Little Baby

CNY celebration in her school today. 

Her class was supposed to put up a number. A CNY song complete with accompanying hand actions. She was sitting with me when her class' turn came and a Chinese teacher plucked her out from my arms and brought her to the front of the large room where all teachers, parents and children were gathered. 

She was clingy today and promptly burst into tears. I had to sit with her in the front of the room. Thankfully some of her other classmates insisted that their parents say with them too so I was not the only adult there. 

Even though I was with her, she still refused to sing, let alone do the hand actions. 

She withdraws in front of strangers. She withdraws even more in front of a small group. And today's group was much larger than usual and noisier as well. She was frightened out of her wits I think. She kept clinging to me, sat on my lap and did not want to budge. 

My dear daughter...I know. Mama hates crowds too and doesn't really like performing in front of one. 

But hey, Mama did eventually participate in a dance performance item in front of the entire school. At the age of 17. It takes time and some effort. Jiayou ok...:) Dada and Mama are behind you all the way! 

Toe-smacking goodness

She just discovered her toes yesterday. :) 

Milky business

I took a massive amount of antibiotics for my dental appointment on 21 Jan last week and was advised to stop breastfeeding the baby for a whole week.

Anyway I had at least 25 packets of milk in the freezer that was enough to feed her for the week. I just resumed feeding her my milk again today, after pumping and dumping for the entire week. 

I calculated how much I pumped and dumped and my jaw dropped. 

I threw away 4 litres of my milk. 

Two things stood out. 

1) I threw that much milk away?! Gosh that's like 4 cartons of milk leh!! Heart pain lor....:( So wasted...mega sayang!! Sigh....

2) Omg you mean I am producing that amount of milk in a single week? 4L in 7 days? Whoa...I never knew because I never thought to measure or do a calculation. Plus this is when I am trying to wean her off and start her on formula milk somemore. Imagine last time when she was fully on my milk, I think I was producing more..possibly up to 5L in a week. Wow...

The Flying K

And so it has started. 

From today, K will be traveling once a week for the next 4 weeks. For 2-3 days each time. 

Praying for safe travels. 

And praying for a cooperative time from the two sisters. 

Peranakan Makan part 2

We were reminiscing this morning, my parents and I.

Of food that my granny used to make. 

Cincalok

Acar

Bee Hoon Titek

Fermented Rice

Her special Sambal

Her own potato chips

Yellow Rice

And the list goes on....

Peranakan Makan

Every year, just before CNY arrives, I would spend either a Saturday or a Sunday morning with my parents, slaving away in their kitchen to make buah keluak for CNY. This tradition has not stopped even though I moved out almost 4 years ago. 

I'm not sure when this started but it has become a given such that we would book the date way in advance. Like in December or November the previous year lol. 

K helped out last year and this year as well. This year, it was because I had to look after Peanut whom we brought over to my parents place as well. She was fussing and I had to tend to her and so K took over some of my cooking duties. :) 

Rudeness

I had someone send me a message through Whatsapp. He asked for my opinion on which design to choose for his corporate brochure as well as for my feedback, if any, on the designs available.  

I gave him my choice and provided him some simple feedback. And thereafter there was zero response from him. 

Like wtf? I took my time to help you evaluate and then there was no response? Not even a thank you? How rude can you be? And no, you are obviously not that busy if you have the time to type out a 300-word FB status. 

Why ask me in the first place if you are not keen or sincere enough to respond?

Simian lines

Suddenly wish that I knew someone with knowledge of palmistry. 

Why?

Because both my daughters are born with their head and heart lines joined together to form a deep single line on their left palms. And that line runs from edge to edge. 

Big coincidence I think. 

Because I know no one who has this, except for an uncle of mine. He happens to have both heart and head lines joined together to form a single line, on both palms. A fortune teller my maternal grandmother went to said that my uncle would have good fortune and luck. 

But if this phenomenon only appears on the left palm? Then what?

A quick search on Google told me that such lines are called Simian lines. They indicate great intensity but also a tendency to rush into things without thinking clearly or thoroughly enough. Folks with these lines apparently do achieve more than others but they also face more obstacles and misfortunes in their journey in life. 

Wish someone could read their palms for me and tell me what my girls will be like next time. 

But then again...que sera sera?

Little Baby's Assignment

And so Little Baby isn't so little anymore. She just received her first piece of "homework" yesterday. 

A white glove that she, together with a parent, is supposed to get creative with. We could colour, paint, embellish or dye the glove. 

