Of rain and the little girl...

There was just a huge clap of thunder. I hope Nadya's not scared. I only wish I was next to her to comfort her if she was feeling afraid. :( But alas, she's not here with me at this moment....:( 

Little baby, mama misses you a lot...:(((((

Little baby

I hope little baby gets well soon. 

The haze must have gotten to her. Came down with fever on Sunday and she's still running abit of a temperature earlier this evening. 

Her appetite's pretty much gone for most of the day. She refused lunch and dinner and her afternoon milk and only took 1/2 a hot cross bun in the morning for breakfast and another 3/4 of a hot cross bun for teabreak at my inlaws'. 

I was elated when she actually finished the entire bottle of milk I made for her at 730pm earlier on. 

She seems to be refusing to take milk at my inlaws' place. Even when she is not unwell. Trying to figure out why. Helper Maryann said a possibility could be that my mother-in-law gives her too many options if she refused her milk. Eh biscuits, cheese, raisin bread, buns, fruits, etc. Hmm, sounds possible an explanation. 

Anyway, I hope little baby sleeps well tonight. K and I only managed to get maybe 3-4 hours of sleep last night....sigh. 

That's life...

Bossy folks will always be bossy folks. 

If you're not in a position to jeopardize relationships, then 就是 (1) minimize interaction, (2) lun and then (3) lun somemore. 

Enough said

I will be strong. 我会努力，会坚强。

Help!!!

Is this called sleep regression? 

Little Baby has been waking up at night and fussing and throwing mega tantrums which last an hour or so. Well, at least for the last few days of this week. She can wake anytime at 11pm or at 1am or in last night's case, 2am. 

She would wake and be relatively calm but it rapidly escalates to a meltdown. Or she would wake and straightaway be so irritable that she goes into a meltdown. 

She would scream, kick and cry. She would reject K, and then call for him several minutes later. She would call for me and many a time she would request to be carried by me. I would have to reject her due to my current state and offer to hold her hand or cuddle her in bed instead. Nothing works to calm her. There was once we gave in and ended up reading storybooks and looking at photos, at 130am in the morning. 

Last night, K and I stood firm and put up a consistent, united front. We did not allow her out of her bedroom. We did not allow her anything save for water, milk and some light food. 

She wanted to "on the light". "No" was the reply. She wanted to "eat raisin bread". No. "See photos". No. "Violet" (a toy). Yes, tomorrow morning. "Gong Gong house" (my parents' place). Yes, tomorrow. "Go outside". Tomorrow. "Raisin bread". Tomorrow. "See photos". Tomorrow. 

Battle of the wills. She was wailing non-stop. Took some breaks here and there but the fussing was pretty much continuous. She lasted 1.5hours before she finally agreed to have some milk and then immediately rolled over and fell asleep. 

I don't know why this is happening. 

Sigh...this is not her usual self...

Both K and I are rather tired out because of her waking up like this...several days in a row. 

Baking time

Things I do when I'm on home leave now preparing myself for Peanut's arrival in 2 weeks' time....

I'm not good at baking. Most things I bake turn out below expectations lol. From brownies to muffins to focaccia bread and chicken pie. 

I think the only thing I can bake is shepherds pie. But that is closer to cooking a normal dish than baking pastries and cakes. 

So anyway, the thought hit me to clear some of the stuff I have in my kitchen and  I ended up baking after lunch. Attempted a small batch of Choc chip and raisin muffins. 

They turned out a little too hard at the top, I think I need to lower my temperature a little. There was not enough oil and not enough sugar too though these are arguable. Maybe the recipe I followed was a healthy option recipe haha. 

But still a better attempt than the previous time I tried making muffins haha. 

Pics for posterity. Gonna let the little girl try one muffin tonight. She's my worst food critic so I'm keeping my fingers crossed lol. 

You can tell the tops are too brown and hard...when they should have been fluffier-looking!

My half-eaten choc chip and raisin muffin. :) 

Colouring

Completed my second piece which was a free flowing visual spanning across 2 pages. A much better effort this time compared to the initial piece. Kept it simple and colour coordinated most of the time without incorporating too many elements and colours. Kept details simple and only did more gradients and shadows. :) Satisfied with this piece. Ok onward to the 3rd piece!

Full piece

Right side

Left side 

Of cooking competitions, the American culture and parenting

I caught an episode of MasterChef Junior Season 3. 

The kids come from different US states and were put together in the competition. The oldest was 13 and the youngest was only 8. They definitely impressed me with their culinary skills. They sautéed, flambe-ed, baked, roasted, caramelised, julienned, chopped, layered, etc...and what have you. They all made pasta from scratch. And pasta sauces from scratch. They made gorgeous desserts of restaurant quality and even presented/plated their dishes beautifully. Puts me to shame man lol. 

But well, culinary skills aside, what struck me most was some of their attitudes and character attributes. 

Most of us know that people in the US can be loud and brash. Many of them, not all but I think many of them, possess a level of confidence way higher than an average Asian person. Some are so confident that other cultures see them as being boastful, arrogant, loud, overbearing and over-the-top. Some cultures feel their heads have gotten too big and that they think too highly of themselves, to the point of being a little delusional and having a superiority complex. Mind you, being self-assured and being confident are two different things. 

So anyway, seeing how some of those children carried themselves and how they spoke on the show, it is apparent that a lot of kids in the US are brought up with this "I am good, better than the rest, I am best!" mentality since young. They are probably encouraged to think the best of themselves, have high self-worth and to be confident. No matter what. 

A 10-year old girl on the show unhesitatingly declared herself a better cook than her parents, even though they were the ones who taught her how to cook. She batted her lids, crossed her arms haughtily and said she would go on to "win this competition since I am the best and because I have been at it (cooking) since I was 4!". It was an irony though, for she was eliminated in the first episode itself. 

I cannot imagine a child from Singapore or maybe Japan or Hong Kong saying the same thing. 

Asians are afterall, more subtle. Humility features high on the values scale and some Asian cultures even favour self-deprecation. 

To me, confidence is a good thing. Quiet confidence that is. Coupled with an understanding and appreciation of the self. "In-your-face" confidence (or over-confidence? Or arrogance?) is too much for me. I'd feel turned off. 

Food for thought. 

I'd want my kids to grow up to be confident and self-assured people. But nothing over-the-top. They still need to stay grounded, be humble and not let things get to their heads.

Then and Now

I was in a sentimental, nostalgic mood last night. I trawled through some of the older photos I was tagged in last time on Facebook. Some from way back in 2007.

岁月不扰人

I looked so much younger even back in 2010 and 2011, a mere 4 or 5 years ago. I looked more refreshed and my eyes were brighter too. I was slimmer then of course haha. But I guess what I had then  also was more vigour and energy, more zest and maybe a generally lighter and happier feel. 

Zip forward to 2015. More eye bags, more wrinkles, duller skin. Time and age has caught up. :) I look more tired in general and more....I don't know how to put it. More mature. More experienced. Less fresh-faced and doe-eyed. And...less happy-go-lucky. 

Maybe motherhood and more responsibilities played a part too. :) 

I was looking at my friends as well, those who happened to be in my photos as well. We've all grown older...no longer the bunch of folks who drink and have the occasional visit to a club together. 

大家都老了几年。比往年多了白发，多了皱纹，多了经验，多了见识。

I wonder how it'll be in the year 2020 when I look back at my current 2015 pictures. :) 

Go Away!

Slightly scratchy throat and itchy eyes.
I'm already breathless from time to time because of the pregnancy. Now there's more stuff in the air that's making it harder to take in deep clean breaths.

Haze ah haze, please go away soon ok...

Feeling tired

I slept from 315-500pm this afternoon. Was doing some colouring till my eyes 不争气 and fell shut on me. 

It's 1030pm now and I am already more than sleepy.

Seems Peanut is zapping away much of my energy today. Belly feels rather stretched and heavier than usual today. Growth spurt? 

2 more weeks. 

Jiayou. 

Laoniang

Laoniang had planned out this entire week's meals already. And even gave herself a pat on the back. 

Laoniang is a smug one.

Until now when Laoniang suddenly realised that Friday is polling day i.e. Little Baby is staying at home cos her school will be closed. Which means Laoniang forgot to plan what to cook for her meals for that day....

