Am feeling a tad alienated..don’t wish to speak too much or anything…just wanna be by myself…quietly hanging out in my own space…can’t do that on Sundays though..bro, dasao & marc are here…and my room becomes the centre of activity..cos that’s where marc’s toys are kept…can’t listen to my music..can’t chill by myself…and I’ll get irritated by the gurgles, shouts and screams..that is..till 2plus when they leave….
But nah..today’s a slightly different story..marc didn’t wanna go home..so bro n dasao left him here…hope I don’t get too disturbed haa…
Hmm…yeah…alienation is the word…can’t connect with them as much as I used to be able to…sighz…when I’m at home…I just don’t feel like talking...attempts at conversation will be met with short responses from me…and sometimes curt ones..know it’s not right of me..and know it’s definitely not fair of me…and know it’s not polite of me…but somehow can’t help it…it’s like as if I’m re-living teenage angst in my mid-twenties…
But I also try lah..to engage in some conversations which are more cheery…perhaps the focus in our lives are all too different?? Me being the youngest, I still wanna have my fun and all…whereas mum n dad are in a different era…and bro n dasao are in the stage of life where building a family nest is the all important key…
Marc’s just gone off for a nap in mum n dad’s room…peace for the moment…the solitude within my own four walls is reassuring…can’t help wondering...think I’ve built up the barrier myself..fencing myself from their side of the pasture…holing myself up...hmm…
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