Parenting...and....growing up

We shifted here in June 2014. 

And for the first time in almost 7 years, our kitchen is steriliser-and-milk-bottle-free. 

We've gotten rid of the last of Alyssa's Dr Brown milk bottles, and permanently stored away the Avent steriliser which has served us for a good number of years. Stored it away because our helper wants to send it back to the Philippines for her relative to use. We told her it was a very old (and worn out) appliance but she still wanted it so we let her have it. 

Managed to wean Alyssa off quite quickly and easily compared to Nadya. The remaining milk tins will be donated or sold off. 

With P1 registrations coming up, with Alyssa entering Singapore's formal education school system next year, with Nadya already in P3 next year, with us donating away the playmat we bought in end 2013/early 2014, with me clearing away more clothes that both girls have outgrown...it seems our parenting journey is transitioning to another phase. 

Bittersweet to be honest. I really miss those times they were chubby and tottering around the house. Miss the babbles and gurgles. Yet, I'm also excited to see them growing into little ladies. 

It's ok Mama

For the last 2-3 evenings, I've been helping Alyssa plan, conceptualise and finally work on her craft piece for her school. She's supposed to use various materials provided by the school and whatever we have on hand at home to create a 扇子, a Chinese fan. 

Nadya helped out here and there as well. 

Yesterday evening, I realised I made a mistake in my calculation and cut a piece of paper with the wronbg proportion. I muttered "Aiyah, I mistake. Aiyah...I hope I can salvage this."

Alyssa was so sweet and responded with a ......

"It's ok Mama. Everybody makes mistakes. I also make mistakes sometimes too."

Lol....so cute. 

Granny

11 April was Granny's 7th death anniversary. 

It being a Sunday, I didn't have much chance to ruminate much about her and "talk" to her. Only found some time to do so in the few minutes before bed. 

While I think I'm handling things better in the recent couple of years already, content touching on grandparents still gets to me.

Anyway, I love you Mama. I found a pic of you the other day when I was clearing my old stuff. It was from my Sec 1 project titled "My Family". The photo must have been in the late 1930s or 40s. Posting it here for posterity....

> One Year

So fast. I've been working from home for a year and 3 weeks already. I still remember 21 Mar 2020 was physically my "last day"  in the office. 

Various highs and lows. From work and job scope changes, to handling both kids during their home-based learning days, to being able to lunch out much more with K, to handling shitty work stuff brought about by an increase in malicious activities online, to experimenting with recipes, to being able to do more walking, etc...

Time zips by....

Work

Not quite looking forward to going back to office, even if it's a "3 days in office" type of arrangement. 

Not sure how it's gonna be as yet. While the over-arching policy has been announced by the organisation, at the team/group level, we're still waiting for the announcement by our Executive Director. 

80-90% of my own team have indicated to me that they still prefer to be 100% WFH. That includes me. 4.5 out of 5 of my team. One of the ladies is half-half. 

Tmr's the announcement. I hope alot of flexibility is given.....

Monitor

Nadya was made class monitor for this term, together with another boy.

She has a badge to pin on her T-shirt everyday now and she's pretty proud of it. :)

We're proud of you too sweetie...Keep it up!

She's set her sight on a junior leader position in the future. I think it's something like a junior prefect but I'm not sure of the duties this role carries. Will leave it to her to navigate and figure out herself how to get there. 

Just one or two things that I hope she can tweak though. Her whininess and tendency to complain about anything and everything, whether it's a good or not-so-good situation, she'll find something to whine or complain about. We've spoken to her on a few occasions and reminded her from time to time on this as well. It's slightly better but she still needs to work on it. Let's see how this goes...

Soft

I'm soft. 

Have always been. Softer than the so-called strawberries of the generation that just came out into the workforce. Maybe that's why certain things in my life turned out the way they did. Maybe that's why I have anxiety too..

Maybe I have too much emphathy? Maybe I just dislike conflicts too much? Maybe I am too ham ji and bo ji. 

Of ballet & gymnastics

Nadya is having her ballet Grade 1 examination this morning. Good luck sweetie!! Months of preparation and practice for this 30-45mins session today. May it go smoothly for you baby girl!

