Monday, August 15, 2016

在我的天空



I recently stumbled across an indie rock band from China. 
They're called 南征北战, or NZBZ for short. 

One of their songs <<在我的天空>>, is pretty cool and quirky. What I like most are its lyrics...in particular, this section...

再见我的爱 I Wanna Say Goodbye
再见我的过去 I Want a New Life
再见我的眼泪跌倒和失败
再见那个年少轻狂的时代
再见我的烦恼 不再孤单
再见我的懦弱 不再哭喊
 
Now I wanna say
hello hello 我的未来
hello hello 

在无尽的黑夜
所有都快要毁灭 至少我还有梦
也为你而感动

原来黎明的起点
就在我的心里面 只要我还有梦
就会看到彩虹 在我的天空


and also these lines...


如果没有离别如何学会承受打击
如果没有跌倒如何能够学会爬起



rather meaningful...rather inspiring...
One of the reasons why I like Chinese songs is that the lyrics are often beautifully phrased and form very meaningful and inspiring verses.

Or maybe my Chinese isn't good so that's why I am easily impressed haha.

keyboard warriors

The Internet has spawned numerous keyboard warriors and people who type or comment without thinking through if what they say actually sounds right, correct or isn't hurtful. Worst are those who purposely spread vitriol.

And so, Singapore, through Joseph Schooling, has earned her very fist Olympic gold medal ever.

With it came many articles exalting Joseph and his family and the amount of sacrifices they have had to make to support his dream of being the world's best in swimming.

These are definitely ok and to be expected. Afterall, his winning the coveted gold medal had united a nation....and it is a feat to be honoured and congratulated.

And then there are the other articles and comments....

That he is not a local and questioning his parentage and his parents parentage. Just because his last name isn't the typical Chinese, Malay or Indian-sounding ones doesn't mean he is not Singaporean lah...aiyoh....

And then...I just saw an article comparing him with a foreign talent who had helped Singapore win a silver medal in table tennis 8 years ago. The article hailed him as a hero, a true Singaporean with the passion to succeed. The same article put down that China-born athlete who has subsequently left Singapore to go back to China. The article, while not scathing, not so subtly hinted that she was just here for the money and had no passion for the sport whatsoever. And of course, it mentioned the fact that she was not a local and would not be loyal to Singapore.

Sigh. I give my hats off to these people and to these so called independent alternative news sites. Any opportunity they get, they try to twist it into something political and anti-foreigner, just to fan the anti-establishment and xenophobic flames more.


Friday, August 12, 2016

Conversations with a 34-month old

Last evening, our neighbour gave her a cupcake. I cut it up into pieces.
It was a red velvet cupcake with dotted with chocolate chips within. It was quite nice actually.

Me: Nadya, there's a small piece and a big piece left.
Me: I take the small piece and you take the big piece ok?
N: No mummy. I take the small piece.....

Me: *my heart soars*
N: ....And also the big piece...
Me: Right. -_-''''

LV ah LV...why u so fast kaput??

I got myself a red LV wallet during our second Europe trip back in 2010. That was when I visited K when he was studying in Nice. And I got the wallet from the LV shop there....

It's only been 6 years!! 

And the zip gave way this morning....
Boo. :( 

Ok time to look for an equally small and efficient wallet. 


Nadya

I don't think I've ever felt so helpless and desperate.

Since she turned 9 or 10 months old, Nadya has never been a good sleeper. I consider it very good if she only wakes once a night. And we have had many very good nights so far. 

In recent weeks though, she's taken to waking at least 2-3 or even 3-4 times a night. This started when she fell sick. She was also cranky and irritable during the day. The PD attributed it to her taking a new type of medication (Fedac). He switched it out to a different medicine. 

I also spoke to her teacher in her childcare to find out if there was any underlying cause for her crankiness, besides her sickness. There was nothing. 

Her day-time crankiness abated after a week plus. But the bad nights continued. She would wake fussing and crying and sometimes seemed inconsolable. 

We checked the Net and found out that it could be due to night terrors. There was no cure for it except to "wait it out" and that the child would "grow out of it". 

It has been 3 weeks already, at least. 

She's now perfectly fine during he day but in the middle of the night, she morphs into a small monster. 

There has been a lot of frustration for me, mainly because she only wants me to be with her and rejects K at night. She insists on me sleeping with her in her room as well. Woe is me because there is only that much space on a foldable mattress on the floor. Anyone who has ever slept with a toddler next to them will attest to how capable that toddler is of pushing them off the mattress. It gets rather trying as well when you get a kicking thrashing toddler next to you who can't calm down and tell you exactly what is wrong. I've lost count of the number of kicks I've received already. 

Now, since 3-4 days ago, whenever she wakes at night, she is still fussing and crying and kicking badly. But she has also started to complain of pain in her right lower arm (from the elbow onwards) and in her right leg (from the knee onwards).

It is 1am now. She has woken 2 times since she fell asleep at 930pm. She just complained of pain in those areas again and also in her left ankle. I had to alternate between threatening and carrying and scolding and cuddling her. 

In the end, I had to massage her limbs, those which were apparently painful. And I massaged her for some 10-15mins till she fell asleep. 

K says its child rheumatism. And that he had it when he was young as well. 

I hope it's not. 

And I am desperate for a solution as well. 

I've been trying to function on an average of 4 to 5hrs of sleep each night. 4 to 5 hours cobbled together, and not in one single sitting. 

It's affecting my mood and my brain function. I even spelt my own name wrongly on a piece of form I had to fill in. (Yes, like wtf??) 

I hope to find a solution soon...and at least find out if she's medically ok or not....

Thursday, August 11, 2016

Stay strong my baby girl....

Peanut had fever on National Day afternoon...She's still at home today (with the helper) but I'm back at work already.

My body may be in office. But my mind is at home with her....

Brought her to KK yesterday morning just in case. A previous ENT doctor said 2 weeks ago that she had middle ear infection and liquid in her ears so I thought bringing her to KK would be better...just in case.

My poor baby, please get well soon...Please fight off all the bad germs and whatever is bugging you. 
You've been falling sick so often that Mama's childcare leave of 10 days this year has all been used up in 4 months.

Stay strong ok? Be strong ok?

*worried*

sigh

sigh

sigh........

Monday, August 08, 2016

Reading

I'm glad our persistence and consistent routine paid off.

Even when I tell Nadya that it's late and she needs to sleep, she would still insist on reading at least one book before going to bed. Whether she's just trying to buy time and fight off having to sleep, or she's genuinely wanting to read, I don't really know to be honest. But I choose to believe she really like reading. :)

I hope the younger one catches on this in time to come...

