Woes

Gran is warded again.
I don't know when but there came a point in time when I stopped counting.
Stopped counting the XXth time she was warded.

I started counting sometime in 2006 perhaps.
And I think I stopped sometime end last year when it reached a double digit figure.

This time round, it's...
Water in the lungs
Wheezing
Weak heart

Her mind's going in a certain way.
But then again, sometimes she gives you such a quick retort you take a step back and wonder if she's really losing it actually.
At other times, she gives you such a biting reply you can't find a quick enough comeback.

She spoke very badly of Mum just now. Told Dad & Adrian about it and of course we all agreed to keep Mum out of the loop.
Gran was in a "mind not very well" state when I went to see her just now.

I was alone and I thanked God for it.
She accused Mum of having an affair. Started shouting in bed about how she "saw" Mum going out with other men and sleeping with them.
I asked her. How can you possibly see anything when you're in the Home 24 hours a day?

You don't believe me??? she said. I got a guy to take photos. I saw those photos!!!
If that's not evidence what is?
(You see at times like this, you wonder if her mind's really going or not. It was really a quick comeback answer)

I was embarrassed and indignant at the same time.
When she went on, I had to shout at her to stop.

"Stop it. Enough is enough." I said.
I have never ever spoken in such a tone to Gran before. She finally shut up.
I was suddenly glad the curtains of the bed next door was drawn. At least I didn't have to bear the gaze of others on me.

But I could feel them wondering about this little escapade...

How could she say such things about her daughter-in-law? One who has cared for her all these years? Unflinchingly? Mum could have just let her rot all these years but she didn't.
She took care of her together with Dad...and they both have made various sacrifices on their parts.....
I did not know the prejudice Gran has for Mum was so deep.

To rile about someone even while you're in a senile state of mind.
It goes to show some feelings and pre-set ideas run way too deep in the mind, no?

Sigh. Dad was a little upset when I told him about it. Adrian found it slightly amusing.
I being the witness of it all, felt exasperation, anger, sadness, frustration.

As the Chinese saying goes...One's your palm, the other's the back of your hand.
Sigh...I am angry at Gran but then again, I can't really blame an old lady for being senile at times right?

Sigh.

Argh...

Tired and lethargic the whole day.
Slept for 3 hours in the afternoon.

Don't know why.
Took temperature and my normal temperature of 36.7C did not flash on the thermometer....
It was at 37.0C just now.

I feel warm the whole day. Argh.

Ahboy just called. Sounded tired & xian too.
He's not feeling well today too. Grumpy, tired & sleepy & lethargic.

Hmm...hope we didn't spread anything to each other?

We were still mighty fine when we went for a jog at ECP last evening...
We were still munching on Ben & Jerry's Cheesecake Brownie ice-cream while watching a Korean DVD...

Argh.
I'm tired again. I wanna go sleep.

A Post for Tazzee

Tazzee...
Lol, still mad about running I see....

Saw the Sengkang pool pics!

When's our next beer or noodles session again? lol...

Do take care till we next meet yah...

*grins*

Have You Ever

Felt lonely in a room full of people?
Felt sad and happy at the same time?
Felt like laughing and crying at the same time?

Been trapped in your own skin?
Been curtailed by your own thoughts?
Been restricted by your own actions?

Wished to be stronger?
Wished to be better?
Wished to be cleverer?

Wanted to be somewhere else?
Wanted to do something else?
Wanted to be something else?

Thought that you were meant to be something greater?
Thought that you were not supposed to be doing what you're doing right now?
Thought that you might be better off doing other things?

Imagined?
Hoped?
Prayed?
Asked?
Sought?
Tried?
Contemplated?

Au Cambodge

J'irai au Cambodge dans 4 jours. Je me sens un peu excitant.

Mais d'abord, je dois travailler pour 3 jours....de lundi a mecredi...
Sigh...je ne veux pas voir les patrons.
Je ne veux pas aller mon bureau.

=(

Lol...

Mid Afternoon Tiredness

But....The motivation comes when the day is Friday…!!

And especially when I’ll be seeing the man later this evening…!!

Woot Woot!!

==========
But still a slightly weird tummy though....hmm mm… bleah...

Yesterday - The Beatles

One of the most popular songs by them...

Strawberry Fields Forever - The Beatles

Brit pop and alternative music has been strong since decades ago.

The Verve did a cover of this song too I think.

Adrian & I used to like this song...
He was 22 I think...and I was 17. He'd play it on his hifi in his room and I'd run in to listen only to have him shoo me out cos he said he wanted his PRIVACY hahha...

Please Mr Postman - The Beatles

I love this song....
When I was young I used to sing some parts of it to irritate my mother...lol.

Super retro.
I guess these 4 were the original boy band.

Michelle - The Beatles

What can I say?
Michelle's a common name. But that's cos it's a nice name. Haha lol..
It's been immortalised in many a song...
But I suppose, this is the song which comes to mind the most often...

