Tuesday, April 30, 2019

Coincidences?

Something's been happening in recent weeks and months...The coincidences are sometimes so uncanny and mysterious it's a little unnerving.

The number 44 appears very often. Sometimes it's just 4 but most of the time it's 44.

  • I'd glance at my phone or my laptop for the time and it would be something along the lines of 9:44am, 1:44pm, 2:44pm or 5:44pm. This happens all the time. And my phone is on a 24-hr clock display so when it's 2:44pm, it actually reads as 14:44pm. There were at least 2 to 3  occasions when I woke in the middle of the night to pee and the clock read 4:44am or 3:44am or 2:44am. 
  • I'd stop reading my book to find that it's at page 44 or 64 or 74. 
  • I had a medical appointment on 4-4-19.
  • My brother just turned 44 a month ago. 
  • A cab I booked came with licence plate number 2844
  • And so on....

Relax

Sweaty palms
Sweaty feet

Just saw this on my boss' cup...how apt.

"Relaxation is an art. Practice. Practice. Practice."

Monday, April 29, 2019

Touched

One of the paragraphs that resonated with me the most when I read Desiderata.

    Take kindly the counsel of the years,
    gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
    Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
    But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
    Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
    Beyond a wholesome discipline,
    be gentle with yourself. 

Strip away some words and the underlying key points that touched me come through.....

Take kindly the counsel of the years.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Be gentle with yourself.








Desiderata

Written in 1927 by poet Max Ehrmann. But still very relevant for how we should live our lives.


DESIDERATA
Max Ehrmann, 1927
    Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
    and remember what peace there may be in silence.
    As far as possible without surrender
    be on good terms with all persons.
    Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
    and listen to others,
    even the dull and the ignorant;
    they too have their story.
    Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
    they are vexations to the spirit.
    If you compare yourself with others,
    you may become vain and bitter;
    for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
    Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

    Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
    it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
    Exercise caution in your business affairs;
    for the world is full of trickery.
    But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
    many persons strive for high ideals;
    and everywhere life is full of heroism.

    Be yourself.
    Especially, do not feign affection.
    Neither be cynical about love;
    for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
    it is as perennial as the grass.

    Take kindly the counsel of the years,
    gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
    Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
    But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
    Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
    Beyond a wholesome discipline,
    be gentle with yourself.

    You are a child of the universe,
    no less than the trees and the stars;
    you have a right to be here.
    And whether or not it is clear to you,
    no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

    Therefore be at peace with God,
    whatever you conceive Him to be,
    and whatever your labors and aspirations,
    in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.

    With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
    it is still a beautiful world.
    Be cheerful.
    Strive to be happy.

Roasting

We were at the basement of 112 Katong and making our way to Nadya's ballet class.

Alyssa suddenly said to me: "Mama, I want to roast the man!"

Me: ??? Roast the man? Huh???

She pointed to something. I followed her gaze....and...

Oh. CHEY!!

She was referring to the table soccer machine just outside the supermarket. Those with sticks/handle bars sticking out from the sides of the machine and where you twist those sticks so that the different-coloured little plastic men attached to them would hit the plastic soccer ball in the machine.

So smart lah this girl...
Haha....Roast the man...LOL LOL....

Reminder to Self

It's ok to reminisce once in awhile.
It's ok to run through some past memories in your head once in a blue moon.

But it's not so good to live in the past or wish certain things would go back to the way they were.

Because time and space and people have moved on.

And so should you.

While it is true that the past has helped shape you, it is also true that we should live looking forward and moving forward.

Sure, you can pause and take a look back to see how far you have come, what you have overcome and what you have achieved.

Then take a deep breath, collect yourself and move on again.

Keep moving forward.
Trudge on.

You can do it.

Friday, April 26, 2019

When....

When you put on a brave front and meet with an external party (for work purposes) whom you get along with rather well but have not met for maybe 7 to 8 months or so.

When the heart is very willing but the mind wreaks havoc with you.

When you catch up with the other party but you can feel your legs trembling as well.

When you are chatting but also feeling your hands turn clammy and a little sweaty.

When you are talking and at the same time feeling yourself go a little light-headed.

When you are present with the other party but at the same time trying to get a grip on yourself.

When you realise that it was only a 30mins catch-up and you were willing to go on longer...but the mind seems to be getting more impatient as well.

At least I did it.
I went downstairs. I met with my registrar for 30mins.
I can do this.

