生病了

I seem to fall sick in October. 

Recall taking MC in Oct 2023 and had Influenza A last October after catching it from the younger girl. This time round, it's a viral bug.  

I'd rather just have fever and sleep it away over 2 or 3 days. The cough this time is terrible. Dry itchy cough that is easily triggered by the fan or aircon. I don't need the aircon but it's quite impossible not to turn on the fan. Wearing a mask helps minimise the triggering though so that's helpful. 

Coughing my lungs out. Throat's painful and sore because of the coughing. 

Woke this morning with s sticky and slightly blurry right eye. Had to blink many times before vision cleared up. Hope I'm not getting an eye infection....

Jiayou...get well soon! 

17 October 2025

J'ai 45 ans. Deja. 

Average life expectancy of ladies in SG is 85.6yrs. (at birth, based on Singstats data as at 2024)

Means I am considered past middle-age already is it?

*horrors*

Anyway, it's been a while since I had a nice meal that made me so happy.

Nothing fancy, just vegetarian eefu noodles & my favourite battered eggplant topped with pork floss at Canton Paradise. Coupled with stirfried ginger spring onion beef. And with the company of K. 

Thankful that my birthday fell on Friday. Birthday leave + Deepavali PH on Monday gave me a longer weekend than most folks heh. 

到了这个年份有什么感触？

我也不晓得

只是觉得世界上还有很多事情和人间事故还没理解到，还没探索到，还没接触到

有时候仿佛觉得自己还不如一个刚毕业的年轻人

有时候也觉得越大越有顾虑

Anyway, here's wishing myself continued blessings, good health and happiness always!!

三菜一汤

Long time din update on weight. 

Happily at 49/50kg since end last year or early this year. Just need to maintain this weight. :)  It's weird though, how some folks still say I am too thin. Hmm...nvm..I happy can liao. 

Think it's cos of the regular home-cooked meals over the last 10months since we shifted back to this place. The 三菜一汤 that I diligently plan for each week...comprising of veg + proteins + one soup at each meal...

Unfortunately, I find it hard to remove processed food fully from our meals, given how much we love our sausages, and me my luncheon meat.... ;p

============

speaking of 三菜一汤....

I was racking my brains a few days ago and sought A's help. 

"aiyah I dunno what I want to eat lah, you plan." came the response.

zzzzzzzzzzzz......I made a face.

she followed up with a "aiyah do something simple. like sandwich making. just put the ingredients there and we can make sandwiches ourselves. We can choose whatever ingredients we want."

Hmm...interesting idea....let's see if I can make this happen one of these days....

Maybe discuss with K too. He has a larger appetite. I don't know how many pieces of bread or croissants he needs to have in order to fill his stomach LOL.....

Another 聊 session

In the midst of PSLE exams. Started on 25 Sep Thursday. Ending this Wednesday 1 Oct. 

I hope N is doing ok and not feeling too stressed out. 

She & I had a little talk last night. She could not sleep and asked if I was angry with her as I spoke gruffly to her before I turned off the lights in their bedroom. 

Explained to her that I was getting impatient and thus used a sterner tone with her as she was procrastinating alot and delaying bed time. It is a challenge getting her to brush her teeth & prep for bed. Once, twice, thrice. Multiple times of nagging. And even after she brushes her teeth, it takes ages again for her to get her bed ready. From placing the bolster in a certain way, to the blanket being laid out in a certain way, and the water bottle and watch and clock and her glasses being in certain spots on the shelf on her beadboard, etc. It tests my patience each night. 

Her response? "But it's not my fault."

Hard to talk to her sometimes. 

Hope to find a different way to get through.

Nevertheless, we ended the conversation in a good way with hugs & cuddles & some kisses....and she did not go to bed feeling bad. Glad that at least we 说开了 abit and she did not go to bed with 隔夜仇. 

Mother-Daughter Talk

Had a talk with N last night. A heartfelt one. Been a long long time since I had such a talk with her. 

And I felt strangely at peace while talking to her. I was not judgemental, I was not impatient, I was not trying hard to quell my own bad feelings.  

She spoke most of the time. About how annoyed she was with A, how her parents (yes she referred to her parents in 3rd person form even though I was there) were biased against her, how everyone loves the younger one but does not like the older one, etc. She talked about how A is good in class, is a teacher's pet, is a Brownie and is a prefect, how A seems better at most things, etc. How it is unfair that sometimes A annoys her and starts an argument but the one getting scolded in the end is not A but N, etc...She spoke on how she wanted to scold cuss words at home but could not, how she wanted to throw things or hit something but could not. 

