Saturday, February 25, 2006

it's end feb already...so fast...

5th day of taking steroids.
It's wreaking havoc on me...am on an emotional rollercoaster..mood swings like fuck.
Listen to Josh Groban or Buble can also cry like shit.
Cried myself to sleep last night.
Ridiculous.
And I think I have at least 3-4 more days of the dosage left...

argh.

=======
Watched BrokebackMountain just now with him...
Wrong show to watch on a Saturday afternoon.
Draggy, slow and well...perhaps its abit over-rated.
Jake Gyllenhaal & Heath Ledger were good though..and Jake's grin sets my heart aflutter.

=======
Had dinner at Blk 85...the bak chor mee...waited for 30 mins..
But what arrived was a disappointment...think their standard has dropped considerably..or maybe there was just too many people today?

=======
Haha...kinda looking forward to the possible meal at PS Cafe after I get well...=)

=======
Email correspondences again...
Me, the fool who can hardly express herself in person...yet feels more comfortable doing so via text and email.
Guess the leopard can never change its spots.

Friday, February 24, 2006

my precious moments cross-stitch

If I ever wanna embark on another cross-stitch again....please please please do me a favour...And remind me never ever to buy one that is just 9cm tall by 9cm wide...
Wth strings of hues so close to each other, I have to stare for at least 10 mins to distinguish one colour from the next shade.
And the holes in the cloth are just so tiny...kaozz...*faint*

The moment I started on it this afternoon...I almost went ballistic.
Cussing at my stupidity of buying it & the stupidity of the person who designated the colours.

But anyway, it got better after awhile lah...and after much perserverance...and after teling myself who it is for...=)

Nevertheless, think my degree will shoot up again after this project is duly completed.
Am hoping to finish it soon within this week.
Shouldn't be a prob...provided I don't get distracted by other things...

I didn't think you can get hooked on cross-stitch...Gosh, I sound like a such a homebody saying this...
The last time I finished one (also a precious moments piece)...I told myself that that would be the last time I'd ever do one.

But guess the joy & happiness & pride at completing one is so shiok to savour that the itchy backside me went to get another one...
So here comes the start of another cycle again of cussing, complaining, perservering, doing it, finishing it up, and feeling great in the end..haha...

Yeah I know...I'm bollocks...

I wanna sleep!!!!!!!!!

Argh..this is frustrating.
Sleep has once again eluded me.
Just when I thought I had it in my grasp..it slips away...leaving me wide-eyed, staring at the ceiling.

I pace the room. I stare out of the window at the pink skies. I listen to the droning of the air-con. I hear the sounds of the odd one or two cars pasing by through the night. I huddle under my quilt. I hug my pillow. I curl into a ball. I lie spreadeagled. I lie on my stomach, I lie on my back, I lie on my side. I pray.
To no avail.

I went to bed at 1am. It's an hour and a half later..
I'm still awake...my mind is as active as ever...

aw man.....
grrrrrooowwwl....
*pulls hair*

Thursday, February 23, 2006

it's thursday already...

Couldn't get to sleep last night...tossed & turned...
My thoughts were wandering..to places where I should not tread on.
Had to force myself not to think. Had to pull myself away from those weird & unhealthy thoughts...
That's what happens when I've got time on my hands..I end up thinking weird things...getting paranoid and all.

Dumbo..hahah...

======
Anyway, cleared some work stuff today as usual.
But am abit frustrated cos there's alot which I can't do whilst at home.
And lian is dying in office.

======
Some trivia.
Baked a brownie today!
An edible brownie! haha....
Am a happy lark!

Though I really wish he could be around to try it....

======
He should be in Suntec Tower 5 by now..talking to the CEO & HR...
*crosses fingers*
*silent prayer*
Hope it goes smoothly for him.
Yes...it will go smoothly for him. =)

Hope his meeting later with the bitch boss at 5pm won't mar his day too much...

=======
Gosh, it's raining already...

=======
Need to keep myself occupied...shall go do my cross-stitch now...or attempt to...hmmm...hahha....
Think the Korean DVDs are shouting out to me more...

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

family ties...blood is thicker than water....

I don't feel close to my family anymore.

Adrian speaks to me and tries to engage me in conversations. I try to reciprocate sometimes...though most of the time I just don't know what else to say to him. It's like there's a gap...though I still love him as my brother..

Mum & Dad..they've done so much for me..yet it sometimes irks me just to engage in a conversation with them..I mean I appreciate all that they have done for me...but I dunno...Same thing..growing apart I guess...

I don't like what I've become..
How did things become like this?

late afternoon ramblings...

It's been a long long while since I actually listened to classical music...
Don't know what came over me but I spent the whole day yesterday listening to it...today as well..

Listening to Symphony 92.4 whilst doing some office work which I brought home to finish up.
It's a refreshing feeling actually...me, hiding in the comfort of my room, no one to disturb me...with the music just playing next to me.
And I can concentrate on my work so much better than when I am in office.

Brahms, Yo Yo Ma, Chopin...haha...names which kinda slipped my mind...have just gotten revived in my head...

It's weird how being stuck at home can do to you...

=======
Just asked both Win & purpleskies if they see me in sales...both said No.
The lian said she sees me in mktg cos I write well and can crap nonsense....??? kaozz.....
As for purpleskies...she said she also sees me in a mktg/advertising/pr kinda role...and in her words...I'm the kind of person who's too nice..by the time I think of whether should I backstab someone, I kena stabbed first already...so I can't be in sales.

