The weather is @#$@$&%^*#$W^%$.
Sibei hot.
I toss and turn at night cos of the heat and humidity. Back of my neck and my back gets sticky and it makes me uncomfy. Turning on the aircon makes my nose get stuffed. The fan helps a little but I still get sticky....
So....suck thumb....
Bah..!!
I hope it rains today!!
Can feel myself backsliding a little.
Had a small episode where I freaked out at the possibility of a loud noise happening. It's been a year since something like this happened.
Reminder to self to take things in stride, take things easier and self-manage more.
记得，要拿得起放的下，看开多一点，放开多一点。
Trying your best is ok. Just don't try your best till you neglect yourself and your own well-being.
K reminded me too that it's a good sign that my "freaking out" happened after a long interval of a year, compared to the previous time when the interval was maybe in terms of months. True that.
Realised HBL escalated and sped up the stress. Especially when juggling work.
Thankful that HBL's just till the end of this week.
Breathe.
You can do this.
Yes, you can!
What a coincidence. Previous post is also titled "Memories".
Today's post is about the song "Memories" by Maroon 5. Lovely catch tune. Lovely vocals from Adam Levine yet again. And I love the lyrics too.
Spent an hour plus going through and re-packing a box I brought back from the old Tampines flat.
It was labelled "Memories" and held many things inside, mostly letters and cards I'd received since I was in P4 and 5 onwards, some autograph books, some diaries and some stuff I'd made (with my Granny's help) for my Sec 1 & Sec 2 Home Econs hand-sewing projects. I think there were 2 or 3 secondary school magazines as well, because they featured interviews with me and Ally. Lol, we were the 2 with the highest number of distinctions in our O-levels.
Brought back many memories going through that box. I spent a long long time flipping through a diary as well. Realised I started journalling since I was in P5 or 6...some years it was quite regular and some years I'd only have 2 or 3 entries. I think uni years were busy so I didn't write at all. Plus I remember spending more time online on a forum than journalling. I didn't as well when I started working. And only picked it up again in 2004...till now. Of course, the last 17 years of journalling has been an online thing on this blog.
I think it helps...I'll suggest this to the girls next time when they get older. It'll be fun I think, if they are keen on it. :)
That diary I was looking at today brought back many thoughts and memories. Reading through my own detailed descriptions, I could remember how I'd felt during those times when I was 15, 16, 17, 18, 19...Strangely, most of what I'd written was on teenage angst, BGR, and crushes that sort of thing. Family issues were simple mentions...Didn't realise I had my fair share of "suitors" when I was young...ahem. Hahaha...
I also found a pile of handwritten letters written when I was in P4, P5, P6 and one from when I was in Sec 2. They were letters to God. Most likely written at a time when my Granny was still attempting to get me to pray to God every night before bed. The letters were very short ones. But at least 2 were a little morbid...where I asked God to let me be reincarnated into a rich family next time or be reincarnated as a horse or a well-loved pet dog. (Strange thoughts for a young kid).
I wonder what I would say to the 15-year-old me...or the 18-year-old me...
Alyssa requested to take the train and bus one day and we thought it would be a good idea too since the girls are usually chauffeured around in cars. Only when K goes on reservist once a year or when the car is out for servicing then they'd get the chance to take the bus or taxi.
We scheduled this little trip on Hari Raya morning. Walked down our lorong and took a bus to Paya Lebar Square, had breakfast at Mac and then took the train from Paya Lebar to City Hall. From City Hall, we explored on foot in the hot hot sun and visited the Civilian War Memorial. From there we crossed an underpass to get to Esplanade Park and we saw the Padang, Tan Kim Seng Fountain and the Cenotaph. We stumbled upon a small playground there and let the girls run around abit. I caught my breath there for awhile.
We then turned back and took an underpass that connected to Citylink mall and ended up at Tim Ho Wan for a light lunch. I think it's been a good 10yrs since I've stepped into Citylink. Ever since my workplace shifted from Suntec to Pasir Panjang, I've not really been to that area. It used to be my "playground" lol and I hung around Bugis, City Hall, and Suntec so much. I was in awe of the changes there.
I think the girls had a good time that day....and I am thankful for that.
==========
On a separate note, I am thankful that I did well enough that day. I would have freaked out if I were to do that trip alone. K and the girls were with me and that alone gave me much strength and comfort.
I still had some jitters though. It was pretty manageable when taking the bus, and I was ok till we got to Paya Lebar MRT station. The sudden throngs of people milling around just outside the station and the people walking around within the station did get to me. Slight sensory overload with the noise and chatter and comings and goings. I kept my eyes mostly on the ground and focused on the girls...In my mind was a constant reminder to "Breathe. It's ok. You can do this. Focus on the girls. Breathe. K is with you." It got better on the train and thereafter things were pretty manageable.
