Of reminders and food for thought

如果你能够把你不是很擅长的做好
以后再做你擅长的东西的话
那你就是如虎添翼

感恩当下

我们生活的日常
就是要面对突如其来的无常

老了

K is having reservist these 2 weeks. While he can still send Nadya to school on most days, I need to send Alyssa to school and pick both girls up from separate places in the evening: one from childcare and one from student care. 

Then when we get home I need to settle their shower, work and dinner....

Yesterday, while helping the girls with their work, I was bending over most of the time...bending over their desks, which aren't exactly very high. When they were done and I was clearing up one of the desks...I bent over and then....

OW...

TMD.....

Right lower back started hurting...couldn't even sit properly...

It got better later on and I could sit with less difficulty but.....back's still aching after a night's rest. Can't do stretching much for now cos it aches when I stretch too much...

Sigh....

XOXO

Stared at the 2 girls last night while they were sleeping. And suddenly got overwhelmed by the love I felt for them. Started kissing their faces and stroking their hair. 

May you grow up well Nadya & Alyssa. Be strong and courageous and independent. Dream big and soar as high as you want to. Mama & Dada will support the both of you always. 

XOXO

大炮

Sometimes I get comments from colleagues like "It's Michelle leh! (of course the work is good)" or "Don't worry, we have our guru Michelle here with us."

I don't profess to know alot. I am still learning things and finding out little nuggets of info here and there, even after 13 years with the company. Neither am I exceptional, compared to some others out there and I am vastly pale in comparison to the scholars. 

So sometimes it does make me a little uncomfortable when I receive such comments. I may feel "shiok" when I first hear them but actually, I don't want this to create unnecessary false impressions and high expectations of me from others, especially people whom I've just met. 

I don't want to disappoint or fall short you know. Like..."I thought Michelle was a 9/10 but actually after working with her, I realised she's only a 7.5". 

When the plate is overflowing

Breathe Michelle. One thing at a time. 

One thing at a time. 

One thing at a time. 

One thing at a time. 

One thing at a time. 

4Fingers

I'm suaku. I know Korean Fried Chicken (KFC? haha...) has been around for quite awhile but I've never really tried it. 

Was at Ally's place on Boxing Day but I only had maybe 2 small pieces of the chicken that I ordered from ChickenUp. It was not too bad so I thought I'd order some today to try again. Ended up with 4Fingers as it showed up on my Deliveroo app that was near us. 

I ordered the fried chicken bites with soy sauce. 

I didn't enjoy it. Too heavily seasoned for me. Too salty, too sweet, too fried....I think I was fine with 2-3 bite-sized pieces or maybe 4 pieces if I stretch it a little. I was struggling beyond that...taste was cloying and over-the-top....Even MacDonald's (for all its junk/preserved/processed food titles...) feels cleaner & lighter to me haha. 

If all such Korean fried chicken have sauces like this...then I think it's not my cup of tea...
I prefer simpler chicken lol...grilled, roasted, BBQ-ed, lightly fried, not too much batter or sauce...simpler and more bland works pretty good for me lol....

I must be one of the rare folks around who doesn't like Korean Fried Chicken...

Of neighbours and friends and ...itching

Stephanie & Jeremy moved out 1.5mths ago. Serene & Chin are shifting out next Monday. Suddenly our 2 closest neighbours are gone. One rental tenant's coming in I think and Serene's unit was sold to a lady from China with a young kid and a husband from not sure where. 

I hope they're nice and that we can get along well with them like how we got along pretty well with Stephanie & Serene's families. 

===============
Been itching since 3 Jan. Not sure what triggered it. Dust? Hamsters? Food I ate?

Eyes itch from time to time and they feel better after eye drops. Face is itchy, especially the cheeks, and skin feels tight sometimes. Nose is flaky. Sometimes my forehead near the eyebrows are also dry.  Nostrils are itchy and sometimes I rub my nose so much it feels raw and the skin turns red. Sometimes my nose feels stuffed up and difficult to breathe. 

There are strange times when even the soles of my feet itch. 

Been holding off on popping any Zyrtec. Maybe I should pop one soon? To get rid of any allergy I might be having?

===============
Renovation at Serene's unit will probably start in the next 2 weeks. Heard that it'll be a major reno as the new owner mentioned to Serene that they want to do a major overhaul and remove all existing fixtures and fittings in the unit. 

:( I hope they don't hack away the marble and parquet flooring. I hope it doesn't get too dusty also. 

