thoughts

Didn't realise I've not posted here for 2 weeks already.

Was busy at work...

Was busy for the last week as well because Peanut fell sick big time.
Had to take halfday childcare leave on 3 separate days...

Can't quite recall what else I was busy with also lol.

Other thoughts occupying my mind include my role in my workplace and how should/could/would I be able to tweak it so that :-
(i) I can make myself more relevant to the company and play a more important role
(ii) I can develop myself abit more
(iii) I can guarantee a few more years of career here...

For all the planning and organising that I do in my daily activities...(and those who know me well know the amount of detail that goes into it at times...)
The big irony is that I suck at planning my own life and career...I really suck at it.

I'm 37 this year. Either I take a bolder move now or I remain stuck when I hit the big 4?

I don't know...sigh.

Windows to my Soul

When I was in my 20s, I used to wonder how long I would wear contact lenses for. 

The answer has come to me. 

I'm 37 this year. I've been wearing contacts lenses since I was 18. That's almost a good 20 years. 

I wore them on a daily basis, whenever I stepped out of the house. Unless it was to the neighbourhood shops to run errands. When I started working, I wore them almost 12 hours a day. Even longer if I headed out after work. And I wore them for even longer periods of time during days that I went clubbing or pubbing. Not that those days were many. 

In the last 3 years, since Nadya was born, I started wearing glasses out abit more than usual. When Alyssa came along, it was a given that I wore glasses on weekends. 

And alas, in recent months, my eyes started their protest. Maybe I've not been treating them well over the years....they cried foul when I wore contact lenses. They grew tired and weary of contact lenses and sometimes even if I wore glasses, they'd give me a tough time too. It was almost as if they were telling me "you have worked us hard for so many years....please let us rest more now..." 

So yeah. 

I've been wearing glasses to work for several weeks now. At least 2 months actually...contact lenses are now reserved for special occassions like CNY or Xmas or when I have events where I have to meet many people....

Other than that...glasses seem to be the way to go already...

I was told by the eye doctor previously......."You are young but your eyes are old."

Well, my eyes are older than they should be due to my high myopia. 

Born with them. Myopia runs in the family. 

Though I am the only one afflicted with very high myopia. 

Bopian. Sigh.

Friend?? I guess not.

And so I did it again. (I shouldn't have actually but no harm trying right?)

I approached someone online whom I considered a friend. Even though he went MIA for a long time. I IM-ed a "hi".

Met with a closed door on my face. He went offline.

Ok, point taken. You do not want to have anything to do with me anymore.

But I hope you do remember how I helped you out a little when you were down in the dumps. I need not have loaned you that $1,000 but I still did. You asked for $2,000 or $3,000. I gave you partial of that amount. You got your ass burned badly and dragged down your entire family. It was something I found out later through our mutual friend. I hope you learned your lesson and I hope you picked yourself up after that.

But if this is how you burn bridges.....alright....so be it.

p/s: I approached you not because I wanted to ask you to return the money. I've already written it off as a bad debt 8-9 years ago.

Granny

Yesterday, 7th February, was Granny's birthday.

Happy birthday Granny!

I hope you had fun up there with Ipoh, Tuanku, Uncle Benny and now Uncle Bobby....
Were there popiah and buah keluak? Or telur geragau. Or bubur chacha. Or nasi kuning? Or ikan assam? Or......

I miss you...

Mortality

As we grow older, as our parents grow older and as our relatives grow older, mortality and its finite nature looms more and more into view.

We gather on festive occasions. We try to get-together on some other days as well. With each gathering, the human spirit seems to sense that days are slowly but surely getting numbered.

Gatherings between the older generation relatives are still spritely and gay, though sometimes, you can sense the darker and more sombre undertones. When the female aunts and your mother sit together and talk in softer tones in a corner, about falls and fractured wrists, operations and kidney tumours, about high blood pressure and bad joints, high cholesterol and diabetes. When the uncles and your father sit together at a table, playing blackjack and sipping wine and you see your father politely decline a second can of beer and another glass of wine because you know, too much alcohol in your 70s is probably not a good thing.

You start to realise too. That the elders who seemed to be strong and proud superheroes when you were a wee child are now still your superheroes. Just that they've lost weight and don't stand as tall as they used to before. That they are just that little bit more hunched over, with more wrinkles and weathered smiles. That maybe some of them are wearing glasses now when they didn't use to before. But their hearts and spirits are still the same. And that's what's important.

We celebrate new births and see the new generation grow bigger day by day. Sometimes, we tend to forget that the elder folks are doing that too. Growing older day by day.

Just received news last evening of a distant uncle who passed on. I last saw him several years back. While we were not close, news of his death still brought me some amount of sadness. He was young by my standards. 70 only. Taken away by cancer. His older brother, whom I liked alot when I was a child, was taken away by lung cancer maybe almost 10 years ago. Both were heavy smokers.

