The festive
& holiday season left me quite exhausted.
Getting presents
ready + Getting food ready + late nights + social anxiety +work matters….
It’s the start of the year but I’m feeling tired.
One can only trudge on and keep going.
A thought popped up in my mind the other day…that maybe the theme for 2024 could be “Invest in yourself”. It can be taken in many ways – mentally, physically, emotionally, financially…
Food for thought…
Went to see the gynae early this morning. Managed to get a slot for the prolonged cycle issue.
Happy to hear that everything is normal and looks "nice and healthy and all clear" in his words.
Explained to me that it was likely due to hormone imbalance issues.
We laid off taking any progesterone pills for the time being. Just monitor for the time being. The pills need to be taken for 21 days day and night, then break for 1-2 weeks and then need to be taken day and night for another 21 days. That's around 2 months...and there are possible side effects like nausea, etc.
I'll prefer to monitor first then see how.
In the meantime, manage stress, exercise more, sleep earlier, cut down on sugar, take more healthy fats and protein, etc....
Last Dec had no lull. Likewise this year.
This year is more intense in other ways. Including 2 friggin projects that are bring me stress. And the fact that one staff is going on ML soon.
深呼吸
船到桥头自然直
That said, still very thankful that I got to relinquish some duties. Stuff which I was double-hatting and carrying since March 2022, was finally and gradually offloaded fully on 15 Dec.
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As usual, will be clearing leave in the last week plus of the year. But as always, I'm expecting some interruptions. Hope there won't be too much.
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Thankful that at least CNY is not in Jan this year...there's more breathing space between all the hectic-ness....
What used to be one of my favourite time of the year is slowly turning into...something else.
Overwhelmed with things to do and get. And the social aspects of it is unnerving.
Brother is doing something extra this year and pulling in some distant cousins into the picture. Bracing myself for what I need to do to help buy or prepare, and for all the hala-ing.
I pray that I have the energy and head space to deal with the next 2 weeks...
I actually do miss the Covid restrictions few years back. I'm very happy just staying at home and hiding in my corner. With the occasional meal with extended family and 1 or 2 other small social gatherings.
We're a little late this year but we finally got the tree up yesterday.
Thanks to K who dug the tree & decorations out from the deep recesses of our storeroom.
I'm usually feeling Christmassy by now.
But there are things on my mind that are weighing me down abit - one work item that still has cloudy skies and hasn't cleared up yet, other things to do & errands to settle & things to buy and prepare, gifts to settle, monies to be accounted for, admin stuff to check, new school stuff to be sorted out, etc...
I'm tired.
K is tired.
We're trying, and trudging on.
I have 2 fashion consultants at home. I held up a pink/pale red dress against myself last night in front of the mirror.
The younger consultant quipped: "Nice dress! I like it! Very nice."
Paused for 2 seconds, and then followed up with a "But I don't think pink and red suit you Mama. You look better in white, black and dark blue. Ya, so don't wear this dress tomorrow to work."
Ok, Princess Alyssa spoke. Laoniang adhered to her wishes lol.
And I guess, my little attempt to venture out of the usual white/black/navy blue/grey mould has been thwarted haha.
IMDA had its Family Day last evening at USS, from 7pm to 11pm.
I'm thankful the weather sort of held up. It didn't pour, and only had bouts of light drizzle here and there.
We watched a performance at WaterWorld, which I didn't quite enjoy as there were loud sounds and flashes of light due to gunshots and explosions. And then....
The girls had their first amusement park rides!
Nadya - The Mummy, Puss in Boots, Transformers
Alyssa - Shrek, Puss in Boots, Transformers
Nadya seemed to love the rides and talked about them excitedly (and incessantly ;p) after each ride. Alyssa was excited as well though more subdued.
I was the bag holder who waited outside each ride lol. Since I didn't want to get on them...Been on The Mummy ride once >10 years ago with K and that was well.....enough for me. Laoniang ham ji and bo ji to take anything else unless they're kiddy rides like small trains, etc.
Happy to have met some ex-colleagues who were there as their spouses or close friends were still with the organisation. Met a lady whom I've not seen in 10 years. Happy to bump into Kah Hui too!
Thankful too that K finished his army meeting earlier than planned and didn't have to rush home to meet up with us.
There is still a sense of inadequacy, lack of confidence, inferiority, fear even...you name it.
At this age.
Is it due to upbringing? Due to being told since young that I cannot do various things because I have (insert medical condition)? Or due to something more innate? Character? Personality? Is it nature or nurture?
