I am S-T-R-E-T-C-H-E-D

And I mean literally...
Went for 2 yoga sessions this week...One on Thurs night & one on Saturday afternoon...
Saturday's session was a killer...haha, was complaining that the poses/postures were inhuman poses.
But I have to admit, the instructor on Saturday was good..think I'll go on Saturdays from now on...skip the Thursday one..

Am aching all over now...especially my shoulders and upper back..aw man...

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French enrolment is starting soon..eagerly anticipating...
Come January..and I'll be a pseudo student.. haha..
Aiming for the once a week Saturday class...maybe from 2pm to 5pm..

Yoga will have to switch to a weekday then...or Sunday morning... hmm mm...

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It is always a bit sad..when someone takes credit for your work done...ain't it?
No matter how small the effort was..it still hurts when someone else takes the credit...right?
It still stings when you hear your boss commending someone else, for your idea..yeah?

Sighzz..such is life issit?...
Ain't no word as F-A-I-R....
Shit happens...

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I am abit freaked.
Had a headache the whole of last Saturday...and a throbbing headache the whole of last night too...concentrated in a spot just behind my right eye...and spreading out to my temple..
Am not sure if I was being paranoid or over-sensitive...but I thought my right temple was slightly swollen yesterday...

What's more it's the right side...
Everyday when I wash my face..I can feel the screw there...

Tomorrow morn's my appointment with JT..been half a year since I last saw him...
Have not gone through a re-scan for a year...wonder if I need to do any tomorrow..?
Just hope all is well...

bad week

Been a bad week, mostly in terms of work...

I need to learn to let go..yeah..or maybe take things with a lighter heart..
Been pissed nearly every day over the past work week..
Friday, was the culmination of the week..
Was supposed to be on half day and cos something cropped up, couldn't leave till 3-plus 4pm...

Fuming..fuming..

Ahboy is right...I should learn to take things easy..
Afterall, a job is just a job and only just a job...

Been a long time since the floodgates poured forth..
It just happened involuntarily on one of the weeknights..though for only a short time..
Still, I felt good after that...a perverse way of release I suppose...

To You, From Me

Will you be with me?
For every tomorrow that I have?

il divo - Isabel

an intro to those who do not know them..From left to right: 1. Urs Buhler from Sweden 2. Carlos Marin of Spanish ancestry but born & bred in Germany 3. French guy Sebastien Izambard 4. American David Miller....

il divo - Passerà

lovely lovely lovely..*swoon swoon swoon* if only one of them would sing to me..Urs Buhler, Carlos Marin, Sebastien Izambard & David Miller...when are you guys coming to SG???...

il divo

they're my heroes...gosh I love them..been listening to their Ancora album non-stop again..re-discovered it..after I got it about half a year back..nice album to listen to when doing work, when wanting to chill, when wanting to vent..aw man...when anything!! watching alot of their vids on youtube now..*swoon*

Buttons!!!!!!!

Woot!
Just had today's dose of the Pussycat Dolls prancing about in their Buttons MTV..Think I played it like 3-4 times.. haha

Am going to sleep a satisfied girl... =)

The song just gets to me man...

I am Beat with a cap b.
nitey nite....

"Loosen up my buttons...babe..."
"Say what you gonna do to me...uh huh..."

my sweetie..

Had dinner with ahboy just now..and funnily...when I laid my eyes on him & saw him walking towards me...I could actually feel the bad, unhappy, sad thoughts flow out of me...
It was like as if we were on one of our 1st few dates...
Just seeing him made me happy...sort of like a sadness buster..

Watching him walk towards me with that silly grin and casual yet confident lope..aw man..still melts my heart..
That "excited-girl-meeting-her-prince-charming" kind of feeling... haa..
Wanted to just hug him on the spot and not let go...

Maybe not the 1st in my thoughts when I wake..
But definitely one of my last few thoughts when I sneak into Z-land..

Ok, getting a lil' mush-mush here...
My happy nut..love my baby...
Think I can go on and on...

Gush gush gush...
Changes again..some slight changes to our daily routines to accomodate his work schedule...

when is friday coming???

I am beat.

The past few days has been somehow tiring. It's not like as if I worked my ass off or I played too hard or anything. I just feel beat.
My eyes are perpetually semi-closed..I speak with a listlessness and well, I think I even eat with less zest...

Bleah..

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Cherry aka Purpleskies aka Bolster Girl aka..........commented that I always write in short sentences.

