Sunday, August 26, 2012

Osmosis

I was watching Caesar Milan's Dog Whisperer on TV a few nights ago. He spoke of how dogs pick up on your emotions and feelings and state of mind and will act in the same manner. Eg. If you're edgy and nervous when dealing with the dog, it'll get edgy and nervous too. If you're calm and collected, the dog will pick up on your steady vibes and be more calm as well, and hence be easier to handle.

It brought to mind something I was observing from time to time on how kids pick up things from their parents. I'm not talking about the conscious things parents teach their children, more like the unspoken subconscious behaviours, mannerisms and emotions that children sense and pick up from their parents.

My mum's a paranoid person at times. She's edgy and nervous at other times. And I know she definitely passed those onto me. No, she didn't teach me to be that way. Just being with her all through my childhood and formative years was enough to let those emotions and behaviours permeate me.

My sister-in-law's a quieter person. She's calm for most of the time though she's got her neurotic and paranoid times as well. My nephew turned out to be a quieter boy too. He's insightful and calm for most of the time unless he's playing with my parents. (Then he morphs into a crazed child haha.)

Osmosis of emotions and behaviours and mannerisms?

Hmm, when I have a child of my own in the future, I wonder what traits my child will pick up from me and K? I hope only the good ones haha.

Granny

Granny was doing very good yesterday when I went to see her. She was very alert and mighty observant. She talked alot voluntarily. She wasn't grumpy and could make jokes to tease me. Her eyes looked bright and not glazed. She was looking at anything and everything around her.

She even saw that a button on my Dad's shirt was loose and needed more stitching to hold it in place. I didn't even notice it haha.And she finished the big bowl of puree they gave her for lunch yesterday. She finished every spoonful I fed her! :)

Am so so glad and happy that she's back to her normal self after the last month or so of not feeling well.


Thursday, August 23, 2012

哪里可以这样?

How can someone just float his way through work and get away with it? Siam this, siam that. Do a little here, a little there. Talk his way in and out of things. Don't deliver. Create big messes. Put the blame on others.

And YET, still manage to survive for so long in this organisation??!!

I don't understand.

The more I think about it, the more I fume and the more I don't like this person and try not to have anything to do with him.

It's not healthy. Maybe I shouldn't bother too much.
But I guess the unfairness I feel at times gets the better of me.

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Rambling

A project idea was “sold” to the boss and painted in a pretty, rosy, cloudy picture. A picture which hid all the flaws, cracks and inconsistencies of the project. You were roped in at the beginning to help the project proposer do up some initial work to bid for the project. That person skived and you ended up doing the work. The boss knew what was going on and when the project was finally awarded to your company, the boss decided to pass the project on to you. That was 2 years ago.

2 years on. Sure, you learn some things and it builds you up. Hopefully your character, intelligence and acumen builds up as well.

And you’re still stuck with a non-viable screwed-up project. Maximum effort and minimum returns for the company. Brand exposure for the company is good, but not when it dents your bank balance so much. When the project concludes and the funds outflow is more than what was meant to be? Whose head will be on the chopping block? The project manager or the boss? The initial project proposer has long before wiped his hands clean of things. Bollocks.

There’s still slightly more than 6 more months to go. Things are heating up as the project approaches its climax. There are more and more people to answer to. Your bosses. External stakeholders. Vendors who are trying to play with you.

You’re feeling more frustrated now and at a loss. Trapped in a cage. With bright lights shining on you from all sides of the cage. You can’t seem to do anything but just stare blindly into the lights with wide-eyed terror and confusion. Fight or flight? Or freeze?

Fight? Clawing through. No arrow to follow, just scrambling in a wayward direction, hoping it’s for the best.

Yes, hope. That’s all you have now. And your claws, or what’s left of them.

Monday, August 20, 2012

The Is and the Es

I recently attended a one-day course on Communications and Stakeholder Management.

It was a relatively enjoyable course and highly unusual for me because I felt at ease with myself and could present in front of the whole class without much nervousness. My goofy side even managed to show itself on several occassions with some impromptu jokes to the whole class.

The guest lecturer was Dr John Ng who has written several books and gotten them published in Singapore. There was a section when Dr Ng shared with us the differences between introverts and extroverts.

The main difference is how and where the two groups of people draw their energy from. Introverts get their energy from themselves and when they need time to recharge, they need to be with themselves, either at home or perhaps just being by themselves in a cafe outside. Or maybe just with a like-minded friend. Extroverts on the other hand, draw their energy from the environment and from things and people around them. When they need to recharge, they are up, out and about, immersing themselves amongst others and getting their energy from the bustle around them.

In terms of thinking, introverts tend to spend more time thinking and delving into things at a deeper level. They analyse more and reflect more on things. Extroverts on the other hand, do less of all these things. Introverts find it harder to respond on the cuff because they need time to analyse and think through, extroverts don't.

Looking at some other examples he shared with the class, I think as I grow older, I get more introverted. Too much noise, hustle and bustle tire me out fast. A walk in Orchard is tiring too and I can only last an hour plus or two before the noise, people and jumble of things get to me. Most days I prefer just hanging and chilling out at home or in quiet places, either alone, with K or with a small cosy group of friends.

So what are you? An I or an E? :)

Second Childhood

There is this concept of a "second childhood" and the common explanation is that it refers to a phase experienced by the aged who suffer from severe dementia and whose mental faculties and emotional control have been reduced to that akin to a child's.

Looking after granny has given me a new perspective to this term. She can be considered relatively alert and at times even witty for her age. Although I admit she does have her down days when she spouts nonsense. But still to me, technically, her mind's still okay on the whole.

So "second childhood" in her case refers more to her physical state. She wears diapers and most recently, she isn't really able to chew food properly so she now gets pureed food and soup for her meals.She needs help going to the bathroom and she needs lots of support when getting on and off the bed. She moves around these days entirely on wheelchair compared to a few months back when she could still summon some strength to use her walking frame.

Whatever it is, I am very thankful that her mental state of mind is still relatively alright. in fact, quite good for her age. And I am very thankful that although she doesn't want to talk much these days, she still called out my name when I asked her if she knew who I was.

Monday, July 30, 2012

I spy with my little eye

If you're wondering why the sudden outpouring of posts.....it's because I've been wanting to post but I've been too lazy.....and well I'm on medical leave today and I've got some spare time...:)

Woke this morning with part of my left eye being red. Freaked me out. Anything to do with the eyes always makes me queasy and squeamish. The last time something like that happened (earlier in Feb this year actually when I discovered I had a big floater in my right eye), I had a panic attack and got woozy in office.

When I saw that reddish patch on my eyeball, I felt that same woozy feeling again, coupled with palpitations. Damn it, I told myself. Get a grip. I could feel the blood draining from my lips too. Things felt light.

Eventually, I didn't go to work. K, being the dutiful husband, accompanied me to the doc before he went to work later than usual.

And so...apparently, a small blood vessel in the membrane covering the eyeball had burst sometime during the night, hence the reddish patch on my eye. The doc said it was something common. And I asked him if he was sure because nothing like that had ever happened to me, nor my family members, nor my friends in all my 32 years of life.

Sigh, the doc said it'll take about a week or two to clear up on its own. FML.
No contact lenses till it heals. Ok back to my nerdy self.

Looking on the bright side, HENG it only happened after the wedding. 



The Aftermath

You know the (almost) sudden screech to a halt when things have been going at a maddening pace? That's what it felt like to me after the wedding was over. Lol.

