Uncle Robert

Teared a little on the bus this morning. 

Cos Dad told me Uncle Robert passed away yesterday morning on 26 Jan 2026. 

Though it's been more than several years since I last saw him (maybe slightly more than a decade?), I still remember his twinkling eyes, huge guffaws and big grins that reached his eyes. He was never without his moustache and we all thought he looked like an ex-Malaysian minister called Badawi. He also had head of thick fully white hair. Stubborn but loyal. Pretty jovial too. 

He was one of Dad & Mum & my Auntie Molly's old friend from decades ago. They used to hang out quite often till they got too old to do so too frequently. In fact, this bunch of their friends "watched" me grow up. I used to hang out with them once in awhile at Aranda Country Club 30+ years ago when I was a young teenager and when they used to all gather there to dance and listen to the live band there. They would have been in their 40s and 50s (or some in their 60s) and I'd have been 13, 14, 15 yrs old. 

Uncle Robert was 92yrs old. His wife Auntie Mimi was Mum's close friend till they drifted apart a little as she could not meet my mum anymore due to her bad knees and not so good health. She visited me in hospital when I had Nadya...

I hope Auntie Mimi is doing ok....

Rest in peace Uncle Robert. 

It's that season already when you hear of hospital wards, wakes & funerals more than weddings, birthday parties and manyues....

Of poetry and homework

One part of N's English homework today involved a creative assignment. I liked the assignment. So fun!

But it was pek chek trying to guide the teen. All I got was "I dunno! I dunno! Ugh! I dunno!" zzzzz....

She had to write a poem of at least 5 lines, with the first line being a line of lyrics from a song. The other subsequent lines had to be original lines formed by herself. 

Anyway, after much guidance, suggestions, advice from K & I.....

1st line coming from her fav pop song currently "My Happy Ending" by Avril Lavigne....

And voila........an emo, slightly angsty piece!

Don’t leave me hanging

Tangled in my dreams

After all that I’ve done for you

What have you left me

Nothing

But rivers of tears

Work is madness

It's been a hectic 2 days. It will be a hectic week ahead as well I think.

Back to back meetings & discussions for these 2 days. Leaving me with not much time during the day to settle my own work. 

Last minute high-level meeting this afternoon between an international organisation and parent agency's DCE = mad scramble on Mon afternoon preparing talking points, booking meeting room, ordering beverages, handling visitor registration, updating relevant bosses. Thankful Val was around to handle the admin & logistics while I focused on the updates to bosses and drafting up talking points. 

Many bits & pieces of things to settle. Some requiring more thinking, some which were thrown to our team and which I am (very) reluctantly handling. 

Nvm...breathe. 

Just do.........

...............

Mao Bu Yi

Lyrics from "如果有一天我变得很有钱" by 毛不易

如果有一天我变得很有钱
我会买下所有男的一见的笑脸
让所有可怜的孩子不在胆怯
所有邪恶的人不在掌握话语权

Should go read up on his lyrics more if I get the chance. He hangs out with Li Xueqin who is smart & intelligent and quite the intellectual. If they're good friends, I'd assume his mind is pretty great too. 

讲真的

Part of lyrics from 讲真的 by 刘宇宁

讲真的 想得不可得 是最难割舍的

A fact of life but so nicely said...even poetic...when expressed in Chinese words.

Meaningful....

钱

So far we've arranged 4 business trips for our big boss over the course of the last 1-1.5years. 

Each time, he requests to upgrade his flight to business class. Paying for the upgrade out of his own pocket of course. Even a short flight to Hong Kong was on business class. 3.5hrs cannot sit in economy? Hmm...

We calculated. He's spent around $30K over these 4 trips just to upgrade to business class. 

如果他嫌钱多可以捐给我的.......

Jiayou Lady!

New year, new schedules. 

This year, my entire 1st half of the day will be spent at Parkway Parade till 1pm. Alyssa's Math at845am, then groceries, then park myself at foodcourt to wait for her after her class ends, then lunch, then her Science class till this class ends at 1pm. 

=============

Was at the foodcourt as usual yesterday morning. Sat at a table next a a Mum, her 8 or 9-yr old daughter, and their helper. 

The mum was oscillating between "frenzied & losing patience"...and "trying to be nice & gentle"...

Could tell from the tone of her voice. I didn't even have to look at her. 

"Can you stop it??!!"

"After this you drink your water ok...." 

"How many times have I told you already?????!!!!!! NO MEANS NO!!!"

"Is the food alright? Not too hot right? If it's hot then you blow ok, I can blow for you too..."

....I feel you lady...Jiayou...! 你可以的！

We're mums, we're all parents, and....we're all schizos too...LOL

Nursing Homes

Been doing nursing home research on & off over the past week. 

Task assigned by mum, for Eema's long-term care plan. 

Small effort on my part. The heavy lifting likely will be undertaken by my Mum....to manage the siblings, relationships, the intricacies of who pays the nursing home fees, scheduling visits in the future, etc.

And she'd probably have to handle the other headache too...how to handle Eema's sworn sister who is having dementia, is very frail, and is very very attached to Eema... 

Jiayou

It's only Tuesday. I feel like a week has gone by already. 

1 staff down. hospitalised, then discharged with 1 week HL. Now her kid is hospitalised too and told me she can't be online anytime soon. 

Both schools still spamming us with things to do to get the kids ready for the rest of the school year. MIMS account set up, SLS stuff, CCA stuff, each subject teacher has their own preferences for certain things to be done and they communicate to parents in different styles as well...

Both girls wanting that special talk time before bed...not openly asking but you can sort of tell they enjoy or appreciate it...

Various texts from parent class/school groups...

Various texts from friends and/or colleagues...

Various texts from family...

Boss on AL and need to cover...staff on HL and need to cover...

One more staff seems to be sick but trying to hang on. Another staff on AL in London. 

Aunt hospitalised. Mum giving updates. I try to be there in a supportive role and call my mum with the intention of having quick updates only to get inundated with long stories. I try to cut her story-telling and guide her with short, sharp to the point questions and it helps a little. Else the 30-mins conversation I had tonight would have been 1hr. 

Need to research on nursing homes now and pass my mum some info. 

Lower back is better today but ached slightly on the bus when I had to shift position a little. Still doing my physio every day since 7 Jan. 

BREATHE....

BREATHE......

BREATHE.......

Eema's hospitalisation

This whole episode of Eema being hospitalised has various dramatic moments....

Including things like relatives losing patience with each other...

And an Aunt throwing away Eema's torn blouse, not knowing that her gold chain was in the blouse pocket...then having to dig through trash to retrieve said blouse and finally managing to find the gold chain )thankfully). 

And....the plot thickens.......

Aunt Violet, Eema's sworn sister, stays with her and is very reliant on Eema. Violet has dementia, is only  fully lucid at certain times and has very weak legs...She went missing from her house this morning...Relatives suspect she left home to find Eema....

Been 2hours with no news...Hope she is found soon. 

Ramblings

And just like this, a week has gone by in 2026. 

It was a flurry of work, checking various texts & notifications from both parent chat groups and school announcements for both kids, and checking various texts and updates from staff. 

================

I did well during the Paris-London trip and did not take any Omeprazole. 

I think I had to take it several during this week already. The moment I started work. 

Pray tell......am I stressed out by work? Lol...

 

Eema

8 Jan - Aunt Eema had apparently fallen twice in her home on this night but refused to be taken to the hospital despite her housemates' advice. 

9 Jan - She felt unwell. The story is unclear to me but my mum is not in Singapore and she is usually the first person Eema calls. Somehow my older uncle knew about her situation and called my brother up. He arranged for an ambulance and she was sent to the hospital. 

Visited her on Saturday. She was in a neck brace and said her legs hurt. She was tubed up and dosed with antibiotics because she apparently had lung infection and pneumonia and was running a fever when she was sent in. More MRI and tests are to follow on Monday again. 

Glad that at least she is in hospital where professionals are around to keep an eye on her. Glad too that her mind is lucid, and she could even tease me about me having white hair despite me being "young". 

I hope she gets well soon and there is nothing else that shows up after all her test results come in. 

She's led a hardworking life and has always been quiet but strong and resilient. She cares about all her nieces and nephews and used to pray for all of us and get 平安福 amulets for us each year till a few years back. 

88 years old. May she stay strong and have many more years to come. 

2025 was another year of ups & downs

Work

• There were some high intense periods like GE, higher profile cases involving establishments and folks that I cannot name here, meetups/issues with international organisations, end-user complaints)
• There were frustrating issues from self-entitled customers to incompetent colleagues and staff who test your patience ever so often
• Still, very thankful for a bunch of other colleagues & teammates who are competent, kind & very helpful, smart and work well with me
• Also thankful for a patient boss

Family

• N's PSLE took centrestage, while her P6 was less intense than her P5, the revisions & enrichment lessons were still challenging enough. K put in alot of effort to coach her. N got Star Pupil in her last term in class! What a nice way to end her primary school journey!
• A's growth in her P4 journey was wonderful, with her getting recognised by her teachers & getting an Inspiring Leader award at the end of the year. I hope she continues to shine in her studies as well as her prefect & Brownies pursuits.
• Time was spent in the initial months adjusting to life in a new environment. Groceries and meal planning again became priority items each week. Disputes here & there, discomfort here & there. Some stress for me here & there. But I guess nothing too major to bring me down.
• Kept up with the weekly Saturday dinners at Sandy Palm. 
• Relationships with the girls are evolving, especially with the older one. Frosty at times, warm as toast at other times...I need to figure it out how to get along with the tween/teen better...
• Thankful still for family. I know they have my back. 