I understood her 委屈, frustrations, anger and annoyance. I shared some anecdotes on how she could vent or let out her frustrations, etc. Also shared how she should not do anything to hurt or injure herself in the process.... 

Inwardly, I felt I could have done better as a parent...sigh...to minimise feelings of "comparisons", to be there for each of them in my own ways, etc...I will try...

Gordon

Got news yesterday that Gordon had a massive stroke at home and was warded in ICU. Visited him today and found out from Celine that it wasn't a stroke at all but it was a ruptured aneurysm near his brain stem, deep within the brain.

One of those things you could not have known about and could not have prevented. It seems there was heavy bleeding and his brain is  now permanently damaged. There seems to be no reversal nor recovery from this as well. Otherwise, his heart and other organs are all functioning perfectly fine. His vitals are all ok too. 

He just retired last year and was spending his time rather fruitfully with Celine dragging him on trips overseas, taking long walks, even going for barista courses, volunteering with various church activities, etc...

Life is unpredictable.

Feeling a little emo. 

Once again, I am thankful, very thankful....that my aneurysm did not rupture when I was 25 and that it was discovered early on and treated successfully. 

hmmmm

More flustered these days again and just want to 躺平. 

什么都不想做， 什么都不想想

只想躲在我窝里

能吗？

丢信的念头又来了， 今年仿佛有了好几次， 以前都没这么想过的 hmm.....

LPAs

Adrian helped parents to do up their LPA yesterday. I was one of the donees and had to login to the OPG portal to accept this role. Then I realised from the portal....K & I did ours up 4 years ago in end 2020....how time flies...

I told my parents about it at the time and it took them 4 years to execute....mainly cos Adrian guided them how to do so. My fault, I didn't follow-through. Also cos...they told me they wanted to read up on their own first. 

Anyway...nvm.....

Reality check

Had an hour long chat with my direct boss this afternoon after lunch on some sensitive work matters about how another team's boss spoke to me about tapping on my staff to fulfil the other team's work scope. 

Somewhere in the conversation...

Me: The youngest in my team is already 40. 
Him: We need to get younger folks on board to know our work. We're in a niche industry. It takes someone several years to know and understand how things work...and you're already nearing 50. When we leave, who's gonna take over? 

Didn't bother with his last sentence......

*cue cymbals clashing*
*cue sad music*
*cue close up shot of my anguished face*

"....AND YOU'RE ALREADY NEARING 50...."

Laoniang is mid-40s....I still have 5 more years to hit 50 ya...not too far but also not so near lah!!! 

岁月不饶人.....sigh...

岁月

年轻时的劲， 活力，冲
勇敢，洒脱， 亮丽 

都到哪儿了

留下的只是

焦虑， 担心， 愁
累， 怂， 懵

Itch

Eczema?

Ever since we shifted stuff out from BluCoral in end June & July, I had on & off outs of itching...one after the other...with some itchy areas just staying itchy till now.

Itchy scalp. Itchy area around lips. Itchy fingers with tiny bumps sometimes. Itchy armpits. Itchy back of neck with rashes. 

And most recently in the last 2 days....itchy patch on back of right thigh just below the bum.

Pek chek & worrying. 

Cannot be slathering myself with hydrocortisone so much right? Resorted to taking Zyrtec on one of the days several weeks ago too. 

May this pass soon....

Jiayou

Teary since yesterday. Not sure why. Emo cos of menses? But upcoming one is only in another 1-2 weeks I think. Unless the cycle is getting shorter which happened before. (Menopausing?) Tired of things?...

Stepped into office building lobby this morning and wanted to cry. Face was scrunched up and I took deep breaths lest the security guard at the counter noticed me. Luckily there were only 1 or 2 others around and they were all scuttling towards the lifts. 

Stepped out into the lift lobby at my level and again wanted to cry. 

May this just be a passing phase. 

Jiayou....

Words from ST

I am always thankful having u as my RO

More work to do (compared to last time)....but I am never alone....thanks for always supporting us and being around. 

==============

Words from ST. Some small motivation to keep going. Glad I have good colleagues & teammates to keep me sane amidst the rubbish that comes sometimes....

Jiayou Michelle!

Jiayou

Maybe I need to 冲花水

One complaint case last week. 2 this week. So many angry, self-entitled people around who are quick to flare up or jump to conclusions which lead to misunderstandings and misconstrued intentions.