I used to have a male Malay colleague who sang the chorus to me everytime he saw me or when his mood felt like it...
I have not kept in touch with him for the past 4 years sice I left Ducktours.
But he suddenly popped up in my mind quite a few times over the last few days...

And when he pops up in my mind...this song naturally comes to my mind too.

Paul McCartney was kinda cute when he was younger...

"Sont Les Mots Qui Vont Tres Bien Ensemble, Tres Bien Ensemble"
I finally know...these are the words that follow the phrase "Michelle My Belle"

And the credit goes to....

Xiao Bai~!

A big thank you~! haha...;p
For solving my HTML woes this morning...

Lol...Ok, next time if "li" and "/li" gives problems...
I'll use the "br" function instead....

Hahaa...what an impromptu html tutorial...

Asian Seafood Sensation

Today's cooking session was interesting. Hmm mm...
Taught by Chef Wilfred Fam from the Raffles Courtyard...specialises in seafood.

Starter
Fried Scallop. Sliced and placed all around the plate.
Interspersed with sliced Strawberry, Kiwi & Mango.
Topped with a sauce made up mainly of Plum sauce and finely chopped Lemongrass, Garlic, Lime leaves, Chilli padi and Ginger flower.

Effect?
Sweet, Sour, Slight Saltiness because of the Scallop
Absolutely refreshing & unique!

Main
Plain white rice.
Topped with sliced Shitake, Button and Oyster mushrooms in a white wine and chicken stock sauce.
Accompanies by sauteed diced white onions.
Topped also with pan seared crabmeat lightly coated with butter, salt & pepper.
Surrounded by lightly planched broccoli.
And finally covered with Parmesan and Mozarella cheese which was flame-melted with a hand-held burner.

Effect?
The mushrooms tasted wonderful and blended very well with the buttered crabmeat.
Super aromatic!! The cheese was a little "over-flamed" but nevertheless stil lprovided for a great munch-munch texture.

Dessert
Caramelised Bananas wrapped in a thin crepe
Topped with Vanilla Ice-Cream

Effect?
Am not a fan of bananas so well...nothing great here.
The ice-cream was nice though. Apparently home-made by one of Raffles Hotels' chefs.


And the best thing is...Haha..
The moment I got home, I had a tummyache.
It's 1230am nmow..and my tummy still feels a little weird...
Shit...meeting ahboy tomorrow night...hope my tummy regains its health for tomorrow...:)

GIRL POWER??!!

Chloe said my blog's getting kinda girly & "squealish" these days.. hahah...

No idea why though! Maybe fiddling around with html & trawling the net for html stuff made me discover all these cheesy things hahhaa....

Here's one of the cheesy captions I got off the net...more to come in the coming days!! hahahha lol....

May I Work Harder

It's been a restless boring 2 weeks at work.
There are things pending to be done. I'm sitting on it.
I dunno why. I don't feel like working.

This is bad I know.

I've been blogging during office hours. I've been fiddling with the html during office hours...
And I've been scrabbling ocassionally during office hours.

Gosh, I hope this "season" passes over soon.
I feel so unproductive now...

I feel like..I'm back in LHUB...yikes.....

Natural Highs

I feel happy whenever I see this little monkey...
It's irritatingly cute...On first glance kinda irritating...
Then it grows on you and you can't help but smile when you see the picture.. ahha...

===============

Someone sent the following text to me via Facebook...Makes for some good, light reading.

And at the end of it all, I hope you really do feel better after reading through the list

I know I did! haha...

1. Falling in love.

2. Laughing so hard your face hurts and your sides ache.

3. A hot shower.

4. No lines at the supermarket.
5. A special glance.

6. Getting mail. (Though in SG, this probably means bills.... LOL)

7. Taking a drive on a pretty road.

8. Hearing your favorite song on the radio.

9. Lying in bed listening to the rain outside.

10. Hot towels fresh out of the dryer. (I wonder how many people actually use dryers in SG...)

11. Chocolate milkshake (vanilla or strawberry).

12. A bubble bath.

13. Giggling.

14. A good conversation.

15 The beach

16. Finding a 20 dollar bill in your coat from last winter.
17. Laughing at yourself.

18. Looking into their eyes and knowing they Love you

19 Midnight phone calls that last for hours.

20. Running through sprinklers. (Ok, I know I won't do this though hahha...)

21. Laughing for absolutely no reason at all.

22. Having someone tell you that you're beautiful.

23. Laughing at an inside joke with FRIENDS

25. Accidentally overhearing someone say something nice about you.

26. Waking up and realizing you still have a few hours left to sleep.

27. Your first kiss (either the very first or with a new partner).

28. Making new friends or spending time with old ones.

29. Playing with a new puppy or kitten.

30. Having someone play with your hair.

31. Sweet dreams.

32. Hot chocolate.

33. Road trips with friends.

34. Swinging on swings.

35. Making eye contact with a cute stranger.

36. Making chocolate chip cookies. (hmm, the last I made this was when I was 15!!!)

37. Having your friends send you homemade cookies.

38 Holding hands with someone you care about.

39 Running into an old friend and realizing that some things (good or bad) never change.

40. Watching the expression on someone's face as they open a much desired present from you.

41. Watching the sunrise.

42. Getting out of bed every morning and being grateful for another beautiful day.

43. Knowing that somebody misses you.

44. Getting a hug from someone you care about deeply.

45. Knowing you've done the right thing, no matter what other people think.

ROFL

Lol.
For the life of me.
I can't believe I put up that cheesy hot pink lips on the sidebar...
And it's got hands too...