Thursday, August 04, 2016

Peanut...my lovely girl...

I had to hold her down again while she had a nose scope done.
So poor thing. She was terrified. The moment I lay her down on the patient chair she started screaming. And she was still screaming when we had to wrap her up tightly in a blanket so she couldn't move. Imagine how she must have felt...

Sigh...I'm very sorry you had to go through it sayang....Mama felt sad too...

And now what I'm hearing from the ENT doctor is that she may be having a food allergy. After 2 weeks on antibiotics, her sinus infection (if it was a pure infection) should have cleared up pretty well...and her middle ear infection and liquid build-up should clear up too.

Unfortunately, they don't seem to be clearing up that well. And the specialist said it only meant that she was probably having a food allergy. To what? We don't know but a common cause is milk.

He advised us to cut out her formula milk and replace it with soy-based formula milk instead.

Sigh. Why like that ah...
Peanut...stay strong ok...Dada and Mama are with you.
Stay strong and happy...and as healthy as you can be....

Dada and Mama love you alot...

Another baby is coming!!

I'm happy and excited beyond measure. 

2 good friends of mine have been trying for a child for the last 7 years. They've finally succeeded and their tiny one is already 17 weeks!! Due in Jan next year...

And I must say. My dreams are damn zun. I dreamt of a friend being pregnant back in June 2014. She really turned out to be pregnant. 

2 days ago I dreamt that these 2 good friends of mine were discussing money matters with each other and were also discussing whether to buy baby clothes now or wait till later. I remember waking up and thinking "eh??!!" Lol. 

Then he texted me today to ask for confinement lady contact! 

Hahahah so zun lah. If only I can dream of 4D numbers :) 

Monday, August 01, 2016

Taxi drivers....

It helps to know your route and how to get from place to place. 

There are honest drivers and there are some dishonest drivers. 

Just met one who suggested a route which would have probably been 2 times longer in distance than usual. 

I gave him the benefit of doubt and described the route that I wanted him to use. To my surprise, he knew what I was talking about and could even finish off my sentence for me. 

Oh well, maybe he really did forget that there was this shorter route available...

On MC today

Both to rest and recuperate from my cough (which I got from Nadya). 

And to get some peace. 
I am one who needs a lot of alone time to decompress and feel sane. With kids, that's hardly possible. Unless I'm on MC or on leave. 

Spent the morning clearing some work which had deadlines (erm yeah, today was the deadline haha). 

Having lunch now. Maggi mee with veg and sausages. Not the most healthy but I'm making do and besides, it's comfort food. :) 

Oh yes, and am attempting a whole single page meshing together different Zentangle patterns. My mind's not as creative as I hoped it would be...and I'm taking quite awhile to complete it...

But for now, I am content to just sit here alone. With quiet surrounding me.

 

Zentangles

Recent artworks that I was practicing based off other designs from the Net. 





Sunday, July 31, 2016

Conversations with a 33-month old

We were in the car. The radio was on.

N: Mama! This is Class 95!
Me: Wow you know?
N: Ya, the best mix of music! (Their slogan)

===============
At some random location.

N: You need password to get on the plane you know?
Me: You mean a passport?
N: Noooo, password. 

===============
In the car again. 

K: Can I tickle your feet later?
N: No.
K: Why?
N: Because I don't want to get germs. 

Lol lol lol. 

Friday, July 29, 2016

GGMP again

God grant me patience again...

Nadya. 3-4 meltdowns each day in as many days.
Say a wrong thing and she goes into instant meltdown. INSTANT. Within a minute she would be kicking and screaming on the floor. Sometimes it's just 20seconds.

She wakes in the middle of the night like that as well.

And it only started since this week. The only time she was ever this hard to manage was when I was pregnant with Alyssa.

No, I am not pregnant now....so ......what's happening with my firstborn??

Desperate for answers.

I was so frustrated last night after getting kicked and pushed by her several times that I ended up crying.

Thursday, July 28, 2016

Argh

An average of 2-3 meltdowns each day for the last 3-4 days. What the hell is happening? I hope she's ok.

I'm losing a lot of patience. A lot. 

And, I can feel myself falling sick. My throat is aching like shit already. Mild grade fever now. Popped Panadol. Hope I get enough rest tonight. 

Me? Wikipedia? Nah.....

And so...a colleague said during lunch yesterday that he was impressed with me and felt like I was a walking encyclopedia. Another called me Wikipedia.

I went like "Har? What did I do to give you guys that impression?"

Apparently there were several occasions when we chatted as a group about various things ranging from plants to dogs to kids' stuff to charity work to old folks and I seemed to know about them all.

I don't think I'm that knowledgeable though. Just so happened that I know a little about those stuff we spoke about.

But still, it feels nice to have received a compliment haha.

GGMP

God, grant me patience....

To handle a cranky, fussy, sick toddler.

To be able to function at work despite the lack of sleep and that nagging ache in my shoulder and neck.

To deal with The Ogre at work. 

Wednesday, July 27, 2016

This morning

Trying morning. Nadya threw mega tantrums. Several of them. We spent an extra 30mins to get her ready for school. 
She became surprisingly cooperative in the car and when we were on the road she was in good spirits, singing her favourite songs. 

Alyssa was ok at home and in the car and only started crying when K had to peel her off me when we reached the school. Nadya had wanted me to accompany her to the childcare side so K had to take Alyssa from me to bring her to the infant care area. 

Leaving your kids when they are crying for you is never easy. 

Tuesday, July 26, 2016

Big One

Big one had fever, runny nose and mild eye infection over the weekend. As of today, no more fever, no more eye infection....but her runny nose is still there and it has also caused a phelgmy cough...

Rather volatile and cranky. She suddenly woke and threw a hissy fit at 11pm last night. Screamed, shrieked, kicked, flailed, cried, shouted and what have you....for a good 10-15mins.

I had to sleep with her again. On the same mattress.

I've been having a sore neck and right shoulder for several days already. An accumulation of awkward sleep positions on her mattress for the past week or so...

Please get well soon Nadya.


Thursday, July 21, 2016

Poor Peanut

Brought Alyssa to the  ENT Specialist this morning.

She had her nostrils poked with a nasal scope. The poor little girl was crying her head off.

And so, long story short, she has been diagnosed with Sinusitis.
Even her middle ear, on both sides, are infected already.

She needs to be on antibiotics for the next 2weeks till her next review. More antibiotics. Sigh.

And some other different types of medication. :(((

Just happy to see that she is in much better spirits compared to a week ago when she was running a fever, eating half (or less than half) her usual feeds, and generally being very groggy, grumpy and glum.


