A loud crack of thunder just rolled off the skies. A damn loud one.
And my immediate thought was...
"I hope the 2 girls are ok and didn't get scared."
Followed by....
"Wish I could give them a big hug each right now..."
My little babies...Mama hopes you're doing fine...
Thankful to the nurses & technicians who were extremely patient and reassuring this afternoon.
I must have seemed like a small scared child. But one of the ladies assured me that while there were many folks who were ok with an MRI and being in the tunnel, there were equally as many who were very nervous about it.
And so voila, MRI & MRA are done. 16 years later after my brain surgery on 11 October 2005.
New doc on my case ordered the MRI to be done because the old MRI, MRA and CT scans from back then were grainy "as technology wasn't that great then and many improvements have been made".
Thankful it is over. I did consider pushing the appointment back but that was just delaying what would be an inevitable scan.
And I went for the scan alone. Whee!
Not so whee! though....when I saw the bill...even with 50% government subsidy, the bill came up to $1,122.....
Like what K said....it's buying a peace of mind...
Pissed and upset.
There's a project initiated by the technical team. 4 team leads were supposed to split the work and provide inputs on each person's assigned areas, by a deadline.
I did my part early on, eager to get it off my plate and focus on other issues which were piling up.
And now. They are saying that they want to approach the project differently instead, using a totally different method. i.e. whatever I did is down the drain.
Like WTF?
Nabeh laoniang put in time and effort and was the first to provide inputs but have now been "penalised" and need to redo everything in a radically different way?? The rest of the team leads who did not bother to work on this project yet, are ironically now better off.
I will niam and I will be pissed. I'd give myself this at least. My anger is not unfounded.
But I can't do anything too, except suck thumb.
I'll get over it soon. I hope.
老娘四十一岁了。算不算是中年期？
Is that the right term for "middle-aged" in Chinese?
Lol anyway...I was thankful. Had 2 surprises on Saturday. One came in the morning, a sweet flower box with sunflowers, roses and some other flowers I don't know the names to. The colours were very cheery and sweet! The flower box came partnered with a Cedele cake haha. From besties Ally & PQ!
The second one delivery came in the afternoon. A musical "box" with a wooden base and 2 girl figurines on top, with a dog and a teddy bear, and a rubber rainbow. It had an airplant glued on to it as well. From lovely Kah Hui!
Here's to being in my 40s!
I hope to learn more and continue improving myself bit by bit here and there. I hope to stay healthy and happy. And...I hope all my loved ones around me, friends and family included, stay blessed, healthy and happy too!
Alyssa: I don't want to go to gymastics tomorrow. I hate gym, I shouldn't have chosen gym.
Nadya: (launched into a 5-minute spiel) Well, you still have tonight and part of tomorrow morning to think for yourself and tell yourself that you can do it. You know...you can take this as a challenge and think of how you can push through and handle this challenge. Just don't give up or say you cannot do it. You must say that you can do it so that you can, and then you really can do it! If you find yourself falling into a hole or getting stuck, try not to dig yourself deeper into the hole. But think how you can get out of the hole. Find a solution! ......
And Nadya said a lot more but I couldn't remember the rest of it lol.
Was kinda surprised she said so much and part of me hoped she would remind herself of these words when she herself starts getting whiny. Heh.
Because of Alyssa, I'm falling in love with Sumikko Gurashi too haha.
Sibei cute. We're trying to learn all the characters' names now haha.
And I went on a small rampage last week and ordered $30+ worth of small Sumikko knick-kacks from acrylic keychains to soft toy keychains, stickers, files and correction tape lol...
Can't quite tell which is my fav character though...they're all so darn cute...
Inlaws recently gifted the girls with a small abacus each.
And so now, I've taken to learning how to use it. YouTube & Google are my good friends lol....
Taking this opportunity to get Alyssa started on her "ones, tens, hundreds" concept since she'll be learning it next year in P1.
活到老学到老?
Lol....
Alyssa said this to me the other day and got me feeling all warm and fuzzy.
"Mama, you are good at making people feel nice, happy and special!"
Thank you sweetie, for making Mama feel nice, happy and special too...:)
Recently started reading some online books and stories. Mostly of the lycan/werewolf/supernatural genre.
Some are downright tacky and trashy. Some have horrible English, with terrible spelling, equally terrible grammar and non-existent proof-reading. I drop these immediately these like hot coals.
But there are some which are bearable and some riveting enough to keep me wanting to read more. I'm surprised there's a current story I am reading where I've learnt some new vocabulary as well.
Lol....here's to more lycans and werewolves and vampires entertaining me in the weeks and months to come!