Hahahhaa.....Lol......:)

Heeeee

Some of these are kinda cute!! haha..

*Ah Mei*

Ok, I broke my promise to myself...
Earlier on, I told myself there would be no more concerts for me this year...

But but but....

I just booked 2 tickets for Zhang Hui Mei's concert on 4th October.
Hiakzzzz....;p

I'll eat grass for the next few weeks/months...

Bo pian, I can't resist...Ahboy's fav......and she's a darn powerful singer!!!
And well errr...I missed all her previous concerts in SG...

So...I'm $300 poorer.

Did I mention I'll eat grass for the next few weeks or months???

Did I mention I'll eat grass for the next few weeks or months till my company pays me back the $3.5K they owe me????

I don't have a pocket anymore..
It's just a gaping hole there!!!......*screams*

THE MAN

It's amazingly irritating how testy a guy can be.

Gosh, it's like as if he's going through his own menses.

15-hour days spent rotting in-camp has left my man testy, irritable, bored, restless, grouchy, frustrated, resigned, pissed...amongst other like feelings...

Today is Day 3 only. There're still 2 more days to go before his reservist ends.

May the Lord grant me strength to be patient with him lol...:)

Ok lah, at least he still calls me at night...wahahha

*beams*

An Insatiable High

Oh, you bring shivers to me

What a splendid feeling it is
To have you in my mouth

To twirl you around my tongue
And touch my lips against you

It is sinful I know
To keep thinking about you

And it is even more sinful
To have bites of you ever so often

Licking you
Brings an insatiable high to me

Spooning you
Brings a delirious high to me







Oh my BJ…I mean B&J
My Ben & Jerry’s Choc Fudge Ice-Cream

You leave me wanting more….
And more…
And more…

Lawyers

I realized lawyers are extremely conversant in English.
They speak fast, speak articulately, think fast and think articulately.
One would think they were born & bred only on English.

I was left flabbergasted when my lawyer started conversing in Mandarin with me. Being equally eloquent, articulate, fast and clear in his speech as he would be if he were speaking in English.

Darn bilingual. I’m embarrassed at my Mandarin at times like this…Gosh...
How can people be so bilingual ah?

stitches of emotions

The NDP song has a nice tune.

But I don't like the singers. A little weak and "out of breath" feeling when I heard them sing...especially the English version...

Stefanie Sun perhaps might have done a better job?
At both the English AND Mandarin versions...

============
I'm flying next Thursday.
The excitement hasn't sunk in yet.

Hmm mm. Weird.

============
Out of steam to blog.
So many things. Too few words in my head.

Think I'll either go watch a DVD or read my book.
I'll feel better than having to contend with a blank mind.

infidelities...

What is it with men and infidelity?

Is it something innate like what shoes and bags are to women?

15-20% of the guys I know (and I am not talking about acquaintances) were not faithful at some point in time or another. Be it with girlfriends or wives.

It doesn't seem like a high proportion when put into percentages. But I guess the reality hits when people you least expect are the ones calling you up and seeking a listening ear.

Some are flings, one-night stands which are oft regretted.
Some are slightly longer-lived but still short-lived.
Some are long-drawn infidelities.
And others are numerous and long-drawn infidelities...

Don't know if I am making any sense here but do men think with their other head more often than the ones on their shoulders?

Should I be alarmed at all?

I asked this before...and I guess I'll ask again...Where's the chastity in marriage?
And for those just in relationships...Where's the faith and loyalty gone?

Hmm mm...
But of course, I don't deny...women are also equally capable of betrayals...

Mini Jog Became a Mini Mini Jog

I run better when I've had a bad pissing day at work..
I don't know why but perhaps the adrenalin through the day and the angst gets me going better when I run...

It was a mish-mash this evening. My breathing was absolutely messy.
I couldn't get it right. Half the time I was struggling to breathe properly and get air into my lungs....There's was no rhythm...
Nothing was in sync...I managed to get it steady after while but in no time it was ragged and messy again.

From the moment I took my first few steps I knew it wasn't gonna be a good session...hmm...

Didn't complete the route today. Gave up halfway when I felt like I was breathing only 1/2 of what oxygen I needed...Walked the rest of the way home...

Xianzz...=(

Hope the next session will be better...Maybe I'll stick to MayDay. Avril Lavigne's rhythm was not suitable...
And Madonna's "Hung Up" album was too fast for a slow steady run...