Emo Mama

Mama's emotions and nerves are a little bit raw this week.
Different types of news that I hear or situations that I get into can make me feel emotional and want to tear up.

The monthly cycle is supposed to come anytime now.

Is this the reason why this Mama is feeling kinda emo this week?

Jiayou Mama...

Monday, July 18, 2016

Friday, July 15, 2016

Zombie

330am. 

Went to bed at 11pm. 

I've woken up 4 times already. 

Tmr ho say liao. Will probably be a mega walking zombie-panda. 

Luckily I had foresight and applied for "work from home" tomorrow as I need to care for Peanut. Somewhere in between, I also need to settle work stuff in the morning before going for a medical follow-up in the afternoon. 

Peanut, stay strong and fight the germs okie. Please take more food and milk. Mama is very worried about you....

Little Baby, stay strong too. Fuss less and please sleep through the night from today onwards okie??!! Mama is imploring you...

**fighting!!!!**

Thursday, July 14, 2016

breathe!! jiayou!

really leh.

when nothing happens. nothing happens.

when I need to handle more things. suddenly everything comes in at the same time.
plus now peanut is unwell again...:(

the mama juggler needs to come out of her shell again to "perform".
working from home this afternoon and tomorrow....

Friday, July 08, 2016

The 2 Princesses

Loving this photo because of how Alyssa is holding onto Nadya's hand. I didn't engineer it. I only discovered it after the photo was taken. :) So sweet. 


Thursday, July 07, 2016

Pea-brain

I'm getting quite pea-brained. And bird-brained. And scatter-brained. Or whatever you call it.

I had bought a redbean pancake from Jollibean on Monday morning and stuffed it into my bag. I had intended to nibble on a portion of it during the day and to keep the rest for Nadya to try at home in the evening.

And then.

I completely forgot about it.

Till this morning.

When I reached office and opened my bag and rummaged through it. 

Today's Thursday. 3 days after I bought the pancake. Needless to say, the brown pancake was dotted with erm...yellow, green and white mould.
 
Part of me gagged. ZZZzzzzz......

How can I be so forgetful?

:(  :(  :(  :(  :(  :(  :(

Monday, July 04, 2016

The 2 girls

Nadya has been making up her own words...Rather creative I think.
But not sure if it is something I should be concerned about also? Hmm...

We were playing make-believe masak masak yesterday evening and were "making juices to drink".

We started out with normal stuff like apple juice, orange juice and watermelon juice. She then started coming up with strange names for her juices like "manap", "sweelee", "mani", "kooga"....

During other play times she would make up strange names like these to describe things too....

============
Alyssa is now in the stage of exploring.

She seems more adventurous than Nadya. She'd fall or bump herself on something and then she'd burst out crying, sometimes for longer than a few minutes. But with some consoling and hugs and kisses, she'd be back in action in no time again. Going for things with a devil-may-care attitude lol...

She's climbing, pulling herself up, crawling at breakneck speed, and chasing after me sometimes haha.

I'm really trying my best to enjoy her and bask in her awesome cuteness and gorgeousness and chubbiness......before she grows up....

Time flies too quickly these days.

============
Ah yes, and it's also the time for us to explore giving different types of food to Alyssa now.

Stuff she has taken include:
  • stewed apple
  • pumpkin
  • carrot
  • sweet potato
  • cauliflower
  • chicken
  • fish 
  • avocado 
  • papaya
  • banana
  • bread - both white bread and wholemeal bread   
 And the verdict??!
  • stewed apple - "erm ok lah"
  • pumpkin - "don't really like"
  • carrot - "love this!"
  • sweet potato - "better than pumpkin. nicer if there is apple in it"
  • cauliflower - "love this!"
  • chicken - "please mash it smaller for me..."
  • dory fish - "erm..sometimes this is gross..."
  • avocado - "ok gross..blechhhhh"
  • papaya - "love this!"
  • banana - "erm....can't decide if I like this or not"
  • bread - "love this!"
Lol.......more new stuff for her to try this week! Broccoli, pork, and pear!

Other stuff to introduce to her in the coming weeks: 
  • mango
  • spinach
  • baby biscuits
  • cod or threadfin
  • avocado - giving this a try again!
  • peaches
  • kiwi

Musings

Your life is a result of the choices you made. If you don't like your life, it is time to make better choices. 

I can't give credit to anyone because I've forgotten where this came from. Probably one those memes that get circulated around online from time to time. I do remember though that I saw this on Facebook....

I like it.

Simple and straightforward.
Life can sometimes be abit more complex than that though.


Tuesday, June 28, 2016

The mind...is on a thousand different things

Working.

But with a part of my mind on Nadya.
I hope she's doing ok and fighting off germs...I hope she won't fall sick.
Thinking how else I can help her learn new things and engage her mind.
Thinking how else I an encourage her to recognise numbers and letters and try to write...
I miss hugging her and I miss her hugging me.

Another part of my mind is on Alyssa.
I hope she took more porridge in school today. And I hope she's fighting off the germs too...
I hope her nose is no longer so runny and I hope her phelgm/cough goes away real soon...
Thinking how to encourage her to be more open to solids and what combinations of food I could and should start introducing to her...
Hoping she's an avid and quick learner like her older sister.
I miss kissing her cheeks and snuggling my face into her neck...
I miss her smiles and gurgles.

Another part of my mind is on....snacks...
Wondering if I should still snack somemore or leave it already lol...
I just had some wasabi-flavoured seaweed and a kiwi fruit....
This counts as having a salad. Right?? :D

And my mind is also on...my drawing...
Taking inspiration from some everyday things and converting that into drawable stuff lol.
I'm no artist....but I'm trying.
I've done 2 quick zentangles designs based on inspirations from a muslin/gauze cloth and the patterns on my boss' speakers haha...

I'm also thinking of how and what to pack for the September trip.
A little nervous because it is my first trip after 3 years plus....
And rather nervous because it is both the girls' first trip ever....

Friday, June 24, 2016

revisting past posts

From time to time, I sometimes re-read my past posts.

And I wow myself. For I do not recognise the person writing as me.

I don't know why. The language and humour in some of the posts don't seem to be quite the me that I think I am haha.

And then I came across this post as well.
http://sardonicsky.blogspot.sg/2016/01/what-i-would-like-to-say.html

Really something heartfelt and sincere...
Perhaps wise words for the two girls in the future....:)

Poor mama duck


Kena poked on right elbow for annual blood test this morning.

Only to be told that the samples collected weren't enough and they had to re-draw my blood again.

