Sumiko Tan

Was reading an article of hers in today's Sunday Lifestyle...and realised that hey...it's exactly what relates to me...
Something which has bothered me alot at times..

Perhaps like what she says..I expect too much of others & myself...
And I rely too much on what others think of me and view me as...

The extract as follows:

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Mybe I've been disappointed too many times by too many people too often and am seeking comfort in cynicism.

Whatever the case, when I look back at my 20s and 30s, it does seem to be one endless period of seeking approval, striving to be nice and desiring to be loved and liked by the people I loved and liked.

Sometimes, the efforts were reciprocrated and I'dd be flying high.

But when they wern't. I'd beat myself up over it. What was it about me that they didn't like?
Was I not nice or understanding enough? ......

For too long, my happiness and sense of worth were tied to things beyond my control - how was I regarded, whether I was being thought aboyt, whether the phone would ring, whether I was considered worthy company for the weekend.

I need approval, my expectations of others were high, but I was setting myself up for disappointment.

Just because you want someone's life to reolve around yours doesn't neccessarily mean that he wants that too.

And even if he does, well, people are busy with their own lives too. You can't make another person fit your specifications and your demands just so you - and only you - can be happy.

And rather than behave in this unreasonable way, isn't it smarter to be more independent? To not have to deoend on others for validation?

The problem os - how does one go about making oneself happy, especially if like me, you don't particularly like your own company that much?

fragmented thoughts...

Specially for Purpleskies...aka Cherry...

hugzz & muackzz for this trying period of time...
there's a listening ear if you ever need one..

shelly

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It's kinda morbid..
3 colleagues faced with news of close relatives passing away...
All within a week...

========
Counting down

to Il Divo...4 days' time
to Krabi...7 days' time

But first...sighzzz...
I need to clear....

ISO ad...mad mad mad rush...
Security EDM & database...
Security Ad in USE newsletter....mad mad rush...

Can I just whine to my boss and hope she helps me out???

=======
Performance Appraisal tomorrow morning.

Kaozz...the session's been postponed for about 3-4 times already..
And it's gonna happen right smack at 9am tmr morning..on a Monday somemore...

Bleah..I think she'll be late anyway...

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CNY coming...so fast...decorations of Xmas & snow and santa claus..
Have mostly given way to gharish looking red & pink flowers...or firecrackers..or caricatures of little gold or pink piglets...

Have you bought your new year clothes yet??
Haha...I settled mine since last December....woohoo!

But of course...the more the merrier.. haha

I-need-to-cut-hair...
getting extremely bushy & messy

my friday night

Dear God,

I promise..the next time I head out for a chilling session...I will not mix different types of alcohol together...

I have received the punishment...And yes, I will be a good girl next time...

Yours,
Michelle

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Ok, this time somach spoil..BIG TIME

Vomitted twice yesterday...was feeling super queasy during the 2nd half of my French lesson...
Teacher made jokes and I could only manage a weak smile...bleah...
Caught a cab back to Tampines after class..

Luckily Serene was heading back to Tampines also and managed to share cab with her...
My new found friend..from french class...2 yrs older...
Quite a nice girl...speaks with a bochup, lazy style...works in an advertising agency...small local start-up, not the big ones...

Managed to see a doc yesterday evening for some tablets to prevent more vomitting..

=( Had to cancel on ahboy for our dinner date...
Bleah...I've only seen him once this week!!

Feeling much better today..in fact much better last night already...
Slight slight diarrhoea..
Bleah..

A little bit of beer + a little champagne + a little vodka + a little whisky
=
BIG TIME stomach spoil....

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Was at Ice Cold Beer with XL & Kym..Got there ard 9-plus and missed seeing a huge fight which broke out there just 30 minutes earlier...
Seemed that spanners & hammers were involved...whoa.. haha..

Coincidentally, they were heading to St James as weoll..
So the 3 of us tropped down there..in a cab of course..
The rain was a bummer...wet shoes & damp hair...
Tried to protect my little green bag too...(from ahboy so must protect.. haha)

Managed to get in for free at Bellini's..YAY! haha..Kym's sis was a member...
Went in an voila! Met Daniel there too.. haha....his last cheong session before he heads to OZ for his studies...

Moved to Power House subsequently..and then voila.. haha, met TP there after awhile...

Made new friends..overall a better experience than my previous time there..
Seems that company really matters hhaa...

zzzzz

Some idiot spent 30 minutes playing MP3s while I was on the train to work this morning..
So many people in this world who don't know basic courtesy
And the girl with him didn't stop him either...
Sheesh.