Friendships

• Thankful for friendships at work who have made things more bearable and manageable. Lunch chats bordering on the boliao and ridiculous sometimes crack us up so badly we tear up and get odd looks from other teams at the pantry cos we make too much noise lol.
• Evolving friendships...kept up with some...thankful for those still around. Learning to let go a little of others who may not be around for whatever reasons there may be.

Self

• Not walking or exercising enough for sure, need to up this...
• Food intake & diet has probably improved and I put on some weight as well. Stomach still has its up & down periods but at least I don't lose much weight the moment I hit a down period. Probiotics, Gaviscon and Omeprazol are still in the picture from time to time to help me manage if needed.
• Major challenge & major breakthrough this year. Conquered the long flight to Paris. Felt uneasy with the narrower & more claustrophobic trains in Paris and London but survived them nonetheless. I feel more confident taking the trains in SG now and have done some longer journeys on the train on my own since we got back from overseas. Next thing to try will be taking the train during peak hour. 
• There's increasing tiredness and to a certain extent...apathy. Usually at work, at times on the personal front. Not sure why....

2 Jan

The start of Nadya's secondary school journey. 

K accompanied her by train to school and trudged up the hill with her to get to AHS. 

Peanut & I surprised her at the MRT station when she came home after school. I got her a cup of bubble tea from Chi Cha San Chen as a small motivation haha. Glad she was happy & surprised to see us there. And glad too that she had a good (though boring) 1st day at school. 

Happy that 5 other kids from the same primary school were in the same Sec 1 class as her. She knew 3 of them and 2 girls were actually from her P1 & P2 class! Small world! At least she doesn't have to start from scratch and already knows some kids in class. I hope this helps with the transition into secondary school. 

==================

I asked her the night before if she was nervous and was surprised to hear that she was actually excited about going into secondary school. :) Happy to hear this. 

May her secondary school journey be a smooth-going and happy one!

2026

And there you go!

We're in the new year already...2026. 

Am I ready? I don't think so. 

Not ready to start work again. Not ready for the new school term too...and not ready to start prepping for CNY and.....

Bopian lol...time flows by whether you like it or not. 

Xmas Eve Gathering

Recent Xmas gathering at Uncle David’s place, there were some things that stood out to me:

• How our uncles & aunts were all visibly older. Ee-ma though the oldest present was still quite fit for her age. Mobile & still very lucid. Auntie Violet, her sworn sister though, has not been doing too well since a year ago. Though on the surface she looks physically ok but…her mind is not fully there. And her legs can’t support her. Each step brings me worry whether her knees will buckle. Each shuffle brings me worry whether she’ll take a misstep. Even with her mind & body this way, she insisted on neither me nor Ee-ma being in the bathroom with her when she had to use it. As a 晚辈 I don’t have much say but ‘ve asked my Mum before to get a discussion going with her siblings how to handle Auntie Violet’s issues in the very near future. I can’t say much about Auntie Angie’s side of the family, just that they still look pretty alright, except for white hair for the older relatives…and also maybe cos they’re all still younger than my Mum’s siblings…

• This was the 1^st occasion in my entire life that I spoke enough (broken) Cantonese in a single night to exceed whatever Cantonese I spoke in the entire year. And this from a person who can’t speak enough Cantonese to save her life. Largely cos I was conversing with Ee-ma & Auntie Violet. Ee-ma somehow may have forgotten that I usually speak to her in Mandarin lol..and started a few convos with me in Cantonese.

• Glad I had some 1-on-1 time with Suli to catch up a little. We used to be close and had meals together once in awhile…Age, life, work, kids, Covid & I guess or own struggles that we were dealing with meant over the last 10-years plus we grew apart...not intentionally but just naturally. Now that I know she’s back in Tampines, I’ll try to arrange a meal with her sometime next year...

• I used to be the youngest generation at such family gatherings. I was the one who’d be running around with Suli. Now, our kids are the ones who are running around together. And our kids used to be the youngest running around. Now our younger cousins’ kids are the youngest ones running around, and there’s one who just started crawling. Time flows by…

  
  

走 C 路了

This was a year of C-dramas....

Blossom

Prisoner of Beauty

Dream Within a Dream

Legend of the Female General

All period dramas cos...I like them much more than those set in modern times. The costumes & sets are all so nice to look at!

Caught a fair bit of summarised stuff & snippets of other dramas as well

The Sword & The Brocade

Best Partner

Flight to You

Destined

Fateful Love

Paris & London

Family Trip! 4 Dec - 15 Dec 2025

This is my 4th time in Paris...2008, 2010, 2011 and 2025. 

80% of the stuff we did or the places we went to, I'd already experienced haha. It was more for the girls, especially Nadya, who's had more "exposure" to French stuff cos she uses some French words in her ballet learning journey. Alyssa found Paris mostly boring, Nadya could appreciate the history & culture more. 

• Going up the Eiffel Tower was a blast for the girls. They were so tickled by the strong winds. Alyssa got slightly blown off balance too haha. 
• Notre Dame Cathedral was boring for Alyssa but sort of interesting for Nadya who could better appreciate the architecture and history behind some things. 
• The trip up to see the Basilique du Sacre Coeur and have a great view of the city was a little challenging as it was raining (and hence cold & damp) but the girls had fun struggling with their umbrellas and the strong winds lol. Nadya's brolly flipped over so many times haha. We chose not to go in to the cathedral. 
• It was a brief walk at Champs Elysees, then a quick look at Arc du Triomphe. It was my first time walking beneath the Arc though. I'd never known that there were underground linkways there. We had a quick visit to Galaries Lafayette as well, my first time there, and yet another short visit to the Trocadero, specifically the Eiffel Tower Viewing Point. Seeing the tower at night from such a nice viewing point was a first for me and much enjoyable. Alyssa was grouchy throughout most of this night though lol...she was cold, and bored and could not appreciate these sights. 
• We went on a Bateaux Moches river cruise on the Seine as well. I found this boring though...Alyssa too haha. Nadya was counting the number of bridges we passed by so I guess she quite liked the cruise. 
• Fav meal in Paris = our lunch at an Italian restaurant near the Lourve. It's called Enza Famiglia. Pasta was superb. My gnocchi was so delicious!

This is my 2nd time in London. 2010 and 2025. 

Alyssa found this place more fun, possible also because we did more activities that she could understand or that she found interesting. 

• Christmas at Kew Gardens was a light installation event at Kew Gardens, fairly far from where we stayed at King's Cross. The trail took so long to walk through. I think it was definitely more than 1h30mins. It also rained a little at the start so it was quite cold. We were struggling to open and shut our umbrellas at some point as it drizzled heavily, then stopped, then started again zzz. The girls & I were knackered. My face was probably as grouchy as theirs lol. 
• The trip to Harry Potter Warner Brothers Studio was a highlight for me. I'm not a huge fan of the series but it was interesting for me. While the girls were interested, they weren't extremely excited as well lol. But I guess it was still nice enough for them. We got them wands from the gift shop (sibei ex). 
• We did a tour of the Paradox Museum too. This was fun too and the girls really liked this place. Something like the Trick Eye Museum Singapore has. 
• We had a brief walk through the 1st floor of Harrods, also shopped briefly at Soho district.
• Visited the Light Room near King's Cross for an immersive experience about dinosaurs. I like this one but it lasted just an hour or so....so I felt the tickets were not too value for money. 
• The Natural History Museum was so-so...Alyssa felt bored again lol though some of the fossil exhibits were interesting. 
• I initially planned to see the Changing of the Guards outside Buckingham Palace but switched to bringing the girls to the Changing of the Guards at the Horse Guards instead, just down the road from 10 Downing Street. Lesser crowds, easier for them to view and no need to go an hour earlier just to get good viewing spots. 
• Fav meal in London = there's a couple actually! Haha...one was dinner at Rex Cross, near King's Cross station. My grilled chicken was amazing. Even K agreed it was one of the best he's had. The pastas the rest ordered were excellent too! We had nice fish & chips at The Mayfair Chippy, opposite Harrods at Knightsbridge. Alyssa loved this place. And....we had very nice udon at Kineya Mugimaru at St Pancras International Station on our last day in London. The warm udon hit the right spot cos it was a cold day. We liked it so much we had breakfast, and then went back there for lunch on the same day lol.