Ok Laoniang not so smug now. :((((

Laoniang racking her brains on what to make for the little girl...who is turning out to be a fussy eater. 

(How did she turn out to be a somewhat fussy eater when her parents are foodies ah??)

Dr Chee

I was watching Dr Chee Soon Juan's full speech that he gave on 3 Sept at the SDP rally at Choa Chu Kang.

Charismatic, cheeky at some points, passionate, clear and convincing.

I thought he spoke well. Very well. Better than many other candidates from both the incumbent and other opposition parties. A force to contend with?

Perhaps. Maybe that was why the pants was sued off him by the incumbent all those years ago. Maybe that's why he was incarcerated, not once but several times.

I don't know much about him then and not even now.
I only knew what the media painted of him last time. That he was a mad man, a vile creature who spouted incorrigible untruths about the men in white, and hence, a hot-headed crazy barking man who would be better off locked up and put away. For the good of the people.

Maybe his methods were too radical and in your face at that point in time.
Maybe he was too passionate about his cause. Maybe he tried shoving his ideals down the wrong throats. He certainly ended up with bile, very vile bile, all over him then.
He was made a bankrupt, he was locked up and he had to stay away from the scene for more than a decade.

Maybe time and family has mellowed him down much over the years.
Maybe he has had time to rethink everything. He seems more grounded now.
More restrained. More steady and stable.

I have to give it to him. The passion and fire remains.
To be thrown onto the ground and stomped on. And then to get up, dust yourself off, re-strategise and come back fighting again. It takes alot of guts, gumption, courage, committment and passion.

While I may be a neutral party in terms of Singapore's politics, while I may not be particularly supportive of any party per se, I do wish him well.

Morning thoughts

Some meaningful excerpts from an article that appeared in the Straits Times today.
No need for the entire article to be reproduced here for the crux of the article is captured by the below......

=================
Bad things don't mess you up but how you view them can

"Events do not disturb people - their judgments about them do."

" It is our emotional responses to events, rather than the events themselves, that make us anxious and depressed."

"Healthy thoughts are direct responses to the events themselves. Unhealthy thoughts are focused on your own perceived inadequacy and ill-luck, or the unfairness of life."

"Assume that most times when you feel anxious, depressed or angry, you are not only strongly desiring but also commanding that something go well and that you get what you want."

"Very often, prolonged negative feelings arise not so much because of what does happen, but because we torment ourselves needlessly with thoughts of what should, ought to and must happen.

=================

I need some serious fixing of mindset.

Very often you read these articles, recognise the negative traits mentioned within as what you have as well, and agree wholeheartedly that you need to change...

Recognition and admittance of where you need to improve is one thing. It is the deliberate execution and constant reminder to yourself to follow through with the change that is key I suppose.

Interestingly, motherhood has helped in some ways. But I need to do more....

Om Nom Nom?

At this moment...craving for:

- Cheng ting. Cold. 

- Cha soba. Cold.

- Plain prata. With fish curry.

- Tosted white bread. With salted butter. 

- Filet o'fish. 

But too lazy to make any toasted bread or cha soba though I have them at home. 

Hmm....


Update:
K made toasted bread for me in the end hehe. Thank you baby....
But after I had that piece of buttered toast....I was still feeling restless and needing to munch somemore. But it was late already....I ended up just guzzling some milk and then surfing the Net...lol.

I wish!

Wished I looked as glam as these two preggies....

In reality, I think I am more like this.....

Unkempt hair (in all areas)
Be-spectacled.
Protruding belly (and belly-button) which seems to pop out from my home clothes too often for my liking.
Shorts sliding off my bum because the belly is pushing it way down....
Grouchy pimpled face (ok granted the pic above has a smiley face...I couldn't find a grumpy and pimpled cartoon of a pregnant lady lol).
Darkened skin in some areas.
Dark linea nigra appeared a few weeks ago...


Did I just share too much information?
Bah....don't care....already unglam....I can write unglam stuff in here too....

Voila....last 2.5 weeks....

And so, here I am. 36 weeks along.

It is the 7th of September. A Monday.
I am on 2 weeks official medical leave given by my gynae. Thereafter would be the week of the scheduled csec.

Where did all the time go?? I thought I just peed on the stick and saw the positive sign like what.... yesterday??

I do feel like a whale now. A whale with aches and pains. Neck, shoulder, backside, upper arms, lower back, lower calves, groin, fingers.....you name it.

Trying to clear some remnant work items. Trying to relax at home before D-day comes.
Trying to stay upbeat. Trying to not think about things.

I still feel like a first-time mom.
Sheesh. 

Of Little Baby, parenting and.....panting

Little Baby has been cranky of late. The last 3 days at least.

A small thing would trigger her fussiness and crankiness. Case in point: she has several water bottles. Bring her the "wrong one" when she's in one of her moods and you will trigger a partial meltdown, sometimes a full meltdown.

She has also been waking in the middle of the night screaming and kicking. Night terrors at work? Perhaps. Sometimes her eyes are shut. But eventually she will open them and continue with her antics. There was once when she requested for barley water and cheese. At 130am in the morning. Refuse her and she descends even further into her screams and bawls and kicks and what-have-you.

It is rather embarassing too, to know that your child's screams have pierced the otherwise still night. And more likely than not the entire block and the entire neighbouring block is hearing your child scream. At 130am in the morning.

One tough thing about this whole thing is that, she is refusing K at night. She is quick to say "Don't want Dada." And if he still stays within her line of sight, she can't pull herself out of her crying fit. I would then step in and try to defuse the situation. Sometimes I can do it within several minutes and she calms down enough to fall back to sleep. Sometimes it takes much much longer with much more effort..read: maybe an hour or more.

The other tough thing about all this is that, I am tired. Rather tired.

I'm into my 36th week. I feel like a whale.

I huff and puff and pant more than half the time. And then I pant somemore. The insides of my nostrils are getting more swollen, the blood vessels there are getting more swollen. It makes for heavier breathing just to get the same amount of air into my lungs. Hence, the huffing and panting.

I can't sleep well too. When Little Baby woke at 4am last night, she fussed but we were lucky for it was only for a short while. I thought it was good that it was a short episode and that I could probably get back to sleep quickly. I was wrong....I ended up tossing and turning for what seemed like a long time. Coupled with the warm weather and hazy skies...I was mildly irritated. I was half tempted to just pull myself out of bed and clear some remaining office work.

I hope these last 2-3 weeks before Peanut's arrival will be smooth-going.

Jiayou Little Baby.
Jiayou K.
Jiayou me....

Conversations with an almost 23-month old

We were looking through a book of cats. 

Me: Wow, look at the cat! Its tail is so long! Nadya, do you have a tail? 

N: No, no tail, backside only. 

Lol lol lol. 

============

K, Nadya and I were on our bed, just rolling and lazing around when she let out a fart. 

Me: Who farted? (Actually I was speaking to N but K answered)

K: She.

Me (speaking to N): Nadya, who farted?

N: She. 

So yep, she's a parrot these days...lol

....

有些话是空说的吗??

Conversations with an almost 23-month old

Nadya's lately taken to stopping K midway through his singing.
I find it hilarious the way she does it....you have to be there to witness it to know what I mean...
In the meantime, here's the "transcript" lol...


K: *singing*  Hush little baby, don't say a word...Mama's going to buy you a .......
N: *holds up one hand near K's face, palm open, fingers outstretched, arm ramrod straight*
N: Stop! Dada stop! Dada stop sing!

K: errr.....*continues singing*.....buy you a mockingbird...if that mockingbird won't sing.....
N: *more insistent*  Dada STOP! Dada no song. Dada stop sing song!
N: Mama sing! Mama sing song.

K: ok lor...
Me: err...ok...*starts singing the song*

N: *gives a small grunt of approval*  mmm.


And then she settles down on her bed...haha.
So our little girl is now dictating who sings what.....

La Coeur et L'esprit

发觉最近心胸又变得狭窄一些
需常常提醒自己
心胸要懂得放大一点，要学会放宽一点

Go Go Go!

I don't know if this is a good or bad thing. Somehow, when I am going on leave very soon (tomorrow is my last day in office), then important things come in.

