinner last night.

And my lip eczema decided to flare up after that. Parts of my lips were itching last night. And when I woke this morning, my lips were rather red and blotchy at the areas which were itchy. I don't have a lip line anymore at those areas. More like a blurring between the lip and my facial skin.

Bah....

I don't like it when this happens. Because I feel conscious when I talk to people and they start staring at my lips lol.

I hope it goes away soon!!

p/s: But I'm thankful I don't have sausage lips like how some who have lip eczema end up getting...hehe.

Peanut.....

I am missing Peanut a lot. ALOT.

I spent almost 5 full months with her. I saw her everyday and spent hours with her each weekday. Now I can only see her briefly in the morning and then for a short while in the evening before Little Baby comes home and tries to monopolise me.

The guilt is there.

The mind is in the office but the heart is with the little ones.

I salute all working mothers.

Clearly, I have not gotten used to going back to work yet.

:(

The Brother

Adrian just got promoted to General Manager of Events at his organisation.
Happy for him...:) I do hope the additional workload and responsibilities won't swarm him.

He's doing well for himself and thriving. Even more so after he officially joined the Catholic faith.

Kinda glad he did not take up that job offer from our uncle all those years ago. I doubt he would have been happy in that company.



Am I doing well in my life? I don't know.
Good in some aspects, mediocre in others.
Overall ok I guess. :)

Chiropractic Issues

There was a free spine screening session by a chiropractor in the office today. I went for it and received some depressing news.

My scan showed a stress score of 1,293. In comparison, my colleague had a reading of 300-plus. FML.

So apparently I have horrible neck posture and I have super duper high tension and tense muscles in the neck and shoulder areas. To top it off, my lower back is apparently rather weak. Besides the electronic scan reading, he told me all these by just holding my back and asking me to do some simple bending positions.

The doctor told me to go book a chiro session with them to fix my issues.

Sigh.

:(

Tears

"A drop of clear saline fluid secreted by the lacrimal gland and diffused between the eye and eyelids to moisten the parts and facilitate their motion."
- Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary



They lurk
Just beneath the surface
Ever ready to fall
At the slightest provocation



"Tear are words the mouth can't say nor can the heart bear."
- Joshua Wisenbaker

The Now

Lines between night and day have gradually gotten blurred

I feel sleepy in the day and am kept awake at night

Life itself seems to be a blur

A constant heady mix of things happening and needing your attention

With nary a break in between 

Work is another constant blur

Distractions and deadlines 

People, mails, projects, bosses, the like

It is difficult to concentrate

I'm distracted

The mind falters, wanders or switches off 

The mind at times too travels into a deep abyss I try not to go to 

At such instances things take a noxious ominous note

I gag and I heave and I try to pull myself out

I remind myself 

There are people who still need me

There are people who still love and care for me 

I'm more blessed than others

I should be stronger and more content

I should think and worry less

There will be light at the end of the tunnel

The sun will still shine after the rain

Get Well Soon Peanut....

If I include PD and doctor visits for the kids in addition to my own, I think I would easily hit 1-2 visits to the doc every week for the last 2 months.

Brought Peanut to the PD this morning again. Poor girl has been having a badly congested nose since Saturday night. She caught a cold on the 1st day of CNY but it cleared up. For a mere 3 days before it started again.

She has been sneezing out chunks and dribbles of mucus. And she has been crying more than usual. I think she's tired too because she can't sleep well. See liao heart pain.  :(

I'm at work but my heart is at home now where she is being cared for by the helper.


Jiayou Peanut...!

What's up doc?

I've seen a GP an average of once a week for the last 4 weeks. And prior that, an average of 1-2 times a month since the birth of Peanut. 

These are not counting whatever checkups I had. 

Argh. 

That puts it close to 10 or maybe even 10 trips to the GP in the last 5 months. 

So the lack of rest has made me susceptible and vulnerable to various ailments? 

Sigh.

I hope it only gets better from here on...

Headaches

I've been having headaches these 2 days. Basically, since I started work yesterday.

Popped Panadol earlier today and it helped for several hours but now the throbbing has started again. 

I can only attribute it to:

1. I don't wanna go back to work.

2. The constant glare of the laptop screen.

3. The constant glare of the fluorescent lights overhead.

4. Suddenly using too much brain cells when the brain has not been picked at in such a manner for many months.

5. The constant sounds and chatter throughout the whole day.

6. The small talk and banter when you meet other colleagues throughout the whole day.

7. Missing my bed too much.

8. Missing my girls too much.

9. Wearing contact lenses again after a long hiatus.

10. Lack of sleep.

Of cabs and taxis

I caved. 

