Wannabe

Wannabe "artist".

I don't have much artistic talent. I don't have nice penmanship. And I don't have much artistic flair.
I am not that creative either. I doodle the same stuff over and over again.

But...I still like doodling abit here and there. And recently started watching some beginner videos on how to sketch.

Some initial sketches for posterity.
And it's my first time drawing a hand. It's looks like a hairy, wrinkly, old  and slightly misshapen hand though haha.

Reminds me of a young kid learning how to draw and shade. Like when I was in Sec 1 and my art teacher Mr Ling tried to get us to appreciate art....to no avail. Sir, I am more interested in it now than 25 years ago...not too late right?

Clarification

Whether at home or in the office. Part of basic communication is to clarify.

Someone told me this early in my working life "Ask and it will be given, Seek and you will find". I believe it is from the Bible. She shared with me this as she was encouraging me to do 2 things: (1) clarify when in doubt and (2) take charge of your own life and work, don't wait for others to spoon-feed you.

When things aren't clear, ask and seek clarification. It is the same at home or in the office or in a social setting.

But it does get demoralising when the other party you are seeking clarification from responds like as if you're an idiot or a slow person, or takes you for granted and barks a response at you, or loses patience with you just because he or she thought it was common sense.

When the initial communication inflow wasn't clear to begin with or was lacking, I should ask and seek clarity right?

Anyway. Whatever.

Hmm...

I was doing some research on the holding company of one of the partners I work with. And unwittingly stumbled across a photo of an ex-secondary school classmate.

Back then, she was a cheery, happy-go-lucky girl...ditzy at times, quick with her laughs and had a cheerful smile.

And.

She's the holding company's Group Financial Controller now. Wow.
Looking after the group's consolidated finances. That's operations and offices spanning across several countries both in and out of the APAC region. Wow.

When I encounter such instances, I sometimes wonder to myself....What have I done? What have I achieved? What am I doing? What will I be doing?

Sigh...

Then again, 人比人， 气死人....
同人不同命...?

Happy!

I had an appointment with a bank rep and then walked around abit after bao-ing my lunch.

I'm happy! I bought some stuff...My spoils are...

1. A small A5-sized sketchbook
2. 2B graphite pencils
3. An eraser
4. A sharpener
5. A black ink broad-tipped pen
6. 2 small storybooks
7. A doodlebook

Besides my terrarium stuff, my interest in sketching and doodling has recently been woken again. 

Learning how to sketch from whatever sources I can find both online and offline. The sketchbook, pencils and doodlebook will likely stay in the office for awhile as I don't think I can find time to indulge in any sketching while at home. At least in the office, I can spend some of my lunch time to do it. :) 

The storybooks will be with me in my bag. :)

Onward to more learning and sketching and terrarium-ing!

Reminder

I am still learning myself.

But I want my kids to grow up having empathy, honesty, sincerity, filial piety, respect for others, confidence and strength.

Changes

I hate to say this but I just realised that the Saturday evening just past was a milestone of sorts. For all of us. But especially for Adrian and Marc.

It was the start of many Saturday evenings going forward that Mei won't be with us at my parents' place.

Strangely, on that evening, I didn't realise she was not around, till I saw Marc sitting alone in the living room. And the girls didn't even ask about her or where she was.

In my eagerness as an auntie to "accompany" him, I may have unknowingly put some pressure or awkwardness on him though, as I tried to engage him in some conversation. Maybe he's not fully comfortable with me...maybe I should just take a step back...Back off a little and let things flow more naturally.

Afterall, this is a new situation everyone is still getting used to.

Let's try again this coming Saturday...

Genes

My brother and I are both sentimental people. But of course, he is the less emotional one with the steadier head and mind.

I wonder where we got our sentimental side from? Mum or Dad?

Dad is rather sentimental I think. I remember him toting his ukelele and strumming out songs. He had an entire big book filled page to page with handwritten chords and notes of various songs. We don't see this sentimental side of him often tough. He is the typical gruff and rough father, every sentence coming out from him would be with a grunt or grumble or complaint.

But he's the total opposite with the 2 little girls though lol...He'd gladly let them walk all over him and he'd go all high-pitched squealy-wealy with them hahaha.