My covering officers will have to bear the bulk of the work to be done.

Why do I ask if it is a good or bad thing?

Good because I can "siam".

Bad because...it doesn't reflect that well on me and.....I am donating away some bonus $$ to some of these covering officers lol.

And bad because I have a feeling that even when I am on leave, I will still get calls, texts or emails regarding some of these important issues. 

Oh well...take it as it comes.

我是 superwoman!!
Go Go Go!

Finally

Completed this piece...on hindsight, it seems a little gaudy haha. Maybe I'll tone it down for the next piece. Overall, good effort for a first piece I think!

Ahhhhh...

We finally got ourselves our own balcony table and chairs several weeks ago. 

Am on MC today. Feels good clearing work emails while having breakfast in the balcony. 

A neighbour is playing the piano. Thank you neighbour for providing me with some background music. 

Morning birds are up and about, chirping in the skies and in the trees below. 

The sun is getting stronger though, but some clouds have blocked it so I don't get the brunt of the sun's rays.

Good morning world!

Gambatte Michelle! 

And K, and Nadya and Peanut!

Gynae visit

I was at the gynae's this morning. 

1. Everything's going smoothly. What a relief to hear.

2. I have sugar in my urine again. It turned the paper the darkest shade of green/blue/teal I'd ever seen. The nurse told me to drink more water. The doc didn't seem too concerned. 

3. I asked the doc how heavy Peanut is right now but he didn't reply me...:(

4. I apparently still have a lot of amniotic fluid in me. Which is good cos it means Peanut will still stay in there for several weeks more. 

5. Muahaha. I was issued 2 weeks MC by the doc to rest well before Peanut arrives. *evil laugh* MC starts from next week. *evil laugh* :D

6. I've put on 13kg so far. Sigh...for the entire pregnancy for Little Baby, I put on 13kg. I still have 3 weeks more to go for this pregnancy lor! 

7. BP was 110/52 this morning. I'm happy because it's going back to normal again instead of being on the lower end of the spectrum. 

Supposed to see the doc again in another 2 weeks. 

Jiayou Michelle! 你可以的!!

Yo whassup?!

Got a cap for her a few days ago. Glad I made the purchase. :)

Her first cap ever and in bright pink too. 

Here's her new image! I'm loving it and it seems she does too! 

Bleah!

Feeling. Un-sated. 

There's a niggling feeling of wanting to munch on something. But can't put a finger on what food exactly. 

And the man just flatly refused to buy prata for me. :( 

Which means either I'll stay restless and missing something (a rather torturous feeling might I add), or I'll stuff myself with some milk and cereal. Not the most ideal either way. 

Oh.....>]*~€{¥<+}]€£{=<@&@&:!;$;&:"-:!!!!!!

Murphy's Law?

I find it strange.

Things can be at a lull but when one is going on leave soon, it is as if the universe wakes and decides to send in several work items all at once so that your last 2 weeks (before you take your leave) becomes a hectic period.

Just within these 2 days alone, I've suddenly had work items coming in and several more discussions and meetings taking place...

Lol...why ah?
Happens all the time :)

Duit, Money, 钱, Argent

I used to harbour some hope of perhaps working on a part-time or flexible-hours basis. So that some time can be freed up to spend time with the children in their growing up years.

Did some calculations.

With the type of funds and expenditure that we need each month, I think I can say that my hopes are pretty much squashed flat. Flat to no recognition whatsoever.

All about choices I guess.

The type of lifestyle, the type of decisions we make, the things we end up committing ourselves or tying ourselves down to.

Just really looking forward to the following months:

• Dec 2015 when I will be receiving my year-end AWS bonus of one month
• 6-7 months later in April/May 2016 when I will be receiving my next pay increment. Hopefully it will be something substantial. Fingers crossed.

Reminder and Note to Self

Online-shopping is easy peasy BUT.......不可以乱花钱！

Well, at least from now till the next 3-4 years.

Omg. :(

加油！

需调整和平复一下心情
但从何开始？
最近的 grogginess 和 inability to concentrate 和 forgetfulness
是有点难搞
嗨，加油吧美金！

What is a FML moment?

When you are in the middle of the expressway and you suddenly discover that you forgot to bring your office laptop with you.

Happened this morning. First time ever. I usually discover it before I leave the house.
Peanut must really be re-directing alot of my brain juices to herself. Please save some for Mama ok? Mama still has one more work week to go and needs the brain juice!

We were on a cab. I dropped K off, went back to the house to get the laptop and then took the same cab back to my office in Pasir Panjang.

I am thankful that the cab uncle was a nice guy who ferried me to and fro. I was apologising to him for making him "go round the world" but he said it was okay. Thank you uncle.


Sidenote #1:
The amazing thing was that despite me making detours and all, I still reached office earlier than 80% of my team-mates. Hmm...either the few of us are hardworking or the rest of them are slackers haha.

Sidenote #2:
I was expecting the cab fare to be above $50 and possibly close to $60. It turned out to be $47, with a $5 discount....not too bad at all...

Heavy downpour

It's 215pm on 26 Aug 2015. 

It's raining cats and dogs now with thunder rumbling and then booming extremely loudly in the sky.

I hope she's fine in school and not too cold or too scared of the loud thunder. :( 

Little Baby, Mama wishes she was by your side right now, to comfort you if you're feeling afraid. 

Cravings

This time round, my cravings are somewhat different.

When I was carrying Little Baby, I wanted hor fun, cheeseburger and fillet 'o fish burgers from Mac, toasted white bread, Gardenia's raisin bread, Kraft cheese, Sara Lee's chocolate pound cake and HL milk. 

This time round, I need my Sara Lee chocolate pound cake even more. I didn't really snack mich on cheese though I take it in some of my sandwiches for breakfast. And I crave for roti prata although strangely I didn't ask for it these last 2 weeks. Oh yes, I need a lot more cold water or drinks this time round too. 

Peanut seems to have a sweet tooth. I was dabaoing Cheng Ting quite often haha. And there was a short few weeks when I needed Kit Kat every night, together with Chips Ahoy. I've since cut out Kit Kat and Chips Ahoy...um, ever since my urine test showed signs of sugar in it....(opps!)

But oh yes, the milk craving stayed the same. At this point, I'm downing 4 litres of HL milk every week....I think K finds it scary hahah. 

Wow...

I just discovered my colleague has 4 kids, with the youngest being only 7mths old. His eldest is 8 and in primary two already. I thought he had 3 kids and was mighty shocked when he told me...nope, I've 4.

I told him, "Wow, I salute you!"

And actually I salute his wife too. I respect her more in fact.
For going through 4 pregnancies, with each kid on average being 2 years older than the previous sibling. That means on average, after each pregnancy, she only stayed non-pregnant for around 14-16 months.

And she's still a working mum.

(They have to be dual income, what with 4 kids and several years more of diapers and milk tin purchases and helper hiring and babysitter hiring....)

Pretty challenging I think. I'm seriously in awe.

======
Come to think of it, I suddenly realised I know at least 10 people with 3 kids and another 3 more folks with 4 kids....

Much saluting to these people! 

The Untitled Poem

You don't know it little one
But Mama is starting to miss the days when you were even more little
The heady smell of your newborn skin
The creases and wrinkles in those first weeks after you came crying and fist-punching into this world
The thick fuzz you had on your head
The big unfocused eyes you had then
The way your head turned to me when you caught a whiff of my smell
And of course....your tiny fingers and toes 

You don't know it little one
But Mama is wondering why you are growing so fast
Where did all the time go? Can it slow down a little?
One minute you're helpless on your back
The next minute you're on your tummy already
One minute you're stuck in the same spot
The next minute you're leopard crawling all over the place
And of course....now you're walking all around

You don't know it little one
But Mama wishes she could keep each and every memory of you etched deeply into her mind
Your first smile, your first gurgle
Your first flip onto your tummy
Your first expression when you first tasted solid food
Your first babble, your first real word
Your first crawl, your first step
And of course, your first hug to me and your first utterance of "MaMa"

You don't know it little one
But Mama is afraid and unsure sometimes
Am I doing the right things?
What more should I do, can I do?
Am I doing enough?

Are we making the right decisions?