I couldn't hold her attention long enough and we ended up just emblazoning the glove with multiple colours from her marker pens. Maybe we can do more tonight. Like stick some paper hearts on it or something. 

P/s: we're supposed to submit the decorated glove back to her teacher on Monday together with a family photo so that she can do a show-n-tell. 

Wahrau, I is noob!! Show what tell what ah??!! And we are supposed to practice with her I think. The instructions given by the teacher weren't very clear. :(

"This ish my mama, this ish my dada, this ish my meimei." Is it??

Pong Tau Hu

It's been a long while since I cooked something Peranakan. 

Well technically, I didn't cook this Pong Tau Hu soup today. But I gave detailed instructions to my helper lol. And popped by the kitchen from time to time to guide her along. What to do? Either one of us has to look after the baby. 

Turned out a little oilier than I wanted (helper has a heavy hand for oil) but the taste is pretty much there. 

What I would like to say

(Long long long post...)

To my 8-year-old self:

Sweetie, it is very rude to tell someone else "Byebye fat pig!". Even if that other person is really on the heavier end of the weighing scale. You have much to learn about respect, diplomacy, good behavior and social etiquette. And, you totally embarrassed your parents when you said that to their friends' kid. Be nice. Treat others the way you would want to be treated. 

To my 12-year-old self:

Stop comparing yourself with others. All girls develop differently and to each their own pace. You are unique and beautiful in your own way. Don't worry about being left on the shelf too, the boys will come next time....trust me.

To my 15-year-old self:

Rock on! Stay cheerful! Continue nurturing and developing those friendships of yours for they will turn out to be some of the best ones you will ever have. 

To my 16-year-old self:

It is okay to have some healthy competition amongst your peers in school. Just don't make it an all-consuming goal to best every single one of them in each test or exam. It burns you out way too quickly. There are still many years ahead of you, both in terms of schooling and then working. 

Pace yourself and learn to take it easy sometimes. Scoring a mark less than that other brainy girl is no biggie, save for the fact that your ego took a slight knock. And so what if you were the only student in the whole school to get an A1 for English Literature or if you were the top O-level student in your school for your cohort? It means little when you go out to work in the future. Really, it doesn't mean a thing. 

To my 17-year-old self:

Like I said. Learn to take it easy. Slow down. Smell the roses. Don't put too much pressure on yourself and don't have such high expectations of yourself. Don't put too many things on your plate either. It really does burn you out. Nobody is asking you to be top-notch at everything from studies to ECA. Your parents aren't even telling you to. Taking the anti-depressant Xanax for 2 weeks is fine. It wouldn't be good at all if you needed to take it for months or years. 

To my 19-year old self:

Enjoy the freedom doll. But bear in mind too that you need to be responsible for your actions. Don't lose focus. Getting the first Ds in your life was a sound wake-up call, right? Enjoy all the hostel activities but erm, do remember that all suppers eventually end up on your waist, thighs and hips. And well, I told you the boys would come. Choose wisely. Years spent and lost with the wrong person by your side would never be regained. 

To my 22-year-old self:

It is okay to not know what you want. It is okay to be lost and unsure of what you want your career to be. Go forth and explore but at the same time, don't shortchange yourself. And, don't be too naive. 

To my 24-year-old self:

Use your youth wisely. It is one of your biggest asset so don't squander it away. Sure, spend your days having fun and enjoying life but also, do spend some time enriching yourself and learning new things. In business and at work, treat others with respect. You'll earn theirs too. 

And, your parents might be a pain in the ass but that is because they've been through life and they sometimes really do know better.

To my 25-year-old self:

Life throws you major curveballs sometimes. You'll have to learn to live with it. Surround yourself with friends who love and support you. They make a difference to how wonderful your life can be. Plus sometimes you need their help to manage those damned curveballs. And, your parents, however callous or overbearing or naggy or argumentative they might be, really just love you to bits. That's just the way they show it. Love them back with equal ferocity, if not more.

To my 27-year-old self:

Everyone changes. Everyone has a different side to them. And everyone makes mistakes. If some of these people happen to be your closest friends, learn to accept their failings and more importantly, learn from their misjudgements. For those who are willing to change, be there for them. It may seem like there is no sanctity in marriage or relationships anymore but for every bad situation you come across, know that there are at least 20 other good ones.

