Disappointment

Today...is a day of failure and disappointment.

I'm disappointed at myself.
That I gave up so easily and didn't bother trying to hang on.

I dropped out of the relay. When I was halfway through.
Didn't have the guts and energy to hang on.
Compared myself to the other competitors, panicked and gave up.
Climbed out of the pool and well...hid in the toilet to scrub my number markings away.

Disappointed cos I let it all get to me.
Could have finished it...though very slowly lah..
But well, yeah...I freaked out in the pool and in the end couldn't breathe properly.
Was hanging onto the plastic lane markings...then I turned back.
Abhorringly pathetic.

Guess it didn't help when I was in the same pool as Ang Peng Siong and Sng Ju Wei and some other swimmers from the Ang Peng Siong Swimming School.
When they were done with 1 lap, I was only halfway through.

fuck fuck fuck.
I always can't seem to complete things.
Think I might be better off hiding in my corner and being a bimbo.
Personal demons are hard to conquer.

i am sad.