Jiayou Mama....

I've had mum guilt before...I mean, most mums will experience it at least once, if not ever so often. 

Friday was tough for me. A challenging day that started with a call with my boss, then a board meeting, then a call with the Ministry, and then...it was just a frenzy after that with the day packed with Whatsapp calls, Whatsapp messages, back and forth emails, Microsoft Team calls, Skype messages, etc. Work continued on and off till night.

I was supposed to be on childcare leave in the afternoon as Nadya's school was closed that day. I had initially imagined some quiet time with her after bringing her for a Mac lunch and running errands at Popular. What happened was.....

I was so occupied that K, Nadya and myself left the house for lunch only at 1230/1240pm. And even then I had to make a call when I was putting on my shoes at the door and yet another call when I was in the car on the way to Mac. 

After we got home, I had to cancel my leave cos well...work. I couldn't spend time with Nadya. She was hovering around me asking for attention and floating around the house cos K was doing his work as well. All I could do was to tell her to find some things to do on her own. She ended up tearing at one point. I felt gutted. Torn between my kid and a work issue that was pressing and involved the top guy in a Ministry and another top 2 big guns at another agency. 

I could only hug her for 5-10mins and apologise profusely...She did up a poem and a card for me later on that had the following stuff written on it...word for word...including spelling errors...

You are a star
Shining in the wold
You shine in the darck, light and in my hart.
You are the best perent in the wold!

I love you
A shining star
Would you like a hug?

There's still another pending issue involving all the same big bosses. Trying to settle this one first before the second one...I hope my evenings and weekends are not burnt anymore.....

Jumeokbap

I'd been wanting to make jumeokbap aka Korean rice balls since a few months back. 

I thought it'd be something different and fun for the girls. I try to switch things up a little from time to time to break the monotony for them...rice at times, noodles at other times, wanton this time, beancurd skin "crackers" the next time, etc....

A few weeks back I'd gotten K to grab some roasted seaweed strips and finally on Sunday evening, I tried out my first rice balls. I didn't use shortgrain rice though. Just the regular mali hom rice we have at home. Kept it simple with just seaweed, salt and sesame oil. Turned out quite nice and Alyssa loved it. Nadya said it was somewhat plain and "not much taste". I was afraid the girls would be overwhelmed by the sesame oil and didn't dare put alot. 

Monday...the girls asked for ham rice balls. I made them and put more salt and sesame oil and voila, I got stamps of approval from both girls and also K haha....

Tuesday...the girls asked for cheese rice balls instead. I made them again but the cheese didn't bring as much taste to the rice balls as the ham did haha. The girls still loved it though. :)

Today's Wednesday...K is the one asking for the rice balls now haha...he wants them plain with just seaweed/sesame oil/salt and no other protein mixed in. I'd initially told the girls on Tuesday night that I'll be taking a break from making rice balls for dinner....but since K asked...I might as well make some for the girls as well...I'll see how this evening. :)

My heart is full seeing them enjoy the rice balls...haha...:D 

Ah jumeokbap...something so simple to prepare and yet brings so much joy...:) I should have made them earlier!

Sushi & gimbap next? hmm...more effort needed for these though and I'll need actual short grain rice too...

Yay!

I seldom have things going up to the CEO level. Used to be on the rare occasion with the previous CEO and barely any with the current one who only took over in June this year. 

Had a submission going up to him 2 days ago though. And he had clarifications, which were responded to....and this morning I woke up to his email that opened with this first line....

"Thanks Michelle, good update, well done"

Wah..happy siah! haha...:D

Jiayou

On and off for the past week, I had achy arms, a knotted stomach, achy calves and slight light-headedness on a few occasions. Also that lump in the throat that appears when I get too much stomach acid building up...

Been a long while since I felt these. May the anxiousness ease up. Need to manage it....

Jiayou Michelle

Jack of all trades, master of none

The older I get, the more distracted I am. Or is it due to lesser time...or?

Jack of all trades, master of none. Touch and go, touch and go. I have half-done or abandoned projects here and there. 

1. Acrylic painting
2. Chinese dragonfly knotting
3. Crocheting
4. Watercolouring
5. Pencil colouring
6. Scratch art
7. Doodling
8. Reading
9. Creating terrariums
10. Gardening
11. Bonsai
12. Brush letterin

I have things accumulated here and there...silk/satin threads, various beads, keychain rings and hooks, glass jars for terrariums, little decorative items and other tools for terrariums, flower pots and other gardening stuff, packets of different soils and special soil for bonsai, acrylic paint, small canvases in various sizes, art brushes, water colour paint, watercolour paper, markers, half-used notebooks, brush letter pens, yarn, crochet hooks, pom pom makers, wires for airplant holders, other craft wires, colour pencils, half-used colouring books, sketch books, number painting canvases, jewel sticker crafts, small piles of origami paper and other types of art paper, "how to draw" books,.................

And many many more......I also have an untouched leather wallet making kit which I managed to bid for within the company during the Circuit Breaker period...