Hmm...revelations revelations....
If this ain't the first time people have told me this...there must be truth in it yeah?
=(

========
Sulking pig now...having a craving for the following stuff:

1. Fengshan Mkt Blk 85 Bak Chor Mee & Orh Luak
2. Zion Food Centre Prawn Noodles
3. Maxwell Food Centre Minced Meat Porridge
4. Oatmeal Prawns from anywhere!!
5. Creation's teriyaki chicken meatball fusilli pasta & brownie with vanilla ice-cream

6. Fish & Co's Seafood Platter
7. Mac fries
8. BK's Mushroom Swiss
9. Earth Kitchen's Mee Goreng & Fried Fish Noodles
10. White House's Nasi Briyani
11. Qun Zhong's Xiao Long Bao & Red Bean Pancake & Zha Jiang Mian
12. Laksa from anywhere!!
13. Chye Tow Kueh (black version) from anywhere!!


Argh.......constant calibration between food & weight....

my grand mama...

My grandma...in CGH...left knee in a cast...
Hairline fracture...sighzz...
90 yrs-old liao...

Visited her just now though I couldn't talk...haha...just used some sign language..hoping she'd understand...

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Ganbatte

I feel helpless at times
Being unable to be of much help to you
I can only be here for you
Lend you my listening ears
Lend you my shoulders
Give you my hugs

Whatever choices you make
Whichever directions you take
I'll support you whole-heartedly ya
Am behind you all the way

Hope things go through smoothly
Periods of adjustment there will be
But I'm sure we will and can do it
A matter of how we work our way around things

Ganbatte sweetie

Shut My Trap

Easier said than done man..
Haha..it's the 2nd day I'm not supposed to talk. But sometimes I just forget and start talking. Like just now, talked to mum, then we suddenly stared at each other when we realised that I was talking...haa..
Man-oh-man...must really put in a conscious effort to remind myself not to speak.

5-6 more days of non-talking..
Life is tough!

=======
After the Renu contact lens solution scare...threw away my old bottle and got mum to get me a new brand. Complete. Hope my eyes can get used to this new brand..

=======
Hmm...porridge has been my staple diet for these 2 days...tmr it'll be bee tai bak..wonder what can be on the menu for the rest of the week?
Rice for now is abit hard..if I take it, I have to chew it down real fine before I can swallow it..

=======
Dage dropped me an email last night. Was surprised to hear from him.
Regarding ahboy's possible offer & the weird working hours..Hmm...

Monday, February 20, 2006

If I Had You - Diana Krall

I could show the world how to smile
I could be glad all of the while
I could turn the grey skies to blue
If I had you

I could leave my old days behind
Leave all my pals and never mind
There is nothing I couldn't do
If I had you

I could climb a snow-capped mountain
Sail the mighty ocean wide
I could cross a burning desert
If I had you by my side

I could be a queen dear on ground
Humble or poor
Rich or renown
There is nothing I couldn't do
If I had you

the day's proceedings....

Got up early in the morn 545am..left the house at 615am...Reached, waited for my turn to register..was brought to my day ward, made to change into the OT gown & then I waited & waited..Someone then brought me to the OT recep area to wait somemore.

3 nurses of different nationalities came by to verify if I was I. Same questions at different times:
  • What's you name?
  • What's your IC
  • Where do you stay?
  • Is this your signature? (shows me a form)
  • Any drug allergies?
  • Do you know what you're here for?
  • Any other conditions?

As I was waiting I realised this time round, I was more nervous haha..cos I was still wearing specs and could see the things going on in the OT & all the nurses rushing around..There were even interns from NTU & NYP reporting for their 1st day duty...

Finally a China nurse came by to walk me over to my OT room. Wah seh..equipments galore...this time round, had a better look around..everything was so pristine, so metallic, so sterilised, so white...haha...

Lay down on the table and they all went about their businesses like clock-work..Anaesthetist went to work on me...wanted to put a plug in my left hand and damn it, could not do it right the first time..KAOZZ, had to poke me a 2nd time. bloody hell, was clutching onto my blanket clenching my teeth..

Anyway, they gave me an oxygen mask, injected the GA into me, I could feel the warm flulid oozing into me..someone said there would be a burning sensation..I mumbled uh-huh...and then I was zonked out...

Next thing I knew, I was up and groggy...and I heard someone say "Oh, she's up, can wheel back to waiting room aready"...to which I fell back alseep again..Back in the waiting room, I awoke again and climbed by myself from the trolley bed back to the usual hospital bed to await for the GA effects to die-out. I remember thinking to myself: "Wah, the op's over already?"

Slept, woke, slept, woke till about 2pm before I made my way home with ahboy...armed with a small bag of medication..

Sunday, February 19, 2006

little marc












This was taken on the 3rd day of CNY earlier this year...
After me & Adrian's visit to Ah Gor's place.

Mr Marc Sng was too tired out I guess..hahha..

pressie for him












haha..3-in-1 pressie.. anni gift - cum - completed biathlon - cum - good luck for interview GIFT.
The two flower soft toy thingies are actually magnets. and the little yellow handmade card was clasped in between them.
Gave him whilest we were tanning. Thought Eric was sleeping when I passed it to thim. Then Eric suddenly got up...paiseh..

