Riding crests and troughs
Sometimes all within half a day
In a day, a week, 2 weeks
Getting quite good at "surfing" I must say :)
Keeping head high even when in a trough
Need to, have to
Else how can I continue breathing?
The going gets tough sometimes though
The heart beats fast
The knees rattle
The mind races and wanders around
The fingers tingle
The palms get clammy
Hwaiting
Hwaiting
People are cheering you on too
Keep the faith
Keep the strength
With effort, you will see results
Monday, March 25, 2019
Wednesday, March 20, 2019
Eye Review
Went for a review of my eyes yesterday morning.
Good news.
Left eye - condition is the same as past months...
Right eye - laser scarring has healed well....
Next review will be in a year's time.
I hope my eyes stay well...the floaters, especially those in my left eye, cause my eyes to be quite strained and tired sometimes when I spend long hours staring at the laptop.
Jiayou!!
Good news.
Left eye - condition is the same as past months...
Right eye - laser scarring has healed well....
Next review will be in a year's time.
I hope my eyes stay well...the floaters, especially those in my left eye, cause my eyes to be quite strained and tired sometimes when I spend long hours staring at the laptop.
Jiayou!!
Monday, March 18, 2019
2D1N
Jung Joon Young, you are a smart intelligent guy.
You're talented in music and you've got a good voice.
I used to listen to your songs while at work. I had a whole playlist of your songs.
Why did you not put these to good use and chose instead to dabble in vice?
Did you let your "fame" and "celebrity status" get to your head?
Did you not think that all these unsavoury activities would ultimately lead to your downfall one day?
You narrowly "escaped" a sex scandal 3-4years back. We all thought it was a misunderstanding between yourself and your ex-girlfriend.
Now we know, it was likely she was bought off and threatened by that powerful "police chief" friend of yours and Seungri's.
It's enough to drag yourself down but why cause 2D1N to suffer along with you?
Now Cha Tae Hyun and Kim Joon Ho are also affected, and their 20-years careers brought to sudden halt just because of betting between friends.
Many believe their side news are just cover-ups and meant as a distraction from the real issues related to you, Seungri, Choi Jong Hoon and the whole Burning Sun fiasco.
I hope Kim Jong Min, Yoon Shi Yoon, Defcoon and Lee Yongjin won't be too affected by all these happenings.
I hope Kim Seong PD and the rest of the 2D1N crew will keep their spirits up.
The production of 2D1N has been put on an indefinite hiatus but I'm sure loyal fans are still supporting the show, cast and crew members.
Fighting!
#RememberEachMember
You're talented in music and you've got a good voice.
I used to listen to your songs while at work. I had a whole playlist of your songs.
Why did you not put these to good use and chose instead to dabble in vice?
Did you let your "fame" and "celebrity status" get to your head?
Did you not think that all these unsavoury activities would ultimately lead to your downfall one day?
You narrowly "escaped" a sex scandal 3-4years back. We all thought it was a misunderstanding between yourself and your ex-girlfriend.
Now we know, it was likely she was bought off and threatened by that powerful "police chief" friend of yours and Seungri's.
It's enough to drag yourself down but why cause 2D1N to suffer along with you?
Now Cha Tae Hyun and Kim Joon Ho are also affected, and their 20-years careers brought to sudden halt just because of betting between friends.
Many believe their side news are just cover-ups and meant as a distraction from the real issues related to you, Seungri, Choi Jong Hoon and the whole Burning Sun fiasco.
I hope Kim Jong Min, Yoon Shi Yoon, Defcoon and Lee Yongjin won't be too affected by all these happenings.
I hope Kim Seong PD and the rest of the 2D1N crew will keep their spirits up.
The production of 2D1N has been put on an indefinite hiatus but I'm sure loyal fans are still supporting the show, cast and crew members.
Fighting!
#RememberEachMember
Friday, March 15, 2019
Celebrating Little Victories and Appreciating Little Steps Forward
Celebrating little victories and appreciating little steps forward.
Yeah, bit by bit...one step at a time. Slowly but surely...!
- I got the call that I was hoping to receive. While it took longer than expected and the conversation brought me some amount of discomfort, I was still glad it took place because it allowed me to confront some of things I'd been feeling and it also means things are moving. Moving forward. And moving forward is always good.
- I feel better today, only a slight lightheaded-ness and no nausea. Yay! Lunch is digesting nicely too with not much feeling of bloatedness in the upper abdomen.
- Came into office today and received an unexpected email from the corporate office. It was an announcement that all staff could all leave at 430pm today because it's Eat with Your Family Day. Yay!
On a side note, things I wanna do if I do go on a hiatus from work...
- Start exercising. Start my walks again. Stretching...
