motivation

If you want anything in life, you've got to be hungry.

And.

It's better to be prepared for an opportunity even if you don't have one yet,
Rather than have an opportunity but not be prepared for it.


~ Les Brown, motivational speaker

Performance Appraisal

I was prepared for my appraisal to be mediocre for the FY17/18 work year.
I'd already psyched myself up for an average Standard Contributor rating.

Was pleasantly surprised to see a High Achiever rating.
Ego & mood-booster for the day!

Looking forward to the salary coming in this Friday...personal performance bonus, corporate bonus and usual salary all coming in.

*dances*

On a side note, and as a reminder to myself....
To trudge on even if I don't feel so motivated to do so...
To hang in there....and...
To walk on...
With hope in your heart.

On another side note, not to brag but in hopes to motivate myself to keep things up...
I have been appraised for a full 10 years. I think I've gotten HA for all years, except SC for 2 or 3 of them, and with at least one of the SC ratings due to me missing half a year of work because of maternity leave. That means HA for 75% of the time.

May my engine continue to run strong......Jiayou jiayou jiayou!

Conversations with the 4.5year-old

Erm...this girl can be quite quick-witted sometimes...some excerpts from conversations with her over the last couple of days...

====================
It was just after waking up on Saturday morning.
They each wanted a bottle of milk. (Still trying very hard to wean the big one off the bottle, to no avail!!!)  Anyway, after they were done one of them was chewing on the bottle teat.

Me: Don't chew the teat! If it gets spoiled, I will have to get new ones! These are expensive you know. 
Nadya: Mama, then never mind lor. Just use yours.
Me: What?!
N: Just use yours lor. *points to my boobs*
Me: I don't have anymore milk!
N: Then just get married again and have a baby. Then you will have milk.

三条线......lol....

====================
On the same Saturday morning, after her drama class, we went into Smiggles to while away some time. I bought alphabet keychains for both of them.

We've recently started involving Nadya more and more in such retail purchases and transactions and so I got her to queue up at the payment counter. She handled the purchase beautifully and I was quite proud of her. She's improved alot from her "hide-behind-Mama's-legs" days...

Sometime later in the day I reminded her of something....

Me: Nadya, you have not thanked me for buying you the keychain.
N: You didn't buy it! I bought it!
Me: *caught off guard*
Me: Well, technically you were the one who stood at the counter and made the purchase.
N: Ya, I bought it.
Me: But I paid for it!
N: But I bought it!

Ok, well, she's not wrong too.....

What would you write to your 50, 60, 70-year-old self?

To my 60-year-old self:

Hi there, 

How are you? Are you healthy and happy? How have you lived your past 20 years?

I hope you've stopped working by now and that you're spending your days doing things that you enjoy. Like maybe some gardening, some cooking and some art and craft stuff. 

How about K? Are you guys still taking ramen or soba from time to time? Is he still working? I hope not! Then at least the two of you can go for walks and leisurely trips together. :)

Did you eventually manage to learn a musical instrument? The guitar or the keyboard or piano maybe? Can you play any simple tunes? 

I wonder how you look like. Are you chubbier than when you were 40? I hope your eyes, heart and brain are doing ok and holding up well. Are you still sensitive to certain seafood, dust and artificial fragrances? 

I hope the girls are doing fine too. Both Nadya and Alyssa should have graduated by now and I think they should be working already? I hope they turned out well and are also healthy and happy. I hope they are filial and obedient too! If they're dating, please help them to screen their boyfriends properly. :) 

Last but not least, I hope you had a fulfilling 20 years past and I hope the next 20 years will be just as fulfilling and happy!

Regards,

Your 37-year-old self

Lost it

I lost it tonight.

It has been increasingly difficult to put both girls to sleep. I'd start the process with Alyssa at 9pm or before. After taking her milk she'd roll around for a long time. She'd still be awake by the time Nadya comes in to the room at 930pm or so.

Then both would simply refuse to sleep and do all sorts of things. Request for me to carry. Request for this. Request for that. Insist on going out to the balcony. Request to go to the washroom. Request to go to the kitchen to get something from the fridge.

I usually blow my top when my patience runs thin. I start raising my voice. Either both comply after several threats or one starts to fuss or both. This is usually coupled with passionate declarations of "I don't like Mama!" or "I don't want Mama!!"

By the time both fall asleep it would be 10pm. Alyssa falls asleep first followed by Nadya. These days, it goes all the way till 1015pm.

Tonight was not good.

