Quiet moments - part two

I've not had as much time for bonding with Peanut as I would like. Partly because I know I should be resting more now when the confinement nanny is still around. And partly also because she is still sleeping like 90% of the time. 

I try to breastfeed her directly when I can. And I treasure such quiet moments.

Holding her in my arms with her head nestled in the crook of my elbow. Stroking her small round head full of soft downy hair. Breathing in her heady newborn scent. Taking in the feel of her velvety skin. 

I love how she gives out mewing sounds. So utterly endearing. I don't recall Little Baby mewing so much last time. 

I love how she stretches her arm and arches her back. Stretch more darling! You'll grow faster. According to all the nannies I've spoken to so far, stretching and arching of the back helps the baby grow faster physically. 

To be honest, it took me several days before I felt some bond with Little Baby last time when she was born. This time round with Peanut I felt it earlier, much earlier. 

I don't know. It could be that I am a second-time mum. It could also be that I know in my heart that this is my last pregnancy and this is the final baby that I will ever have to hold in my arms and call mine. Maybe, subconsciously, my mind knows that I need to treasure every possible moment with Peanut when she's still small for I won't get to experience it ever again...

Smiling in her sleep. Maybe her guardian angel just gave her a kiss. 

She seems to feel better sleeping with one of her arms out and not swaddled up. 

Quiet moments

I put Little Baby to sleep tonight. She wanted me to be with her. So I sat in her bed and hummed the song "This Old Man" softly in repeat mode. I stroked her hair while humming. She burrowed her head against my thigh. 

The lights were off and only the faint light coming from the neighbour's house opposite us illuminated her room. 

I love moments like these. Quiet moments. Just me and her. 

There was a special moment when she reached out a small pudgy hand and patted my thigh. The same thigh she was burrowed against. My heart melted. I felt loved. 

She fell asleep pretty quickly and lapsed into a steady deep breathing rhythm. I could have upped and gone back to my room at that point. 

But I lingered. I stayed for awhile longer. To savour the private time with her. 

Cheesy as it may sound, my heart was brimming with so much love for her I felt abit overwhelmed. 

Everyday, Mama misses the you of yesterday and looks forward to the you of tomorrow. 

Grow well little one. But don't grow too fast too......

Post-partum

It is 10pm now on the 1st of October. I gave up and took a warm shower about 45mins ago. Didn't wash my hair though. Will leave that for tomorrow. 

Chinese traditions dictate that  women in confinement are not supposed to bathe for the entire 30days of confinement. Some people follow the really traditional confinement period of 40days. I cannot imagine not bathing for that long an amount of time. Just a few days in this humid weather and I am getting a whole lot of rashes already. And actually, since I've been home, I've spent more than half my time holed up in my room with the aircon switched on. 

Anyway, I digressed. 

After my shower, I stood naked in front of the mirror. I look....what's the appropriate word to use? Sigh...

Post-partum.

Size

Still looking like I'm 6 or 7 months pregnant. Definitely bigger than after I delivered Little Baby back in 2013. Still looking pudgy and bloated. Cellulite seems to have found a home at the back of my thighs. My mum grabbed my thigh 2 days ago and quipped "still quite big." FML. 

With the amount of great tasting food (read: hard to resist) the confinement nanny is stuffing into me, doubt I'll lose weight anytime soon. Noticed too that I am getting hungry pretty easily. Perhaps due to my body producing milk...I don't know. 

Discolourations

The linea nigra dark lines and discolored patches of skin are still around. If my experience in 2013 is anything to go by, these discolourations take several months to go away fully. :( Don't like. 

The wound

The area around my Csec wound is still a little swollen. The Gynae vey kindly trimmed off my old scar during the op itself. I hope no scar tissue forms this time round. 

Milk

My milk supply came pretty quickly this time round. I got engorged on day 4 after delivery. Hope the supply maintains and hope it increases quickly too so I can ply Peanut with my milk to flush out her jaundice. I am not producing enough to match what she needs though. Supplementing with formula milk. 

Rashes 

Having them again. Same situation as back in 2013. Wore compression socks during the whole stay in hospital and the skin on my legs got quite sensitive after that. The night after I stopped wearing the compression socks, I was scratching non-stop behind my knees. Hope it clears away soon.

Water retention

I think I am having water retention. Worse than when I was pregnant. Perhaps I am not drinking enough water, perhaps I am drinking too much longan red date tea made by the confinement lady. My feet are slightly swollen. And I get a tingling feeling or slight aches in my feet from time to time. Ok, I shall resolve to drink more water. Heck what the confinement lady says. 

Home sweet home

It was home sweet home for me yesterday and for Peanut today...

It is 11 now and K has gone to the hospital to get her. What a relief it was to receive the hospital's call informing me that she could be discharged today. 

It is a little unfortunate though, that the haze is pretty bad. We have switched on the air purifier in Peanut's room and will leave the aircon on in there today. No choice. She's still too young to be breathing this air now...if adults are getting scratchy throats and teary eyes and runny noses....I worry for her. 

Both a relief and a worry that she is coming home haha. 

Mostly happiness though. My littlest baby is coming home very soon! 

Of boobs and milk

Just went through a marathon seesion with the aid of 2 nurses, one after the other. 

1 hour 15mins. 

Of painful massaging, manual squeezing and then machine pumping. I felt winded at one point when the nurse manually squeezed me. And yes I felt like a cow. 

My boobies were engorged. 

With all the effort, we managed to collect 20ml of breastmilk. Rather good for only the 4th day after delivery. 

But still below whatever Peanut needs right now to clear her of her jaundice. 

Not looking forward to 3hrs later. The nurse said I would need to massage and pump again later. And that engorgement takes around 24hours to clear. 

Zzzzzzzz

The kiddos

Missing Nadya badly. 

Missing Alyssa too. 

She's brought away to undergo phototherapy. And as such I'm staying a day more in hospital. A day more away from Nadya. 

Nvm...tahan...have to. Need to. 

2 kids - double the love, double the worries lol. 

Someday

Someday this little hand will grow bigger.

Someday these fingers will grow longer.

Someday this little hand will support my hand instead.

Day 3 of Peanut's Birth

Things are not as chaotic and haphazard as the first day. And I can truly say that I do enjoy the food and meals that are served to me. Pretty good actually. 

The nurses have been more than helpful, some more than others but generally all nice ladies. 

Peanut is doing alright and latching on me for long periods. I am still sore as a result. 

I am walking more. Forced myself to. Had another bout of physiotherapy and I'm glad I got a good one today. She was firm and knew what she was doing. Went to the washroom on my own earlier on. Achievement unlocked! :) 

The wound's still painful and I am still on painkillers. Not getting off them till at least a week plus later I think. 

Peanut is looking a little jaundiced. Hope she remains below the threshold level, otherwise she would need phototherapy. 

My appetite has improved tremendously today. I keep feeling like I am hungry. K bought quite a lot of buns and stuff for me in the afternoon and I initially thought they would last me till the middle of the night or even tomorrow morning. Erm, I finished them all before 1130pm this evening. Heh. 

Still looking pale...in slightly better spirits. But still as tired haha. 

月亮圆又圆

A little disappointed that I couldn't bring Nadya out for a walk this evening, the eve of the Mid-Autumn Festival. 