Am aware that it is self-limiting. Breaking that mould & mindset is hard though.
Alamak I forgot...the daily grind and dates and enrichments and family stuff and and and.....
Happy 12th ROM anniversary! :D
Lol.....better late than never
3 Nov - Happy birthday Zain, wherever you are.
My P4, 5 & 6 classmate who left us back in 1996 or 1997.
You were a pain to deal with at times given your propensity to talk rubbish and play tricks on others. But you were nice and cool too. You were loyal to your classmates and "defended" those within your circle against other classes.
Senior heart consultant said I don't have whatever they said I had over the last 20years.
20years ago they said I didn't have whatever I had 35+years ago but I had a mild version of something else, mild pulmonary valve stenosis. 20yrs of this mild something...and now it seems I don't actually have it. According to this senior doc. I was referred to her by my regular doc and I'm not sure if I still need to go back to him to close the loop on things. Senior doc said my heart is fine in all aspects, as far as she could tell from my echo scan.
Don't quite know what to make of this news today...
Being the pessimist/complainer that I am, my immediate thought was to lament. The number of yearly checkups and on and off scans and fees that came along with these. The antibiotics that I've had to take before dental appointments over the last 2-3 decades. The constant informing of my condition to new doctors or GPs that I meet along the way. This thing that has been part of my identity for more than 35 years.
The other side of me is telling me to be positive and throw away the negativities. This is good news afterall. Senior doc told me to start getting active since she feels I am all clear.
Thoughts...
cancer...
One of my bosses diagnosed with lymphoma
MIL had something this year
My insurance agent had thyroid tumour, removed it and now it's back again this year
Friends' fathers or FIL had some form of it
Ex-boss just passed on because of it
Cousin who succumbed to stomach cancer
Another cousin-in-law fighting breast cancer
:(
Just found out. Sudden and shocking and upsetting.
Jenaline just passed on today. My ex-boss in a previous company.
Not sure what happened. But she was a good person...ever vibrant, cheery, active and energetic. She was one of those who tried to keep things going the proper way when we were in our ex-place. 傻大姐 demeanour at times but smart & intelligent.
Last saw her in 2018 at an ex-colleague's wedding. I remember her birthday each year but have not been wishing her the last few years. Thought about her recently but did not reach out. Maybe I should have.
Rest in peace Jenaline. Thanks for all the laughter, good vibes and advice you gave when I was in my 20s...You touched the hearts of all you met and I'm sure you are home with the good Lord now.
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update: it was due to cancer
When you are used to having a cool cucumber as your big boss for more than 2 years...one who is steady and very cool and calm to hold the fort. So calm & collected that even other Senior Directors try to ask him for help to present to Minister-level folks.
When your new big boss is a kan cheong spider and younger and more energetic and the whole team has to oscillate to the other end of the spectrum to accomodate his style....
When it has been 6 months since your new big boss came in, and you are still trying to adjust to his ways...
When he replies emails within 30mins of you sending them out...and asks 5-10 questions for each case....
When...
When....
When....
Sigh...
Jiayou.
I can only trudge on. And breathe...and continue moving forward...bit by bit...though the counter forces seem to be growing more these last few months...
Been a strange month. Where emotions & stress levels are high.
And where I am somehow meeting up with old friends. Last 2 Sunday afternoons were spent meeting up with Ally & PQ, and then Kah Hui. Folks whom I've been meaning to catch up with for a looooong time but never managed to get down to.
Had a sudden invite that came in yesterday for a coffee date with Chiewz and Dan for this Sunday afternoon. It's been 4.5 years since I saw them. Hope it won't be awkward...shouldn't be la hor? We've all known each other for 24+ years already....
Much thanks to K...to be with the girls while I'm out for abit these 3 Sundays...
Thoughts affect your feelings, which in turn affect your behaviour & actions.
Let's try to stay positive.
Happier thoughts.
Happier thoughts.
Happier thoughts.
Laoniang si chap sar huey liao...
Not quite sure what to make of it. On the cusp of "middle-aged" but still called "young" by folks in my parent's generation.
As usual, the Toysrus' theme song rings in my head "I don't wanna grow up...I'm a Toysrus kid"...
Yea, I don't want to get older though I don't have much of a choice. It'll be better for me to accept it gracefully though and embrace it. Guess a part of me still wants to be in my mid-20s and early 30s...pre-kids...when I'm building myself at work and in personal life...when I had more confidence and felt I was ready to take on the world...
Fine lines, saggy skin, hair fall, white hair, rough skin...can you guys take your time to come....don so fast can...
