想对自己说

最近几天精神状态不太好

想提醒自己，要多包容自己，也对自己宽容些

做错就学，再错再学，不断的努力，不断地磨练

如果觉得跟想象中的自己有所差别有所落差

就再学再拼再努力

成为更好的自己

但也不需要太着急， 不需要给自己太多压力，太多压迫感

就跟着自己的节奏走

走三步退两步也算是往前走了一步

始终还是可以到达目的地

你可以的

加油！

"Popular"

Feel so "popular" recently...lol

"MOH" calls me..."MOM" calls me..."DBS" calls me....

"Singpost" and "DHL" call me too....

"Fedex" doesn't like me anymore though, I don't hear from them anymore.

BUT....my mum lagi best...."High Court of Singapore" called her the other day hahaha...

Sleuth

I'm silently fuming right now. 

It's been a few weeks since I first discovered that a pair of tweezers I kept in a pouch in a cupboard in my toilet seemed to have grown legs and was shifting around a little within the pouch. I wasn't using it at all and was also uncertain if it had really been used by someone else or had merely shifted positions due to items within the pouch having settled down over time. 

Week 1: I put the tweezers under some other items. Couple of days later, it seemed to have shifted again. 

Week 2: This time round, I put the tweezers right at the bottom of the pouch. With everything else in the pouch placed on top of it. No shifting and I left it there at the bottom of the pouch. 

Week 3: Came home from lunch today. When I checked the pouch, the pair of tweezers was in a semi-standing position at the top of the pouch. 

I asked K if he used it, though in my heart I knew he couldn't have used it. But well, I needed to check and confirm it, and cannot work based on assumptions. He didn't use it. It couldn't have been the kids. They were not allowed to open the cupboard when I wasn't around. I didn't use it. 

Means the helper must have used it. 

She happened to come into my room a few minutes after I reached my conclusion. I asked her: "What are you using the tweezers in my cupboard for?" 

Having known her for several years, I know her first reaction would be to act blur, and deny anything and everything if I asked her this question instead: "Did you use my tweezers?"

Decided to ask her directly what she was using the tweezers for. She denied it at first with a "har?" But in the split second thereafter, she must have decided that it would be better to come clean. She gave a small laugh and said she used it to trim her brows. 

Told her if she wanted to borrow anything to use, she would need to ask first. She said ok. I would have left it at that. But she went to add that she'd only used it one time, which was yesterday. 

Nabeh angry. Got caught and now trying to justify by saying it was only once? It was not only one time for sure. I told her I know it's been going on for awhile. She gave me a quirked brow and said ok, as if to say "ok lor, if you don't believe me." 

Told her I expect honesty from her. She said ok. 

Dulan. 

This incident may have been just about a small pair of tweezers. An inconsequential item. But it's the "deceit" and the "going around stealthily behind closed doors" that is getting to me. 

Wonder what other things she has done behind our backs? 

I hope this incident stops any further 小动作 from her. 

Am I too soft and lenient? 

Conversations with the 6yr-old

I was ordering a Hello Kitty correction tape for Nadya a few days ago when Alyssa said she wanted one too, just not with a Hello Kitty design. 

I found some with Mickey and Minnie designs and showed them to her. 

A: No, these are too kiddy for me. Frozen and all those princess stuff are too kiddy too. Sumikko Gurashi or Gudetama are ok. 

Lol....so Jap cartoon characters are not kiddy....but Elsa, Anna, Mickey, Minnie and all those "princesses" are kiddy...

Rant

Let me do my job and ask what I need to know. Else how am I going to settle things. 

Nabeh, keep cutting me off for what? Let me finish my sentences can??????

Bloody testosterones. I hope you're not trying to establish any "unspoken" authority on me. 

I'm just doing my small part here to have operational flow of things as smooth as possible. I may be totally new to this part of the business but I'm contributing ok. 

Dream.

Slept at 1130 after settling some work stuff. 

Woke at 430am to pee. And couldn't get back to sleep thereafter for a long while I think. 

I remember thinking about work stuff. And then I remember I had a dream (must have fallen asleep at some point). 

It was one of those dreams with the same recurring theme. 

I was in a school or going to school for a lecture. I remember having foolscap paper in my bag and I was in a uniform. A JC uniform. Though the school felt like it was a university campus. And as usual, I couldn't find my classroom or lecture hall. There were others around me but they seemed to be "greyed out" in the dream. Just moving shapes that's all I think. 

I remember falling into a fishpond in my quest to find my lecture hall too. Not sure how that happened though or how the dream ended.

Laoniang is tired and sleepy. Hope I stay focused enough for my 2-330pm and 330-430 meetings....

Mornings

Been a long habit of mine to watch from my bedroom window as K drives the 2 girls off to school. At least since 2 years back when the work-from-home arrangement first started. And it's been a recent habit to linger longer at the window after they've driven off, just to stare at the surroundings as dawn breaks, the sun rises and clouds drift. 

Rather picturesque and pretty calming too. 

To see all the various colours unfold, meld and blend together.

Blacks, greys and blues slowly get broken up by bits of pinks and lilacs and purples. And then oranges and yellows come into the picture there after.