Last year we didn't walk around as well because she was unwell if I remember correctly. 

I'd gotten her a lovely Hello Kitty lantern this year which she initially loved but then grew bored of...zzz. 

Anyway, next year then. 

And anyway, we have Xmas to look forward to. :))

For now

Some peaceful moments before the humdrum of the day begins...it is 745am. 

It was a tough first half of the long night. The nurse gave in, like wtf after 5-6hrs of trying on my part to nurse, and agreed to top-up some formula milk for Peanut, who was still bawling hungrily at that hour. She was wheeled off at 230am and I finally could have some 3hrs of sleep. 

It is 745am now. I've already had my BP taken twice. Latched her for a short 15/20mins before she fell asleep and refused to latch further. 

And I've also had myself checked by 2 junior doctors, who clinically informed me that my "uterus has contracted". 

Um ok, right. I'm actually more concerned about the ache below my ribcage, I started. And the sore nipples, and the pain I feel in my wound area. And the....I went on. Oh it is "likely some musculoskeletal issue or the way you are lying down" they went....we will issue you some nipple cream. The senior registrar will be here later. And then they scampered off. 

Pshaw. They should have sent over more senior people in the first place who can answer my questions. Pffft.

Anyway, some peaceful moments for now. 

Little Baby will be coming to see Mama and meimei later this morning. Looking forward to seeing her. Missing her much. 

Sleeping soundly for now....

Shack, pale and zzzzz. 

Knn

Literally. In blood, sweat and tears. 

Latched from: 

8-830pm  left boob

850-950pm  right boob

1045-1110pm  left boob 

1245am-115am  right boob

Tired and sore. Aching and tearing. 

I thought the second kid was supposed to be easier?????!!!!  

Ppffffttttttt

Need to vent. 

Fuck this shit.

The pain. The panting. The breathlessness. The shuffling. The tenderness. The soreness. The sudden sharp pain that makes you gasp. The not knowing what time is it. The 'not daring to drink too much cos you don't want to spend half an hour making a trip to the toilet'. The weariness. The resignation. The fear. The lack of rest. The 'what the hell possessed me to go through this shit all over again' feeling. 

Is it only Day 2? 

Yes fine, I'm a weakling. 

/@&$7$>{^{*<¥}€{*]<|~?|!?!:@:((( 

Pain and painkillers

The regional epidural wore off pretty quickly this time round. 

Within 2 hours from when I was first given the shot, I could wriggle some of the toes on my right foot. And within 3 hours, I could feel the initial throbs of pain and discomfort from my contracting uterus and from where they cut me open to take Peanut out.

Within 4 hours I was breathless and panting from the increasing pain and requested for painkillers. For some reason, the pharmacists took extremely long to verify the type of painkiller I was to be given and I only managed to get my painkiller jab at 315pm, 5 hours after the initial epidural jab. 

By then I was holding the bed rails and not talking. If I had to speak, it would be in short huffs and puffs and in some sort of a whisper. 

This was what I was dreading the most. 

The aftermath. And the slow recovery process. 

Jiayou to me. 

Oh yes...

Oh, and for the record, Peanut's official name would be Alyssa. :) 

Meaning joy and happiness in Hebrew and noble in Getman, French and English. 

Chinese and dialect names are pending the fengshui master's expert advice. Akan datang. 

Peanut is here!

And so, we are four now. A family of four. 

Peanut arrived at 10:45am on 24 September 2015, Thursday, barely 30mins after I was given my regional epidural shot and roughly 45mins after I was wheeled to the operating theatre from my room in the ward. 

My first thought when I felt the baby being pushed and yanked out from my belly? 

"She sounds like a duck." 

Her wails resembled a duck's quack I kid you not. And yes, she's a screamer like her older sister. In fact, I think her lungs are stronger than her older sister's. 

They have the same hair at birth. Thick, black, waxy and oh so wavy...if Little Baby's hair sets a precedence of what is to come, then it means that by the age of 12-15months, 95% of Peanut's curls and waves would have disappeared. It'll be a waste I think. 

Peanut turned out to be a bigger baby. Gynae had predicted that she would be a small one like her older sister but...to her credit, she ended up being more than 3kg. 3.065kg to be exact. More than 300grams heavier than Little Baby. She measured 48cm at birth, just 1cm longer than Little Baby last time. 

Peanut had an extra piece of skin hanging from her left thumb. A "skin tag" is the official term for it. A narrow strip of skin with a knob of what resembles a ball of blood clot at the end of that string of skin. 

The paediatrician said the entire string of ball and skin would drop off on its own soon and that there would be no need to trim or snip that strip it off. And the PD also explained that the skin tag was likely an extra thumb that was not eventually formed. 

Gosh.

Anyway, I'm just glad that she has a full set of 10 fingers and toes where they are supposed to be. 

During our skin to skin contact nd bonding time, Peanut appeared to be rather content and comfortable to be on my chest. Naked, sticky and covered by numerous warm blankets, she fell asleep pretty quickly on my chest and bawled angrily when the midwife shifted her so that her mouth could be placed near my boob to encourage latching. 

She's a natural latcher like her older sister. I'm glad for it makes for easier breastfeeding. Only thing is...I only saw her for that hour of bonding time. 

She was then whisked off to a high dependency baby nursery due to low blood sugar levels, which could affect brain development. So she was being kept there for further observation. She seems to be doing better already and would likely be "returned" back to my room on Friday morning. 

While I miss having her with me, I think I appreciate more the opportunity to be sleeping peacefully tonight. Lol. I could do without bonding with her tonight I guess. Many a sleepless night filled with cries and milk and pee and poo looms ahead. 

We are stopping at two. 

Partly due to my age, and partly due to my health reasons. Even the gynae advised us to be content with 2 kiddos. 

I told myself to fully treasure Peanut's growth and developments going forward. And of course to love and appreciate Little Baby's progresses and achievements too. 

The plug

I've had a plug in me more times than I can remember. Well, definitely more than the fingers on my right hand. 

I've had it on both right and left hands, on the wrist, on the back of the hand and on the side of the wrist. 

This time round it's on the right hand, on the side of the wrist and done by a young man named Jeremy who seemed too nervous and young for my liking. He did not tell me to take a deep breath when he inserted the tube. I did it on my own, drawing from past experience. 

He took 5 vials of blood to run tests. I don't recall having so much taken from me during the previous delivery. :(( 

He then taped the plug in place. Didn't do that tidy a job I think. 

My wrist hurts a little now. :(  Hope it won't be too sore when the plug is eventually removed. I don't like it on my right hand. My master hand. Means I have to remind myself not to use or rely on that hand too much. 

Time check = 115am. 

F.O.O.D

It's the realisation of not being able to eat many things in the next few weeks that causes you to have cravings.....currently on my mind are....

- Hokkien mee 

- Char kway teow (have not had this for AGES)

- Chye tow kueh (both white and black ones!)

- Nonya bakzhang

- Fried beehoon with eggs

- My mum's fried rice

- BBQ chicken wings

- Simple tomato-based pasta 

- Chicken rice 

Ohm

In the words of Michael Jackson.....This is it!

K and I spent 2.5hrs waiting for admission. Worth the wait though. For we managed to get a private room. 