Yes I do, don't I? Dunno leh, told her that I feel constipated...Verbally and mentally constipated...
Perhaps that's why my thoughts are always jarred and in a mish-mash condition...
In a disarray..kinda like a staccato..short bursts here and there...seemingly disjointed..but hey maybe after awhile, they seem coherent too!
And that extrapolates into how I write..I can't seem to write in long, never-ending sentences.. haha..

I find it easier to read & comprehend in shorter droves & paragraphs...
Work effect maybe...Am constantly trying to use the least amount of text to convey a message.

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I hate it when one goes to you and starts letting off steam..
And then when I comment on something...
The steam turns around and blasts me instead...
Think sometimes. I'll just keep my mouth shut. Sure beats being blasted when the person is red hot and angry and can't get much sense into their heads...

Some people just shoot it off and don't care about anything.
Some play their cool...and try to contain their anger abit..
Others...well...simply bo chup...

Wonder which combi I am?

duh....

ain't got no mood to write or blabber...
just perhaps dropping a note or two...to let you know that hey...I am still breathing my share of the hazy air ...

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Sunday was a sec sch day...Afternoon at Hid's wedding and then popped by Eugene's place for some good ol' homemade popiah...Auntie Chan made a damn fine job of choking us with her chilli...hot but POWER!!!!

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Verbal and mental constipation..
Delirium of the senses...

dang...

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Cooked dinner for ahboy on sunday evening..
haha..simple fare...

Cream of mushroom soup..(ok, i cheated, this was from a can..trusty Campbell's of course..)
Spaghetti tossed in tomato gravy with mushrooms and honey coated chicken dices...
Butter Lemon Salmon..baked till just cooked...

Yum....

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Work is FUBAR...
F-ed Up Beyond All Recognition..
Ok, that's kinda exaggerating..but well...almost there...

So when are they gonna announce the bonus huh????
I'm W-A-I-T-I-N-G........damn..it's the only bright gleaming ray of light in the bleak horizon...
(with the exception of my knight in shining armour of cos..muahaha...)

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till here...
till i clear my mind of indigestion and constipation...

will fruits help??

Doncha

Man...they are H-O-T!!!...Pussycat Dolls..htough it's only 1 singer..and the rest are just accompanying vases...

Promiscious

Nelly Furtado...what a far cry from her "I'm Like a Bird" days...way to go girl...woohoo!! Carry on being PRO-MIS-CUOUS.......!

The PussyCat Dolls - Buttons (remix)

*Sizzle* aw man..hate to say this but I can just spend a whole day listening to this song..and just watching them strut their stuff..hahha..would I kill to have a bod like any of them?? perhaps..perhaps...am in a hiphop mood tonight...

mind's as jumbled as the fried calamari i had just now...

Had a full full full dinner...
*burp* heh, my fish & co craving has been sated...totally...

Didn't get to munch on my grilled calamari....grrrrrrrrr..........courtesy of Mr Lemon.

Our usual laughter, giggles, and smiles...=)

And we've got a 4th member to our fruity team...Ms Lychee...
Quite an apt name I think. =)

Set, our next rendezvous shall be at Marina Sq. Kenny Rogers for some nostalgia...or maybe Jack's Place?? and then pop over for some bowling or pool...woohoo...!! am more for pool though! haha...then can show you how cock-eyed I can be...

As for when...let's see how it goes.. aha..
Till further updates in here man!! heee...

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There's CET meeting tomorrow morn at 9am.
I cannot be botherd to do my presentation...and I'm blogging.. haha...
Simply a waste of time.
I can put that hour or so to much better uses lor..........

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My work projects this year is like shit. Most of them are long draggy ones...
Supposed to be short and sharp.
But somehow, there'll always be major hiccups and things'll drag...and drag...and drag.....and drag....and drag.....and drag...you get the drift...

Think I might lose my job soon. Hahaa...
Some things have been taken off my plate...and passed onto someone else...ACK!!!

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It's Wednesday tomorrow....*excited*
Gonna be Friday soon! =)

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Life is a perpetual dance...

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Shit..the way I blog..reflects all my thoughts...
Mambo jumbo...fragmented...bits and pieces..distracted....here and there...

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Xmas is coming...the goose is getting fat....
Please put a penny in the old man's hat...
If you haven't got a penny then a half penny will do...
If you havent got a half penny, then god bless you...
God bless you!
God Bless You!!

My fav time of the year is here soon...
But along with it comes some of the headaches like what to get for whom...blah blah blah....