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Thursday...
Great..!!! One more day!!!

Celia went on sudden MC..and some of her stuff got piled onto me...
Plus there's new stuff that came up...
Busy time...

Trying my best not to get lost amidst the little bits n pieces of things here n there...
But.
I think I am losing grip liao..

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I have nothing on tmr!!!!!
But I want to booze a little and dance a little...
Hmm mm....

drowsy..with medication...

Went for 1st French class on Saturday..
Hmm...teacher seems to be a laidback kinda guy...unorthodox teaching methods...does not refer to textbook at all...
Talks more crao than he teaches....

Shit, hope I'm getting my $$'s worth!!!
Not cheap leh!!

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Wonder how much the Jan payout will be hmm mm.........

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Thursday dinner with the Lemon & Cherry has been confirmed....
Oh man...Brazil again???
hahahahaa....

=========
Krabi...here I come come come!!!!!!!
Woot woot!!
1st trip of the year....

I wanna go rock-climbing!!!
And I dun care if I get bruises or cuts on my shins & knees...

I wanna go rock-climbing!!!!
Shall go there with a small bag...filled with the bare neccessities...
Hope I can get some nice stuff there...
Though not a shopping paradise..but oh well..Thai stuff....are CHEAP!

time has flown by...

You know time has flown by when you're standing at a wedding reception counter
And finding familiar faces int he crowd but you cannot put a name to the face

You know time has flown by when you're sitting at a wedding table
And everyone is talking about marriage & getting flats and who has become a dad or mum

You know time has flown by when you're sipping wine with others at a wedding table
And you don;t run out of things to say cos everyone is so busy updating the rest on what they are doing

You know time has flown by when you're munching food at a wedding table..
And you realise with acute horror...that at least 7 years has gone by...since the last time you were screaming silly cheers during orientation with the others at the wedding table..

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Was at Peiying's wedding just now...
Kinda surprised she invited me...But was glad I was there anyhow..
Was at a table together with Kym, XL, Dennis, Pingwei, Shumin, Suzhen, Nigel, Kaiping & Zhipeng...

Wow, half of these people...are people whom I have not seen for more than a year...
I've not even met Nigel before...
And I've not even seen Zhipeng since he graduated..which is like 5-6years ago?

It was awkward at first...with some talking to those whom they knew better...
But old habits die hard...call it the hostel camaraderie or the hostel spirit...
Things warmed up pretty soon...and it was a nice little catch up session for all...

That's the nice thing about weddings...it doubles up as a gathering for friends who have not seen each other for the longest time possible...

Patrick...has grown thinner again..
Every single time I see him, he gets thinner!!!
He promised a meal sometime...but oh well.. haha...that was the same thing he said the last time I met him coincidentally on the streets....
Just glad to see that he's the same old guy-next door...albeit thinner...

Zhipeng...crappy guy.. haha...father of one liao...aw man...

Dennis...getting married in April...

Kaiping...wedding in July too..

Kym & XL? hehe..akan datang....woohoo...happy for them....=))

p/s: Kaiping whispered to me that I've grown thinner...and that my boobs have shrunk...kns...grrrrrr..............hahhaa...

on a wednesday night

Quite a few things happened in the 2nd half of last year..
Didn't realise it..
But somehow it affected me quite abit...
So much so that it's affected how I view people to people relationships...

My faith in people has grown considerably less...
Used to give people the benefit of the doubt last time..
Chose to believe that everybody is good and kind..even when I meet them for the first time..

As years go by, especially last year...
It has become...this is person is nice & friendly...
BUT hmm..I wonder what does he/she have up his/her sleeve??

Haha..aw man..this is not the way to go...
Will try to renew my faith in people...as what red biscuit says...
And oh yah..dun put too much friendship into work relationships..
Bah..oh well.....

==========
Re-new
Re-charge
Re-motivate
Re-energise
Re-juvenate

It has just grown from 4Rs to 5Rs.. haha...
May the year of the Fire Boar bring much luck to the Metal Monkey...

Should I have?

Was walking out of Tampines Mall..
When this 40-something year old plump woman ran up to me...sweating profusely...
Spoke to me in English..
"Please sister. Please!!"
"Can you give me $10!! I need it to feed my father..He's sick at home!!"
"Please!!"

She looked harmless enough..
But she was grabbing me tighly on my left arm..I couldn't get away..
Was half afraid that she would drag me somewhere and whack the living daylights out of me till I gave her some $$...