He has since gone home to look after N. 

It's 645pm now. Feeling kinda alone now. Good and bad. Having some me time but at the same time wanting some assuring company. Lol. Dilemma. 

I have no idea yet when the csec will be tomorrow. That is scary. It is like as if I can whisked off anytime to the OT. 

Trying to calm myself a little. The jitters are here on and off...as you can tell from my staccato disjointed writing. 

Day 0

Wearing unglam flip flops to the hospital...

Note to self: 

Need to buy nicer looking sandals or slippers to replace those I threw away...

Mama

Just saw this on FB: 

Mama: the glue that holds everything together even when she feels like she may fall apart. 

Loving it. 

Love my mum too. 

K is overseas these 2-3 days and so in this critical time, my mum came over to stay with me. :) 

The little girl has been relatively excited to have her Popo stay over. When she usually falls asleep at or around 9pm, she has been only falling asleep at 1015-1030 these 2 nights. I figure tomorrow night will be the same thing again lol. 

She now asks for Popo to be around during bedtime. My mum, who was lying in my bed earlier tonight, had to pretend to be asleep before the little girl finally gave up and agreed to go back to her own bed. 

Little (not so little?)

Little Baby is just about to turn 2 only. 

Yet, many people think she's 3 years old. Whether they meet her in person and interact with her or whether they have only seen her pictures. They all think she's 3 years old lol. 

Maybe it's the hair that makes her look more mature? She is of average height and size so I don't think those are the factors here. Hmm. 

Jiayou

I felt giddy and faint earlier today. It was late morning before lunch and my lips turned pale. I was scaring myself actually. I decided that it was probably because I didn't have enough food in me and also the humid weather. 

I sought my helper's assistance to bring lunch to me and I ate in bed. Scoffed down my rice and soup and then proceeded to concuss....for the next 4 hours. 

I'd woken up several times in between. Once due to N's teacher calling me and the rest of the time because I was alternating between feeling cold and feeling warm and switching on and off the aircon. 

When I finally woke at 430pm, I only felt slightly better. But at least I didn't have such pale lips anymore. I had heartburn though because I'd gone straight to lying down after my lunch, and as a result the food wasn't digesting properly. 

K is down with fever. I hope we hang in there. Just a week to go before I deliver. Praying to God that I keep well during these last few days...

Jiayou....

Incompetent fool

Strong words. But yes, I muttered them under my breath earlier. I was quite irritated. 

I'd gone to bed at 9pm because I wasn't feeling well. Only to be woken at 930pm by a call, from a banquet manager from a certain R_ _ _ _ _ _ z _ _ _ _ s Hotel. I am currently looking for a venue to host Peanut's manyue celebration and had written to them seeking a quote. 

So this guy called, identified himself and proceeded to tell me that I'd given him the wrong email address and as such he couldn't send me his quotation. 

Hello? Which planet are you from? If you managed to read my email enquiry in the first place, it means my email went through to you. Which means you just need to click "reply" to send over your information to me.

What do you mean I gave you the wrong email address?? 

He then insisted on verifying my email address and proceeded to spell it out in full. It reached a point where he realised he made a mistake in "copying and pasting" my email address wrongly, which was why his email bounced back to him. 

Hello? Which planet are you from? You do not call a customer up at 930pm for such a ridiculous issue when you could have double-checked your own work! 

Also, Sales and Marleting 101. You DO NOT call your customer after working hours unless you have been given the mandate and permission to! In this case, I am not even a customer yet, just a potential customer. 

How do you expect me to trust you to do a good job of handling my 80/100 pax event if you can't even handle my email query properly? 

So yes, I muttered those words out of irritation after I ended the call with this guy. 

Am I harsh? Perhaps. I am usually more patient but he caught me in a bad time. And the ridiculousness of his reason for calling grated on me too much. 

And now, thanks to his guy's interruption, I can't get back to sleep. It's been an hour since the call. Argh. 

Home improvement

Not quite how you would expect a home improvement to be but well...

Just did up a small wall in little baby's room. I bought this height measuring sticker and adornments way back in April but never got round to putting it up on her wall. 

Finally did it this morning. And realised that the measuring tape starts only from 65cm...strange. 

Anyway, hope she likes it, what with the dancing elephant, prancing monkey, lion, giraffe and stars. :) 

My small surprise for her. I shall see if I can video her reaction his evening when she comes home. :)))

Voila

3rd completed piece.

This end-product didn't quite touch my heart the way the 2nd piece did though. 

Guilt

There's that feeling of guilt. An awful lot of it. 

That I cannot provide Little Baby with enough comfort in her time of need. She has been cranky and a little unwell recently and had asked for me to carry her. 

I've had to reject her time and again. I could only offer to hug her on the sofa or in a bed or hold her hands...to which she would refuse. 

And the thought that I can't carry her till maybe 2-3 months later (need to let the csec wound heal sufficiently first before I can carry heavy loads) just makes me feel even worse. 

Boo. :( 

I miss the times when she hugs me or pats me or buries her head in my shoulder when I carry her....

Beanie pillows

What do you do when you are too heavy and achy to walk far, and hence can't shop? You go online instead and let your fingers do the browsing. 

Qoo10 has earned a huge pile from me over the last several months/weeks. 

My latest purchase just arrived. Realised I forgot to prepare beansprout pillows for Peanut. And voila...online I went about 6 days ago and ordered 2 pillows. 

2 days ago the pillows arrived...loving the designs...the owl one is pretty cute. 

Trying to sun them first but the haze has blocked out any semblance of the sun from my balconies lol...

That elusive thing

430am. 

After suffering the onslaught of several dipshit mosquitos, feeling the constant kicks of Peanut, and hearing the many (worrying) stirrings of Little Baby through the baby monitor, it is official, I can't get back to sleep. 

Been awake for at least 45mins. And it was a light sleep before that. Forsee a "panda-fied" me tomorrow. 

One last try to get back to sleep. 

Fingers crossed.....

Of rain and the little girl...

There was just a huge clap of thunder. I hope Nadya's not scared. I only wish I was next to her to comfort her if she was feeling afraid. :( But alas, she's not here with me at this moment....:( 

Little baby, mama misses you a lot...:(((((

Little baby

I hope little baby gets well soon. 

The haze must have gotten to her. Came down with fever on Sunday and she's still running abit of a temperature earlier this evening. 

Her appetite's pretty much gone for most of the day. She refused lunch and dinner and her afternoon milk and only took 1/2 a hot cross bun in the morning for breakfast and another 3/4 of a hot cross bun for teabreak at my inlaws'. 

I was elated when she actually finished the entire bottle of milk I made for her at 730pm earlier on. 

She seems to be refusing to take milk at my inlaws' place. Even when she is not unwell. Trying to figure out why. Helper Maryann said a possibility could be that my mother-in-law gives her too many options if she refused her milk. Eh biscuits, cheese, raisin bread, buns, fruits, etc. Hmm, sounds possible an explanation. 

Anyway, I hope little baby sleeps well tonight. K and I only managed to get maybe 3-4 hours of sleep last night....sigh. 

That's life...

Bossy folks will always be bossy folks. 

If you're not in a position to jeopardize relationships, then 就是 (1) minimize interaction, (2) lun and then (3) lun somemore. 