Heartwarming

It was a heartwarming moment. Happened this morning.
I guess these moments are made all the more special when you don't expect it at all.

I was on my bed and putting on my concealer. Nadya happened along and was playing with some toy when I mentioned to her that it was rather hot. The fan was at the time fixed at another spot away from me.

I didn't ask her to but Nadya then skipped over to the fan, pressed the button to release it from its position and tried to then fix the fan so that it would blow at me.

感动.

I thanked her and mentioned that I really appreciated that action. She smiled proudly.

Wednesday, April 24, 2019

Seek and you will find

Wonder what happened to my "mind over body" mantra over the years.
It kind of fizzled out when I didn't rely on it much over the last 6, 7, 8 years...

I forgot all about it but it suddenly popped up in my head this morning.

It is ironic that having gone through a few more years of life, the mind seems weaker now than it was before. Maybe ignorance and a certain foolhardiness and bravery fueled the mind a decade ago. That courage to trust and believe in yourself and let things be come what may. That courage to keep moving and keep going even if things go awry.

I should search within for that courage again.
Strength. Yes, I need that too.


Wednesday, April 17, 2019

Peanut

Even though she's already 3.5yrs old, I still see Alyssa as a baby.

I was really caught by surprise when I found out by chance last night that she could read and recognise the Chinese words 狗, 羊, 红, 妈, 爸,六 , and 白.

Her Chinese class teacher had returned a worksheet that they used in class and there was an attached paper detailing how well she knew some of these Chinese words...I think she may know more words than these....

Way to go Alyssa!!

I think we did not spend as much time teaching Alyssa as we did to Nadya couple of years ago....
Maybe that's why everything that Alyssa can do right now, I find fascinating...like how she drew her classmates and even added in details like their shirt buttons, shoes and coloured hair....

Monday, April 15, 2019

Bosses

I am thankful for having had nice bosses over the years....

Some of them may have been cantankerous, obnoxious, or quirky and strange in their ways...
But they were flexible, nice and genuinely cared for me in their own ways too...

James
Guinevere
Jenaline
Choon Sai
Ser Pheng

Thank you for being in my life at various stages...and thank you for imparting some of your knowledge (whether knowingly or unknowingly) to me...

I can.

The journey of a 1,000 miles starts with a single step.

A single step.

Just. Need. To. Get. Started.

For now, it is......

Not about how far, how long, how fast I can go.

But about taking that first step.

That first step.

That first single step.

Need some courage and motivation.

Thursday, April 11, 2019

Promotions...nope not me

Been receiving pieces of good news from here and there in the recent 1-2 weeks...

Ally received a promotion!

Linda received a promotion!

And now...Kah Hui received a promotion as well!

Happy for them....

Kah Hui was promoted to SM after me and now she's an AD. Am a little envious. But not too much also, cos I know that their scope of work and what we're doing in my team is vastly different and on a different scale and level altogether...
I'm just happy that she's got more $$ now for her housing loans and renovation...!!

11 April

Hello Mama,

How are you? I miss you.

Hope life's been good up there. Are you still playing mahjong with Ipoh, Tuanku, Kimpoh and your other relatives? Are you eating, sleeping and drinking well? I don't know actually, do you guys get to eat, drink and sleep? :)

The girls are doing good. They are growing well, Nadya is getting more articulate and is learning things well. Alyssa is getting more expressive but she's also throwing alot more tantrums these days. Her body constitution is still not so stable and she falls sick easily. Please watch over the two of them ya...

The rest of us are doing alright. Adrian went through major changes last year but has since stabilised. There will still be more changes in his life this year too but they're all for the better I hope. Mum and Dad are doing good. They still have their health issues here and there but by and large, they've been pretty good and stable, and still going on their cruises and Genting trips. K is doing alright and has started running regularly again. He's been watching his food intake and is working hard at his venture. As for me, I've been having some health issues here and there over the last few months but I'm still doing ok for the most part. I will persevere and work hard to be well. Lastly, both Ah Gor and Ah Dioh are getting baptised at Bedok Methodist Church this Saturday at 3pm.

Please watch over  all of us too ya...

In the meantime, take care...and I'll "speak" to you again next time...


Love you...
Michelle

===============
Swung by Holy Family Church yesterday afternoon to say some prayers and to "speak" to my Granny for awhile. K was with me as well. My parents and Adrian had gone there earlier in the afternoon and left about 5mins before I arrived. Missed them by that mere 5mins haha.