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I have decided...15th november..will be the day..when I will take leave...and go shoping.. haha
Spend some time alone...
Parents not around in SG too...so I don't have tp answer to anyone...muahahha...
Can pop by for dinner with ahboy too....=)

Fear....

Of the unknown...
Of what comes next..
Of what to expect...
Of what lies ahead...

Of what will be said to you...
Of what you will say..

Of losing it all..
Of losing yourself..
Of losing someone...

Of others...
Of yourself...
Of who or what you might become...

Cold fear..
Primal fear..
Hidden fear..
Open fear...
Big fear..
Small fear...

Fear dressed up in fancy ribbons and ringlets
Fear in its simplest...
Fear worn on your sleeves...
Fear kept in a pandora box in your heart...
Fear that you can fight..
Fear that eats you up...

The omni-presence of it..Shadowing you...
The ubiquity of it...Part of you...
The salacity of it...Drawing you into its circle..

I guess, it's something in all of us. Whether deep-rooted or not...Whether superficial or not..
Matter of how you handle it I suppose? Some master the art of masking or fighting their fears...Me? I don't think I am doing a very good job of handling my fears...I let it show..I let it nibble at me and my confidence...Sometimes it takes over and I succumb to it....A coward's way out? To take the simple easy peasy route? To let fear decide instead of deciding for yourself? I think I have become someone who holds back...instead of one who wrestles with it and perhaps converts it to fuel for greater things...

Pshaw...

Another dream

I was in either Bintan or Batam...
Stuck in a resort with the Whore..
We were somehow there for a function..Not too sure what this function was though..

Company retreat? Something else? I dunno...
Anyway bottomline..she was there. I was there.
Stuck on an island...with nothing much to do.

I was outside our room. Standing in the alleyway..
Trying desperately to call Ahboy.
Ahboy was with Kel...not sure what they were doing together...
Having drinks perhaps?...

I was feeling sad and depressed...I was also stuck with a friend? foe?
And I missed him in the dream..kept trying to call him with my mobile..
Something was wrong..I couldn't get through...
Was frantically jabbing at the number pads on my mobile...

Finally managed to get a ringtone...
But when he picked it up...I could hear his voice...but he couldn't hear mine...
I was shouting, screaming, ranting....
But still he couldn't hear me...
He sounded disgruntled and ended the call...

I was frantic. I wanted to speak to him.
I wanted to tell him I was feeling sad. I wanted to hear him comforting me...
I called again...and still the same thing happened...
He ended the call again...

I remember I was crying in the dream...
It felt horribly disappointing....
Needing something but not being able to get it...
Disappointment, anger, sadness, desperation....but the most prominent emotion in the dream was...
Fear....

TGIF!!

But I'm at home!!!! Gurading the house..
While my parents are out karaoke-ing...aw man..Times have changed....
Haha...

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Was having dinner with the choy family on Monday night...
Nice nice time...laughing..munching...:)
Managed to sneak a few sips of Chivas 18 years in between.. haaa...
Cos papa choy couldn't do without his drink and brought a small vial of it along to dinner.. ahha..

HongKong Cafe..the one at Upper East Coast Road..
Been a few months since I went there so I was happy when I was informed of the venue...
New menu..more choices...shiok!!

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Shit shit shit...
I am a sucker for laksa....well..at least for this week...
Had it on Tuesday at Temasek Tower with Cherry & Peter Pan...
Had it today again...at the same stall....

Bleah...

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Shall arrange for lunchie with Shirley..hee...
My promise to her during her confinement...:)
Lovely sweet girl...

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Had dinner alone at Coffee Club on Wednesday night.
Liews..my first time ever having dinner alone in a restaurant...

Was feeling hmm..I dunno...sad, lost, frustrated, bored, restless...
Somehow found myself there though my initial idea was to go home and cook maggi mee..
Ended up paying $21 bucks for my meal...
A simple pasta & an earl grey...

But the Garlic Prawn with Linguine was heaven....*drools*
Loads of basil & garlic...Garlic was not finely that finely chopped so I could feel it crunching in between my teeth...
Woohoo!!!!
Prawns were fresh and there was quite a few of them too!

Will go back...not so soon though... hehe....

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It's official.
I have put on weight..about 1-plus to 2 kg...
Managed to psycho myself to go stand on the weighing scale...

And voila, the needle is not where it used to be anymore...
Sighzz...result of weeks of eating out and eating good stuff...Damn..
Year end is coming..festivities and mroe eating....

Jialats!

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Speaking of putting on...
Hehe...a conversation went like this yesterday...