Ganbatte.....

*WAILS*

XB!!! Wah Lau!!!
Now I am not only immortalised as an auntie on your blog...I am classified as short as well??
Piangzz..*faint*

Clarification!! Not short hor! haha....same height as you..Just that that day I was in flats and your height was artificiallly inflated with heels....

Tsk Tsk. No respect for me...Tsk Tsk...

In Michelle's Dictionary

A mess
...is when people who are supposed to make decisions do not make them.

A confusion
...is when people who are supposed to say more say too little.

A misunderstanding
...is when people who are supposed to say less say too much more.

A frustration
...is when people who are supposed to change things cannot.

A delusion
...is when people who are supposed to see choose not to see.

A chaos
...is when people who are supposed to adhere do not instead.

staccato again

It came as no surprise to me when I asked the 2 young girls if they heard about the Night Festival.
They had blur looks. "What is that?" they asked.

I had that same reaction too when I first heard it from Kelvin Han.

Lol, guess not enough awareness efforts was done?

============
This week has not been good..
Testy, irritable, happy on other occassions, moody on yet other occassions.

The upcoming monthly cycle is really bringing with it huge hormonal changes perhaps.
It's not often I feel so agitated when its drawing near...

staccato

There are things I wanna say and things I dun wanna say.
But tired to list them out.
Tired to mention things.
So I'll just let them be a fragment of my memory.

============
First time in my 28 years of life that I have ever lodged a formal complaint with an organisation over the customer service provided by one of its staff.

For those in the know. That singular SMS caused me quite abit of distress this morning.

Anyway, thanks for hearing my grouses. Felt better as the day wore on.
I still felt upset, but I think it was more due to my moodiness as well.

SMRT Taxis replied to my email, giving an interim answer that they are looking into things.
Oh well.

============
Went to Miss Clarity Cafe at Purvis Street with Angela & xiao bai just now..
Time flies but it's been a year since we last met...Uber fast.

They've grown. Come to think of it, I knew then they were 18 I think...now they're 20. Almost officially a legalised adult...so fast.

The food was alright, my pasta was a little salty but it was a nice get-together...

Angela was still as "sha da jie" haha...damn funny...
Xiao bai is still as ____________...(eh, what do you wwant me to say here ah?? lol...oh yah, you treated me hor? haha lol ok lah..give you face....)

Xiao bai is still as lovely... ahhaha...

And I am still as soft & tender ;p (private joke)

============
Am falling behind on things in work...
Not good not good at all...

Best Before DD-MM-YYYY

Is there an expiry date for friendships?

I'd reply an immediate "no" if you were to ask me this question a few years ago.
If you were to ask me today. My answer is no longer a resounding "no".
It's a "maybe".

Perhaps there really is an expiry date. As the old adage goes.."people come people go".
It's a sure as the sun rises in the morning and sets when night arrives.
Perhaps the one up there allocated each of us a certain number of friends for each chapter of our lives. I dunno.

Leafing through the contacts in my mobile phonebook alone is enough to pay testimony that perhaps some of my friendships have reached or are way past their expiry dates.

Some expired naturally. Others expired prematurely.
And some others have expired through a lack of care and preservation.

It's saddening though. And it's even more saddening when you have tried preserving it, to no avail. You add preservatives now and then, hoping to extend its shelf life but yet, your efforts fail and the expiration still happens. It's a one-sided effort perhaps.

Then there are others which you thought were past their expiry dates. When all of a sudden they are resurrected and found not only to be still edible, but thoroughly palatable to the tastebuds.

And then there's still some which were past expiry dates but regenerate themselves and find you, only for the reason of seeking help. And when help is bestowed upon them. They fade into obscurity again. Saddening. But en meme temp, i.e at the same time, thoroughly pisses me off.

I guess. My preference still lies in the salted fishes of my life.
The well-preserved few lurking around me of which I know there are no expiry dates...
Even if there were, the dates stretch to infinity and beyond...

Pray Tell

I do not know how to broach the subject again.
Pray tell. I hope you are not waiting for me to make the first move.
Because. I don't know how.

It's a niggling dustball on the floor.
And I've been sweeping it under the carpet every other day.
Pray tell. I hope this dustball does not grow into a permanent stick in the mud.

The words are oft on the tip of my tongue.
Pray tell, I hope to roll them off of it but before I can.
Somehow the waves of my cowardice pulls them back into my parched throat.

I do not know the way forward.
Perhaps my mind is not acute enough to find a way around the brick wall.
Pray tell. I hope to find a way soon, to circle it or to climb over.

Pray tell. I hope to have my heart in peace soon.

Am I or Am I Not?

Someone told me I've lost weight since I joined the company.
In the same conversation, someone else told me I've put on weight.

Such differing views. Who should I listen to?

Je ne me sens bien dans ma peau.

Loosely translated to mean...I don't feel good in my own skin.