It's strange. Whenever I step into this particular church, I feel emotional and I always end up crying when I sit in the pews to pray. I'd try my best to control myself but to no avail, the tears just come. Just a matter of many tears or some tears. I don't get this way when I am at Novena Church.

I wonder what's there at Holy Family Church that gets to me.....maybe it's the giant stained glass feature adorning the main hall's front wall. It's beautiful by the way. Very beautiful.

So anyway, it's been 5 years since Granny left us. Time flies. I remember Nadya was only 6 months and 2 days old when she passed. And I remember feeling thankful that at least Granny had gotten to meet Nadya when she was about a month old.

I miss my Gran's hands. They were pretty large for a woman, slighty calloused at certain areas but very warm. I miss that warmth. Whenever I felt cold, which was pretty often, especially when the family was out at a shopping centre, she'd hold my hands and rub them to keep them warm.

When I sing or hum songs for the girls at night before they sleep, I'd get reminded of her too, and the times when we lay together on the leather sofa at our old Bedok flat at night before bed and she sang me songs and nursery rhymes like Old McDonald and Baa Baa Black Sheep. That was one of the earliest memories of my life. I think I was probably 3 or 4.

Typing this and tearing up at work. Not so good. ;p
I should stop.

Wednesday, April 10, 2019

...........

Since December 2018, K has taken turns with me to sleep with the girls. Before that I was sleeping with the girls each night.

Now that this arrangement is in place, I look forward to the nights when it's my turn to not sleep with them.

I have no idea how I survived before......waking up each night multiple times over a period of almost a year. Maybe that's why I fell sick often and felt so overwhelmed with things. Maybe that's why or how I ended up with myriad issues. I guess sometimes, just trying to trudge on and persevere on your own isn't all that......smart. For lack of a better word.

Food for Thought


I was asked to think through these 2 questions last week. 
  1. What are your expectations of yourself as a mother?
  2. What are your expectations of yourself as a wife?
I thought alot about it on Wednesday evening and Thursday. 

And then my acid reflux acted up.....lol.

===============

One of my favourite episodes from Jibsabu Ilche (Master in the House) that got me thinking. 
It was aired earlier this year and featured Park Jin Young (CEO of JYP Entertainment) as the Master. 

He asked the members to ponder over the below 2 phrases and fill in the blanks with their own words....
  • I want to be  _____________.
  • I want to live for  ________________. 
His own sentences were:
  • I want to be respected.
  • I want to live for the truth. 

Tuesday, April 09, 2019

Ang Gu Gu....

Feeling happy...

Eric and Des are due in end June.
Dan and YL are due in early Oct.

ST is trying for one.
Par and Desh are trying for one too...

More babies = more love and joy around...

Good News

Just received a piece of good news...YL is expecting again!
 Charlotte will have a baby sibling soonnn!! Hahahaha...

I knew something was up when I suddenly thought of Dan & YL last week and when I suddenly thought of YL this morning again...
She also suddenly texted me around mid-day today....asking me out for lunch...

I wondered to myself if I would see her with a big belly.....

And then aha...! She told me about it....

Happy for them. :)

EDD in early Oct...yay! Will be a libran like me, Nadya and Alyssa!

Milestone Again!

This time...*drumroll*......it's US. :)

And so...10 years ago on a fateful Thursday
This innocent little (female) lamb stepped aboard a pirate ship ;p
And sailed away with the captain of the ship...(who happened to be another lamb)

Meh meh meh....Arrrrrr!
Yo ho ho! Ya ha ha!
Hardy har har har!

Over smooth waters
Over rough waves
Under twinkling stars
Under the shiny moon
Under the mighty sun
Under fluffy clouds

Rain or shine
The 2 sailed on
The 2 lambs have now become sheep
With 2 new lambs of their own...:)

Happy 10th Anniversary Baby!
Love you and thank you for being around
Thank you. Just because.

Monday, April 08, 2019

Milestone!

Peanut finally wrote her name by herself. :)
On 6 April 2019, Saturday.
On a magnetic board at the reading corner of Lorna Whiston School, the Parkway Parade branch.
While waiting for Nadya to finish her class.
Aged 3 years and 6.5 months. :)

Mama and Dada are proud!


Image may contain: Michelle Sng, smiling