My already-stretched-thin patience went through a more challenging stress test. It failed. Miserably.
I raised my voice. I shouted. And I eventually cried in front of them as well.

Both refused to listen. Both refused to sleep. Both insisted on me carrying them.
Both started fighting with each other again. Both declared that they did not like me after I spoke to them firmly. Both asked for more milk even though they'd each had a bottle's worth already.
Both were playing non-stop. Both were talking non-stop as well. Both were asking for my attention.

It dragged on.

I lost it. I cried.

Not good. Kids 1: Mama 0.

Alyssa eventually slept at 1030pm. Nadya maybe only 10-15mins later.

This sucks. Big time.

How can I do this better? Change myself?

Feeling.....

unmotivated

the recent shift to a temporary office location has left me feeling displaced and very dispensable.
not quite getting work done as efficiently as I used to back in my heydays.

===============
exhausted

enough said.
sleeping with both girls has left me feeling groggy and suffering from neckaches

===============
frustrated

a little
helper issues, career (non) progression issues, the girls' daily squabbling,

===============
thankful

i need to be
for I still have a job, a warm home and a warm bed to get back to at the end of the day
for I have 4 pairs of little hands and feet that want to clamber over or hug me at the end of each day
for I have K in my life
for I have the Sngs standing solid behind my back too

===============
quirky

wearing $20 cheap but chio shoes bought online and made by a China brand that was apparently super big in China back in the 1960s - 1980s before it opened up to the world

===============
young? old?

schizophrenic lol...
feel young when I talk to some of my peers, like I've not progressed or matured enough
feel old when I deal with people born more than 12 years after me. Gosh....

Baby Shark

Yeah yeah...the song that all parents of young kids would know....

We were at a foodcourt last Saturday and I sought Alyssa's help to hold on to a $10 note while we were waiting for our food to be done.

Me: Do you know this man?
A: No.
Me: His name is Yusof Ishak. Can you say his name?
A: Eee-shak. Baby Shark!!!
A: *doo doo doo doo...doo doo doo doo...doo"


小妹妹...He's our first President you know? Show some respect please....lol :)

Too young to be talking about marriage!

The other night, before bed.

A: Mama, I marry Ethan!
Me: *splutter* Har? Marry? Why do you want to marry Ethan??
A: I like him. He is so so sweet!
Me: Why is he sweet?
A: Because he eat gummy bear.

*facepalm*

LOL....

big baby?

Went to an online forum to seek urgent information regarding Filipino helpers and home leave. Came across this line someone said "Having an FDW is like taking care of a big baby."

Somewhat true, sometimes.

On a Roll

Tongue craving for kimchi and anything kimchi related like ramen, kimchi jeon, kimchi fried rice, jiggaes, etc.

Made kimchi jeon for the parents on Saturday haha. Dad didn't have much comment but munched silently on a piece of it so I don't know if he liked it or not. Mum couldn't take more than 2 bites because of the spice and sourness. (It upsets her stomach).

On a kimchi roll......

===================
EXO

recently stanning EXO's songs again and one of the members Do Kyungsoo or D.O. as his stage name goes...

you see? even the lingo I use is changing...stanning...sheesh...can't believe myself. :D

On an EXO roll......

===================
Due to the office shift and my team's temporary location in a meeting room, I've been feeling somewhat distracted and displaced. Been working from home more often and because of that....

I've had the chance to use more face masks too haha...I don't use them when the kids are around because I don't want them to start peeling anything off my face and I don't want them asking to use them too haha.

On a face mask roll.....

===================

I’ve recently been on a buying spree too. 7 tshirts, 4 pairs of shoes, 2 office dresses, 1 denim shirt, 1 bag...

Maybe more on the way......

On a buying roll.....

Melt

Reached inlaws place after work on Monday 23 April.
Alyssa was there at the dining area when I was having dinner. She came over and wanted to hold my hand.

She said: "Mama, why your hand so so cold?"
Me: "Because Mama worked in a cold room the whole day and the bus I was on was cold too."
She said: "Mama, I keep you warm ok! I hold your hands. Come."

My heart, it melted. :)

Thank you for looking after me sayang....

Afternoon WorkDay Energy Boost

Peanut is sick, running a fever which has tapered off and hopefully gets fully eradicated today.
She's not in school today. K arranged for a FaceTime session 30mins ago. :)

Seeing her and talking to her brought me much smiles.

"I miss you!" I told her.

"I miss you!" She parroted.

"I love you!" I told her.

"I love you!" She echoed back again.