The sudden quieting down of things. The realisation that hey, the event's over. (so fast??)

Well, not to say that there are totally no more things to do. Just that things are not that pressing, there are no more hard deadlines on the personal front. And we are settling down together.

I am settling down too. Into the new place. Shifting was a drag. But I think most of the work has been done on that front and I am glad. Event my mint, basil and fittonia terrarium has been shifted over.I hope my parents don't feel too lonely. Or maybe they are glad to be rid of me lol. To quote my Dad: "Oh now that Michelle's out of here, we can buy durians already!!"   -_-'' 

Onward into the future we go! Building each step and crafting our world together!


Some pics

Lol, I've not had the chance to consolidate photos from various sources. So here are just soem pics uploaded from my phone. :)

There's the dragon candles hidden in the box. The candle holders are at the back. And yes that's the teapot set which was used by my parents during their traditional wedding ceremony back in 1973. My brother used it as well for his wedding back in 2001. And now it's my turn to use it! :D 
And to the right is the bowl and soon set used for our eating of mee sua when I come back to my own house for the tea ceremony.

The night before the actual day. Bright, red and cheery "shuang xi" slippers!
Coupled with pink satin PJs which my mum insisted on buying for me. Couldn't worm my way out ofit and so I had to wear them the night before....

The bridal bouquet. Ignore the paper ID tag please. 
We're known as couple 5604 to the bridal studio. zzzz

Voila. Me waiting for the gatecrashing activities to end. Am grateful for a bunch of super innovative "jiemeis" who connected with me via skype so that I could view all the gatecrashing activities. Lol.
p/s: I love my yellow room!

I didn't have a picture of me in my kwa on my phone. Anyway, I changed out of it and into this lovely magenta dress when I had to leave home and head to the hotel. checked in, did some camwhoring shots, showered and then crashed into bed. 

I loved the hairstyle the make-up artist did for me in the morning. And I love the hair accessory to bits too! 
It took me 15mins to get the hair accessory and all 30 black bobby pins out of my hair for this hairstyle. And another 15-20mins of shampooing and conditioning to wash all the hairspray off. Looks like a simple style but oh so much spray and pins and effort went into it!! Much prefer this hairstyle compared to the first style she did for me for the evening.

Make-up artist doing her magic. Transformed me from blah to fwah. :) Thank you Candy!

Saturday, July 21, 2012

不晓得

有时候真的不知道自己要把东西弄得那么仔细和organised来干吗?

是我个人的作风,我个人的性格,我个人的怪癖还是是我对自己和对别人的要求过高? 还是这是职业病?

不晓得。Maybe it's abit of everything.

话说回来,有时身边的人不理会你的好意或忽略了你的effort, 那又怎样?是自己心甘情愿的去做,就不应该要求什么。

不晓得。

嗨,算了,去睡个觉, 明天又是新的一天。

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

.........

And so the numbers keep decreasing again.

Aunt's unwell, had a transient stroke. She won't be there both in the morning and the evening. I won't be able to serve tea to her.

A colleague's gran just passed on. He won't be able to make it for the dinner already.

Some who matter to me won't be able to make it for the morning activities.

And the most recent news of all....Granny's not doing well these 2-3 days. She refuses to eat. And she's relieving herself on the bed for all matters big or small. She's not talking much, she's not calling the nurses. While she can still recognise people, she's lethargic and only wants to sleep. She has not eaten much in 3 days.

There was family talk. Of not bringing her back for the morning tea ceremony at all. And there was even talk of...what if she passes on before Sunday arrives and what if we bring her back on Sunday and she passes on at home.....

Wah lan. WTF.

Seriously. WTF.

I did not want to part of that conversation. I left and went back to my room. I was upset and feeling angry.

It's supposed to be a happy time. Why do I have tears in my eyes?

Perennial Weaknesses

These stores never fail to make me part with my money! In no order of merit:

1. Daiso : oh love love love!
2. Cold Storage *beams*
3. Old Chang Kee
4. Watsons
5. H&M
6. Muji

Oh and I can't resist nice pretty notebooks too!

Monday, July 16, 2012

Work

I value discretion and diplomacy, especially in a work environment. Unfortunately, not many people are like that. Sigh.

Sunday, July 15, 2012

Cool calm zen

If you ask me, I'd say that love is between two people, marriage is between two families and a wedding's between everybody and anybody else in between.

Myriad versions of "you should" and "it should be done this way" and "you shouldn't do it" has been thrown at us from various angles.

While I definitely appreciate feedback and advice, I also appreciate them dished out in a more diplomatic, as opposed to autocratic, manner.

Oh right, I don't even know why we can't use the bedlinen that we had bought. We spent many afternoons looking for it and now it's been rejected for some reason. Hmm.

Don't sweat the small stuff. Don't fret, some might say.

Right.

Ohm.

Ohm.

Ohm.

Monday, July 09, 2012

staff work woes

写了说我罗嗦, 不写又说我不够详细

到底要我怎样呢?

有事情通知了说我太紧张, 不跟你讲又说我没把你放在眼里

到底要我怎样呢?

嗨, 员工之苦。。。

Tuesday, July 03, 2012

Skype Dad Skype!

I set up a Skype account for my dad over the last few days. And taught him how to use it yesterday evening. :)

All because my parents’ good friends are stuck in Vancouver for 2 months (to help their son look after his kids while his helper is back home in the Philippines to get married) and both couples miss each other quite abit. Right now they are only emailing each other and so when Auntie Mimi and Uncle Robert suggested that they Skype one of these days, my dad came to ask me how to do it.

Think I'll do another run through with him again this evening so he remembers how to do it.

I think it’s great that they are trying to keep pace with technology. Especially my dad. The only thing that I’m not teaching him is how to get onto Facebook lol.

Effort

Sometimes, when you’ve been around someone for too long, you reach a phase of familiarity where either party takes the other for granted, or both take each other for granted.

It happens all the time with family, between friends, with spouses and other loved ones. I am guilty of it, no doubt about it, and I’m sure many others are too.

I guess, it takes a conscious effort to remind yourself to be mindful of the other party’s feelings. I don’t think I’ve done well at this but I’ll keep trying. And of course, I’ll need to temper my impatience as well...

Monday, July 02, 2012

??!!??!!

There was a tense discussion at my desk over a paper my colleague and I submitted. And then the boss sort of threw the paper on my desk.

I was fuming inside. As a last response, I said…

FINE. YA. Ya, Ya, I’ll change it LOR!”

Is that the best I can muster?? -_-

Sigh. When your boss is in a foul mood, it sucks when you’re in his radar.

Friday, June 29, 2012

Jason Mraz!!

When I told K yesterday that it was strange that I wasn't really feeling excited about the concert tonight, he said "oh, it'll come..."

And he's right.

The excitement IS building!! I've been listening to J Mraz's songs the whole of today and am counting down to 5:30 when I get off work! Woot! hahaha....

Boo-boos

The amazing amount of careless mistakes I am making these days is appalling. I don’t know if I am being complacent or it’s a result of too much multi-tasking.
I can’t believe I sent a contract to my Malaysian partner with 13 pages missing from it.
And I sent out another contract that day to a local partner with someone else's company name on it
I missed sending a letter of notification out to someone else as well.

Sigh. WTF is happening.

Here I am correcting my staff's careless mistakes and there I am making these mindless blunders of my own. These mistakes SHOULD NOT happen at all.

My bar is set high. And I just failed myself miserably....Sigh. 