It's a recurring cadence. A silent dance between my inner and outer self.
For years, finding myself has been an issue..

I feel awkward in my own skin.
In more ways than one, I feel like a gawky teenager trying to find her own feet. Sometimes discovering she might actually have two left feet.

I feel small and uncertain. I feel inadequate and frustrated at not knowing how to proceed.
I feel a lack of in many areas and I feel incongruous. And I feel I've not achieved much in life.

I'm approaching the big Three-O.
Feeling this way at times makes me all the more afraid. I suddenly do not wish to grow up.

Being young or thinking you're younger seems to be a viable reason for feeling inadequate.
Though yes, I know. Thinking that is probably just an excuse to make myself feel better.
Hiding behind that farce of a notion seems to make things a little easier to swallow perhaps.

But then again sometimes, I'd feel wonderful about myself and proud about the things I've done.
The older I get, the more chances I've had of seeing myself in a better light.

A walking paradox haha.

Been trying to love myelf more, trust myself more, and be more proud of myself of what I am and what I've done. Been trying to build up that sense of self-worth and that ubiquitous confidence I see in others.

Hmm. Oh well, jiayou to me.

Je me dit "Jiayou!".

Fry Day

Had dinner with PQ on Friday night...
I was a time-filler cos she was meeting someone else at 9-plus...so well, when Ahboy jio-ed me to BGs house...I gladly accepted.

The usual peeps were there...the guys played MJ...and the ladies occupied themselves with a great invention - the Sony WII.

WII Fit occupied my time..Else I think I would have just fallen asleep on the comfy couch.
Games testing balancing skills, other "aerobics" type of games and even yoga/meditation games..
It was cool.

And it's funny. I miss alcohol.
I miss getting very high. But of course, I don't miss the tummy upset that comes along with it the next day, or the drugged woozy aftermath.

Beaver's

Beaver's
Orientus Resort
Mornington Crescent
(5 mins from Seletar Camp)

=============

It was a nice nice dinner on Saturday...I decided to get away from the crowds.
Suggested to ahboy to take a mini exploration in Seletar and search for this restaurant just off Seletar Camp.

Turned out it wasn't much of an exploration lol. What to do?
The man's a live version of StreetDirectory...

Anyhow, the restaurant turned out to be the under the same chain as the Beaver's in Liang Seah.

He ordered the Beer-Battered Fish & Chips which was gooood.
I ordered the Sirloin Steak which was goooood too!! Haha..
And we had the Wild Mushroom Soup to share...that was wonderful too! haa...

But the most important thing was, there was noone else around when we first arrived...
Such peaceful atmosphere is hard to come by in a bustling city like SG.
Halfway through our meal, some others popped by for dinner as well, but there were still empty seats around...

It was a good dinner. Food was good, company was wonderful.
Nothing too rushed, nothing too stressed.
AND. It felt out of this world.

Let's hope Seletar remains this way.
Dempsey used to be like that. Now it's overcrowded too. Sigh. What a waste.

fragments of the preceding few days...

The older I get...the less significance birthdays bring to me...
I dunno, it just seems like a day in the year. Another day in the calendar..

Hmm mm.

========
Voila...Cambodia is confirmed.
For the first time in my life, I'll be out of SG on the day of it's birthday...

========
Angie is getting registered. Gosh..she's the youngest of our group at 24...

And the general sentiment I could sense amongst some some of us when we received the news was....
"Wah jialat, she's the youngest and she's getting married...Will we get married?" or...
"When will my right one come??"

========
Been eating too much over the last 3 days...think the cycle's coming soon..
Been gorging..

Some more pics of Paris

Their public dustbin... My shower area...

This is the TV which acompanied me in my 9 nights there...

The only English channels were CNN & BBC.....zzzz.......I actually watched CSI in French..wah lau, couldn't understand....

Voila! The bed in my hotel room...super comfy. Only slept on the right side of it though..haha...

Why am I suddenly proud that our home-grown brand Yeo's is on the shelves of some obscure Parisien supermarket in France?

And well, they sell preserved Dow Gay...gosh. Preserved bean sprouts...Wonder how it tastes like...Check out the brand name..Suzi Wan..lol.

Went to the Rodin Museum..Rodin was this famous sculptor who produced this famous sculpture...The Thinker!!

Pity the sun was way up above me...couldn't get a good & clear shot of it.

The Thinker...taken from afar through the window of the 2nd level of the Museum.

This is the mini version of The Thinker.

One which Rodin did as a trial piece before embarking on the actual big piece.

I love horses!
This piece was close to 3m tall at least...or more...

Below the golden dome...lies Napolean Bonaparte's tomb...Place is called Les Invalides

The cross & altar overlooking Napolean Bonaparte's tomb...Notice the gold platings..

And this is Naoplean Bonaparte's tomb...