Thankful for the family time... :)

Not so thankful for the day at Eiffel Tower when my Whatsapp was buzzing alot due to something that happened in office which affected my team lol...Still, am thankful my team could handle it pretty much without me.  

Flight

So fast. It's been 2 weeks since we got back from our Paris & London trip. 

We've not taken a plane since our Osaka trip back in Sept 2018.  

The trip this round was for N's post-PSLE trip. 

I was hesitant. I'd not flown for 7 years. I couldn't even take the bus or train on my own a few years back. While I've more or less trained myself to overcome those over the years....a plane was a different story. Once in, there's no backing out. 

I was nervous on the day we were supposed to fly out. Though I was less nervous than I thought I would be. Perhaps it was because K was there, and the girls too. They have my back. 

It was a 14-hr flight into Paris. Save for the initial 30mins from boarding to take-off and a little while more when I felt nervous and was praying, I think I did very well. I could even look after the 2 girls and bring them to the washroom several times, etc. 

The flight back was pretty similar. I was seated alone on the flight back and I was wondering if I'd be more nervous but it was quite ok. 

Think if I share this with Dr Mok she'd squeal and say she's happy for me haha...

I'm happy too. I overcame this...and the presence of K & the 2 girls were my grounding. 

AHS

Jiejie got herself into Anglican High! 

It was quite a rush settling her textbooks (thanks to K for ordering them online the moment we got the confirmed school posting results lol), her new school shoes, and more importantly, her new uniforms. 

I hope her secondary school journey will be as fun as mine. I hope she finds herself a good bunch of friends like I did (thankfully). I hope she starts to 开窍 abit more and grows more disciplined in her studies. I hope it'll be a great, smooth 4 years ahead for her!! 

Wonder what they call AHS kids? Anglicanian? Anglicanite? AHS-ian?

==================

On Xmas Eve, we showed her how to take the bus & then walk to school.  It's a long walk to school 12/13minutes without her school bag. If she's having a school bag, my guess is it will take longer. Not too bad if it's just a gentle slope or flat ground....thing is, there's a gentle slop for most of the way and then the last 200-300m is a steep slope to the school's main gate. 

I was struggling that day and silently cursing in my head when traversing up the steep slope....I think after a month of walking to school each day, she'll be super fit. Jiayou Nadya!! lol...

Peanut Power

Little girl has done well over the past year. 

She finally worked her way into being a prefect, a goal she set herself since P2. At the end of P3, her form teacher put her name up and voila, she became one in P4 this year. 

She's done well in BICEP, her chinese special programme in school. 

She's now working on becoming a leader in her Brownies. Hopefully she gets the chance to be nominated. 

She did well enough in class to be allocated to one of the better classes in P5. She'll be in a mixed class with GEP kids. Hope her P6 class will provide her a good environment to be in. Her P4 class & some of her good friend in her P4 class were indeed positive influences on her. 

Onwards & upwards!

Deep breaths.

Back to the grind. 

Not liking it so far. 

Handling co-workers who test your patience many times. 

And at the same time handling other distractions/demands. Some walk around on 2 feet and occupy the room next to ours. 

Also not sleeping well. A little jetlagged still perhaps. 

Nanny

Perpetually. 

Tiring. 

Nanny at home.
Have you done your homework? Have you packed your bag? Tomorrow's 行程 will be this followed by that so you have to plan your attire for this & then that. Did you wash your hands? Wash your feet. Brush your teeth. Brush your hair. Go bathe. Clear your clothes! Clear your desk! Clean your desk!

Nanny at work. 
Have you sent it out? Why not? Deadline coming, are you done? Why do I need to remind you? Have you processed? Not yet?? Why?? ST sent you instructions yesterday, till today no action done on your end, let me know why?

Kids I can understand....

Adults who cannot manage their own time or deadlines. I cannot accept. My patience...is sorely tested this year. 

PSLE Results today

Message from a friend "my daughter did not do well". 

And in the end...her daughter got 9M. 

Wah lau. That is a good lor. Single-pointer. Not as good as 4, 5, 6 but still a single-pointer nonetheless.

Then again, I should not be surprised. Such comments always come from her. 

It's always a "my son the Maths cannot make it, I teach till I vomit blood"...then the kid ends up in top 3 in his class. Or it's a "she is very jialat lah I dunno what to say"...and then in the end the daughter becomes a single pointer in PSLE. 

Oh well. 

===========================

As I expected, saw some kids beaming in school today....and some others (boys & girls included) crying. 

Good results or less stellar ones...I hope each kid eventually finds his or her own path in this world. Run or plod, so long as they keep moving and stay on the right side of the road. May they be happy and healthy always.

When you've been married a long time

When you've been married a long time

When your other half is riding the same wave....

会查出 boliao 的火花 hahhaa.....

K: I didn’t buy the (chicken) drumsticks.

Me: Orh, then like that how to play drums?

K: Cannot lor, then we play cymbals.

Me: Oh ya true, MS Word has a lot of symbols.

K: Ya, keyboard also have.

深呼吸

Never thought the Marketing colleague could cause so much annoyance. 

工作能力 is really not up to standard. (alot?) Lower than what I'd expect from an AM. 

disorganised, slipshod, careless, always making mistakes, not meeting deadlines, 

if this were a private organisation, she would have been fired long ago. 

sigh. 

哎哟

忙， 但有时候也不懂在忙什么

工作， 家里的碎事，孩子，自己？

零零碎碎累积起来也挺多的

Stuff to settle: clear out kids old clothes, clear out old textbooks, clear out various parts of the kids room, clear out various parts of my room, pack, clear out own old clothes?, 

motivation kinda low

咋办?

生病了

I seem to fall sick in October. 

Recall taking MC in Oct 2023 and had Influenza A last October after catching it from the younger girl. This time round, it's a viral bug.  

I'd rather just have fever and sleep it away over 2 or 3 days. The cough this time is terrible. Dry itchy cough that is easily triggered by the fan or aircon. I don't need the aircon but it's quite impossible not to turn on the fan. Wearing a mask helps minimise the triggering though so that's helpful. 

Coughing my lungs out. Throat's painful and sore because of the coughing. 

Woke this morning with s sticky and slightly blurry right eye. Had to blink many times before vision cleared up. Hope I'm not getting an eye infection....

Jiayou...get well soon! 

17 October 2025

J'ai 45 ans. Deja. 

Average life expectancy of ladies in SG is 85.6yrs. (at birth, based on Singstats data as at 2024)

Means I am considered past middle-age already is it?

*horrors*

Anyway, it's been a while since I had a nice meal that made me so happy.

Nothing fancy, just vegetarian eefu noodles & my favourite battered eggplant topped with pork floss at Canton Paradise. Coupled with stirfried ginger spring onion beef. And with the company of K. 

Thankful that my birthday fell on Friday. Birthday leave + Deepavali PH on Monday gave me a longer weekend than most folks heh. 

到了这个年份有什么感触？

我也不晓得

只是觉得世界上还有很多事情和人间事故还没理解到，还没探索到，还没接触到

有时候仿佛觉得自己还不如一个刚毕业的年轻人

有时候也觉得越大越有顾虑

Anyway, here's wishing myself continued blessings, good health and happiness always!!

三菜一汤

Long time din update on weight. 

Happily at 49/50kg since end last year or early this year. Just need to maintain this weight. :)  It's weird though, how some folks still say I am too thin. Hmm...nvm..I happy can liao. 

Think it's cos of the regular home-cooked meals over the last 10months since we shifted back to this place. The 三菜一汤 that I diligently plan for each week...comprising of veg + proteins + one soup at each meal...

Unfortunately, I find it hard to remove processed food fully from our meals, given how much we love our sausages, and me my luncheon meat.... ;p

============

speaking of 三菜一汤....

I was racking my brains a few days ago and sought A's help. 

"aiyah I dunno what I want to eat lah, you plan." came the response.

zzzzzzzzzzzz......I made a face.

she followed up with a "aiyah do something simple. like sandwich making. just put the ingredients there and we can make sandwiches ourselves. We can choose whatever ingredients we want."

Hmm...interesting idea....let's see if I can make this happen one of these days....

Maybe discuss with K too. He has a larger appetite. I don't know how many pieces of bread or croissants he needs to have in order to fill his stomach LOL.....

Another 聊 session

In the midst of PSLE exams. Started on 25 Sep Thursday. Ending this Wednesday 1 Oct. 

I hope N is doing ok and not feeling too stressed out. 

She & I had a little talk last night. She could not sleep and asked if I was angry with her as I spoke gruffly to her before I turned off the lights in their bedroom. 

Explained to her that I was getting impatient and thus used a sterner tone with her as she was procrastinating alot and delaying bed time. It is a challenge getting her to brush her teeth & prep for bed. Once, twice, thrice. Multiple times of nagging. And even after she brushes her teeth, it takes ages again for her to get her bed ready. From placing the bolster in a certain way, to the blanket being laid out in a certain way, and the water bottle and watch and clock and her glasses being in certain spots on the shelf on her beadboard, etc. It tests my patience each night. 

Her response? "But it's not my fault."