Enough said

I will be strong. 我会努力，会坚强。

Help!!!

Is this called sleep regression? 

Little Baby has been waking up at night and fussing and throwing mega tantrums which last an hour or so. Well, at least for the last few days of this week. She can wake anytime at 11pm or at 1am or in last night's case, 2am. 

She would wake and be relatively calm but it rapidly escalates to a meltdown. Or she would wake and straightaway be so irritable that she goes into a meltdown. 

She would scream, kick and cry. She would reject K, and then call for him several minutes later. She would call for me and many a time she would request to be carried by me. I would have to reject her due to my current state and offer to hold her hand or cuddle her in bed instead. Nothing works to calm her. There was once we gave in and ended up reading storybooks and looking at photos, at 130am in the morning. 

Last night, K and I stood firm and put up a consistent, united front. We did not allow her out of her bedroom. We did not allow her anything save for water, milk and some light food. 

She wanted to "on the light". "No" was the reply. She wanted to "eat raisin bread". No. "See photos". No. "Violet" (a toy). Yes, tomorrow morning. "Gong Gong house" (my parents' place). Yes, tomorrow. "Go outside". Tomorrow. "Raisin bread". Tomorrow. "See photos". Tomorrow. 

Battle of the wills. She was wailing non-stop. Took some breaks here and there but the fussing was pretty much continuous. She lasted 1.5hours before she finally agreed to have some milk and then immediately rolled over and fell asleep. 

I don't know why this is happening. 

Sigh...this is not her usual self...

Both K and I are rather tired out because of her waking up like this...several days in a row. 

Baking time

Things I do when I'm on home leave now preparing myself for Peanut's arrival in 2 weeks' time....

I'm not good at baking. Most things I bake turn out below expectations lol. From brownies to muffins to focaccia bread and chicken pie. 

I think the only thing I can bake is shepherds pie. But that is closer to cooking a normal dish than baking pastries and cakes. 

So anyway, the thought hit me to clear some of the stuff I have in my kitchen and  I ended up baking after lunch. Attempted a small batch of Choc chip and raisin muffins. 

They turned out a little too hard at the top, I think I need to lower my temperature a little. There was not enough oil and not enough sugar too though these are arguable. Maybe the recipe I followed was a healthy option recipe haha. 

But still a better attempt than the previous time I tried making muffins haha. 

Pics for posterity. Gonna let the little girl try one muffin tonight. She's my worst food critic so I'm keeping my fingers crossed lol. 

You can tell the tops are too brown and hard...when they should have been fluffier-looking!

My half-eaten choc chip and raisin muffin. :) 

Colouring

Completed my second piece which was a free flowing visual spanning across 2 pages. A much better effort this time compared to the initial piece. Kept it simple and colour coordinated most of the time without incorporating too many elements and colours. Kept details simple and only did more gradients and shadows. :) Satisfied with this piece. Ok onward to the 3rd piece!

Full piece

Right side

Left side 

Of cooking competitions, the American culture and parenting

I caught an episode of MasterChef Junior Season 3. 

The kids come from different US states and were put together in the competition. The oldest was 13 and the youngest was only 8. They definitely impressed me with their culinary skills. They sautéed, flambe-ed, baked, roasted, caramelised, julienned, chopped, layered, etc...and what have you. They all made pasta from scratch. And pasta sauces from scratch. They made gorgeous desserts of restaurant quality and even presented/plated their dishes beautifully. Puts me to shame man lol. 

But well, culinary skills aside, what struck me most was some of their attitudes and character attributes. 

Most of us know that people in the US can be loud and brash. Many of them, not all but I think many of them, possess a level of confidence way higher than an average Asian person. Some are so confident that other cultures see them as being boastful, arrogant, loud, overbearing and over-the-top. Some cultures feel their heads have gotten too big and that they think too highly of themselves, to the point of being a little delusional and having a superiority complex. Mind you, being self-assured and being confident are two different things. 

So anyway, seeing how some of those children carried themselves and how they spoke on the show, it is apparent that a lot of kids in the US are brought up with this "I am good, better than the rest, I am best!" mentality since young. They are probably encouraged to think the best of themselves, have high self-worth and to be confident. No matter what. 

A 10-year old girl on the show unhesitatingly declared herself a better cook than her parents, even though they were the ones who taught her how to cook. She batted her lids, crossed her arms haughtily and said she would go on to "win this competition since I am the best and because I have been at it (cooking) since I was 4!". It was an irony though, for she was eliminated in the first episode itself. 

I cannot imagine a child from Singapore or maybe Japan or Hong Kong saying the same thing. 

Asians are afterall, more subtle. Humility features high on the values scale and some Asian cultures even favour self-deprecation. 

To me, confidence is a good thing. Quiet confidence that is. Coupled with an understanding and appreciation of the self. "In-your-face" confidence (or over-confidence? Or arrogance?) is too much for me. I'd feel turned off. 

Food for thought. 

I'd want my kids to grow up to be confident and self-assured people. But nothing over-the-top. They still need to stay grounded, be humble and not let things get to their heads.

Then and Now

I was in a sentimental, nostalgic mood last night. I trawled through some of the older photos I was tagged in last time on Facebook. Some from way back in 2007.

岁月不扰人

I looked so much younger even back in 2010 and 2011, a mere 4 or 5 years ago. I looked more refreshed and my eyes were brighter too. I was slimmer then of course haha. But I guess what I had then  also was more vigour and energy, more zest and maybe a generally lighter and happier feel. 

Zip forward to 2015. More eye bags, more wrinkles, duller skin. Time and age has caught up. :) I look more tired in general and more....I don't know how to put it. More mature. More experienced. Less fresh-faced and doe-eyed. And...less happy-go-lucky. 

Maybe motherhood and more responsibilities played a part too. :) 

I was looking at my friends as well, those who happened to be in my photos as well. We've all grown older...no longer the bunch of folks who drink and have the occasional visit to a club together. 

大家都老了几年。比往年多了白发，多了皱纹，多了经验，多了见识。

I wonder how it'll be in the year 2020 when I look back at my current 2015 pictures. :) 

Go Away!

Slightly scratchy throat and itchy eyes.
I'm already breathless from time to time because of the pregnancy. Now there's more stuff in the air that's making it harder to take in deep clean breaths.

Haze ah haze, please go away soon ok...

Feeling tired

I slept from 315-500pm this afternoon. Was doing some colouring till my eyes 不争气 and fell shut on me. 

It's 1030pm now and I am already more than sleepy.

Seems Peanut is zapping away much of my energy today. Belly feels rather stretched and heavier than usual today. Growth spurt? 

2 more weeks. 

Jiayou. 

Laoniang

Laoniang had planned out this entire week's meals already. And even gave herself a pat on the back. 

Laoniang is a smug one.

Until now when Laoniang suddenly realised that Friday is polling day i.e. Little Baby is staying at home cos her school will be closed. Which means Laoniang forgot to plan what to cook for her meals for that day....

Ok Laoniang not so smug now. :((((

Laoniang racking her brains on what to make for the little girl...who is turning out to be a fussy eater. 

(How did she turn out to be a somewhat fussy eater when her parents are foodies ah??)

