Lost it

I lost it tonight.

It has been increasingly difficult to put both girls to sleep. I'd start the process with Alyssa at 9pm or before. After taking her milk she'd roll around for a long time. She'd still be awake by the time Nadya comes in to the room at 930pm or so.

Then both would simply refuse to sleep and do all sorts of things. Request for me to carry. Request for this. Request for that. Insist on going out to the balcony. Request to go to the washroom. Request to go to the kitchen to get something from the fridge.

I usually blow my top when my patience runs thin. I start raising my voice. Either both comply after several threats or one starts to fuss or both. This is usually coupled with passionate declarations of "I don't like Mama!" or "I don't want Mama!!"

By the time both fall asleep it would be 10pm. Alyssa falls asleep first followed by Nadya. These days, it goes all the way till 1015pm.

Tonight was not good.

My already-stretched-thin patience went through a more challenging stress test. It failed. Miserably.
I raised my voice. I shouted. And I eventually cried in front of them as well.

Both refused to listen. Both refused to sleep. Both insisted on me carrying them.
Both started fighting with each other again. Both declared that they did not like me after I spoke to them firmly. Both asked for more milk even though they'd each had a bottle's worth already.
Both were playing non-stop. Both were talking non-stop as well. Both were asking for my attention.

It dragged on.

I lost it. I cried.

Not good. Kids 1: Mama 0.

Alyssa eventually slept at 1030pm. Nadya maybe only 10-15mins later.

This sucks. Big time.

How can I do this better? Change myself?