It was a good "challenge" for myself that day...both in terms of taking public transport and walking around outside...
Spent some time this morning with some of my plants
Water Jasmine/Water Plum Bonsai
Happy with how this fella's turning out. It's come a long way, having survived an attack of mealy bugs a year ago and spider mites maybe 6mths ago. Earlier this year it starting shedding leaves quite vigorously and I got quite worried when it looked quite bald and weak at some point.
I've been feeding it with organic compost every 1.5 - 2 mths in recent months and it seems to be doing alot better. Greener leaves, many new shoots and flower buds. I hope it stays this way and stays healthy too.
Airplants
The xerographica looked quite dormant and wasn't growing much. Gave it a soak a couple of days ago. It was supposed to be just a 30mins - 1hr soak but laoniang's bird-brain forgot about it and it stayed in the tub for a couple of hours instead. I was worried it would get too water logged or something but it turned out still okay. In fact, its younger leaves seem to have an extra spring and zest to them these 2 days. Maybe the extra long soak did it well haha...:)
The druids and ionanthas with babies are all doing well. One of the caput medusaes spiked for at least 1.5 - 2mths before it finally flowered. The spike turned a very bright shade of red before the flowers started appearing. Several blooms, which popped out one after another with a few days in between...there were 5 flowers so far....so that means the flowering took place over maybe 3 weeks or so....coupled with the spiking, the whole process took almost 2.5 to 3 months...wah....I'm anticipating a pup to pop out soon...hopefully it does "give birth" to a pup!
The tiniest baby which ST gave me for my birthday last year has outgrown its terrarium home. Its leaves were starting to curl a little due to the limited space it was in. I've brought it out to be in the wider open space with its other siblings now...hopefully its leaves will grow into a nicer shape again.
Ficus Ginseng Bonsai
This little one is not so little anymore. I'm proud of it! Its leaves are pretty lush now and looking green and fresh! It wasn't doing very well in its first year and was extremely bald and shrivelled at one point. But it has since flourished after I had an epiphany and started feeding it with organic compost once every 1.5 to 2mths or so. :) This is the very first bonsai I created and it holds a special place in my heart. So far....it's the only one I created and managed to survive haha...I'm not even sure if I created it correctly as a bonsai plant but oh well....noob here. ;p Just mighty happy that it's doing well enough...and looking plump and happy again.
Recently read that in our closest country neighbour, there's been a long "culture" of schools and even madrasahs physically checking girls to see if they are really telling the truth when they say they are on their periods and hence cannot go for prayers. Apparently it has become the the teachers' quest to "catch" girls who they think are falsely proclaiming this so that the girls can "get out of" or "siam" their daily prayers.
Both male or female teachers undertake various forms of checking including: feeling the girls' crotch area to see if they are really wearing sanitary pads, literally asking the girls to pull down their underwear, asking the girls to dab their private area with a tissue and showing the teacher the stained tissue later, etc.
Some young girls recently spoke out on this matter and the issue has been gaining momentum.
I was aghast and somewhat angry when I read of this "culture". Like what shitty thing is this? A school should be a safe environment, not one where your teachers feel you up. It's criminal if a male teacher does this! And even if it was a lady teacher doing the checks, it doesn't make it any more legit. No girl should be subject to such humiliating, uncomfortable and stressful situations!! No girl should have to "prove" that she is on her period or not.
Maybe I have 2 girls and that's why I felt indignant. I hope MY's lawmakers and politicians take a stand on this matter and make reforms where necessary. Culture and mindset is indeed an ingrained thing and may take a long time to be eradicated or changed, but I sincerely hope they make headway on this.
She came to visit on Labour Day and brought me much discomfort.
Was a little doubled-over on Saturday afternoon. I was bloated, crampy, had a bad lower backache.....and was....well....sibei bloated. I even considered taking panadol to manage the discomfort, a thought which had never crossed my mind once in all of the 30 years that I've been having menses. Didn't help that I had a bout of diarrhoea on Friday night.
The older I get, the more jialat the effects are....especially this past year maybe?
Was feeling crampy and bloated yesterday as well but it was better than Saturday.
The bloatedness is still there today but strangely, now my thighs are sore like shit.
Ganbatte....
(when does menopause set in again? 50? 55?......)
K had Krisflyer miles that were expiring and since we aren't anywhere anytime soon, he swopped it out for vouchers at Fullerton Hotel's brunch service at the Town Restaurant.
We went there yesterday since it was a Labour Day weekend and Alyssa didn't have her swim class.
I think the girls had fun haha...Both were pretty adventurous yesterday and tried the following new things!
In some areas, I am less autocratic. I will let the girls choose whether they want their hair long or not.
I asked Alyssa this morning: "Next year you're going to primary school already and need to wake up early. I don't want any fussing ya. Because I need to get both you and Nadya ready."
