The Journey: Tumultuous Times

It's been a long while since a Channel 8 drama touched my heart in such a way.

The Journey: Tumultuous Times is currently showing on Channel 8 at the 9pm slot. While I can't watch it real time on TV, I watch the catch-up video on XINMSN while I am on the bus to work the next morning.

The show is set in the 1940s through to the 1950s, in Malaya and Singapore.This happens to be a period of time that I am very interested in, maybe because I'd heard so much about this period of time from my late grandmother and sometimes from my father when I was a young girl. I remember the "Price of Peace" was one of the epic dramas produced by the then TCS and everyone was riveted by the show. My grandmother kept cursing at the Japanese and cried on several occasions while watching the show because she reminded of the hardship she had to endure during those years. But still, she watched every episode religiously. It was during that time too that she shared many stories with me about the Japanese and life during the war and just after.

Maybe that's one reason why I am loving Tumultuous Times so much. Because it is of an era I am interested in and the show reminds me of my grandmother and those days when we watched "Price of Peace" together.

I am so loving the sets, the scenes, the props and the interactions between the actors in this show. Speaking of actors, I think Mediacorp scored big on finding Carrie Wong. She is a true gem and a talent with a natural flair for acting. In her first show she was already put alongside Christopher Lee and Rui En and she did good. Now in only her second show, she's paired with Shaun Chen and Jeanette Aw, veterans in their own right, and she has performed well. Very meaty roles for a relatively unknown newbie. I like her. She's only 20 but seems like a seasoned actor already. She'll go far.

And yes, Shaun Chen. This show affirms my liking for him as an actor. He's proven to critics that he can do both good and baddie roles, he can do drama, he can do action and he has some comedic flair as well. He's come a long way from being known as "Michelle Chia's boyfriend" then to "Michelle Chia's husband" and now finally people know him by his own name.

Romeo Tan. The name is cheesy yes, and he is a newbie who has his own critics and fans alike. I read online reviews of the show and people don't seem to like him. Why? I think he's not too bad. He plays a baddie in the show, disguised as a decent guy from the upper class. Given the fact that people dislike his character in the show and him as a result (an unfortunate consequence I might add), I think he has done well already and achieved his acting objective of being the baddie. I say he's succeeded!

Looking forward to the rest of the show..!

Miss Clumsy

As usual, I had no idea how I got the cut. :(

Having a good start

I read once in Malcolm Gladwell's book (can't remember which one) that having a priviledged childhood is a precursor to having a great start in life and hence the probability of doing well in adulthood is all the more greater. 

Someone from some of my marketing classes is now the franchise owner of Sticky Singapore, and in recent years has also opened a Korean restaurant and now a restaurant bar in Tan Quee LAN Street. Kudos to her and her husband! While I attended her wedding 7 years ago, we've not really kept in touch since...except for one short chat in 2008. Lol to think she used to skip tutorials and lectures and sometimes would borrow my notes to copy. She was a master at "smoking" and could talk her way out of anything. Yep she's from a well-to-do family. 

One guy from our Marketing cohort is the founder of Reebonz. Yep, he's from quite a rich family. 

Another friend from my hostel days is the owner of a restaurant cafe in Yong Siak Street. And yep, she's from a well-to-do family as well. 

Of course, I don't dismiss the fact that people from less well-to-do families can do just as well. 

Thanksgiving

We should give thanks always I suppose.

Right now, I am most thankful for God protecting Little Baby and keeping her safe, despite the careless (and dangerous) mistakes that I've made thus far...

Add Oil

Last few days wasn't that good. Let's hope this week will be better.
Jiayou...

Buy buy buy!

This is what happens when you haven't shopped properly in a mall for over a year. Maybe even 1.5years. 

You end up spending $1,000 in 4.5 hours. 

Macham ”被放出来” haha...

I'm just glad I met all my objectives of this shopping trip (except one which I forgot about).

Amongst the stuff I got:

- 14mths supply of contact lenses

- 2 dresses

- 4 pairs of casual footwear

- 1 pair of shoes for work

- 4 tops for work

- A pair of shoes for Little Baby 

- Some educational stuff for Little Baby

- Some clothes and other knick knacks for Little Baby

- Some Xmas presents for Adrian, relatives and friends 

Before heading out I told myself, don't think too much, just buy to your heart's content. It's something I don't usually do so today was out of the ordinary haha. 

I set myself a time limit because I wanted to go home and rest before having to go pick Little Baby up from my inlaws' place. 

If I had the strength (I was carrying loads of shopping bags!) and more time, I think I would have easily spent another 200 more...

Ok that's it. Enough shopping to last me for the next 10mths lol. 

And oh ya I forgot to buy a water bottle for her...it was on my list but I missed it out....

Parenting

Different parents have different approaches to parenting. This I know. I just find some parenting styles odd and well...maybe a little disturbing.

I recently had some interaction with a lady who has 2 sons, aged 3 and 1.5. During our interaction, she proudly proclaimed to me: "Baby number 2 is 1.5yrs old already, I have never showered him before. The maid does that. I don't know how much milk he takes and at what intervals. The maid settles those. The same went for number one. Well, my main (and only) responsibility is to give birth, that's all." 

"我只是负责生孩子而已。" Those were the exact words she said. 

There was a previous situation end of last year. K and I were out with this lady and her husband at a restaurant when their number 2 needed a diaper change. The husband went to settle it and she proclaimed "oh, I don't change diapers one!"

Like what? As a mum, I cannot fathom how uninvolved this lady is in the caring of her children and their upbringing. 

holding one's ground

Treat me nicely and I will treat you nicely. Just came out from a meeting.

The most senior woman in the meeting was aggressive/overly assertive towards me at certain points in time. I had to raise my voice as well as my own assertiveness slightly to get my points across to her. Her two staff were making eyes at each other and enjoying the exchange between herself and me. (It was me alone with the three of them.) I kept my smile on though at certain points in time I think I did not fare too well and had furrowed brows instead.

Oh well. Learning to hold my own ground. Did well earlier on but I think I can still do better.

Proud mama

For posterity, I need to blog this!

Little Baby took her first steps on 19 November 2014! At the age of 13 months 1 week and 3 days. :) 

The Little Sponge of a Baby

She is a sponge soaking up bits and pieces of info and knowledge. And somehow in the last few weeks something in her brain must have clicked into place and she's been on a roll since. Her vocabulary has increased a lot and our communications with her are more two-way now.

While she is still developing herself linguistically and can only babble most of the time (though she can say dada, baba , mama and nana), she understands quite a lot these days. A lot to me at least. She understands:

1. Where is [insert noun]? 

Nouns she knows are Daddy, Mummy (or dada and mama), gong gong, po po, ye ye, nai nai, doggy (her soft toy), doll doll (soft toy), rong rong (soft toy again), Winnie the Pooh (yes, soft toy too), bolster, tissue, water, home, car, dog, cat etc. When you ask her a "where is" question, she'll make the hand gesture for it too (hand at chest level then turn palm up with fingers spread apart). And when she spots the item or person you are asking about, she will point to it. When I stand at my lift lobby these days and ask her "where is home?", she can point in the general direction of our home. 

2. Throw the [insert item]

Not a good thing for her to understand though haha

3. Stand up/sit down 

When we are sitting down or lying down and she wants to be carried, I'll tell her to "stand up first" then mummy will "bao bao" you and she will get herself into a standing position ready to be carried lol. 

