The girls were screaming and being 自high. There were many occasions of naughtiness, defiance and you know, general toddler bratty behaviour.
This mother's patience was wearing thin and screaming/shouting as a result.
I think the immediate neighbours probably heard me a gazillion times scolding, threatening, shouting in exasperation and attempted dominance, nagging on repeat, etc.
They probably did not see nor hear me wring my fingers in frustration, take big sighs to let out steam and hide in the toilet for awhile to regain some sanity.
They probably also did not hear the alternate sessions of softer speech with the girls, when I forced myself to calm down a little and speak to them in a lower tone, when I tried to reason with Nadya, when I tried to explain why I was reacting in such a manner, when I tried to implore them (especially Nadya) to behave, when I tried to teach things like basic courtesy (but was royally ignored).
Nobody heard my heart beating loudly in my chest.
Nobody felt the throbbing in my head.
Nobody knew how grating the girls' shrieks had become to my ears yesterday.
I just need a day or two of not speaking to anyone. No one. Not even the kids. Not even K.
To rest up. To cook a bowl of soba for myself. To sleep. To draw. To color. To cry. To stone.
To just be.
I don't think that's possible though.
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