Then I did what most Singaporeans would do...
I smiled and shunned away..Shook my head a few times..
Said no, I don't think so...

After 2 or 3 head shakes...she got the idea..and moved onto someone else behind me...
Don't know if that person gave her any or not..
But on hindsight...am not sure if I did the right thing...
Guess I'll never know whether she was genuine or not...

lil mozzie shell

I am like a little mosquito today...
Floating around in office doing nothing much..
Flying from cube to cube...buzzing around asking for chats & disturbing others...

Occassionally flying back to my own cube and typing some stuff....
*Buzz Buzz Buzz*

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Just got news of some colleagues leaving...

When will it be my turn??? AHHHH!!!!

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Didn't sleep well last night....In fact, couldn't sleep...
Was tossing till 2-plus...Weird thoughts floating in and outta my head...
Can't remember much of them now...
Though I remember thinking about a possible CNY hamper to make for ahboy's family...
Hmm mm....

Sibei stoned today...
Long way more till 6pm..

Better enjoy these 2 days of freedom when the boss is on leave.....

Hope to go for lunch soon..
Not very hungry...not sure what to munch on..
Hmm mm...sick of this area liao..

nut-shell

The propensity to smile has grown smaller
The elasticity of patience and tolerance has grown smaller

The marginality of pessimism has grown bigger
The probability of confusion and solitude has grown bigger

Another night of dreams

I found myself in a hotel room..quite a spacious area...
Ally, PQ & TH were there too...and I realised..hey, we're on a trip together!
Gosh..but where?
Then I saw the hotel welcome booklet on the dressing table..
"Welcome to Nevada Springs" the booklet said...what the fish?
We're in Nevada??

Unpacked our stuff and headed out for dinner..It was only 5-plus in the evening I remember..the sun was setting..
We were walking around the streets near the hotel..
Met the host of Survivor along the way...can't remember his name..
I remember going up to him to say hi but he just stared at me and walked off..
He was handsome..in an old way haha...

Finally found a stretch of restaurants which looked promising..
They settled on a restaurant..I was just a follower and went in with them...
Restaurant was like our Fish & Co. Except it was called Fish in Nevada.
Never knew I could be so innovative in my dreams...

Anyway, went in and realised the place was chockful of Asian tourists..
And mainly Singaporeans cos they were all speaking in Singlish!
And then voila...I recognised a high-pitched voice...
Natalie was sitting at a table with her SG friends...she was touring the area too...

I remember thinking..Natalie Kwan??
OMG. I've not seen her for like close to 5 years and now I meet her in Nevada???
I went over to say hi to her...and she pointed to another table...
"Marc Ling's over there too!" she said...

I look over and there really is Marc Ling.
Kaozz...another guy whom I've not seen for almost 5 years...

So I pop over to say hi to him too and then when I am walking back to my own table...
I see Glenn sitting at another table with his guy friend...a Hispanic who looked gorgeous.. haha
Went over to say hi to Glenn and he started recommending me all sorts of nice dishes on the menu...

Bizarre...the dream suddenly ended there...

Little Red House

Dinner last night was great...
It could have been fantastic!! If not for the company.. ahha...

Nah, nothing bad about the company...
Just that it was the 1st time I was meeting ahboy's granny..& 4th uncle & auntie...
And um...there were a few times when granny was just staring at me openly...
Kinda unnerving haha...

We were at this place called Little Red House...in the seafood centre area of East Coast Park.
Near the No Signboards & the Jumbos & the Long Beach Seafoods...

Super high-cholesterol dinner...Lemme recap what was on the menu...try to imagine that all were large portions...

1. Fish Hor Fun
2. Seafood Ee-mee
3. Kailan in Oyster Sauce
4. Deep-friend Baby Sotong (super crunchy)
5. Deep-fried You-tiao with Fishcake
6. Steamed Crab
7. Chilli Crab
8. Broiled Toufu with Dried Scallop Sauce
9. Roast Chicken

Nice dinner..
But oh-so-sinful haha....
Woke up with no appetitie for lunch... haha

goodbye, hello

Was driving around town yesterday..
The both of us..
Wondering what to do & where to go..
On the last day of 2006.

Drove past St James..or rather tried to drive past St James to see how's the crowd there...
Did not get anywhere really near it...cos the traffic was kinda heavy..
Lines of vehicles were queueing to get into the area..

And so off we went..To Partyworld at Shenton Way...
Wanted to do a boring lonely 2 pax K-session...
But he didn't seem to keen & anyway, the place was darn full...