Dr Chee

I was watching Dr Chee Soon Juan's full speech that he gave on 3 Sept at the SDP rally at Choa Chu Kang.

Charismatic, cheeky at some points, passionate, clear and convincing.

I thought he spoke well. Very well. Better than many other candidates from both the incumbent and other opposition parties. A force to contend with?

Perhaps. Maybe that was why the pants was sued off him by the incumbent all those years ago. Maybe that's why he was incarcerated, not once but several times.

I don't know much about him then and not even now.
I only knew what the media painted of him last time. That he was a mad man, a vile creature who spouted incorrigible untruths about the men in white, and hence, a hot-headed crazy barking man who would be better off locked up and put away. For the good of the people.

Maybe his methods were too radical and in your face at that point in time.
Maybe he was too passionate about his cause. Maybe he tried shoving his ideals down the wrong throats. He certainly ended up with bile, very vile bile, all over him then.
He was made a bankrupt, he was locked up and he had to stay away from the scene for more than a decade.

Maybe time and family has mellowed him down much over the years.
Maybe he has had time to rethink everything. He seems more grounded now.
More restrained. More steady and stable.

I have to give it to him. The passion and fire remains.
To be thrown onto the ground and stomped on. And then to get up, dust yourself off, re-strategise and come back fighting again. It takes alot of guts, gumption, courage, committment and passion.

While I may be a neutral party in terms of Singapore's politics, while I may not be particularly supportive of any party per se, I do wish him well.

Morning thoughts

Some meaningful excerpts from an article that appeared in the Straits Times today.
No need for the entire article to be reproduced here for the crux of the article is captured by the below......

=================
Bad things don't mess you up but how you view them can

"Events do not disturb people - their judgments about them do."

" It is our emotional responses to events, rather than the events themselves, that make us anxious and depressed."

"Healthy thoughts are direct responses to the events themselves. Unhealthy thoughts are focused on your own perceived inadequacy and ill-luck, or the unfairness of life."

"Assume that most times when you feel anxious, depressed or angry, you are not only strongly desiring but also commanding that something go well and that you get what you want."

"Very often, prolonged negative feelings arise not so much because of what does happen, but because we torment ourselves needlessly with thoughts of what should, ought to and must happen.

=================

I need some serious fixing of mindset.

Very often you read these articles, recognise the negative traits mentioned within as what you have as well, and agree wholeheartedly that you need to change...

Recognition and admittance of where you need to improve is one thing. It is the deliberate execution and constant reminder to yourself to follow through with the change that is key I suppose.

Interestingly, motherhood has helped in some ways. But I need to do more....

Om Nom Nom?

At this moment...craving for:

- Cheng ting. Cold. 

- Cha soba. Cold.

- Plain prata. With fish curry.

- Tosted white bread. With salted butter. 

- Filet o'fish. 

But too lazy to make any toasted bread or cha soba though I have them at home. 

Hmm....


Update:
K made toasted bread for me in the end hehe. Thank you baby....
But after I had that piece of buttered toast....I was still feeling restless and needing to munch somemore. But it was late already....I ended up just guzzling some milk and then surfing the Net...lol.

I wish!

Wished I looked as glam as these two preggies....

In reality, I think I am more like this.....

Unkempt hair (in all areas)
Be-spectacled.
Protruding belly (and belly-button) which seems to pop out from my home clothes too often for my liking.
Shorts sliding off my bum because the belly is pushing it way down....
Grouchy pimpled face (ok granted the pic above has a smiley face...I couldn't find a grumpy and pimpled cartoon of a pregnant lady lol).
Darkened skin in some areas.
Dark linea nigra appeared a few weeks ago...


Did I just share too much information?
Bah....don't care....already unglam....I can write unglam stuff in here too....

Voila....last 2.5 weeks....

And so, here I am. 36 weeks along.

It is the 7th of September. A Monday.
I am on 2 weeks official medical leave given by my gynae. Thereafter would be the week of the scheduled csec.

Where did all the time go?? I thought I just peed on the stick and saw the positive sign like what.... yesterday??

I do feel like a whale now. A whale with aches and pains. Neck, shoulder, backside, upper arms, lower back, lower calves, groin, fingers.....you name it.

Trying to clear some remnant work items. Trying to relax at home before D-day comes.
Trying to stay upbeat. Trying to not think about things.

I still feel like a first-time mom.
Sheesh. 

Of Little Baby, parenting and.....panting

Little Baby has been cranky of late. The last 3 days at least.

A small thing would trigger her fussiness and crankiness. Case in point: she has several water bottles. Bring her the "wrong one" when she's in one of her moods and you will trigger a partial meltdown, sometimes a full meltdown.

She has also been waking in the middle of the night screaming and kicking. Night terrors at work? Perhaps. Sometimes her eyes are shut. But eventually she will open them and continue with her antics. There was once when she requested for barley water and cheese. At 130am in the morning. Refuse her and she descends even further into her screams and bawls and kicks and what-have-you.

It is rather embarassing too, to know that your child's screams have pierced the otherwise still night. And more likely than not the entire block and the entire neighbouring block is hearing your child scream. At 130am in the morning.

One tough thing about this whole thing is that, she is refusing K at night. She is quick to say "Don't want Dada." And if he still stays within her line of sight, she can't pull herself out of her crying fit. I would then step in and try to defuse the situation. Sometimes I can do it within several minutes and she calms down enough to fall back to sleep. Sometimes it takes much much longer with much more effort..read: maybe an hour or more.

The other tough thing about all this is that, I am tired. Rather tired.

I'm into my 36th week. I feel like a whale.

I huff and puff and pant more than half the time. And then I pant somemore. The insides of my nostrils are getting more swollen, the blood vessels there are getting more swollen. It makes for heavier breathing just to get the same amount of air into my lungs. Hence, the huffing and panting.

I can't sleep well too. When Little Baby woke at 4am last night, she fussed but we were lucky for it was only for a short while. I thought it was good that it was a short episode and that I could probably get back to sleep quickly. I was wrong....I ended up tossing and turning for what seemed like a long time. Coupled with the warm weather and hazy skies...I was mildly irritated. I was half tempted to just pull myself out of bed and clear some remaining office work.

I hope these last 2-3 weeks before Peanut's arrival will be smooth-going.

Jiayou Little Baby.
Jiayou K.
Jiayou me....

Conversations with an almost 23-month old

We were looking through a book of cats. 

Me: Wow, look at the cat! Its tail is so long! Nadya, do you have a tail? 

N: No, no tail, backside only. 

Lol lol lol. 

============

K, Nadya and I were on our bed, just rolling and lazing around when she let out a fart. 

Me: Who farted? (Actually I was speaking to N but K answered)

K: She.

Me (speaking to N): Nadya, who farted?

N: She. 

So yep, she's a parrot these days...lol

....

有些话是空说的吗??

Conversations with an almost 23-month old

Nadya's lately taken to stopping K midway through his singing.
I find it hilarious the way she does it....you have to be there to witness it to know what I mean...
In the meantime, here's the "transcript" lol...


K: *singing*  Hush little baby, don't say a word...Mama's going to buy you a .......
N: *holds up one hand near K's face, palm open, fingers outstretched, arm ramrod straight*
N: Stop! Dada stop! Dada stop sing!

