Errrrr...?

I'm perplexed.

I'm a Senior Manager. You're an SM too.

Why are you asking me how to handle this aspect of your project ah? You set the deadline for our partners....you decide lah how you want to manage them to solicit responses....If you need my help because the partners know me better, sure, I can help you ping them. But why look to me for simple things like whether to send them a reminder email?

Big question mark.

Drip Drop

Feel a little like crying now.

But.

There are things to be done.

And into work I shall dive.

The tears can wait.

Till a more opportune time.

Sleep

The 2 girls slept together last night. My second attempt at putting them together before the current helper leaves for good and the new one comes. 

It was a better attempt compared to the previous time. At least, there were no major screamfests. But the both of them were bad sleepers last night. Each tossed and turned like nobody's business and the small one did a 270 degree rotation to and fro over the course of the night. She would have done a full 360 if not for a bolster blocking her path. She even somehow managed to travel up and down the mattress. 

This mom here was relegated to a tiny strip of property at the foot of both mattresses. Just enough for me to lie straight in my back. 

Zzzzz...verdict? Good try. Hope it gets better.

But I woke so many times I lost count. It's a busier period for me at work. I hope I can tahan...

I feel the onset of a sore throat plus cough creeping in. Jiayou!!!

Annual Performance Appraisal

So I just had a session with my boss. It ended in an hour. His sessions with the other team leads took an average of 1.5 hrs each. Should I be happy or worried? Lol....

Anyway, things sounded pretty positive. He said I was dependable. And when I asked whether there were any areas that I should improve on, in terms of work or character or attitude, he said he couldn't think of any. Woot! I told him I would take that as a positive thing haha.

We discussed possibilities for a job rotation. Either that or a job expansion so that I could develop further. (I told him I was somewhat stagnant). If it were a job rotation, it wouldn't be this year. But it could be next year.

We'll see.....we'll see...how it all goes...

p/s: Besides myself, there are another 3 team leads. Although he did not name names, during our chat, he referred to them as (1) the one that talks alot but either did not deliver or delivered late, (2) the one who thinks he knows alot and is very good but is actually so-so and (3) the one that is very smart but often offends others and EQ needs working on. I had no problems guessing who each one was. It was quite funny....not I'm not sure if he should have referred to them in this manner. I appreciate his candid-ness though haha.

Last Friday 28 April 2017

Attended Mrs Lim's funeral last Friday afternoon at Mandai Crematorium.

My ex-boss is a diminutive guy, only slightly taller than me, and very slim, with a penchant for baggy shirts that make him seem even smaller in size. Seeing him so distraught made us pretty upset too....

He broke down, cried and wailed when her coffin was sent to the cremation chambers. I've never seen him like this. He was heartbroken. Shattered. He shouted. He sobbed. He said in between heaving cries: "Wait for me. Why did you go so early? Wait for me."

I teared. The 5 of us from the team who were there, including my current boss, teared. I believe the guys did too as I heard some sniffles and throat-clearing.

He was distraught. I hope, I truly hope that he feels slightly better today...
It will take time for him to grieve. But I hope he also takes comfort knowing that she is no longer suffering and is in the arms of the Lord now. No more chemo, no more operations, no more tubes and needles for her.

I'm bad with words and I don't know how to comfort him though I want to.
I did not speak with him that day. I didn't want to interrupt his time alone with his sons.

I hope he heals soon...

Quest

It started out as a resolution. To bring the focus back to myself abit more this year.
It is now a mini project of sorts. To make a small tweak/improvement to my life or myself each month. One a month, hopefully it is manageable. And hopefully by the end of the year, I'd be an improved version than back at the start of the year.

It doesn't matter whether it's a big or small change, so long as it's a change that betters myself as a person or improves my lifestyle.

