Little Baby's Assignment

And so Little Baby isn't so little anymore. She just received her first piece of "homework" yesterday. 

A white glove that she, together with a parent, is supposed to get creative with. We could colour, paint, embellish or dye the glove. 

I couldn't hold her attention long enough and we ended up just emblazoning the glove with multiple colours from her marker pens. Maybe we can do more tonight. Like stick some paper hearts on it or something. 

P/s: we're supposed to submit the decorated glove back to her teacher on Monday together with a family photo so that she can do a show-n-tell. 

Wahrau, I is noob!! Show what tell what ah??!! And we are supposed to practice with her I think. The instructions given by the teacher weren't very clear. :(

"This ish my mama, this ish my dada, this ish my meimei." Is it??

Pong Tau Hu

It's been a long while since I cooked something Peranakan. 

Well technically, I didn't cook this Pong Tau Hu soup today. But I gave detailed instructions to my helper lol. And popped by the kitchen from time to time to guide her along. What to do? Either one of us has to look after the baby. 

Turned out a little oilier than I wanted (helper has a heavy hand for oil) but the taste is pretty much there. 

What I would like to say

(Long long long post...)

To my 8-year-old self:

Sweetie, it is very rude to tell someone else "Byebye fat pig!". Even if that other person is really on the heavier end of the weighing scale. You have much to learn about respect, diplomacy, good behavior and social etiquette. And, you totally embarrassed your parents when you said that to their friends' kid. Be nice. Treat others the way you would want to be treated. 

To my 12-year-old self:

Stop comparing yourself with others. All girls develop differently and to each their own pace. You are unique and beautiful in your own way. Don't worry about being left on the shelf too, the boys will come next time....trust me.

To my 15-year-old self:

Rock on! Stay cheerful! Continue nurturing and developing those friendships of yours for they will turn out to be some of the best ones you will ever have. 

To my 16-year-old self:

It is okay to have some healthy competition amongst your peers in school. Just don't make it an all-consuming goal to best every single one of them in each test or exam. It burns you out way too quickly. There are still many years ahead of you, both in terms of schooling and then working. 

Pace yourself and learn to take it easy sometimes. Scoring a mark less than that other brainy girl is no biggie, save for the fact that your ego took a slight knock. And so what if you were the only student in the whole school to get an A1 for English Literature or if you were the top O-level student in your school for your cohort? It means little when you go out to work in the future. Really, it doesn't mean a thing. 

To my 17-year-old self:

Like I said. Learn to take it easy. Slow down. Smell the roses. Don't put too much pressure on yourself and don't have such high expectations of yourself. Don't put too many things on your plate either. It really does burn you out. Nobody is asking you to be top-notch at everything from studies to ECA. Your parents aren't even telling you to. Taking the anti-depressant Xanax for 2 weeks is fine. It wouldn't be good at all if you needed to take it for months or years. 

To my 19-year old self:

Enjoy the freedom doll. But bear in mind too that you need to be responsible for your actions. Don't lose focus. Getting the first Ds in your life was a sound wake-up call, right? Enjoy all the hostel activities but erm, do remember that all suppers eventually end up on your waist, thighs and hips. And well, I told you the boys would come. Choose wisely. Years spent and lost with the wrong person by your side would never be regained. 

To my 22-year-old self:

It is okay to not know what you want. It is okay to be lost and unsure of what you want your career to be. Go forth and explore but at the same time, don't shortchange yourself. And, don't be too naive. 

To my 24-year-old self:

Use your youth wisely. It is one of your biggest asset so don't squander it away. Sure, spend your days having fun and enjoying life but also, do spend some time enriching yourself and learning new things. In business and at work, treat others with respect. You'll earn theirs too. 

And, your parents might be a pain in the ass but that is because they've been through life and they sometimes really do know better.

To my 25-year-old self:

Life throws you major curveballs sometimes. You'll have to learn to live with it. Surround yourself with friends who love and support you. They make a difference to how wonderful your life can be. Plus sometimes you need their help to manage those damned curveballs. And, your parents, however callous or overbearing or naggy or argumentative they might be, really just love you to bits. That's just the way they show it. Love them back with equal ferocity, if not more.

To my 27-year-old self:

Everyone changes. Everyone has a different side to them. And everyone makes mistakes. If some of these people happen to be your closest friends, learn to accept their failings and more importantly, learn from their misjudgements. For those who are willing to change, be there for them. It may seem like there is no sanctity in marriage or relationships anymore but for every bad situation you come across, know that there are at least 20 other good ones.