4. Blow kiss/flying kiss

5. Wave bye bye / Say hello / Say hi 

She will wave to the person or object when we say these phrases. She does this on her accord too. 

6. Press 

Many kids toys have buttons to press and all, if not most, of them either trigger a song or light up something. For some reason she understands the word "press". Maybe she picked it up in school. 

7. Kiss [insert name of someone]

I taught her this hehe and I want to claim credit. I think she's gotten sick of me asking her to kiss me that she is ignoring me now when I ask her to do it...:( 

8. Hold [object]

9. And other things....which I can't recall at this point in time....

Needless to say everytime she demonstrates an understanding of a word, instruction or concept, we get all surprised, delighted and excited at the same time haha. 

Here's to more surprises for us and to more learning for her! 

pressies for myself?

Bought myself some body lotion for myself for Xmas. I'm a little greedy.
I'm thinking of a pair of sneakers as well and maybe a black watch for myself if I can find the time to buy them....

Granny

In a flash, it's been 7 months 6 days since she left us.

I think of her everytime I sing songs and nursery rhymes to Little Baby, mainly because my earliest memory of Granny was of her singing songs to me while lying with me on our sofa in our old home in Bedok. I was around 3 or 4.

This is the first Christmas without her.

Thankful for

Been awhile since I last had a "thankful for" post. Here's one...

• My inlaws. They pick Little Baby up every day from Monday to Friday to bring her to school and then fetch her from school at the end of the day. And then they look after her for around 2hours before I manage to rush back from work to their place. They give her her daily intake of fruits as well...While sending Little Baby to school, along the way, they also drop K and I at each of our bus-stops. Without their "transport" K and I would have to walk pretty far out to our stops.
• My parents. For always being there. For always listening (Well, at least my Mum does haha. My Dad loses patience and gets distracted after awhile.) For always thinking about my brother and I and our families. Special shoutout to my mum: for always filling our tummies with our favourite foods.
• K. For always being there. And if he somehow can't, he will make up for it in his own ways. For always listening. For cooking lovely meals (with lovely food presentations to boot haha). For taking care of the harder menial chores at home. For working hard for our family. For just...being him....

Xmas is coming!

We've not given each other Xmas presents for a long time. But sweet K got me this for an advanced Xmas present this year. He must have seen the pathetic state of my current Creative earphones.

Never had such a good quality piece of audio equipment before. Kinda feel like I'm not fit for it lol. 

Thank you sayang...:)

 

sigh

累。想哭。纳闷。无奈。疲倦。

Souvenir from Columbia

I didn't buy anything for myself when I was in Cartagena, Columbia back in 2012. This time round, when Adrian went to Bogota, he got me this bag. My first reaction was "Wah so bright!" 

Nevertheless I was touched he bought it for me. 

Staycation

We had a mini staycation. A 2D1Nstay at Swissotel the Stamford. Friday till Saturday.

We brought the girl out to Suntec and Marina Square. I hope the sights and sounds were not too overwhelming for her. She managed to have her naps as usual. We kept to her daily schedule as closely as possible to minimise any disruptions. She slept on the king-sized bed, her first time haha.

She had her first bath in a bath tub! She didn't seem too impressed though and was more curious about the tap spewing water out than the huge bath tub itself.

And as usual we rushed through all our meals because she got fidgety after too long in a high-chair.
Still, I think the food at Podi and it's sister restaurant Cedele were good...Pity we had to rush through our food.

The staycation turned out more tiring than we expected though, especially with the little girl waking up and throwing a hissy fit at 1am till 2am on Friday night...um...Saturday morning to be exact.
Maybe it was a new environment, a new cot (we used the hotel's baby cot) or a bad dream or night terror?....

She was also cranky at lunch time on Saturday too and we had to wheel her around in her stroller to get her to open her mouth and feed.

Other than these she was pretty much a good girl. Cooing, smiling and playing and generally being awed by the lights and sights at the various malls.

Nadya at 13 months

And so Little Baby turned 13 months yesterday. What's her stats now?

Weight: 9.2kg (>50th percentile, I think she's maybe around the 60th percentile)

Length: 74cm (around 50th percentile)

Teeth: 1.5 lower front incisors (an upper incisor is just below the gum surface and about to break through already)

Mongoloid marks: Status quo. The one on her right shoulder is faint but still visible.

Motor Skills

• Her aiming has improved and whatever finger food I give her she can put it into her mouth directly. Previously she would sometimes try to feed her cheek instead.
• She's still cruising around but is learning to be more steady on her two feet without any support. When I encourage her to take the first step forward, she is excited and wants to try but doesn't dare. And she usually just ends up leaning her whole body forward and crashing into my arms haha.
• She zips around pretty quickly on the floor now while leopard-crawling, usually in gear 4 or so. Gets excited when she thinks we're chasing her and then goes into gear 5 with full throttle. 
• She can point.

Cognitive/Emotional Development

• She has learned to point and can ask for things now.
• She has learned to shake her head and will do so if she does not want whatever you are offering her. (Trying to teach her to nod her head...)
• Throws a hissy fit when you take something away from her or when you don't give her what she wants.
• Stil loves music and sways to it or bounces on her bottom when she hears her fav tune. She knows the action to Twinkle Twinkle Little Star now and will do it when she hears the song when we sing or play it on a toy.

Communication/Social Skills 

• She is still waving to everyone, even the neighbour opposite our balcony.
• She understands when we say "no" but no longer stops what she is doing. Seems like she is challenging and testing the boundaries. Sometimes when we insist on stopping whatever she is doing, she throws a mini tantrum by either crying or arching her back and flinging her head backwards (which can be dangerous if she's on the hard floor).
• She now understands many words and instructions including pointing out a cat in a particular book when I ask "Where's the cat?". She points to her ears when asked "Where are your ears?". 
• She understands "Kiss Mummy"! :) I received my first kiss of sorts from her on 5 Nov 2014. :) I was really excited when she responded that night.
• She is starting to recognise Gong Gong and Po Po (my parents) and is willing to sit and play with them more easily. (We go over to their place each Saturday evening)

Food

• Introduced mee sua and baby pasta to her. The baby pasta needs to be cooked till quite soft and mushy. I made the mistake of not cooking it till very soft on one occasion and had a nightmare feeding her at a mall that day. She started spitting out every mouthful I gave her. Big mess.
• Other new foods that she's tried in the last month include:
• more egg (ok not new but...oh well..)
• buttered rice (just some small nibbles)
• barramundi fish
• chye sim
• spinach 
• cabbage

Aiyoh

My love-hate relationship with cabs.

When I desperately need one, they are nowhere to be found. None around me and can't get through the booking hotlines.  

When I made a booking and am standing around waiting for it to arrive, a whole slew of at least 3-4 available cabs hang around in front of me. Bah...

Breathe

I saw this on a friend's Facebook and thought it was meaningful.
How often have we been in such situations?

"Breathe. You're going to be okay. Breathe and remember that you've been in this place before. You've been this uncomfortable and anxious and scared, and you've survived. Breathe and know that you can survive this too. These feelings can't break you. They're painful and debilitating, but you can sit with them and eventually, they will pass. Maybe not immediately, but sometime soon, they are going to fade and when they do, you'll look back at this moment and laugh for having doubted your resilience. I know it feels unbearable right now, but keep breathing, again and again. This will pass. I promise it will pass." 