NABEH. #@%$&^$W%#@^

So then left elbow also kena poked.

My naive mind though that they could just draw abit more to top-up what was already collected....
BUT NOOOOOOOO......those already collected in the vials are considered contaminated already and so they had to re-collect everything again....

My heart sank when I heard that....

#%$&^%&^$#$%

Will someone please feed me beef and pork liver to help me replenish my blood???

:(



Thursday, June 23, 2016

policy-making. $#%#$%@

It is at times like these when I feel I am in the wrong job.

Like fucking hell, I'm not cut out for policy-making.

If I could I would be flipping my middle fingers at all the lawyers and other antagonists in this review of policies project that I am handling.

Like fuck you and you and you.

4 friggin' long years of this project, although most of the work was only done in the last one year.

I'm mega pekchek by now. Unfortunately, it is showing on my face.

At the 3 hour discussion earlier on, my counsel whatsapped me to ask "Are you ok?"
My face must have been an ugly shade of black.

I mean no harm and I'm sorry if I offended anyone. 
I'm a book. I don't know how to mask my emotions.
It didn't help that the main antagonist was sitting directly opposite me as well. 

Then again, maybe the lack of sleep and rest has brought about much of the frustration today.
Alot of things just pass through my mind without me really processing it.

Right now.

I just want to either cry or scream my lungs out.

zombie mama

Helper down for 2 days already.

Looking after both a sick baby and a cranky toddler for the past 2 nights...can't remember the number of times I had to go to both kids each night...

I feel like a floating bubble this morning.

Tummy not doing too good also...

jiayou jiayou jiayou...

I've a blood test early tomorrow morning prior to my annual heart check-up.
I hope tonight's more manageable...maybe I should work from home tomorrow....

jiayou jiayou jiayou....

Wednesday, June 22, 2016

Mama...

Mama, you popped into my mind this morning.

I hope you are keeping well, wherever you are...

I miss wheeling you out to the guest area at the nursing home and sitting there with you watching the fishes in that small tank in the corner....

In the early years when you were still lucid we would joke about the fishes and the suckerfish which you said was ugly.

In the later years when your mind was abit more clouded, we would still watch the fishes but you would be more silent...and at times your eyes would glaze over unless I broke the silence by speaking to you....

I miss you...
I love you...

Cheap Thrill!!

Wahahahaha.

My boss' PA just came over and spoke to me in gossipy hushed tones.

Apparently some guy from the Corp Comms Department had bumped into her 2 days ago and asked her for my name and how old I was. He referred to me as the "young girl in your department".

Lol. Lol.

He had popped into our team meeting a week earlier at my boss' invitation and did a presentation to my team on public communications and pitfalls and things to look out for.

The PA said he was interested and said "Aiyah, so sad!" when she shared with him that I was already a mother of two. He also said "Totally can't tell she's a mother already!"

*beams*

So maybe I am not that auntified afterall!!
还是有人看上!

By someone 5 years my junior, according to the PA. 
Wahahaha.....

Cheap thrill I know.
But this brought me much smiles this morning hahaha.

Friday, June 17, 2016

Of peeing....and pooing....

Lol...this mama duck is currently toilet-training her eldest duckie and doing so in tandem and close cooperation with her form teacher in school....

She's currently off diapers at home after school and doing good so far.

She has been using the toilet bowl since 3-4 months ago for poo-ing and now it seems she is ready for going there to pee as well...:)

Her teacher just dropped me an email to let me know that she took her first pee in the toilet bowl today in school haha...

Yay!

So it is true.
The child will let you know when he/she is ready to be toilet-trained...:D

I'm getting excited over my daughter's bowel movements and toilet-training....

Lol......

But oh well. I'm a MOM.

:)

Zentangles

And so on and off during my break time in office or on the bus, I've been watching tutorials on Zentangle and here are some of what I've ended up drawing...










Thursday, June 16, 2016

Milestone: check!

Voila, Peanut can get up into a sitting position on her own already...:) Since 12 June 20216.
Me is proud mama! *RAWR*

She's been racking up milestones at a speedy rate over the last couple of weeks...!

She's starting to babble alot more too and making sounds that really sound like "cheh-cheh"...the Hokkien word for "elder sister".

She'll soon start to walk in a couple of months' time...

Grow up well sweetie....
Just not too fast okie...

You're our last baby already...and Dada and Mama want to enjoy your babyhood alot more!!

Wednesday, June 15, 2016

Time flies

I went for my annual medical check-up at the neurological clinic on Monday.

Time flies. It has been almost 11 years since I had that brain op.

And I am thankful everyday that I came out of that op good and well.

My next CT scan is only in 2019.

In the meantime....I shall give thanks and enjoy life as it is now....

Yea I know, I gripe half the time about not getting enough sleep, what with the kids and all.....
But still, I am immensely grateful that that op went well....


It didn't use to be this way

It didn't use to be this way.

I remember when I was younger in primary school. That was more than 20, 25 years ago.
When I flipped the newspaper, I read about robberies, molest cases, car accidents, political issues (which I never bothered to read because I didn't understand), and other petty crimes.

Either those or it was entertainment and lifestyle news.

And for a long time there was also news on the Gulf War.

Fast forward to now.

Every other day there's some news about some idiot blowing himself up and killing or injuring dozens of others in the process. Or there's some radicalised group of militants with some hugely warped interpretation of the Quran waging war on the rest of the world. Or there's some psychopath raining bullets on innocent victims. Or there's someone committing a crime so vicious and heinous that even his parents can't forgive him.

Why?

What is the world coming to?

Even on our own local shores.

Reports of people bullying others. Reports of weirdos excreting publicly. Reports of road rage and people driving wildly on the roads. And that case of the 6-yr-old accused of molesting another classmate. And the rise in anti-government sentiment. The constant rant by certain groups against foreigners in the country.

What is society coming to?

Rather depressing.

It didn't use to be this way.

No. Not at all.

I wish for my daughters to grow up in a world where there is more hope and joy and something to look forward to. Afterall, they were named that way. Nadya means hope and Alyssa means joy.

I pray.

For peace in the world.

For true harmony everywhere.

For peace and harmony and happiness in my own family.

Thursday, June 09, 2016

Of ombre shades and everything else in between

I don't understand the latest trend.

Of colouring your hair in ombre shades of green, pink, purple or blue. Or colouring your hair in rainbow blends. Or colouring your hair in undershades of odd agar-agar colours. Or of colouring your hair in an ombre mix of blue and purple, pink and purple, green and blue....or whatever colour mixes and permutation you can think of.