To my 28-year-old self:

Remember again that life throws you curveballs. Sometimes it cuts deep and breaks your heart into a million shards. But that is so that you can heal again and be reborn as a stronger and wiser person. Go easy on the drinks by now. You're not as young as you used to be and your stomach is not as strong as it used to be. 4 small bottles of beer every Friday night for a year and more seems of little significance but trust me, cut down on the drinks and your health and stomach will be thankful later on in life. 

Embrace the opportunities given to you at work. Embrace the travel opportunities as well. Learn and experience things. It helps your mind grow. 

To my 29-year-old self:

Rejuvenation and recalibration sometimes go hand in hand. Be brave and open new doors. Be open and love again. Be courageous. Yes and keep up with the exercise.  Your body will thank you for it.  Feed your brain with new things too so it doesn't stagnate. Work hard, but do take a step back to smell the roses and play a little as well. 

To my 32-year-old self:

Live and let live. Sometimes taking a step back works better for the good of the whole situation. Changes may be for the better. They definitely test your limits and adaptability and they definitely give you an opportunity to learn and grow. 

To my 33-year-old self:

Don't worry. You are doing just fine. Yes, you may feel the need to step up but bear in mind too that motherhood is a learning journey. No one knows what to do immediately when they become a mother. Do take care of yourself too. When you are fine and well, you can then care for your little one in your biggest capacity. Oh, and I bet you didn't know your heart could be filled with so much love, right? 

Toothy affair

Glad I got it done. One off my to-do list.

I went to the dentist this morning. This appointment had been delayed for a good 20months. Mainly because of my pregnancy and Peanut's birth.

Admittedly, since the latest pregnancy, I've not been brushing my teeth regularly at night. So I am really glad that my teeth are ok except for a small chipped portion which was mended with some filling.

The only downside of this dental appointment is that I need to "pump and throw" my milk for a good 5-6 days after the appointment.

Why so?

Because I have to pop 8 antibiotic pills before each of my dental appointments. Today was no exception. And this is an unwelcome inconvenience due to my mild heart issue. Because of the strong presence of antibiotics in my bloodstream these few days, I need to lay off breastfeeding. Hence the "pump and throw" situation. :( I did a simple calculation. I will be throwing away at least 3 to 4 litres of my milk. Zzzzzz.....

Work

New boss = new pet

Hmm...with the change of guard, this shell has fallen out of favour and is now languishing in neutral territory again. Plus the rest have had 5 extra months to showcase themselves to him, during this period that I am away.

Well, at least I am thankful I am not on hostile ground or banished to some low-lying moor.

This time round, there's been so many changes and things happening during my ML. I hope I can keep up and get my engine back into shape when I go back to work in mid-Feb.

Psyching myself up already. It is less than a month to go....

White!

As far back as I can remember, all my life, I've never owned a white pair of pants or jeans or leggings. 

For 2 reasons:

(1) I thought they made my legs look chunky.

(2) I'm one of the clumsiest persons around and get my clothes dirtied easily. 

It is an irony then that I just bought my first pair of white legging pants, at one of my heaviest weights ever (sans baby). 

Heck it. Mother of 2. If I look chunky then I look chunky. 

It's for CNY, to match a kebaya top I bought. 

P/s: sidetrack, yes we are going Peranakan this year. Meaning it as a surprise for my parents. :) Nadya's got a lovely kebaya top and matching sarong. I'm going without the sarong though, can't move properly in it and it will make tending to 2 kids very challenging haha. Even K has got a batik top. :) Although I couldn't find a kebaya that fits Alyssa, I bought a batik hanky for her to use on that day. At least she will be in on the theme as well :) 

P/p/s: Oh yes, the leggings are from Uniqlo. No, they are not paying me to plug their brand. Though I wouldn't mind if they did. Just so happened that I took the pic without realizing their logo was showing....

The Flipped Peanut

Peanut has finally flipped today :) At the age of 3mths and 3 weeks. Well done baby girl! 

And it was such a coincidence that my mother was at my place today and got to witness this milestone first-hand with me. 

3 generations gathered in one room. When the youngest flipped, the older two clapped their hands in joy and excitement! The youngest one was wondering what happened and decided to bury her head in the bed and try to eat the bedsheet....lol. 

work...

I just cleared some work emails. More like sifted through them and saved the neccessary documents.

There was a particular document I read. I am usually the one handling this work item and someone is covering me for it now that I am away from office.

The document was sub-par. Grammar mistakes, numerous formatting mistakes, typo errors, spelling errors....gosh. And it was submitted to my boss for approval. Like wah lau, it's so unedited and obviously not proof-read.

I debated internally. Whether to amend and spruce up the document or not.
A year ago, I would have undoubtedly said yes. Heck, I wouldn't even be hesitating about it like how I am now.