Oh much love much love. :) *heartmelt*

Sometimes when I am putting her to sleep. She would just suddenly announce "I like Mama!" or "I love Mama!". Heartmelt moment too...haha.

Men

When there is dust accumulated on your things like your docking station, monitor screen, phone, etc, how would you clean it?

What I've observed in the recent packing frenzy in office is that some men just use paper (normal paper or tracing paper) or tissue paper to sweep off the dust from the items. Women generally use damp towels, wet tissue or wet rolls to wipe the dust off. 

Like hello? Men?!

You just sweep the dust off like that....it'll just end up all over the place and in the air right? No wonder my nose is stuffed up and irritable. No wonder my eyes are teary these couple of days. No wonder people are getting sore throats....

zzzzz.....

This is why I don't understand the use of feather dusters.

Trolling

Trolling their kids is something all parents do at some point in their growing kids' lives. :)

We were at the clinic waiting for Nadya's turn on Wednesday night. She had a persistent cough and phelgm. The clinic had a kitchen stove playset there.

N: Mama, I'm cooking. What do you want?
Me: I want grilled chicken breast glazed with a semi-reduction of honey and balsamic vinegar.
N: Ok!
Me: you know what that is?
N: No. But I think I will just make cupcakes for you.

Lol....:D

Alyssa

I think Alyssa speaks fairly well for her age.
She started speaking later than Nadya but in terms of advancement, she's improving at a much faster rate. Maybe having an older sibling helps.

The only thing with her is that we've all gone abit lax with regard to speaking Singlish. With Nadya last time, we made sure to speak clearly and rarely used Singlish except for the occassional lapse. With Alyssa, I think we've all somehow just used Singlish quite regularly.

=================
She's so cute and charming too. Even my brother says so.
She'd already eaten but was hanging around K and myself when we were having dinner last night.

She climbed into a chair and started scooping vegetables for us both.

"Mama Dada, do you want some?"

"Mama, do you want beans?"

When I declined the beans, she said: "Ok. Then you eat your vegetables lor. Finish your sausage. Finish your rice!"

Haha....now who's mothering who?

I want to....

1. Learn a musical instrument....a guitar or piano/keyboard
2. Take a class on drawing, calligraphy, watercolour painting or related stuff....
3. Cook. In an undisturbed kitchen free of children or helper. Something that I want to eat and not have to consider if the children can eat or not. 
4. Curl up in bed. And watch Korean shows. Especially variety shows. And laugh my ass off. 
5. Smile and be carefree. 

Clarity

Prayed for health, happiness, strength, patience and clarity while at Novena Church yesterday afternoon.

Health and happiness for obvious reasons. :)
Strength to carry on when the going gets tough.
Patience when dealing with the 2 girls and when dealing with certain people at work.

And I prayed for clarity in both my work and personal lives.

For a long time I've been in a fuddy duddy muddled hesitant undecided state about the future of my career. I hope to have some clarity soon...to find a direction and/or goal to work towards...

11 April

Granny's 4th death anniversary.

I had taken the afternoon off to grab lunch with Ally at Novena. And then I took a 5-min walk to Novena church. It had been a long time since I visited this church. I didn't even know that it had recently been renovated. I found my way in and as usual, as with every time I step into a church, I felt like crying. It's gotten better over the years though.

Adrian had gone to Holy Family Church on Tuesday evening. Dad and Mum went to Holy Trinity church on 11 Apr morning and I was at Novena in the afternoon. Lol, this year we all went separately to do our own prayers. It used to be that we would all gather at Holy Family Church together my Aunt as well.

Anyway, I found a pew and settled down. I spent maybe 30-40mins there...speaking with Mother Mary, God.....and Granny of course. I updated Granny on my family's situation...updated her on how the girls were doing, how much they've grown...and of course, I sought Granny's help to watch over all of us. I hope she's having a good time with Ipoh and Tuanku up there.

I prayed too, for all those near and dear to me. For their health, happiness and strength. Especially for my family, K and the 2 girls.

For myself, I prayed for health, happiness, strength, patience and clarity. Patience with the kids and clarity in both my work and personal life.

9 April 2018

090409

Happy 9th anniversary Baby...:)

Friday PM Leave

Taking leave this Friday afternoon.

For a minute change of pace. For a tiny breather. For a tiny break.

What's my plan?

Thinking about having kimchi jeon for lunch that afternoon. Haha.
Kimchi jeon has been on my mind for quite awhile. Ever since K and I had a nice version of it at Yunga Katong V.

See how it goes!