And I think, air traffic has increased significantly. Before the pandemic, I see planes flying past every couple of minutes. Then it decreased to me seeing none at all, except for the rare occasion. These few days I've noticed alot more planes in the mornings, sometimes at frequencies of one every 5-10mins. 

Work Meeting

1 March 2022 (Tues) 4pm to 630pm.

Testosterone-filled meeting. 10 men and 2 ladies (me being one of the 2). 5 out of the 10 guys were of higher designations. Another 2 or 3 of same rank. 

Project is of a very urgent nature. But in an area I know nuts about and had to spend the last few days trying to wrap my head around things. 

Needless to say. 

In the entire 2.5hrs meeting. I was endlessly taking notes for myself. 

And I only uttered 3 words. 

Ok - somewhere in the first 1/4 of the meeting. 

Thanks. Bye. - When the meeting concluded and we were all getting off the call. 

2nd meeting will take place on 3 Mar at 4pm again. :)

Hope I'm more familiar and no information overload by then. :) 

Breathe

New project that just got in. Urgent timeline of one week. National project.

Realised my stomach was tense this morning and last night as well when I was activated at 10pm to settle an email. Realised also that I had the "flip-flop fluttery rumbling" feeling in my chest this morning. I don't know how else to describe it except that I felt my heart was doing cartwheels in my chest.

My signs of anxiety. 

I need to manage myself. 

Breathe Michelle. Breathe.....!!

Prata

Happy. 

Been a long long time since I had a whole prata to myself, and with curry too. 

Helper was on her off day yesterday so we brought the girls out to a nearby kopitiam for dinner. Nadya requested for prata (strange but true!). 

There was Hai Kee there so Alyssa had her usual favourite roast pork noodles. And she ate quite alot. 

Nadya had 2 egg pratas but gave up on the curry as it was too spicy for her. She's still taking baby steps for spicy foods. 

I had some food from the cai perng stall. And a whole kosong prata to myself...I didn't slather it with curry like how I would in the past...merely dipped the prata in the curry. But it was step up! Compared to the 2 years plus ago when I completely stopped any form of prata at all haha. (Cos oily + spicy = big no no at that point in time)

I mentally prepped myself for any possible protest from my stomach last night....And I was thankful to find that I was ok! Slight bloating as usual from eating oily stuff...but I was otherwise ok! Thankful for that...:) 

Yay!

Music and moods

I've had enough of ang moh pop over the last few days...the likes of Maroon 5, Rihanna, Katy Perry, Adele, Imagine Dragons, Coldplay, Ed Sheeran, Dua Lipa...and what have you....

Back to piano/slow jazz/instrumental as my BGM today lol...

My team!

Thankful for having 2 team members who understand me and get what I am trying to say or do. 

Thankful that we bounce ideas off each other and feed off each other's thoughts to build better approaches. 

Thankful that we work well with each other and thankful that we're mostly of the same "kuan4" and of similar frequency. 

Day 7 of Isolation with Nadya

Dragged myself out of bed. Felt quite tired. 

Did the usual new routine of getting ourselves washed up and masked up, and had breakfast. I decided to test ourselves since we didn't yesterday. 

And so voila! Just like that....

Day 7 has been cut short...The room door is now open!

Cos she tested negative....:) 

Back to school for her tomorrow. 

I think she's happy to go back to school and also partly wary as she feels there'll be a ton of homework for her to catch up on. I don't know, we'll have to see how that goes.

I am just thankful that she's ok, and that her symptoms were mild and highly manageable. And I hope she stays safe going forward....

I'm still monitoring myself though. Feeling a little under the weather from time to time. 

Breathe...

Some patience goes a long way. 

Much patience goes an even longer way. 

Breathe...

That constant whining and fussing this entire morning will soon pass. As will this whole situation. 

Jiayou!! Fighting!!

19 Feb - Day 4 of Isolation with Nadya

Day 4's playlists included Blue, Ed Sheeran, Coldplay, Lady Gaga, and Imagine Dragons...

Plus I let her watch a video on watercolouring from one of my favourite Youtubers of this genre...Shayda Campbell. 

We didn't cook yesterday so K went out to buy food...the BK for dinner cheered the girls up abit..:) And the FaceTime sessions with emojis brought smiles and laughter to all of us...Glad it tickled the girls so much :) 

Nadya did her English assessment and completed her school's Math homework. And she worked herself through yet another Percy Jackson book. She must have re-read that book a 2nd or 3rd time lol...

All's good. Her fever was gone. Just left with phlegm, a scratchy throat and slight cough. 

I cleaned the toilet yesterday with Dettol, dry-mopped and wet-wiped the room floor as well. Been awhile since I got on all fours to wipe the floor...lol. I discovered many dustballs in certain areas. I'd have to speak to the helper about cleaning my room more thoroughly next time. For areas she can't "see", doesn't mean she doesn't need to clean...zzz. 

Day 3 of Isolation with Nadya

Friday 18 Feb 2022 - Day 3 and counting...