Hard to talk to her sometimes. 

Hope to find a different way to get through.

Nevertheless, we ended the conversation in a good way with hugs & cuddles & some kisses....and she did not go to bed feeling bad. Glad that at least we 说开了 abit and she did not go to bed with 隔夜仇. 

Mother-Daughter Talk

Had a talk with N last night. A heartfelt one. Been a long long time since I had such a talk with her. 

And I felt strangely at peace while talking to her. I was not judgemental, I was not impatient, I was not trying hard to quell my own bad feelings.  

She spoke most of the time. About how annoyed she was with A, how her parents (yes she referred to her parents in 3rd person form even though I was there) were biased against her, how everyone loves the younger one but does not like the older one, etc. She talked about how A is good in class, is a teacher's pet, is a Brownie and is a prefect, how A seems better at most things, etc. How it is unfair that sometimes A annoys her and starts an argument but the one getting scolded in the end is not A but N, etc...She spoke on how she wanted to scold cuss words at home but could not, how she wanted to throw things or hit something but could not. 

I understood her 委屈, frustrations, anger and annoyance. I shared some anecdotes on how she could vent or let out her frustrations, etc. Also shared how she should not do anything to hurt or injure herself in the process.... 

Inwardly, I felt I could have done better as a parent...sigh...to minimise feelings of "comparisons", to be there for each of them in my own ways, etc...I will try...

Gordon

Got news yesterday that Gordon had a massive stroke at home and was warded in ICU. Visited him today and found out from Celine that it wasn't a stroke at all but it was a ruptured aneurysm near his brain stem, deep within the brain.

One of those things you could not have known about and could not have prevented. It seems there was heavy bleeding and his brain is  now permanently damaged. There seems to be no reversal nor recovery from this as well. Otherwise, his heart and other organs are all functioning perfectly fine. His vitals are all ok too. 

He just retired last year and was spending his time rather fruitfully with Celine dragging him on trips overseas, taking long walks, even going for barista courses, volunteering with various church activities, etc...

Life is unpredictable.

Feeling a little emo. 

Once again, I am thankful, very thankful....that my aneurysm did not rupture when I was 25 and that it was discovered early on and treated successfully. 

hmmmm

More flustered these days again and just want to 躺平. 

什么都不想做， 什么都不想想

只想躲在我窝里

能吗？

丢信的念头又来了， 今年仿佛有了好几次， 以前都没这么想过的 hmm.....

LPAs

Adrian helped parents to do up their LPA yesterday. I was one of the donees and had to login to the OPG portal to accept this role. Then I realised from the portal....K & I did ours up 4 years ago in end 2020....how time flies...

I told my parents about it at the time and it took them 4 years to execute....mainly cos Adrian guided them how to do so. My fault, I didn't follow-through. Also cos...they told me they wanted to read up on their own first. 

Anyway...nvm.....

Reality check

Had an hour long chat with my direct boss this afternoon after lunch on some sensitive work matters about how another team's boss spoke to me about tapping on my staff to fulfil the other team's work scope. 

Somewhere in the conversation...

Me: The youngest in my team is already 40. 
Him: We need to get younger folks on board to know our work. We're in a niche industry. It takes someone several years to know and understand how things work...and you're already nearing 50. When we leave, who's gonna take over? 

Didn't bother with his last sentence......

*cue cymbals clashing*
*cue sad music*
*cue close up shot of my anguished face*

"....AND YOU'RE ALREADY NEARING 50...."

Laoniang is mid-40s....I still have 5 more years to hit 50 ya...not too far but also not so near lah!!! 

岁月不饶人.....sigh...

岁月

年轻时的劲， 活力，冲
勇敢，洒脱， 亮丽 

都到哪儿了

留下的只是

焦虑， 担心， 愁
累， 怂， 懵

Itch

Eczema?

Ever since we shifted stuff out from BluCoral in end June & July, I had on & off outs of itching...one after the other...with some itchy areas just staying itchy till now.

Itchy scalp. Itchy area around lips. Itchy fingers with tiny bumps sometimes. Itchy armpits. Itchy back of neck with rashes. 

And most recently in the last 2 days....itchy patch on back of right thigh just below the bum.

Pek chek & worrying. 

Cannot be slathering myself with hydrocortisone so much right? Resorted to taking Zyrtec on one of the days several weeks ago too. 

May this pass soon....

Jiayou

Teary since yesterday. Not sure why. Emo cos of menses? But upcoming one is only in another 1-2 weeks I think. Unless the cycle is getting shorter which happened before. (Menopausing?) Tired of things?...

Stepped into office building lobby this morning and wanted to cry. Face was scrunched up and I took deep breaths lest the security guard at the counter noticed me. Luckily there were only 1 or 2 others around and they were all scuttling towards the lifts. 

Stepped out into the lift lobby at my level and again wanted to cry. 

May this just be a passing phase. 

Jiayou....

Words from ST

I am always thankful having u as my RO

More work to do (compared to last time)....but I am never alone....thanks for always supporting us and being around. 

==============

Words from ST. Some small motivation to keep going. Glad I have good colleagues & teammates to keep me sane amidst the rubbish that comes sometimes....

Jiayou Michelle!

Jiayou

Maybe I need to 冲花水

One complaint case last week. 2 this week. So many angry, self-entitled people around who are quick to flare up or jump to conclusions which lead to misunderstandings and misconstrued intentions.

Yesterday's complaint case is hopefully resolved. But it has dug up a can of worms which we did not know about for 1.5 years. Can of worms is being addressed at the moment. 

Today's case took up so much of our time. I hope our proposed solution works for both parties and the case can be resolved by tomorrow. Didn't realise my stomach was tensed up till I left my home work desk for dinner. 

Patience tested as well. Glad I have my teammates around to handle some of these together with me. 

==========

What does not kill you makes you stronger....

But 也不要这样 leh....给老娘一点喘气的机会好吗？

Resistance

I'm resistant to changes. Call me 古板, 固执 or suaku....but yeah, I don't use things like Apple Pay, Google Pay, Grab Pay. I don't use e-credit cards. I don't use SimplyGo on my mobile either. 

For the longest time I did not have the Singpass app as well, till I was forced to download it cos of some banking procedures. 

Just don't feel comfortable having so many things on the mobile. Yes, it's convenient but it's ok...I'll live with some of these traditional methods...

At a Glance

Snippets of stuff in the last couple of weeks

==============
Gum issues

Right lower back, then right upper back. 
Been using antiseptic mouthwash for more than a week. I really hope right upper back gets well soon. I don't wish to go for another round of deep gum cleaning. Cos...painful like shit. 

==============
Got my way (but erm...not really too?)

On a work issue where I managed to push my position and remove our hotline number from invoices...somewhat thankful.

But not so thankful that a boss has suggested something big and hinted (thankfully only to myself so far) that I take the lead in handling it as a FY26 work project. 

AI agentic chatbot to handle our hotline queries. 

救命啊!!!!!! No idea what to do or how to handle. 

==============
National Day Parade

We managed to keep our tradition and watch the parade this year. As a family of 4, huddled in K & my room, on our bed. :) 

And we sang the national anthem and said the pledge together again too. :)

==============
Work

Most challenges from the June/July period have been settled. I am thankful & grateful for those who helped, especially the colleague from Legal assigned to advise/assist our team. Grateful too for SP whom I spent some time disturbing though he was away in Malaysia for a short trip. 

There were other irksome moments like having to deal with a colleague who is always clueless and trying to smoke/muddle her way through things. But still thankful for having a bunch of other colleagues who are there to hustle together through various issues. 

==============
Mahjong

Had 2-3 short & simple mahjong sessions on some of the Saturday evenings when we went over to Adrian's place. Mum's the one who is gian I think. :D :D under the guise of teaching her grandson how to play lol....

I'm happy for these family times...and at least I get to hone my rusty mahjong skills abit. 

深。 呼。 吸。

烦躁

无奈

无助

工作的事情

下属的 rubbish HR issues

家中偶尔的紧张气息

自己的力而不足

逃避

坚持

继续

能持久吗？

有没有

一种蛋糕甜品

还是什么的

能给予我大量的正能量？

Work

That piece of work...is really stressing me out. 

At times I can feel my stomach tensing up. And there are days when I go to bed with my stomach tensed up, and in the morning when I wake I feel tense again. 

You know it's a sibei sensitive issue when your parent ministry takes a long time to assess and clear its channels just to provide you with its position. And clearance was at top-management level, with even the Min kept informed. 

And lawyers from both parent & your end are involved. 

And you need to keep your CEO informed as well. 

And.......sigh...

Alot of "firsts" that we met with after I took over the ops. Why me? 

(Reminds me of a white Tshirt I had when I was a teenager...it had WHY ME?! sprawled all over the front of the T-shirt in big bold and black letters)

Zapping me out. 

I hope, and I really hope that this issue gets resolved soon and smoothly too. 

Fingers & toes crossed. 

Kpop Demon Hunters

The latest craze from which we are not spared.