I think Adrian and I both got our organisation skills from Mum. She's the planner, armed with lists of this and that and a to-do list of other to-do lists. She'd plan from Day-30 to Day +30 for an event maybe haha.

Have I digressed?

I can't quite recall now what I originally set out to write this post for. LOL...
Too early on a Wednesday morning.

I wonder what traits the girls inherited from K and I?

Note to self

Feeling quite zapped out over the past week.

Menses + Alyssa has been waking multiple times each night (She's having stuff nose and can't sleep well) + various engagements = An increasingly zombiefied shell

Ganbatte Michelle!

p/s: I should take that half day or full day leave soon.
p/p/s: I should take a half day leave soon to go cut my hair too...it's been 8 months since I last trimmed it. Hair's gone totally out of shape. :(

No more

And so it is final.

Adrian and Mae will split.

Things came to a sudden head. Discussions were swift and many took place in the last 1.5 months between themselves and between them and my parents. It didn't even take 2 months before everything was finalised.

It's all abit too sudden actually.

He came by the cafe near my place last night and we spoke for 1.5hrs. He gave me the lowdown on things, though it was unknown to him that I'd already known some of the details because Mum had updated me before he did.

I let him speak. I told him I was all ears. He said he may need to offload and download stuff to me in the future when and if the going gets tough and he needed an outlet to rant. I told him again that I'd be all ears for him.

I shared some of my concerns with him. He acknowledged them. I re-iterated Mum's concerns, which he already knew of, and he said he would assuage her worries.

He has lots of things to think through, plan and undertake in the next 6 months or more. The legalities, the Pasir Ris flat transactions, the Simei flat transactions and renovations, the Tampines flat, the moving in and moving out, the conflicts of interests at work,  the decision on when to move on from work, insurance, bank stuff, and a whole load of other administrative and paperwork that needs to be settled...

His workload is heavy enough and coupled with all these personal things to settle, his plate is overflowing. I hope he takes care of himself. It will be challenging for him mentally, physically and emotionally.

Jiayou brother...

Swept to the sidelines

Most people are generally nice.

But sometimes, along the way in the course of my work, I meet people who don't really give me attention or give me less attention, just because I am a senior manager and not an Assistant Director, or Deputy Director or Director...

Who says rank doesn't matter? :)
It does. Most definitely does...

Nvm...this 小绵羊 will just stay in her own corner and bide her time.

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Terrarium!

I devoted at least an hour each night over the last 3 nights to start a terrarium.

After I put both girls to sleep, I'd then scurry back to my room, huddle over the table in my balcony and work on it.

Things have been slow-moving. Mainly because I wasn't in a rush and I was taking my time. But also because I'd not done one in a long time and I felt a little rusty. And also because I was working in a new space with new materials and tools. And also because it was my first time using moss.

(Sidetrack: I really love Qoo10. Simisai also can buy from there. I got my live Holland moss from a very good seller on Qoo10. The same seller I'd been buying all my terrarium and some other craft materials from. For future reference, vendor on Qoo10 is "Zantelle".)

Day 1 - Built the bottom drainage layers of pebbles, spagnum moss and acitvated charcoal. Also put in the soil layer.
Day 2 - Transplanted the red and white fittonias. 4 shoots in all. 3 small red ones and 1 bigger white one. Trimmed their roots before transplanting.
Day 3 - Added in the moss. Topped up the soil. Tried to level the soil on all sides. Cleaned up the mess inside. Picked all dirt and soil off the moss pieces.

I doused it with quite alot of water last night because I was cleaning the dust and dirt up. Am letting it air out today before I bring it to office. Am going to display it at my new office cubicle.

My new corner in the newly renovated office. I've got more privacy now that they are giving us partitions between cubicles. Woot!

How the terrarium looks like now. May add some rabbit figurines soon...

Tillandsias

Day 2 of shifting back to level 12. After 2 months of renovation, we finally can go back to our permanent cubicles.

Brought my 4 airplants to the office today.
I hope they thrive in the office...

Turntable

I did it again. I bought something. A turntable.
Nah. Not aspiring to be a DJ of sorts. I bought a cake decorator turntable.

Not to decorate cakes though. I'm hopeless with baking.