— Daniell Koepke

My loves!

I ordered online and paid for them yesterday. They arrived in the mail today! Super fast!

I've been using Nalgene bottles for as long as I can remember. Since my ducktours days I think, which is at least 10 years or more. 

Loving these purchases. Especially the red bottle :) 

Belated birthday gift

A dear friend from another division attended a terrarium-making workshop just to make me one for my birthday. She knows I like them. While the gift came late, I was very touched, because she's one who is totally clueless about such things. 

Thank you KH!

*ROAR*

It's my issue. It was my update to the boss.

And he escalated the updates to the top bosses for their information but he did not cc me, instead he cc-ed the other two team members (granted, they are of a higher grade than me) when they had nothing to do with it. Nor did they do anything at all. And they get exposure just like that?

I wrote the update email and provided all information and I don't get any exposure at all?

What the #$#@%$#%

大家都不是十六岁了

The older we get, the more responsibilities, challenges and 烦恼 we seem to have. Is this part of growing older?

Just had lunch with TH today...it was an almost 2-hour session of talking and listening. A good session.

I hope he resolves his issues in time to come. They are a little tricky and would take time to settle. I wish for the remainder of this year and 2015 to be smoother for him...and for Diana as well. May their wedding preparations go well too.

He has gotten more white hairs recently. I've gotten more wrinkles. Signs.
That we are all no longer exuberant and carefree 16 year-olds. 

Hard to imagine we used to wear T-shirt and berms and run around on Pasir Ris beach.

Om nom nom

K whipped up this 爱心晚餐 last night. Grilled salmon with salad greens and zaru soba by the sides. 

Thank you baby, really appreciate it!

It is back

I have a recurring dream. Maybe not a recurring dream but a recurring theme in some of my dreams.

From time to time I dream that I am in a school and I am lost. Either I am trying to find a particular room or I am simply trying to make my way out of school to go home. There are usually a lot of stairways and corridors and  passageways. Sometimes there are other students or friends around, sometimes it is just myself. It is always not a school that I have been to nor a school that I recognise. But it is always a tertiary education school with lecture halls and different wings. 

I had two of such dreams again over the last few nights. I don't remember much now but in one of the dreams, I was with a girl whom I've not met for almost 20 years, an ex-classmate from sec sch. Xiumin. 

Very strange to have her in my dream.

Anyway, the same thing happened in this dream. I was trying to find a particular lecture hall. She was with me for awhile but eventually she "abandoned" me when she found her own lecture room. I continued my roaming around at an increasingly frenzied pace.

I do not remember what happened in the end. But I do remember the walking around and the tense feeling of being lost and rushing for something.

New addition to the kitchen

Eric and Des got us this for our home. 

Always thought of getting one but always also felt that it was one of those gadgets where you would use it once or twice and then leave it aside.

Anyway now we have one! 

That Offer

Years ago, when I graduated from university, my uncle from my mother's side called me up and asked me to join his company. He was then the Asia MD of a big corporate reinsurance brokerage firm in Singapore. He was a powerful

man, still is. 

He had called up my brother too when he graduated 5 years earlier than me. My brother rejected his kind offering, as did I, when my turn came. I knew my uncle was disappointed in us. My mum never failed to remind us of this. Actually, she still does so on occassion.

My uncle had always wanted someone from the family to join his company and grow from there. My brother and I were the only graduates close to him on his side of the family and he had pinned high hopes on us. 

I was sorry to disappoint him but at the time, I did not want to join a company through such means. Maybe I was naive, but I did not want to be viewed or treated differently by colleagues if they knew I was the bosses' niece. And also, I was rather scared to join a big MNC for my first job. Call me stupid. I know of many others who would clamour to be served up a job on a silver platter. 

An MNC for a first job would pave the way for many other good jobs to come. If I had accepted the job then, my CV would probably look vastly different now. And I would probably not end up being a public servant writing policy papers.

Anyway, I felt he was angry with me after that. For several years I kept feeling like as if he did not bother about me too much. It's gotten better in recent years and I hope our relationship improves more. 

Sometimes I think to myself: 

What if I had accepted that job 12 years ago? What if? 

If you were to ask me now what my answer would be, it might be a "maybe" instead of a definitive "no". 

Birthday cooking

I spent my birthday on Friday at home. The entire morning was spent cooking. Making her vegetable purees, and cooking my own stuff. Chicken wings and celery/carrot/egg/cabbage nutrient packed soup!

October...

October has turned out to be a challenging month. Even though both Little Baby's and my birthdays fall within this month.....

She was sick in the first 2 weekends. K & I were down in the 3rd weekend.
(We didn't even celebrate my birthday. No mood nor appetite nor chance to do so. But at least we still managed to squeeze in a dim sum meal at Canton Paradise while out running errands on Saturday.)

And now her school's infant care has got 2 cases of HFMD. I'm not sending her to school for a week till the school gets the all clear...so that means taking leave here and there again.

Need to send her for her vaccination next Monday too. She usually gets a reaction after that...I forsee myself taking more leave again.

Doesn't help that the lull is over and work has come in quite abit again this week.

Bah...bite the bullet. I hope the weeks going forward will be better!

Ganbatte!

This morning

As I was entering the lift this morning to go up to my office, a lady stepped out of it. Her arms were folded, she was holding a cup of coffee and she was crying. She walked briskly away.

Whatever had upset her, I hope it has been resolved.

And I hope that lady is feeling better by now.

Smile, be nice.
You don't know what suffering others might be going through in their hearts and minds.

bad throat

The throat is still hurting and strangely, it does not hurt that much when I swallow my own saliva. But it does when I drink water...so strange. When I drink water, I can feel like as if there are two cuts on the inside of my throat, one on each side. These 2 areas smart when the water touches them. Just glad that the throat doesn't hurt when I eat :)

More honey tonight I guess....

The Little Sleeping Beauty

Little Baby had only slept for 30minutes late yesterday morning at 11-plus when she woke up crying and screaming. Maybe a bad dream had disrupted her sleep, maybe a car downstairs has honked, I don't know.

I picked her up from her cot, soothed her and she fell asleep again in my arms, with her head on my chest.

I sat down on our living room couch, arranged a pillow behind my lower back for support and sat there holding the sleeping her.

She stirred from time to time, flipping her head from left to right or shifting her head a little in her sleep. And all the time she was sleeping while lying on me. Her head was either on my chest, or on my belly.

Mummy must be a nice pillow, for she continued sleeping....for the next 3 hours. (Thank God I had a quick lunch before this!)

There was a point in time when her cheeks looked so chubby and squashed against my chest that she resembled a hamster. And another point in time when she heaved a contented baby sigh. (Oh what a lovely sound that was!) And another point in time when she held on tightly to my arm instead of holding onto her bolster (which she was initially holding). And another point in time when the fingers of one of her hands held onto my index finger tightly.And another point in time when she woke briefly and opened her eyes, surveyed her surroundings, discovered that she was sleeping on me and then decided to continue sleeping somemore.

I'll treasure these times dearly and keep these memories with me forever.
For I can only experience these now when she's at this age when this is still possible.....

