Tears

Eons ago when I was in my teenage years, I often found myself crying at night. I could not fathom why and thought there was something wrong with me. The days were ok, I had friends and we did things or I had school to occupy me. But sometimes at night I felt an overwhelming sense of sadness and I just let the tears flow. I did feel better after crying though I could not understand. When I was older and looked back, I attributed it to teenage angst.

I remember when I was 17, I sat on the floor of my mother's kitchen and bawled my eyes out on New Year's Eve. The lights were on and I think my grandmother was asleep in her room. 

Many years ago when I was hurt deeply, I found myself sitting on the steps of Harbourfront MRT, at the exit near Vivocity's taxi stand. Although it was a weekend, that exit was hardly used and I did manage to find some solitude amidst the weekend buzz. Sarah McLachlan's "Angel" was playing on my then IPod Nano on repeat. I sat there for at least 15 repeats of the song. I don't remember how long that was. I was hurt, extremely upset, angry and lost. I don't remember too how much tears I shed during that period. 

The last time I felt hurt several months ago, I cried myself to sleep. I felt wronged, upset, tired and frustrated. 

Yes, I am a crybaby. I've always been. I don't care what others say. There is no right or wrong way. Each person has his or her own way of coping with things. This is mine. 

Maybe I need a long good cry now.