- Hop over to 3Arts and take up a pottery course with them....with the electric wheel, not the manual wheel
- Build one small terrarium again.
- Declutter the house.
Thursday, March 14, 2019
Okapi
I've been scratching my head each night now thinking of what animal to introduce to the girls...
A lightbulb lit in my head last night....and I showed them photos of the okapi...
Hahaha....they were amazed at the half zebra, half deer? antelope? creature....
A lightbulb lit in my head last night....and I showed them photos of the okapi...
Hahaha....they were amazed at the half zebra, half deer? antelope? creature....
Wednesday, March 13, 2019
Family
This was drafted back in 2014. A good 5 years ago....I didn't complete the post but it's still a valid reflection of how and what I feel.
================================
I realised how selfish I was when I was younger.
I took my family for granted. I took my grandmother's and my parents' love and care and concern for granted. They may not have shown it through the best of ways nor the most loving of ways nor used the best words but still, they cared for and loved me deeply.
Looking back, there were a few turning points and key events which happened and made me realise I was almost behaving like an ingrate.
I might have blogged about them before. Maybe even several times. I don't know, I can't remember.
But if so, then it is because I truly hold my family close to my heart and I always remind myself now that I cannot take their love for granted.
================================
I realised how selfish I was when I was younger.
I took my family for granted. I took my grandmother's and my parents' love and care and concern for granted. They may not have shown it through the best of ways nor the most loving of ways nor used the best words but still, they cared for and loved me deeply.
Looking back, there were a few turning points and key events which happened and made me realise I was almost behaving like an ingrate.
I might have blogged about them before. Maybe even several times. I don't know, I can't remember.
But if so, then it is because I truly hold my family close to my heart and I always remind myself now that I cannot take their love for granted.
Medical....over the years.....
Sorted through my health documents...Realised that accumulated over the last several years....I have more than 10 folders related to health and medical stuff....some are no longer an issue, some are still there...
- Dental
- Respiratory
- Dermatology
- Neurology
- Geriartric
- Poly
- Ear Nose Throat
- Gastroenterology
- Heart
- Eye
- Obstetrics & Gynaecology
Next stuff to sort out and consolidate properly....all my insurance papers and documents.....
Ganbatte.....
Clearing clutter
Learning how to break some things down into smaller bits. Easier to handle.
Learning how not to expect myself to finish everything in a single session.
Learning how not to impose impossible expectations on myself.
So I'm recently clearing up the mess on my bedside table. It's a long table filled with books, the girls' hair accessories, my letters and documents, etc.
I should probably be abit more dilligent when it comes to filing away my official letters and documents.
One of my notice of assessment that I found was from 2017...SP power bills from 2017 were also in the pile...zzz.
Anyway, clearing and going through the pile of docs bit by bit each night.
Then I will move on to clearing and packing my bedside drawers and then the big drawers below my bed and then hopefully to the girls' cupboards and their clothes and toys.
When things have not been done for a couple of years...and the day to day dilligence to keep things as neat as possible was not really there...and when the girls have access to these drawers and constantly put stuff or take stuff from the drawers....the clutter and mess gets real...
Am I doing a Marie Kondo? Not quite actually. It's been on the cards for a long time...way before the Marie Kondo craze came about...
Will I throw things away because they do not spark joy? I don't know...maybe...I just go by gut feel and mood most of the time.
Learning how not to expect myself to finish everything in a single session.
Learning how not to impose impossible expectations on myself.
So I'm recently clearing up the mess on my bedside table. It's a long table filled with books, the girls' hair accessories, my letters and documents, etc.
I should probably be abit more dilligent when it comes to filing away my official letters and documents.
One of my notice of assessment that I found was from 2017...SP power bills from 2017 were also in the pile...zzz.
Anyway, clearing and going through the pile of docs bit by bit each night.
Then I will move on to clearing and packing my bedside drawers and then the big drawers below my bed and then hopefully to the girls' cupboards and their clothes and toys.
When things have not been done for a couple of years...and the day to day dilligence to keep things as neat as possible was not really there...and when the girls have access to these drawers and constantly put stuff or take stuff from the drawers....the clutter and mess gets real...
Am I doing a Marie Kondo? Not quite actually. It's been on the cards for a long time...way before the Marie Kondo craze came about...
Will I throw things away because they do not spark joy? I don't know...maybe...I just go by gut feel and mood most of the time.
Tuesday, March 12, 2019
Things I am thankful for today
- Helper prepared lunch
- Boss allowed me to work from home 4 days out of 5 this week because I'm participating remotely in a meeting taking place in Japan....
- My new phone should be coming soon?
- While I may be lacking in various areas, the girls, especially Nadya, see me as a superwoman...