Are we teaching you right?
And of course, what if I turn out to be a terrible mother?

You don't know it little one

But Mama loves you so so much

And of course, you're living in her heart.

=======

Inspired.

By an article I read from another mother. 

I can't give credits because I've forgotten where that article appeared in. 

Comment: This was written and posted a year back in August 2014. I have NO IDEA how it came to be republished today in Aug 2015. So strange.....

Mid-day musings

I think I have not handled 2015 very well so far.

The early months were spent grappling with getting a rhythm in our lives in our own home and figuring out how to engage Little Baby more in her meals and development. Weekends were spent cooking and doing chores and looking after Little Baby. It did not feel to me like as if we had much freedom or social life.

And then later on, it seemed to me that I spent most of my time just trying to keep my head afloat and above water. Frantic paddling of feet underneath the water's surface. Juggling work, Little Baby and a burgeoning belly. It did not help that for the period of April, May, June and July, she fell sick once a month. I used up quite abit of both my annual leave and childcare leave during this time.

Then there was the period from May till July when I was trying to settle issues related to getting a helper in and then doing onboarding for her.

Plus my medical check-ups every now and then. zzz.

If 2014 had its challenges, then 2015 is somewhat comparable too haha.

There are definitely also good and happy times.

Just wondering what can be done to revamp our humdrum lifestyle a little so we can inject abit more fun and excitement into it. Glad we did things like bring her to the beach and eat breakfast at Starbucks at ECP haha. And glad we brought her out for brunch at The Bank a few months back too.

Of course, maybe any changes to be tried and implemented could only come after Peanut is out and after I have recovered from my csec.

Food for thought.
Food for thought.

fml

For the life of me, I simply cannot cross my legs in the lady-like way anymore i.e.  with thighs overlapping each other.

I can only place my left foot over my right thigh i.e. doing it the men's way.

And it makes for pretty uncomfortable positions in office lol. My bum hurts after a day in the office.

Factoid of the Day

My mum was sharing this with me the other day.

She was having lunch at Tampines Mall. My Dad was at the gents. Next to their table in the foodcourt was seated a mother and her toddler daughter.

My mum, being the auntie that she is, was curious and started observing the little girl.

And being the auntie that she is, she started a conversation with the mother. Turned out that the girl was around Little Baby's age. At 20 months, she's around 2-3 months younger than Little Baby.

My mum mentioned to the younger mother that her daughter had a nice almost full set of teeth, vis-a-vis Little Baby who is till now only sporting just 8 teeth. The younger lady told my mum that her daughter was refusing to speak though and only says some words like "milk", "mama" and "dada". In response, my mum told her Little Baby was chatty and talkative although she is trying to pronounce words well enough.

The lady said, "Oh yes, babies whose teeth pop out earlier and fuller will end up being late bloomers in speech. And those whose teeth take a longer time to pop out will end up speaking much earlier and better!"

So there you go, factoid of the day.

Or old wives' tale of the day? Hmm. :)
My mother had never ever heard of this before haha. Neither have I.

Suddenly

Time has a way of suddenly popping up in your face and telling you that Dday is near. Be it school or work project timelines, wedding dates, etc....and of course, pregnancy delivery dates.

Suddenly, there are only 4 weeks left. 

Jitter. Jittery. Jitters!

Still some more things to be done before I feel more ready.
Still at least 2-3 more gynae visits before D-day.

Breathe...

thoughts of...granny

Woke with tired eyes and a stuffy nose this morning.

Mainly because I bawled hard for a good 5-10mins yesterday. I was re-reading an old blog post I made last April, about the day my granny left us.

There were other subsequent posts relating to the proceedings for her wake but I decided not to read them. Otherwise I would have been bawling for more than that amount of time.

On hindsight, I can only conclude that either I was already feeling emo, or that I am a writing maestro and my written words were simply too fantastic and powerful and could evoke such strong feelings in someone.

I choose the latter. Hehe :p

Sun shiny day

"It's gonna be a bright, bright, sun-shiny day!"

Got onto the cab earlier on and Kiss 92FM was playing this song. 

Awesome start to the day. :) 

Definitely perked up my zombified self somewhat. Why am I zombified? Cos Little Baby woke at 12am, 130am and then 530am....zzzzzz. She had a heavy dinner and we had initially thought that we would be having a smooth night ahead of us. Guess we were wrong...

Anyway, Jiayou to both K and I!!

FB Memory Feature

FB has this new feature where it shows you your previous posts made on the same day in past years. 

So nostalgic and sentimental. Perfect feature for me. 

A short look back into the past. To remind you somewhat, of where you came from, how things and people have changed from then till now, and how much you have traversed in body, mind and spirit within that few years. 

Taking some stock too. 

Like? Don't like?

She had her first taste of durian today. It wasn't from an actual durian fruit but it was close enough. She was licking and chewing on a piece of Mao Shan Wang durian snow skin mooncake from Goodwood Park Hotel.

She gave a cringey look but continued licking and nibbling anyway. And son after she rejected it lol. Not sure if she liked it or not. 

Photos for posterity! 

Male chivalry

Popped by Opera Estate's Baker & Cook branch for breakfast this morning again. A convenient place to head to since they are open for business very early. Before we discovered them, we only had MacDonalds as an option.

Left the place after a happy meal or croissants, scrambled eggs, ham and cheese. Kyne was carrying N and had gone out first. I, being the slow and shuffling one now, was trailing far behind and by the time I reached the exit, the door had already closed. I reached out to push open the door and was then pleasantly surprised when a Caucasian guy popped out of nowhere to help me open the door. 

I said a big thank you. Felt totally grateful and appreciative of his gesture. If the cafe had been full of local guys, I doubt any of them would do it. (Ok, K begged to differ though haha) 

Anyway, thank you sir. For helping me with the door. And for putting a smile on my face so early in the morning. 

Counting Down

Approaching 34 weeks.Time really flies.

While most of the pregnancy has been relatively smooth and manageable compared to when I was having Little Baby, I didn't count on feeling much much heavier (and more breathless) in my last 2 months of pregnancy this time round.

Pelvic pressure is building. There are days when I walk awkwardly due to aches in my loins and at the thigh joints. The belly seems mighty heavy too.

And since around 2-3 weeks ago, there are days when Peanut seems intent on sucker-punching me form the inside once every few minutes till I feel winded. She must be having a ball of a time stretching, kicking, somersaulting, and basically trying out every conceivable gymnastic and pugilistic trick in the book. She stretched me so much last night with a mighty kick that I instinctively sucked in my breath in shock.

I hope she doesn't turn out to be as feisty and stubborn as her older sister haha.

The jitters have been on the rise. Yes, even though this is my second pregnancy, I am still feeling the jitters. 

Praying for a smooth csec delivery and a smooth recovery after that as well.
Praying for a smooth time in nursing Peanut.
Praying for sufficient rest.
Praying for a compliant, cooperative and understanding Nadya during the time of my confinement too....

Praying.

Hans Zimmer

Hans Zimmer accompanies me this morning...what an exceptional composer.

His pieces conjures up tonnes of emotions...

Inspiring, haunting, scary, uplifting, soothing, loving, you name it....

Currently in love with the following:

• "Gortoz a Ran" from Black Hawk Down (all time fav since a long time back)
• "Chevaliers de Sangreal" which is the main theme song for the Da Vinci Code
• "Time" from Inception 
• "The Way of the Sword" from The Last Samurai

Pls explain

I simply do not understand.

How does one BLATANTLY claim to be busy and have a big workload.

And still also have time to BLATANTLY read newspapers everyday at her desk?

Please explain to me.

I am too dumb to understand how such a contradictory situation can occur.

Conversations with a 22-month old Toddler

Scene: She stole my pillow. I was trying to take it back. We were both holding onto separate ends of my pillow.

Me: That's Mama's pillow. Can you give it back to me please?
N: Mama! No! Let go!
Me: *stunned*
Me (thinking): where did you learn that? we only ever use "give it back" with you....lol.

===========
Scene: She was sitting on my bed with K. I had just taken a morning shower and was walking out of the bathroom.

N: Mama come! Sit down! Bed!
Me: Ok, coming.
N: Mama come!!!
Me (thinking): you need more patience my little one......