Thanks to the kids. 

Their friends were talking about it, and singing songs from the movie. Their cousins were watching it and the girls watched too when we were at Adrian's place. 

I "took" a crash course some nights ago. I googled and watch some youtube videos. 

Need to do some homework lah, so I can speak their girls' lingo & understand what they're into. And so I now know some songs from the movie too...heh, and I know enough about some of the characters to carry on a decent enough conversation about the movie lol. 

Oh, parenting!

Rental

We handed over our unit to the couple from HK today. 

Looks mature & steady. The lady is expecting and already in her second trimester. She seems cool-headed and grounded. Based on first impressions, I like her. She works for Meta, and the husband works for an investment bank.  

I hope the rental goes on smoothly for more than a few years. 

$$$

Read a recent news article on how a rich Singapore-Indonesian lady bought a bungalow situated near Orchard Road, an area where there were also alot of Good Class Bungalows. She paid $25 million for it. Rich family background. Her grandfather was an Indonesian billionaire who passed on back in 2019. 

$25m. 

Imagine how many low-income, needy, homeless, less-abled or aged folks that amount could help. 

Many. Likely many. And over several years too. 

I hope she donates to charity on a regular basis. 

Whirl

Many things happening at the same time. My mind's in a whirl and half the time I feel like I am not keeping up with things. 

Work has been challenging on certain fronts. Just glad I have people to share my woes with, and a nice boss to 并肩作战 with. 

On the home front...N's PSLE prep is largely handled by K and I am thankful for that...her ballet stuff, her DSA stuff, her entering puberty and handling some physical changes, her relationship with her friends, etc...

A's Brownies CCA is sometimes a killer with the amount of stuff to do to attain "badges"....one day plogging project, another day some reading project, another day some save $$ thrift project, etc...Just glad she's disciplined enough to settler her work on her own without too much nagging from us. 

Rental issues, clearing out our unit, reno, etc.................................................

I do feel overwhelmed sometimes...though K has been doing most of the legwork...

Some brainfog in place as well...I might be in perimenopause...or already menopauising...?

A day of many happenings...

Was in the midst of a talk on AI film-making when I got a text from K saying that A was at home cos she'd fallen in school during PE. Though her scratches and abrasions weren't too serious, her PE teacher still sent her back home. 

Got home after work and saw that her chin had a big bruise/abrasion. I hope it doesn't leave any scar. Her left knee had another big patch of scratches and a circular wound. The other knee had a smaller abrasion and the back of her left hand had another smaller abrasion. Hope none of these leave any scar. 

I need to get new gauze and surgical tape tomorrow....

==============================

N had her vocational intermediate exams this morning! Hope she does well enough. Poor girl had to wake early to get her hair done by me cos I had to go to work today. Her exam was only at 9-plus but her hair was all done up at 715am lol. But I guess she was happy she got to skip school. ;p 

==============================

K received 2 emails today, both informing that N has been shortlisted and would need to go for her DSA auditions within the next one week. :) Yay! Hope she gets through at least one of them! Fingers & toes crossed! Now to prep her for interview questions, self-introduction, etc...

Milestone!!

Was at Sandy Palm on Saturday evening for family dinner as usual. 

Adrian updated that they finally managed to get Dad to make a pair of hearing aids! Am happy this finally happened...am a litle shocked that this came so suddenly...

Seems like a forced visit to the ENT specialist finally convinced Dad to take this step. Seems he was told that continued hearing loss contributes to the onset of dementia. This was the thing that tipped him over I think. 

I still remember 2-3 years back when he was so upset whenever anyone of us brought this thing about getting him fitted with hearing aids. He texted Adrian at the time (they were and are still living in the same house, just different floors lol) and gave an ultimatum that if this was brought up again, he would 翻脸 with us. 

Anyway, he'll be collecting his pair of aids next week...hope all will go smoothly and he doesn't need much adjustments made. Still recall when Granny had hers done last time and there was so much hassle when frequencies were distorted, there was ringing sounds, her silicon mould had to be refitted several times, etc. Technology has improved alot since then and I hope Dad's aids will be all good. Heard they're pretty compact and not too visible too...one thing his ego was concerned about I think. 

Cheers to Dad's better hearing & an improved quality of life! 

CBT & visualisation

Several things happened before the girls' bedtime last night. 

N was still taking her own time getting ready as usual. 

I was already in their room with A and doing my usual goodnight wishes to A. We somehow got to talking about handling & regulating our own feelings and emotions. A mentioned she'd imagine herself as a big & strong horse with all bad thoughts & stuff scrunched up into a ball at her feet. She'd use a strong hoof and squash that ball of bad stuff into a flat piece as a thin as a piece of paper and then kick it away. That flat piece of bad stuff would then float away in the wind never to be seen again. 

I was surprised. I'd never taught her about visualisation or imagery. I told her then about visualisation techniques and how therapists teach adults how to do this as a way to have a better grip on their emotions. I told her she was good & "clever" to already know this at such a young age and that some adults don't know about this. Case in point, laoniang only learnt this method during therapy 6yrs ago lol. 

As if on cue...N came in and started kicking up a fuss. She'd been feeling emo & scared ever since she watched a few minutes of an odd and creepy Korean horror drama at Adrian's place earlier in the evening. She got increasingly difficult to handle and was working herself into a frenzy. She was bawling loudly by then. So much so that I had to take her out the room and make her stay in my room instead. Else A would not be able to sleep. 

I apologised to A...who grumbled "Why does she have to always throw such tantrums? Just don't think about bad thoughts lah! If the show is bad, then don't watch, right??!" Wise words from the small one. Earlier in the night she'd sensed that the show was creepy and opted not to watch it. Anyway, I digressed. 

I had to leave A alone in their bedroom to tend to N. In the short 2-3 mins I spent apologising to A, N had stopped bawling. She was sitting on my bed, leaning against my pillows & bolster and just staring into space. Occasionally sniffling abit. Probably stuck in a rut. I snapped my fingers and got her to wipe her face with a tissue and tidy up her hair abit. Also got her to sit up straighter. 

And then spent the next 30minutes giving her a mini CBT session. Cognitive Behaviour Therapy. I tried to teach her what I'd learnt last time from my own therapy sessions. Understanding that thoughts affect your feelings and emotions which then affect your actions...and sometimes your actions feed back into your thoughts and then it becomes an endless loop. I shared with her visualisation techniques how to better control your thoughts. And how to perhaps then replace those thoughts with more neutral or happier ones. I reminded her again about breathing and how focusing on it could help to calm oneself down. 

I tried my best lah. Teaching a 12-yr-old these things...and using language that she understands...I may not have done CBT much justice but I tried. And more importantly, I hope N gets it and finds a suitable way to regulate herself. 

I also shared with her that visualisation might be difficult to do in the beginning but it gets better with time and practice...I hope she remembers to try it out.

Milestone

I don't know whether to label it as a milestone or not. 

But Dad went to get himself a walking stick last week. 

His left leg and hip aren't doing well the last few months. He said he'd been thinking about getting a "tongkat" for awhile now, and he finally did so last week. Got a simple one from Unity. 

He's a proud man. For him to get a tongkat and use it in public....it means he's really acknowledged that his left leg is getting weaker. I guess the turning point probably came around 2-3months back when he finally agreed to go see a doctor and get a referral to an orthopaedic specialist. After my Mum's nagging....

Bringing him to the acupuncturist on 17 July, followed by an MRI that same afternoon. Hope he won't get too stubborn on me. Lol...

He's come around on his leg...but still hasn't come round to getting a hearing aid fitted...

The hearing aid thing is alot more sensitive...let's see how we can bring it up again sometime....

拿备

I thought having "I hate you" said to me by my kid was the ultimate. 

Never in my life did I expect to hear "You are not my mother." 
When all I did was to get them to go to bed. Wrong place, wrong time, wrong person. 

Nabeh. 一山比一山高 is it? 老娘 is carrying a 12cm scar across my abdomen cos of you lor. 

Nair mind. 

Laoniang take deep breaths. 

Laoniang will take as many deep breaths as she needs. 

This too shall pass. 

Kids/Tweens/Angst

Everything happens for a reason. 

Happened to have a chat with a lady from another department in the office. She shared something with me "Kids are ungrateful. Don't take it personally." She emphasised that she meant it with no malice...but just as something factual...a matter of fact. We were probably assholes to our parents at some point in the past. Just a matter of how big or small of an asshole we each were that's all I guess. 

N was very frustrated last night. PSLE coming. Her days are filled with revisions. And when she wanted to chill abit at night, her phone somehow could not work well. Frustration and anger set in. Guess who bore the brunt of it?

I happened to step into the room at the time to ask her to get ready for bed. She told me to shut up. I belted out "What did you say??!!" She instantly broke down and cried, and apologised to me. It was only a short while later when she was in the bedroom again and I was wishing A good night and tucking her into bed first. N was muttering stuff under her breath. 

I caught this phrase she uttered "You are not my mother."  

