Happiness

Started crying when I heard Ryan from NOC mention this in a video:

"There was a period of time when I felt guilty to be happy. Like I shouldn't be too happy and I can't be too happy. Because who knows, sadness is just creeping up in the corner. Someone out there will "punish" you for being happy. This happiness and success will not last long and you better be prepared for the bad things that are about to come. 

It was a toxic mentality and it took me a long time to get out of those thoughts. 

A friend reminded me that you should live in the moment and appreciate what you have achieved. Celebrate the small wins. Stop worrying too much about the future or about what might come. Life is a series of ups and downs. That's how life works. Any ups are not meant to last forever anyway so own it and enjoy it when it comes. Just don't keep focusing on the what-ifs and the downs that may come. Because there will still be other ups that will come after those downs.

We deserve to celebrate when a milestone is met or an achievement is reached. And we need to stop constantly looking for the next thing to do or the next achievement to reach because it will never end. And it'll all just get too taxing eventually."

Maybe I cried because it was very authentic. And it resonated with me because sometimes, I have these thoughts too. 

Still learning and trying and reminding myself each day to be thankful and appreciate what I have right now, not to worry too much about what may come and to celebrate victories, however small they might be. Go for it, make things happen.