Squinty eyes cos of the glaring glaring sun!! But having a cup of Ben & Jerry's choclate chip ice-cream mid-way up the Eiffel Tower was definitely an experience! haha... Think I don't look like the usual self here.. haha...Had stares from people when I was taking a self-pic..

Ok boliao me...

Proceedings of an Uneventful Day

Woke, washed, went to work.

Systems testing from 10am till 1230pm.

Lunch in smelly Suntec foodcourt.

Bak Chor Mee.

Went back to office smelling like foodcourt.

Freshened up.

Back to systems testing from 2pm till 630pm.

Cleared work.

Went to Carrefour to buy hairdryer.

Left Suntec at 7-plus.

Walked to Bugis to take MRT home.

Reached home to an empty den.

Parents out at the club for a bout karaoke with their retiree friends.

Cooked pasta to fill own tummy.

Watched 9pm show on Channel 8.

Drooled over Christopher Lee.

Discovered I was still hungry.

Had a bowl of cereal and milk.

Itchy backside.

Ended up too bloated.

Bathed after show ended.

Called baby.

He bad mood.

Didn't talk much.

Blog.

Will fiddle with new hairdryer and put it to use.

Will read storybook.

Will sleep after that.

My drab Thursday.

Taking Stock

Looking at the general goals & guiding principles I set for myself this year, I think I have done an okay job. A good job compared to previous years perhaps.
I think listing non-specific items & having general guiding points is working much much better than having specific to-do or to-achieve items...something which I apparently have been doing for the past many years.

State of Mind – Ok, maybe this is a little status quo..I am still not so creative in terms of work…But my creativity in “suaning” people and talking crap has improved…lol. Assertiveness is so-so hmm mm.

Career – strong working relationships…this is going well with the teammates…positive contributions…a definite yes. Not yet a very strong contributor but good enough for my standards now. Will strive to be better.

Health & Well-Being – Good job…I watch what I eat and I hope I’m eating relatively more healthily than last year..the least is that I am definitely drinking less. Regular jogs, regular stretching/toning at home? Haha…amd I’m going for facials!

Relationships – Relatively good…except for a niggling issue which I have not gotten control of. Keeping in touch with people (maintaining), further developing some (nurturing), brought family out on excursions…and of cos loving ahboy!!

Relatively good 1st half of the year…though it could still be better!
Will strive for a better 2nd half of the year ahead! Jiayou! Jiayou! Jiayou!

F*cked Up Day

I am not in good form today emotionally. Neither was I yesterday.

Been feeling shitty at work lately.

A potent combination of "xian-ness", of boredom, of anxiety, of stress and well, of being lost.

The day started out good with me feeling xian but also in some sort of high spirits as well. All thanks to the run of the night before. I guess the happiness was still awash over me. Enough to mask out some of the crappiness I felt.

Things were ok till after lunch. And then it went downhill from thereon.

Screwed by the boss very possibly in a state of health equivalent to menopause for men.

For something I meant well of and thought was a good thing to do.

He summed up his view in one single sentence manifested in a harsh voice.

"Why you go and do all these STUPID things????"

In all my life. No one has said that the things I have done is stupid.

Not even my parents. Not even my teachers.

And now this old man says I'm doing something stupid.

Well thanks for your inconsistency in instructions as well.

And your mood swings. And your caustic remarks.

I feel like I'm working with a female boss at times.

I've worked for 6 years. Not long, not short either. Not one single boss has said that I did something stupid. I have made mistakes yes, I have made dumb errors. But no one has labelled me stupid, even if by reference.

And no, definitely do not think what I did was stupid, nor was it a mistake.



Would you call putting a cover note on a submission paper you wrote stupid???

Pissed, hurt, sad and angry. I did the only thing I felt like doing. It was disdainful but I was so pissed I couldn't care less. I went to the washroom and bawled.



I have only done that once in my entire working life. And that was in early 2006.

But that was when I found out I had to go for an op.

I leaned against the wall and just cried. Dabbing toilet paper at my eyes...wiping snot dribbling from my nose. A woman crying is never a clean sight.

I only had the toilet bowl for company. And it couldn't quite flush away my hurt and anger.

Ah what the fuck. I went back to my desk red-eyed.

Not sure if anyone noticed. Or maybe they just kept mum. Which is good.

Definitely do not feel like heading to work tomorrow. And I definitely do not want to see him.

I respect him I do. Not as much as last time though.

Not for one who shouts at subordinates, has mood swings and loses his temper at staff ever so often.

I do not think a great boss has such traits.

Artificial Inflation

Of prices

Of heights

Of boobs

2 in 1

It's a first for me...

Last week I think, my Facebook nick read as "Michelle is trying to do 2 in 1"
Daniel asked me what it meant...I told him..you cannot laugh at me..but it means...
"I'm trying to hit 2km in one single shot..i.e. without stopping" haha...

Did that this evening...woohoo!

I think I did 2.1km or so maybe..It's the first time in my life I've run this distance..

I went home feeling elated and strangely energetic haha..
Thought I wasn't in the right mood to jog today..Maybe MayDay did the trick..