I used to pride myself with my meticulousness....I think I need to pull up my pants a whole lot higher to be able to tell myself that again.

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

I see shadows

From time to time, I scare myself because I think a fly or an insect is flying right in front of me. Or I think a cockroach just scuttled over the floor. Or I think a bug is in a corner of the room. 

I see a dark spot here, or a shadowy small spectre there.

And then I realise, it's that dumb big piece of floater in my eye. Coupled with a few small ones.

Sigh.

I look a little silly sometimes because people and passers-by around me see that I duck at nothing or wave my hands in front my face for nothing or "siam" for nothing. 

Friday, June 22, 2012

:(

Great, now I can't go for another business trip. This time it's to Tokyo.
UGGGGHHHHH.

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

That issue

The contractual matter has been settled today. Finally. I am glad but why don't I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders? Hmm. In fact, there's a niggling feeling about the days going forward. The days of event preparation.

May the Lord help us put forth this event in the smoothest, most impressive and most cost effective way possible!!

Mr Mint

And this here is Mr Mint. From a teeny cutting about 15cm tall back in Nov 2011, he has grown to almost 10 times that height and now stands at about 130cm tall. New shoots are still growing everyday from each leaf node too. It's quite a joy watching him grow from week to week. (I know, I sound like I'm talking about my son.)

It's a hardy plant and has weathered many occasions of neglect from me (and haphazard care from my mum, the surrogate carer on days that I am away) with nary a withered leaf or a droopy stem. It never seems to be too thirsty, I can give it little water and still it survives. It never seems to reject too much water too, I can pour water till it starts flowing out for the bottom the pot and still it stands tall. I wonder how the root system is though. But it's beneath the soil so I don't think I can find out.

I have a confession. I nearly lopped off the top 30-40cm of Mr Mint yesterday. I'd intended to trim that portion off and transplant the cutting to another pot because it was getting too tall and wobbly. Even with support bamboo poles by the side, Mr Mint is in a really wobbly state. My trimming scissors was actually already positioned at a stem node and I was ready to snip.

But I somehow couldn't do it. So drama I know.

You can roll your eyes but it's the first time ever that I've taken care of a plant that has grown up so tall and so beautifully! Lol. I got sentimental about things and called a family conference. My Dad said not to cut. Ah. The patriarch had spoken. The scissors was banished back to its hiding place in the drawer.

And so Mr Mint still stands tall at 130cm (and counting) today. :)


Mr Basil

2 strong shoots are towering over the rest of the them. In a bid to encourage lateral and not vertical growth so that there's denser foliage, I decided to trim off the top 1/3 of the weaker of the two stems and transplant the cutting back into the pot. Before I could pot it, I had to remove some leaves from it first...

And voila, here they are. Some little ones and the rest are huge leaves. Yep, that's how big some of the leaves of my basil plant are. I crushed those leaves and spent the night smelling them haha.

The pot attracts some ants from time to time as well. Wonder if it's because of the herb fragrance.

Friday, June 15, 2012

trips

Will be missing 3 work trips this year....:(
  1. Costa Rica
  2. Prague
  3. Brunei
But am looking forward to the following:
  1. Personal trip to Bali in August!
  2. Work trip to Toronto in October!
  3. Work trip to Brunei in November!

Thursday, June 14, 2012

为什么这件事还不能解决?

For every day that this contractual matter drags on, I feel more and more frustrated and more and more constipated.

I really hope to see this conclude asap but why are we faced with an obstacle at every single turn and with every single step? Everytime I think the episode can be concluded, something else pops up.

Swarmed with things. Nearly lost my cool just now. My boss could tell I was frowning like an angry cow when he came to talk to me.

Why is every year's May and June so hectic? Sigh.

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Random

I think I actually have quite a number of tops and some dresses which can double up as maternity wear. Hmm...lol. Mentioned to K the other day and he rolled his eyes.

Brainy stuff

Was at the derm doc appointment this morning. He wondered aloud if he should put me on some mild medication and also wondered if I would have any side effects. So I casually mentioned to him (a new doc I've never seen before) that I've a long medical history.

He: *leafs through my med file*
He: oh you had an aneurysm!!! Wah!
Me: ya, a cavernoma as well.
He: in the brain??!!
Me: err ya.
He: Wah!! But but. You look so normal!! The surgeons did a good job of clipping the aneurysm and sewing you up!!
Me: errr....??!!

Wonder what that comment of his meant man....

*whimper*

I can't remember when was the last time, if ever, that I felt so stretched. 4 policy papers by mid next week for a consultancy project to another country. Not just any policy paper touching on some small project, but papers recommending frameworks and policy structures impacting a part of that country's Internet arena.

Plus all the event things
Plus the contractual issue which has not been settled
Plus board minutes which have not been written
Plus 2 reseller transfer cases
Plus 3 resellers waiting to be accredited
Plus site visits next week
Plus a stupid work dinner meeting on Sunday
Plus ......

Oh yes
Plus wedding

*pulls hair*

Monday, June 11, 2012

Yummy Munchies

I guess I really do enjoy cooking. And I've a better affinity with savory foods than with the sweet stuff haha. I'm not that good a cook yet, compared to all the other female Cantonese and Peranakan food maestros from both sides of my family. Hope I can hone my skills over time and pick up more Peranakan recipes too!

In the meantime...Sat's attempt at using Ally's Happycall pan to cook butter herb chicken was a success! Coupled with her butter raisin rice and wild rocket salad, it was a lovely lovely meal!! :) Think I shall replicate the whole meal next time again :p

Thursday, June 07, 2012

Of ducks and....ugh.

I left DUCKtours 8 LONG years ago. In fact, almost 8.5 years ago. That's close to a decade.

I find it only very slightly amusing that some people still associate me with that company. One senior from hostel who has not contacted me for at least 5-6 years suddenly called me up out of the blue.

Just to ask me how much is the ride, what is the best time of the day to go for it, and what are the peak hours of the ride. Because "I want to bring my son there".

?????!!!!!!!!!!

Like hello?!! zzzzzzzzzzzz. The company has a hotline. Couldn't you have called the hotline? They'd be the best person to advise you right?

The call lasted less than a minute. There were no pleasantries. It felt like a business call. Hello, what is this, what is that? Ok, thanks, bye. We've not spoken in years, the least you could do was to ask how are things?

Wednesday, June 06, 2012

7 July's a really good date

7 July is an auspicious day. We were supposed to have the wedding on that day but could not manage to find a suitable hotel venue. So 7 July became our Guo Da Li day instead.

Turned out that my cousin picked 7 July for his wedding day and he managed to get a venue. We've been waiting for each other to get married for a long time and then now we can't attend each other's wedding. :( Because of the Chinese pantang thing of "2 happy occasions" cannot clash.

A long time friend, Patrick, called me 2 days ago. We don't keep in tiuch very regularly, only once in a blue moon but we're good with each other. Chiewz and I have been waiting for him to get hitched for the longest time and then voila, he had to also pick 7 July for his wedding date too. So now I can't attend his wedding too :((((

*wails*

Monday, June 04, 2012

YAY!

真的感谢YL。上个星期五她跟我说她会跟新公司谈一谈, 看她能不能够迟一点才飞去香港受训。 她真的做到了! 公司让她在23July才飞, 原本是16July的。

Feeling really grateful. Hope she doesn't feel too tired out though for she'll be busy almost the whole day on 22 July and then she's to fly in the early morning of 23 July. Feeling a little paiseh now too though.