My nose, eyes and skin cannot handle anymore dust...*wails* 

Wishes

2021. For the year ahead, I hope to:

• Continue learning how to manage myself even more, and maybe discover new facets of myself
• Find the strength, courage and determination to keep up with walking and build it up to something more slowly
• Learn and grow more in terms of work, and how to manage people better
• Keep up with hobbies
• Keep up with relationships, be it family or close friends
• Continue with the decluttering here and there
• Stay grounded, positive and hopeful!

2 weeks' leave + decluttering

22 Dec 2020 to 5 Jan 2021. 

Still had to contend with clearing some work. Sometimes even clearing email drafts via Whatsapp or Teams on my phone. Ran various errands. Did some frantic Xmas shopping and wrapping of gifts. And packed parts of the house. 

Didn't get to rest or nuah as much as I hoped to. But oh well...just gotta suck it up. 

Spent some time to declutter my online stuff as well. 

• Unfriended some folks on Facebook
• Deleted some very old messages on Facebook Messenger
• Deleted some very old Whatsapp messages, group chats, etc
• Deleted some very old contacts in my phone as well
• Organised my emails abit more

K threw out half of the stuff in the storeroom. I was pleased haha. It was the first time anybody cleared it out. Stuff accumulated over 6.5 years. Gosh.

I cleared out bags of the girls' stuff as well - old books, old and broken toys, tons of random drawings and doodles, many old art pieces from school, old clothes, old this, old that....Threw out my own stuff as well and organised my letters and papers. Think I threw out at least 6-7 black rubbish bags worth of stuff. It felt good as well. 

Thing is, clear liao but...there still seems to be so many things in the house!!! Lol...

And I still have 6-7 boxes of stuff that I was forced to bring back home from my parents' place which they've since sold. Need to spend some time sorting through and repacking them into new plastic boxes we recently got from IKEA. 

Bienvenue 2021

2020 went by in a jiffy. It was a blur to me. Days and weeks and months melded together. 

While there were losses, there were gains as well and more importantly, I think the gains outweighed the losses.

I started working from home in March and my last day in the office was 21 March 2020. Circuit Breaker started in the first week of April and it was madness for that 1-2 months. Home-based learning took alot out of me. Juggling Nadya's online and offline schoolwork, with Alyssa's offline worksheets, and my own work brought me numerous challenges. I was a frantic octopus, kancheong spider and impatient bull all rolled into one. I suddenly had to deal with meal planning on a daily basis too, not just the weekends. And not just one meal a day but at least 2 out of 3 main meals.

April and May were challenging alright. I lost count of the number of times I made Nadya cry early in the morning when I was trying to supervise and guide her in her work. Math was especially challenging and my BP must have been higher in those 2 months too.

It was a big relief when June came and schools were allowed to reopen. No more videos for kindy lessons and no more primary school online lessons. No more lost tempers lol.

Other challenges included things like not having a proper work desk and chair, not having access to aircon the entire day, having discussions via concalls and video-calls, handling new bosses, etc. There was a period of time I was working on my bed everyday. Till I had various aches. I ended up with a very small desk and a swivel armchair that I managed to squeeze into a corner of my bedroom. The rest of the issues...well, you just live with things and get used to to them.

And...the good stuff that happened in the year that I am thankful for.

1. The girls learned how to cycle in the May/June period. They had their existing bikes and balance bikes. With nowhere else to go, they were on their bikes in the carpark most evenings. K eventually ordered kiddy bikes from Decathlon and the girls very quickly learned how to ride them.
2. I didn't have to contend with my anxieties of taking public transport to and from office. And I saved a ton of time with commuting out of the picture. Easily 2hrs plus of my time each day was freed up. And not having to go into office meant I didn't have to dress up or put on make-up or make sure my hair was nice enough. :) That saved time and effort too. 
3. I had to experiment and come up with some new stuff for meal plans. One of the best things I experimented with was rice balls haha. Delicious. Alyssa loves them and K does too...:)
4. I went off my anti-acid medication, having taken the last Omeprazole pill on 23 Mar 2020. Most of my meals are now home-cooked ones. My stomach feels better and I can take more things compared to the middle of last year. 
5. I got more time and flexibility and went for more (and longer) walks. I hope to continue this though and build up on it. 
6. K got to experiment with his baking stuff. We went ballistic and made tons of banana cakes over a week. One or two a day...lol...and gave them out to relatives and friends. 
7. We tweaked our daily schedules and now K fetches the girls back home from school everyday, instead of us heading to my inlaws' place for dinner. Now we settle everything at home ourselves. 
8. I took on a new challenge at work, expanded my portfolio by a considerable amount, inherited 3 new staff, hired another new staff for my team, and am learning and growing in terms of work. Blessed and thankful to have 2 good members on my team who are steady enough. The other 2 junior staff are a handful sometimes and miss the mark but...I'll see how it goes. Thankful too for the big lady boss who thought of me for the expanded role, the big boss who supported the idea, and my immediate boss who also supported the idea and has given me alot of support and encouragement. 