NUS Biathlon 2006

Got up damn early on a Sunday morning.
Was out of the house by 8:15am...all set & ready to go support ahboy in his virgin biathlon!

Reached KM8 carpark by 9am. And walked over to the beach about 5 minutes away..
Wow, the whole place was littered with eye candy...of the male species. Chockful of them.
Tall, short, fair, tanned, Chinese, Ang Moh, Malay, Indian.
Had to control not to stare too hard...haha...Many "washboards" & "Vs" around too...=)

1st thought when I reached the place: "Aiyo..how to find him amongst the crowds?"
And then miraculously, within the next 30 seconds, he sauntered by, within 10 yards in front of me...haha...voila! I didn't have to go find the cow...the cow came to me.
Met Eric for the 1st time..nice guy.



The 2 happy blokes posing narcissistically.
His number was 5051, Eric's was 5067.
Hmm..think his trunks look abit gayish too...




Waited and hung around for awhile when their wave was called to gather and stand by. Wave number 5. And the horn soon rang.
Started the 800m swim at 9:55am. He came back at 10:20am. Plus minus 2mins. Spotted his bright blue trunks coming out of the water..haha..Didn't manage to see Eric come back though, but should be around the same time cos I spotted Eric at the transition area where they changed into running gear.

They started their run around 10:20am plus minus 2-3 mins. Did some tanning whilst waiting for them to come back.
Agar-Agar around 20mins later..made my way to the finishing point to await their arrival. haha...Same thing, didn't manage to spot Eric but he suddenly popped up in front of me, panting but with a huge smile on his face...sipping on a cup of Lucozade.
Hmm..he came back around 10:47.

And then we both waited..under a coconut tree..and yeah, we saw ahboy running in..10:55am. Woohoo!! He did it! =)) Completed his 1st ever biathlon! haha...proud of him..


After the race. Shacked out but happy.
Clutching goodie bag of anti-bacterial spray, T-shirt, Ricola sweets, muscle rub, and stacks of flyers.





But he was a muah chee after that..leg cramped up and he couldn't stop cursing. hahha..Proclaimed that this was gonna be his last biathlon ever...think 10 mins later he was still panting away..haha...

Anyhow, 3 of us popped by to Palawan for a bout of tanning after that..
End result: I'm slightly burnt now...with a red nose and red cheeks..
Haven't tanned for a long time plus the sun was biting today..

Sat night

Had high-tea at Phoenix Hotel on Saturday to celebrate BG's birthday...wonder how it feels to hit the big Three-O.

Went KBox at Cineleisure after that. Wah...1st song Gail sang was a Canto song.
My jaws simply dropped. *impressed* haha....thought she would be singing more English songs..haha...turned out otherwise..

And I can't sing haha...voice broke ever so often..could feel my throat constricting on me man.
And yah, came to a conclusion, I think the Dec karaoke session with Win, CH, Ah Kok & Lawrence did aggravate my vocal cords...haha...the by now infamous shell's cover version of "It's My Life". Original version by Bon Jovi.

kbkb time again...

It's funny how when things are quiet...it's really quiet & nothing happens.
Like at work..nothing to rush, nothing to hand in..all is peaceful & not urgent..

It's funny how when things get busy...everything else has to happen at the same time.
Like now at work.
When I'll be away for a whole week then:
  • A few big rental deals come in, coupled with a few other smaller deals. If it all works out, or at least the bigger ones, then I'll clock in $60-70K worth of deals in the month of March. Not that I'm comm-based or anything. More like the sense of achievement when you close the deal.
  • WSH needs to come up with plans for an event in 2 week's time.
  • I'm supposed to attend a meeting regarding one of the WSH partnership collaborations. I can't obviously & poor Elaine who's already super stretched has to attend in my place.
  • Corp Devt Dept needs the social report card...
  • The dumb safety pass which is super urgent has got PROBLEMS. AGAIN....
  • The Career 2006 event is coming up..and I won't be able to be on duty.

At home, Gran has just been hospitalised today at CGH for a hairline fracture. Fell when getting up from her bed in the middle of the night to go to the loo.

Ack.

vday rosie

My single stalk of rose on vday...
The one whose fragrance was so powerful that the moment you step into my room, it just overwhelms you.
I like the little bear hiding behind the heart..
There was also a little yellow bumble bee on the heart..though it seems abit blur here..


Wednesday, February 15, 2006

4 months after SGH...I'll be at NUH...

Just got back from NUH not too long ago.
Thought it would take only an hour or two at max. Turned out to be a full-fledged affair which lasted till 3-something. I was in the hospital for more than 5 hours.

It's been confirmed. I have to go for the op.
The medicine ain't working at all. And the polyp/nodule/growth/granular or whatever shit you call it is still there. Big, fat and protruding in my voice box.

It's scheduled for next Mon. Kinda fast but I thought, just get the hell done with it.
The quicker the better. It's gonna be a day op if all goes well, I can go home on the day itself, after I wake from the GA.

=========
But I'm not allowed to talk for a week after that...sigh...how not to talk ah?
And on the 2nd week after the op, I'm suppoed to only talk softly, quietly & gently...think i have to learn from Elaine...hmm..
Also, from the 2nd week after the op onwards, I have to go for a few speech theraphy sessions.
To strengthen my vocal cords, to let me learn how not to strain my vocal cords & lastly, to help me regain my original voice..