K: errr.....*continues singing*.....buy you a mockingbird...if that mockingbird won't sing.....
N: *more insistent*  Dada STOP! Dada no song. Dada stop sing song!
N: Mama sing! Mama sing song.

K: ok lor...
Me: err...ok...*starts singing the song*

N: *gives a small grunt of approval*  mmm.


And then she settles down on her bed...haha.
So our little girl is now dictating who sings what.....

La Coeur et L'esprit

发觉最近心胸又变得狭窄一些
需常常提醒自己
心胸要懂得放大一点，要学会放宽一点

Go Go Go!

I don't know if this is a good or bad thing. Somehow, when I am going on leave very soon (tomorrow is my last day in office), then important things come in.

My covering officers will have to bear the bulk of the work to be done.

Why do I ask if it is a good or bad thing?

Good because I can "siam".

Bad because...it doesn't reflect that well on me and.....I am donating away some bonus $$ to some of these covering officers lol.

And bad because I have a feeling that even when I am on leave, I will still get calls, texts or emails regarding some of these important issues. 

Oh well...take it as it comes.

我是 superwoman!!
Go Go Go!

Finally

Completed this piece...on hindsight, it seems a little gaudy haha. Maybe I'll tone it down for the next piece. Overall, good effort for a first piece I think!

Ahhhhh...

We finally got ourselves our own balcony table and chairs several weeks ago. 

Am on MC today. Feels good clearing work emails while having breakfast in the balcony. 

A neighbour is playing the piano. Thank you neighbour for providing me with some background music. 

Morning birds are up and about, chirping in the skies and in the trees below. 

The sun is getting stronger though, but some clouds have blocked it so I don't get the brunt of the sun's rays.

Good morning world!

Gambatte Michelle! 

And K, and Nadya and Peanut!

Gynae visit

I was at the gynae's this morning. 

1. Everything's going smoothly. What a relief to hear.

2. I have sugar in my urine again. It turned the paper the darkest shade of green/blue/teal I'd ever seen. The nurse told me to drink more water. The doc didn't seem too concerned. 

3. I asked the doc how heavy Peanut is right now but he didn't reply me...:(

4. I apparently still have a lot of amniotic fluid in me. Which is good cos it means Peanut will still stay in there for several weeks more. 

5. Muahaha. I was issued 2 weeks MC by the doc to rest well before Peanut arrives. *evil laugh* MC starts from next week. *evil laugh* :D

6. I've put on 13kg so far. Sigh...for the entire pregnancy for Little Baby, I put on 13kg. I still have 3 weeks more to go for this pregnancy lor! 

7. BP was 110/52 this morning. I'm happy because it's going back to normal again instead of being on the lower end of the spectrum. 

Supposed to see the doc again in another 2 weeks. 

Jiayou Michelle! 你可以的!!

Yo whassup?!

Got a cap for her a few days ago. Glad I made the purchase. :)

Her first cap ever and in bright pink too. 

Here's her new image! I'm loving it and it seems she does too! 

Bleah!

Feeling. Un-sated. 

There's a niggling feeling of wanting to munch on something. But can't put a finger on what food exactly. 

And the man just flatly refused to buy prata for me. :( 

Which means either I'll stay restless and missing something (a rather torturous feeling might I add), or I'll stuff myself with some milk and cereal. Not the most ideal either way. 

Oh.....>]*~€{¥<+}]€£{=<@&@&:!;$;&:"-:!!!!!!

Murphy's Law?

I find it strange.

Things can be at a lull but when one is going on leave soon, it is as if the universe wakes and decides to send in several work items all at once so that your last 2 weeks (before you take your leave) becomes a hectic period.

Just within these 2 days alone, I've suddenly had work items coming in and several more discussions and meetings taking place...

Lol...why ah?
Happens all the time :)

Duit, Money, 钱, Argent

I used to harbour some hope of perhaps working on a part-time or flexible-hours basis. So that some time can be freed up to spend time with the children in their growing up years.

Did some calculations.

With the type of funds and expenditure that we need each month, I think I can say that my hopes are pretty much squashed flat. Flat to no recognition whatsoever.

All about choices I guess.

The type of lifestyle, the type of decisions we make, the things we end up committing ourselves or tying ourselves down to.

Just really looking forward to the following months:

• Dec 2015 when I will be receiving my year-end AWS bonus of one month
• 6-7 months later in April/May 2016 when I will be receiving my next pay increment. Hopefully it will be something substantial. Fingers crossed.

Reminder and Note to Self

Online-shopping is easy peasy BUT.......不可以乱花钱！

Well, at least from now till the next 3-4 years.

Omg. :(

加油！

需调整和平复一下心情
但从何开始？
最近的 grogginess 和 inability to concentrate 和 forgetfulness
是有点难搞
嗨，加油吧美金！

What is a FML moment?

When you are in the middle of the expressway and you suddenly discover that you forgot to bring your office laptop with you.

Happened this morning. First time ever. I usually discover it before I leave the house.
Peanut must really be re-directing alot of my brain juices to herself. Please save some for Mama ok? Mama still has one more work week to go and needs the brain juice!

We were on a cab. I dropped K off, went back to the house to get the laptop and then took the same cab back to my office in Pasir Panjang.

I am thankful that the cab uncle was a nice guy who ferried me to and fro. I was apologising to him for making him "go round the world" but he said it was okay. Thank you uncle.


Sidenote #1:
The amazing thing was that despite me making detours and all, I still reached office earlier than 80% of my team-mates. Hmm...either the few of us are hardworking or the rest of them are slackers haha.

Sidenote #2:
I was expecting the cab fare to be above $50 and possibly close to $60. It turned out to be $47, with a $5 discount....not too bad at all...

Heavy downpour

It's 215pm on 26 Aug 2015. 

It's raining cats and dogs now with thunder rumbling and then booming extremely loudly in the sky.

I hope she's fine in school and not too cold or too scared of the loud thunder. :( 

Little Baby, Mama wishes she was by your side right now, to comfort you if you're feeling afraid. 

Cravings

This time round, my cravings are somewhat different.

When I was carrying Little Baby, I wanted hor fun, cheeseburger and fillet 'o fish burgers from Mac, toasted white bread, Gardenia's raisin bread, Kraft cheese, Sara Lee's chocolate pound cake and HL milk. 

This time round, I need my Sara Lee chocolate pound cake even more. I didn't really snack mich on cheese though I take it in some of my sandwiches for breakfast. And I crave for roti prata although strangely I didn't ask for it these last 2 weeks. Oh yes, I need a lot more cold water or drinks this time round too. 

Peanut seems to have a sweet tooth. I was dabaoing Cheng Ting quite often haha. And there was a short few weeks when I needed Kit Kat every night, together with Chips Ahoy. I've since cut out Kit Kat and Chips Ahoy...um, ever since my urine test showed signs of sugar in it....(opps!)

But oh yes, the milk craving stayed the same. At this point, I'm downing 4 litres of HL milk every week....I think K finds it scary hahah. 

Wow...

I just discovered my colleague has 4 kids, with the youngest being only 7mths old. His eldest is 8 and in primary two already. I thought he had 3 kids and was mighty shocked when he told me...nope, I've 4.

I told him, "Wow, I salute you!"