Friday, June 01, 2012

嗨。。。

我是不是真的该去冲花水?刚接到消息, 其中一个姐妹(for the wedding)有可能不能当我的姐妹了。 她刚换了新工作, 公司想派她到香港受训三个星期。我的婚礼也刚好在这三个星期内。

原本就少了两个姐妹, 如果现在又少了多一个, 我觉得我会挺失望的。而且, 这个姐妹也刚好是我的司仪。。。

sigh. things don't seem very straightforward and easy this year.

为什么呢? 我以为猴子和龙在生肖里是好朋友, 今年对我来说应该是好的一年才对啊。 为什么有那么多这些大小起伏?

Thursday, May 31, 2012

Mini garden


It's been awhile since I spoke of my plants.

As you can see from the picture, the pot of Bowles' Mint is thriving. After the initial 1-2 months of stabilisation after transplanting in end 2011, the plant has flourished. Many new shoots have appeared from the main stem and the main plant itself is growing taller and taller. When I last measured it a few weeks ago, it was only at my waist. When I measured it last night, I realised it's at my chest height already! It's getting quite wobbly as well because of its height. The support sticks I placed in the pot are no longer sufficient and I have half a mind to lop off the top 20-30cm of the plant and transplant it into a new pot. Perhaps I'll do it this weekend if I manage to find some time.

The rest of the plants are doing fine. The Basil was doing alright and had new shoots coming out as well. But it has suddenly been dropping leaves in the last week or so and I don't know why. The Bryophyllum's starting to have little new leaves growing out from the edge of some of the existing leaves! Yay finally! The Ficus Ginseng Bonsai is stable too.

The only one problem I had was with one of the terrariums which somehow became infested with ants. It was an open-air terrarium and the little red creatures burrowed through the soil all the way down into the deepest end of the pot. I could see them forming tunnels underneath the surface of the soil and running along the tunnels because the whole pot was made of transparent glass.

That was the first terrarium I had ever created back in 2009. It was a maddening time and I spent a whole week trying to save the pot. Each time I thought I had gotten rid of the ants, each time they came back in full force. And when they started chewing through the bottom-most leaves of the red and green fittonias I had in that pot, it was the final straw for me. I dismantled the entire pot after work one night. And spent the next few hours re-building a new one. I remember only sleeping in the wee hours of the morning that night.

It has been almost 2 weeks since the new terrarium was set-up and the plants have still not settled down. They are still a little limp but what is heartening is that I can see through the walls of the pot that some roots have started growing again. I hope the plants anchor down more fimly and stabilise themselves soon.

In the meantime, my mum has been spraying insecticide in the balcony (where my plants are) on an alternate-day basis. Ants have almost disappeared except for the occassional 2 or 3 running around.

Wonder if I should try growing coriander again since my last 2 attempts have failed....hmm.

Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Family

Dad, Mum, Adrian and Marc went to Universal Studios today and popped by Vivocity for dinner thereafter. Mei didn't join them at USS but met up with them at Vivocity in the evening. Dad called me at 6pm and asked if I was able to join them. I declined and shared with him that I still had some things to do in the office. He said ok and hung up.

I continued typing for a minute or two but my heart started feeling a little heavy. I wondered why I still bothered to continue working while my family was just 2 MRT stops away and about to have dinner. One of the things I told myself since awhile back was that I would try to make time for my family and loved ones. So what was I doing? I was giving work (which wasn't very urgent anyway) higher priority?

Psssshhhhawwww. That did not sound right at all.

And so, in that instant, it felt like as if I had an epiphany. I decided to drop whatever I was doing and join them instead.  Afterall, work can never be "finished". Those tasks on my plate were plenty but none were excruciatingly urgent. They could wait till tomorrow. No one would perish because I put the work off till the next day.

And so I half-walked, half-ran to the train station and managed to reach the restaurant 5 minutes before the first dish was served. (I've always maintained that my timing is impeccable haha.)

Anyway. I am glad I joined them for dinner.

Nothing beats family.

RANT.

If you cannot accept feedback which was nicely said to you. Then jolly well f*ck off. Don't come asserting your authority just because you are 2 grades higher than I am. We all report to the same boss, I don't report to you. REMEMBER THAT.

一大清早就让我的血压增高。 真是的。

Tuesday, May 29, 2012

勇往直前!

The mind is active. But the body is a little tired and a littl eunder the weather as well. Haha.
It's a case of mind over body again.

p/s: May that sore reddish spot on my nose disappear before a pimple shows up.

Thursday, May 24, 2012

Leaving Office

Mapletree Business City at night. Quite nice actually.

View from Office Window

One of the few times I take a breather and stare out of the office window. I should do this more often.

The photo doesn't do the actual scene much justice but the sea is absolutely gorgeous today. A perfect shade of blue-green with many ships dotting the horizon. The way the sunrays fall on the surface of the sea, the way the whiter-than-white clouds float in the sky and the way some gulls and herons fly by from time to time all make me want to fly away to a beach somewhere, kick my shoes off and just bask in the sun. With nary a worry in the world.

Feet

Bunions, callouses, obvious veins and knobbly toes don't make for pretty feet. I am still very grateful to my feet though. For they have carried me long and far for the last 30-odd years. And hopefully for the next 30, 40 or 50-odd years as well. :)

I really don't need this right now

NOTHING is going right in this bloody project. First time in my life I called a tender and it has to screw up so badly. It's not even a $1million tender although it's still a large sum at $800K. I am facing a situation where I might lose my venue for the event next year. I need to answer to my Board. I need to answer to the two overseas organisations involved in the event.

Really. WTF? What the hell is going on?

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

加油!

进几个星期的情绪处理的不是很好。时好时坏,偶尔又神经兮兮的,偶尔又想哭。有时觉得压力大,有时觉得东西太多了,不知从何开始, 只想靠一边, 什么都不做。

真的是有点累,不过我还是尽量保持笑容!其实这也是多亏K给我的鼓励和支持啦。希望来临的几个星期和几个月会更好!

美金,你要加油哦!*fighting!*


Ps: 短短几句华文字就花了我整20分钟来type!

The Serenity Prayer

God grant me the serenity

to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.

--Reinhold Niebuhr




Monday, May 21, 2012

Note to Self

1. When applying lotion on your body, make sure everything is fully spread over and absorbed by your skin before leaving the house. Do not leave the house with globs of creamy ivory-colored stuff running down your thighs and calves. It leaves the imagination of others in overdrive.

2. Remember to suck your tummy in when taking photos, especially when you are standing in an oblique angle. There should only be two visible bumps, the boob bump and the bum bump. Nothing else. (unless you are pregnant of course)

3. When having a buffet meal, remember not to gorge yourself till past 9pm. It leaves you bloated and uncomfortable the next day. And, it leaves you with an expanded girth the next day as well.

4. "When in doubt, just buy" Try not to apply this piece of advice too often.

Saturday, May 19, 2012

Saturday

Another Saturday of tasks and schedules. Glad that I managed to get some things done today. It always feels good to check off some things on the to-do list. There's still Sunday and Monday to get more things done and to have some me-time and rest-time as well. Been quite awhile since I had some good rest.

Here I am, sitting in K's room. Half-working and half-blogging. Listening to music and sipping a glass of moscato as well. My favourite Brown Brothers - Orange Muscat & Flora flavour. He's surfing the Net.

I like this. Peace and quiet, slow and steady. Just me and him. Each of us doing our own thing but knowing that the other is just inches away. No words spoken. Just a comfortable quiet.

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Does busy-ness attract more busy-ness?