But right now, my mindset has shifted slightly. Maybe I should just f*ck care. If the immediate boss is seemingly blind to such effort on my part, then why should I stupidly spend time and effort cleaning up the document when it should have already been done by someone else?? I was always doing this for others in the last few years. Maybe it is time I stop molly-coddling them or spoon-feeding them. They have taken me for granted already. "Oh anyway Michelle will edit and proof-read my document so I can just anyhow type now."

And so, I came to the conclusion. I shall not do anything to the document. Especially not while I am on leave.

Principles? Work ethics? Ah f*ck them.
Now that my old boss has left, I am the only grammar and formatting nazi left in the team. Not to my advantage to continue what I have done for the last few years. 

Playtime - Bonding time

I brought Peanut to the park yesterday evening.

Sitting at the playground there, I noticed one thing. There was a disproportionately large number of foreign domestic workers (predominantly Filipinas) who had brought their charges to the playground, compared to parents or grandparents bringing their children or grandchildren for some fun.

I am not sure if this is generally the trend and that I would see the same thing happening at another playground located within an HDB setting.

Or is this just due to the demographics of the area I am living in, where families rely more on domestic helpers than elsewhere.

Whichever it is, I feel a little sad that kids are unable to have fun at the playground with their own parents...sigh.

Mini celebrity?

The blatant stares, the whispers, the sidelong glances, the wide-mouthed gapes, the sneaky furtive looks.

And also the open smiles, the cooing, the mini waves, the cheerful laughter.

I get all these and more whenever I bring Peanut out. Whether it is a walk to the park, at the park, or in a shopping mall, I get all these. 

All because of her hair. :)

Some would talk behind me "Wow look at that baby!" Or "你看你看！她的头发很多leh!" Or "OMG she has so much hair!" Or "Wah, ee eh tao mor jin juay!!"

Some would come up to me and comment on her hair. 

Some would just stare at her like she's some weirdo.

But most would just look at her and smile when they notice I have noticed them.

Lol...my little one, you connect much better with people compared to your elder sister. But even when you are not intentionally looking at others, they are also naturally drawn to you. The people magnet that you are.

Stay cheery and sociable! 

My sleeping beauty

Nothing's more satisfying than having your child fall asleep in your arms so comfortably. It shows that she trusts you too. 

Sleep well my baby...

Long night

Little Baby kept me awake most of the night yesterday. Erm or should I say, for most of the early hours this morning.

She woke at 1am after having slept at 9pm the previous night. She wanted milk. Usually after having milk, she would roll over and fall back to sleep quite immediately. This time round she tossed and turned and whimpered. I tried to pat her to sleep and hummed the usual lullabies I sang for her. It took me a long time to get her back into lala-land. 

She woke again at 2:40am. Barely an hour after I last put her to sleep. Oh come on, another long night? I thought to myself. 

I coaxed and carried, patted and rocked her back to sleep, to no avail. She whined and whimpered and fussed. She complained of pain and discomfort. She told me she wanted to poo and even made grunting sounds while exerting and trying to poo. I told her that it was okay and that she need not force it. She could still poo in the morning. 

She seemed to agree and calmed down. She flipped over away from me. Suddenly she tilted her head, made gagging sounds and before I knew it, she vomitted. Big time. I literally saw her spewing out a torrent of erm...stuff. She "merlioned", in Singlish speak. Two big liquid projectiles. 

I called K for help. When I switched on her room light, the poor girl had half her face covered in vomit. Half of her hair was slicked in slime and vomit as well. Her pillow was wet and hidden under a layer of semi and undigested rice, vegetables, milk and papaya. I thought I saw some fishcake too. Parts of the bed frame, mattress and floor were dirtied as well. 

Not a pretty sight. The smell was rather funky too.

I whisked her off for a bath. K and the helper cleaned up her room. 

By the time I brought her back to the room it was almost 4am. My job was still not done, I still had to put her to bed again. Which was not easy considering she just had a shower that pretty much perked her up and woke her from her slumber. 

I am unsure what time it was when she finally fell asleep. 

But she soon woke again at 630am. Sigh...

Anyway...I just hope she's fine and that her vomitting was only due to indigestion and over-eating.. 

Hehe...Hair-Hair

So this is what you do when you have some time...and when your baby girl has so much hair...:)

Buy Buy, Bye Bye

I've been on a roll these 3 months that's I've been at home. On a roll at qoo10 that is.

I think I've easily spent a high three-figure sum getting stuff from them. 

Erm....stuff including clothes (and more clothes) for Nadya, Alyssa and myself, breastmilk storage bags, children's stickers for Nadya, handphone pouch for K, umbrella to replace 2 which have spoilt, googly eyes for art and craft, special angpow packets, customized Xmas gifts for friends, gift tags, piggy bank for Nadya, bag, storage shelf for the house, etc...

Buy Buy

And then...

Bye Bye $$.....