To my 28-year-old self:

Remember again that life throws you curveballs. Sometimes it cuts deep and breaks your heart into a million shards. But that is so that you can heal again and be reborn as a stronger and wiser person. Go easy on the drinks by now. You're not as young as you used to be and your stomach is not as strong as it used to be. 4 small bottles of beer every Friday night for a year and more seems of little significance but trust me, cut down on the drinks and your health and stomach will be thankful later on in life. 

Embrace the opportunities given to you at work. Embrace the travel opportunities as well. Learn and experience things. It helps your mind grow. 

To my 29-year-old self:

Rejuvenation and recalibration sometimes go hand in hand. Be brave and open new doors. Be open and love again. Be courageous. Yes and keep up with the exercise.  Your body will thank you for it.  Feed your brain with new things too so it doesn't stagnate. Work hard, but do take a step back to smell the roses and play a little as well. 

To my 32-year-old self:

Live and let live. Sometimes taking a step back works better for the good of the whole situation. Changes may be for the better. They definitely test your limits and adaptability and they definitely give you an opportunity to learn and grow. 

To my 33-year-old self:

Don't worry. You are doing just fine. Yes, you may feel the need to step up but bear in mind too that motherhood is a learning journey. No one knows what to do immediately when they become a mother. Do take care of yourself too. When you are fine and well, you can then care for your little one in your biggest capacity. Oh, and I bet you didn't know your heart could be filled with so much love, right? 

Toothy affair

Glad I got it done. One off my to-do list.

I went to the dentist this morning. This appointment had been delayed for a good 20months. Mainly because of my pregnancy and Peanut's birth.

Admittedly, since the latest pregnancy, I've not been brushing my teeth regularly at night. So I am really glad that my teeth are ok except for a small chipped portion which was mended with some filling.

The only downside of this dental appointment is that I need to "pump and throw" my milk for a good 5-6 days after the appointment.

Why so?

Because I have to pop 8 antibiotic pills before each of my dental appointments. Today was no exception. And this is an unwelcome inconvenience due to my mild heart issue. Because of the strong presence of antibiotics in my bloodstream these few days, I need to lay off breastfeeding. Hence the "pump and throw" situation. :( I did a simple calculation. I will be throwing away at least 3 to 4 litres of my milk. Zzzzzz.....

Work

New boss = new pet

Hmm...with the change of guard, this shell has fallen out of favour and is now languishing in neutral territory again. Plus the rest have had 5 extra months to showcase themselves to him, during this period that I am away.

Well, at least I am thankful I am not on hostile ground or banished to some low-lying moor.

This time round, there's been so many changes and things happening during my ML. I hope I can keep up and get my engine back into shape when I go back to work in mid-Feb.

Psyching myself up already. It is less than a month to go....

White!

As far back as I can remember, all my life, I've never owned a white pair of pants or jeans or leggings. 

For 2 reasons:

(1) I thought they made my legs look chunky.

(2) I'm one of the clumsiest persons around and get my clothes dirtied easily. 

It is an irony then that I just bought my first pair of white legging pants, at one of my heaviest weights ever (sans baby). 

Heck it. Mother of 2. If I look chunky then I look chunky. 

It's for CNY, to match a kebaya top I bought. 

P/s: sidetrack, yes we are going Peranakan this year. Meaning it as a surprise for my parents. :) Nadya's got a lovely kebaya top and matching sarong. I'm going without the sarong though, can't move properly in it and it will make tending to 2 kids very challenging haha. Even K has got a batik top. :) Although I couldn't find a kebaya that fits Alyssa, I bought a batik hanky for her to use on that day. At least she will be in on the theme as well :) 

P/p/s: Oh yes, the leggings are from Uniqlo. No, they are not paying me to plug their brand. Though I wouldn't mind if they did. Just so happened that I took the pic without realizing their logo was showing....

The Flipped Peanut

Peanut has finally flipped today :) At the age of 3mths and 3 weeks. Well done baby girl! 

And it was such a coincidence that my mother was at my place today and got to witness this milestone first-hand with me. 

3 generations gathered in one room. When the youngest flipped, the older two clapped their hands in joy and excitement! The youngest one was wondering what happened and decided to bury her head in the bed and try to eat the bedsheet....lol. 

work...

I just cleared some work emails. More like sifted through them and saved the neccessary documents.

There was a particular document I read. I am usually the one handling this work item and someone is covering me for it now that I am away from office.

The document was sub-par. Grammar mistakes, numerous formatting mistakes, typo errors, spelling errors....gosh. And it was submitted to my boss for approval. Like wah lau, it's so unedited and obviously not proof-read.