Today's dental session took alot out of me. I'd postponed it for a year plus....so might as well get it over and done with already.
The queueing and waiting for my antibiotics, and the subsequent snack at the foodcourt and downing of 8 pills took some mental effort and energy. The cleaning session itself took the bulk of whatever energy I had left lol.
The new lady dentist was a nice and sweet, and very young thing. She commended me for good brushing and flossing and said my teeth were doing pretty good. As cheesy as it sounds, I felt like a small child being praised by a teacher and my chest puffed with pride lol.
But for some reason, today's cleaning and scaling was quite uncomfortable. That praise did little to quell the tension I had.
The jazz music the dentist played in the background didn't quite ease the situation too lol. Not when I could hear drilling from next door and the sounds of the various apparatus in my own room.
I think I was tense all throughout the 30mins or so. With some parts more tense than other times. I remember suddenly realising my fists were clenched, and at other times, they were clasped tightly together in a prayer position. Didn't realise I was frowning as well till the dentist told me afterwards.
Maybe I've not cleaned my teeth for more than a year and have forgotten the invasive and abrasive feeling of it. The loud sounds, the way the metal tool (scraper?) goes under your gumline, the way the other tube sucks out whatever liquid there is in your mouth, the way your lips are pulled......
The last tooth she cleaned, was painful. I could feel the bitter copper taste of blood on my tongue the moment she started on that tooth. It shocked me when I rinsed my mouth with clear water after she was done, and spit out red liquid instead. :(
I was tired after the session. Mentally.
All I wanted to do was go home and hide in my room.
And maybe catch a few winks to recharge my battery.
Jiayou! At least I've gotten over this session.
The next check-up is in 6 months...but as usual errr....I will postpone and drag it till....9 months or 1 year ;p
A little unwilling. That time has managed to slip by me that fast again.
I thought I was just celebrating CNY and taking stock of my team's workplan items for the new financial year (which starts in March).
And then now, it's October already. We're officially into the last quarter of the calendar year. And officially midway through the financial year.
It's my birthday month. And Christmas is coming.
Too fast. Too fast.
Slow down please.
I want to look at baby sprouts growing. I want to lie down and watch the clouds float by.
I want to get a day when I can sleep all the way and wake up naturally instead of getting woken up by an alarm or by someone.
I want to get some weeks where I can just sit alone with a clear unoccupied mind instead of having some mental load on my mind.
Grew more white hair in the past 12 months alone, than in the last 5 years (or 10?).
Soon it'll be a rush for presents, and spring cleaning, and performance appraisals, and then getting new notes and new clothes thereafter.
May all be well. May all be peaceful and smooth. May all be healthy and happy.
Experiencing some symptoms and behaviour reminiscent of 2 years back.
Thought I was managing myself alright.
Ok..breathe!
Remember....Thoughts --> Feelings --> Behaviour
Therefore, manage the root better....
Alyssa turned 6!
She had a full day of activities that Friday lol. She wanted to travel by bus and train (since we usually travel by car) and she wanted to catch a movie and eat BK.
K had a father-daughter date with her. He brought her out and took the bus to Paya Lebar, then switched to the train and went all the way to Nex to catch Boss Baby 2 with her. Lunch was at BK, hung around a little at a pet shop at Nex and then came back home.
She was too buzzed to take her afternoon nap. Anyway, she's been trying to skip it once in a while these days, saying she's getting bigger already. :) So she and I spent some time in the afternoon doing some craft and conducting an experiment over what items found in my bedroom will float or sink.
She wanted to eat Sushiro for dinner, so we all trooped down to fetch Nadya from her student care centre and popped by Sushiro. She indulged in all her favourite stuff like unagi sushi, prawn tempura, squid sushi, and crabstick tempura sushi. Nadya took her usual tamago sushi, chawanmushi, crabstick tempura sushi, and some others I cannot remember now haha.
Got a rich chocolate cake and then went back home to sing her a birthday song, blow candles and have dessert.
I think Alyssa thoroughly enjoyed herself that day. :) Happy to see her happy.
24 September 2021. Alyssa's 6th birthday.
Both girls had an argument in the evening over something (I can't recall by now).
Nadya came into my room with furrowed brows and asked me: "Mama, Alyssa told me that you said to her you wished you didn't give birth to me. Is this true?"
I was alarmed. Those were harsh hurting words. I said no such thing. And where on earth did the small one hear of such stuff?
Had to allay Nadya's fears and reassure her first. I then went into their bedroom and spoke to Alyssa but couldn't find out much from her on where she'd picked up those words from. Chided her gently for falsely telling Nadya that I said those things as well.
And had to reassure both girls that Mama loves them alot and would never say such things to them.
I hope they're reassured.