• Thankful I took leave today else I'll be an octopus again trying to settle both work and her. 
• My ears are ringing...The number of various playlists I had to listen to today....some we went through partially only though....BlackPink, EXO, BTS, Jay Chou, Maroon5, Alan Walker, Katy Perry....
• Had a 45-min video call with my parents in the morning. My eyes got tired and "siap siap" from staring at my mobile too much.
• She's more cranky compared to the previous 2 days. Probably because she's getting bored. Also because her fever has mostly gone off and she's more alert now and trying to find things to do to occupy herself...
• Her teachers are very "on". Form teacher asked us to collect her homework from the General Office today. K came back with a pile of books and worksheets. English, Chinese, Maths, Science...I'm thankful no Art or Social Studies or 好公民 homework lol...Spent some time supervising her and teaching her English and Science...and felt accomplished though tired haha. 
• NTUC came today! Yay, I stocked up on honey yuzu drink, raisin bread, and some choc buns for the girls...:) Plus fresh veg for the family. 
• Realised after these few days in this room, I am a mother, worker, colleague, teacher/tutor, nurse, safe distancing officer, DJ, cleaner, nanny, entertainer, nagger, meal planner, schedule keeper, etc..........
• The number of ART kits the whole family used since CNY eve is reaching 30...almost wiped out whatever stock I'd been collecting and keeping at home. K managed to collect some from the vending machines and I ordered more online as well. 
• Still washing hands like nobody's business...forgot to use handcream for most of the day and by the time I realised, the skin between my fingers were showing signs of flaky skin and dryness...

May Nadya get well soon.

And may the rest of us stay Covid-free, safe, healthy and happy!

And may ALL of us stay sane too lol...

Jiayou to K & I!

Day 2 of self-isolation with Nadya

It was tough last night. N was snoring her head off. I kicked her foot several times, to no avail lol...And she got up once or twice to pee or to drink water. 

Needless to say, I was rather tired this morning. A little frazzled too when attending a 3-hr call and trying to look after her at the same time. She spilled half of her water bottle at some point in time and I was frantically trying to clean it up while listening to the call. 

That said though..I am still thankful that she's doing good. No fever tonight. Compared to 38.2C this morning. Just that her nose is still a little stuffed and her throat is sore. 

I am trying to keep her and myself well-hydrated. 

And I am trying to keep myself well and healthy and of course...Covid-free. 

I've been washing my hands so frequently I feel like as if I have OCD. Also cleaned some common surfaces in the room this morning with Dettol...like the light switches, door handles, tabletops, toilet bowl, shower area, etc. 

May Nadya get well soon. And may I and the rest at home stay well and healthy, especially Alyssa, whom we're monitoring closely.  

C+

And so my fear came true. 

N had fever this evening and her ART test kit was positive. K was still in camp. Thought I'd be panicking my head off but I surprised myself cos I didn't. 

Been 3 over hours. Still waiting for them to be back from KKH. 

I hope the rest of the family stays negative. 

I feel a little off and warm today though. :(  May I be well. 

Cases...

I feel quite uncomfortable. With the surge in cases, and so many around me getting it. 

3 colleagues, 2 neighbours (one with an 18-month baby who got it as well), a friend's whole family including their 6yr and 3yr-olds, the student care staff, etc...

I just packed a small plastic bag of panadol for adults, fever medication for kids and some fruits for my neighbour and left it at their door. The husband reached out to K for some help on medication as they were running out of it. 

While life still needs to go on and the girls still go to school and their classes or student care, I send them with a worried heart and mind. 

K is in reservist these 2 weeks starting from today. I worry for him as well. 

May all be well and safe. May all keep well and safe. 

CNY 2022

Despite the rise in Covid cases, CNY was less subdued than last year for us. 

We managed to visit our parents, 2 of my uncles' houses and one of K's aunts' place. Thankful to see them still keeping well and going strong!

Did something different this year as well. To send festive greetings, I texted all my distant cousins and called or texted all my aunts whom I did not manage to visit in person. It felt daunting and awkward at first but I guess the first time is always the hardest. To keep familial ties going, especially now in this Covid situation where we can't all gather at someone's home anymore, this is the least I felt I had to do...

I feel blessed too. We did not buy any snacks and were gifted many things by friends, family and neighbours. Totally "inundated" lol....

• 5 bottles of pineapple tarts
• 1 bottle of almond chocolate chip cookies
• 1 bottle of florentines 
• 1 bottle of ondeh ondeh tarts from Olella
• 1 bottle of fried seaweed chips
• 1 box of pineapple cakes
• 1 box of love letters
• 1/2 a kueh lapis cake from Bengawan Solo

We're still struggling to finish some of these. Wondering how...pass some to others maybe...

And I still have a whole bunch of oranges in my fridge..lol...

I feel blessed too that I managed to get a dress quite last minute. I didn't intend to get any, was busy with work and things and didn't feel compelled to buy a new piece of something. 

Spent 30mins online 5 or 6 days prior to CNY and chanced upon a dress from LoveBonito that I felt ok with and which still had my size. Ordered it and got it "express couriered" to me. Lol...

May the Year ahead bring us all good health, prosperity and happiness. Huat ah!