Hmm..didn't know such a simple thing can translate to so much other stuff.

========
Took a blood test just now too. Supposed to collect 2 tubes from me.
I hate it. Totally hate it. Thought I would be okay since I've gone through it a few times before.
But today's blood collection was almost a nightmare.
Got poked twice in my right inner elbow. Couldn't get the right vein. Poked and prodded.

The doc gave up & moved onto my left elbow instead.
Got the right vein. But the outflow was very slow so he twisted the needle & moved it around, while it was in my vein...kaozz...

Was squirming in my chair & holding my breath. All tensed up & wishing it were over soon.
Think I spent almost 15 mins in there...

========
I have to avoid oily, spicy, fried food & dairy products for at least 2-3weeks after the op.
Hmm...which leaves me with only 4 days to go enjoy whatever sinful things I wanna gorge myself with..

We are miles & miles & miles...away from a gracious society

Am wondering if I did something accidentally to my settings cos all my blogspot's account all in Chinese now..

Anyway, was extremely irritated by some of my fellow Singaporeans this afternoon.
Was at the NUH food court & the following scenes just irked the hell out of me.

1. Hordes of people looking around for seats. Yet there were a few tables of people who were there just sitting around and chatting, oblivious to the stares of hungry hippos who were looking for places to sit & eat. Some hapless chaps were even carrying trays and walking around trying to find seats.
Felt like knocking some sense into those table-hoggers. So much so for the word "initiative".

2. Order Yong Tau Foo for my lunch, wanted something light after my BBQ yesterday. The lady in front of me took her own sweet time to take her cutlery, prepare her soya sauce, chilli sauce, sweet sauce...
My food came for me and the lady after me. And she was still taking her time, causing a jam cos there was only space for one tray to be placed there to colelct our food...

3. Was carrying my soup back to my table when a dumb auntie bumped into me, causing my soup to spill a little. And my bowl rice almost slid off my tray.
No word of sorry. No word of acknowledgement. Not even a glance at me. And she just walked on. "What the fuck?" I muttered under my breath.

4. Was sitting at my table still eating while my dad went to get his dessert.
A few moments after my dad vacated the seat, someone took it away. I shouted at the person, saying that it's occupied. To which that guy put it back and said sorry. Ok, at least he apologised.
But ain't the basic courtesy to ask first before taking???
Funnily, I saw the same scene at another table a few minutes later.

5. Similarly, there were others who were looking for seats, and when they saw an empty seat at a table, they just dumped their tray on the table & sat down. Without even asking if the seat was already occupied or not.

6.Then there were some peeps who were waiting for others to finish their food. So they stood right over those poor sods eating their lunch. Staring at them eat, glaring at them eat. How uncourteous can you be?


And I'm talking about people ranging from their 20s to 60s...whom I saw today committing such deeds...
I was extremely irritated..more than rightly so...
Anyway, started the day on the wrong side of bed also.

But if you ask whether we have the essence to become a gracious society...
No, not in a long time to come...

......

Am going for my throat review tomorrow.
*crosses fingers* Hope I don't have to do the op...

Hmm..won't be going back office as well.
No motivation to work. Haa...tsk tsk..bad girl I know but what the heck..BOCHUP.

Shall spend the afternoon resting at home and maybe watch some DVDs or something.
Treat it like as if it were a Sunday afternoon...
Yeah, that's the plan.

Hmm..wonder where Ling & gang are going for BG's bday celebration on Saturday?
Venue's not been confirmed yet.

Counting down to Sunday..Biathlon day!
*silent support for my baby*
Will be there to greet him at the start and at the end...=)

Losing steam

The train chugs along
Slowly losing steam
Workers frantically dump more coal into its furnace
It helps
And the wheels roar into life again
But only for a short-lived while

It starts losing steam again
As its velocity grinds to almost half its usual speed
Chug-a-chug-chug
The wheels are feeling the strain
As each revolution takes place along the railtracks
Chug-a-chug-chug

The railtracks seem endless
Leading to nowhere in particular
Just going on and on
Far out into the horizon
Far out into the divide between night and day
Far out into come what may

And then I realise
I am that train
Chug-chug-chuggin' along
Move-move-movin' along
Who, what, where, when, why, how
Lose, losing, lost

my pri sch friend

Met up with Aik Beng on monday night for dinner & kopi.
That bugger's doing good man..even though he's in a temp job..think he's earning close to $4K a month!!!
With his comm & all...hmm...is selling conference & seminar seats that easy??

Been quite awhile since I last met him. Think it's been at least 1-over yrs ago.
Commented that my face looks puffier..haha...what an indirect way of putting things...

He's more outspoken now..I thikn the temp sales job has tweaked his personality abit.
His tongue's more glib now too. hahaa...and I must say he has interesting trains of thoughts & he is just such a positive guy...

Anway, he shared with me his music recordings too..
Self-recorded live unplugged, "sing & strum" versions of songs like Bizzare Love Triangle, the sond Adam Sandler sang in The Wedding Singer, Yue Liang Dai Biao Wo De Xin, Tong Hua, etc...
I think his voice has improved alot...he sounds pretty good!
In fact, some songs sound like as if he's a professional singer...