Update

And so...the slight fever ain't that slight anymore. Eyes are burning a little in their sockets, my thighs are aching a little and my neck is aching alot. The throat's not getting better, even eating watermelon is uncomfortable. 

Bah. :( 

My mum cooked assam buah kelo today...I couldn't take much of it. 

累了，病了

Slight fever, bad sore throat. 

Bah. 

Happy 34th!

There I lasted till midnight. :) 

Happy birthday to me!!

Here's wishing for myself all lovely things and good health and happiness always. 

Nadya at 1 yrs old

Little Baby turned a year old a few days ago on 9 October. Let's see, what are her stats?

Weight: 8.8kg (50% percentile, she lost about 200gms or so when she fell sick over the weekend just past)

Length: 73cm (50% percentile)

Teeth: only 1 lower front incisor. (actually it's more like 1/4 of the tooth that has grown out...., she's slower in this aspect....)

Mongoloid marks: The ones on her lower hip have almost faded to nothing. The one on her right shoulder is faint but still visible. It makes her look as if she has a big bruise there.

Motor Skills

• Her pincer grasp is improving by leaps and bounds. She can feed herself small pieces of bread by picking them off the palm of my hand. She needs improvement though on aiming for and putting the bread into her mouth haha.
• She has pulled herself up to a standing position from when she was 10 months old. She is cruising with more confidence these days and has occasionally been trying to climb up the sofa. She can stand unsupported for 2-3 seconds but on her own terms, i.e. when she choose to let go of any support.There was once she stood on her own for almost 7-8 seconds before crashing down on her bum with aplomp. I'm expecting her to walk in the next month or two.
• She still crawls around on her tummy most of the time and helps us "wipe the floor". Downside to this is that her rompers are getting quite worn out and some look pretty raggedy. :( 

Cognitive/Emotional Development

• She gets anxious easily and has started throwing some tantrums when we remove something she is holding onto.
• You can definitely see a twinkle in her eye when she decides to challenge the status quo and you can sometimes see a determined clenched jaw with furrowed brows when she wants to get her way.
• There are signs of a stubborn streak in her...(oh no!)
• She loves music and will sway to it. She does it sometimes even when I sing to her.
  

Communication/Social Skills 

• She waves to just about everyone and understands when we ask her to wave.She waves when we say Hi or Goodbye too. When we bring her out in the stroller, she waves at passers-by. Even the burliest of pot-bellied uncles have gone all mushy when she does that and made baby goo-goo-ga-ga sounds at her.
• She understands when we say "no" and stops whatever she is doing most of the time.
• She says "Dada" when she sees K and looks around for him when I ask "Where's Daddy?".
• She understands when I ask her to "pat pat" something. She pats K when I say "pat pat Daddy" and pats me when I say "pat pat Mummy". 
• She has her preference for certain people and certain teachers in her school. She does refuse to be carried by people unfamiliar to her.
• She is making more and more noises these days.

Food

• She is following a fixed meal schedule since a month ago and I think it is doing her good. She takes breakfast, lunch and dinner, with milk in the afternoon between lunch and dinner and milk before bedtime. 
• She is taking porridge for lunch everyday now, even at the infant care centre. I will start introducing mee sua and baby pasta to her soon. 
• New foods that she's taken in the last month include:
• broccoli (she rejected it on its own but I'm sneaking it into her porridge these days and she seems ok with it)
• cauliflower (she loves this)
• blueberries
• kiwi
• grapes
• barley
• cheese
• egg (only some nibbles of a hard boiled egg)
• cake (just a small nibble of her own birthday cake!)
  

Others

• She loves soft toys or anything soft and cuddable. She will grab the item, bend over and then smother her face in it lol.
• She enjoys playing peekaboo with the curtains in her room.
• She's a drool machine. Anyone needing drool lubricant can come find me.
  

Mother's Guilt

Feeling guilty.

1. My weak body constitution might have passed on to Little Baby. Really hope she builds up her immunity fast...and grows up stronger than I ever was.

2. I brought her out last weekend when she was recovering....and exposed her to other viruses which she unfortunately caught and fell sick again for a 2nd consecutive weekend.

Mega sigh.

Random thoughts on a Tuesday morning

Sometimes I feel as if I started the race in pole position but somewhere somehow along the race laps I faltered and ended up trailing behind others. Peaked too soon? Hurdles? Do I want to be the best? Or slightly above average? Or am I content to be average?

又要重复那些话吗？ 人比人， 气死人。 知足就好。 

============
I am turning 34 in 3 days' time. So much has happened since I turned 30 but why is it I feel like I have not really embraced my 30s with much finesse? hmm...

On a side note, I will officially be in my mid-30s already...oh my.

When I was younger and read the papers, I would come across articles of people committing petty crimes like stealing or shoplifting and the perpetrators age would be worded into the article as well. So and so, aged 32. So and so, aged 31. So and so, aged 35.

I used to think that these people were older and so much more adult.

And now, I am here, at this age too. It feels weird.

=============
On leave on my birthday. Will be glad to be spending some quiet time with me, myself and I.
I have some things I plan to do for the day. Whether or not I really end up doing them...remains to be seen. I might just choose to lie in bed and sleep and sleep.

Elated

Finally, after 19 hours, she took her first bottle of milk. Though it was only 120ml, it still lifted my spirits by a lot.

I hope her appetite continues to improve...fingers crossed! 

Little Baby jiayou!

Sunday

My Sunday started at 6am when Little Baby woke and refused to go back to sleep.

And the entire day has been about managing her crankiness and food intake. And nap times. 

She's not eating and I'm mighty worried. It's 4pm now and her last proper meal was at 830am when she had some rice and oat cereal for breakfast. Thereafter she rejected all cereal and milk. I anticipated this and did not cook her usual porridge today. She has only nibbled on pieces of bread and some grains of rice and barley as snacks because I was desperate to get something into her. 

But oh, she's strangely taking water. Maybe she knows water will help cleanse her body and minimize infections?

Little Baby is sick again :(

She's running a temperature again. Keeps waking up from her sleep. Rough first half of the night. Hope the next half will be better.

Camping in her room again, on the floor. Hope no roaches come find me, K saw one earlier tonight but did not manage to catch it. 

Late night thoughts

Sometimes, the little things you do are necessary but unseen and hence unappreciated. 

Do you stop doing it? 

No I don't think so. You do it because you feel you need to, not because you crave for others' to see what you are doing. 

That said though, it would still be nice to receive some appreciation once in awhile. 

Nadya is One :)

A year ago at this time, I was in hospital garb, lying on an operating table and freezing my butt off in an extremely cold and sterile operating theatre.

I remember I was shivering and feeling waves of panic rising up within me. Maybe that was what hyperventilating felt like. I told one of the medical officers next to me and he said it was normal, a side effect of the epidural. I remember feeling very nervous and panicky and thinking to myself "What have I gotten myself into? Fuck!" They threw layers of blankets on me. I still shivered.

And then it happened. Amidst the tangle of wires above me and the scores of hands working on me, I heard a cry. That's Little Baby! Little Baby is out! I thought. Someone said "she's out". Another said "wah she's loud". In that ridiculous state of mind I remember thinking "That rhymes..." And then a lady nurse whispered in my ear that they were going to clean her up a little and then place her on me soon.

How time flies. That wrinkly, red, sticky, squirming little thing is now a year old.