Tweaks so far:
1. Back to public transport 90% of the time. Enough said.
2. Taking care of my face at night. Regularly moisturising at night. I was lazy for many years and did not do so. I actually do see a difference now despite only starting this around 1-plus months ago.
3. Walking more.
4. Stretching more at night. This hasn't improved my neck/shoulder ache yet though...:(

May is coming soon...
Time to decide on what I should embark on.....

I wish.....I hope!

I think I need a break soon. Just a day off from work. Zero errands. No kids around me.
Best if nobody is around me at all. I just want to lie in bed, cuddle under my blankie and sleep like a log. Stay at home the entire day if possible. Eat in. Maybe heat up some frozen pizza and guzzle Ribena. Watch 2 Days 1 Night and laugh myself silly. Maybe colour a little too.

There are things that need to be done in the coming weeks though....

• Current helper leaving, new one coming in early June. Training and lots of guidance needed
• Alyssa's vaccination. 
• Both girls' parent-teacher sessions coming up.
• Nadya's book review next week.
• Nadya's trial ballet class??
• I need a haircut. I've not cut my hair in 6 months...the shape's mostly gone and it's frizzy like shit.

Hope I can find the chance to just take a day's leave and switch off from everything.

Mrs CS

Tearing up in office.

For the last 9 years, I served a boss, CS, who was a legendary tyrant, especially during his younger days. There are stories of him throwing papers at staff and shouting at them because he felt they did a bad job at writing the paper.

I am pretty ok with him though we had an exchange once. I can't remember the details but he scolded me something along the lines of "stupid". I flared up and spoke loudly (and rudely I think) to him. People who know me would know that I'm usually a meek one when it comes to bosses. He must have really riled me up. Anyway, I apologised thereafter and he did too.

He mellowed down alot and in the last few years, I got along with him pretty well. Maybe it's because he's the same age as my mum, maybe it's because I travelled with him on official trips on many occasions. His PA has also told me several times that I'm one of his favourites.

His wife has been sickly since 9 years ago when she first had breast cancer. She recently had a relapse and a month plus ago she was found to have a brain tumour. It soon spread to her major organs. She had a lung procedure yesterday and was on GA. Unfortunately, her condition turned form bad to worse and she passed on within 6 hours of the procedure.

I texted CS to ask if he's ok. His reply broke my heart. He said he feels devastated. Devastated that he didn't get any chance to say any last words to her and she was just gone like that.

I'm bad with words. But I tried my best to say something comforting to him.

The whole team is going to visit him at his wife's wake tomorrow during lunch. I hope I don't cry there....

Rest in peace Mrs CS...
I'm sure both your sons will do well in their life and your husband will continue plodding on strongly and steadily as ever....

Happy 19 months!

Our cheeky little happy pill. :) Happy 19 months sayang!

You were the one who made Mama worry alot. From your extra thumb (that thankfully dried up and dropped off on its own), to your eye infection early on, to your overlapping toes, to your physiotheraphy sessions, to your sensitive nose and lungs, to your stagnant weight at one period of time......I'm just glad and extremely thankful those were just small issues which were ironed out on their own over time....

You started walking at 15 months, a good 2 months after jiejie did during her time. You only really started talking more at 18 months, another good 2 months after jiejie did during her time. But hey, you've grown and developed and blossomed on your own terms....You're a cheeky little girl now who has started talking and babbling so much now, especially when you started childcare classes 2 weeks ago.

You've got a lovely charming face and an equally lovely, charming smile....but you can be a real badass drama queen too. Oh the cries and protests that come forth when we forbid you to do something or when we scold you. And oh the shrieks and hair-pulling when you fight with jiejie over something....gosh, the first few times we were quite taken aback by the feistiness emanating from you! We were totally not expecting it!

You've always brought us much laughter and cheer! Show us your pearly whites and keep the smiles and giggles coming ya! May you stay blessed, healthy and happy always.

Dada, Mama and Jiejie love you!

Lippy

The thing about lip dermatitis is...sometimes you don't know when it will flare up. 

Woke with sausage lips this morning :( And I have a parent-chicks excursion trip later with Alyssa to Gardens by the Bay. 