I hope Dad and Ahgor are ok. They are both older and are attending his wake this afternoon. They were cousins who played together in the same house when they were kids. I should give Dad a call this evening....

Rest in peace Uncle Bobby.
You can now start playing mahjong with Gu-gong, Ipoh, Uncle Benny and Mama.

jiayou!

I've not been very productive at work since December. It's the Xmas + CNY festivities...and the general holiday mood that's permeating the air.

I do some work...and then I take a break...and the cycle repeats.

Li chun is typically on 4 Feb. That means the change in Zodiac from Monkey to Rooster only happens then.

I hope the Rooster Year brings me better and more positive energies.

jiayou!

CNY

It's been a hectic 2 weeks. With a mad rush for CNY preparations. Not that I had to prepare alot of things though. But still the minimum of needing to clear up some junk for the house, getting some nice things for the in-laws, getting the angpows ready, making sure there are oranges at home, etc.

And so CNY day 1 & day 2 came and went already.....So fast!
I think Alyssa enjoyed herself somewhat. She got to go visiting and explored new places. She had the chance to see some dogs too.

Nadya had a fall on day 1 and sustained some cuts and bruises that got me quite flustered and upset. She had a deep cut inside her lower lip and had a big patch of scratches on her chin area below her lower lip. She cried badly and my heart got kinda scrunched up for the entire day after that...:(

It's CNY day 4 already and I'm glad to see that youth is really on her side and her wounds are healing faster that I expected.

Food. I was a glutton. Ate many snacks non-stop....and erm...sustained a cough and sore throat by the time day 1 evening came lol.

It was a so-so CNY. Nothing out of the ordinary...nothing very exciting.

I've yet to count the angpows the girls received. Maybe I;ll only do that at the end of CNY.
I've yet to count those me and K received too...:) Yes, even though we are adults...we still receive some angpows from some relatives and our parents. The Cantonese still do give out angpows to married couples....so long as you are younger than them I think....

Songs

Today, the OSTs of Descendants of the Sun and Goblin accompany me at work...

Both shows' OSTs are nice.. DOTS' songs are romantic and somewhat pop-pish.  Goblin's songs are whimsical, romantic, dreamy and romantic...

I think I will have withdrawal symptoms when Goblin ends its run on 21 Jan...:(

Past Few Days

Friday evening
Had an allergic reaction to some Indian food I ate. The dinner was part of the group's offsite activities. I felt a strange yet familiar itch starting from my insides as it radiated out to my scalp, my eye lids, lips, and arms...my eyelids are usually the first to get affected...

This time round though, part of my lower lip swelled up and also felt numb with a slight throbbing sensation. I started freaking out because that has never happened before. Wanted to leave immediately but I couldn't get a cab. It was Friday evening, and I was along Race Course Road....cabs were impossible. I couldn't even get through any hotline. Grab and Uber were useless as well.

I called K eventually and he came to rescue me....Took lots of water and an antihistamine pill and the hives and swelling went down by midnight....*phew*

Till now I have no idea what caused it. Could be a prawn I ate, could have been some of the spices that were used in the Indian food.

Saturday
Woke with diarrhoea. Xian max. Went to the doc immediately. Went to the toilet maybe 6-7 times throughout the day even with medication. I was still holding out pretty ok though. I could still look after the girls......

Sunday
The morning was pretty alright. Things changed after I had a late lunch at 1:30pm. By 2:30pm,  whatever I had for lunch ended up in the toilet bowl...It's been a long time since I last vomitted (I didn't even vomit once while expecting both girls) and the feeling of retching was quite bleah.

I was flat out and just lay in bed for 3 hours after that, half dozing, half awake.

Monday
Ok in the morning and afternoon, queasier in the night.

Tuesday
Back to work. Fingers crossed that my tummy will settle down soon.
It has been a queasy morning so far....


Last few weeks/days of the Monkey Year...jiayou jiayou...
Tides should be changing soon??

I wonder...

When I look at some people....they can sing, dance, act, play musical instruments, and are also good in a sport (or two), and can cook, and do well academically...and they look good...

Then I look at myself and wonder...

What am I good at?
What can I do?
What have I achieved?

Yes, I'm 36 going on 37 but I do still have self-bashing moments.......

Gong Yoo

It was through the movie The Crucible that I came to know about the Korean actor Gong Yoo. The move was released internationally as "Silenced". I'd read about it and decided to watch it online one weekend back in 2012. It stirred my emotions up so much that I researched on the movie, its background and its main actor Gong Yoo.

I started liking him since then. He was the one who championed for the production of the movie and in the midst of doing so, brought much attention from the entire country (of Korea) to the plight of the disabled children who were abused. The social uproar the movie caused eventually even brought about positive changes to the country's laws on handling abuse cases. Now that's something.