She still squirms but she's definitely not wrinkly anymore. In fact, she's filled out her skin so much she has fat folds. She is still loud though and I wonder where she got her strong lungs from.

Happy 1st Birthday Little Baby!

Mummy loves you so much.....and hopes that you will grow up strong, happy, healthy and blessed always!

I do I still do

3 years ago on this day, we said "I do" and signed on a sacred piece of paper.

I still remember that day and the room and the restaurant where we held our ROM ceremony. It was a simple affair and I remember being very happy. I was also very happy that my Granny was there to witness the entire proceeding.

Fast forward 3 years later and now we've gotten our own space and there's also Little Baby. :)

I can't ask for more.

Happy 3rd Anniversary Baby. :)

Ally and PQ come to visit!

The 2 ladies finally came by on the Sunday just past. Besides fun and laughter, they brought with them loads of other stuff! I felt it was like Xmas haha.

Our home has a Kenwood food processor and blender now! Hehe Nadya has Leap Frog DVDs from Ally and hmm, another pressie from Pq which she supposedly can ride on. This one is not opened yet so I don't know what it is exactly too haha. 

And voila! This lady here has got birthday pressies too! A recipe book from Ally and a bracelet from PQ. Loving them! Woot haha!! Some cooking to be done! :)

More pics of the day...

(See my thunder thighs and belly bulge?)

Photobombed by Daddy's hairy legs 

A bump?

Been feeling a little out of sorts. And tummy's getting bigger too. 

So I peed on a stick. 

Voila

CONFIRM!

....

...

...

...

...

...

..

.

.

.

.

I am getting fat. :( 

The bump that is not a bump.

The bump that is actually a bulge. 

Maybe I should start my habit again...of weighing myself everyday. At least that keeps me on my toes...and I don't let myself go just like that. Stress snacking or stress eating too maybe? 

See? The life of a glutton who is trying to maintain her weight. Almost like a losing battle...no no cannot, I will win!!

Bah. 

Tau sar piah

I love these little round ones from Malaysia. 

When K went to Penang for a day's work, he brought back a box originally intended for his colleagues. I intercepted gleefully and claimed the box for myself. (Relax, his colleagues still had some other biscuits or pastries). I finished almost all on my own...

And when my mum went to Penang recently on a cruise, she bought me a small box too. The box was too small I think :( haha. But better than nothing of course! 

This little fella is the last piece left from my mum's box. 

See it's golden shiny goodness....Once I pop it in...I will officially run out of stock....Nooooooo.....:( 

Sunday night...

Sunday night was a rough night. Little Baby slept at 8pm and between that time till 7am the next day, she woke more than 10 times.

After the first few times she woke, I decided to sleep in her room instead. Wise decision, for it saved me the time and energy from walking to and from her room numerous times. All I had to do was jump up from my position on the floor below her cot. K was having the runs so I was on sole night duty.

I don't think I slept much that night. It might have been 4 or 5 hours in total but it was in fits and spurts here and there....30mins here, 45mins there, 1hr here, 20mins there.

On Monday morning when I was handling a tin of mushrooms, I cut myself on the sharp edge of the opened lid. Probably carelessness due to my sleep-deprived mind. :(

Need sleep

It's 3am now. I'm glad I made the decision to sleep in Little Baby's room. At least I can respond faster to her and K can get more rest.

Why did I make this decision at 1am earlier on? Because she was waking up and screaming hysterically on average every hour or less since she fell asleep at 8pm. And because K is down with diarrhoea. He looks bad. He should see the doc soon...

P/s: lying on a thin foldable mattress on the ground, feeling the floor through the mattress, and feeling a little like my granny when she slept in my room last time...

Bah

I treasure my time alone at the end of the day. After my shower, after K and Little Baby have gone to sleep and after I've done all my chores, I lie on the couch in the living room. Only the orange lights are switched on in the living room, and the only sound comes from the fan. 

Oh, the solitude. Love it.

Tonight, the plan was to clear abit of work and surf the net a little. Alas, the network is down! Argh, I couldn't do my work too...bah. 

Anti-climax.

Last night's dream

The God of Dreams (if there's any) created an amusing one for me last night. Bizarre but definitely entertaining haha. 

I dreamt that I was the ex-girlfriend of an Asian celebrity, Wu Jian Hao, or better known as Vanessa Wu. His first love aka 初恋情人.

Like what???!!!!

(For those not in the know, he's 1/4 of the previously famous F4 boy band from Taiwan and now happily married to a Singaporean socialite Arissa Cheo.) 

And so it went in the dream that we had a brief but powerful relationship and he had given me a toy as a token of our "love". It was a little blue squishy plush toy with fur so soft and fluffy it felt really good to cuddle with. And oh yes, it was a triceratops. 

Yes, a dinosaur. Totally random...lol. 

I don't remember much else of the dream already. 

I don't think my Mr K will be very happy reading this but ok lah, he's my real-life Vaness Wu! 

Anyway, they both have small eyes with single eyelids haha. Same same. :D

P/s: Little Baby's a little unwell and woke many times last night, easily 6-8 times. The dream probably came in one of my woozy "in-between-her-waking-up" periods. 

Voila

Late night preps for Little Baby's 1st birthday celebration tomorrow with both sides of the family. 

Loving the tissue paper balls. Ordered them online and I've been making them since a week plus ago whenever I get the chance to. Time to put them up...question now is where...hmm....

Recalibration

前两天心情有点烦躁。 告诉自己要调整以下， 平复一下心情， 不要让一件事或一个人破坏自己的稳定。要把精神和精力花在该花的地方。爱身边重要的人， 爱自己多一些。

Was feeling a little down the last 2 days. Telling myself that I need to let things go and recalibrate myself and my thoughts. Don't let an unpleasant incident or a particular person get me down. I should channel my energies to the right places. Love the important people in my life more, love myself more.

work relations

You can't please everybody. It is inevitable that some people won't like certain things you do or won't like you as a person.

So long as you remain true to yourself and whatever you are doing and your conscience is clear.

Just found out that The Coll has told others that I have a bad temper and has bad-mouthed me on other aspects.

Sigh. So be it. Maybe she doesn't realise that sometimes I just don't want to talk to her because she has stepped on my toes. I'm perfectly fine with others in the team. And if the majority of the team generally doesn't want to hang out with her. Then who's the one who is not doing things right?

Seeing red

A line was crossed. My limit was breached earlier on and my anger shot to high levels. 

Ranted to 2 colleagues in a brief manner cos I was rushing home. 

Took many deep breaths. I am still fuming though. The anger has only dissipated a little. 

Having an asinine colleague (The Coll) has brought me some measure of grief. Sigh. 

Off for more deep breathing. 

===========

Update: 

It's 915pm now. 3.5hrs since the incident at work. Recanted the episode to K and he agreed that she did things on purpose. Some anger is still there. I tried my best to put a lid on it. Guess I only succeeded a little. Still some bubbling and simmering within. 

It has been a very long while since I was so incensed. Well done The Coll, you managed to get under my skin this time. 

Was that why Nadya was rather cranky before bed tonight? She might have picked up on the bad vibes. Sorry Little Baby. Mummy wasn't great company tonight. 

Coincidences.......

Inlaws told me they were going to a wake this evening. When I asked where, they mentioned a road and I said a good friend was staying there. They then mentioned the unit number and it was my friend's address. 