There are definitely some other good stuff that I am thankful for but I'll stop at these main ones...

May 2021 bring an abundance of good stuff to the girls, K and I. And may we stay blessed, happy and healthy always. Onwards and upwards!! Huat ah!

Boxing Day

And suddenly....whoosh! Xmas Eve and Xmas Day 1 is over. 

I think I've not been eating enough carbs these few days + neckaches + some measure of anxiety and frustration have led to me feeling a little fatigued and exhausted on some days. Especially on Xmas eve and even on Xmas morning itself. 

Some frustration because...I took 2 weeks' leave to have time to unwind and have some time to myself and settle the things I want to settle (packing the house, nuah-ing, etc)...but I ended up still having to handle some pieces of work, and there are also some team lunch obligations I have to deal with. I'm anti-social these days...I don't want to keep meeting office folks, especially NOT WHEN I AM ON LEAVE. But some obligations...I cannot quite refuse...sigh. I don't deal very well these days with too many social stuff. Drains me of my energy. 

A little grouchy, a little touchy, a little sensitive, and a little itchy. 

Itchy cos...I've been doing packing and throwing things away. And stirring up dustballs. My eyes are a little itchy, my nose is a little irritated and my face is itchy too. I wear a mask at home now when I'm packing lol.  

Just want some quiet time tonight...to either watch videos, listen to chill music, or colour or read...

And oh ya, reminder to myself to take more carbs like rice and noodles...I need the starch...it's like my battery fluid. 

And oh oh ya, K packed the storeroom yesterday and emptied half of it...We threw away tons of stuff. I'm happy. :) 6.5 years of accumulated junk. Reduced to half...yay. My own Marie Kondo...

To the Lady Who Was Crossing the Road While Using Her Phone

Please be careful. 

Please keep your eyes off your phone when you are crossing the road. 

If you want to kill yourself on the road, by all means, we will respect your decision. 

But please don't bring harm to innocent drivers. 

Don't suddenly appear from behind a parked tall van and continue crossing the road, head down and concentrating on the phone, like you own the road and the whole world will stop for you. 

Please be careful. 

You are someone's sister, daughter, mother, wife, friend and loved one too...

不错的一天!

Today was one of those days I felt I did alot of things haha..

• 8am. Blood test @ Bedok Poly.
• Bought stuff from Watsons before heading home. 
• Had breakfast, settled work, had a discussion
• 1120am. K came back from doing the groceries and we went to Nadya's school to collect her school books for next year. 
• We had lunch at Parkway's Yi Dian Xin, bought some stuff, then went home.
• Cleared some work again, then showered and did my make-up while attending the parent company's year-end event. Think of it sort of like a virtual D&D with some lucky draw thrown in.
• Had some concurrent work discussions as well while listening to the event.
• Ran off for the Duckie dinner appointment at 550pm. 
• K picked me up, together with the girls. We drove down Orchard and admired the Xmas lighting and decorations adorning the buildings and streetlights.
• Reached home. Put the girls to sleep. Showered. 
• Clearing some work now before catching some videos and then calling it a night. 

Duckie Dinner

Had dinner with some of the Duckies today. EH, G & SS.
A 40yr-old, a 43 yr-old, a 49yr-old and a 62yr-old. lol...Odd combi lol...

Conversations tend to be dominated by one or 2 folks. Fine by me...but when it's like this 90% of the time, it does get a little tiring. And when 90% of the time, things are revolving around the same topic/issue, it does get a little tiring too. Wasn't a gathering supposed to be an update session of sorts from all parties? 

Still, I was happy to see all of them. It's been 2 years since I last saw G & SS! How time flies. I remember how I gained the courage and inspiration to get myself checked out by a psychiatrist after I heard SS' story of how he went for counselling to overcome some of his difficulties and to learn how to manage his (very trying) relationship with his mother. 

I am still thankful to this day that I had dinner with G & SS on Boxing Day in 2018. 

Main topics centred around health issues today. I noticed it's been this way with a lot of catch-ups in recent years with various folks. Health, kids, work. 老了，大家都老了...

Food was good as usual at Cedele. Fish Coriander Pesto Pasta is my go-to main dish at Cedele. Always. Except that today, at this outlet at Wheelock, it had a whole lot of edamame thrown into it. At least 2-3 tablespoonfuls. I have quite some disdain for those beans and had to pick them out. Luckily they were concentrated at one portion of the pasta and the beans were big enough to be picked out easily haha.