===========
Scene: I was lounging on her bed. She had just gotten off it and was pacing around her room looking for something.

Me: Are you looking for something sayang?
N: Dada! Book! Where Dada put the book?
N: Where? Where? Where Dada put the book?
Me: Haha...Maybe it is under your bed? Underneath your bed. (She likes the word "underneath")
N: Oh...underneath....*proceeds to peer below her bed for whatever book she was looking for.*

Work in progress

Reminds me a little of my grandmother's sarongs for her kebayas. Not those she used for daily wear but those more intricate looking ones she wore for special occasions. 

Gratitude

We were in the cab on the way to work this morning. I looked over to K's side, out through his side of the car window and unknowingly had a small smile on my face. K asked what I was smiling about. I didn't quite answer him...:)

Truth of the matter? I was just savouring the moment.....


The moment when I took a deep breath and told myself that today will be a good day, a beautiful day, a wonderful day.

The moment when I caught the morning sun's rays falling on the trees lining the side of the expressway, turning their leaves from green to bright sparkling shimmering hues of gold and yellow.

The moment when I saw the bright blue sky, way up high with small fluffy clouds of white.

The moment when everything seemed right with all stars aligned.

The moment when I felt grateful for everything I have, including my loved ones and their unwavering presence in my life. 


Yes, those were what I was smiling about......

17 August 2015

How fleeting life can be.

While I can't claim I know you very well, I think you've had a relatively well-lived life.

You've always been fun-loving, smart and loving life.
You recently graduated and got your hard-earned MBA. 
You loved and were loved in return by friends and family and Wanling.
You mostly enjoyed your work and you had the chance to travel to some places these last few years. 

I hope you didn't suffer too much in the last few weeks.
And I definitely hope that you are in a better place right now.

Rest in peace Mahesh.
I wish you well wherever you may be.

And I'm glad that Nadya had the chance to see and play with you at least twice....

Newest obsession

Colouring. In an adult colouring book. :) 

So aside from a recent obsession with buying things from Qoo10, colouring is my newest hobby. 

I love the colouring book I got. It's called "Secret Garden" by a lady named Johanna Basford. She has a full range of adult colouring books, all filled with copious amounts of lined images of flowers and plants, animals, sceneries, fantasy images, etc, 

But I hated that the online vendor "cheated" me of my Staedtler colour pencils and gave me some low quality weirdass Mexican or Spanish brand of colour pencils. 

So I need and want to get a new box of either Faber-Castell or Staedtler colour pencils. 24 colours perhaps, if the 48 colour box proves to be too expensive. :) 

.......

I had originally wanted the last few weeks before I deliver to be more relaxed and smooth-sailing.

Turns out there are various things happening that are bringing me some form of stress and frustration.

2 colleagues "choot" pattern now regarding my covering duties. It's only regarding a small matter but now I seem to have to mediate between the two when it was of no fault of mine.

There are other things happening as well.

When can I get the chance not to think about anything at all?

Gynae visit this morning

Peanut is 32 weeks along and weighing 1.7kg now. Diameter of her head is at 8cm and she has wedged herself comfortably in a corner of my tum, with her head down already and her back/spine at the left my of tum.

My blood pressure was around 94-50. A little low by a normal person's standards but according to the doc and nurses, it's oerfectly normal for a pregnant lady. Good. 

I've put on 11kg so far. Just nice I think, considering I've about 6 more weeks to go.

The doc asked if there were 10kicks in a day. I told him it was uncountable, definitely more than 10kicks in a day lol. 

And he has also confirmed that Peanut's a girl. :) I'll have 2 princesses! More hair to play with too haha. 

And so I've also spoken to the doc and he (bless him) will be granting me a 2-week MC before the date of my csec. Which means my last day at work will be 4 Sept. 

With that I can safely put into action my leave clearance plan with my company. Good. 

Her Speech

I'm pretty stoked that Little Baby is speaking quite abit. I don't know if other kids are doing the same but I'm just rather proud of her haha.

Some examples of stuff she has said so far...

• Mama come, draw.
• Mama read the book.
• Nana feed horse, carrots. 
• Dada help Nana feed horse, carrots

And I just realised she can count from 1 to 10 in Mandarin! And that she actually knows a fair bit of Mandarin words and phrases as well like 大象， 牛奶， 睡觉，要不要，好不好，臭臭....etc.....

Proud mama...haha.

random thoughts

忍一时风平浪静
退一步海阔天空
有进的时候
也有退的时候

风筝的线
有时该拉紧 
有时也该放松一些
好让它飞得更高更远更久

Preps

Booties, socks and mittens see sunlight again after 2 years hidden away in a box. 

Today

It was a little scary. To have felt so out of sorts and out of breath this morning in office.

I'd taken the bus and trudged the 800m or so to the office building. I had to sit down when I reached the basement carpark. And I did, for a good 10mins. I could feel my heart pumping furiously. My heart rate was averaging 92 or so a minute. (Yes I physically felt for my pulse and counted it)

When I thought I could make the final "trek" up to my office, I did so slowly. By the time I reached my desk, I couldn't talk. Breathless and nauseous. A colleague came to speak to me but I could only stare at her a little and wave her off. I couldn't even muster a smile. I felt like if I'd moved my lips at all, bile would come spewing forth. I'm glad she understood that I was not dissing her and that I was feeling unwell. 

I thought I was feeling that way because I'd not taken breakfast yet and so I dredged up some strength to pluck my sandwich from my bag and started munching on it. The bread only helped a little. 

I was sitting there, half reading emails, half surfing the net and all the time trying to get my breath back. It was a good hour or so before I could talk some bit. By then I'd already half decided to grab a cab home. PQ happened to text me at that moment and she told me to go home too. 

I slept much today. An hour plus during lunch time and another hour plus before dinner. 

It is night now and while I am better, I am still actually feeling quite tired and rather bushed. The nausea has dissipated but it comes and goes. 

I didn't interact much with Little Baby tonight. Mainly because I lacked the energy to. She had clung on to me like a koala bear when my father-in-law and helper first brought her home. Apparently, she'd thought I was waiting for her in the car when they brought her out of my in-laws' house but when she discovered that I was not in the car at all, she kicked up a big fuss and wailed all the way on the journey home. When they reached my place, she was quiet and subdued in my father-in-law's arms. It was obvious she's been crying and was still visibly upset. Spent a good 15 quiet minutes soothing her before she became her normal mischievous self again. 

I hope I'll be better tomorrow. 

Of transitions and......sleep.....and thoughts......

We had been wanting to transition Little Baby from her cot to her new bed for quite awhile but didn't get a chance to get round to it.

2 nights ago, in the middle of the night, she woke up feeling unwell and upset. She was cranky and looked to me to carry and comfort her. Being the whale that I am now, I couldn't carry her for long and chose to sit on the edge of her new bed instead, while hugging her in my arms. It soothed her for only a little while before she started fussing again. I was bushed and ended up placing her on her new bed while my mind frantically thought of ways to soothe her.

I started singing her favourite song (Wheels on the Bus) softly and patting her. Miraculously, she fell back to sleep. Right there on her new bed.

And so, that was how we started her transition.

I am glad she took to sleeping in her bed well enough. No refusals or anything. Although she does get distracted by the realisation that she has more freedom now and can climb down from the bed anytime she wants to. :)

===============

It had been a different night last night. She had been an energiser bunny who kept going till 1015pm. She usually sleeps around 830 or 9pm.

When she finally fell asleep, I was tired. So I just sat next to her bed for a breather and stared at her...

She was in her favourite sleeping position, on her side, with one arm wrapped around her bolster and that same little hand clutching a small red teddy bear my Mum had bought for her from Korea. Her fluffy hair spilled out behind her head, with small clumps of it stuck to her exposed cheek and wisps of it trailing her forehead. Her knees were bent and apart but further down her little feet met up again,little toes of one foot touching the other's heel ever so lightly. She slowly fell into a steady rhythmic breathing, her body moving slightly with each breath intake.

I continued looking at her.

When did my little puffball morph into something more like a little person?

She's even sleeping in her own bed now. No longer using a baby's cot. Maybe in a year's time she'll no longer be using diapers.