I don't understand it. But I am not vehemently against it either.
You can do whatever the hell you want with your hair. It's yours. Decorate it and dress it up however you want. Stress your scalp and your hair follicles whichever way you desire to.

But hor. Nice meh?

And I am seeing an increasing number of office ladies with such hair. At least in my office area.
Doesn't seem professional to me.

Maybe I am just a prude. :D

Wednesday, June 08, 2016

I need a break. I need sleep.

I've not had a good night's sleep for close to 3 years.

Since Nadya was born, I wake anywhere between 1 to 3 times a night. Usually it's 1-2 times. On bad nights, especially after Alyssa arrived, it could even be 3-4 times a night. I'm thankful these bad nights are rare and don't happen often.

But still, waking up 1-2 times each night for 3 years is taking a toll on my body.

People in office tell me all the time "You look sleepy" or "You look tired" or "You look like you need rest" or "You look like you need a break"...

I also know...I want a break.
I want to sleep. I want to sleep 7 to 8 hours straight.

During maternity, I could still nap for a good 1-2 hours during the day.

Now at work I make do with being a zombie half the time.

Not good at all. I am unproductive and I can feel my brain cells just giving up on themselves, preferring to go into zombie mode rather than get involved in some intellectual thought processes.

Sometimes, I feel like I'm doing a half-assed job both at home and at work. Mainly because I'm sleepy and tired half the time in office. And I'm sleepy and tired half the time at home.

Like wtf?

Something's gotta give. But what?
I definitely don't want my health to be at the shorter end of the stick.

It's not helping too that I'm the only one who can settle N back to sleep when she wakes in the middle of the night. And she wakes every night.....at least once...

I feel myself getting desperate.....very.

Crying wolf?

If you cry wolf too many times, people start getting desensitised to what you say.....

"I walked out on him." was what a colleague from another division said.
When probed further...it turned out that that wasn't what happened but rather, she left the guy in the house after they had an argument. She went out for a breather but eventually returned to the house. Erm...that's not called walking out on him I think....Walking out on someone you're in a relationship with literally means ending the relationship.

This has happened several times with different people.

The first proclamation would be something that sounds very serious. But after finding out abit more, then you will realise that actually it's not as bad as what the person made it out to be.....

I don't know. Is it habit that makes someone speak or engage others in such a manner?

A verbal "click-bait" of sorts?

This induces fatigue in the listener...and eventually the listener becomes desensitised...right?

I hope I don't speak this way too?
Hmm...


Sunday, June 05, 2016

Parenting and Self

There are a lot more things I want to do, see, experience. 
Both for the kids and myself. 
How do I find the energy and strength and time to?

Not quite sure. 

Still not sure too what is wrong with my lungs or nose or throat. Is it psychological? Is the chest tightness caused by stress? Maybe I should be using Xanax instead of the inhaler that the doc suggested I use for a month. 

Maybe I need better planning. Maybe I need to just fuck care everything (though with my nature I think I can't do this). Maybe I need to just be a lazy mum. 

Maybe. Maybe. 


Jiayou

Helper down.

No time to whine.

Just do it. 

Friday, June 03, 2016

Medical

Most people hate medical check-ups. Most probably don't step into a hospital for any form of check-up or appointment in many years. 

Hospital checkups and appointments are however a regular thing for me. 

Since I was a child. Every year. 

Doesn't mean I've gotten used to it. Doesn't mean I don't feel xian about it. 

And so. Today's med appointment at SGH. 

Now I have suspected bronchitis or asthma. 

Like wtf? 

And I'm given an inhaler and nasal spray to be used for a month. 

I've got a colourful medical history. I really don't wish to add asthma to it. 

Am I upset?

Yes, I think so. A little upset. 

Then again. 

Maybe I should count my blessings. 
That it is likely not anything more sinister. 

Wizard Mouse!

N was supposed to wear a homemade hat to school today. A homemade hat made from recycled materials to celebrate Eco Day.

K and I put our art and craft skills to some use over last weekend and conjured up a hat for her lol. It's a hybrid mouse-wizard hat haha. Complete with whiskers, ears and a curly tail.




Milestones!

Peanut has been busy clocking milestones recently haha.

On Wednesday 25 May 2016, she started crawling. She moved only a few inches initially. 3 to 4 days later, she was moving alot more and being rather adventurous. She can still only do a tummy crawl though, and not on all fours.

Last night 2 June 2016, she pulled herself up to stand for the first time in her cot.

Way to go Peanut!!


Note to Selves:
Need to watch her more.
Need to clear all small stuff out of the way.
Need to pull up the cot rails already.
Need better baby-proofing!
Need to watch Nadya to make sure she doesn't leave small bits of things lying around.

Thursday, June 02, 2016

Upset!! :((

This pair of shoes is only 3 months old...and rather expensive by my standards....

My colleague accidentally stepped on me just now. She was in sky-high wedges.

And.....:((((

Her shoes ripped out 5 whole beads from my right shoe. 

Wah sibei heart pain!!!

Now there's a rather obvious gap where the beads should have been...sigh.....




Of Bad Nights and Better Days

T'was a bad night yesterday.

N woke at 1am and 430am. A woke at 130am, 4am, 5am.

The helper couldn't settle A down when she woke at 5am so I went to take over from her. The little girl was rather grouchy and irritable. She wanted to sleep but somehow was very fidgety.

And throughout the night I was having a headache and a weird tummy, feeling nauseous, and also had an aching right ribcage.

I think it got to a point somewhere during 530am where I felt like crying and giving up.

Yeah, one of those times when you go "WHY??? WHY???? WHY LIKE THIS???"

One of those times when you want to scream FUCK THIS SHIT over and over again.

But anyway.

So now I'm in office.

Still with a headache and a weird tummy and an aching right ribcage.

But with a slightly better disposition.

Onward I trudge.

It will be a good, great, beautiful, lovely day ahead.

Yes it will be.

I'm missing the two girls already....:(

I hope K has a good 2nd day at his new workplace.







Wednesday, June 01, 2016

Parenting...much to do

We had parent-teacher conferences for both girls yesterday.

Various things need to be done...capturing it here....both for posterity and as a reminder to self on what needs to be done....