Mad day rushing different things here and there. Was in a 3hr discussion as well during which 3 different groups of people were looking for me via text, call and whatsapp.

Feeling a little zapped. Now rushing to see Granny before heading home. It'll be a late dinner for me again today. Hope I maintain my weight!!

------------------
Update 8:30pm

Not that good a day.
Rushed to see granny and was caught in 2 separate jams. By the time I got to CGH, she was already dozing off. Spoke to her for a mere 3-4 sentences and she's now sound asleep. I can only pat her now and watch her fall into a deeper sleep.

Good morning!

Cheery happy colors greet me every weekday morning as I wait for my private bus to come pick me up for work.

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Sleepy Shell

Cab rides, an unwell tummy, late dinners and late nights seem to be the norm these days. Coupled with visits to CGH to see Granny, tasks to accomplish and chores to do.

Which reminds me. There's still a pile of 3-4 accumulated pieces of clothing which need to be handwashed! Eeeek!

Monday, May 14, 2012

Le Weekend

It was a busy and tiring one, but quite fulfilling because we managed to get a lot of things done.

Visited Granny. Spent the entire Sunday afternoon buying furniture. Met with videographer. Collected the cards. Bought our bedspread.

The coming weekend will be another busy one...as is the work week ahead. Jiayou to K and self!

Friday, May 11, 2012

Lots of Granny posts these days. She's getting alot of airtime!

Went to see her again last night and was very happy to see that she was in good spirits, in spite of the physical ailments plaguing her.

She was sitting up and was considerably less "stoned" compared to Tuesday and Wednesday. She was smiling and laughing and chuckling at her own jokes. She was talking loudly and disturbing everyone in the room lol. She initiated conversations and was talkative, although all she did was to repeat the same few sentences tens of times. "Have you eaten?" "Why haven't you eaten?" "You came straight from work?" "Are you cold?" "Is that why you are wearing a jacket?" You want to drink water?"

I took it as a good sign. At least her mind is doing good.

On the physical aspects, aside from the cuts and bruise from the fall, the doctors ran more tests and scans and Xrays and now the list seems to be getting longer?
  • Slight hairline fracture in the right hip. Leaving it alone for now since she is not complaining of any pain. She already has an existing metal plate in her left hip in a surgery done a few years back.
  • Intestines and kidneys are weak.
  • Cyst detected near one of her ovaries. Further scans may be needed. This is suspected to have been giving her some pain and discomfort. BUT, an invasive surgery at her age is not possible and highly not recommended. To be monitored and further assessed by the doctors.
  • Bad cough originating deep in her chest. Phlegm building up quite quickly. Docs administered liquid medication through a drip for her. Hopefully it helps to clear the cough and phlegm up quickly.
  • Itchy dry skin. With patches of flaky skin here and there.
  • Some sores on her bum due to her scratching and also due to insufficient blood circulation maybe.
I hope she gets well soon and gets discharged soon......

Thursday, May 10, 2012

........

Quite amazing. How some people can solicit information from you beneath your own nose and at the same time deftly withhold their information from you.

Some new age skill?

More on English

A senior manager from another department just corrected my English. She changed my "iterate" to "reiterate".

Sigh.

For the record, to "iterate" means to do or say something again. To "reiterate" means to re-repeat something. It is sufficient to use the word "iterate" to convey the idea of repetition.

*stressed*

Never in my life have I been so nervous and fidgety about sending out an email.
Not until this morning. Not until 5minutes ago.

It was a long one-page email sent to rebutt and refute some strongly worded emails sent to us by overseas people on a joint event we are working on. It was an email sent to defend and justify our position and decisions made. I hope this doesn't cause things to boil even more and bubble over! As it is, there are too many cooks stirring the pot already...

Ti Gong Boh Pi. I really hope that things will simmer down after this email. If not...sigh....there'll be more stress and pimples for me.

*clasps hands together to pray*
*fingers crossed*

Tuesday, May 08, 2012

Granny

Went to visit her earlier on. She could recognise me when I asked her who I was. :)

She's supposed to go for a CT scan. They need to inject her with contrast and there's a certain amount of risk here. Her kidneys are weak and if her body can't expel the contrast fluids out on its own after the procedure, she may get renal failure.

And then she's having a bad cough. With heavy phlegm developing.

And then her itchy hands went to pull out the stitches which were holding her wound closed. Seriously don't understand how she did it. Wouldn't it have been extremely painful?? They replaced the stitches with tape and gauze instead.

And then she went to peel away one edge of the gauze. She was duly scolded by my dad and hopefully now understands that she shouldn't be doing it.

And then she's got a big reddish bruise next to and around her left eye.

And then her intestines are weak too.

And then...

And then..

Sigh.

Blew her a flying kiss when I left her bedside. She didn't return it today. She shooed my dad and I away instead.

At times like this, I'm glad I always have a rosary in my bag. It's comforting.

BIG BIG Note to Self

STOP buying random clothes online from stores carrying Korean fashion pieces.

1. You don't look like any of the models parading the clothes.
2. The clothes don't turn out right 95% of the time. Whether in terms of size, colour or material.
3. You don't know what to do with the junk pieces.
4. You upset yourself by thinking how you could have saved the money.
5. You upset yourself even more when you think of how you could have used the money for a nice meal with K.

*****************
何必呢?? I ask myself. It's a vicious cycle. 1 year later I'll probably write another post like this again. Sigh.

Granny

Any calls received from the nursing home is never a good one. Dad received a call from them at 10pm last night and had to rush to the A&E soon after.

Granny had fallen down and also had a gash to her forhead near her left brow. They had to clean her up and suture her wound. Good thing was that they did not find anything else wrong with her when they did checks on her at the hospital. Only thing was that her red blood cell count had dropped a little and they kept her for a night  in the hopspital to monitor her.



There wasn't any available bed last night and she could only be kept at the A&E's observation ward. Hopefully she gets to be in a proper ward by noon today. Or even better still, hopefully she gets the all-clear to be discharged directly from A&E.


The story is that she apparently tried to get to the washroom on her own last night, using her walking frame. She barely left her bed when she fell. The nurses, or so they said, tried to rush to her when they noticed that she had gotten up on her own but by the time they got to her, they were too late. She had already slipped and fell.

I have my doubts. Her bed railing is always secured in a way that she cannot release it on her own. This is to force her to ask for help from the nurses and to prevent her from moving about on her own. Why was she able to wake up last night and get up on her own and use the walking frame on her own?

Told my dad and aunt to get a proper explanation from the nursing home by today.

Meanwhile, I'm just waiting for updates.

Expectations

Is it bad of me to half expect an acknowledgement after I say "thank you" to someone? Is it bad of me to half expect an acknowledgement or a "thank you" when I hold the lift or door open for someone? K shared with me once that I shouldn't expect anything in return, since I did it on my own accord.

Perhaps he's right and I have not yet learnt not to expect things in return.

I watched an episode of a local Chinese TV drama a few weeks back. The pastor in the show said something to this effect: “最重要的是你在做你觉的是对的事。最重要的是你做得开心。别人的事, 就不用去管了。他没表示谢意, 没表示感激, 那是他的事, 就别去管了。这样你自己也开心多了!”

My Mandarin is bad, I hope I got the right Chinese characters to convey the message of the pastor.
Loosely translated in English, it means that the most important thing is that you are doing what you think is right and that you are happy doing it. It does not matter what others do. Even if they don't express thanks and gratitude, that is their business and you do not need to bother about it. This way, you'll be a happier person!