I brought the nano along today....and tried a new route..:)

3 in 1 by the end of the year!! Jiayou!!

The Blues

And for those who understand football speak...no I am not talking about Chelsea...

Today is a day which is

- part xian
- part happy
- part sad
- part demoralised
- part okay
- part not okay

............

Is it the weather or just me in general...
Suddenly issues of both work & personal flooded my mind in the afternoon...

Sigh...
Or perhaps it's a bad case of Monday blues.

..............

地球是乐园，要用心去游览。。。

I have always liked this phrase...Snitched off the MSN nick of one of my friends..

Loosely translated in English, it reads as...

"The World is a Playground. Need to Take The Effort to Explore & Have Fun In It"

Something like that... haha. It sounds much nicer in Mandarin...

"Always read something that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it."

~ Patrick J. O'Rourke, American political satirist, journalist, and writer. (1947-)

Just saw this email quote on my company's Intranet homepage and found it hilarious...!!

So The New Paper or The Herald Tribune for you?

lil rants

Having a new colleague around changes the dynamics of things.

And it gets worse when another colleague had bad blood with this new colleague already...

And yes, the other colleagues are slowly giving bad comments too..

Oh no....:(
Such an environment is abit tricky to be in...

============
lil rants before I head to bed...

============
Xiao Bai, when do you wanna date me?

Your choice yah...I am not choosy...
Only thing is, must not be too oily or fried like KFC hahaha!! ;p

============
Been a long time time since I had sweet potato fries..hmm mm...
*gian*

============
I hate it when someone says "Trust me." when emphasising a point.

I dunno. I find it absolutely self-centered.
Then again, it's just my two cents.

============
Eddie my buddy...(hey it rhymes!)
Are you reading this?

Are we on for this Friday for dinner or not?
It's really been ages since i last saw you...more than a year I think!!

============
The shell shall slide into her bed..
Else it'll be a fuzzy wuzzy day again for me tmr...

There are issues I need to settle...
So cannot fuzzy wuzzy.....*bleah*

9 years or 18 strokes??

Which is worse?
9 years jail or 18 strokes of the cane.

We were talking about it during lunch yesterday. It’s weird but the guys generally preferred the caning rather than the jail sentence. And the ladies preferred the jail term.

Perhaps the ladies get more squeamish at the thought of skin splitting open when the rattan lands on it.

Whatever it is…I guess the 20 yr-old boy will have to live with both of the above for the rest of his life. Sigh…

Of Weddings, New Friends, And My Old Friend

The Bored Beginning
The night started out bland, bored, uninteresting and a tad stuffy.

There I was...a stranger sitting at a wedding table full of others whom I don't know.
Most of them were all ang-moh-pai people...a little bit slang, a little bit atas...those 20-something or 30 yr old yuppies who look good, dress well, earn alot and speak well. I felt seriosuly out of place.
Chiewz was supposed to be there but she only touched down at 7-plus and reached home at 815pm.

Herng Hsi...I've only heard about him before but never formally met him.
Tonight when he arrived, he introduced himself to me and said "Chiez asked me to look after you..." haaa..That b*tch actually told him to "jaga" me cos I didn't know anyone else at the table lol...
Turned out he & his gf Cheryl were my saviours...They're really good sports. I had a really good time with them.

The Okay Portions
Chiewz finally made her own grand entrance at 1015pm. Lol. Come on, who comes to a wedding dinner at 1015pm?? ahhaa...
But I was glad to see her. Haha, she made it!
And so there were were, the 4 of us, Herng Hsi, Cheryl, Chiewz & Me who at least knew each other and were talking to each other...

The food was great. Conrad Centennial Hotel..how bad can it be for a hotel who claims its of a 6-star status?

The couple. I only know Kristin the bride. She's still the same as in uni days.
Still as pretty, still as bitchy, still as street-wise, still as smart, eloquent, lovable, worldly, and well, still as booby. Haha ;p Gave her a good hug when we left the dinner...Took a picture together too!..Hope I get to see it man...

It was really nice knowing Herng Hsi & Cheryl as well. Cheryl turned out to be such a sweetie to talk to.. ahha...and yeah, in that short space of 3 hours, we turned out to be gossip kakis. Hahaa...:)
Had a nice time drinking with her.. haha.

The Wonderful Aftermath
Chiewz sent me home. We were talking...just like old times. Like how we used to bunk in each other's rooms back in hostel and chat/bitch/talk away....

She's still the same person I love. She's still the same person whom I could talk my mind with back in school days..
Still the strong, whacky and hilarious person who has been through so much in life.
Been through so many ups and downs but yet still manages to keep that sense of humour about things...Love her for that strength man..

We ended up like a couple haha. She parked downstairs in my carpark...and we just sat in there for 1.5hours...We just talked away...
With her sharing some of her problems and with us talking about some other things...