It was strange. I didn't blow my top. I was calm, and nicely asked her to repeat herself. "Come again, what did you say? Can you say that again please?" 

Silence. 

She started crying again, letting out her frustration (despair?). I sat there with her on her bed. A tried to sayang me & give me a hug. She'd heard it too, and she whispered to me "Mama, I heard. I don't want you to be sad." I assured her I was ok and made her lie down again.  

N started voicing out some of her sad, angry thoughts. Amidst spluttering, sniffling and snot wiping. Somewhere in between....I'm unsure but I thought I heard a "sorry" to me being said as well. Some silent moments in between as well. I shared with her too that it was not nice to say mean things and what she said was quite hurtful. 

Things tapered off and ended. N & I hugged and I offered to play each girl a song of their choice before they finally went to bed. A declined the offer. N asked for Adele's "When We Were Young". Emo song. While it was playing, I then felt the impact of the words she said. The lights were out by then. And I felt safe to start crying. Silently. To myself. Forced myself to stop by the end of the song. 

N then asked for "The Humming Song". A tune I hummed to them to put them to bed with ever since they were babies...They still ask for it once in a blue moon. Last night was that blue moon. 

I hummed it for them for awhile...before I stopped when they were fidgeting less in their beds...

Jittery

Jittery night. Did not manage to sleep it off.

And so...

Jittery morning. 

Hope the course of the day wears the jitters down or at least smoothens down their edges.
And there's the long overdue lunch with KH happening today too..

Jiayou Michelle!

Pantry chats

Met a lady from another department. We didn’t know each other till we got put together in the same group at a big corporate event last year. We had to run around Fort Canning & handle quizzes and games together.

She’s older and quite a lively person so I feel comfortable talking to her. Sometimes when we meet in office, we’d chat abit.

Today, I found out that her younger daughter is taking the O-levels. And N’s taking her PSLE so we were chatting about exams, teenagehood, etc. I left the conversation with a takeaway…it was a phrase her ex-colleague shared with her, said not with malice but as a matter of fact.

“Kids are ungrateful. Don’t take it personally.”

Useful phrase to keep in mind when the going gets tough…:)

Too fast

Small one might be entering puberty...hmm some tiny physical changes....and....

One pimple each on both her cheeks since yesterday!

Growing up too fast...I still wanna bask in her kiddiness longer...

The youngest in both the Lim and Sng families...

Hobbies...

Recently started tangling and doodling again. 

I'm not such a creative person and get stuck on the few designs/patterns I know...while I enjoy the doodling and drawing....my lack of creativity sometimes stifles things lol. 

I guess I move on from hobby to hobby too...crochet for a period of time, then stop...then dabble in zentangle & doodling again....then stop...then read abit (a really short bit)...then stop again 

买东西!!

These 2 days....

Suddenly 心血来潮...

Been purchasing stuff online. LOL...

Plogging

Spent the last 4 days plogging for 30mins each afternoon or evening with Alyssa. For one of her Brownies' project. 

We're novices and only armed ourselves with a mid-sized plastic bag, and a pair of disposable chopsticks. We mainly walked along the pavements and grass patches around our house. 

I was surprised though. Each day of plogging yielded at least 300-400gms of rubbish. And it was mostly because we did not have larger bags to store the rubbish. Bigger pieces of junk like trunking, cables and were left as is.

Day 1 - 82 cigarette butts, and random bits of paper, rubber and plastic. Also tissue, sweet and snack wrappers and odd pieces of small junk.

Day 2 - 60+ cigarette butts, random bits of plastic and paper again. Discarded metal cans. More tissue, sweet and snack wrappers. Straws.

Day 3 - 1 cigarette butt, 3 empty cigarette boxes, more wet tissues, cable ties, snack wrappers again. At least 2 plastic dabao bags (those used to dabao iced milo or kopi). Straws again. 

Day 4 - 14 cigarette butts, various pieces of styrofoam, many tissue papers, straws again and odd pieces of plastic, rubber and paper again. 

Many of us just walk along pavements without realising there are many bits of rubbish nestled in between grass patches, along road kerbs, next to bins, under bushes, or just on the pavement itself. 

Alyssa & I realised that when we open up our eyes to observe then we really can "see" and notice so many things. 

I don't understand though, why there are so many snack, food, biscuit, sweet wrappers around on the floor? If you dropped it, just pick it up and throw it when you next see a bin right? So difficult meh? Sigh... 

Your Clone

Alyssa came home from Brownies today bearing small wooden tags for K, N, herself & myself. 

One side bears our name and the side of the tag contains a meaningful message. 

I loved the one she wrote for herself. So profound for a 10-year-old.

"Just know that I am proud of you."
- Your clone

Loved the message she wrote. 

Wish I had her level of intelligence when I was 10. I think I was just nuah-ing around and irritating my brother at home at age 10. 

Woot!

Checked my HR app yesterday.

Checked my bank account yesterday too. 

Yay, performance and corporate bonus are in already...! 

内耗 - part 2

It's been around 4 weeks since I took the bus to work. 

Already expected that it would derail me somewhat. This morning was a jittery time getting to the bus-stop, waiting for the bus to come and the whole journey. 

Glad the "Coffee & Piano" playlist I listen to on Spotify worked its wonders again to keep me abit more calm and grounded. 

And it had to be today that I met with heavy rain again lol. 

Took me 15-20mins from the usual bus-stop I alight at to get to my office building. It usually takes me 5mins to walk to office. 

I spent a few minutes frozen at the bus-stop this morning instead, wondering if it would make more sense to backtrack to Labrador MRT station and then take the sheltered walkway to the office building, or forge ahead & brave the 500/600m walk in the rain. 

Considerations?

Which would get me less wet...and which would preserve my new calfskin leather shoes better. 

I ended up going to Labrador MRT station. There was only a big road that was unsheltered before I got to the MRT station. But....that small stretch....was enough to get part of the inside of my shoes wet...just glad it was not soaked through else I'd have another pair of ruined & grimy leather shoes. 

Mini adventure this morning...Here's to a better week ahead!! Jiayou!!

内耗

还是时不时地想朋友之间的友情和关系

Leave & OIL

Thankful, laoniang accumulated 10 days OIL, to be cleared in one year. 

I still have 43 days of AL out of which 28 can be brought over to 2026.

Which means I have 25 days (including the 10 OIL) that need to be cleared within this year. 

Ok....need to plan how to make this happen. 

Mother's Day

 Alyssa wrote a poem for me for Mother's Day. She did it in Chinese & translated it into English as well. 

叶子　－　林芯余

当雪从老天
落下来，
叶子都会
离开树妈妈。
有一棵叶子
还紧紧地
抓住树干。
那个叶子是
我。

Leaves - Alyssa Lim

Once snow falls
from the sky,
leaves will
leave Mother Tree.
But,
there is one leaf
still holding on. 
That leaf
is me.

Nothing from Nadya this year...:) Are we at that stage where she is so busy till no simple card for her mum anymore? Tween-hood....

Jiayou

Feel a little sad for Dr Chee Soon Juan. I did not listen to his rally speeches nor did I read his party's manifesto and proposals. 

But I know of him since I was a kid. How he was prosecuted (fairly or unfairly?) many times in his political career. And how got up each time he was beaten down. And how he carried on fighting for what he believed in. 

是执着， 是固执， 是信念， 是不服？

Whatever it is, I respect him, his gumption, his perseverance, his courage, his guts in carrying on all these decades in fulfilling his ideals & beliefs and staying hopeful despite the many setbacks he'd encountered. 

And I respect his wife too. Don't think it's been easy for her all these years too. 

Jiayou to him & his family. 

And it's a wrap

老了

Past 2 weeks of odd working hours during the GE period have turned me into a zombie. 

230am - 9am....then 230pm to 9pm. Sometimes 830am - 230pm...then 230am to 9am. 

Glad we've stood down from operations officially at 210am 4 May 2025 right after all local votes were announced and declared conclusive. 

More things to do this round. Maybe cos there are more paranoid higher-ups...and cos of all the scammy , spammy and malicious issues which started since a few years ago. 

Just glad things are sort of over....

It's 12pm now. And I feel like I need to crash into bed again...

Need to get my body clock back in order again lol...

GE2025

24/7 monitoring started on 23 April. 

Laoniang 老了. I feel more tired now than when I was involved in shift work in GE2020. 

Mid-way through...ganbatte!!

===========================

I feel a buzz in the air though....I can almost see it. 

GE2025 is so different from GE2020 where things were so muted and campaigning and hustings were conducted almost entirely online. 

I did not realise how I missed the rallies. I did not realise how I missed the trucks driving around bearing their party colours and loudhailers blaring party slogans and calls to action from ward resident. 

Till I heard them once again. :) 

Maybe age changes someone. I was never this interested in our GEs...this round feels different somehow and I find myself regularly catching the news and watching updates or highlights from mainstream media or from social media. 

===========================

I admire those who stepped up for the various parties. Whether from a small party or a big one with great resources, putting yourself out there in front of the nation, calls for great courage. And I applaud all those who have stood up to run. 