Just realised she started ballet 5yrs ago and I've been a "ballet mum" for that long haha. But this is her first formal graded exam by the Royal Academy of Dance in the UK. :) 

I've gotten better at tying hair buns too ;p And using hair gel and hair spray haha. 

Alyssa started ballet when she 3 as well. The dance teacher said she was doing pretty ok but I guess Alyssa's heart wasn't fully in it. Alyssa just stopped her ballet lessons in school, and is now taking gymnastics elsewhere. Still taking baby steps in gymnastics but we're happy seeing her smile and enjoy the lessons so far. :)

Sick. Was.

Was down the last few days. Haven't been this unwell since a long time back. 

Had a bad congested nose which was constantly leaking last Wednesday. I filled up my wastepaper basket with used tissue and had to put aloe vera gel on my nose to prevent it from getting too raw. 

K wasn't doing too good either and woke on Thursday morning with a bad throat. We went to the clinic and....ended up getting swabbed and given a 5-day MC with a mandatory order to stay at home at all times. 

The swab wasn't painful, but it felt weird. I didn't know something could go so far back into my head through my nostril lol. Going through it made me cry involuntarily though. The doctor commented that it was ok as it was natural physical reaction, and that he had made many people cry this way already haha. 

In any case, we both received negative results 24hrs later....and had the mandatory stay home order lifted. 

It's been 6 days since my nose started leaking badly and I'm glad to say I feel alot better today. Nose is still congested a little but I can breathe alot better compared to the start when I was mostly breathing through my mouth. Sore throat's gone as well. There's some lingering cough which I think will clear up on its own soon enough. Voice isn't back to normal yet but getting there. :) 

May I heal fully in the next 2-3 days!!

*crrrack*

On the last day of my 5-day MC.

It was sunny earlier on but now extremely dark and cloudy, with a slight drizzle. I wouldn't even call it a full-fledged rain yet but there was a sudden lightning flash followed by a huge-ass crack of thunder. 

It was strange but I wasn't that surprised by the sudden loud sound. And my immediate thought was actually "I hope the girls are ok in their schools and didn't get a shock." 

Wish I could give them a hug and tell them that it's ok, it's just thunder...and Mama loves you...

4th time back in office since March 2020

Been in office since 9am this morning. It's 3-plus now. 

I feel exhausted already. Many things going on this morning and I had to speak to various people in person. (2 colleagues and 1 IT support guy). Not interacting in person for a whole year has made me even more "anti-social" lol....Talking F2F for long periods makes me tired...

I want to hide in my corner and be quiet...and do my own things....lol.

Reminder

This week has been strange for me. 

Fatigued, lembeh, stomach cramps here and there, bloatedness, grogginess, difficulty concentrating sometimes, calves aching sometimes...

Taking things slowly now...

I think the symptoms are there...some of them are what I felt back in early/mid 2019. 

Need to manage myself better...

要记得， 不能再让自己进入那年的状态....

Borders, cut-offs, delineations.....

Either that or my hormones are acting up alot this time round before my cycle arrives....

Weird dream

I had a dream. A weird one. 

I dreamt I was recently hired by Tan Jian Hao, the Singaporean Youtuber. For some reason, he owned a resort/spa and I was hired as the Operations Manager to help turn it around. It was quite a run-down place and the previous manager obviously didn't do a good job at upkeeping the place. Sand was all over the place; fountains, water features and jacuzzis weren't working as they should; dustballs were all over; rattan furniture pieces were frayed and in need of repair; water in pools were not filtered and recycled but stagnant and a little smelly, etc.

Gosh... haha....what a strange dream...

But even in the dream, I felt a little stressed. 

Body & mind telling me to take things easy? Note to self...and reminder to self...

Star Pupil!

Nadya was conferred the title of Star Pupil for Term 1 for her class. She was given a magnetic badge that could be attached to her attire as well as a certificate!

Needless to say, she was proud and happy. She was skipping around all evening haha. 
We're proud too. :) As are both sets of grandparents haha. 

I asked her what does it take to become a Star Pupil and she rattled off a bunch of traits including: needing to be a responsible and respectful person, helpful and kind to others, etc.

Well done Nadya. Keep it up!

Onwards and upwards!