Wishing him all the best for his endeavours in OZ.
Wonder how long he'll be working there..if there's a chance, I'll go visit him in Sydney next time.
Can bunk in at his place & save $$...muahaha...and have a free tour guide too...hehe..

Vday

wtf? Is it me or is it me?
Just discovered that blogspot's webby today is all in Chinese??
Or is it a momentary lapse on their server? or mine??
*scratch head*

Anyway, here I am typing away...and the whole room's got a tinge of fragrance to it..
And it all but comes from a single stalk of rose...It's funny how just one stalk can produce so much fragrance...
He surprised me with it when we were about to drive home after our mini BBQ session haha...
Yeps, our mini BBQ session..the last time we had a 2-pax BBQ was in Oct '04 for my bday..how time flies.
Heh, played with sparklers too just now..and we both commented..our ages together add up to almost 60 yrs old..and we're still playing afool with sparklers...ahhaa...we were the only ones playing with sparklers...hahha...

But wahey, we both agree.
Everyday is a Valentine's Day. It's just a matter of whether you want to put in the effort or not.

It's our 636th day together on Vday...

Saturday, February 11, 2006

Inertia

I'm 26 this year.
Crossing over to the late-twenties region soon.
What have I done?
What have I achieved in my life so far?

I sit in Rohlin's shop and I ponder.
I look at Peiqi being a branch manager having a whole bunch of peeps under her and I ponder.
I hear of peers running their own businesses and I ponder.
I look at ahboy's banking kakis and I ponder.
I read about 22 yr-olds starting their own business and I ponder.
I glance around me, I look at others, and I ponder.

Was doing my performance appraisal report last Friday before submitting to my manager.
And I came upon this question which asked "List down your achievements for the past year".
I got stuck. My mind drew a blank.

What have I done in the company that warrants me to list it down as an achievement?

And then as I thought about it, it escalated into a question of a broader scope.
What have I done in my life that warrants me to list it down as an achievement?

Hmm..not that my expectations are high.
But somehow, I think I've not achieved much over the last few years.
It's like as if after the initial years of exponential growth, I've mellowed and plateau-ed.

It's come to a point of inertia.
And hmm..I don't know what to do about it.
Change jobs? Go study? Learn a new craft?

Life is maybe too....mundane at the moment..?
I dunno...sigh.. ('_')

I Not Stupid Too

Went to watch "I Not Stupid Too" just now.
Part 2's better than the 1st one...the actors, both adults and children were better than the 1st movie.
Cried like anything. Came out of the cinema with red-rimmed eyes and a runny nose...
Shawn Lee and Joshua Ang have grown up. Both look quite cute..teenybopper kind with stylo-milo haircuts now..
And Joshua Ang reminds me of a young Li Nanxing..complete with the confident aloofness and "don't-F-with-me" attitude.

There's this new young boy who was one of the main cast, prolly around 8 or 9. Can't remember his name though.
Think he's good...
Somehow Jack Neo's got this knack of spotting talented kiddos..

Huang Yiliang proved his mettle again as a character actor.
Just one look of his can convey so much emotions and feelings. Kudos to him.

========
Haa..somehow whenever we go GV Grand. We somehow end up in Cinema 1...the one with the curved screen which was previously used for IMAX shows...

Love you baby

There is nothing like
Wrapping my arms around you
Feeling your heart beat against mine
Having your warmth spread all through me

Are you aware that
You've got me in a vise
Tight as can be
And that I gladly am

Nothing beats
Soaking in your presence
Enthralling and intoxicating as it is
Your proximity to mine

To quote E E Cummings per se
I carry you in my heart

So I know I've got you with me
Every step of the way

You course through my veins
Filling every spare pocket within me
Driving the emptiness away

Love you baby
You know I do

Friday, February 10, 2006

I love thee

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of being and ideal grace.
I love thee to the level of everyday's
Most quiet need, by sun and candlelight.
I love thee freely, as men strive for right.
I love thee purely, as they turn from praise.
I love thee with the passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints.
I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life; and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee after death.

~Elizabeth Barrett Browning~

======
I love thee
To the crests of my being
And the depths of my soul
I love thee

Saltwater - Julian Lennon

We are a rock revolving
Around a golden sun
We are a billion children
Rolled into one
So when I hear about
The hole in the sky
Saltwater wells in my eyes

We climb the highest mountain
We'll make the desert bloom
We're so ingenious
We can walk on the moon
But when I hear of how
The forests have died
Saltwater wells in my eyes

I have lived for love
But now that's not enough
For the world I love is dying
(And now I'm crying)
And time is not a friend
(No friend of mine)
As friends we're out of time
And it's slowly passing by..yyy...yyy...yyy
Right before our eyes

We light the deepest ocean
Send photographs of Mars
We're so enchanted by
How clever we are
Why should one baby
Feel so hungry she cries
Saltwater wells in my eyes

I have lived for love
But now that's not enough
For the world I love is dying
(And now I'm crying)
And time is not a friend
(No friend of mine)
As friends we're out of time
And it's slowly passing by..yyy...yyy...yyy
Right before our eyes

We are a rock revolving
Around a golden sun
We are a billion children
Rolled into one
What will I think of me
The day that I die
Saltwater wells in my eyes

Saltwater wells in my eyes

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One of those simple songs which just makes you think of why there are such things like war, disease, epidemics, etc existent in this world...