I wish I had my own craft room. With a big cupboard with different shelves and drawers I could use to store all my craft stuff, my books and notebooks, and all my various projects in one single location. 

I think if I were to convert to part-time work or stop work, I'd have enough things to occupy me...

I guess, one upside to having all these is that for whatever projects the schools need the girls to do...I can always find a material to fashion something for them to submit lol.....

11.11 - Bugis Junction Field Trip

I took leave today because I have 3 meetings on Thursday. Coincidentally, it's also 11.11 today. Not sure if that's the reason why there seemed to be so many people at a mall on a weekday (no need to work or study meh?).

Mission: Personal challenge & Errands day & CNY clothes 
Venue: Bugis Junction

Went there alone and started my day at 10am. Was very slightly jittery but all went well. Cos well...me being me...I'd already planned out my routes, which shops to go to, at which level, and what to get or look out for. Need to maximise efficiency since I only have limited time haha...Planning ahead helps calm my nerves...

I spent $108 for my first purchase which was made in less than 5mins lol. I was probably that cosmetics counter girl's first sale for the day and I'm glad I helped her “破鸡蛋”. Spent the next 1.5hrs buying stuff and finally met up with K who had come from home to meet me for lunch. He helped me lug back the stuff that I bought.

After lunch, he went home and I continued again for another 1hr plus almost 2 hours. Thankful that K had brought back the stuff I'd bought earlier. Else I wouldn't be able to last so long. Things can get....heh-veeeeee. 

Did a round in Muji and as usual...Muji does not disappoint. 

The shop I wanted to go to for my CNY dresses was closed for renovation...zzz...why so zun?! Went over to my 2nd choice shop and ended up with a one-piece jumper. The first I've ever owned. The maroon jumper caught my eye first, but I chickened out at the last minute and bought the dark blue instead. Safer for work...and probably will last longer too haha. I don't have anything remotely maroon in my wardrobe haha, save for a bright pink T-shirt and a red T-shirt but those are for casual wear. 

Oh yes...I ended up being a member of BHG, SKII and also Muji...I think...我越来越 Auntie了....

Reached home at 3pm or so...and kinda crashed after that...lol. Thankful for the nap time...

All in all a fruitful day. 
Glad I went through with this challenge. Handled it pretty alright...

Just need to manage it...

Been a little more tense these few days. Felt bad about how rude I was to a close friend (unintentionally though...) plus was dealing with new staff joining the team. 

Kind of expected my stomach to go a little haywire because I'd been tensing up in the gut area. Could feel it. Past 2 nights were a little queasy and gassy. Today a little as well. 

Nevermind...jiayou!!!

Just need to manage it....Hwaiting!

成语s that Alyssa knows

I think she knows alot for her age haha...Thanks to Berries. From what I can recall....

美味可口
津津有味
鸟语花香
兴高采烈
愁眉苦脸
拍手叫好

Erm...actually 'm not sure how many of the above are actually considered idioms...but oh well...as long as she's learning something ;p

Conversations with a 7yr-old

To salvage or not to salvage?

Yesterday evening before dinner.

N: Mama do you know the song "Selfish Love"?

Me: ?? I think you meant "Savage Love"? *hums the song*

N: Yaya! This is the one. Oh, so it's called "Salvage Love"

Me: LOL...Savage Love lah!!

Work

Work volume has increased recently. One more new staff is coming in next Monday. She's pretty capable and should be able to help alleviate some of these duties after she settles in. 

Thankful that she's from the industry so her learning curve should be pretty short and gentle. :) 

Need to spend some time to look through all the process flows after she settles down...for both sides of the house I am looking after...

Rain Rain! Big Rain!

The huge heavy rains last afternoon and evening wreaked a mini havoc in my balcony. I've not checked on the larger living room balcony yet but I think that one should be ok as the pots of plants are bigger and more resilient. What I am sure of is that both balconies need to have a wipe down...and all plant trays need to be cleared of water. Gosh.

Spent 30mins clearing up my balcony earlier this morning. 

The chest of drawers was wet and some had seeped into the drawers themselves. Some soil and leaves and flowers were strewn about on the floor. And my poor poor ficus ginseng bonsai and small pot of butterfly pea plant were drowning in rainwater...I think I need not water them for the next 2-3 days at least. 

The big water jasmine bonsai was also drowning but less so as it was placed further in on the balcony. 

I think the only plants loving the rainbath yesterday must have been the airplants lol...No need to water them these 2 days too. They probably got enough misting and soaking yesterday. 

That said, I hope the rainwater brought some extra nice nutrition and minerals for all the plants! :)

Scratch...

Not sure what I ate last evening or if it's the environment. 

Cheeks and lower jawlines have been itching on and off since last night. Soles of feet are a little tingly. Lower arms, the portion where you lay your arms on the table while typing, is also itching from time to time...

Need to drink alot of water today to flush things out.....

Reminders

I saw this the other day --> The biggest failure is when you stop challenging yourself. 

Tweaking that a little to something that is more palatable to me....

"One big setback is when you stop challenging yourself and when you stop learning things."

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Saw this another day....but I forgot who said it. 