And so off we went again...down the ECP..where hordes of peope were standing by the sides of the expressway...
Waiting to see the fireworks...

And then we found ourselves...in East Coast Park..the 2nd time of the night...
Parked in the central area...and then loitered around..
2 lonely souls..with each other for company..feeling lost amogst the crowds...

We walked and walked...
And then we found ouselves at the bowling alley...
But the queue for the lanes was amazing...amazingly loooong..
And so off we went again...

Then voila...we wandered into a small arcade...and parked ourselves there...
Haha...a courting couple...
Amongst the teeny-boppers, the bengs & lians, and some parents minding their little uns.

And so 2007 came by...

Whilst we were clasping machine guns in our hands...
Shooting & blasting at villians & robbers escaping in helicopters...
Screaming & cursing at the bad boys that got away...

Quite symbolic actually...come to think of it.
2007..the year that we will blast our worries away!!
The year that we will blast all villians away!!
The year that we will blast away all obstacles and have a smooth-sailing year ahead!!
MUAHAHAHHA....*evil laughter*

2007

!st day of 2007.

The year that I turn 27.
The year that might see me in a different job.
The year that might see me saving more money cos I might be earning more!! haa...

The year that might see me conversing confidently in French.
The year that might see me being more flexible cos of yoga!!
The year that might see me being a confident bugger on the roads..

The year that I hope to be less wary of new people I get to know.
The year that I hope to judge less.
The year that I hope my heart will be more open.

=========
2006.
The year that...

- I turned 26. Spending my birthday in Taiwan.
- I went out of the country on at leat 5 trips!
- I had my 1st plane trip after 3 years!

- I renewed my relationships with some of my closest friends..
- I tried hard to get somewhere in my job..(but perhaps got nowhere in particular)
- I got drunk & high on a few occassions

- I finished a Malay course
- I embarked on yoga
- I got schooled in ISO auditing techniques?! haa..

- I had a minor op on my throat
- I fell sick too many a time..
- I was running regularly for a few months but stopped cos I got lazy

- I discovered what hypocrisy means
- I discovered the vulnerability of the human soul
- I discovered that I have become a wary, less open person.

- I got an asset to my name..
- I attended at least 8 weddings
- I finally have a better idea where we are hading to

- I got closer to Dasao
- I lost weight
- I am eating more healthily

So much more..
But there will be more to come this year.

finally blogger is accessible..

2 farewell dinners within this week alone..

Thursday was with the duckie gals...our dear whacko Lydia is leaving us for a 2-yr stint in Jakarta....
Teaching the A-level curriculum English to the graduating batch classes of an international school there...

Quite a good package...staying in a condo which is barely 2 yrs old....
A chauffer to fetch her around...aw man...

And then there's Dan...
Steamboat dinner for him at his place tomorrow night...with the rest of the uni gang...
Leaving us in Jan to further his studies in Sydney for about a year...

Sighzz...my close friends...
Do take care whilst there...will definitely miss you guys...

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It's almost the end of 2006...
If 2005 came and went by fast..
Then 2006 zipped by precariously fast...

If 2005 was a year of many ups & downs...
Then 2006 was even more of a rollercoaster ride haha...

Havent been able to do a proper review of the year's activities...
Achieved some goals..partially achieved some...& fell flat on some as well..

Time to reflect? Time to plan for next year?

Tentative theme....
Re-charge, Re-motivate, Re-juvenate, Re-energise

Been in too much of a slowmoving slacker position...
Guess I need some change..
I need some more action..

Is BKK possible in January?
Maybe...Hope so...

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Our 1000th day is arriving...
In less than 2 months time...

boxing day...

I is grumpy.
I is drowsy.
I is cold.
I is sick.

Got up this morning and struggled a bit.
To go to work or not?
Ok, conclusion = NO!!!

Reason #1
I is sick. Throat hurts. Nose blocked. Cough...
Bleah..

Reason #2
Who the fish goes to work in such heavy rain?

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Did some work, including my Performance appraisal..is this considered work too?
Oh well..cut & pasted alot of last year's stuff into the appraisal.

Seriously cannot be bothered to do too much with it. Waste of time.
Does it help to ask the same questions year after year??

What are your career goals?
Describe your strength & areas for improvement.
Rate yourself from 1 to 5 on the following attributes...(and yeah, there's like 31 rating questions altogether...)

Waste of time. Period.

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Not bad. Managed to do some work even though my brain's half fried from the medication.
Flu pill + cough mixture = POWER....
Think I'm on a high now...halloooocinating....
oh wait...halloooseenating....
halloooseenayyyting...
hallucinating...