Thursday, February 09, 2006

last night....while sleeping...

Yet another night marred by dreams...I can't remember them by now..
Though there's a blurred memory of one which is still stuck in my mind...

And the reason it's stuck in my mind is that it's kinda scary..not scary in the gory way..not scary in the "pop-out-of-the-closet" way..
Rather, it's scary cos of the atmosphere the whole scene was in...it felt like a scene lifted out of a Stephen King novel. Cold, misty, dark, dank, damp & deary...

In the dream, I was in a car..travelling slowly in the night. I was in the passenger seat, somehow..Granny was the driver..yup, my 90 yr old gran..
We were just silent & cruising along when she fell asleep at the wheel.
I had to reach out to grab the steering...we veered off into a slip road..with tall shrubs on both sides..and the car stopped.
She then turned to me and started lamenting to me how she wants to die, how life is not good, yada yada..Can't remember what happened after that..

But in the next scene, the car started rolling backwards. And by now, somehow, I was in drivers seat. Yanked on the handbrake but it broke on me! It continued rolling backwards down a slope till it got stopped by a boulder.
And then suddenly, Gran jumped out of the car. I remember thinking how come she was so agile?
Screaming & ranting, I think the term for it would be "to run amok". S
he ran around..cowering under bushes, running aroug trees, hiding behind shrubs...I tried to get her to calm down to no avail.

And then Ah Gor came into the picture together with Celine & Ah Dioh...
But what happened after that was a blank...totally off my mind already.

Unsettling.
*shiver*

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

makansutra - the sardonic style

Ok heh...tried to be a hero...made some feeble attempts to bond with my kitchen utensils and the cooker stove over the last 2 days...

Cooked dinner for myself yesterday and today..haha...
Yesterday's fried rice was not too bad...quite nice actually..
But I proclaim a disclaimer first, what is to my taste buds might not be palatable to others....haha....

Today's attempt was hmm...how should I put it...exotic? haha...nah...experimantal would be a more apt word to use.
Fried some plain bee hoon...turned out to be quite bland..think not enough soy sauce..
Made steamed chicken as a dish..3 pieces of chicken thigh...skinned & steamed for healthy reasons..this was so-so only...
Fried vege with golden mushrooms as another dish...this turned out to be the nicest...

Haha...ok...
At least I tried!! Q('',)Q
That's the important thing.... =)

dreams...

Dreamt of weird stuff last night again..

1st scene
I saw Adrian...my brother and I saw Michelle Ho. (Wonder how she's dong by the way)
They were in hostel together..and yikes, they were a couple..holding hands and just plodding along to the canteen for dinner.
I remember going "huh???" in the dream..."how can it be possible???"

2nd scene
I saw Alison, in her hostel room. Somehow, I was part of the scene...sitting on her bed.
Then a whole bunch of other girls came in..all lugging school bags and books..Parwin was one of them.
Oh ok...apparently some sort of group project discussion was soon to be underway.
I was not part of the group so I was relegated to one obscure corner of the room..
And slowly..as they discussed & chatted..I was forgotten..kinda like faded out from their minds like as if I never existed.
It was like one of those movie scenes..where you know you're there..but when you speak, no one hears you...and when you move around, no one sees you...

Can't remember much of what happened after that...

Hmm..if dreams are a representation of the sub-conscious..then the 2nd one is possibly indicative of a fear of rejection? Hmm..on hindsight...it's actually quite a dark dream...
Gosh...*choke*

I Carry Your Heart - E.E Cummings

I carry you heart with me ( I carry it in my heart)
I am never without it (anywhere I go, you go, my dear;
and whatever is done by only me is your doing, my darling)

I fear no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet)
I want no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)
And it's you whatever a moon has always meant
And whatever a sun wull always sing is you

Here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;
which grows higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
And this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

I carry your heart (I carry it in my heart)

=========
Got this from small head's bloggie...
And loved it...so thought I grab it and post it here as well...

cny...post-dated

Finally had the motivation to go download the pics from my phone..haa...

Here are some of the CNY pics..in BG's house..




BG & him..being deliriously happy to down more spirits..










Laoda & me..hehe..check out his red face...







Monday, February 06, 2006

Detox!!!!

I think all the eating ever since December is taking its toll on my body.
I feel like a stuffed turkey walking around in heels.
I feel lethargic & fat.
I feel oily & meaty.

This sounds grotesque but I can't help it.
I feel like I'm full of toxins that I need to purge out...
Am embarking on a mini self-invented detox programme.

Haha...well sort of...main aim's to boost my digestive system and to clear my bowel system.
Stocked up on dried apricots, Yakult and salad from NTUC.
Am gonna drink my fav combination of fruit juice daily or at least once every two days: Pineapple, Strawberry & Watermelon...*slurp*

Gulped down 2 bottles of Yakult just now & I've already been to the toilet once..that fast??

Way to go...purge purge purge!

p/s: what the hell's the diff between Yakult & Vitagen?? I still haven't figured it out afterall these years...

more ramblings...

Saturday...the supposed Sentosa day.
Yup. "Supposed" is to the keyword.

It was so darn cloudy.
Clouds roll in the grey skies above..
Still indecisive as we approacheth the gates of the island.
To go in or not.
That is the question.
Out comes the coin.
*Twing* goes the coin as it flips through the air..
I catch it on the back of my left hand as my right covers it.
Gingerly, I take a peek..............