And actually I salute his wife too. I respect her more in fact.
For going through 4 pregnancies, with each kid on average being 2 years older than the previous sibling. That means on average, after each pregnancy, she only stayed non-pregnant for around 14-16 months.

And she's still a working mum.

(They have to be dual income, what with 4 kids and several years more of diapers and milk tin purchases and helper hiring and babysitter hiring....)

Pretty challenging I think. I'm seriously in awe.

======
Come to think of it, I suddenly realised I know at least 10 people with 3 kids and another 3 more folks with 4 kids....

Much saluting to these people! 

The Untitled Poem

You don't know it little one
But Mama is starting to miss the days when you were even more little
The heady smell of your newborn skin
The creases and wrinkles in those first weeks after you came crying and fist-punching into this world
The thick fuzz you had on your head
The big unfocused eyes you had then
The way your head turned to me when you caught a whiff of my smell
And of course....your tiny fingers and toes 

You don't know it little one
But Mama is wondering why you are growing so fast
Where did all the time go? Can it slow down a little?
One minute you're helpless on your back
The next minute you're on your tummy already
One minute you're stuck in the same spot
The next minute you're leopard crawling all over the place
And of course....now you're walking all around

You don't know it little one
But Mama wishes she could keep each and every memory of you etched deeply into her mind
Your first smile, your first gurgle
Your first flip onto your tummy
Your first expression when you first tasted solid food
Your first babble, your first real word
Your first crawl, your first step
And of course, your first hug to me and your first utterance of "MaMa"

You don't know it little one
But Mama is afraid and unsure sometimes
Am I doing the right things?
What more should I do, can I do?
Am I doing enough?

Are we making the right decisions?

Are we teaching you right?
And of course, what if I turn out to be a terrible mother?

You don't know it little one

But Mama loves you so so much

And of course, you're living in her heart.

=======

Inspired.

By an article I read from another mother. 

I can't give credits because I've forgotten where that article appeared in. 

Comment: This was written and posted a year back in August 2014. I have NO IDEA how it came to be republished today in Aug 2015. So strange.....

Mid-day musings

I think I have not handled 2015 very well so far.

The early months were spent grappling with getting a rhythm in our lives in our own home and figuring out how to engage Little Baby more in her meals and development. Weekends were spent cooking and doing chores and looking after Little Baby. It did not feel to me like as if we had much freedom or social life.

And then later on, it seemed to me that I spent most of my time just trying to keep my head afloat and above water. Frantic paddling of feet underneath the water's surface. Juggling work, Little Baby and a burgeoning belly. It did not help that for the period of April, May, June and July, she fell sick once a month. I used up quite abit of both my annual leave and childcare leave during this time.

Then there was the period from May till July when I was trying to settle issues related to getting a helper in and then doing onboarding for her.

Plus my medical check-ups every now and then. zzz.

If 2014 had its challenges, then 2015 is somewhat comparable too haha.

There are definitely also good and happy times.

Just wondering what can be done to revamp our humdrum lifestyle a little so we can inject abit more fun and excitement into it. Glad we did things like bring her to the beach and eat breakfast at Starbucks at ECP haha. And glad we brought her out for brunch at The Bank a few months back too.

Of course, maybe any changes to be tried and implemented could only come after Peanut is out and after I have recovered from my csec.

Food for thought.
Food for thought.

fml

For the life of me, I simply cannot cross my legs in the lady-like way anymore i.e.  with thighs overlapping each other.

I can only place my left foot over my right thigh i.e. doing it the men's way.

And it makes for pretty uncomfortable positions in office lol. My bum hurts after a day in the office.

Factoid of the Day

My mum was sharing this with me the other day.

She was having lunch at Tampines Mall. My Dad was at the gents. Next to their table in the foodcourt was seated a mother and her toddler daughter.

My mum, being the auntie that she is, was curious and started observing the little girl.

And being the auntie that she is, she started a conversation with the mother. Turned out that the girl was around Little Baby's age. At 20 months, she's around 2-3 months younger than Little Baby.

My mum mentioned to the younger mother that her daughter had a nice almost full set of teeth, vis-a-vis Little Baby who is till now only sporting just 8 teeth. The younger lady told my mum that her daughter was refusing to speak though and only says some words like "milk", "mama" and "dada". In response, my mum told her Little Baby was chatty and talkative although she is trying to pronounce words well enough.

The lady said, "Oh yes, babies whose teeth pop out earlier and fuller will end up being late bloomers in speech. And those whose teeth take a longer time to pop out will end up speaking much earlier and better!"

So there you go, factoid of the day.

Or old wives' tale of the day? Hmm. :)
My mother had never ever heard of this before haha. Neither have I.

Suddenly

Time has a way of suddenly popping up in your face and telling you that Dday is near. Be it school or work project timelines, wedding dates, etc....and of course, pregnancy delivery dates.

Suddenly, there are only 4 weeks left. 

Jitter. Jittery. Jitters!

Still some more things to be done before I feel more ready.
Still at least 2-3 more gynae visits before D-day.

Breathe...

thoughts of...granny

Woke with tired eyes and a stuffy nose this morning.

Mainly because I bawled hard for a good 5-10mins yesterday. I was re-reading an old blog post I made last April, about the day my granny left us.

There were other subsequent posts relating to the proceedings for her wake but I decided not to read them. Otherwise I would have been bawling for more than that amount of time.

On hindsight, I can only conclude that either I was already feeling emo, or that I am a writing maestro and my written words were simply too fantastic and powerful and could evoke such strong feelings in someone.

I choose the latter. Hehe :p

Sun shiny day

"It's gonna be a bright, bright, sun-shiny day!"

Got onto the cab earlier on and Kiss 92FM was playing this song. 

Awesome start to the day. :) 

Definitely perked up my zombified self somewhat. Why am I zombified? Cos Little Baby woke at 12am, 130am and then 530am....zzzzzz. She had a heavy dinner and we had initially thought that we would be having a smooth night ahead of us. Guess we were wrong...

Anyway, Jiayou to both K and I!!

FB Memory Feature

FB has this new feature where it shows you your previous posts made on the same day in past years. 

So nostalgic and sentimental. Perfect feature for me. 

A short look back into the past. To remind you somewhat, of where you came from, how things and people have changed from then till now, and how much you have traversed in body, mind and spirit within that few years. 

Taking some stock too. 

Like? Don't like?

She had her first taste of durian today. It wasn't from an actual durian fruit but it was close enough. She was licking and chewing on a piece of Mao Shan Wang durian snow skin mooncake from Goodwood Park Hotel.

She gave a cringey look but continued licking and nibbling anyway. And son after she rejected it lol. Not sure if she liked it or not. 

Photos for posterity! 

Male chivalry

Popped by Opera Estate's Baker & Cook branch for breakfast this morning again. A convenient place to head to since they are open for business very early. Before we discovered them, we only had MacDonalds as an option.

Left the place after a happy meal or croissants, scrambled eggs, ham and cheese. Kyne was carrying N and had gone out first. I, being the slow and shuffling one now, was trailing far behind and by the time I reached the exit, the door had already closed. I reached out to push open the door and was then pleasantly surprised when a Caucasian guy popped out of nowhere to help me open the door. 