So ugly....bah....

:)

When you have misplaced your own hairband...

When your kids' hairbands are in reach....

Voila!

Patience

I thought I was doing better at being more patient with the kids. 

But I think I lapsed last night. I nearly lost it. Thank goodness it was already late at night and I knew I had to keep it down or risk waking everyone up.

It was the first time both girls were sleeping together in the same room. I was with them and getting increasingly tired as the night went by. Both were taking turns to wake and both also tossed in their sleep quite often. Every rustle and every movement made me go into high alert mode. I couldn't sleep well and I couldn't sleep much at all. I probably averaged only 4 hours last night, broken into various sessions of sleep/nap.

At one point, Alyssa was sleeping and I had to force myself not to boil over due to Nadya's whining, which was escalating in scale and volume with every fussing/whining sound she made.  I felt she was doing it for no reason. She couldn't or didn't want to say why she was upset when I asked her why she was fussing. I could feel my blood pressure rise. I did not want her to wake Alyssa up.

But eventually, true enough, the noise she made did wake Alyssa up, who started wailing................

Anyway.....Note to self:
Continue to work hard, if not harder, at keeping my temper in check.
Continue to practice restraint.
Continue to practice and learn how to be more patient.

Peanut

Aka....our dear Alyssa.

Time flies so fast these days.
We're already past mid-April and next Friday on 24th April, Alyssa will be 19 months old!

Her current stats and development......

Height: 82cm (60% percentile)
Weight: 10.2kg (55% percentile)
Head Circumference: 47.5cm (80% percentile!) So she's a 大头 like her mum haha...

Mobility: Excellent.
She's a climber and a full-fledged runner lol. Granted she still has her "opps I lost my balance moments" but those are mainly because she got distracted by other stuff happening around her.

Speech: Good.
At least I think she's doing good. Though Nadya was speaking better at the same age. But oh well, different kids develop differently. Words that she can say, though not with accurate enunciation yet, include.....

• dog 
• shoe
• wear
• where
• open (she says "apom")
• apple (she says "apul")
• fish (she can finally make the "f" sound! And now she says "fish" as "fees")
• dada
• mama
• chieh chieh
• auntie
• cheese

Cognitive development: Pretty good.
She understands 2-part requests and questions. For e.g. "Please pick that piece of paper up and throw it into the dustbin."

Food: Excellent.
She likes most things her older sister doesn't really go for haha, like green peas, corn and pork. She spit out beef though, when I let her try it several weeks ago. Her favourite food right now include chinese cabbage, corn and green peas, and of course not forgetting snacks like raisins, yoghurt melts, biscuits....She's a milk guzzler like Nadya too.

Sleep: Bad.
While she takes her afternoon naps, her sleep at night is rather bad. She is put to bed at 8-plus but probably only falls asleep at 9pm or just past that. She will wake at 11-plus or 12am. And then wake again at 3 or 4am. And then sometimes wake again at 5 or 6am. It's tough looking after her at night.
And I don't know what's wrong. Is it the temperature of the room? The size of the room? The type of mattress we are using for her? The type of pillow she's using? Sigh.....

Happiness: Excellent
Our happy pill. Everybody's happy pill. She's got a natural charm as well. When I brought her out the other day...no less than 4 aunties came up to her at different times to say hi to her, all within a 1.5-hour period...She's charmed her toddler class teachers too!

Drama-ness: Excellent
She's a drama queen. What more can I say? Lol....


The only thing we've not done so well with Alyssa is her exposure to books. By this age, I was reading rhymes and simple stories to Nadya every night...need to catch up on this. I hope I can do it soon!

Grow well sweetie...but take your time too. Not too fast!!
You're our last baby and Mama wants to savour all your firsts to the fullest!

Dusk

Dusk is actually my favourite time of the day.
I'm not a morning person so dawn is not really my cup of tea.

Dusk.
It's a different story.