Note to self: High time I learn not to have such expectations.

Monday, May 07, 2012

婆婆

A conversation I had with Granny on Saturday morning when I went to visit her.

Gran: Eh?? Why are you here?? Where did you come from??
Me: Huh? I came from home lor.
Gran: How did you know that I'm staying here??
Me: ?? I come and visit you every week one leh. -_-" *sigh*
Gran: Oh...is it? Ok...

I've been visiting her there every Saturday since July 2007, save for the times when I am travelling or when I really cannot make it. I know she doesn't mean it but it still kinda stings a little when she does or says things like that.

Oh well, at least she can still recognize me :)

Ugh

I get irked when people who don't know better correct my written English.

For the record and contrary to what many people mistakenly believe, the phrase is written as "with regard to".

THERE IS NO "S" FOR THE WORD "REGARD".

So stop correcting my English!! Stop adding "s" to my "regard"!!

老娘is very annoyed!!

Woot Woot!

It's that time of the year again. Just before I left office, my boss handed me the letter which contained information on our corporate bonus, individual performance bonus, market adjustment and performance rating.

Suffice to say, I'm a happy woman. :D

Sunday, May 06, 2012

Sleep? Not Yet...

It's 12:15am.

The mum's sleeping soundly in the next room. The dad's watching the FA Cup final between Liverpool and Chelsea. No points for guessing which team we are rooting for. You'll Never Walk Alone. I say "we" because by association, I am a Liverpool supporter as well.

Just finished some chores and an impromptu spot of gardening. Because the pot of basil needed some urgent topping up of soil and the pot of Bowle's Mint needed urgent support from a second stick. It's growing up beautifully and is about 80cm tall already. Hence the need for a second stick to support its height. I had a mini battle with some ants as well.

I should be sleeping but I think I'll try to settle some more things first before hitting the sack. My room needs some tidying up. I need to clear some of the clutter else it starts cluttering my mind as well.

Saturday, May 05, 2012

Deliriously Happy?

Lol, I popped by Ally's place this afternoon again. Happy was out of her enclosed area and was running around in the living room. She was so hyper and went ballistic when I arrived at the door. She started barking and jumping on me and also grabbed a ball in her mouth to try to get me to play with her haha. I happened to be in shorts today.....Look at the scratches she gave me!!

Wednesday, May 02, 2012

Fingers crossed

The event project really doesn't seem to be doing well at this point in time. From getting "played out" by a venue provider who screwed up our initial plans....to getting negative feedback from some of the overseas folks overseeing the organisation of the event....to the high costs of holding the event in Singapore.....to a fellow goverment agency not seeming to be forthcoming with its funding scheme which we are applying for........

I hope I can stay strong for this project for the next 10months. And my event manager (whom I hired specially for this project) had better not throw any "stunt" on me......

I hope everything works out okay.......

FYP mate!

Eddie's back in town for a week. Had dinner with him earlier this evening and had a good time catching up with him. I hope things pan out well for him in Chengdu. Am proud of him for taking the plunge into this make-or-break venture. All the best dear pal!

On a separate note, I hope he can make it for the July dinner. As it is, quite a number of people won't be attending already....

Tuesday, May 01, 2012

Rest in Peace Lok Gu Dai

Just attended the wake of a relative earlier tonight. She passed on at the grand age of 91. I still remember the last time I saw her was during Chinese New Year in January. She was wobbling around, taking miniscule steps and being generally happy with the festivities.

In the last couple of years, I've attended a few such wakes of old relatives. I'd thought that I'd be used to it by now. But it seems otherwise. The melancholy I feel after attending each wake is still there.

In fact, it seems to have increased. Probably because it has dawned on me that my own parents are getting on in years. My dad is 70 this year and my mum's 62.

And my grandmother's 96.

Sigh. The years pass by so quickly. Everyone's growing older so quickly.

Sunday, April 29, 2012

Granny

I love my granny. And I love this picture of her and me taken when I was 5months old. Although it's an oblique angle of her, you can still subtly sense her joy at that moment in time.

Saturday, April 28, 2012

Slowly but surely

The rooms are taking shape. Piece by piece. Bit by bit. Week after week. A new coat of paint a few weeks ago. New waterproofing. New varnish for the parquet. Wardrobes and bedframe last week. New lights soon. New mattress soon. TV console soon...Settee, shelves and desks soon too....

Voila, bientot, notre petite d'espace sera prêt. :)

May our pockets stay strong enough and hang in there! Lol...

Battleship

I'm glad we made that impromptu, spontaneous, spur-of-the-moment decision to catch a movie after dinner. I'd had a bad night yesterday (was in self-bashing mode) and woke this morning with swollen lids and a headache. The movie was a welcome respite.

I'd initially thought Battleship was a lame fighting type of show, typical guy-stuff. Well, it still was a run-of-the-mill humans vs aliens type of show with a predictable ending. But it turned out that I actually enjoyed the movie alot and was surprised by some of the comic dialogue and scenes peppering the movie. Eye candy, patriotism, romance, comedy, excitement, sadness, scary parts, lame parts....the movie had it all. :)

Nice show. Surprisingly.

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Ohm.....

I guess I do not like taking instructions from people whom I do not report to. Especially when I think it is not even necessary to issue that instruction. And especially when it is coming from The Coll.

I know I am supposed to do certain things. When I see it coming in, I KNOW it is my responsibility to handle it. So you do not need to tell me to do it.

I guess I need to learn even more patience. For my blood pressure rises when I get into such a situation. Ya, I guess I need to be more cool and patient, lest more wrinkles appear.

Cool cool, calm calm, zen zen.

In the words of Ally……“Ohm Ohm Ohm”

Monday, April 23, 2012

vro...vro....vrooo....vr...vroom?

Engine does not seem to be working well today. I am slow, groggy and distracted. All I seem to think of is K and whether he’s doing ok (he’s sick), how I need to go home for a run after work, and how I need to cook dinner for myself thereafter (parents are overseas).
I have not gotten much done since morning and I didn’t even have any appetite for lunch till around 1pm. Went to dabao mee hoon kuey eventually.

May the drone of the afternoon NOT lull me to sleep. May work beckon a little too otherwise I’d feel like a useless sack of potatoes sitting here.


want. to. go. somewhere.

A 6-month hiatus from flying or having any short trip suddenly seems too long to bear. Wonder if I can squeeze in any 2D1N trip to a nearby place in the next few weeks? Time seems short and tight these days, hope K & I can find some time out from the hustle and bustle of work and stuff!

Sunday, April 22, 2012

Orr Kuay

I'll spend some time on another day trying to figure this newly revamped Blogger interface out. For a first impression, I quite like it though. Spiffier, funkier, more up-to-date and the colour scheme is much nicer.

So anyway, back, to the issue at hand.

Um, I had my virgin taste of black chicken today. At K's place. The helper, under instructions from K's mum, cooked black chicken with white fungus as a soup, with no Chinese herbs if you wondering. Their family apparently likes this combination and K's Dad was happily feasting on the chicken.

I, on the other hand, have never ever had black chicken before in my entire 31+ years of existence. Mainly because my family doesn't cook it at home and those found outside are usually prepared with Chinese herbs. Plus, I find the thought of cooked black chicken quite strange.

A big bowl of soup and its accompanying ingredients was given to me during dinner. No choice.

As squeamish as I felt, I managed to take a few bites of the black chicken thigh I was given. I "donated" the rest of the meat to K.

