Jiayou.

Let's see if Big Auntie comes to visit in the next 1-2 days. 

Getting emotional & frustrated and I just want to cry at anything & everything. 

This seems to be an indicator in the last 6 months or a year maybe? Don't think I had this as my pre-menses symptom last time. 

• Staff A every other day texting and asking to WFH cos son sick, daughter got issue, auntie sick, washing machine spoil...and every other day making mistakes on the job...
• Staff B asking to continue WFH on a longer-term basis cos left knee meniscus tear, right knee ligament torn...but refusing to go for surgery and seeking alternative treatment like seeing religious teachers/healers and going for massage. 
• Staff C happily on holiday now and going on maternity leave from Jan onwards.
• Staff D keeps updating me on various things but does not communicate properly and technically I am not her reporting officer also.
• Officer from Ministry just gave me snide remark...sigh. 
• Hair fall issue...
• Kid still giving me attitude form time to time though we're both trying to accommodate each other more and better these days...

Just take deep breaths.

And keep moving.

Even if it's a slow step at a time. 

Jiayou Michelle

Peanut

We had Mac for dinner today. 

Alyssa polished off an entire Double Cheeseburger on her own. With some fries and iced lemon tea as well. 

She's 8. I'm 43. 

She can eat more than me when it comes to burgers. 

(0_0)

I dunno which little corner of her stomach did that burger disappear into also...lost the abyss haha....

Our Little Peanut is not so little anymore. 

Hair

At this point, I think I'd rather have white hair than hair fall....

Hair fall situation is still bad. Good thing is blood tests show I don't have any thyroid issue or anaemia. Just that some readings may be on the lower end, but still within the normal range for a lady of my age. 

Doc thinks it is due to the hair's natural growth cycle and/or maybe stress. K & I read online tat some people experience this 2-3 months after getting Covid. 

I've embarked on a hair fall treatment based on an OTC product recommended by the doctor. It used to be only available at clinics till recent years when it was approved to be sold over the counter. I hope this works. 

It is distressing seeing large amounts of hair drop whenever I bathe, comb my hair after bathing, or comb my hair after a night's sleep. 

:( 

My hair is important to me...it's been something I love and am proud of since my teens...

Fingers crossed this is a temporary phenomenon and that it stops soon. 

Here fishy fishy

Just realised that we went from having salmon at least once a week. 

To not having had any salmon at all for the last 4 months, ever since we let go of the helper and hardly did any cooking at home. 

Laoniang wants her omega 3 and healthy fats....lol 

Dance Mama

Nadya started having her ballet competitions around 2-3years back. A few months back I jotted down all of these competitions and her placings in the various categories in a little note on my phone. 

I should transpose them into a nice little excel file. 

It'll be a nice record of her competitions and achievements. 

Who knows, if she's really going to do DSA, this list will definitely come in handy. 

Ang Moh

I took a read of some posts from 10years ago. 

And it hit me. 

The longer I am in the working world, the worse my English gets. 

I can't say that I wrote beautifully last time, but I think I expressed my thoughts alot better than what I am doing today. Or am I losing touch with the sentimental side of myself? 

*horrors*

Dating Shows

I think...I am addicted to Korean and Chinese dating shows...

Part of me enjoys the heart-fluttering moments they sometimes bring to me. Part of me enjoys the Chinese that I get to listen to and "learn" sub-consciously. 

Catching both Heart Signal Season 4 (Korean) and Heart Signal 6 (Chinese) concurrently now haha...

And why all these people so hamsum and pweety one...and all so smart one...
Either double degrees or masters or undertaking PHD research...doctors, lawyers, finance folks, etc...
Nvm...their countries are alot bigger...can find more of such folks around haha...

可以的。

Past 2-3 weeks. Feeling fatigued. Stomach also not doing too good. 

Unsure how much of it is due to the stomach, or menses, or anxiety or not sleeping earlier. Or they are all feeding into and off each other in an undesirable cycle. 

Chin up. Head up. 

Jiayou. 

可以的。

Hair

Since around early Aug, I started to experience hairfall in amounts that are getting me quite worried. 