The pasta & grilled seabass were still excellent. :)

Lobster

And so yesterday...

Laoniang did a calendula peel-off face mask. I'd done it several times in the past with NO ISSUE. I even did a patch test last time to be sure I'm not allergic to it. 

Just applied it yesterday and received a call from my legal counsel. Originally intended to lie in bed for awhile but with the call coming in, I started walking around and unknowingly popped by my balcony for a few minutes (maybe 5mins or less?) and then went back into my room. 

After I put down the phone. I went into the bathroom and saw that the skin areas where the mask was on seemed pink...hmm...was I seeing things? Cannot be...I've used this before and I had no allergies.

Went to a different mirror under different lighting and saw the same thing. Things didn't look right so I took off the peel right away. By then the mask had been on my face for 15mins. 

FML. 

My face was red, even after rinsing with water. Circles around the eyes and around the mouth where the mask was not applied were ok. Skin felt quite warm too but at least it was not itchy. 

All I could think of was...oh shit shit shit... I need to go to the doc now!

I looked like an idiot with a pink face and 3 circles around the eyes and mouth. K said I looked like a strawberry. How considerate of him to describe me in a nice manner. 

Was quite kancheong cos...face leh!! OMG.....

So off to the doc we went...Doc said some products are rich with Vitamin A which will make the skin look plump after using, but which can be quite photosensitive i.e. dun go into the sun while using or immediately after using. 

The sun? 

Oh ya, I was in the balcony while using the mask....but even that partially shaded light could cause such a reaction? And I was only out there for less than 5mins too....Maybe my skin's more sensitive....

Was given anti-histamine...

I was thankful for the redness went away on its own within 30-45mins...I still popped a pill just to be sure. 

K was laughing at me....and at the whole situation....lol.

Praying for Peace

I just want a peaceful December to close off the challenging year. 

For some reason though, I still have...

• A contract negotiation going on where both parties are making life difficult for each other. If the almost 20-year partnership falls through, it will be an operational nightmare for my team and the technical guys.
• 2 big government-related enforcement cases that are taking long to conclude...and one of it has gone all the way up to the Ministry level...zzz..

Praying for peace, an alignment of stars and all things nice, and things to smoothen themselves out soon...

Soon-to-be Grandma!

First time ever that I had a T. Ionantha bloom under my care. As usual with Ionanthas, there were 2 stamens.

The first bloomed on 6 Dec and the second stamen bloomed and revealed its stigma this morning. 

I learnt some tips from YouTube and with a small paintbrush, I've collected the pollen from the stamens and pollinated the stigmas....

Let's hope there'll be seeds in the future! 

Once the blooms wither in the next few days, this plant will be pushing pups out thereafter. I hope there'll be at least 2 pups.....yay, I'm gonna be an Ionantha grandma soon! 

Thankful

But. 

For all the laments. 

I am still thankful.

I should be.

For.

I have a roof over my head, clothes on my back, food on the table, and a job. 

I have a family I love deeply.

My parents and inlaws are generally well, able and fiercely independent.

I have a helper.

I have friends I can talk to and who understand me.

I have friends who still stick around after all these years.

The girls are growing well. 

I have a good boss, nice colleagues, a smart big boss, and an equally smart big big boss who provide good guidance. 

I am able-bodied and relatively well enough. 

感恩

知足

What gives?

When 5 hours of your workday was taken up by calls and meetings...

When you have other things to rush out...

When your staff are waiting for your guidance and pointers on how to proceed with difficult cases

When you bosses are waiting for your updates on policy issues that are in the Ministry's radar

When you could not read a storybook to your daughter during dinner

When your kids and husband are waiting for you to settle work and finish dinner before going out as a family for ice-cream

When you feel your stomach tensing up again

When that bloody ache in your neck and left shoulder has brought about a slight headache now as well

What gives?

Pray tell, what gives?

==========

Wolfed down dinner in 12mins because the kids and Kyne were ALL waiting for me to be done with dinner before we could head out on our usual Friday night jaunt to a dessert place. Didn't want to disappoint any of them. 

I hope my stomach won't act up. Eating too fast triggers reflux too.
It's been a not so good week for my stomach...cramps last Saturday, queasiness on and off for the rest of the days...Diarrhoea on Sunday night and last night...

I hope it settles down soon. K wants to head out for another ramen fix...

忙

When you're busy and inundated with calls and emails...and you can only start working on your to-do item for the day at 445pm.....

When you look back at your whole day and afternoon and wonder what shit have I been doing?!