"Trust the hardship you are going through and know that it is shaping you into somebody who you are meant to be at the end of the day."

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"I will figure things out. No matter how long it takes me. That is my commitment to myself."

"Not trying means it's 0% chance of success. Taking the first step and trying brings that up to at least 50% chance of success. So just do it, just try."

"There are many parts of me. Even if one part of me doesn't go well or fails, I tell myself that it is okay. I have another me in myself." 
(On the many different roles we each play in our lives - mother, daughter, wife, boss, subordinate, peer, etc)

- Park Na Rae, ep 131 Master in the House.

Im Chang Jung

Late to the game but oh well. :)

Just discovered this awesome singer Im Chang Jung. His song "The Love That I Committed" was on loop for quite awhile today. " A Glass of Soju" and "There Has Never Been a Day I Haven't Loved You" are very nice too. 

Yes. Korean singer...;p

Side note: He looks exactly like a HK actor...but I can't remember his name....

17 October

Happy birthday Michelle!

You’ve worked hard and done well over the last one year. Keep it up! Don’t forget to look after yourself and give yourself enough rest and space to clear your mind every now and then. 

Here’s wishing you many good things and may you stay blessed, healthy and happy always. May all hours, days, weeks and months be fruitful and delightful!

加油！！

I can do this. Yes I can. 

However difficult this project is. I can do it. I can handle it. 

Bit by bit. Piece by piece. Step by step. 

要相信自己，忍着，熬过去就好了。。。再多几个星期，再多两三个月（？） 就好了。

可以的，你可以的。。。坚强，咬紧牙根，勇往直前! 

但也要记得别给自己压力，要放开多一点，放轻松多一点。。。

太紧绷也不能做事，也对自己的身子不好。。。

加油加油加油！！

老娘长大了喔!

过几天就要庆祝 the big four-O “大寿”了。

有舍感想？也不晓得。

没什么大愿望大目标。只希望家人好友和自己都开开心心，健健康康，顺顺利利， 就好了。

还有那两个小瓜平平安安就好了。

对我而言，低调舒服是最好的。收到好友的祝福，和 K 吃顿饭， 散散几步，过后自己有几小时的  me-time 就够了。

不怎么想切蛋糕唱生日歌什么的。。。

可我妈硬要在星期六晚上买个蛋糕给我唱生日歌。。。我是不喜欢焦点在身上的一个人。。嗨，不知道为什么她最近老爱 "force her ideas on others"。。强迫别人。

为了避免冲突，也就委屈点，由她去。。。

10.10

I didn't know that 10 October was apparently World Mental Health Day. 

Till I saw posts about it (both sponsored and shared by friends) on Facebook. 

To all who are feeling not quite themselves, who feel like they are losing their shit, who are feeling down and out, who are struggling within themselves, who are trying to make sense of what is happening, who are feeling confused and lost, who are having a difficult time, who think they are losing their grip on things, and who are overwhelmed......

You are enough. 
You are brave and strong. You can do it. 

Talk.
To someone. 

Cry it out.
Cry it out some more. 

Keep moving.
Keep going. Keep walking. 

Jiayou. 
Ganbatte.

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It's been almost 2 years since the day I connected some dots and realised I was not quite myself anymore and that I was struggling. It took me some courage and effort but Sasi's openness and candid advice gave me the final courage to take that step and get myself diagnosed properly. 

And so the journey began. Of challenges and hurdles, of self-love and self-discovery. Of trying, and trying again. Of managing myself, and managing myself some more. 
I've been told that it's good that I am quite self-aware and am very willing and open to learn ways to manage myself. 

I am thankful, for the support and encouragement from friends and loved ones and even close colleagues (and my direct boss). 
For the acceptance and openness. For the non-judgement. For the strength given when I lacked it. 
For the listening ears. For the time and attention given to me when I needed them.

It is however, still a lonely journey in some ways. No one can truly understand what you're feeling unless they've experienced it. 

So anyway...I will keep working on myself. 
Bit by bit. Little by little. 
Sometimes the going gets tough and you feel like you're taking several steps back. 
But 3 steps forward, 2 steps back, is still a step forward. 
Even if it's 3 steps forward, and 4 steps back, I just have to keep trying. 
To move forward. 

Jiayou Michelle.
You are enough. You are doing good. 
Keep going. 

ling ling sui sui

Only been less than a month that I have the 3 ladies reporting to me (officially only a week actually)....and already: 

• had to cover one who's on HL for 3 weeks
• encountered staff who was forced to take leave cos HDB's contractor had to shut down electricity to that stack in the block for the whole day
• another who had to stop work earlier on several days and attend to her mum in hospital 
• someone had to seek approval a few times to return to office to settle some stuff
• had to redo Team A & B and call tree protocols due to the change in structure

零零碎碎的东西突然多了很多

LOL...aiyoh....加油啦!

Reminder to self...

Dealing with junior officers who may not have the experience and depth, and who may have a more micro view of things, and who may not have an understanding of the stakeholders involved...

Patience is needed..

Breathe...

One step at a time...

Breathe...