He isn't just a pretty face. At least he got out there and did something to bring attention to a social issue, even if indirectly.

I don't really chase K dramas. But during that period of time when I first came to know of Gong Yoo, I ended up watching the show "Coffee Prince". It was actually released in 2007 and I only knew about it and watched it 5 years later in 2012.

While he hasn't exactly been very active in the drama scene....he has got here a silent supporter. :)

And so now he has a new show "Goblin"...this silent supporter is doing what she has never done before...she's actually chasing the show now haha....

Peanut @ 15 months

She's such a cutie. Very lovable. Quick with her smiles and cheeky grins. Her actions are charming and totally adorable.

Height:
Roughly 77-80cm
That's 50th percentile for her age

Weight:
Roughly 9.5kg
That's also around 50th percentile for her age

Speech: 

• Besides the baby gurgles, her speech pattern resembles our speech pattern more these days. 
• She can say "mama" and "dada" and "cheh cheh" and also..."cheese" lol. I didn't expect that one of her first words would be "cheese" but it is. Maybe her love for cheese helped haha.
• It's been 2-3 months but she still says "shhhhhh" when you ask her to say "fish". Hahaha.

Comprehension:

• She understands "give (someone)", "pick it up", "stand up", "sit down", "no", "milk", "mum-mum", "change diaper"......
• She also understands "tiger", "lion", "dog", "head", "nose", "eyes", "mouth", "head"...
• She understands her favourite foods too. Stuff like "papaya", "watermelon", "mango"...and or course "cheese". I think she understands "bread" as well.
• She will respond with her version of a roar when you ask her "What does a tiger say?" or "What sound does a lion make?". She "barks" when you ask her what sound a dog makes...

Motor skills:

• She can walk on her own, although she is still not too steady yet. BUT...she chooses to hold on to our hands and walk because she knows she can walk and run faster if she is holding on to us haha.
• Her pincer grip is getting quite good. Maybe because I have been giving her small pieces of snacks for her to feed herself. :)

Food:

• She's not a milk junkie like her older sister but she loves her yoghurt melts, cheese and biscuits as much as her older sister does lol.
• She started out on porridge earlier than Nadya did. 
• She hates sweet potato and pumpkin
• She loves potato, carrots, papaya, mango and watermelon. 
• Cheese trumps EVERYTHING. Lol.
• She seems ok with pork, chicken and fish (though the fish needs to be fried)! Thanks goodness.

New foods for her to try soon:

• Baby pasta....She spit it out the first time we tried it a couple of months back. Hopefully she'll be more open to it soon. 
• Barley
• Oats. Same thing. She didn't take to it the previous time I tried. Hopefully she'll take it better now....
• Honey?
• Yoghurt?
• More eggs

And it's January 2017

New Year. Fresh start.

It's a slight deviation from my past years' thinking where the difference between 31 December and 1 January is only that the date is not the same.

This year...I hope for the fresh calendar year to be a new beginning of sorts. A clean slate again. A fresh start to things. Brand new year, brand new start, brand new hope, brand new fulfilment.

I wish for the girls to be happy and healthy and strong.
I wish for K & I to be happy and healthy too.
I wish for both my parents to be strong, healthy, happy and for many more years ahead of them. 

I've in mind some stuff that I hope to get going in the months ahead...
I hope I don't get distracted or lose the motivation....

Fighting!!

Friends

Parents are leaving on a cruise today.

At 1-plus, after lunch and while the cruise ship was still docked in Singapore, my mum whatsapped me a photo. It was a group photo of my parents and all their good friends. All in all, including my parents, there were 5 couples.

I felt all warm and fuzzy looking at the photo and seeing all of their happy smiling faces.

While I can't say I know each of the other aunties and uncles very well, I can safely say that I spent a considerable time with all of them when I was younger. All of them definitely saw me more often than my brother.

They all used to be members of the same country club and often went dancing or swimming or karao-k-ing together. My parents often brought me along with them...By then I was already in secondary school. On hindsight, it was actually odd for a young girl to be hanging out with a bunch of "oldies" haha...

That was some 20-odd years ago. Now the oldest of them is already in his 80s. Gosh...The youngest of them is at least 60 I think. All but one of them are retired. And each of them have their own fair share of health issues to grapple with.

What is heartwarming is that, everyone is still in touch with each other and still remain good friends. They explore places together, new shopping centres together. They go for senior citizen discounted buffets together and go for many cruises together. They lim kopi together and hog the seats at T3's foodcourt for 4 hours at a time just so they can chat together.

I think such friendships are hard to come by.

I'm happy for my parents to have such a circle of friends around them.

And I wish I would have my own similar circle of good friends too when I get to their age......

Now for another mad rush?

CNY!!!!! 28 Jan 2017.

Gosh, only a month more. Luckily I'd gotten my dress early on.
Now to concentrate on K and the girls and the stuff to get for both sets of parents....