I took a cab home after work again today.  

Are laziness and a splitting headache sufficient as reasons for doing so? 

:((( 

I've spent $100 on cabs in 2 days. Sigh. 

Of Monologues and Double-Words

And so, now that Peanut has started infant care and the inlaws have started sending and fetching her to and from school.....the monologues with double-words have started again. The same monologues we heard 2 years back. 

"Oh the sun glare glare lah!"

"You want to hold hold? Alyssa grab grab lah!"

"Oh you want to chew chew and bite bite!"

"You want to mum mum is it?"

"See the tree tree, bird bird, cloud cloud?"

"Look at the [insert noun twice]!"

Much noise in the car in the mornings. 

I need more patience. :)

The long drawn weaning process

It's taking a long time but I think I'm doing an alright job of weaning Peanut off my milk. 

She went from 100% breastmilk to now maybe 55% formula and 45% breastmilk.  

I went from pumping 6 times a day to the current 3 times a day. 

I will need to continue pumping at work for a few more weeks or maybe a month or two. 

I started Little Baby on cereal and other solids when she was 5.5months and I would be doing the same for Peanut. 

Hopefully that would be the time when I would be able to wean Peanut off completely. 

I'm half-hearted about it though....weaning her off. A little guilty about it. 

And also.....What if she doesn't recognise my smell anymore? 

As it is, with her starting infant care and Little Baby being so clingy to me, I am spending very little time with Peanut. :( 

Year of the Monkey

This year's CNY isn't much to shout about. 

Besides the fact that K flew off for work on 初一 night, Peanut and I fell sick on 初一 night as well. I also smacked Little Baby on 初一 night, and was the cause of her tantrum on 初三 night and 初四 morning. 

I hope tonight will be better. I shall rein in myself and attempt to be less harsh/strict on Little Baby. Sometimes, maybe discipline can take a backseat? 

Fingers crossed that the weeks and months and year ahead will be better. 

大年初二

Lunch was plain rice with some corn soup, plain tau kwa and some sotong balls. A little pathetic but the helper and I were looking back after Peanut and couldn't do much else.

My nose was starting to drip and so I popped a flu pill and promptly concussed for 1.5hrs. Helper was watching over the napping Peanut and besides, I didn't give her any instructions for dinner. And so voila...we don't have dinner. 

Instant noodles to the rescue. 

Yes a little pathetic again....

This CNY hasn't been all that rosy but I'm just happy Peanut is still smiling sometimes amidst her crankiness and general malaise.

Fingers crossed.

明天会更好啊!!

大年初一

I smacked Little Baby and shouted at her numerous times last night. 

(Besides the usual hugs and kisses she gets from me.)

Didn't want to do so on the first day of CNY but I guess there's no choice when the situation calls for it. 

:(

If there's any consolation. I explained why I had to scold and smack her and she seemed to brush off the incident within minutes. 

Sigh.

Alone with helper. K is away for a work trip. 

One girl is down with fever and runny nose and very cranky.

The other is recovering from diarrhoea but still fussy and volatile and sticky as hell to me.

Had dinner at 1015pm because Peanut was hard to put to bed. Put her down twice into her cot and each time she woke within 10-minutes. 

I eventually slept at 12am. Only to be awoken by her cries at 1230am. The helper settled her while I settled Little Baby who had woken up as well due to the noise. 

215am. Little baby woke again and was fussing like shit. No idea why, just incessant whining and fussing and kicking. 

I hope that's the end of tonight's challenges. 

FML lah. I know I 犯太岁 this year but no need to "choot" so much pattern when it's 大年初一 right?!

And now I feel the onset of a bad sore throat and a sniffly nose. Plus I seem to be growing a cyst next to one of my ears. 

Sigh. Argh. Bah. Bleah. 

%#<^*!!?!!><]#%£€¥!!!%#

Granny

Granny would have been 100 years old on 7 Feb if she were still around.

Ally said she was prolly enjoying herself and having a good game of mahjong up in heaven. 

I like that idea. :) 

And she's prolly playing with Ipoh, Tuan Ku and her eldest sister who passed on like maybe 60/70/80 years ago...

Happy Chinese New Year Mama...Selamat Tahun Baru Cina...

I miss your potato chips, buah keluak, hee peow soup and acar...these were all your CNY specialities...