Verdict? It tasted ok I guess. But I still felt squeamish trying it. -_-


Errrr

So I've not logged on to Blogger in 3 days. They now have a whole new format and layout and I am suddenly at a loss...

Thursday, April 19, 2012

加油!

I wonder how my boss does it. Maybe that’s why he is the boss.

To need to go through every single item and every single sentence a staff does or writes and make sure everything is correct and accurate is a tedious, cumbersome and challenging thing that I have not mastered fully yet.

I don’t know if this is considered managing at too micro a level but at least some important mistakes have been previously corrected in this manner, through his sharp eyes.

I gave my staff too much trust and did not check through and confirm whether something she wrote was factual and accurate. I should have done so when she has a track record for being careless. When the paper reached my boss, he pointed out the discrepancy/mistake almost straightaway.

My bad. I made a mistake too. I did not check her work thoroughly. :(
Nevermind, learn from this and move on.
下次我会做的更好!

Monday, April 16, 2012

My Monday

Went to guan yin temple today after my morning medical check-up.
Prayed for loved ones, family, closes friends. Hope I didn't miss out anyone. Hmm...

Parked myself at TCC Bugis for the nex 2 hours trying to sort out some personal and also som work stuff before heading home.

And that's a whole Monday gone already. Well almost, there's still 5 more hours to go till bed time. Let's see...what shall I do now?

equilibrium

Life is all about balance is it not?

Where there is good, there is also evil.
For every grain of rice we waste, there is someone elsewhere in the world who would kill to have it. For every tear we shed, there is a smile to counter it.
For every unwanted pregnancy, there is a couple who is trying ways and means to conceive.
For every baby born, there is an old person leaving earth and returning to the heavens.
There is Heaven and there is Hell. There is white and then there is black.
There are dreams fulfilled and there are those which are not.

I don't know where I am heading with all these. Just that life's quite a mystery.

ambitiousness

I’ve been recently digging through my old photos for the purpose of doing up a photo montage for the wedding dinner. Leafing through them definitely brought back memories of my geeky secondary school and JC years and of my fun-filled years in hostel.

I still find it strange though, that my closest friends are from my secondary school and hostel years. None of them are from my JC school years. But anyway, that is not the crux of this post.

While sorting through the photos, I came across a box of my old autograph books. Back in the days of the 1980s and 1990s, it was the trend amongst teenagers, especially girls, to pass around autograph books to their classmates so they could jot down contact details and nice words for the owner of the book.

I leafed through the book I had when I was in Sec 4 and came across an entry I thought was strange and um, sounded very serious. Here’s an extract:

“…I personally feel that you should not be so ambitious. It’s okay for a man to be like that but I shiver in fear when I think of a girl/woman who is so ambitious....you have made me wonder what it would be like if a lady were to be elected as President, what would her husband be called? First Man?

Anyway, you have also taught me about the power of women and that it takes a lot of effort for something between 2 people to work. Ambitious people like you have to sacrifice a lot you know. Maybe when you stop bouncing around more, you would comprehend.….”

Needless to say the above was written by a guy whose initials are CKM. I might have brushed off his entry when I was aged 16, I cannot remember. I cannot even remember if he was from my class or from the next class.

I wonder why he wrote those things about me being ambitious. Maybe at that point in time his young male MCP ego couldn’t take it that a female his age was excelling in all aspects of studies way more than him.

And for the life of me, I also cannot fathom why he wrote those last few sentences…

I was competitive when I was young. I did not want to "lose" out to another girl whom I disliked back then. She sometimes smirked at me when she trumped me in class. So I studied hard and gradually excelled in all my subjects (except Chinese lah ;p).

But I wouldn’t call it ambitious. Reading his comments now somehow makes me feel a little riled up and at the same time a little amused.

Riled up cos he was being an MCP even at that young age of 16.

Amused because most people who know me now probably won’t even say I am an ambitious person.

Thursday, April 12, 2012

$&^%*&^@#@!$^&^%*

Xian.

Staff just wrote a strongly-worded email to an international organisation. Chairman of that organisation just replied back in a strongly-worded email as well. And cc-ed the entire world including my boss.

I really don't need this now. Was already feeling down and then now this.

Need to pick up the pieces and answer to the boss. Damage recovery badly needed.

Oh FML.
How to rein-in a staff 12 years my senior and who is emotional and quick to jump the gun?

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Business Trips

Just realised that I've been dropped out of the trips to a neighbouring country for a consultancy project we're doing for their government. I'm still part of the team but I'm the only one not going there for information gathering and presentations to their Management and Minister. :(

I'd initially relished the opportunity to go there and learn and get exposure. How often would you get a chance to attend high-level stuff like that? Sigh. The only time I'll get a chance to go there would be to conduct training for their staff....on a rushed 2-3 day trip.

=======
Meeting in Toronto in October is confirmed. I think I'll love the place. I've booked my hotel already as well. The only thing is.....my birthday is right smack in the middle of it. FML.

=======
Thinking about the Prague meeting in June. In two minds about attending. It's a place I've always wanted to go cos TH said it's a beautiful place. But the wedding's only 3 weeks after the meeting ends.

moolah no lah

I seldom swipe for so much payments on my credit card.
I got a shock when I received a message from DBS this morning asking me if I wanted to increase my credit card limit. My initial reaction was whether my card had been fraudulently used.

Did some Math and then realised that hey, I actually did soend so much money within this month alone!! And it's only Day 10 of the month lol...

Time to eat grass...

Sunday, April 08, 2012

hmm.

Words and nuances are often misconstrued and lost in the online virtual world.
Words meaning something to one may mean something totally different to another.
And people don't talk as much to each other in maintaining relationships as before?

The more connected we get, the more disconnected we get as well?

Thursday, April 05, 2012

afternoon rants

Just found out from staff that The Coll told them not to approach me anymore for any advice on general enquiries from the public and just go to her only.

So, she's carving me out of the equation. -_-
Win liao lor.

===============
I've been put on another dose of doxycycline and also been given antibiotic cream to zap the stupid thing away from my forehead.

Darn it, I've never had any acne cyst before and suddenly over the last 2 weeks, I had 2 of them??!!

Please hormones...don't wreak havoc on my skin now...I only have less than 4 months to the big day!

===============
Maybe the basil pesto pasta wasn't a good idea for lunch. Tummy has been feeling bloated and heavy since then.

Tuesday, April 03, 2012

Will you marry me?

I read with amusement at the recent news of how a man proposed to his girlfriend of 3 years. He had arranged for a flash mob just outside the Art & Science Museum at MBS. Dancing to the tune of "Marry You" by Bruno Mars, he popped the question to his girlfriend.

That guy turned out to be one of my ex-colleagues. I did not keep in touch with him since I left the organisation 5 years ago. I'd always felt he was one to love attention and drama haha. Anyway, I'm happy for Charlie and his fiance. May their union in the near future bring them much happiness and everlasting bliss.

I was thinking.

Why are marriage proposals getting so competitive these days? Seems like as if so many guys are trying to outdo each other? I had a friend who got up on stage at Timbre to sing a song and propose on stage. Another who sprinkled the whole hotel room (including the carpeted floor) with rose petals and different presents and a big bouquet of 99 roses. Another who lit candles on a grass patch spelling out the words "will you marry me". Now Charlie has upped the ante with his flash mob proposal.

The trend seems to be going on elsewhere in the world as well. I've noticed that in recent years you start seeing more and more photos and videos of dramatic proposals being circulated on the net.