I don't think I have the time to plan and execute a coordinated family look this year...
We went Peranakan last year :) And I'd actually hoped to do something cheena this year with cheongsams and such...but I guess...I'll have to leave it till next year haha...

Xmas 2016

It's been a long while since I'd last gone this long without a single post.
My last post was 9 Dec. It's 27 Dec today.

I guess it was a mixture of rushing to get everything ready for Xmas. Plus tending to the 2 girls. Plus tending to Nadya who was having a bout of diarrhoea. Plus attending various gatherings. Plus....Plus....Plus....

And so it was a whirlwind Xmas. From the months of preparations of all the gifts and the wrapping and the planning and research...and the flitting to and from 4 gatherings/parties. I had to miss the gathering with the sec school buddies this year due to a clash with K's family Xmas dinner.

I hope Alyssa enjoyed herself. While she may not understand the concept of receiving gifts yet, I think she had fun looking at all the different houses and she definitely had fun at my brother's place. She was shrieking and crawling and laughing and playing with balloons for a long time while she was there haha.

I think Nadya definitely enjoyed herself. She had fun opening her presents and she's gotten herself attached to several of those gifts. Namely, a pair of Frozen fork and spoon set from my parents, a butterfly bag from Ally and a Frozen storybook from my brother. I've had to go through every single picture on every single page of the book at least once, if not twice, for the last 2 nights before her going to bed. Mind you, there are 174 pages in that book. Zzzzzz... haha.

I'm happy to see the two girls happy.
I'm happy to see my friends happy.
I'm happy to see my parents happy.
I'm happy to see my parents happy when they play with the girls.

Today is Friday!

Thankful that I was part of the team to work from home today as part of my company's Business Continuity Planning exercise. We were role-playing a flu-pandemic scenario....

So yes, I didn't really do much work today. But I still had to stay online both on Watsapp and Skype as well as clear my emails promptly.

I was thankful though, for the opportunity to wrap the remaining gifts stashed away in the storeroom. And thankful to have had some time to finish crafting some of the gifts. I was wondering when was I going to ever have the time to do them up and finish wrapping the presents actually haha.

Am I all set for Xmas? I don't know. I hope so. I hope I didn't miss out on anyone's present!

Now lemme see....what should I wear for the annual Xmas eve party at my uncle's place...

hmm....mother liao but must still look nice...hmm hmm....:D

Of Songs and Classics

And so...these are the recent sound tracks we've been playing for Nadya...and....she's loving them...
I'm loving them too...:)

On occasion, we'd let her watch the videos on YouTube...When she's older, we'll definitely let her watch the movies as well. These are absolute classics that I love and I hope she would love too!

1. Shall We Dance - from The King & I 
2. Getting to Know You - The King & I 
3. Do Re Mi - The Sound of Music 
4. So Long, Farewell - The Sound of Music  
5. Spoonful of Sugar - Mary Poppins  
6. Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious - Mary Poppins 
7. Beauty and the Beast - Beauty and the Beast 
8. Bibbidi Bobbidi Boo - Cinderella 
9. So This is Love - Cinderella 
10. A Whole New World - Aladdin 

Things I am thankful for today

1. On hindsight, I'm just kinda glad that Nadya's sudden fever on Saturday was probably due to her teething. One huge-ass molar is cutting through her gum on the upper right corner. And it's making her cranky and painful as hell. Just glad that the fever was not due to something else. 
2. Peanut is walking already...:)
3. I'm wearing contact lenses today and my eyes seem pretty ok. Woot!
4. I had a lunch with PQ and TH. We chatted, gossiped and chatted somemore. Although talk revolved almost 90% around our kids and child-rearing experiences, at least it brought me some laughter and respite. 
5. I have a new monitor in the office. With better and sharper resolution so it helps relieve some of the strain on my eyes. 

Stuff I'm not so thankful for today haha...

1. I miss Peanut terribly.  I didn't get to interact much with her yesterday and I left the house today without seeing her because she was still sleeping. But she'll be going back to school tomorrow though...And I'm glad that we're going back to the usual routine of things. 
2. My eyebags. :p
3. My fingers are itching to do online shopping again. I've been doing too much of it recently...too much. 
4. I keep snacking!!

5 December 2016 Monday.

Peanut took her first unassisted steps on 5 Dec 2016. :)
At the "grand" age of 14 months and 11 days old.

I didn't manage to video it nor get any pictures of it but I shall endeavour over the next few days to do so. For posterity's sake. :)

She had been cruising for months and we were all waiting for her to gain just that little bit more confidence and bravado to walk on her own without holding onto us.

Voila, it finally happened.

She seems to understand that she's hit a milestone too. She seemed happier and more energetic yesterday haha.

Way to go little girl! Soon you'll be running around with jiejie. :)