She is articulating her needs and voicing her thoughts to us now. And also describing stories to us now. At least to the best she can while limited by her vocabulary and lack of grammar.

She's growing up fast. Too fast.

While I am excited at her growing up and also her learning journey, I can't help but also feel some loss.

Her baby fats are melting away slowly. Everyday she is getting older, everyday she is less of a baby and more of a toddler, a child, a little person.

Do all parents feel this way? :)

Long Night

Expected it.

And expected that I would also need to try to find a way to carry her such that it wouldn't hurt my back or Peanut nestled in me. 

Just went through an hour long episode with her. I'm beat. I've put on 11kg so far, plus her current 11.5kg that's 22.5kg in total. 

Hope she gets well soon.

Her falling sick once a month for the last 4 months is extremely worrying. Sigh. 

Jiayou Little Baby. 

Mama will Jiayou with you too....

Birthday Celebration Preparations!

Since Little Baby's birthday will coincide with the time I am in confinement, I decided to hold her birthday celebration in school 2 months earlier lol.

Preps are underway and going well. All I need to do is to order the cupcakes. 

Goodie bags just arrived today and I added boxes of raisins to them. Snacks for her friends. Why do kids like raisins Ah? Lol....

Of online shopping, Terrariums & Gardening!

Been on a roll recently.

The amount of things I've ordered from Qoo10!

I cannot resist buying things related to terrarium building. I just discovered a local seller on Qoo10 who is carrying the most comprehensive terrarium-related paraphernalia and tools I can find in Singapore. I went a little bonkers and bought numerous items from her.

Only thing now is...how to find time to do up terrariums ah? Lol...I still have terrarium holders (glass ones) from previous purchases which are lying empty and have not been filled with love and plants yet.

Now that we're getting our own table and chairs for our own balcony (like finally after a whole year!!!), I think I shall put that table to good use! :)

Terrarium making akan datang!

And also, now that we're doing up our balcony finally, I think I need to start populating it with some pots and plants and maybe some of my open-air terrariums...:)
Otherwise the balcony will just look so drab and lifeless....some greenery will do it good. :)

Yay!
Something to look forward to!

Now....all I need is to find the time......

Hmm.....

That's um....challenging......

Hopefully I get to do some of these before Peanut arrives.

And hopefully also during my maternity leave.....

Earlier this morning :))

Reminder to Self

She is young only this once.

Tomorrow, she is one day older.
Tomorrow, today's moment has passed.

Be present.
Be thankful.
Be content.

I am her go-to person now...
When Dada scolds, she bawls, screams for "mama!" and runs to me.
A hug and a kiss and a stroke of her head and she feels better.

She then scurries away again.
In search of her drawing or musical or cuddly wiggly toys.
Or she searches for her Dada again, in spite of having rejected and pushed him away just minutes before.

I am grateful.
I am in love.
And I am still amazed at how K and I created this lovely little girl.

She can be a hard, stubborn and spirited nut at times.
A small but powerful ball of flailing, kicking limbs and screaming, screeching lungs.
A force to reckon with.

It's at times like these when we get tried and tested.
In all our tiredness and sleep-deprived state.
Our patience, our stamina, our grit, stretched and pulled in every direction possible.

Tempers flare, egos get trampled upon, sensitivities and mindfulness go out the window.
But we have to pause and breathe.
And we have to remind ourselves that.

She is young only this once.
Tomorrow, she is one day older.
Tomorrow, today's moment has passed.

I feel proud.
I feel happy.
I feel excited.

To see her grow.
To see her smile and run around.
To see her learn and explore and test the world around her.

I take heart in knowing that she finds comfort in my presence.
In knowing that she thinks of mama when she feels upset.
And in knowing that I am able to hold her close and cuddle her and offer her comfort and security.

Who knows how long this will last?
There will come one day when she will go to her Dada instead.
Or her friends, or her boyfriend, or ......

And so.
Be present, thankful and content.
Yes.

She is young only this once.
Tomorrow, she is one day older.
Tomorrow, today's moment has passed.

Today's Checkup

A combination of drinking less water and eating a lot more chocolate KitKat and Chips Ahoy cookies and drinking more NutriTea beverages has led to me having a higher level of sugar in my urine.

As evidenced by my health checkup today at the gynae's. 

My sugar level is usually pristine, as is my blood pressure. 

Anyway, the gynae waved off the results with a nonchalant hand but the nurse told me to drink more water. 

Note to self: 

Cut down on the Chips Ahoy chocolate cookies and the KitKat!

Drink less NutriTea! (For this I blame K for introducing their beverage products to me lol) 

Proud Mama

Little baby suddenly started mouthing off a whole string of words a few nights ago. And then I realised...those were the lyrics of "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star". She recited the entire song!

Ok, so she was relatively out of tune and she mangled up some words......But still! She recited the entire song!

Proud of her....

So, at 21 months:

• She can rote-count from 1 to 10
• She can recite the full lyrics of Twinkle Twinkle Little Star
• And fill in the lyrics to some other nursery songs and rhymes like Humpty Dumpty, The Wheels on the Bus, Row Your Boat, Old MacDonald, etc...
• She can speak in 3 or 4-word sentences...
• She pretty much understands what we are saying most of the time
• Her active word usage seems to be in the 80-100 word range now
• She can say her "please" and "thank yous", although she needs to be prompted to do so 
• While she's not so keen on the alphabet, she can fill in some of the blanks when we sing the song for her 

I don't know if this is considered progressing normally or what.
I'm just happy she's learning and progressing! :)

Feeling

A little frustrated and restless.

Many things to do and consider and plan. And errands to run. And yet I don't feel like doing anything. 

Can't put a finger on it. 

Doesn't help that I am getting the "restless leg syndrome" quite often these days. It gets uncomfortable and irksome. A creepy-crawly niggling sensation in my upper arms, deep within the bones and muscles. It's hard to describe. Stretching helps alleviate the sensations for only a short while before they start again. 

Badly need a haircut. Horrible split ends. And it's reaching my lower back. Need to chop it before Peanut arrives. I've been trying to find the chance to. 

Been having nightmares and other unpleasant dreams over the last couple of nights as well. Even though Little Baby miraculously slept through last night, I feel as if I've only had snippets of rest. I don't remember any of the dreams. Except one involved a whole bunch of Rohingyas, the ostracised race and culture which has been in the news recently. And another dream had myself featured in it. I was a bad-ass in it. With a hugeass tribal tattoo covering my left shoulder. (like ???!!)

Need to do this and that and make sure things are settled soon. 

Too many things floating around in my mind. It's getting convoluted and disorganized. 

Many I should sit myself down and write it all down. 

To do up a to-do list is on my to-do list. 

Makes sense? 

是有那么一点点pek chek. 

Suck thumb. 

Try my best. 

Whatever. 

Ganbatte.

Yes, jiayou!

Local Youtubers

This is probably something few of my friends are in touch with. Or maybe I am just making an assumption. :)

I am loving our local youtubing scene these days. Getting quite vibrant and creative. Check these people out if you have the chance to....

Night Owl Cinematics
Wah Bananas
Eden Ang
Tosh Zhang
TreePotatoes
Gentle Bones (his songs are really good...and I only just discovered him...)

and the list goes on...

Once you start on a channel...you start to realise they are actually a pretty close-knit group supporting each other....and then you find out that there's more and more of them....

Some individuals in the above organisations have their own individual channels which are pretty good too....

A Poem. Of Sorts.

Prata craving.
Prata craving.
Prata craving.

Chips Ahoy craving.
Chips Ahoy craving.
Chips Ahoy craving.

Shepherd's pie craving.
Shepherd's pie craving.
Shepherd's pie craving.

嘴巴痒
嘴巴痒
嘴巴痒

Ed the Buddy

I've known Ed since 1999 when we were were freshmen in uni. Somehow we ended up in the same hostel. Somehow we clicked. Somehow we ended up in the same 1st year business tutorial classes. Somehow we both ended up majoring in Marketing. And somehow we ended up being Final Year Project mates.

A lot of somehows haha. Fated to be friends I guess.

I remember the time he accompanied me in a campus security car to identify some Bangladeshi worker from a lineup of suspects. That worker had flashed at me twice on separate occasions. -_-''

I remember the times when we skipped lectures to sip milo in the school canteen.