Turned out that it was his grandmother who had passed on. She was a month short of hitting 91yrs old. 

This brings the tally to a total of 3 good friends whose grandmother or grandfather passed on this year. And my own granny passed on this year as well. 

Mal a tete

Never quite realised how debilitating a headache can be. Till now when I have a kid.

Here you are trying to placate a fussing wriggling tiny human. And there you have "someone" pounding away at the sides of your head. 

And somehow the baby's cries get magnified to be twice as loud as usual. 

忍

The Panadol doesn't seem to be working today. 

Our nest

It's been almost 2 months in our new home. And you tend to get more familiar with your immediate surroundings:

- there is a resident cat. A black and white fella with a red collar which I think the security guard uncle put on it. Relatively friendly cat prone to lots of "meow-ing" whenever anyone approaches. 

- I've a talented neighbour who plays the piano. Practices almost everyday. Lives on the ground floor, 3 units directly below me.

- there are a few other babies in the development. :) 

- I've another talented neighbour who plays the recorder. Or it may have been a flute? I don't know really. But anyway my jaw dropped one night when I heard this neighbour playing Kitaro on his/her recorder. Not radio recorder hor, but that flute-like musical instrument. Might be the same neighbour as the piano fella.

- there's another neighbour who loves Bruno Mars. Sometimes you can hear his playlist being played and/or repeated. 

rant

Working with people who can't even take ownership and follow through with things.
Frustrating. And you wonder how and why they are a grade above you in terms of rank.

But, no time for anger now, for there are many things to be done.

Mind is on several things all at once. Including Little Baby's menu for this weekend.

Shepherd's Pie

As opposed to multiple dishes, sometimes I prefer making one-dish meals. It is more fun, less mundane and more convenient. 

Yesterday's one-dish was shepherd's pie! The taste was good to me, but I added too much salt and the last few mouhthfuls were a little cloying to the taste buds because of the saltiness.

The pics aren't very appealing but here they are. 

Saturday

Sat was a day of many appointments. 

During the day we had the following vendors pop by:

1. Opennet - their 4th visit and finally they manage to solve their cable issue

2 StarHub - only when Opennet fixed their issue could StarHub come in to settle our fibre connection. Glad that this was fully settled yesterday. 

3. NTUC - I had ordered groceries online.

4. Painter - he swung by to paint the skirting in the balcony. I think all the touch-ups of the house have been completed? 

And of course, we went out for my mum early bday celebration in the evening. 

Busy Saturday. 

A look back

Let's see, what have I been occupied with during my weekends since mid last year?

• June/July 2013 - Felt much better compared to the initial nauseated feeling and there were much less giddy spells. So K & I were out running errands and buying things in preparation for Little Baby's arrival. 
• August/September 2013 - I remember thinking at the time "We bought so many things but how come we are still short of things for her arrival?" We were still running errands and buying things for Little Baby. By this time, I couldn't walk for long and would need to rest very frequently.
• October/November 2013 - Little Baby's arrival. Brought much joy to us and much havoc to the household as well. The initial weekends were busy with well-wishers, friends and family members visiting me. Of course, K & I were occupied with learning how to deal with the little angel (who was not so angelic when she started bawling her lungs out).
• December 2013 / January 2014 - Mad rush to get presents ready for Christmas. And it was our first few times venturing out to a shopping centre with Little Baby. I remember a scene vividly. I was carrying her to the washroom to change her nappy. Two aunties started staring at me and I realised that she had vomitted on me. So I was walking around smelling like sour milk and had milk curds dribbling down my T-shirt and down my thigh. The weekends in January were spent getting ready for CNY, wrapping angpows and such stuff. And oh yes, house-hunting started in January.
• February/March 2014 - House-hunting reached a feverish peak. Weekends were spent visiting homes. And eventually, after we settled on our current place, weekends (and some weekdays) were spent on getting the administrative procedures ready.
• April/May 2014 - Weekends were spent visiting IDs and contractors. When we finally chose one, we had to spend time with him to discuss concepts, and decide on colours, materials, etc.
• June/July 2014 - We still had to have meetings with our ID and we were also running around madly trying to buy things for the home. Fixtures, fittings, groceries, etc. End July was spent packing. 
• August/September 2014 - Ah, this is the now. August weekends were spent trying to get a grip on ourselves haha. Cleaning, cooking, looking after Little Baby, getting the laundry sorted out, ironing, etc. And till now, there are still areas of the house which have not been cleaned. (Sigh!). September is underway and I think we are slowly getting into a weekend routine. We are getting better and we are getting there.

Come to think of it, our weekends have been so occupied each week since last year.

Can't remember when was the last time we went for a movie date. I think it was at least a year ago....

bah....the old man is grouchy today

老板出国公干，今天回来公司了。心情很不好， 皱着眉头， 脸黑得很。
一大清早已经被他“鸟”了。。。嗨， 今天应该不容易过。。。

Good luck to all of us...

Sigh...

I saw someone's FB status today. She was pregnant and probably in her 3rd trimester already. But her post today was quite heartbreaking. She lost her baby. I don't know what happened exactly but I feel very sad for her and I hope she stays strong. She and her husband seem to be Christians so I hope their faith in God keeps them strong throughout all this.

R, we are not close and we have not caught up with each other in more than 10 years. You will probably never see this but I am sending my silent wishes to you. I really feel for you and sincerely hope that you will take care of yourself and stay strong in this time of grief. May God bless you and your husband....

LinkedIn

For the longest time, I resisted the idea of having a LinkedIn account.

I couldn't see the value of it and also I didn't want to have another online profile to manage. Just one Facebook account and a Blogger account is enough for me thank you. I don't have a Twitter account. I don't have an Instagram account. I don't have a Dayre account, nor a Tumblr account. So I really don't know how those things work. For a brief while I started a GooglePlus account and toyed with it for a few weeks before eventually abandoning that account as well.

These days though, I am opening up to the idea of having a LinkedIn account. Maybe it is because there is a sudden influx of connection requests coming from people within my industry.

And I have seen the effects of how these virtual "connections" on LinkedIn might help in one's career and also how search firms actually trawl through LinkedIn to identify potential candidates to fill their clients' job vacancies.

I shall explore it soon. Once I get some time on my hands and an opportunity to do so.
Hmm.....

This is a record

It is the fastest I have ever killed (or almost killed) a plant. :( 

5 days.

Sorry little basil...I don't know what I did or didn't do. 

Auntie-fied

I swear I've morphed into an auntie. 

What with the disheveled hair and the bags of NTUC groceries I lug back from office ever so often. (I dislike it that I don't have a shopping mall at the MRT nearest my home). Anyway, I usually throw them all into my recyclable bag because it makes for easier carrying onto the bus. My trusty $2 bag from Daiso (see pic below)

Because I take the bus, I can't buy many things at once and usually break my purchase into smaller purchases on different days. Which makes it seem like as if I am buying a lot of things. My colleagues always ask me why I keep going to NTUC lol. 

I've already bought a whole bunch of things online from NTUC. But I can't buy frozen meats nor fresh veggies online...and their online portal does not carry all items too.

So tak glam to carry the recyclable bag around but no choice I guess. 