When the sky takes on pink, orange, purple, blue and grey hues all at the same time.
When the clouds seem lighter and yet, more settled.
When the birds fly home to roost.
When even the temperature seems to cool down a little.
When things seem more bearable.
When the world seems to slow down for just that little bit.
When you feel you've put in your effort for the day and now it is time to rest a little.
When you know you can get to bask in your family's love and presence after a day at work.




This was taken on a weekday evening a week ago. Outside the inlaw's place.
I know. It's just a scene from within a concrete jungle.

Nothing compared to what some see in other countries....
But I loved the view when I saw it.
And I guess, it was more special because I was with Alyssa.
Who was happily running around me in circles and squealing happy squeaks.

6 Degrees of Separation

This rings even truer in a small city-state like Singapore.

I was going through my Facebook feed and realised that a friend was baptised yesterday at the Catholic church, Church of St. Michael.

Scrolled down further and saw that another friend's wife was also baptised at the same ceremony.

Small small world....:)

Happy for them that they have opened their hearts and mind to the faith.

Peanut's 1st day at Childcare - 3 April 2017

I'm happy that the blogger app I'm using was updated. It's more stable now and doesn't crash every 30 seconds. And I can finally upload photos to this blog again. Hurrah!

So anyway, this is a throwback to Alyssa's first day at the childcare side.
She was pretty excited to wear the uniform. She looked so cute in it :)

Cookie time

Nadya had to bake stuff to bring to school. She needs to do a show-and-tell about her baking experience as well.
And so voila...

Alyssa didn't partake in the end. She was happier running around the house. :) Anyway it was better I guess. For they'd both end up fighting if they were going to stir and mix the cookie dough together haha.
P/s: I spent a whole hour making their baker hats and aprons one weekday night a few days ago....it was worth the effort. They loved the hats and Nadya insisted on wearing the apron for more than an hour haha...

For the self

Some things which I set out to do this year for myself and have achieved so far:

- Go back to taking the train to go to work. I've been pretty consistent on this from the start of the work year and I'm all the better for it. My pockets too.
- As such, I've been walking more as well and this is doing some good to my body and general stamina. I think.
- Taking care of my face abit better.  Back to moisturising at night. I don't think my skin is getting enormously better, but I think I feel abit better about the state of it now...
- I've started stretching again. A few nights each week to slowly gain back some flexibility and maybe balance? (I used to do it every night before I got married....)
- Some time alone each night before I sleep. To loosen up, to get some laughs, to think through things, to be in an alternate world....


Things I've not managed to get a start on:
- More exercise. Sigh.
- More time on drawing and colouring.

Conversations with a 3.5 yr-old

This kid is getting smarter. She did her first pun ever that day.
We were in the shower and I was talking to her about claws. Can't remember why we were talking about claws though.

Me: Cats have claws you know? Tigers and lions too.
N: Santa also.
Me: Huh?
N: Santa Claus. So Santa has claws (claus) too.

LOL....

11 April

Yesterday was Granny's 3rd death anniversary.

I'd popped by Holy Family Church on Sunday to say some prayers for her, as well as for the family.

Nadya was at my inlaw's place so only K and Alyssa came along with me. The little girl was so in awe of the stained glass feature in the main church hall. I was glad that she was generally quite well-behaved too. I explained to her that we were there to say our prayers for Ah-Chor (great-granny in Hokkien). She nodded. Though I don't think she understood half of what I said.

Adrian and my parents went to the Marina Pier to pay their respects on Tues, the actual day of her death anniversary. I couldn't make it as I had a team meeting that morning and I couldn't take leave.

Why Marina Pier?

Because that's where we took the boat out to release her ashes into the sea......

I still tear when I think of her. Though I have to admit, I don't get much time to think of her these days. Not with the 2 little girls running around.

I hope Granny, Ipoh, Tuanku and their parents are having fun up there. Maybe playing mahjong and chewing on nonya kueh.

God bless her. RIP Granny....
Or in our family's Peranakan patois, RIP Mama....