Everytime I wash my hair, hair falls out...I dunno...50-60-70-80 strands? And the state of my hairbrush after I brush my hair after showering...it's making me quite worried too. 

I hope this is just a phase and it will be over soon. 

Saw an article mentioning some people experiencing this around 2-3 months after getting Covid. I hope this is the cause and it's just temporary.

Fingers crossed...

Balance

Struggling to find balance in this unbalanced world.

• work & family
• me-time to do certain things vs rest & sleep
• wanting to do more but lacking time, energy, motivation
• empathy & compassion vs needing to keep things going in the team
• objectivity vs bias when dealing with some people
• patience vs firmness with the girls
• wanting to eat everything vs taking care of a friggin sensitive stomach
• work vs no work or PT work
• headspace, mindspace, physical space
• building and doing vs dreaming
• cabbing vs bussing
• buy vs save
• and...the list....goes on....

22 Jul 2023

时间过得真快， 11年了！ 

Thank you sayang...:) 

ooof...

Emo + self-bashing mode seems to be on. 

Ok, means 大姨妈 coming soon I think....

The older I get, the more emo I become when the cycle draws nearer. 

Today's Teachings from a Buddhist Monk on YouTube

3 things to give up in life:

1    Give up excuses – embrace your responsibility and face your fears

2.      Give up toxic habits – because we become what we repeatedly do

3.      Give up fear of failure – because success is not final and failure is not fatal

Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs

Self-actualisation – desire to become the most that one can be, morality, creativity,

Esteem – respect, self-esteem, status, recognition, strength, freedom

Love & belonging – friendship, intimacy, family, sense of connection

Safety – personal security, employment, resources, health, property

Physiological – air, water, food, shelter, sleep, clothing, reproduction

I'm on Facebook alot less the last few years. Maybe it's to keep my mental well-being a bit better. On the occasions I’m in, I sometimes end up wondering why folks seem to be well-established in their lower tiers and moving on to their higher tiers.

I feel I’m stagnant in the low/mid-tiers and still focusing on some of my needs in those tiers. 

Yup, I know that it’s not an absolute movement from one tier up to the next and things tend to be more fluid where people move up, down and in-between tiers. And yup, I know I should just focus on myself and my own pace as each person has his or her own path.

Reminders to self.

Just keep working on things, keep working on yourself, keep going. 

Kaizen - little improvements, bit by bit...

Chin up.

Feeling a little lost at work. Feel like as if I am not putting in my best. Sometimes 有心无力.

Uncertainty and self-doubt is ever present and creeps up from time to time. Quite self-limiting when it happens. There are better days when it ebbs and I feel more confident of myself, and the things I do. 

Just have to keep walking. Chin up. 

Tongue Drum

My steel tongue drum has arrived.
Or tongue pan or tank drum...this instrument seems to have many names. 

Bought a small one to try. 6-inch with 11 tones.
Not fully sure how to use it yet for meditation sessions but will slowly explore. Think I need to check out Youtube haha.

It's still in the box. Will open it tonight after the girls are asleep. Don't want them fiddling around with it just yet. :) 

Dance!

 Nadya had her ballet competitions on 5, 7 & 9 June. It was fun & tiring in a way for her. Also for the rest of us too. Alyssa who had to tag along with us. K who had to ferry us. And me, who had to settle her makeup and pack her costumes, etc. 

Happy for her that she got placed this year. 

1. Beginner Solo - 5th (Fairy Doll variation)
2. 9 & U - 4th (Candide fairy variation)
3. 10 & U - 5th (Candide fairy variation)

There are other upcoming competitions in July & August. May she do well in those too!

========================

Other things a dance mum has on her plate:

• hand wash all leotards, leggings and any other inner pieces 
• remind her to air out her shoes 
• hand sew all ribbons & elastic bands on her pointe shoes (including figuring things out from Youtube lol) 
• buying dance shoe bags
• sorting out all hair-related accessories like u-pins, bobby pins, hair clips, hair gel, hair spray, hair nets, etc

If/When Peanut starts any competitive gymnastics next time, I think the same things need to be done too haha. 