27 Sept 2021. Monday.
Start of a 2-week HBL period.
Nadya: Mama! We can eat Dada you know?
Me: Har??
N: Ya! Because he is Kueh Dadar!
N: *guffaws*
-_-''
Lol...lately she's been dishing out more 冷笑话s. Wonder where she's getting them from. Probably from friends in school or her student care centre....
We have Sunday evenings as mini-movie nights.
Mini because we don't do a full movie but just 30-35mins. So a movie is split over 3-4 Sundays to finish up.
We recently did the Sumikko Gurashi movie. There was no spoken dialogue and most of the character's thoughts and feelings were captioned on the screen in Japanese words instead. There were English subtitles too. I wondered though, if Nadya could read the subtitles fast enough, and if Alyssa could even understand any of it at all.
The movie ended on a sad note though, when one of the characters had to stay back in its own alternate universe. It had to be separated from the rest of its friends and could not join them in their world.
When it came to that ending scene, I heard a whimper from Nadya (who was sitting next to me) and was surprised to see her tearing up and crying mildly. What shocked K & I even more was when Alyssa burst out crying as well and continued bawling for a long time after.
It was full-fledged crying. Red eyes. Snot. Constant stream of tears. Heaving. Hitching.
My heart felt so bad for her...She was so saddened by the movie's ending. She had latched on to K and refused to let go so he had to spend quite some time consoling her....
Now I know. They probably take after me when watching shows. I cry at every single shit. Lol....
We finally bought a table-top grill/BBQ/hotplate last month.
And we did a mini home BBQ session last Saturday on our balcony haha. K was the chef, I was his assistant, helper was prepper, and the kids were.....the customers lol.
Pork belly, swiss brown mushrooms, shabu beef, prawns, squid, beef patty, chicken, tau geh, scallion, lettuce, hot dogs...K made his own burgers too haha...
Anyway, it was fun and yummy (and oily lol) and we were watching the NDP performances at the same time too.
Food was good, company was good, NDP performances were great...
It was a happy Saturday 21 Aug 2021 evening!
Went back to the office yesterday for a couple of hours. Was happy to catch up and spend time with ST.
Was happy too to get my new laptop and catch up with some of the tech guys who were there. :)
But I realised, being the introvert that I am, and having not physically spoken to so many people face to face for a long long time (save for meals with the extended family), I felt quite drained after that lol. Could literally feel my battery juice and energy run low. :D
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And so, after 10 years, I'll be back to using a Thinkpad. I started out with an IBM Thinkpad in this place in 2007, sought it over from the company when the 3-year refresh period was up and eventually passed the laptop on to my FIL who tinkered with it for awhile before it finally kaput.
Pending some other set-up to be done and configured first before I switch over to the new laptop. It's a Lenovo Thinkpad now haha.
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Pumpkin sprouts are growing well! But I have no idea what t do with them thereafter.... haha...Haven't had the chance to do any research also...will have to play by ear when they get bigger and taller....
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Meet-ups and gatherings in the next 2-3 weeks. Plus a much needed haircut. Hope my hairdresser is available on my off day. I've not cut my hair for 14 months. And it's getting very unruly at the ends...I need to lop off at least 4-5 inches I think....
Dr Mok gave me an affirmation yesterday.
"You are very self-aware. Some people don't even know what's wrong or which areas to fix. You are also a determined person and put in effort to manage things."
I just have to remind myself again and again not to overthink. Because our thoughts influence our feelings, which in turn influence our actions and behaviours.
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坚持是雄壮的。- Dennis Chew, on Hear You Out Season 2 Episode 4.
Pushed myself hard back in Sec 4. Pushed hard in the last year of uni. Pushed hard on and off in the last 9 years.
有时候觉得累， 有时候觉得骄傲。
有时候觉得不知道自己在干什么， 只知道自己只能往前走。
Keep walking, keep going.
I might be slower than some others or taking a longer time but I'll keep at my pace and my comfort level, just as long as I keep walking.
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A certain Mr Fernando told my friend during my internship when I was 21 years old that "Michelle will not survive in the corporate world when she goes out to work next time."
His comment pops up from time to time. It can lie dormant for several years and then something triggers that memory and the comment floats up again.
Not sure if my striving hard at work has anything to do with proving him wrong. Yeah, I'm not private sector corporate per se, but I think I'm still doing well enough in the public sector.
And at my own pace. I am not very ambitious. I don't actively seek out chances or opportunities so I can shine. I don't look for work or new projects to showcase myself. I just sit and wait in my corner. If there is an opportunity that happens along, and I feel I can take it, then I do so.....
Just thankful for all that has come by in my working life....good or bad...