A: ok
Me: Are you ok if we cut your hair short so you don't need to tie it? Or would you still prefer to have long hair like now?
A: mmmm.....I think I still want long hair like now...
Me: ok, then you'll need to be cooperative ya.
Handling 2 girls in the mornings next year...and having to get both their hair settled at the same time. Ok, it'll probably be just simple ponytails all the way lol....No time for braids or anything more complicated than a ponytail....
If it were my mum, or my MIL, both girls would probably be in super short bobs with super short bangs lol....
As a reminder to K to stick to original plans in his work endeavours....laoniang wrote 2 notes for him and he stuck them on his computer monitor.
One reads "STICK TO THE PLAN!"
The other reads "DON'T KAR CHNG JIONH!"
In other words, the latter reads as "Don't backside itchy!" when translated from Hokkien.
Nadya recently noticed this note and asked K how to read it....and so....she was prancing around the house yesterday evening singing "Don't kar chng jionh! Don't kar chng jionh!" ...
*face palm* parenting moment.
I reminded her not to sing this or proclaim this out loud when she's out of the house....I erm...hope she remembers this....
Woken up by Nadya at 4:44am this morning.
N: Mama, I cannot find my blanket. I searched everywhere in the room and on the bed.
Me: urgh..mm?....arllhhmm...? ! zzzz...........
Slithered out of bed and helped her find it...but couldn't find it either. Turned out that she didn't even go to bed with it. Her blanket was left outside in the living room the night before when she was using it as a "tudung" during her dress-up play session with Alyssa. K found it and passed it to her.
Went back to bed after that 5-min "fiasco" and when the alarm rang at 615am...I was still so sleepy...
But still, I am thankful that this doesn't occur often. More a rarity than a regular. :)
Ganbatte for the day ahead!!
Current projects/activities in the pipeline...
We shifted here in June 2014.
And for the first time in almost 7 years, our kitchen is steriliser-and-milk-bottle-free.
We've gotten rid of the last of Alyssa's Dr Brown milk bottles, and permanently stored away the Avent steriliser which has served us for a good number of years. Stored it away because our helper wants to send it back to the Philippines for her relative to use. We told her it was a very old (and worn out) appliance but she still wanted it so we let her have it.
Managed to wean Alyssa off quite quickly and easily compared to Nadya. The remaining milk tins will be donated or sold off.
With P1 registrations coming up, with Alyssa entering Singapore's formal education school system next year, with Nadya already in P3 next year, with us donating away the playmat we bought in end 2013/early 2014, with me clearing away more clothes that both girls have outgrown...it seems our parenting journey is transitioning to another phase.
Bittersweet to be honest. I really miss those times they were chubby and tottering around the house. Miss the babbles and gurgles. Yet, I'm also excited to see them growing into little ladies.
For the last 2-3 evenings, I've been helping Alyssa plan, conceptualise and finally work on her craft piece for her school. She's supposed to use various materials provided by the school and whatever we have on hand at home to create a 扇子, a Chinese fan.
Nadya helped out here and there as well.
Yesterday evening, I realised I made a mistake in my calculation and cut a piece of paper with the wronbg proportion. I muttered "Aiyah, I mistake. Aiyah...I hope I can salvage this."
Alyssa was so sweet and responded with a ......
"It's ok Mama. Everybody makes mistakes. I also make mistakes sometimes too."
Lol....so cute.
It being a Sunday, I didn't have much chance to ruminate much about her and "talk" to her. Only found some time to do so in the few minutes before bed.
While I think I'm handling things better in the recent couple of years already, content touching on grandparents still gets to me.
Anyway, I love you Mama. I found a pic of you the other day when I was clearing my old stuff. It was from my Sec 1 project titled "My Family". The photo must have been in the late 1930s or 40s. Posting it here for posterity....
So fast. I've been working from home for a year and 3 weeks already. I still remember 21 Mar 2020 was physically my "last day" in the office.
Various highs and lows. From work and job scope changes, to handling both kids during their home-based learning days, to being able to lunch out much more with K, to handling shitty work stuff brought about by an increase in malicious activities online, to experimenting with recipes, to being able to do more walking, etc...
Time zips by....
Nadya was made class monitor for this term, together with another boy.
She has a badge to pin on her T-shirt everyday now and she's pretty proud of it. :)
We're proud of you too sweetie...Keep it up!
She's set her sight on a junior leader position in the future. I think it's something like a junior prefect but I'm not sure of the duties this role carries. Will leave it to her to navigate and figure out herself how to get there.
Just one or two things that I hope she can tweak though. Her whininess and tendency to complain about anything and everything, whether it's a good or not-so-good situation, she'll find something to whine or complain about. We've spoken to her on a few occasions and reminded her from time to time on this as well. It's slightly better but she still needs to work on it. Let's see how this goes...
