Sumiko Tan

Was reading an article of hers in today's Sunday Lifestyle...and realised that hey...it's exactly what relates to me...
Something which has bothered me alot at times..

Perhaps like what she says..I expect too much of others & myself...
And I rely too much on what others think of me and view me as...

The extract as follows:

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Mybe I've been disappointed too many times by too many people too often and am seeking comfort in cynicism.

Whatever the case, when I look back at my 20s and 30s, it does seem to be one endless period of seeking approval, striving to be nice and desiring to be loved and liked by the people I loved and liked.

Sometimes, the efforts were reciprocrated and I'dd be flying high.

But when they wern't. I'd beat myself up over it. What was it about me that they didn't like?
Was I not nice or understanding enough? ......

For too long, my happiness and sense of worth were tied to things beyond my control - how was I regarded, whether I was being thought aboyt, whether the phone would ring, whether I was considered worthy company for the weekend.

I need approval, my expectations of others were high, but I was setting myself up for disappointment.

Just because you want someone's life to reolve around yours doesn't neccessarily mean that he wants that too.

And even if he does, well, people are busy with their own lives too. You can't make another person fit your specifications and your demands just so you - and only you - can be happy.

And rather than behave in this unreasonable way, isn't it smarter to be more independent? To not have to deoend on others for validation?

The problem os - how does one go about making oneself happy, especially if like me, you don't particularly like your own company that much?