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Busy week ahead...gatherings..
More food & booze maybe...bringing voddy to Dan's place on Saturday..

========
Hmm mm..hope mama choy, big sis & 2nd sis like the craft pieces I made for them...

Hope papa choy can be patient...din get him anything...nor make anything..for this xmas..
But his expensive pressie will be coming soon..
Akan datang...
Chivas Regal 18 years...coming soon in mid Jan...when Adrian comes back from his Vegas trips...

hiakzz..

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The novice me...lost $30 in MJ yday...
Grrrrrrr.....
TMD...1st time in my life I had a chance to win a full colour....but it all fell to pieces cos the card I threw was what Eugene wanted...I was only waiting for 1 more card leh!!!!!!!!!!!!

oh well..what is mine is mine..what is not..is not bah....

I need other players...peter pan, purple skies, on???
hahaa..

=========
I am
talking nonsense

...
I am....zzzzzzzz

off to
bed........

friday...

As much as I'd like to be an epicurean..
Think I'm more comfortable being in the confines of austerity & simplicity..
Epicurity is reserved for the occassional indulgence to the soul...

Hmm..personal preference or a matter of being brought up this way..I dunno really.
Haha...just came to this conclusion somehow or rather..

I am on leave today..and I have spent my whole day at home.
Weird some might say..but wahey..it's a "take leave to rest" day..
Haha...as a matter of fact, it was thanks to a full bladder that I've just gotten out of bed
Would have slept on llike a log if my bladder did not send warning signals to my convoluted brain.

Adrian asked me. So sis, what did you do today?
Hmm mm...it really is just a short short list..
Had lunch, did some work, read my book, did art & craft, took a 3 hour nap, blog.
Which is where I am now.
So what comes later?

Perhaps to wrap my remaining 2 presents, to read somemore, and oh yah...to munch my dinner..
Bleah...not much of an appetite..

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avoidance.
you're the boss.
so i shan't say much.

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ok, off to cook maggi mee...
been a long time since i had maggi mee..woot woot!

more senseless stuff

Met up with Eddie yesterday for lunch..

My dear buddy..what a sticky, interesting situation you have gotten yourself into..
You ah...sighzz..

Told you my piece..shared with you my concerns..
Shared with you my thoughts..

But ultimately, it's your life and your choices which matters...
All the best & keep me updated... haaa...

========
Dropped note to XiaoDi on friendster and he replied! haha...
Been a long time since I last communicated with him..

Haha, nice to hear from him.... =)

========
I surprised myself this year.
It has been quite awhile since I wrote so many Xmas cards...

Think I only gave out like less than 5 last year?
I wrote out more than 15 this year...

Madness..ahha..

Xmas is still my fav time of the year..but the cosy feeling I get whenever Xmas draws near is diminishing year by year...

Aw man...Is this a sign of aging?
I think so leh....*horrors*

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Should be heading to Cannery next Friday....
Anybody keen?

=======
2 years..cun wait for the keys to arrive...
Haha..=p

senseless stuff...

Now i know why i've been feeling so down and out..
Tired and grouchy..
hahaa...miserable day yesterday..din feel good..
And by the time evening came..I was sprawled on the table while waiting for ahboy to meet me at Hans.

Struggled through dinner..couldn't eat much..
Caught a cab home and then discovered I was running a slight temperature...
Popped 2 panadols, concussed at 930pm and slept like a log through till 7am this morning..

Fever's gone but the sore throat is still there...bleah..
Mind over body...

Think I will be concussing soon again...
Not back to 100% yet...

========
It's gonna be a busy busy 2.5 weeks ahead...with the festive season gatherings, birthdays & a wedding...

========
The anagram's a tough one eh? ahaha...

Gotten some tentative ones from the Lemon...but all dun make sense!!! hahaha...
What the hell is Cheem "n" Gills?
haha...a...

Cherry...help me out!!

========
What do you do when you think one of your bosses is a dick head?
Oh my pardon my lang. But it gets the point across, you have to admit...

But then again, I'm just a small fry getting my monthly pay....
Not worth it to get worked up about stuff....

========
On leave liao loh!! woot woot!
Hmm mm..might be on "MC" next week..hmm mm...

========
Goodbye 9522...
Mazda 3 Carbon Grey is here!!

Virgin trip in the Grey today...not bad..not bad at all...
But guzzles oil like xiao...

edge of a precipice

ouch.

cun believe i spent $60 over 3 occasions.
just buying beads & metal connectors & crystals.

oh well. to feed a new found hobby.
to feed my itchy fingers which need something tangible to do.