Well, it was "Tail" & we ended up not driving in.
Which was fated...cos it did rain after that...
Damn, somehow no fate with Sentosa... $&^(*&(@&@^$^%$^$.....and the last time I went, also no sun.
UGH....*sulk*

=========
Watched "Fearless" on Saturday evening..Jet Li's cool...but looks visibily much older already...
Gone are his heydays...Used to ogle at him during his "Wong Fei Hong" & "Fong Sai Yuk" days...
So plump now...

=========
Just had an interesting conversation on MSN.

Me: I think I'm an airhead.

PS: It's ok as long as you find meaning in being one.

Me: Hahhaha...the only worthwhile meaning of being an airhead is tat you're oblivious to the comings and goings in life...But I haven't attained that level yet so technically speaking, I'm a superficial airhead.

PS: Actually hor, I think you choose to be an airhead cos you're not really one.

Haha gal, like I've said *takes a curtsey*
Thanks for saying I've got real credibility man... =D

=========
Think me & HB really no fate man...
He called, I missed the call.
I called, he missed the call.
He called back, I missed it again.
I MSN-ed him, he had to go off.
He called, I missed it again!!!!

All this over a span of 2 days!

Jeepers

Was watching Channel News Asia just now. The GetReal programme hosted by Diana Ser.
Simply adore her. I think she's got the brains, the braun and the looks to top it all off.

Today's programme touched on how different (or not) students in the Gifted Programme are from those not within it.

Lotsa interviews were done with students in the GP. Aka "jeepers". And I only have two words to say "I'm impressed."
Jeepers are so god-damn articulate & well-spoken. And their thought processes are so quick & analytical.

*Impressed* Kids these days. Imagine a 16 yr-old sounding like a 25 yr-old speaking.
GOSH.

Voiced out by many of them, being in the top 1% of the student population in Singapore, puts alot of expectations on them. People expect them to "win" all the time.
Jeepers find it difficult to communicate with other students not in the GP. Other students tend to shun them or classify them as nerds. So they end up hanging out amongst themselves, further perpetuating the "social divide".
If and when they fail to meet expectations, all the more this divide widens when the rest think "What makes them different? What makes those bunch of jeepers so elitist?"

I used to think the same way. What makes them so different?
But guess I grew out of it...as do most kids...

Yo, wazzup???

Tai How...the dumbass just called me! From New Asia! On a Monday night!!
He's there now with Eugene & Teck Kong.
And he's supposed to be sick! At least that's why he couldn't make it to Alisons's house yesterday!

Haa...specifically called to tell me what he ordered..lemme see...a bottle of red wine, 2 beers, and 3 martinis for the 3 of them.
Complaining that they should have ordered more...*rolls eyes*

Luff at me somemore...saying I can't take drinks for now...think he's abit high man...hahhaha...

========
As mentioned..went over to Ally's place yesterday in the evening..
Not bad, she & Keith cooked spaghetti & a chicken casserole dish..which I thought tasted not bad. But alas, only I appreciated her chicken..Keith & PQ thought it was bland..hhaa

Highlight of the day: dear PQ was sitting on the sofa...Jack-Jack the jack russell terrier (ya I know, how innovative...) came sauntering by...
He got a whiff of her scent & then got overly-excited..Pounced on her..Slobbered over her..
And the rest they say is history...She screamed her head off (couldn't tink of a more glam way to put it heh). Gosh & even teared. Poor Gal...
Keith had to come out and smack the mutt's bottom before he would get off her.

Anyway, played a round of mahjong after dinner..haha..my newfound hobby..
Wahaha...now I know why people like the game...
The feeling of gaming when you zi-mo is S-H-I-O-K.... =D
But of course, I'm just a pure novice in this intellectual game which some say takes years to master...

=========
crowey just msn-ed me...she n peter pan are still in office...sighz...
Boy, am I glad I didn't step into Accountancy back in uni....
That was a wise choice...a wise choice indeed.

=========
Ahboy's sick today...runny nose, sore throat and the likes...common ailments especially after CNY. Happens every year...Spoke to him just now...Grouchy bear.

=========
Been awhile since I went grocery shopping...woohoo!!
went in wanting to buy Vitagen only and perhaps a pack of Lexus biscuits (the one with the peanut filling).
Ended up buying $20-over worth of stuff...ranging from golden mushrooms to chicken thigh to rocher to milk to taiwan sausage to .....
Had to control myself...else I would have gotten more stuff... =)

Saturday, February 04, 2006

Saturday...

Sighz...wonder what I ate wrong.
Eversince Thursday's lunch with Win & Siva at that Chinese Restaurant...I've been feeling weird.
Think my stomach spoil already.
Can't eat much and I always feel like puking, burping, f*rting or sh*tting.
Can't drink too much water too, else I'll feel god damn bloated.
Indigestion perhaps???

*help*
It's making me feel tired..and sometimes I can't stand straight...

=========
Going to leave home soon..Sentosa here I come!
But hope the weather holds out..looks kinda cloudy...

=========
Walked alot yesterday..from IP to Maxwell to Chinatown to Apollo Centre.
Wanted to go Ming Ge Can Ting but it was closed...!! argh...
So walked further down and ended up at TCC Clarke Quay..