ALYSSA
  • Once she had settled down into the infant care environment, she was generally a happy baby and easy baby to handle.
  • She can express herself readily and usually only cries when she is hungry, sleepy, tired or upset over something. 
  • She's also developed pretty quickly over the last week and can now crawl rather quickly on her tummy. She's also started to want to climb and is pretty much an avid explorer.
  • To work on: 
    • getting her to take her solids (including porridge, and proteins)
    • exposing her to more books, music and creative toys.
NADYA
  • She's grown more confident and adept in her socio-emotional aspects. 
  • Her spoken language and communication skills (pure talking) seems advanced for her age. Her teacher commented that it feels like she is talking to a young adult rather than a roughly 3-year-old child. Nadya also easily voices her thoughts and does not hesitate to convey her feelings to the teacher. 
  • She does have several bad habits that she's picked up. Singlish is one, nagging and scolding others is another. She recently likes to wag/point her finger at others, act assertive and badass and say things like "I tell you ah, you better don't do this!" or "Listen to me! Don't touch that thing!". She did this to random kids in a shopping mall, much to my horror and embarrassment.
  • She apparently loves her enrichment classes, which are ballet and gym at the moment. 
  • She can tell you when she needs to poo but hasn't started telling us when she needs to pee. This is quite the opposite from most kids, according to her teacher.  
  • She knows the sound a letter makes and can recognise the character the letter is associated with, but sometimes cannot identify what that letter itself is. Eg. if you show her "G", she knows it stands for "Golden Girl" and makes the sound "guh" but sometimes can't tell you that it is the letter "G". (The school uses the Letterland concept to teach the kids.)
  • To work on:
    • toilet-training her (we're halfway through on this...jiayou!)
    • preparing her for the transition to using a cup for her afternoon milk when September comes
    • preparing her to brush her teeth in school when September comes
    • numeracy
    • recognition of alphabets 
    • correcting her use of Singlish
    • correcting her impolite ways of "nagging/scolding" people 
    • exposing her to more Mandarin
    • building up her social interaction skills 

Hmm...seems alot...
How to tackle these issues...can't be done one at a time...some need to be managed concurrently....

Thoughts......

Monday, May 30, 2016

Sunshine Baby

Alyssa seems to be less vocal compared to Nadya at the same age. But we all agree that she is generally a cheerier baby. Quick with her smiles and generally calm. 

After waking up from a 2hr nap. Super happy!

After waking from another nap.

While playing peekaboo with me in the car.

Cheekily chewing up Nadya's books when she wasn't around. Lol. Nadya would go berserk if she actually saw Alyssa gnawing on her stuff. 


For posterity

Me and the 2 girls before heading out to a manyue celebration. 

One of the few times I made them sit together to take a picture haha. This protective mama was afraid that Alyssa would topple over or that Nadya would use too much strength to hold Alyssa. 

Love this picture of the 2 of them together on a toy called Mr Zebra. 




Sunday, May 29, 2016

Conversations with a 32-month old

Last Sat morning. Breakfast at Parkway Parade's foodcourt. 

N: I want to follow Dada to buy food.
K: ok follow me.
N: But I want to hold the money ah. I hold the money. 

Lol. She's got her priorities all sorted out eh?

==========
One night while going to sleep. 

Me: Good night Dada. Good night Nana. I love you Dada. I love you Nana. 
N: I love you Mama. I love you Dada. I love you me. 

Lol. Self-love starts from young....and yes darling, it is important that you love yourself...:)
Wise little girl...


Friday, May 27, 2016

*cries*

There are times when I don't understand why I'm the only who wakes when Alyssa cries or wakes in her sleep. 

And I'm the one who is on 2 types of drowsy medication. 

The one having the baby monitor (the helper) can't wake and the one sleeping next to me sleeps like a log. 

Sigh. 

Mega sigh. 

Thursday, May 26, 2016

Of fights and love...oh well, parenting...

I was tired and a little breathless last night.

I lost my temper at Nadya. Who was fighting with me about not wearing diapers to bed.
She didn't want to. We wanted her to. Yes, I know, it was probably a good opportunity to train her to ditch the diapers but I'm not ready to do night-time pee training yet...I can't handle it now when I am also not in the best of health.

I've not raised my voice at her to that level for a long time. It was natural that she immediately burst out crying.

Spent some time settling her down before she finally dropped off to sleep.

As she lay sleeping, I smothered her face with kisses.

Apologetic kisses. Loving kisses. Mummy kisses.

And I whispered to her "Mama loves you very much." a couple of times.

This morning she was ok but a little cranky.
I forgot to give her a hug before she went to school...:(




Cough...Cough...Cough

One knows one's body best.

I've not felt right about my cough since a week plus ago. It's been around way too long for my liking. Almost 1.5months. At times it showed signs of abating, only to resurrect itself with a vengeance.

For the past week I've had shortness of breath and some tightness in the chest.
My right ribcage, below the breastbone, has been aching like F as well. I can't even hold my handbag properly and I can't pull open the main door of my house without wincing.

I had wanted to see the doctor again several days back. K convinced me otherwise. He said it was probably due to my lack of proper rest and stress.

I finally decided that I had better see the doc again. I went yesterday morning. That was my 5th visit.
I was exasperated and the doctor could see that as well. He finally conceded that there may be something else wrong with me and that I might not be having just the regular cough and cold.

He suggested for me to go see a respiratory specialist. My main airways might be inflammed by now and that is why the regular cough and cold medications won't work on me.  Those medications work on common upper respiratory tract infections like the common cough and cold. Once the main airways are inflammed...something else needs to be done. Like what? I have no idea.

I trudged down to Bedok Polyclinic immediately to get an appointment with SGH. Took me 2-3 hours and lots of waiting just to settle that. But at least I've got the appointment already. Next Friday though. I have to tahan for another week.

The polyclinic doctor also said the same thing and prescribed me steroids to control the possible inflammation and clear my airways abit so that I can breathe easier.

So now I am on steroids. For at least the next 5 days.
I have 2 days MC and will be going back to work tomorrow, i.e. Friday. I hope I can tahan tomorrow and next week's working days before my appointment with the specialist arrives. 

Fingers crossed. Praying that I will be ok...
Ganbatte.

Jiayou everyone

家家有本难念的经。
Every household has its own issues.

Every person is fighting a battle that others can't see.

A friend just fought with her husband and left their matrimonial home. 
A pair of good friends, husband and wife, have been trying for a child for 7 years and are now pinning their hopes on IVF. But they still need to be in the queue for it and IVF is sometimes not a one-hit-and-success-comes kind of thing.
3 friends got divorced within the last 2 years. One's moved on quite well. One's grappling with it still. And the last one's just trying to wing it as a single mother in a foreign land. \

Battles, big and small.

But, at the end of the day, we still put on a smile and life goes on.
Whether that smile is a real one or a mask is another matter....We have to keep moving, yes? Movement keeps us sane and maybe it makes us more tired too so we have less energy to think about the negative stuff.

I'm sorry, such morose stuff right at the start of the day.