I said a big thank you. Felt totally grateful and appreciative of his gesture. If the cafe had been full of local guys, I doubt any of them would do it. (Ok, K begged to differ though haha) 

Anyway, thank you sir. For helping me with the door. And for putting a smile on my face so early in the morning. 

Counting Down

Approaching 34 weeks.Time really flies.

While most of the pregnancy has been relatively smooth and manageable compared to when I was having Little Baby, I didn't count on feeling much much heavier (and more breathless) in my last 2 months of pregnancy this time round.

Pelvic pressure is building. There are days when I walk awkwardly due to aches in my loins and at the thigh joints. The belly seems mighty heavy too.

And since around 2-3 weeks ago, there are days when Peanut seems intent on sucker-punching me form the inside once every few minutes till I feel winded. She must be having a ball of a time stretching, kicking, somersaulting, and basically trying out every conceivable gymnastic and pugilistic trick in the book. She stretched me so much last night with a mighty kick that I instinctively sucked in my breath in shock.

I hope she doesn't turn out to be as feisty and stubborn as her older sister haha.

The jitters have been on the rise. Yes, even though this is my second pregnancy, I am still feeling the jitters. 

Praying for a smooth csec delivery and a smooth recovery after that as well.
Praying for a smooth time in nursing Peanut.
Praying for sufficient rest.
Praying for a compliant, cooperative and understanding Nadya during the time of my confinement too....

Praying.

Hans Zimmer

Hans Zimmer accompanies me this morning...what an exceptional composer.

His pieces conjures up tonnes of emotions...

Inspiring, haunting, scary, uplifting, soothing, loving, you name it....

Currently in love with the following:

• "Gortoz a Ran" from Black Hawk Down (all time fav since a long time back)
• "Chevaliers de Sangreal" which is the main theme song for the Da Vinci Code
• "Time" from Inception 
• "The Way of the Sword" from The Last Samurai

Pls explain

I simply do not understand.

How does one BLATANTLY claim to be busy and have a big workload.

And still also have time to BLATANTLY read newspapers everyday at her desk?

Please explain to me.

I am too dumb to understand how such a contradictory situation can occur.

Conversations with a 22-month old Toddler

Scene: She stole my pillow. I was trying to take it back. We were both holding onto separate ends of my pillow.

Me: That's Mama's pillow. Can you give it back to me please?
N: Mama! No! Let go!
Me: *stunned*
Me (thinking): where did you learn that? we only ever use "give it back" with you....lol.

===========
Scene: She was sitting on my bed with K. I had just taken a morning shower and was walking out of the bathroom.

N: Mama come! Sit down! Bed!
Me: Ok, coming.
N: Mama come!!!
Me (thinking): you need more patience my little one......

===========
Scene: I was lounging on her bed. She had just gotten off it and was pacing around her room looking for something.

Me: Are you looking for something sayang?
N: Dada! Book! Where Dada put the book?
N: Where? Where? Where Dada put the book?
Me: Haha...Maybe it is under your bed? Underneath your bed. (She likes the word "underneath")
N: Oh...underneath....*proceeds to peer below her bed for whatever book she was looking for.*

Work in progress

Reminds me a little of my grandmother's sarongs for her kebayas. Not those she used for daily wear but those more intricate looking ones she wore for special occasions. 

Gratitude

We were in the cab on the way to work this morning. I looked over to K's side, out through his side of the car window and unknowingly had a small smile on my face. K asked what I was smiling about. I didn't quite answer him...:)

Truth of the matter? I was just savouring the moment.....


The moment when I took a deep breath and told myself that today will be a good day, a beautiful day, a wonderful day.

The moment when I caught the morning sun's rays falling on the trees lining the side of the expressway, turning their leaves from green to bright sparkling shimmering hues of gold and yellow.

The moment when I saw the bright blue sky, way up high with small fluffy clouds of white.

The moment when everything seemed right with all stars aligned.

The moment when I felt grateful for everything I have, including my loved ones and their unwavering presence in my life. 


Yes, those were what I was smiling about......

17 August 2015

How fleeting life can be.

While I can't claim I know you very well, I think you've had a relatively well-lived life.

You've always been fun-loving, smart and loving life.
You recently graduated and got your hard-earned MBA. 
You loved and were loved in return by friends and family and Wanling.
You mostly enjoyed your work and you had the chance to travel to some places these last few years. 

I hope you didn't suffer too much in the last few weeks.
And I definitely hope that you are in a better place right now.

Rest in peace Mahesh.
I wish you well wherever you may be.

And I'm glad that Nadya had the chance to see and play with you at least twice....

Newest obsession

Colouring. In an adult colouring book. :) 

So aside from a recent obsession with buying things from Qoo10, colouring is my newest hobby. 

I love the colouring book I got. It's called "Secret Garden" by a lady named Johanna Basford. She has a full range of adult colouring books, all filled with copious amounts of lined images of flowers and plants, animals, sceneries, fantasy images, etc, 

But I hated that the online vendor "cheated" me of my Staedtler colour pencils and gave me some low quality weirdass Mexican or Spanish brand of colour pencils. 

So I need and want to get a new box of either Faber-Castell or Staedtler colour pencils. 24 colours perhaps, if the 48 colour box proves to be too expensive. :) 

.......

I had originally wanted the last few weeks before I deliver to be more relaxed and smooth-sailing.

Turns out there are various things happening that are bringing me some form of stress and frustration.

2 colleagues "choot" pattern now regarding my covering duties. It's only regarding a small matter but now I seem to have to mediate between the two when it was of no fault of mine.

There are other things happening as well.

When can I get the chance not to think about anything at all?

Gynae visit this morning

Peanut is 32 weeks along and weighing 1.7kg now. Diameter of her head is at 8cm and she has wedged herself comfortably in a corner of my tum, with her head down already and her back/spine at the left my of tum.

My blood pressure was around 94-50. A little low by a normal person's standards but according to the doc and nurses, it's oerfectly normal for a pregnant lady. Good. 

I've put on 11kg so far. Just nice I think, considering I've about 6 more weeks to go.

The doc asked if there were 10kicks in a day. I told him it was uncountable, definitely more than 10kicks in a day lol. 

And he has also confirmed that Peanut's a girl. :) I'll have 2 princesses! More hair to play with too haha. 

And so I've also spoken to the doc and he (bless him) will be granting me a 2-week MC before the date of my csec. Which means my last day at work will be 4 Sept. 

With that I can safely put into action my leave clearance plan with my company. Good. 

Her Speech

I'm pretty stoked that Little Baby is speaking quite abit. I don't know if other kids are doing the same but I'm just rather proud of her haha.

Some examples of stuff she has said so far...

• Mama come, draw.
• Mama read the book.
• Nana feed horse, carrots. 
• Dada help Nana feed horse, carrots

And I just realised she can count from 1 to 10 in Mandarin! And that she actually knows a fair bit of Mandarin words and phrases as well like 大象， 牛奶， 睡觉，要不要，好不好，臭臭....etc.....

Proud mama...haha.

random thoughts

忍一时风平浪静
退一步海阔天空
有进的时候
也有退的时候

风筝的线
有时该拉紧 
有时也该放松一些
好让它飞得更高更远更久

Preps

Booties, socks and mittens see sunlight again after 2 years hidden away in a box.