Scrunched up baby face

She suddenly started making "angry" faces at me yesterday lol. The entire night she was doing this and snorting out of her nose as well. She kind of looks like a girl Popeye in the upper left pic haha.

Oh and pardon the bits of pumpkin and cauliflower on her lips. I was feeding her halfway when she decided to go all drama on me with these expressions.

our nest

While our home is fully functional, there are still lots of things to be done here and there....

• I've not cleaned the pedestal in the spare room yet.
• The storeroom is a mess. Managed to clean it up a little last night but the other half of the room is still ....oh well. 
• We are not utilising the space in our kitchen cabinets very well. Need to think about how to repack the things there and shift them around to achieve optimal space utilisation. 
• We kept the chrome fittings in our bathrooms but the previous owner did not do a good job at all in maintaining the fittings. Lots of tarnish and grime. Which we are having some trouble sloughing off and polishing up. Need to spend a long time on this.
• The windows in the master bedroom need cleaning. Actually all the windows and glass doors in the home need cleaning.
• StarHub and Opennet have screwed up our fibre network installation. Things seem to be at a standstill, in limbo right now. 3 appointments have come and gone. Technicians from both parties have come and gone and till now the issue has not been fixed. K is just about to blow his top already if they still don't settle the problem. Thankful though that StarHub lent us a cable modem so we still have internet access. 
• And....the....list....goes on.......

the good stuff

Things I was thankful for since last week:

1) The boss usually gets grouchy and a little stressed before a work trip. He flew off on the Saturday just past and I was glad that he was not that grouchy at all last week. In fact, he came by my desk a few times to chat about mundane issues.

2) A dear friend seems to have good news to share! Pending confirmation from the doctor though. :)

3) The curtain guy came on Saturday and finally, after 3 appointments, all curtains in the home are up and functional. And we no longer have the sun shining in our faces on weekend mornings when we wake up.

4) Little Baby had sufficient naps during the day on Saturday and when she went over to my parents place to visit in the evening, she was such a sweetie and charmed the socks off everyone lol. I felt happy seeing my family being happy and seeing my mum and dad grinning from ear to ear.

5) Managed to catch up with TH over lunch. Was his listening ear for awhile when he griped about both work and personal life. But anyway, glad that things are moving along for him. Happy too that his wedding date has been fixed! 2nd May 2015, here we come!

6) K's tummy was finally ok by Tuesday or Wednesday and he was eating normally again thereafter.

Taking time to give thanks and appreciate the good in my life.

Agar agar mooncakes

Oh yes, before I forget. A guy teammate made this for all the Chinese folks in my team for the Mid-Autumn Festival. Each one had a box. That's 7 boxes. And a total of 14 of these agar agar mooncakes.

Effort leh! Am so impressed! 30yrs old and still single. From Malaysia. Any takers? Lol. 

Boohoo

I know I cry easily when watching to touching movies or videos or reading moving stories. 

But I cry even more easily these days. An inspiring video on FB is enough to make me tear. Watching certain portions of Voice of China can make me cry too. 

I must be tired.

First Time Mom. Oh the Uncertainties.

Before Little Baby's arrival, I was apprehensive but made sure I read and got myself knowledgeable enough to prep myself better. I planned and I organised and I prepared. Those close to me would know that Microsoft Excel is my best friend in such events. I planned for and organised my ROM and wedding with the help of Excel and I did the same for Little Baby's arrival. Things to buy, what to do and when to do and how much to spend were all captured in that trusty little softcopy Excel file, which I titled "baby mouton" (mouton is French for sheep.)

But of course, no amount of planning gets you ready for the thing called parenting. It's a constant learning and unlearning process. OJT. Trial and error. Patience and luck. Best practices and whatever you feel comfortable doing. And alot of it is based on gut feel. I call it gut feel, some people call it nature, that we are wired to be able to do basic parenting.

Lots of questions and uncertainties. Lots of figuring out. Am I doing the right thing?

I think we're doing an okay job with Little Baby so far. Could be better but I think we're coping.

Right now, the thing I am most uncertain about is her sleep, her diet, and her teeth (or lack of).

Sleep.
Is she sleeping enough? Enough to let her brain develop the way it should be? Enough to ensure she is well-rested and relaxed and happy? What's the best way to ensure she starts sleeping through the night again?

Diet.
Are we feeding her the right amount? Is she having enough? Is she taking in enough nutrients? Is she taking in enough solids? What more should I feed her with? What can I feed her with? Why is she refusing to eat fish? Will making my own ikan bilis powder help?

Teeth.
Where are her teeth? We have yet to see any and she is reaching a year-old in less than a month's time. Everytime she starts chewing on something, people will say she is teething. Well, she's been chewing on things since 4 to 5 months ago......and we're still waiting for that elusive first tooth to pop out. She's definitely a late bloomer in this aspect.

I think going forward in the next few months, the things i will start worrying or be uncertain of will be her speech, her temperament, discipline and of course, her starting to walk.

Happy Friday on 5 Sept

I was on leave last Friday because Little Baby's school was closed due to it being Teachers' Day.

I decided to meet my parents for lunch at Tampines. It was my first trip out with Little Baby alone. It was pretty alright though she got a little cranky during the cab ride there.

Turned out that my two aunts were in Tampines to look for my mum as well so we all had lunch together.

I was quite happy to have had the chance to catch up with them and have Little Baby meet up with them too. They are quite of age now and they dote on me alot too so I was really happy to see them. I hope they were happy to have had the chance to play with and carry Little Baby too. They were smiling and laughing so much at her. Though they did complain that she is kinda heavy for them to carry for long haha. They ended buying her a sweet little dress complete with little pink rose adornments on the bodice and an organza pink skirt.

K was on half day in the afternoon and swung by to meet up with us as well.

It is always nice to be in the company with your dear and loved ones. Really warms the heart.

And I was also very happy to see my Dad all smiles and grinning so happily while carrying Little Baby. (She refused to let him carry her over the last 2 to 3 Saturdays when I visited them at their home.)

They say a child completes the family and brings happiness and love along with him/her.
How true.

David Tao

I like his songs and am listening to his playlist today while at work.

For a while though, I did not listen to him because his songs invariably bring me back to a period of my life which I do not wish to recall. And also for some reason, some of his songs make me emo lol.

Anyway, am starting to listen to his songs again. So far so good, not getting emo. :)

jumbled thoughts. very jumbled.

One of those days when I feel melancholy creeping up on me.

Wondering what I have achieved in my life so far

Wondering what else or what more should and can I do

Wondering how will things pan out over my lifetime 

Telling myself that 人比人, 气死人。 自己活得开心就好，要知足。

These days, I also feel inadequacy in almost everything.

And I also feel like there's something that needs to be done with my life.
But I have no idea WHAT.

A niggling feeling. 似乎有一丝的空虚感。

Where do I go?
What do I do?

There are some I want to keep in touch with or to meet up with. 有心但力和时不足。

I just feel like crashing into bed all the time. Or I only feel like huddling up with my pillow to watch drama videos online.

The introvert in me is screaming out for "me" time to recharge.
Maybe some days of no one being around me. No one.
Too much to ask for? Hmm. 

Is this a rant post? I don't know. Just typing whatever comes to mind.
No edits, nothing.

The weekend

It was an exhausting weekend. K was down most of the time, especially on Saturday, so I was going at it alone.