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wealth accumulation.
what a term to use.

But it sounds pretty fetching ain't it?

give me a choice and yes, i do want to accumulate wealth too.

the choice has not presented itself to me yet though. or do i need to go out to find it?
passive? proactive? which is me?

=======
it is odd. the forehead seems a little tender and sore.

since yesterday or was it two days ago?

the right side seems more so.

i cannot help but be paranoid. whenever something unusual happens to the head area.
or to anything connected to the head.

=======
it seems odd too.

that a colleague from my team texted me this afternoon.
"get online. i need to talk to you."

shoot. have i done anything wrong? did i offend this person?

and so online i went. with slight trepidation.

and became a partial listening ear to one who needed to vent a little about the job and our boss.

"i will not be here for long. i will quit soon" she said.

wow. so forthright i thought. and we are not even that close.

do i have an honest face or demeanour? why are people telling me such things?
do i seem to be a keeper of secrets? it is hard to remain objective and neutral for long.

but i will try.

=======
oh blimey. i have a slight rash again.

=======
ch is a joy to be with sometimes. neverending bubbliness.
is there such a word?
ever cheerful. once of the few who's able to smile even when she's pissed off.

brother is the other.
come to think of it. sharon too.

am i the only monkey in the company who's a grouchy one?

=======
ugh. rash is irritating me.
i will go bathe again. and loofah my skin off maybe.

need hot water to soothe frazzled nerves.

sit down. be still.

extremely frustrating day.

on way to work. at bus-stop. pants all wet. shoes all wet. bedraggled doll.

at work. what's new?

lunchtime. botak jones. with san, kok, lian. disappointing and unsatisfactory. 4 plates of leftovers.

back to work. nothing new. more irritations.

afternoon. stomach spoil. feel like barfing.

just before going home. fuck still heavy rain. dinner with ahboy is cancelled.

on way home. dumb 16 yr-old teenagers acting as chimpanzees in the train.

reach interchange. brainless people who flick their wet brollies at hapless passers-by.

reach bus stop. extremely long queue. could not get up the 1st bus.

just before home. stepped into a puddle of water. TMD.

reach home. slammed door onto finger.

lonely dinner. with PC as companion.

now. still sitting in front of PC. cold fingers. cold toes. miserable and irritable.

tummy partially satisfied. self-made spaghetti and sausages.

hmph. frown. pout. fucking frustrating day.

December 18th

31 months.
& counting.

*evil laughter*

muaaha....
muahahah..
muahhahaaa....

Another convert to Il Divo...
My brother..=))
Borrowed all their albums from me just now..

=======
When will the day come?
When little Marc Sng actually marches up to me and says: "Ah Gor, play with me!!"
(He does this to his grandad all the time..)

Little brat walked right past me just now..
When I asked him if I could play with him..
Sighzz...
I have lost my charm.

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Am reading a book now..
Called "Midwinter of the Spirit" by Phil Rickman.

Sinister...About exorcism..or "deliverance" as a more diplomatic term to peruse..

Hope I don't think too much and get nightmares like how some of the previous books were... hahha

=======
I actually received a Xmas card from a primary school mate..

Gosh, I am S-U-R-P-R-I-S-E-D....

Do people really send physical greeting cards to friends nowadays?

Wow..

monday..the blues..(and no, am not talking about chelsea)

the rain..just puts a damper on things..

======
the indigo of hurt
the ochre of sadness
the magenta of mystery

To add a new one
The bronze of frustration

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Kok sent me home today..kinda sweet..
Knew I was moody...offered me a ride home..though it was way out of range from his hometown haha..

Steady uncle..

Going Botak Jones tomorrow with him, Ah San & Lian..=)

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Suddenly realised I miss Hammie.. (in the pic)
And Baby..

My 2 little darlings...







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I find myself scary when I get down in the doldrums..
Cos it's seldom that it's so intense...(with the exception of last year when I was on medication..)
And I hate the fact that I feel like crying every moment.

Blast it..

I'm not exaggerating when I say I teared when I watched the Channel 8 drama when Li Nanxing sang a birthday song to Zoe Tay. What was a comical scene turned out to be very touching to me. Aw man....some tears came when I was watching abit of CrimeWatch showing
Huang Na's case.

What shit?
I'm nuts...

Bleah, and I have to bear through with it..for at least a few days till it goes away...
And all goes back to normal again..