Haa..spent at least 30-45 minutes watching video clips of a washed-out & spent Kel sprawled on the floor of BG's home during CNY.
Watched how he and ahboy barfed over themselves..haha..and how poor susan had to mop the floor...kaozz..haha..
Watched how they played 5-10 and how BG administered lotsa wrestling moves on Kel...hehee...

No wonder ahboy's phone batt went flat so fast that day.

==========
Ok, better get going...
Almost time to leave home

Thursday, February 02, 2006

more yodelling...

1st day back at work...
The train was unusually quiet. Think alot of peeps took leave to extend their hols.
Damn , I should have taken too..haha...

Brain engine was slower than usual. More like droning & whirring & whining than pumping with adrenalin...
Sometimes had to read a sentence twice to get what it was trying to convey..

Had a nice lunch makan with Siva..went Sakae again..wheeee!!
And my new sushi fav...*drumroll* SOFTSHELL CRAB TEMAKI!!
Aka soft shell crab handroll...wah...damn shiok! *salivating again*
Had two of it today..heee...all thanks to dasao who intro-ed me to it...
And of course, I had to have my chawanmushi...and my salmon.. :)

=========
Hmm..his back was aching today..went to see sinseh, had a massage session and took the day off...
That bugger...biathlon coming..better not strain himself too much...
*worried*

Damn, my back's aching too..and shoulders..haha...shall psycho him for a massage..

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Woohoo!!! Looking forward to dinner on Friday and "Huo Yuan Jia" aka "Fearless" on Saturday!!!

Heard that " I Not Stupid 2" is not bad too...yeah, will catch it another day...=)))

=========
Time flies..
I've only got a lesson left for Malay.
Hope they have the Intermediate one starting up...

Else it'll be GMAT for me liao...

=========
Abit sad..the conversation as per follows:

Jessie: "Eh, you've been dropping hair ah?"

Me: *Cringes* "Har? You mean it's so obvious ah?" *touches right side of head*

Jessie: "Of course lah! Now so flat and thin! I can see through to your ears liao..."

Me: *Jaws Drop* *Flabbergasted*

Is there some kinda tonic I can take to boost hair growth? Or some kinda food I should take?
And please...don't tell me to rub XO on my scalp............

=========
The world is so small...
Turned out that PQ's Godma...is Ah Long's mother-in-law...
And Ah Long's wife taught her piano when she was in primary school...
Kaozz...how concidental can it get??

My buddy for the last 13 years...is god-sister to my CEO's wife...which makes him her god-brother-in-law??
But heng lah, they don't really keep in touch...except for festive occassions like CNY.
*rolls eyes*

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

Piangzz...and I wonder why time flies...It's already Feb!!

It's already February. We're into the 2nd month of the year.
Just when I thought I just finished ushering in 2006...!

Ah well..let's see, what happened over the last 2 days was a flurry of activities..
2nd day of CNY..he came for lunch, I went to his place for dinner too..we caught Memoirs of a Geisha @ PS...he went for a swim while I read a book..yada yada..

Went over to Binggen's place later on in the night to be with the rest as well..
Haha...highlight of the night..the newly discovered game of "Ah-So-Ko"..hard to describe here but it's a group game..and as usual..forfeits galore! haha...
No alcohol for me though cos the boss was around.. =p Lotsa laughter...food for the soul.. =D

Bro was high man...haha...whole face was red..running & skipping around like a lil dynamo...
But damn!!! I missed the BIG SMOOCH of the night!!!!!
Heng I've got a pic of it...*wink wink* .....kekekekee....courtesy of BG...

Think I laughed too much whilst there...couldn't get to sleep and was tossing around till 4am...brain was still awake...

Got up at 9am on 3rd of CNY. Rushed around trying to bath and then get dressed, do my make-up and eat my breakfast at the same time...Went to Ah Gor's place...
Haha...was helping to feed Marc during the journey there...
Man oh man..now I really feel like a full-fledged Aunt.
Haha...nothing beats feeding your own nephew and watching him clamber up your leg for more peanut butter sandwich....MUAHAHAHA!! *grinz*

Came back home after the visit, took lunch and collapsed in a heap on my bed...
Awoke with a shock when I received a call from TH...shucks, supposed to have been at PQ's place at 4pm..he called at 3:35pm, and I was still sleeping...
And so another rush started again...got dressed, did make-up, tried to find oranges and a paper bag, tried to find my wallet!! blah blah blah...

Finally reached her place at 415pm...not so bad lah..
And yeah..*cheers* here's to the start of my tai-tai life..haha...learnt mahjong there...from who else but TH himself..the recent King of itchy fingers...
Played minimal rounds though..cos I was still trying to learn and get all the funny terminologies right...
Kaozz..peng hu, zi mo, pong, gang, pong pong hu, gar, qing yi se, ban se...*faint*


Dinner at her place was steamboat..much thanks to her mum & dad for preparing the food and all..so paiseh..haa...there was even abalone, pacific clams and lotsa lotsa prawns...
Couldn't finish the prawns..in the end, we tried something unique..haa, cooked the prawns, peeled them..and added them into our yu sheng!!
Innovative hr??? hahah tasted not bad too! =))
And since the boss was not around, hehe...aka, no government...I allowed myself half a cup of vodka lychee....=)

Reached home at 12-plus...and collapsed for the 2nd time that
day into my sweet little haven of a bed...