I debated internally. Whether to amend and spruce up the document or not.
A year ago, I would have undoubtedly said yes. Heck, I wouldn't even be hesitating about it like how I am now.

But right now, my mindset has shifted slightly. Maybe I should just f*ck care. If the immediate boss is seemingly blind to such effort on my part, then why should I stupidly spend time and effort cleaning up the document when it should have already been done by someone else?? I was always doing this for others in the last few years. Maybe it is time I stop molly-coddling them or spoon-feeding them. They have taken me for granted already. "Oh anyway Michelle will edit and proof-read my document so I can just anyhow type now."

And so, I came to the conclusion. I shall not do anything to the document. Especially not while I am on leave.

Principles? Work ethics? Ah f*ck them.
Now that my old boss has left, I am the only grammar and formatting nazi left in the team. Not to my advantage to continue what I have done for the last few years. 

Playtime - Bonding time

I brought Peanut to the park yesterday evening.

Sitting at the playground there, I noticed one thing. There was a disproportionately large number of foreign domestic workers (predominantly Filipinas) who had brought their charges to the playground, compared to parents or grandparents bringing their children or grandchildren for some fun.

I am not sure if this is generally the trend and that I would see the same thing happening at another playground located within an HDB setting.

Or is this just due to the demographics of the area I am living in, where families rely more on domestic helpers than elsewhere.

Whichever it is, I feel a little sad that kids are unable to have fun at the playground with their own parents...sigh.

Mini celebrity?

The blatant stares, the whispers, the sidelong glances, the wide-mouthed gapes, the sneaky furtive looks.

And also the open smiles, the cooing, the mini waves, the cheerful laughter.

I get all these and more whenever I bring Peanut out. Whether it is a walk to the park, at the park, or in a shopping mall, I get all these. 

All because of her hair. :)

Some would talk behind me "Wow look at that baby!" Or "你看你看！她的头发很多leh!" Or "OMG she has so much hair!" Or "Wah, ee eh tao mor jin juay!!"

Some would come up to me and comment on her hair. 

Some would just stare at her like she's some weirdo.

But most would just look at her and smile when they notice I have noticed them.

Lol...my little one, you connect much better with people compared to your elder sister. But even when you are not intentionally looking at others, they are also naturally drawn to you. The people magnet that you are.

Stay cheery and sociable! 

My sleeping beauty

Nothing's more satisfying than having your child fall asleep in your arms so comfortably. It shows that she trusts you too. 

Sleep well my baby...

Long night

Little Baby kept me awake most of the night yesterday. Erm or should I say, for most of the early hours this morning.

She woke at 1am after having slept at 9pm the previous night. She wanted milk. Usually after having milk, she would roll over and fall back to sleep quite immediately. This time round she tossed and turned and whimpered. I tried to pat her to sleep and hummed the usual lullabies I sang for her. It took me a long time to get her back into lala-land. 

She woke again at 2:40am. Barely an hour after I last put her to sleep. Oh come on, another long night? I thought to myself. 

I coaxed and carried, patted and rocked her back to sleep, to no avail. She whined and whimpered and fussed. She complained of pain and discomfort. She told me she wanted to poo and even made grunting sounds while exerting and trying to poo. I told her that it was okay and that she need not force it. She could still poo in the morning. 

She seemed to agree and calmed down. She flipped over away from me. Suddenly she tilted her head, made gagging sounds and before I knew it, she vomitted. Big time. I literally saw her spewing out a torrent of erm...stuff. She "merlioned", in Singlish speak. Two big liquid projectiles. 

I called K for help. When I switched on her room light, the poor girl had half her face covered in vomit. Half of her hair was slicked in slime and vomit as well. Her pillow was wet and hidden under a layer of semi and undigested rice, vegetables, milk and papaya. I thought I saw some fishcake too. Parts of the bed frame, mattress and floor were dirtied as well. 

Not a pretty sight. The smell was rather funky too.

I whisked her off for a bath. K and the helper cleaned up her room. 

By the time I brought her back to the room it was almost 4am. My job was still not done, I still had to put her to bed again. Which was not easy considering she just had a shower that pretty much perked her up and woke her from her slumber. 

I am unsure what time it was when she finally fell asleep. 

But she soon woke again at 630am. Sigh...

Anyway...I just hope she's fine and that her vomitting was only due to indigestion and over-eating..