I remember all the times I was his Aunt Agony. For all his relationship woes and tribulations. Till now actually hahaha.

We didn't keep in touch frequently after we graduated but our friendship was one that was strong enough to withstand long periods of non-communication haha. He spent 4 years working overseas and we hardly communicated during that time. Yet we are still good friends now.

We've even more in common now that his son is just 6 weeks younger than Little Baby.

He popped by my office for lunch earlier on and I had a good 2hour lunch with him. Going over things like kids and jobs, to parents and in-laws and cultural differences (his wife is non-local).

Thankful for having him as a friend. :)
One of those friends where things just pick from where we left off previously without missing a single beat.

Where did the time go?

Someone asked me this morning when I was going to start my maternity leave.
I replied that it should be around mid-September.

And then it hit me.

Damn, that's only like 2months and a week more to go....

OMG.

Only 8-9 weeks left to start of ML and maybe 10-11 weeks left before delivery.

ZOMG.

Open Letter 2

Dear Peanut,

Till now we are still not 100% sure you are a girl. It's an 80% chance and we were sticking with that till recently when some aunties seemed so sure that you were a boy based on the shape of Mama's tummy.

Girl or boy. I just want you to know that Mama and Dada love you loads.

You were growing fast in the initial months and seemed to have slowed down later on. Recently though, you seem to have picked up pace again. Mama really feels quite stretched and bloated now even though there is slightly less than 3 more months to go. Mama is also becoming more clumsy and walking into door frames and such.

You are an active kicker like your jie jie. Mama hopes you will cooperate abit more though....and not kick or punch or attempt any pugilistic moves when Mama is sleeping or trying to get to sleep.

Please grow well sayang.
Till here for now.....


Love,
Mama

Open Letter

Dear Little Baby,

Mama is very sorry to put you through this. It breaks our hearts to see you cry and struggle. We have no choice but to hold you down and give you your medication. Otherwise how would you get better?

We really hope that you could take your medication like how you used to - one big gulp from the teaspoon. And that's it, one simple mouthful followed by water to cleanse your palate.....

Mama really hopes that you will get well quickly. Let's jiayou together ok....


We love you.....
Mama

Midnight thoughts

If you can't be at your most honest and truest even in front of your closest, then what gives? 

Words. Depends on how you use them. They can be a salve but they can also cut you deep. Different words can still convey the same meaning and deliver the same intent. 

It's late. Unsettled. Tired and somewhat still a little sick. But unable to fall asleep as easily as other days. 

Bite the bullet. 

Oh there you go, found a neutral phrase.

Rivulets

... ... ... ...

Packing time

Packing her older clothes away again. Those that she has outgrown over the last 6months. I've never had the time to do it till now when I'm on MC.

*sniff* 

Her socks used to be so small! And her undies were so tiny! And and and ....

:( 

Little baby you are growing up too fast...

Upset

Does it bother me that people don't think I'm trying my best?
Of course it does.
Because it undermines my efforts.

Does it bother me that people think I am pulling a fast one?
Of course it does.
Because it invalidates me.

Shouldn't it suffice that I know myself that I am doing what I can?
Perhaps it should.
But it does get to me still.

======
Still, I will only allow myself to mope over this for a short while.
Then I'll bury it somewhere.

Might not be a good idea to sweep it under the carpet.
Dust balls can and do grow organically over time.

But it will suffice for now.
For I do not have the energy and strength to deal with it now.

tuesday morning snippets

3 to 4 consecutive nights of crankiness, grouchiness and constant waking.
I have already not been performing at my best at work....It's no wonder I am even more lacking now.

Totally zombiefied. All I wanna do is to curl up in bed and sleep for 6 or 7 hours straight.

==========
I hope N gets well soon. And that her fever breaks and stays away permanently.

I hope her nose clears up quickly. The mucus seems to be perpetually flowing non-stop. Thick and viscous at times, watery at other times.

I hope her phelghmy cough clears up when her nose clears up. 

I hope...I hope...I hope.

==========
心酸 again this morning.

I had to leave for work. I passed her to K. She didn't like it and started bawling and screaming and calling out for "MAMA!! MAMA MAMA!!!!!"

That red sweaty, snot and tear-stained face...:( Hair plastered to her forehead, eyes and face squished and contorted from crying.

Sigh...

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Jiayou to K....

Jiayou to Little Baby....

Jiayou to me....

Heartbreak

Is when your daughter is screaming and crying for you in her father's arms. She's red-faced with tears and snot on her face. And you have to walk ahead and away from her and wave goodbye without even giving her a kiss and a hug.

Brought her to the PD this morning. K is on leave and will watch over her at home. I need to clear stuff and will need to be in office. 

And that's how it ended. Mama leaving and only giving the girl a big goodbye wave....while the girl is crying her lungs out....

:((((

Upsetting. 

i spy

It's cute really.
When you observe people who are by themselves in a restaurant or on public transport.

They naturally take out their mobile phones and start fiddling with it.
Probably either SMS-ing or Whatsapping someone else.
Or surfing Facebook.
Or taking a selfie.
Or reading other articles.
Or....
The list is endless.

What's interesting is the expressions they have on their faces.

From drone-like, stoned or spaced out looks to serious and stoic expressions to dopey grins to flat-out big smiles stretching from ear to ear. Haha.

I especially like watching those folks with dopey grins or silly smiles. 
It makes you want to smile yourself.
And it does bring a sense of happiness to you too knowing that that person is feeling happy.


I hope I am not sounding like a pervert staring or sneakily observing others.
Haha. :)

July TV galore

Looking forward to July for 2 simple reasons:

1. The Journey's 3rd instalment "The Journey: Our Homeland" will be shown on Channel 8.

2. Voice of China Season 4 will start! Jay Chou, Na Ying, Wang Feng and Harlem Yu will be the judges this season. Totally looking forward to seeing Jay Chou and Harlem Yu!

zzzzz. again...

Zombiefied.
Little Baby woke at least 5-6 times last night. I hope she's fine and I hope that she's not coming down with something. She eventually woke this morning in an extremely cranky state.

Wonder if we overloaded her senses yesterday by bringing her out twice? Hmm, I don't think it's because of that though. 

Meanwhile, I am tired. Tummy is not doing too good these few days as well. Crampy and having indigestion and some heartburn. I hope I can concentrate long enough on the tasks I set for myself today. Going through some policy documents....heavy and dry stuff....ganbatte.

I hope Little Baby sleeps better tonight......ganbatte little girl...

Zzzzzzzz

It's 240am. Peanut is wide awake and so is Mama. :(

Peanut thinks it's time for exercise and stretching. :( 

Mama just wants to go back to lala land. 

counting down??

K mentioned that it's only 3 more months to go.

Shit, I didn't realise that. And now I am getting the jitters. It's not my first time but it doesn't make it any easier.

*scared scared*

Lunchie

Had a lovely lunch with Chloe today. Picked up from where we left off in September 2012 when we last had a one-to-one meal together.

Grateful for friends like these, where conversation can be easily and comfortably picked up again, despite a long hiatus in between. Love this girl. :)

We were at Harry's and the poor girl spilled curried lamb shank gravy on her white blouse and grey shorts...Kudos to the male manage on duty who spotted the incident and brought over soda water and napkins for her to try to remove the stain.

She texted me afterwards to say that she smelt of curry haha...

 

Conversations with a 20-month old

Since she was several months younger, we taught her to say "please" if she wants something or asks for something. She's been on a roll recently and we decided to teach her some more things. We taught her to attach a person's name after the "please" and also to say "thank you" when she receives something from someone. Glad to see that she is picking it up real fast.....

This morning's conversation:

N: *blabber blabber* bed bed!  (which means she wants to get on our bed and needs help doing so)
Me: what must you say?
N: peesh!  (her word for "please")
N: mama!
Me: Ok...(lifts her up onto our bed)
Me: Mama helped you get up already. what must you say now?
N: Too Too!  (her word for "thank you")
Me: Good girl!

Planning breaks

Trying to plan when I can slot in some days of leave for a break.