I've been tired and a little emotionally raw.

Ganbatte to everybody.
To my parents.
To K.
To the 2 girls.
And to myself.

Sunday, May 22, 2016

Friday night drive

We did a late night grocery run on Friday night after both kids were asleep. I'm glad we're near the 24-hr NTUC at Bedok Central. 

I drove ourselves back home. And I was rather proud and happy that it was a smooth drive home. 

I thought I did good. 

Until I parked the car and realised that....

I didn't turn on the headlights while driving.

Bah.


So that entire 10-15mins drive was totally with my headlights on. 

Damn dangerous lah....I need to remind myself to turn it on....

Maybe car manufacturers should consider making cars that can be programmed into having the headlights automatically turning themselves on at a certain time lol.... 

Friday, May 20, 2016

Food for Thought

真正的感觉是骗不了自己的心。

How true.

There was once when I ignored what I truly felt deep inside. I dismissed my own feelings and my own gut feelings to pursue something which not only did not materialise but which ended up bringing much hurt to me.

I can only hope that I remain true to myself and my own feelings in the years to come.

Thursday, May 19, 2016

Snip

During this time of some minor tweaks and changes to my life, I finally found an opportunity to cut my hair. 

Cut, not trim. 

I gave my stylist an instruction of "cut till the shortest length possible such that my hair won't start curling out." 

In the end, 6-7 inches were lopped off. :) 

The me from 5 years ago might have been extremely upset that so much hair was lopped off. I found myself surprisingly calm yesterday lol. 

Voila, this is me now...still not too short lah. But much shorter compared to what I had before the cut. :) 



Wednesday, May 18, 2016

Yay!

This noob just did her first petrol fill-up for the car tonight. First time in my life. Virgin no more :) 

Lololol. 

Yea I know, I am suaku. 

P/s: short but good drive tonight.

Tuesday, May 17, 2016

mini-me

In the recent 2-3 weeks, the bedtime ritual for Nadya is this....

We would either read books or play some games. Sometimes she would take to being "Teacher Nana" and "teach" us ballet or some toddler gym exercises. Sometimes, she would request to watch aeroplanes go by. (From my room and my balcony, we can se planes going by every few minutes or so.)

And then I would make her her night-time bottle of milk. While she is drinking, I would turn off her room lights and lay beside her. In the past few days, she's taken to asking for K to be present in the room also. (This is a very good sign by the way...)

We would all lay on the mattress on the floor. This mattress is positioned just below her bed, just in case she somehow rolls or falls off while she is on the bed.

Last night, I lay next to her. She dropped off to sleep pretty quickly and was rather affectionate last night. One of her hands was cupping my face and the other was draped on my shoulder when she nodded off to dreamland.

Her room curtains were open slightly, enough to let in slivers of moonlight and ambient light from the neighbour's houses.

I stared at her face. Her hair. Her nose. Her cheeks. I watched her breathe. I stroked her arms. Held her hands.

I felt how her fingers and toes twitched from time to time. I felt how her hands sometimes reached out to me. I watched her flip over and change positions while still sleeping....

And I thanked God for gifting me this little girl.

My mini-me.

And of course, after determining that she was truly deep asleep, then did I carry her back onto her bed....

Monday, May 16, 2016

Purple

I've started taking my multi-vitamins again. Something I had to stop after I got pregnant and while I was breastfeeding.

Got myself a new pill planner box since my old one was rather worn. 

Something small, something new. Something to accompany me on a daily basis. 

Here's to better health! 


Touché

Yes, I am.

Myriad reasons I think.

Work.
Staff who are more senior in terms of rank (and pay and bonuses) trying to offload some of their stuff to you.
Someone else who is 2 ranks up and getting rather aggressive and assertive these days.
Your new boss bringing your bonus down to half of what you used to get.
Long-drawn project 4 years in the making that doesn't seem to be going anywhere. 

Double-standards.
In work. In personal life.

Kids.
Nadya testing my limits with her hissy fits.
The worry at the back of my mind and the constant hoping that Alyssa is fit and healthy enough to fight off any bugs.

Self.
Not quite in a good place right now.
Nursing a month-long cough. 
Wallowing. Frustrated. Tired.

============
Am hoping some minor tweaks and changes here and there in terms of mindset and lifestyle would do me some good.

Afterall, no one can pick myself up other than I, right? Others can only assist to their best abilities. 
Yeah, let's get out of the doldrums to watch the daisies and dandelions reaching for the sky.

Jiayou. Jiayou. Jiayou.

Friday, May 13, 2016

Sucker for Punishment

Listening to Jacky Cheung and bawling my eyes out in the office this morning.

一路上有你

One of my fav songs from him.

I'm not upset though, just got emo while listening to the song. :D

Thursday, May 12, 2016

thoughts..


Family
  • the girls and their development and well-being-
  • building own family cohesion and foundation


Self

  • exercise and getting started
  • multivitamins and getting back into better health


Work

Relationships

Wednesday, May 11, 2016

That Annual Letter

Several months ago, a new boss came by to lead the team. The old boss was retained on contract as an advisor, subject to further notice or till when he is ready to retire or when the higher-ups don't need him anymore.

Yesterday, I received the annual letter given out to staff. The one which informs staff of the amount of corporate bonus, performance bonus, annual salary increment and/or market salary adjustment.

I had already expected a lower than usual performance bonus from previous years.

I just did not expect the performance bonus component to be even lower than what I was expecting.

Am I disappointed?

Yes. It was the lowest in all my 8.5 years of serving the company. In fact, it was almost half of what I usually get.

Why? Several reasons I can think of.

New boss. With a different standard of rating.
I was away on maternity leave for 5 months plus. (Though it is to be noted that during my previous leave of absence in 2013 for the birth of Nadya, my performance wasn't so drastically affected. In fact, I don't think I was penalised at all.)
I was also penalised for a delayed project which incidentally, got delayed not entirely because of me but also due to other external factors. 

So?

FML lor.

When I need the money, circumstances happen such that it doesn't come in as much as past years.

Will this affect the way I work now?

The right response would be: No of course not, I am still a dedicated individual putting in my worth for the company. Truth be told, I am not so sure. But I think my dedication to the company just dropped by half. Could be just a reactionary emotion on my part, I don't know.

Anyway.

Lao niang is not happy with this year's performance bonus.

Anyway.

Lao niang can't do much about it.

Anyway.

Pfffffftttttttttttttttt.

Tuesday, May 10, 2016

For posterity

Nadya in her ballet outfit.
Cute max. Love max! 


please go away now.....