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New lady came today..new member to the Mktg team
Cheryl

Let's see...let's see
If she's a friend or ...

my sunday

Gosh. Been huddled over my desk for most part of the day..
Fiddling with my art & craft...
Il Divo playing in the background.
It's weirdly therapeutic..

Brows furrowed over the tiny crystal pieces...
Fingers getting slightly numb..
Neck aching..
Burnt my finger too cos I was trying to seal the ends of a nylon string together with a lighter..

But it feels good, when you've completed a few pieces of it...

A rainy day..took a nap in the afternoon..
Who can resist the lull of the raindrops?

Ended up concussing for slightly more than 2 hours..
Woke up still as grouchy as in the morn. Guess the sleep didn't do much to soothe the soul..

Night time comes.
And still the rain persists..even more so with thunder and lightning..
I cannot quite seem to clear my head of thoughts..

And so I head back to my craft...fingers really kinda numb..
So decided to pop online..and surf aimlessly...

Tomorrow's a working day..Xian.

hopes & fears..wishes & dreams..do you know?

I have learnt not to hope or expect too much.
Cos the more you hope, the harder you fall if you don't get what you wished for..
And that's why sometimes I choose to hide in my own little corner..with my own thoughts, unspoken wishes & fears..

Oh...the pessimistic, paranoid side of me...
Someone, save me from the shackles of it....

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Moping .
On a rainy Sunday.
With Il Divo playing in the background..
Man, the tears have arrived again..been awhile..

raindrops galore

Am on a mini quest, to form an anagram from my name.
Michelle Sng

Quite a number of singular words can be formed..But when I try to use up all letters..
I can't seem to form anything much...

Bleah..opening up to the rest...any takers to the challenge? haha...
Lemon, you are in on this yah. Mr Power-English.
Cherry, you too...=)) Ms Power-English.

==========
Was at Creation yesterday..
Their business is doing good good good...
Hired more staff, more tables, newer menu...
Longer queues..

Wonder if they'll eat up the business next door as well...
Hmm mm...

Did not manage to finish the brownie yesterday though..
Wasted...was too full..

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I have added 2 more converts to the Il Divo club..
muahhaaa..

Mum & Dad...

Got a plesant surprise when she was asking for me to play the "Italian Opera CD"...
haha...

new hobby

hiakzz....back to one of my loves..
art & craft...
bought lotsa swarovski crystals...gonna make keychains & handphone chains....

yay!! fun fun fun!
=))

but tmd...din know such crystals are quite expensive actually...

barf time

I broke the promise i made to myself 3 years ago.

What happened then...
Was with the DK group..company outing to Europa..
Went home and hugged the toilet bowl retching..
Told myself then that I would never do that to myself again.

And I did it again last night.
TMD.
Hugged the same damn bowl and retched in the same darn position.
Sigh..it's a balance..a few hours of happy reprieve and wild abandon..
Followed by some sort of a payback..

So today..is a stomach spoil day...
Bleah..

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St James Power Station...

Think I prefer MOS..

am sad..

am abit sad..
you try...but sometimes trying just aint good enough.
somehow..a friend still chooses to go to another..

am abit sad..
you try..but sometimes trying just ain't good enough.
somehow..the project you are doing, still fails to pull through..

am abit sad..
you try..but sometimes trying just ain't good enough.
somehow..the more you try..the more conscious you become..

am abit sad..
you try..but sometimes..it just ain't happening.

colourisation

the red of passion
the green of hope
the pink of health
the indigo of sadness
the ochre of naturality
the black of nights
the cream of days
the magenta of mystery
the blue of calm
the emerald of peace
the purple of hurt
the yellow of happiness
the cyan of ecstasy
the orange of fun
the sepia of memories
the fuchsia of madness

what was i before you?
a canvas sheet
a tarpaulin
a piece of cloth

you have coloured my life so much
a tapestry of sorts i am now

Morose Recluse

Retreating into my shell
This is happening more and more

Withdraw and hide
Tucked into the confines of your own safe haven
Seems like a comforting place to be in

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Uh-oh..
The slapping feeling is here again.

Stepped into office this morning and I feel like slapping people again.
And of course, I stepped in late as usual. 915 I think.

Yikes. Can I find a place soon who will have me?

people to people

I don't know why.
But I take it very hard & I get very disheartened & sometimes pissed...
When I see how 2-faced some people are, whether they may or may not realise it.

I know this is not a new topic I have written about.
But the fact of the matter is, this is something which always gets me riled up.