Les Papillions

Butterflies. :)

Made these for Nadya. A surprise for her when she gets home this evening. These require some cutting so I'm not sure if I can make these with her. Maybe I should explore a non-cut version so it's easier for her to make. 

Bits and pieces

Parenthood is also a journey of self-discovery, growth and learning. I hope I develop into a better person because of my two girls. 

==========

There are those who feel they are always right and unconsciously impose their ideals and expectations on others. I have not found a way to manage them. Maybe patience and to a certain extent, avoidance? 

==========

CNY is approaching. Another time of the year when I feel happy meeting up with friends and relatives but when my pockets scream for mercy. 

==========

My granny pops up from time to time in my head. Christmas was a time when I thought about her a lot. My last gift to her when she was still somewhat lucid and before she passed, was a beige coloured teddy bear. She was sitting in a swivel armchair at Adrian's house and was gently opening the gift. She was amused at the teddy bear but it grew to be her good friend and companion while she spent her last days in the nursing home. 

Now that CNY is coming, I'm thinking about her again. I miss the times when we would make potato crisps, buah keluak and achar together for CNY. 

Tears

Eons ago when I was in my teenage years, I often found myself crying at night. I could not fathom why and thought there was something wrong with me. The days were ok, I had friends and we did things or I had school to occupy me. But sometimes at night I felt an overwhelming sense of sadness and I just let the tears flow. I did feel better after crying though I could not understand. When I was older and looked back, I attributed it to teenage angst.

I remember when I was 17, I sat on the floor of my mother's kitchen and bawled my eyes out on New Year's Eve. The lights were on and I think my grandmother was asleep in her room. 

Many years ago when I was hurt deeply, I found myself sitting on the steps of Harbourfront MRT, at the exit near Vivocity's taxi stand. Although it was a weekend, that exit was hardly used and I did manage to find some solitude amidst the weekend buzz. Sarah McLachlan's "Angel" was playing on my then IPod Nano on repeat. I sat there for at least 15 repeats of the song. I don't remember how long that was. I was hurt, extremely upset, angry and lost. I don't remember too how much tears I shed during that period. 

The last time I felt hurt several months ago, I cried myself to sleep. I felt wronged, upset, tired and frustrated. 

Yes, I am a crybaby. I've always been. I don't care what others say. There is no right or wrong way. Each person has his or her own way of coping with things. This is mine. 

Maybe I need a long good cry now. 

Reminder to Self

I shouldn't stifle or restrict Little Baby's thinking and creativity.

We have been playing with a sticker book over the last few nights. It has an animal/zoo/safari theme and there are animal stickers that you can paste onto the zoo and safari background themes provided on several pages.

She chose a zebra sticker one night and stuck it upside down on one of the pathways on the safari theme page. I intervened and told her the zebra was not pasted correctly and should have been pasted upright on its legs instead. She said no and that it was walking on its head. And then I thought why not?

Another night she picked a sticker of a flower pot and stuck it on one of the pathways of the zoo. She did it haphazardly and the flowers ended up not being sequence with the existing flower pots on the given theme. The OCD in me was screaming "That is so wrong! Pls rearrange the flower sticker!" Took me some resolve to stop my itchy fingers from trying to rearrange her sticker so that it would be nearly aligned with the rest of the flowers in the theme. 

There are other instances where I found myself intervening and trying to correct her supposedly "out of the norm" choices. At times, I only realise I am limiting her when I've already done the deed. These days I am getting better and learning to let loose more. I am also getting better at stopping myself from "correcting" her creative choices.

Because whoever said a sun can't be coloured blue? 

I dun wan!!

Supposed to start work on 15 Feb. 

Totally not looking forward to it. For the following reasons:

1. I'll miss Peanut. ALOT.

2. I'll miss lounging around in singlet and shorts for the entire day.

3. I need to finish up a long-drawn project. 

4. I don't like the long journey to and from office. (I live in the east and work in Pasir Panjang)

5. I'm not sure how I can continue pumping and expressing milk while working. Nor can I walk around with swollen boobs either. 

6. I have not much work clothes that I can still fit into. Wish I could wear casuals to work every day. 

7. I know that there are a ton of hard copy things and other items piled up in my desk. Clearing them would be zzzz....

8. I know also that I have some HR administrative issues to settle with them with regard to my long absence.

9. I don't like having to rush in the mornings. Now we not only have to get Little Baby ready for school, we have to get Peanut ready too. And that is before we can get ourselves ready. 

10. I have to start the routine rush home from work again. 

Proud (and amused) Mama

Milestone! 

At 3.5 months. 

Peanut laughed out loud for the first time today! For a good minute or so while I tried my best to entertain her hahaha. Glad I managed to catch it on video :)