*cough*
*splutter*
*cough*

Really bad this time.
I don't think I've had it this bad before.

My stomach muscles started to get sore on Sunday morning from the vigorous coughing.

FML....

And I don't wanna pass it to the kids....:(

Went for an xray yesterday to rule out any sinister issues....
Hope the results are ok.....

Conversations with a 31-month-old

This morning after I woke Nadya up.

N: Mama, today I don't have school? *looks expectantly at me*
Me: Darling, you have school today.
N: *immediately starts to whine* I don't want to go to school.....
Me: Go lie down for awhile. I'll make some milk for you.
N: Mama, I have gym today?
N: *thinks further* Mama, I don't have gym today? I don't have gym today.
Me: Yup, I think you don't have gym today.
N: REALLY? *looks upset*

Ok sorry darling, Mama burst your bubble early on Monday morning...

Saturday, May 07, 2016

Urgh

It's here again. 

The feeling of slight frustration and feeling a little stifled. The feeling of wanting to spend some time doing my own things. Or developing myself. Or just simply laying down to vege out. 

I know I should be grateful that my daughter adores me and can't let me out of her sight for long. But at times, I really need some breathing space. Some me-time to discharge, to decompress, to destress. 

A whole host of things needing my attention. What groceries and household products to get. What to cook. How to wean. What to wean on. What new clothes to get for the kids. Which areas of the house to focus cleaning efforts on. Nadya's ballet shoes need to be stitched up.

I just discovered this morning that oh darn, the helper has neglected the cleanliness and upkeep of the washing machine. Bits of caked up old soap powder formed a crust along a portion of the drum. The compartments collecting dirt had not been cleaned thoroughly. The washing machine is a very essential item in our home, I can't afford to let it spoil and need to ensure that it is well taken care of. 

The cupboards in the kitchen  need to be emptied and wiped out. The fridge needs to be cleaned too. The freezer compartment too. The shelf in the living room needs a spot of thorough cleaning as well. 

My table. Enough said. It's a mess. 

My hair. Split ends and bushy.

My face. White heads, black heads. Zits. 

I want to spend some time watching TV. 

I want to spend more time Zentangling.

I want to go on the threadmill.

And I'm coughing my lungs out still. I don't know what to do about it. Medication doesn't seem to be working at all. I'm taking codeine every night. Will I turn into a cough syrup junkie? 

My throat is suffering from the hacking cough and my voice is hoarse as well.

Partly pek chek.
Partly contented. 
Partly fed-up.
Partly happy.
Partly unhappy.
Partly listless.  

Sigh. 

Chance meeting

Wow. Nadya 交游广阔.

We went for a quick breakfast this morning at ToastBox at Katong 112. She pointed to a Korean boy and said that was "Kang Hoo".

K and I looked at each other. Yeah we knew there was a Kang Hoo in her school. He was in the same batch of infant care as her but is now in a different nursery class because he is several months older. 

So this boy was there at ToastBox with his parents and grandparents. The last time I saw his mom was a long time ago so I couldn't be sure if it was her or not and if the boy was really Kang Hoo. 

When we were about to leave, Nadya wanted to go greet this boy so we went over and really, it was Kang Hoo! I think we surprised the grandparents and parents quite abit haha. They kept waving and smiling at her. 

And there you go, my daughter, at the age of 2.5 years, had her first chance encounter with a friend. 

So qiao. 

My comfort food

1. Fried beehoon
2. Mee tai bak soup
3. Fried rice
4. Chee cheong fun with soy sauce and sesame oil
5. Ayam buah keluak
6. Macaroni in chicken soup 
7. Cheng ting

Probably because these dishes remind me of the home I grew up in, my grandmother and my mother. 

Friday, May 06, 2016

Singing in my mind

 The following TV jingle that was oh-so-popular when I was a young child....

"I don't wanna grow up. I'm a Toys'r'us kid....."


Yea, I don't wanna grow up.

Thursday, May 05, 2016

Latest pieces

Upping the ante and experimenting with pencils and shading now to add more depth to the patterns and drawings...

I have to say...Zentangling is really quite therapeutic. And....YouTube is a great teacher haha.

My photo taking skills aren't exactly great though. :) doesn't do justice to the drawings but oh well....




Wednesday, May 04, 2016

working mothers

A friend at work just enrolled her 18month-old daughter into childcare. Today is the child's 2nd day there and she was still crying alot.

My friend, who incidentally is also named Michelle, is feeling very frazzled now. She is upset and feels heartbroken seeing her kid crying like that. She had thoughts of pulling her daughter out of the centre as well after seeing her daughter cry like that....

Just spent the last hour trying to give her some moral encouragement. Via Whatsapp lol.
Told her to hang on for these few days...and that her kid will adjust soon...most kids will go through this transition phase at some point too....better now then later I guess...

I remember the time when I felt this way when I left Nadya in infant care. The good thing was that Nadya was too young then to even know what was happening...hence there wasn't alot of crying.

Jiayou to all working mothers...
Jiayou to all mothers who are going through the daily struggle of handing their children over to other caregivers, while wishing they were the ones by their children's sides....

Jiayou to Michelle...

Jiayou to me....

Tuesday, May 03, 2016

Open Letter

To: The lady at the optical shop, Cindy.

On Saturday afternoon, I was there at the shop where you work at. I was there to collect my contact lenses which I had ordered from you 2 weeks earlier. I had Nadya with me this time. 

We chatted a little about our kids and then you asked a question which was worded more like a comment. "她这样小你舍得让她一个人睡meh?" 

It may seem like a harmless question when reading in plain text but you nuanced it with your body language. 

You had a small sneer on your face. It was a look of disdain, mild contempt and disapproval.

I chose not to answer you since it was uttered at a time when I was already getting ready to leave. I merely said goodbye to you and thanked you for the service provided for my making of contact lenses (the service was actually quite satisfactory I must say).

Look lady, there is an unspoken mother code. I know you are a mother as well. A mother does not bash another mother, nor question another mother's parenting choices in her face. We are all trying our best here and every mother wants the best for her child.

You can judge me behind my back for all I care. That's your prerogative. But leave your judgemental questions in your mind. Don't throw it in my face.

Pfffttttt.


Sunday, May 01, 2016

Go Peanut Go!

Mighty glad that Alyssa's fever finally broke on Friday night. 

She lost weight over the past week but her appetite seems to have improved and she has been calling out for milk every 3 hours or so since Saturday morning. Even during the middle of the night. 

Stay strong sweetie...mama loves you!


P/s: that's not a huge smile per se haha but more of a smile that was morphing into a yawn. :) I happened to catch it at the most precise moment haha