Next week seems a good chance: Wed & Thurs going for medical checkups and Friday I will probably take MC from the gynae so I can get a breather and stone at home.(And I don't need to touch my leave at all heh)

Trying to plan when a staycation is possible as well. We initially wanted to do it over the Fathers' Day weekend but with our own families' Fathers' Day dinners, it seemed that weekend was not a good idea....Maybe end of the month instead? Or in early July?

I also need time to......

• go cut hair
• get trained for and take the online employers' test for hiring of a helper
• plan what else is needed to be bought or prepared for Peanut's arrival
• clear up that organically growing pile of boxes and other stuff in the corner of our bedroom
• rest myself (and maybe indulge in some pizza or pasta cooking...)

:)

Thank you Little Baby

Thank you Little Baby.

For showing Mama the little things in life that Mama would otherwise have not noticed.

That aeroplane in the sky, just a little shape against the blue backdrop, seemingly only an inch long to the naked eye. Moving ever so slowly but steadily across the sky and in and amongst the clouds. I had not even noticed before, and neither did K, in all the 10-over months we have been staying in our home, that we can actually see commercial aeroplanes flying in the distance at regular intervals, right across my bedroom windows.

That cheh-cheh sleeping in her father's arms, her tired head resting on his shoulder, her arms hanging limply by her sides. We were driving past them when Little Baby saw her and pointed her out to me.

That little ant crawling on the kitchen counter.

That two black mynahs by the roadside, hopping and pecking about in the grass. We would have driven right past it without giving a second look.

That piece of dried leaf on the ground which was fluttering about in the breeze.




Thank you Little Baby. Again.

For showing Mama that the simplest of things can bring much joy.

Drinking water when you're thirsty.

Running around in circles.

Having a blanket over your head.

Wearing shoes bigger than your feet. (And attempting to walk in them)

Giving a big sneeze.

Eating cheese sandwich.

Picking raisins off a raisin loaf.

Giving hugs.

Holding hands.

Jumping.

Rolling in bed.

............

.........

.....

...

Worry-wart

The bigger Little Baby gets, the more I am aware that I am getting older.
The older I get, the more I am aware that my parents are also getting on in years.

My Dad is turning 73 this November.

When I found out that he was going to attend the SEA Games Opening Ceremony together with my brother on Friday evening and that they were taking public transport there, I got worried and many questions flooded my mind.

Would he be able to withstand the (possibly) long hours of walking or queueing to get into the stadium?
Tens of thousands of people would be there, would it get too chaotic/warm/humid for him?
Transport to the venue shouldn't be an issue, but the transport home? Would he have trouble getting out of the stadium? Would he have trouble getting a seat on the train? Would he get too tired and breathless?
What if it was already very late by the time he got out of the stadium? Would he have to stand and wait very long to get onto a train?


I am a worry-wart. My mother as well.
I remember exchanging texts with my mother on the above questions.
Mother and daughter with furrowed brows.

At the end of the day......our worries were for naught....

Dad not only enjoyed himself alot. But he got home at 11:15pm, way earlier than I expected. He even managed a 3km walk with Adrian from the stadium to the Kallang MRT station instead of taking the train at Stadium MRT station on the Circle line, because he figured it would make more sense to take a straight train home than have to change trains somewhere along the Circle Line.

Ah, my Dad....ever young at heart. Ever energetic and excited.
An avid sportsman in his youth. I am glad to see his enthusiasm and adrenaline still going strong after all these years.

Auspicious year of the Goat?

This year seems pretty auspicious?

3 of K's close friends are getting married or planning their marriage.
1 of my close friends just got married.
Another of my close friends will be getting married in 2 months' time.

These are folks who have either been single for a long time or whom us close friends have been mildly concerned about.

And then suddenly they are getting married left, right and centre. Haha.

Happy for them!

Offering help

I did it again.

It was raining this morning, a heavy drizzle, when I got off my bus and walked to my office building. When I stopped at a traffic junction, everyone else there had their own umbrellas, except one Indian man. He was wearing a Fujitec polo T-shirt and I assumed he was working for them, perhaps as an engineer or technician.

I noticed him and wanted to offer to shelter him under my umbrella, at least for that one or two minutes while waiting for the green man to come on so we could all cross the road.

I hesitated, unsure of how to approach the man. I took a step towards him and hesitated somemore.
I sort of chickened out and by the time I came to that conclusion, the green man had already come on and the man was already preparing to run across the junction.

So there, I chickened out again. Not the first time this has happened, probably the second or third time and I still can't find the guts to approach someone to offer help.

Is it the way I was brought up? The way I was taught to mind my own business?
Is it my own personality? That shyness and hesitance and timidness?

How to have personal breakthroughs when I hold myself back and am so timid?

K would have probably said to me "Just do it."

Lunch Dates

Looking forward to my  lunch dates in the coming weeks! :)
Catching up is always nice.

TH just jioed me for lunch next week. Initiated by him for a "catch-up" session....I sense gossip and a complaint session coming up hahaha....Nevetheless I'm still happy and excited to meet him.

And I'm having lunch with Chloe the week after next. It'll be the first time I'm seeing her since our last meal 1.5years ago! Looking forward! I told her she would have to update me on EVERYTHING that has happened in the last 1.5years haha.

So so forgetful these days

Went downstairs from the office to the 7-11 store to buy bread and had originally intended to withdraw some cash from the ATM next door.

After buying bread, my feet promptly brought me back up to the office.

Only when I sat down did I realise I'd forgotten to draw money....

So so forgetful these days....

Food Glorious Food

K and I love our food. And we definitely hope to transfer some, if not most of that love for food, to Little Baby.

She is unfortunately cutting her teeth quite late. She has only 6 teeth now, at the age of almost 20 months. While she is able to chew with her gums, she is rejecting all types of meat and fish when she is eating outside of school. Her teacher says she is probably eating these things in school because of peer pressure. The rest of the other kids eat their meat and fish and hence she does so as well.

But she spits them out when they are given to her outside of school. Bleah.

Anyway, we make do with other types of food...and I've been racking my brains out about what to feed her so that she at least gets enough nutrition for growth and development. Glad to say I've so far survived several months or cooking various types of food for her....

Ranging from rice with various soups or stews....to pasta with homemade minestrone....to linguine with chicken soup...to fried rice....to fried noodles....to mee sua with vegetable and pork stew....

I am happy with all of my soups and stews and I am also very happy that she likes them too. Vegetable stews of various combinations, beancurd skin/tofu/egg soups, chicken soups, winter melon soups, tomato soups, you name it....

I am fast running out of ideas though for what other meals I can make....googling hasn't helped much.

She doesn't seem to like mashed potato so shepherd's pie is out....I hope to try macaroni and cheese soon....

Maybe I should explore pizza? Since she likes tomato-stuff.....

Hmm........

Oh well...

The other day, both senior and junior ultrasound technicians said there's an 80% chance Peanut is a girl.

When some colleagues subsequently ask me about Peanut's gender, I tell them the same news I received. I am not prepared for their reactions though.

90% of the reactions I get are either (i) disappointed looks, (ii) concerned looks followed by people asking if I am ok, or (iii) an outright "aiyah wasted!".And then all will finish up by saying something like.....ok lah, girl is also good, will be filial, anyway can try again.

I'm like ??!!

While having a girl and a boy makes a nice balance, I am equally happy having another girl. It is my child as well, borne out of me, a companion and best friend for Nadya, and a priceless result of the union between K and I, our flesh and blood.

I am somewhat a little indignant as well.

Who are you to give such a reaction straight in my face? Who are you to determine if I should prefer a boy or a girl for my second child? And who are you to assume that I wanted a boy?

By all these reactions, it seems to be like as if people still prefer having a boy compared to a girl?

pfffftttt.

apology

Sorry Baby...for causing your left big toe to bleed on Monday night. :(

我不是故意的! 

laments

It does get a tad frustrating when other care-givers of your child don't give a hoot about what you say or the disciplinary boundaries you try to impose, or the preferences you have for the way your child should be brought up.

Stop short of picking a fight (which I won't do anyway since I'm of a non-confrontational nature)...I'll just close an eye and kan4 kai1....

Yes, must kan4 kai1 more...else I'll turn into a bitter old hag and life will be miserable.
Should also remind myself that they have given us alot of help as well....