Then again, where there's demand, there's supply. Are these men going to such lengths because their other halves are asking for it?

Whatever happened to the good old "down on one knee-will you marry me" type of simple proposal?

Or maybe it's just me who doesn't need the theatrics.

Monday, April 02, 2012

Miss that feeling

It's been a long time since I had that feeling. That feeling of seeing a random something and feeling the need to write about it. Or seeing something which triggers a story which in turn starts unravelling on its own in my grey matter.

I miss that feeling.

That feeling when a random thought floats across my mind and I feel the urge to write it down. Or when I stand alone in the crowd and my mind starts stringing out simple poems and verses on its own. Or when I witness something mundane on the street and my mind starts thinking about life's coffer of amazing things.

It's slowly slipping away over the last couple of years. I hope I don't lose it completely.

I used to spend 1-2 hours each night glued to my PC typing away or blogging away. These days I hardly do so and I probably spend that amount of time on my blog in a whole month.

The big picture

Speaking or discussing things with people who draft and strategise policies for a living makes me feel inadequate. Alot of these are the public service scholars and those armed with Masters and PhDs.

I feel small and somewhat dumb when I'm sitting in with them in a discussion. Half the time I am lost in the wilderness, the other half of the time I am trying hard to keep up. And most of the time my mouth is shut. I just listen in. How to comment when I have no idea what is going on half the time?

I tried asking a question today. And the reply I had from someone was in such a "matter-of-fact, you mean you didn't deduce it?" manner that I retreated back into my shell again after that. Sigh.

They speak in motherhood statements and the big picture. They speak in "what ifs" and "what if nots". They speak in nuances and angles of influences. They speak in positions and propositions and ???...???.....

Oh bugger. :(

Someone suggested to me that I could seek a job rotation request and go join the policy team. No, definitely not my type of work.

Friday, March 30, 2012

...

There are some people who are probably just acquaintances now. Partly due to not being in each other's circle anymore and partly due to some not reciprocating when I tried to maintain contact.

So when they suddenly appear with the intention of being gossipy, I find it not my cup of tea.
No, not at all.

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

.......

The list seems to be growing.

4 male cousins can’t attend the wedding: 1 has a clash of wedding with me, 2 are in Australia studying, 1 is working in Shanghai. Now my mum’s best friend and her husband can’t attend because they need to go Canada to help look after their toddler grandson for a few weeks.

Sigh.

WTH

The Coll asked me about something yesterday afternoon and made it seem like I was not following proper procedures. I clarified certain points and left it at that. I did not say more as I did not want to seem too defensive. AND I do not report to her so I didn't see the need to tell her so many things.

During a team meeting with the boss in the later half of the afternoon, she brought the matter up again for discussion. Was she trying to make me look bad??

I mean, what the hell. This is my area of work. If you want to bring this up for discussion at a team meeting, fine. I am open to discussions and not making decisions unilaterally. But at least have the slightest bit of decency to tell me you are going to bring it up. Was she trying to sabotage me??

Anyway, the key word is "TRY". She tried to, but she failed.
The boss and the other senior manager agreed with the way I handled things.

Enough said.

parfois

Sometimes I feel like a bystander in this world. A little detached, a little disconnected. The world flows and ebbs around you. Sometimes you get overwhelmed and don’t know where to go. You’re afraid and end up staying where you are as it’s the only safe and familiar place you know. Sometimes you get pushed along with the currents, bobbing and floating along, like a piece of driftwood with no particular direction in mind. Sometimes, you float along thinking you’ve travelled far but then you find yourself back in the same place full circle. Sometimes, I think I ramble too much. Sometimes...I feel like I am left behind while others progress at a pace much faster than mine.

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Snap, Shoot, Click

I arrived at the photo studio at 930am yesterday and got home at 930pm. I think I probably spent close to 3 hours in total during the whole day doing hair and make-up and changing in and out of outfits.

I hope the photos turn out good in the end because there were a number of shots and poses that both K & I thought were abit too cheesy for our liking. :( Well, we’ll be heading back there in about 2 weeks’ time to pick out photos that we like for our wedding album. More updates after that session.

We were at Portsdown Road in mid-afternoon and “borrowed” a lady’s veranda to do some shots. She was so nice about it and even made us cold organic cherry drinks (seeing how hot and bothered we were). I felt so paiseh about it…

It’s amazing how make-up can alter a person’s appearance so much. I thought I looked so different with meticulously coiffured hair and meticulously applied make-up. The make-up artist plastered my eyes with 2 layers of false eyelashes! She said my double eyelids were quite uneven and “messy” as well. But I loved how she covered all my pimple scars and large pores haha.

I changed the colour of my eyeshadow and my hairstyle a total of 3 times.

The end result of all that hairspray and make-up?

12-14 cotton pads taken to clean my face and wipe off ALL traces of make-up. 2 times of shampooing and 2 times of conditioning to wash off all gunk from my hair and restore it back to the usual (almost) state. 5-10mins to search for all hairpins left in my hair. A grand total of an hour in the washroom.

I really hope the photos turn out nice!

Thursday, March 22, 2012

Nom nom nom nom



It will be a busy afternoon ahead. Before I get my head buried in work, I'll just share this picture. Happened to come across it and it brought a smile to my face. :)

I just had baby carrots for lunch too hhaa.

Ok, enough of these.

Time for serious work.

Friday, March 16, 2012

TGIF?

Sometimes, I question the need for a PA role in my unit.
Sometimes by the time I instruct and guide her how to do things, so much time would have been wasted that I'd probably be better off doing it myself.

If it was her first time doing it, I'm alright to spend time guiding her along. No problems. We all have our first time doing things.
If it was her second time doing it, I'm okay to guide a little as well. No problems. We sometimes need longer to know and remember how to do things.

This is her Nth time doing it. Where N is at least >10.
Why the hell am I still spending time telling her how to do it??

It is just a simple hotel room booking. You have all the details. No need to ask me so many things.............

Thursday, March 15, 2012

hmmm

The longer I am in the workforce....


  • the less open I am with most people

  • the longer it takes for me to warm up to others

  • the more untrusting I become, both to new people I meet and existing people in the workplace

And I am in a government agency. I wonder how it would be if I were to have been in a private company.

punctuality and working hours

I've been in the office for slightly more than an hour. It's 915am now.

None of the 2 guy technical managers are in yet. I don't expect them in till 930am maybe? Well, one of them saunters into office at 945-10am every other day. Sometimes either one of them disappears for 2-3 hours at a stretch and you have no idea where they go.
And they leave on the dot at 6pm.

Over time, you wonder about the fairness of things?

Wednesday, March 07, 2012

Tan

Someone just told me that I look bronzed after I came back from India.

Bleah! My wedding photoshoot is coming soon!! Hope the photographer takes good shots of me and uses his lighting to make me slightly "fairer"!

Fingers crossed

This project has hit so many snags and it is only the beginning. There is still one more year to go before the actual event. I hope things work out eventually. Hoping for some good news in the coming weeks.

Tuesday, March 06, 2012

mistakes

Sigh. I've been making more mistakes at work again. Especially so over the last 2 weeks. Maybe I was distracted by the trip???

Or simply not motivated?

Monday, March 05, 2012

Initiative. The lack of.

First day back to work after the 2-week trip to Delhi.
Discovered 2 staff were sitting on some things because they were just hanging around waiting for instructions from me.

All I ask for is some initiative. Simple things also need to keep waiting for instructions? If I need to look into such small details all the time, won't I be unneccessarily busy??