She: "I am getting fat!!" *squeezes imaginary fat from upper arms* "You see!!"
Me: "Oh ok..."
She: "Sighz...how ah? jialat leh..." *prolly expects me to say something more or something encouraging*
Me: *stares blankly for a few moments and then gives a cursory smile*

muahahaha......
*wink wink* for those fellow fruities in the know...

zzzzzzz.....

Oh my... hhaa....ain't you nice to me these few days?
Hmmmm...can joke with me, gossip with me...ask me out for lunch???

The weather has suddenly changed.
And we will have fair weather..clear skies with no hint of rain...

Hmm...

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To see a world in a grain of sand,
And a heaven in a wild flower,
To hold infinity in the palm of your hand,
And eternity in an hour.

(William Blake)

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I am spent! Will go bathe now...
Read some pages..pac by bag for tmr...And then go snoooooozzzzeeee....

Going Sentosa tmr! Long time no go.
Haha....more specifically..long time no go with the uni peeps...
Dan, Kym, XL, Von....

By the way, the book's getting interesting...
The murderer's a psycho...with a disturbing childhood...hmm mm....
Victim's mum is a psychiatrist...So there's some mind games in the book....
Makes for a slow but interesting read so far....

Bad Dream Yesterday

Bad dream yday...From the way I see it...it reeks of tension again...
Been a few days or maybe a week since my last dream?

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Was in an amusement park with Dad & Adrian.
Perhaps something like a carnival of sorts...those which you might find in the States in the 50s or 60s...round carousels...big tents of red and white stripes...clowns eveerywhere handing out sweets to small children..

Mum was not there at all. Neither was Gran...
I seem to have an impression of Mei & little Marc somewhere...
Could sense their presence in the dream..but didn't really see them...
I think I was a young girl in the dream..barely in my teens...

We were watching animals performing tricks of all kinds...
Bears, dogs, cats, snakes, chimps, other smaller monkeys...
Hamsers and other rodents too...(though I know this sounds bizarre...what can a hamster perform??)

The scene zipped forward to after the performance.
I had somehow snuck to the area where they kept these stage animals.
I was appalled...those were horrible conditions...filthy, smelly, dark, damp, grimy...
And the cages were small with rusty bars...
Some animals were not in cages but just tied up on very short ropes, gazing at me with their sad, mournful eyes...
Food was stale and flies were buzzing everywhere...

I felt sad and angry..unjustification of the treatment of these animals and so I went round the cages, releasing the animals one by one...
Found a pair of shears and freed those tied to the ropes too.

The scene zipped froward again...
The warden found out...caught me in the act just as I was releasing the last one...
I ran. He ran after me.
The warden's angmoh by the way...

And I ran and ran. And he ran and ran too..Screaming and ranting..Hurling curses at me..
I kept running...on and on...
It felt like a small scale Jackie Chan movie...I was sliding down slopes and clamberingup grass slopes...

I am still running...And then like a flash, I morphed into an adult...like who I am today..
And like another flash, I met Chloe & Jenice.

I told them "Hey, can't tok long with you girls. Someone's chasing after me.."
They didn't ask why someone was chasing after me...but shared with me that they were going to Australia in a few months time for a month-long vacation.
I said.."Wah, that's nice. Ok, Gotta Go!!"

And then I ran again...panting & heaving..
Felling tired..but then again, strangely not tired...
I went where my legs brought me...
I could still hear the warden's angry voice hollering behind...though getting softer...

I turned into a corner and then..what the fish???
The street was suddenly filled with lotsa Chinese teenagers...
There was a banner that said StreetFest 2006. (FYI, there's really such an event in SG).
Hordes of these teenagers...All manga fanatics...
Decked out in those anime costumes...Hair gelled up to look like any one of those anime characters...

I got deeper into the crowd...and managed to shake off the warden...
But soon got lost amidst this teeming crowd....
Everywhere I turned would be someone dressed in an anime costume...
Some were gothic...black clothes, black hair...kohl-lined eyes...black lipstick..black nails...
I was desperate to find a way out of these people...

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And then I woke up...heart racing...
And it was 7-plus in the morning...
Cursed silently...took a few more winks...and then got up to prepare for the day....

Wah lan eh......grrrrrrrr..................

arggggghhhhhhhhh

Reading without Comprehending
Writing without Connecting
Eating without Tasting
Hearing without Listening
Watching without Seeing
Thinking without Feeling
Doing without Knowing

I dunno...
Tired.
Frustrated.
Melancholic.
Bad mood.
All rolled into one big fat ill-tasting popiah.