- I have a roof over my head and aircon to beat Singapore's unbelievable humidity....
Sunday, March 10, 2019
Weight
Laoniang....is weighing in at 47.7kg liao.
Newest low.
Even I am starting to notice that my cheekbones and jawline are becoming more prominent.
That's 4kg off the 51.5kg that I was at a couple of months back...
I tried on my wedding ring this afternoon and found that I could wear it...though it still felt tight...
I've not been able to put it on for the longest time...I could if I wanted to but then it'd probably take a few hours to yank it out.....
This afternoon, I didn't have to yank it out...
Newest low.
Even I am starting to notice that my cheekbones and jawline are becoming more prominent.
That's 4kg off the 51.5kg that I was at a couple of months back...
I tried on my wedding ring this afternoon and found that I could wear it...though it still felt tight...
I've not been able to put it on for the longest time...I could if I wanted to but then it'd probably take a few hours to yank it out.....
This afternoon, I didn't have to yank it out...
Left Baby Toe
Nagging soreness/pain in my left baby toe.
Suddenly this discomfort appeared this afternoon during or just after lunch.
I didn't fall down or anything. BUt I think I got up from the floor a couple of times...
Somehow after lunch, I noticed I'd felt some pain in that toe...
I couldn't walk properly too. Couldn't rest my weight fully on that foot.
The baby toe seems very slightly swollen...
I hope it's just a small sprain or something...
Suddenly this discomfort appeared this afternoon during or just after lunch.
I didn't fall down or anything. BUt I think I got up from the floor a couple of times...
Somehow after lunch, I noticed I'd felt some pain in that toe...
I couldn't walk properly too. Couldn't rest my weight fully on that foot.
The baby toe seems very slightly swollen...
I hope it's just a small sprain or something...
But...
I love my kids.
I appreciate the chats we have before they drift off to lala land...that's when they sometimes tell me about their day and what they did in school or what their favourite friends did and so on...
But sometimes.
I can't help but think..
That the 1.5 to 2 hours I spend each night trying to get them to sleep.....including all the effort spent nagging and sometimes threatening them....
Could be better spent checking off the stuff on my to-do list.
I appreciate the chats we have before they drift off to lala land...that's when they sometimes tell me about their day and what they did in school or what their favourite friends did and so on...
But sometimes.
I can't help but think..
That the 1.5 to 2 hours I spend each night trying to get them to sleep.....including all the effort spent nagging and sometimes threatening them....
Could be better spent checking off the stuff on my to-do list.
Friday, March 08, 2019
Weight
On 14 Feb, I was 48.8kg.
Went down to 47.8kg 2 days ago on 6 Mar.
Now I'm back to 48.1kg.
Slightly yo yo weight but with a downward trend.....Hope it stays stable now at 48kg....
Went down to 47.8kg 2 days ago on 6 Mar.
Now I'm back to 48.1kg.
Slightly yo yo weight but with a downward trend.....Hope it stays stable now at 48kg....
Girls.....
Nadya's current pet phrases when she knows she's wrong and at the losing end of an argument with me.
"Then I will roll my eyes at you!" OR
"I don't care what you do or say!"
And Alyssa being Alyssa, would just copy what Nadya does.
*facepalm*
"Then I will roll my eyes at you!" OR
"I don't care what you do or say!"
And Alyssa being Alyssa, would just copy what Nadya does.
*facepalm*
Animal Planet
Tim flies. And so, it's been what...5 or 6 weeks since I started showing animal photos every night to the girls before they sleep.
Some other notable animals that I've shown to them...:
Some other notable animals that I've shown to them...:
- marmosets
- narwhals
- the world's smallest frog
- beluga whales
- pangolins
- armadillos
- anteaters
- different types of snakes
- American bald eagle
- vultures
- great danes (the biggest dog)
- chihuahua (the smallest dog)
- lynxes (Alyssa seemed to like lynxes alot)
- sphynxes (the were intrigued by this hairless cat)
- mandarin ducks
Kind of running out of ideas of what animals to show them each night already haha....
This shall pass
It's a journey.
Times of ups and downs.
Times of more downs than ups right now.
But I believe that given more time, time itself will bring more ups back.
And I also think that given more time and effort and support, I myself will search for, find and bring back more ups too.
The floodgates open more easily these days.
Hair falls more easily too.
All I can say to myself is jiayou..ganbatte...你可以的!
This shall pass...
Times of ups and downs.
Times of more downs than ups right now.
But I believe that given more time, time itself will bring more ups back.
And I also think that given more time and effort and support, I myself will search for, find and bring back more ups too.
The floodgates open more easily these days.
Hair falls more easily too.
All I can say to myself is jiayou..ganbatte...你可以的!
This shall pass...