Yesterday's complaint case is hopefully resolved. But it has dug up a can of worms which we did not know about for 1.5 years. Can of worms is being addressed at the moment. 

Today's case took up so much of our time. I hope our proposed solution works for both parties and the case can be resolved by tomorrow. Didn't realise my stomach was tensed up till I left my home work desk for dinner. 

Patience tested as well. Glad I have my teammates around to handle some of these together with me. 

==========

What does not kill you makes you stronger....

But 也不要这样 leh....给老娘一点喘气的机会好吗？

Resistance

I'm resistant to changes. Call me 古板, 固执 or suaku....but yeah, I don't use things like Apple Pay, Google Pay, Grab Pay. I don't use e-credit cards. I don't use SimplyGo on my mobile either. 

For the longest time I did not have the Singpass app as well, till I was forced to download it cos of some banking procedures. 

Just don't feel comfortable having so many things on the mobile. Yes, it's convenient but it's ok...I'll live with some of these traditional methods...

At a Glance

Snippets of stuff in the last couple of weeks

==============
Gum issues

Right lower back, then right upper back. 
Been using antiseptic mouthwash for more than a week. I really hope right upper back gets well soon. I don't wish to go for another round of deep gum cleaning. Cos...painful like shit. 

==============
Got my way (but erm...not really too?)

On a work issue where I managed to push my position and remove our hotline number from invoices...somewhat thankful.

But not so thankful that a boss has suggested something big and hinted (thankfully only to myself so far) that I take the lead in handling it as a FY26 work project. 

AI agentic chatbot to handle our hotline queries. 

救命啊!!!!!! No idea what to do or how to handle. 

==============
National Day Parade

We managed to keep our tradition and watch the parade this year. As a family of 4, huddled in K & my room, on our bed. :) 

And we sang the national anthem and said the pledge together again too. :)

==============
Work

Most challenges from the June/July period have been settled. I am thankful & grateful for those who helped, especially the colleague from Legal assigned to advise/assist our team. Grateful too for SP whom I spent some time disturbing though he was away in Malaysia for a short trip. 

There were other irksome moments like having to deal with a colleague who is always clueless and trying to smoke/muddle her way through things. But still thankful for having a bunch of other colleagues who are there to hustle together through various issues. 

==============
Mahjong

Had 2-3 short & simple mahjong sessions on some of the Saturday evenings when we went over to Adrian's place. Mum's the one who is gian I think. :D :D under the guise of teaching her grandson how to play lol....

I'm happy for these family times...and at least I get to hone my rusty mahjong skills abit. 

深。 呼。 吸。

烦躁

无奈

无助

工作的事情

下属的 rubbish HR issues

家中偶尔的紧张气息

自己的力而不足

逃避

坚持

继续

能持久吗？

有没有

一种蛋糕甜品

还是什么的

能给予我大量的正能量？

Work

That piece of work...is really stressing me out. 

At times I can feel my stomach tensing up. And there are days when I go to bed with my stomach tensed up, and in the morning when I wake I feel tense again. 

You know it's a sibei sensitive issue when your parent ministry takes a long time to assess and clear its channels just to provide you with its position. And clearance was at top-management level, with even the Min kept informed. 

And lawyers from both parent & your end are involved. 

And you need to keep your CEO informed as well. 

And.......sigh...

Alot of "firsts" that we met with after I took over the ops. Why me? 

(Reminds me of a white Tshirt I had when I was a teenager...it had WHY ME?! sprawled all over the front of the T-shirt in big bold and black letters)

Zapping me out. 

I hope, and I really hope that this issue gets resolved soon and smoothly too. 

Fingers & toes crossed. 

Kpop Demon Hunters

The latest craze from which we are not spared.

Thanks to the kids. 

Their friends were talking about it, and singing songs from the movie. Their cousins were watching it and the girls watched too when we were at Adrian's place. 

I "took" a crash course some nights ago. I googled and watch some youtube videos. 

Need to do some homework lah, so I can speak their girls' lingo & understand what they're into. And so I now know some songs from the movie too...heh, and I know enough about some of the characters to carry on a decent enough conversation about the movie lol. 

Oh, parenting!

Rental

We handed over our unit to the couple from HK today. 

Looks mature & steady. The lady is expecting and already in her second trimester. She seems cool-headed and grounded. Based on first impressions, I like her. She works for Meta, and the husband works for an investment bank.  

I hope the rental goes on smoothly for more than a few years.