Loud sounds

I have this thing about loud sounds and noises. I get very scared. 
If I'm given sufficient warning, I can steel myself and I'll be fine. 

I'm not sure how this all started but the earliest incident I know was when I was 8 and at an annual Xmas party at my Uncle's place. I was told I ran out of the house flustered and in tears when they started blasting Xmas carols loudly. I only vaguely remember being in great fear, feeling lost and afraid even though all my relatives were around, and that I couldn't handle it. 

I can handle balloons and/or audio sets. But there are times when my defenses are "weaker" and I get triggered by them. A single balloon near me is enough for the fear to well up deep within me and I need to escape somewhere to do deep breathing to calm myself down. 

The aircon guys are here today to install a new system for the bedrooms, and change the old piping. 

I didn't expect the work to be that loud. The initial drill caught me by surprise. It was the type of drilling where you can feel the vibrations course through your body. I was stuck in the living room with nowhere to go. Could only plug my ears with my earphones. No music was playing though. 

I've managed to tune some of the noise out. I hope to be able to concentrate on my work soon.
Today's an assigned day for policy work....

all the tillies

I'm a proud grandmama.

A week before CNY, 2 tillies bloomed wondrously. 

The single druid - the "pineapple" I've had for the last few years which I brought home from office - gave no warning and turned yellowish for 2-3 days and then voila, out popped 3 long white flowers. The girls were excited haha. It has since sprung out 2 pups and I'm looking after both mother and pups with care now. :)

The ionantha clump of 3 I had was a mother with 2 pups. Not sure what species of ionantha this clump is....but when I first got it, both pups were smaller than the mum. They've since grown a lot and are bigger than their mum now. Both pups are now full grown and they bloomed a week before CNY too. They blushed into a nice shade of maroon beautifully and then had 3 long purple flowers each! Each of them now have pups of their own. One has 3 and one has 2. 

Gosh, wait....I just realised...I am a great-grandmama liao...not just a grandmama haha...

The rubra airplant that bloomed a few months back now has a thriving pup...and the pup's blushing slightly...the edges of its leaves are pinkish....so cute...:)

The xerographica's doing well. 

All 3 caput medusaes are doing well, with one of them blushing more than the others. This one had various hues of marron and purple...I wonder if it's going to bloom? If so, it'll be exciting! I've never had a caput medusae bloom before!

The brachycaulos is not doing well though....not sure what to do with it...can only just do the usual and hope it survives....

the heat...the tummy...

Since the weather turned quite warm over last weekend, I've been feeling a little out of sorts. 

Tired, half warm, half cold. 

Leaky and stuffed nose from the sudden change in weather and the dustiness from the next door's extensive renovations. 

Tummy's not doing too good either. Bloated for several days already. It's been manageable so far. Just the sluggishness that comes with it, the upper arm aches and slight breathlessness at times. This morning feels abit worse though. Maybe I'll purge soon, who knows. 

Weight's hovering around 47.5kg these few weeks. I'm happy it went up, even if just slightly. :) 

Reminders to Self

Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be.

 

Keep going! Keep walking! Keep moving!

A step at a time. Slowly but surely. 

Conversations with a 7-yr-old

During dinner...

N: Mama, do you know Steve Jobs?

Me: Yup...

N: Do you know that he quit college?

Me: Yeah I've heard that before...

N: He didn't graduate but he has a good brain and a very good growth mindset. I like it, I think it's good.

Simisai? Where did that come from? 

I probed further and found out that she learnt about Steve Jobs and having a growth mindset to "keep learning things" and "gain knowledge" at her school's morning assembly today. They have 30mins to an hour of assembly every Wednesday morning. 

Wow, they teach these to primary school kids? I can understand if it were for the upper primary kids but this was also shared with the P2 children? Wah....

......

Strange. After I took over, there's a sustained increase in weird cases and situations. Even situations that no one has ever encountered before in the 20-odd years that my department's been in existence. Zzzzz...even my staff attested to this....

From court orders served from the US, to an appeal case from a local entity, to phishing complaints and law enforcement agencies knocking on my door......to contracted parties pulling rubbish scenarios on us and other contracted parties giving us other operational headaches......

I hope these taper off soon...laoniang is quite tired...physically and mentally...

Jiayou....

Jiayou...

Jiayou...