I...Don't...Know....

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference 

I'd always told others I'd probably end up retiring in this organisation. 

But in recent weeks and months, that thought may have changed. 

Seeds of doubt have grown. 

And even more recently...and alarmingly...thoughts of quitting have sprung up as well. 

Never happened in my 15.5yrs here, except 4yrs ago when I was contemplating taking a few months break to work on my mental health. 

Starting to feel more and more inadequate and un-knowledgeable and lacking. 

Starting to wonder what the hell am I doing? and why? and how? 

Starting to wonder if I am up for more changes coming our way? 

Starting to wonder if I am better off doing an administrative or operational role with no supervisory or policy-related work. 

Mid-life crisis?

==========

Side note: 

Many %$%$$#Q things in both personal and work life ever since TY officially came onboard on 1 April. Did he really change the fengshui that much? It's not just me who has said this...even SP feels so...

This too shall pass

11 May - Alyssa tested C+ in the morning. I isolated myself in my room with her. It's an SOP already since Nadya had it in Feb 2022 and I looked after her in my room as well. I spent 8 days in the room last year with Nadya and miraculously didn't catch the virus from her .

12 May - Night. I didn't feel good but was still -ve. 

13 May - 5am. Was running a fever liao and I tested +ve. So after siamming the thing for 3 years +, I finally got it. Went to see the doc in the morning to get meds. There is apparently no official protocol anymore. Doc said if one feels fine with no fever, one can go anywhere even if C+. NO wonder numbers are sky-high...cos there are tons of C+ folks walking around outside...and probbaly half of them are not wearing masks also. zzz. 

14 May - Spent Mothers' Day cooped up in the room. Throat was hurting quite abit, cough was quite irritating too. And then...Nadya tested +ve in the evening. So now there were 2 monkeys in my room. K being the last man standing had the rest of the house to himself. And he was quite busy looking after us and the house and doing the laundry and chores and getting our meals settled. 

17 May - Last man down liao. K tested +ve as well. 

18 May - Nadya only had fever for a day and was more or less ok by Tuesday. Maybe it was her 2nd time so her symptoms were quite mild. We checked with her teacher who allowed her to go back to school today. Alyssa was supposed to go back to school today but was experiencing nausea. 

19 May - I went to the doc a 2nd time. I was having nausea too. And then diarrhoea in the afternoon. Doc said I migh tbe dehydrated and had to drink alot of water to clear the virus out from the intestines...

I hope Alyssa, myself & K recover fully soon....Today is Day 7 for me and I'm still +ve...I've not checked with Alyssa yet...maybe later this evening....

Helper-less

We've been officially without a helper for 9 days. Cancelled the work permit already. 

It's been a period of adjustment. K & I have been taking stock of things...in the first 2-3 days, we threw away a whole bunch of items which were either spoilt, or in a bad state, but which were not brought to our attention. I've to admit that I did not check as well. Brushes, brooms, mops, pails, pegs, cloths, pans, ladles and mattresses and some bedlinen were all thrown out.

New ones were bought. K did a deep clean of both bathrooms, and has been doing daily cleaning of the bathrooms as well...and alot of laundry and dry & wet-mopping of the floor. 辛苦他了...

I've been doing the little things...the nitty gritty, the little bits and pieces...all the hidden areas that no one "remembers".....including wall skirting and other floor corners that can't be reached by the dry/wet mops, door rails, top of mirrors/shelves/fridge, inside the washing machine, below the fridge, inside the dustbins, top of railings, etc...Not sure how long these areas have not been cleaned but they were so dirty & dusty till I had to throw away a rag. Still not done with these areas...more to come...also the clearing of old clothes, etc.

It's a constant work-in-progress so I need to remind myself too that things cannot be done in a single weekend. 

The girls have started their "training" lol. Happy to say Alyssa is adept at sweeping the kitchen floor (it's a tiny area anyway)....Nadya is pretty alright using the dry mop and can wash the plastic dishes well enough. She'll progress to washing the ceramic dishes in time to come...

I think....I am quite tired...but I am content and I am happy.