Melancholia

I can never understand.
How can I?
Not when I'm not told.
Ignorance is Bliss.
Not applicable all the time buster.

Enough of whining I know.
I give you due respect.
And I shall not speak of this again.
Just like how I have shut my trap over other stuff.

But in a way.
It's disappointing. Hurting too maybe.
I don't know.
Different level of expectations maybe.

What's the difference between having faith and having blind faith?
I hope my faith doesn't turn into blind faith.
Give me reason to believe.

I don't know where I stand.
Or have I fallen already?
Been waiting for your enlightenment.
To no god damn avail.

And stop using the phrase "I have been through that stage".
So what if you have?

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Deep down I think I'm a loner at heart.
Find it hard to comm with others at times.
Or have I built a wall around myself?
Gosh, I seem to be perpetually sombre or melancholic.
Pass me the antidote please.
I have become someone whom I don't know anymore.
Or have I been like this all along?

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I think I'm getting dumber too.
Will the world stop spinning?
Can things slow down just a mite
So that the sloth in me can catch a breath?
I'm a walking paradox.

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I feel like crying.
The cycle has come forth again.
No cannot.
I need to conserve energy.
Tomorrow got meeting.

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Why is it that my thought processes gets stunted most of the time?
Why is that my tongue gets tied most of the time?
Why is that I express myself better in writing?
Why is that I clam up in person?
Why Why?
Tell me why?

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Nabeh. I need a drink.
Finished Mr Bacardi on Sunday...
I think for now.
The best antidote is my bed.
Let's hope sleep comes knocking on my door the moment my head touches the pillow.