Monday, March 04, 2019
Conversations with a 5yr 5mth old
Nadya was talking to K the other day....
N: Dada, do you have air in your tummy?
K: Yeah, not feeling too good.
N: Mama has air in her tummy too.
K: Ok
N: You know, like this you won't need to carry a drum to a party. Just need to pat your tummy.
K: Trying to be smart is it?
N: No, Mama is smarter.
Haha thank you Nadya, for putting Mama on a pedestal...
Mama will strive to be someone you can look up to always...
N: Dada, do you have air in your tummy?
K: Yeah, not feeling too good.
N: Mama has air in her tummy too.
K: Ok
N: You know, like this you won't need to carry a drum to a party. Just need to pat your tummy.
K: Trying to be smart is it?
N: No, Mama is smarter.
Haha thank you Nadya, for putting Mama on a pedestal...
Mama will strive to be someone you can look up to always...
Endoscopy + Tummy Issues.....
The endoscopy last Thursday went well. It might be a minor thing to some people but to me, it wasn't that minor...
Most people in Singapore undergo sedation to do the scope. I went without it because the doctor was afraid sedation might affect my existing heart condition, however mild that condition might be.
There was an LA given to numb the throat and oesophagus and that was it. The tube that they stuck down my throat was as thick as my thumb. I remember my gag reflex went into action the moment it felt the tube going down the throat....I gagged and retched...and gagged and retched somemore...The nurse covered my eyes and ears with a towel. Coupled with the tube stuck in my throat, it felt a little claustrophobic.
They pumped air into my stomach to distend it so they could see better. It was uncomfortable. Not painful but very uncomfortable. My stomach muscles contracted reflexively several times as well. I retched and the air came out involuntarily several times in big belches. It was pretty embarrassing. I sounded like a hog.
I was glad it was over in 5-7 minutes. It felt more like twice the time taken though.
There was nothing found. Which is good. All results came out normal from the scope. No lesions, no H. Pylori bacteria, no ulcer, no breaks in the food pipe.
I don't feel very happy though. Because while there are no major issues, the diagnosis of whatever I'm having is still a very abstract thing to grasp, and to manage, and to treat.
The diagnosis is still that I'm having "functional dyspepsia". A presence of symptoms affecting the upper gastrointestinal system. Symptoms include nausea, vomitting, early satiety, bloatedness, smaller appetite, reflux, etc.
No medication to cure. Just lifestyle changes to manage it. Medications can only help manage the symptoms abit. And the doc didn't put me on any...getting me to try adjusting lifetsyle first....only seeing him in 3 months' time. Good luck to me in the meantime.......
Feeling nausea, bloating and lack of energy (breathless) everyday. It's like I'm having morning sickness, just that there's no baby. Gets worse when I'm in office as I can't lie down to rest or anything...and the aircon and bright ceiling lights don't help much too. Taking each day as it comes.
Fighting.....
Most people in Singapore undergo sedation to do the scope. I went without it because the doctor was afraid sedation might affect my existing heart condition, however mild that condition might be.
There was an LA given to numb the throat and oesophagus and that was it. The tube that they stuck down my throat was as thick as my thumb. I remember my gag reflex went into action the moment it felt the tube going down the throat....I gagged and retched...and gagged and retched somemore...The nurse covered my eyes and ears with a towel. Coupled with the tube stuck in my throat, it felt a little claustrophobic.
They pumped air into my stomach to distend it so they could see better. It was uncomfortable. Not painful but very uncomfortable. My stomach muscles contracted reflexively several times as well. I retched and the air came out involuntarily several times in big belches. It was pretty embarrassing. I sounded like a hog.
I was glad it was over in 5-7 minutes. It felt more like twice the time taken though.
There was nothing found. Which is good. All results came out normal from the scope. No lesions, no H. Pylori bacteria, no ulcer, no breaks in the food pipe.
I don't feel very happy though. Because while there are no major issues, the diagnosis of whatever I'm having is still a very abstract thing to grasp, and to manage, and to treat.
The diagnosis is still that I'm having "functional dyspepsia". A presence of symptoms affecting the upper gastrointestinal system. Symptoms include nausea, vomitting, early satiety, bloatedness, smaller appetite, reflux, etc.
No medication to cure. Just lifestyle changes to manage it. Medications can only help manage the symptoms abit. And the doc didn't put me on any...getting me to try adjusting lifetsyle first....only seeing him in 3 months' time. Good luck to me in the meantime.......
Feeling nausea, bloating and lack of energy (breathless) everyday. It's like I'm having morning sickness, just that there's no baby. Gets worse when I'm in office as I can't lie down to rest or anything...and the aircon and bright ceiling lights don't help much too. Taking each day as it comes.
Fighting.....
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