Come on.
When she's not around, you bitch about her to others, you talk bad about her & you laugh at her.
Then when she's back, you talk to her, joke with her & ask her for opinions?
Hmm mm..makes me wonder, sometimes out loud, what the fiak?

And some of the remarks you make, seem funny to you only.
Wonder if you noticed?

And to those who wonder...
No, I am not talking about the whore.

========
At times, I'd rather hide out in my own cubicle..
Ad be in my own little private world...
Sure I'd miss out on some gossips or some bonding with others..
But well, if it keeps me out of the hypocrisy of things...why not...

Of fakeness & facades..

Ok, maybe I am not such a PR person.
I cannot be bothered anymore to initiate conversations with people...
More and more, I seldom make the first move & I seldom interact with people unless neccesary.

Man, I sound like a recluse wanna-be.

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Have I mentioned before that I cannot stand squealers?
Oh yes I did I think.

I cannot stand peeps who squeal.
Especially those who squeal over the slightest thing.

Ok, I can stand them when they dun squeal. But when they do.
Please, spare me the agony.

Is there a need to S-Q-U-E-A-L over the littlest of things??
Is there a need to get so over-excited over some trivial thing??
Sheesh........

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Ok, on top of being a recluse wanna-be...

I think I am starting to sound like an uptight spinster liao....

Bleah......!

a few good things & a WHAMMY!

A few good things:

1. Official Zo Bo Day: Got called into an absolutely redundant meeting from 215-545pm..did more MSN-ing and my own work than listen to the meeting.
2. I think it's starting to sink in..am feeling happy about the Monday deal..
3. I got another dress! black one this time..
4. I got my pasta sauce! Tmr will be pasta for dinner!
5. I got a whole box of salad ingredients!
6. 2 more days to Saturday!


And a WHAMMY....

I forgot to buy my unit number...for today's draw....
And the number came out...in starter.........bleah......
@#%$*&)(*)%^*&

Mum & Adrian got it...
$%$&
Adrian offered to help me buy yesterday but I declined somemore, saying that I will settle myself...DUMB!!!!!

On a positive note...hiakzz....nvm lah..at least me & ahboy have brought joy to others lor haha..
And well..this is a good start...our number has struck lottery & in such quick time somemore...
It's a good sign... haha...

money money money

I just emptied a large portion of my savings today.

Grass for my meals in the next few months?
Bleah...

Bonus...pls come quick..18th Dec...2 weeks more only...
I NEED YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Kinda exciting...lotsa turning points in my life over the past 2 years..
Health, relationship...friends...family...

Lots more to come next year too.
Am looking forward to French..a nice way to start the new year...
A nice way to usher in new hopes & dreams...
2007..I'm ready for you man!

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Shit...French just burnt another hole in my pocket...
$335 for 8 lessons. Everything in. Text, course fee, GST, registration fee.
WTF. $40 for each 3 hour lesson??

bleah....

It's a done deal

4th Dec 2006.
It's a done done done deal.

Brother Longan, you might be happy to know that your basketball kaki...
Will be staying in Tampines in the near future...
5 minutes from your place..
Hahahhaa....

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Damn..purse strings must be watched even tighter...

the other me

I stand outside the bubble looking in.
Looking in at the other me inside the bubble.

The other me holds a ciggy.
Puffing away. Puffing away whatever bad thoughts, stresses, unhappiness there might be.
The other me stands alone, leaning against a railing, overlooking a river.
It seemed familiar, the place...esplanade? one fullerton? collyer quay? boat quay? clarke quay?

The other me looks a tad older & wiser.
Signs of whatever has gone on through the years is written on the face, only slightly though.
More weather-beaten but surprisingly, more well-toned & womanly.
The other me wears a smart, well-tailored blue striped shirt and a black skirt ending just above the knees. Covered heels.
The image screams 'Corporate'.

The other me still has long hair.
More layered & dyed a dark brown with a few lighter shades of brown streaked through.

The other me stares out to the river.
It is night-time and she looks a little dreamy and pre-occupied, staring at the lights reflected on the water surface.
The ciggy dies out and the other me throws it into the river below.
She stays there against the railings for a long time. Hugging her arms around herself.

I stand outside the bubble looking in. I think to myself.
What is she thinking about? Why is she there?
Has she taken her dinner? How is her life now?
How old is this other me?
Who/What is in her life now? Why isn't she carrying a bag?
Is she going back to office to do OT?
Or is someone else waiting for her at a dinner table elsewhere?

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Tis a dream I had last night.
A snippet into my future?
Or my over-imaginative mind just fabricating a scene..?