Chores and Little Baby alone were enough to occupy my entire Saturday from 7am when she woke till 9pm when she slept. 

Getting up and preparing for work this morning was a little difficult. I had wanted to use toner for my face and ended up pouring eye make-up remover onto my cotton puff instead. 

Bah. 

I hope I survive the workday ahead. 

(And the work week ahead)

Wah

How can one sleep for 12hours from 10am to 10pm? 

Hmmmmm....

Um actually it's 10pm now and still sleeping...

Hmmmmm....

K: yup you know who :) 

Sleep regression

Little Baby was sleeping throughout the night on a regular basis till she turned 9.5months almost 10months.We had just shifted and when she started waking anywhere between 1 to 3 times a night (sometimes even 4 times), I initially thought that the new environment stressed her out a little. We thought she would get used to the new home and go back to her usual "sleep through the night" routine.


It's been 1 month and she's not letting up. Out of the last 30 days, I'd say she's only had maybe 4 to 5 days (or is it less??) of sleeping through the night.

K & I are extremely tired.

I've been doing some reading up on baby sleeping habits and the like.

So it seems like we are definitely not the only ones facing such a problem. Tons of parents out there are facing or have faced similar situations. There is even a term for it..."Sleep Regression".

But articles online say there are other causes for sleep regression like physical and cognitive development milestones. A baby who has just learned hot to crawl or sit up or walk will be so hyped up about his new skill that he is constantly thinking of it and constantly trying it out even in his sleep.

In desperation, I even toyed with the idea of buying one of those US-based online "Sleep Packages" where they teach you how to sleep train your baby again, without using sleep props. I didn't in the end because I was more worried about whether I was buying from a trusted site or not. (Didn't want to have my credit card details phished and used for other malicious purposes.)

There are various remedies people advise parents in these situations. Sigh, but I don't find them very concrete. I hope she goes back to her previous routine soon...

I feel quite drained. And desperate.

God, can send me some solutions?

Recap

Things I was thankful for last week:

1) K was busy at work so I was a lone ranger for almost every weekday night. Little Baby was generally quite cooperative and there were no major fussing sessions (except for one night when my fuse a little shorter than usual and she managed to frustrate me alot).

2) We had the chance to head out to Taka for awhile on Sunday. We brought Little Baby over to K's parents' place for them to babysit her. Although it was a short 2-hours plus trip mostly filled with running errands and buying the household stuff we wanted to get, it still felt good to head out of the house for awhile, without Little Baby in tow.And it felt good to eat sushi at Sushi Tei haha.

3) We brought Little Baby to the pool on Saturday afternoon. It was a wonderful feeling seeing her gorgeous smiles and watching her happily splashing about in the water. We really need to get her those arm floats!

4) The briefing session we had on Friday afternoon with our partners went pretty well. I was glad I had the help of our team's main PA. With her assistance, the organisation of the session went well. I was glad that my presentation went smoothly too, with no hard or cynical questions posed by our partners.

5) The clothes I ordered from Qoo10 arrived!

6) The curtains for the other two bedrooms arrived! The chairs for the dining set arrived!

7) The boss got grouchy and moody on a certain day but there were colleagues and KH from the other dept who kept me sane.

Water baby

My stomach wasn't feeling too good but I  had been wanting to bring her to the pool for a long time and 2 weeks ago I finally found a swimsuit for her online as well.

So we finally went this afternoon. It was a short trip to the pool but I'm glad she loved it! She was smiling and kicking and splashing the water haha...

One of those nights

When you get quite frustrated and tired and you feel like crying. 

But you can't. So you just have to take a deep breath, smile (I think fake one also can) and just carry on...

TRUDGE ON!

Side note: read an article previously that even a fake smile can bring your body some good....hmm. 

Ok, end of whining. 

Of fashion

I am not a fashionable person. I don't shop often, nor do I follow any fashion trends. I buy what I like, I buy what I feel comfortable in and generally, I go for safe and plain colours, or simple cuts and patterns, especially for workwear.

You could say I am boring. Or you could say I am unadventurous. Or you could also say I am conservative. Oh well and whatever. I do and still take some pride in my appearance, just on my own terms.

It suddenly occurred to me that, the cardigan I am having on today, was bought 10 or maybe even 11 years ago I think. It was from a shop in HK. I still remember it was on a trip with 2 of my secondary school friends. 

It's either:
- The material of the cardigan is so good that it can last for so long
- Or the cut and style of the cardigan is unique and classic enough to still be relevant
- Or I don't wear it often so it has lasted so long in my wardrobe
- Or I am oblivious to the wear and tear and general deterioration of this particular piece of clothing and that's why it is still around


Hmm.

One thing for sure, I can still wear it. :) The sleeves are slightly tighter though...which means I am more or less the same as last time? Just maybe slightly puffier.

I can't remember if there are any other items in my wardrobe which were bought so long ago....Might be an interesting thing to do a tally.

Getting really absent-minded

Suddenly realised my finger is bare. For the life of me, I cannot remember if I wore the ring this morning or not. Freaking out. K gave me the ring. It is our engagement ring. :(((

Oh shucks, wish the afternoon would pass quickly so I can get off work and go home as quickly as possible to check my bedside table. :((((


==============
Update:
When I got home that night, I discovered that the ring was sitting there quietly on my bedside table. You cannot imagine the huge sigh of relief that I let out. Maybe it was even a little cry of gratitude.

Landscape

Of hills and valleys and ridges

Of meandering lines and mini potholes and gritty pits

Of craters and undulating knolls and chunky dunes 

Of forked roads and cobbled paths and dull horizons

This is the landscape

Of my face

Sigh

burgeoning (i hope not)

I hope I'm not putting on too much weight from munching on Little Baby's leftovers...

Sometimes I throw it away...sometimes I try to finish it up because I find it so wasteful...

Bah...how ah? :(

random

Bought a swimsuit for her online. Can't wait for it to arrive in the mail and can't wait to bring her to the pool.

She loves bathing these days. I think she'll enjoy splashing about in the pool. :)

Side note, online shopping itch is starting up again...

"Oh dear!" I hear my pockets say....

Hmm.....

Last Night

Little Baby tested my patience. I had to keep telling myself to keep cool.

She refused to eat the mashed pumpkin and sweet potato mix I prepared for her. She gobbled up the same combination over the last weekend and seemed to love it alot. But last night she just refused to swallow it.

She would open her mouth when offered the food. She would take the food into her mouth. And then she would immediately stick her tongue out and push out the food or just let the food drop out. And at the same time she would stick her fingers into her mouth as well and rub bits of everything all over her face.

It was a mess. Didn't help that she's got alot of hair and I was trying hard to keep her from touching her hair and getting mashed food in that mane of hers.

Oh well...I gave up and prepared brown rice cereal for her which she gobbled up pretty quickly. It was still messy though because she kept sticking her fingers into her mouth again. Imagine a mouth full of gooey sticky cereal and saliva and tubby fingers.

She was sleepy after that but refused to sleep and spent the next hour-plus rolling around in her cot alternating between happy squeals and excited gurgles and frustrated cries and fussy requests to be carried. And I couldn't leave her alone in her room. If I did, she would start crying within 2 minutes. So it's here I guess, the separation anxiety that I read about in parenting articles.

Had a bad backache after last night's episode. Thankfully it went away after some sleep.