To make it easier to shape and trim my existing plants and/or my soon-to-be bonsai plants.
To act as a base or counter-top to do up my terrariums.

Being able to turn the pots or bottles around 360 degrees on a turntable makes things easier. It also elevates the items up to my eye-level so I don't need to hunch over the table.

Getting older. I need tools to help me be more comfortable in my pursuits.

Gardening

Every once in a while, I'd go a little ballistic, have a rejuvenated interest in my hobby and buy a ton of stuff online for my gardening and terrarium-making pursuits.

I ordered almost $50 worth of bottles and decorative items and tools as well...I think the package should arrive today. :)

In the past few weeks I also made some smaller purchases of potting soil, fertiliser and such. Those were for cleaning up the garden...

This weekend, I'm gonna drag the girls down to a flower/plant nursery. I've already listed down an entire checklist worth of plants and stuff that I want to get. If I do manage to get most of the things on the list, that should set me back by another $100-$150.

I've got my eye on a particular mini bonsai that can be ordered online...together with some other plants...If I really get them...then it'll be another $100 or so.

I have a list of to-dos, including rooting my money plant, exploring the use of banana peels and epsom salt for plants, exploring growing garlic, re-potting my ficus, re-potting the boston fern, etc....

Here's to hoping that I have time to do everything on that list!!

Of smells

The train ride this morning was fraught with....unpleasant smells.

The guy on my right was actually ok....till the moment he picked up a call and started speaking. Oh...the stale cigarette smell emanating from his mouth...the smell only smokers or very heavy smokers have. I was very glad when his conversation ended after around 2-3 stations.

The lady on my left seemed to have layered half a bottle of perfume on herself...

And at some point when many people got on board the cabin I was in, there was a sudden strong smell of unwashed bodies...or it could have been a single person.

On days like this, I wish I had my mask in my bag instead of in the office.

Saturday conversations

Last Saturday morning.
The girl's were awake. I was still trying to wake up fully and I overheard their conversation in the hallway.

N: I am going to wake Dada up!
A: Ya. I am going to wake Dada up also!
A: Oh! Do you want to tickle Dada's feet?
N: Ok!

And then I heard them scampering over to the master bedroom. K was actually already awake so when they tickled his feet, he gave them an obligatory shriek of terror! Hahaha...

They laughed in glee.
So cute to witness them plotting together...:)

=================
We were in a foodcourt having breakfast. K was buying food and the girls were with me.
Nadya complained that she felt cold and laid herself across my lap. She then commented.....

"Mama, the fatness of your thighs keep me warm."

Couldn't decide whether to laugh or cry...Early sat morning kena suan unwittingly by my own daughter lol.....

Conversations with Teenagers

My nephew's gonna be 15 in November. He's in Sec 3 this year.

Since he was young, I hardly had anything in common to talk to him about. I'd usually only ask him about school, which results in almost single-word answers and short responses, and then the conversation dies off naturally on its own. At least K could talk to him about comics, manga and some other boy stuff.

I finally found something I can talk to him on...
Last Saturday evening I noticed he was listening to BTS on Youtube!

Wahhaha...I have the same taste in Kpop as my 14 year-old nephew. :D

Renewed Interest

I've always liked bonsai but to do one from scratch takes years (upwards of 10years to get a desired size and shape) and a lot of skills.
I however, am lacking in patience and skills.
Should I get a pot for myself? A small one that is easier to manage?
Perhaps I should.

I was at the library yesterday and borrowed a book on mini and super-mini bonsais.
Oh the splendour and beauty of these little pots. Absolutely gorgeous.
Super mini bonsais can actually fit on a fingertip or can be held between finger tips.
While they are easier to create compared to bigger bonsais, they still require alot of skills and care.

Some ideas running through my head.
Will mull on them abit more and decide. Currently leaning towards getting a small bonsai of my own and at the same time growing a cutting or seedling to be made into a mini bonsai.

Hope

It has been 4 years and 8 months
Since I last slept through the night
Without multiple interruptions
But I still harbour some hope
However meagre
That I will
One day again
Sleep through the night soundly
Trudge on
Chin up

Quote

"In the middle of the road, 

In the moment you want to give up,

Shout out even louder:

So what?"

- BTS <>