When was the last time we had such a long and open face-to-face chat/talk? Ages ago I think.
It felt really good. It felt like as if we were two uni undergrads again...sharing with each other our woes, hopes and struggles..

She hugged me before I left the car...It's been ages too since I last hugged a friend. :)
I dunno, it's like as if she brought such a nice, warm touch into my life...
Yesterday I had a gathering with some other hall friends.Thinking back, yes, I'll say it again...some of these people really mean alot to me I guess...

~Love you Love you Love you~

Value-adding...And The Lack Of It.

Reading, proof-reading, understanding, drafting and digesting policy papers....
What is the value-add to my career?

Apart from better English?
And perhaps a slightly better grasp of scenario planning...

I can't think of anything else.
Sigh.

**
Losing steam again for French..though I have pre-paid $500+ for the next 4 months.
What is the value-add to my life?

Apart from being able to order some food in France?
Apart from being able to ask for directions in France?

I can't think of anything else.
Sigh.

**
Playing Scrabulous on Facebook and watching SATC...
What is the value add to my life?

Apart from learning some words which is not found in the normal English dictionary..?
Apart from being able to indulge in a world of self delusion once in awhile...?

I can't think of anything else.
Sigh.

**
Just what am I doing right in my life now?

Apart from trying to maintain a jogging routine...
Apart from trying to maintain healthy eating habits...
Apart from trying to be nice to people...

I can't think of anything else.
Sigh.

Miscellanous Pics Part I

Some say 10 photos a day keeps the doctor away...;p

Voila! Ratatouille is a stewed vegetables dish...

And can be bought at the supermarkets for close to $3 euro a tin.

The Invalides Museum.

12kg worth of gold leaves were used on the dome itself...

Another view of it.

Napolean's tomb sits on the ground right beneath the dome.

He died in 1816 and was later exhumed and reburied here in December 15 1840.

Huge huge baguette for lunch

Fat pigeons...
Bathing in the puddles of water on the streets after a slight drizzle

Eiffel Tower.

But it was too sunny, and the sun was behind the tower...hence the dark gloomy pic...

Eifeel Tower in another angle

Self-taken lol...sunny day...am beginning to think I look quite nice in green ahaha...

Highest point in Paris. The Basillique de Sacre-Coeur Church sits on top of this hill.

Coolest Absolute Vodka bottle I've ever seen...

*yelps*

*runs around like a frantic chicken*

I look older...
More wrinkles..(or are they age spots???)
More freckles...
Bigger eye bags!!

*pulls hair*

Wait, cannot pull too much, been dropping hair too...

*yelps!!!!*

*runs around like a frantic chicken*

Missy J

J was yakking too much today I felt like wringing her neck.

It's really a very trying situation when you're on the phone with your corporate lawyer trying to discuss serious issues and then she's right next to you in her cubicle yakking and gossiping away with another lady colleague, each breaking out in loud guffaws and cackles every few minutes or so.

I mean, she's nice and all, ever friendly and happy and gay.

But sometimes you know, a little restraint and consideration is needed in the office environment.
Hell, actually in any situation.

I bought tons of chocolates for the office folks. HC opened a dark choc Lindt I got for him and ate it in front of J. She gave a comment "Chey, this one can get from NTUC what!!! Eeee!" And then my face showed no expression so she promptly gave a grin and said "Joking lah! I love you babe!"

I could only manage a small grin.

Sometimes she brings me smiles. Sometimes I really feel like throttling her.

Is it normal to feel this way about your next-door-neighbour in office?

Voila..Am Home!

Reached SG at 630am after spending 12h and 30 mins on the plane.

Couldn't really get any sleep and so...I watched about 4 movies.
- 21
- Run Fatboy Run (Some brit humour feel-good show about a loser who makes good)
- Run Papa Run (this Louis Koo show made me tear..)
- Over Her Dead Body (not sure if this was shown in the movies previously or not but Eva Langoria is HOT!!!)

Ate lots of snacks cos there was nothing to do. SQ is really good that they have apples, chips, salmon sandwiches, choc bars for you to munch on.. hehe.
Also watched one CSI episode and two episodes of SATC on the inflight entertainment.
Oh yah, spent some time brbeaking records on the in flight PC games as well....ahaha..

The middle-aged lady next to me had a nose bleed in the middle of the flight. Freaked me out.
Think she was Thai or Viet or Cambodian or something...

Ahboy was there at the airport...whee! =)
He took leave today to be there at the airport and spend part of the day with me haaa...

Been sleeping on and off here and there..
Body clock's abit fuzzy wuzzy now..hmm mm....

Written on 30 June Monday

Ah, my last morning here.

Sitting in the hotel lobby now waiting for my cab to arrive. Had a ham sandwich for breakfast. Packed the last of my stuff into the luggage. I hope I did not bust the luggage limit. It is really very heavy. Think I maximized every single space available in it hahaa….

It’s 30 June now. It’ll be 1st July 7am by the time I touch down in SG….

Till here…