What I don't appreciate though, is the various netizens who lambast candidates online. As one netizen put it aptly: "Say so much, comment so much, why you ownself never run? Talk big only." 

Say what you want behind closed doors but to openly belittle someone else online, I think it is not nice. 

Granted though, that some (or perhaps many) of these FB accounts may just be bots created by folks who just want to be trolls or foreigners who just want to have an interfering hand in SG's business or bored locals who just want to "stir" up unsavoury sentiments on the ground. 

===========================

Kudos too to the many unsung folks working behind the scenes to ensure the whole machinery is working well...to quell any possible foreign intereference...to ensure security systems are in place...to ensure IT systems are working well...

Both the public service, and the many volunteers behind each party...

Jacky in the cab

Took a cab to work today. Lazy to lug 2 laptops on the bus. 

Cab guy made me "cry" lol. 

His playlist was all Jacky Cheung's songs, both in Chinese & Cantonese. 

Gosh, all the feels.....

I teared up at one point and was able to just dab away those tear drops....I thought to myself: "Lucky he didn't play 我真的受伤了" else I'd be bawling in the cab lol...

When I reached office, I thanked cab guy for playing Jacky's songs and told him "我的童年。"

He laughed and said "Hah nor...我也是。"

Thank you Matthew for a nice playlist!

Breathe

feeling stuck, restless and frustrated 

also having brain fog and lethargy 

stomach not doing too good 

anxious thoughts 

trying to 调解 

有些事情不在我控制之内 

有些人和事故也不在我控制之内 

It's said that we should just accept things beyond our control. 

Am I supposed to just accept? Getting harder these days. 

Mama

I remember friends around me found it odd we called you Mama. I don't know, maybe it's a Peranakan thing to call our grandmothers "Mama". Pronounced as M3 Ma2. I've known you as that my entire life, as have my brother and cousins. 

It's been 11 years since you passed. I miss you Mama.....and I miss...

• your leathery skin & age spots
• your wrinkles & big eyes
• your perfectly straight teeth (cos you had dentures ;p)
• your long long ear lobes
• your permed silver hair
• your super warm and big hands which were a lifesaver in cold shopping malls when I was a little girl 
• the way you pat your stomach when you have indigestion (I think I got this habit from you)
• the way you sat at the coffee table playing solitaire with 2 decks of poker cards by yourself. (I remember the cards were so well-used that some of them felt pretty soft to the touch and their edges were a little furry cos the cardboard was so worn out already)
• your yellow glutinous rice and its accompaniments like friend ikan bilis, sambal, dark soy sauce prawns, etc
• your chin chow & cheng ting
• your lo mai gai & bergedils
• your potato chips & kueh pie tees
• your bak zhangs & chap chyes
• your kebayas and kerosangs
• your "cilakahs" & "yao xius" & other swear words when you watched a baddie do his things in a channel 8 drama
• the way you set up your tilam on the floor each night & refused to sleep on the proper bed Dad did up for you
• the way you would spoon me on the sofa at our old Bedok home and sing nursery rhymes to me on some evenings after dinner. I was only 4 then and still tiny enough to squeeze with you on the sofa. 
• the way you tried your best to sign T.G.Q. on my primary school workbook on a few occasions because I forgot to get Dad to sign my work and I didn't want him to know but I had to hand in my book the next day and you were the only "help" I could get lol...I'm sorry you had to sign even though you didn't really know how to write or read...
• your old white cupboard which stood tall & proud for more than 40 years I think...it was definitely older than me and my heart broke when Mum & Dad sold the Tampines flat and could not bring that cupboard along to Adrian's place....
• the way you hid your various pieces of gold jewellery all over the house to spread the risk in case thieves got into our house. It drove Mum nuts but it definitely amused me as a young shild. 
• your feistiness and spirit even when your physical body and mind was not fully cooperating with you anymore..... 

the list goes on and on....

I hope you're happy & well wherever you are...and may you continue to watch over us and bless us...

女人

Since last year, it's been more jialat each time big auntie comes to visit these days, compared to just a few years ago and compared to when I was in my 20s or 30s.

More emo, more irritable. More backaches, more cramps. More lethargy, more brain fog.

Symptoms vary each month, sometimes one is experienced more than the other this month but the following month it becomes the other way. 

But generally all symptoms are more pronounced than last time, especially on the day before, Day 1 & 2. 

Checked among closer female colleagues and this seems to be the "trend" among those in their mid-40s. Of course, there are some younger ladies who've had bad symptoms each month ever since they were young. I feel for them, having to endure discomfort for so many years on end. 

Nvm..I will niam each month. And just have to 咬牙继续走....

Dad

Dad had a mini fall a few weeks back. My parents didn't tell anyone. zzzz. 

She only told me about it 2 weeks after it happened. Sigh. They were on their way home from church. Him being the kan cheong spider didn't want to circle around a raised grass patch which had a concrete kerb running all around it. My mum went round it, he stepped on it & attempted to cross over it. And promptly mis-stepped and landed on both knees. Seems he had a bruise on his right knee which no one noticed at home. I don't stay with them so....sigh. 

Apparently he's also been having pain in his left hip since a month plus ago. It acts up after he walks around 700-800m. After repeated attempts, he finally relented and allowed Mum to make an appointment for him to see a doctor at the polyclinic so he can get a referral to see an orthopedic specialist at a hospital. I only hope the referral appointment is not too far off. 

National Event

As the nation gears up for the big event that takes place every 4-5 years

On the work front, the nervousness and paranoia of both working level and higher-ups are making me fed-up and quite stressed at times. I only hope it ends soon, and I hope with all fingers & toes crossed that my side will be smooth-sailing and uneventful.

On a personal front, I'm somewhat excited and wondering how the rallies will be like this round. 2020 was muted due to Covid and there were no physical rallies. This round, physical rallies will be allowed again. Will it be as interesting as 2011 the watershed year? 

PSLE

Was looking through the PSLE dates and putting them into K & my joint calendar. 

Tis the year....

Wondering if I should take leave on those exam days...

Wonderland

孤独·是永恒无解的习题，但总有人不倦地陪你解谜

Found this quite meaningful. It's from Wonderland Season 4, a Chinese variety show. 

Wonderland can be boliao and draggy at times but I still watch it cos of the camaraderie of its cast members and of the various heartfelt conversations that gets thrown up in the midst of their interactions. I only started from Season 3 and am 1/3 of the way through Season 4. 

Season 3 had a segment which not only made me bawl my eyes out, but also made many cast members cry as well. It was a segment which made each cast member say his or her apology. It could be an apology to anyone or anything. The touching stories that came up, some were quite emotional and thought-provoking. I thought that segment was wonderful. 

Sigh

When you feel like a friendship seems a little broken or out of place 

But don't know what happened 

And don't know how to go about fixing or improving things 

困扰

Fragility

 A lady from the organisation was found unconscious at her desk on 27 March Thursday 11am. Her desk was on the 6th floor. I'm on the 3rd floor and I did not know her. Colleagues tried to resuscitate her and performed CPR while others called for an ambulance. Despite efforts and AED being deployed, she did not make it. She was either my age or a few years younger. 

Though I did not know her, the news still rattled me. How things could change suddenly. How she was find and made it to work in the morning but was gone just a few hours later. It's been a few days and I still feel a little shaken. Sigh.

Rest in peace Sharon. 

The Humming Song

Alyssa made a request last night before bed.

“Mama, can you hum for us tonight? It’s been a long time since you did it and when you hum I feel happier. I can sleep better too because it makes me feel safe and happy. And it makes me feel loved. I really like it. Can you hum for us tonight please?”

And so I did.

I hummed that tune which I came up with back when they were 1 & 3 yrs old I think. It's an improvised  draggy version of Twinkle Twinkle Little Star....I used to do it every night for a period of time when they were still little. As they grew up, I did it less & less often till it kind of faded away and was not included as part of the bedtime routine anymore.

From time to time now though, one of them would still ask me to hum that tune before bed…

I hope they remember the tune in their heads…maybe they can hum it to their own kids next time….

Owwwwww

Income Tax Assessment SMS notification just came in from GOV.SG

Logged in.

Saw bill. 

OUCH.

Paid immediately lest I forget and kena splash red paint by the gahmen.

OUCH. 

Ok...eat grass in the next few weeks............

Boundaries Redrawn

And so EBRC has published its report of how the various GRCs & SMCs will be like for the upcoming elections. 

Not looking forward to the work that has to be done on my end...and the jitteriness of the higher-ups and the possible scrutiny that might be on our team's work processes.

Fingers (and toes) crossed that everything will be 顺顺利利. 

Faces..People

Ever since we shifted, I've been taking the bus to work a whole lot more. 

I'm at only the 4th bus-stop after the bus leaves the interchange so I am usually able to get a seat. And I usually prefer to take bottom deck when I head to work...Over time, there are some folks I've noticed on the same bus at around the same time each day...

1. Haig Road Market Auntie - always sit at a particular corner window seat, and she's there before me so I'd sit next to her. She always gets off at Haig Road Market so once she gets off, I'd take over her corner window seat.
2. Pink Sling Bag Auntie - always there before me as well, usually sits on one of those seats running parallel with the bus, always gets off at Vivo
3. Make-up Auntie - carries alot of things, the moment she sits down, she starts putting on makeup, uses cotton buds to draw her brows, then puts on powder lipstick, etc. Sometimes applies a spicy ointment on specific areas of her neck. (acupoints maybe?)
4. Pretty Filipina in dark grey dress - which seems to be her uniform, always paired with black pumps, and carrying a black tote bag, with hair slicked back in a bun, gets off at Harbourfront. 
5. 20-something Girl with Dark Blue Anello Haversack and light brown shoes - always in pants, and gets off somewhere before Dunman High School
6. 20-something Girl with glasses, beige bag & a white crocheted amigurumi duck keychain - can't recall where she gets on or off at
7. Yeji (ITZY) look-alike - pretty 20-something girl who's like a SG version of Yeji lol, with long straight hair, always in Nike white & green sneakers. I like her sneakers!
8. Calculus Guy - bespectacled, Chinese, 30s or 40s, so far always trying to read a book on "What is Calculus?", wears a PSA landyard and gets off after me so he could really be from PSA. 
9. Danman High - Xiaobai - upper secondary school boy who's fair and reminds me a little of Lee Jong Suk
10. Dunman High - Pigtails - seems to be lower secondary school girl and always wearing her hair in 2 plaits. 
11. Dunman High - White Bag - seems to be JC level girl

So true

You’ll never know the value of a moment until it becomes a memory.

Saw this from a short film. So....beautiful. And so true.

ooof

Been my own punching bag for several weeks now. 

Need to get out of the 圈圈。

一步一步来

往前走

#!%$%^@$@!#

Hate dealing with a certain person from the parent ministry.

Hate having to deal with high achievers with snooty attitudes who write in circles, and use exclamation marks to emphasise certain points in their emails. (How rude though. It's a professional work email.)

Maybe I am just not good enough & cannot understand their "angmoh". 

Sorry lah, laoniang is not from that strata, I cannot comprehend things beyond a certain level. Sorry lah, I ish also not a full-time policy-maker. I ish just a 打工仔 who is trying to 过日子 and 混口饭吃。

AND, laoniang 不是 scholar. Laoniang brain not so good. 

Deep breaths. Let's not ruin my Friday night. Maybe feeling emo & dramatic cos menses coming soon? 

Options...

That feeling has come again. 

Wondering how long more can I "last" in this job...

If I can't anymore...what are other options in the future? 

Can I quit & get a data entry job or an office admin job instead? Knock off on time, no need to OT, no need to handle staff, no need to handle stakeholders.....

In a blink of an eye

And so Christmas is over, New Year is over and now CNY is also mostly done & over with (though we still have Chap Goh Meh on 12 Feb). 

This year's CNY was relatively quiet. Quieter than usual. We had 4 house visits on Day 1, 2 on Day 2 and that was it. Good also...else too much ra-ra and hala-ing zaps my energy. :) 

Spent the whole afternoon yesterday tabulating the girls' angpows. They had a smaller "haul" this year partly cos we shifted out of our apartment and hence did not receive any from the neighbours lol. But till a good haul nevertheless. Both are 小富婆s..... :D

..........

有心无力，要咋做才能更精力充沛呢 

That feeling of being stuck in a rut and just cruising along with no real growth & improvement. 

Mid-life woes?

Lack of exercise & hence motivation?

Shio........Pan.......

 I am not done with my shio pan phase. We're heading to Bedok Mall later today for lunch.....

A trip to Breadtalk is necessary. :D

7 February 2025

Happy Birthday Mama!

I miss you alot. 

From time to time snippets & memories of you float into my mind. 

Like how when I was in primary school and I often did my homework in front of the TV while sitting on the floor with my books arranged in a circle around me, with you sitting in your trusty orange armchair (with wooden arms) on my right. You'd have your eyes glued to the TV which was airing some rerun of a Channel 8 drama (and occasionally cursing in Hokkien at the baddie on screen lol). It was you whom I learned some choice Malay & Hokkien cuss words from lol. 

Like how I helped you to make kueh pie tee cups from scratch, dipping the metal mould into the flour mix and then quickly dunking the mould into hot oil and finding the right time to flick out the cup and fry it to a crisp. 

Like how we squatted in the kitchen to wrap bak zhang. I was too young & too clumsy to know how to  hold & fold the bamboo leaves properly but I helped to scoop up the filling & dump it into the small hole you made in the middle of the glutinous rice, and I helped to cover up the filling with more rice too!

Like how you'd make yummy yellow sticky rice with ikan kuning fried to a level of crispiness I cannot imagine, and other lovely side dishes to accompany the rice like egg omlette and sambal ikan bilis. 

Like how you'd make your own fermented rice and leave that huge bottle in the fridge...occasionally sipping on the liquid that resulted from it (I didn't know then but I think it might have been some type of rice alcohol.

Like how you always insisted on sleeping on your tilam on the floor next to my bed even though we had a proper pull-out bed for you with a proper thicker mattress. You always said you still preferred to sleep on the floor. 

Like how you regaled me with stories of when you were young, or stories from the war, or how life was back then in those days, etc. 

I miss you. It's been almost 11 years since you passed. 

Pondering

Wonder what will become of me next time. Me who is not a high flyer nor a super high achiever but just a regular office worker. 

We're in a performance appraisal phase right now. I'd been through a round of grading at my level with my boss. He went through a moderation with his boss already and shared the current results with me. 

One older staff from another team within our division seems likely to be given a lower rating. Just because of bell curve fixed quotas that we have to meet, and just because he is older and about to "retire" in another 2 months and be converted to a contract staff. I wondered if it was fair for someone to be designated a sacrificial lamb in such a manner. I wondered if his work performance was actually satisfactory. My boss wasn't sure about that staff's quality of work but it is not the first time this has been done within the organisation as a whole....sigh. 

Sad realities of life?

On the other hand, we'd given a staff  under me a low rating as well. But given that she had the lowest job grade designation out of the entire division, she was "saved" from this lower rating and given a slightly higher rating. Both good & bad news for me I guess. 

Oh...I dislike dealing with HR matters.....

The Bus

Took the bus to work this morning.

Nerve-wrecking given the long hiatus. I can't even recall the last time I took the bus to work. Might have easily been 3 years ago.

Glad that the bus was not crowded given that the usual bunch of school-going kids had probably cleared by then. 

Glad I had a nice corner seat by the window. 

Let's keep this up Michelle!!! 

Hope to

1. Read, Exercise, Reflect more
2. Maintain & nurture relationships with family, friends, colleagues
3. Continue being present for the kids 

2025

New year is here. 

I don't think I have any new year resolutions yet except to exercise more. 

And I wish for more stability, tranquility, peace, good health, happiness and blessings. 

Not just for myself, but for the family & loved ones too.

Staff

I'm on leave. But I am chasing one particular staff for her workplan submission. 

Angry. Testing my patience. I reminded the team at least 2 times. And I reminded her a 3rd & 4th time. She still missed the deadline. And amendments needed to be made to the rubbish submission. Amended submission is still not in after a week. 

$#%!@#$ 

"Scolded" her this morning and told her I should not need to have to chase you for this when it is your responsibility to look after your submission yourself. I don't want to have to do this while I am on leave! 

She is already on performance monitoring, and still not putting in enough attention to these things. I don't know what else to say or what else to do to help. Already given enough guidance & extended more flexibility than I should to support her. 

I pray for patience and direction on my end, greater effort and awareness on her end, and a tiny miracle. 

19 Dec 2024

Shifted. Back at JS. After 10.5 years. 

Myriad emotions. 

Movers came on 19 Dec morning 9am. My guesstimate was right...they were done with the shifting by 1030/11am. 

Unpacked 70% of my stuff over the past few days. But the girls' stuff and other common items are still 50% unpacked. 

Things are in a big mess with clutter everywhere. I hope to clear them soon. 

We still have things at our own place, and I'm wondering how to settle those things. Have pushed it at the back of my mind for now. Too many things. One at a time. 

Jiayou...

Emotions

Did not realise how emotional I might be packing things up for the shift.

A little piece of something, another article, yet another memento.

Each long forgotten till I set eyes on them again. And once seen, each triggering some long hidden faded memory and bringing to surface things from eons ago.

Also threw away various things. Things which I kept all these years, thinking they would come into use one day but somehow never ever did. 

Decluttering stirs up dust. Both literal & metaphorical ones. 

Slaps!!

Recently hired a temp staff. Over-qualified for the post cos she has degree (from distance learning) and a Masters from one of our local unis. 

She's 17 years younger but we get along pretty alright. I like her. Easy to talk to. 

Only thing is...I feel old sometimes. 

Gosh, the Gen Z slangs.....

For e.g. in a typed conversation over Teams....

She: The taste of the fried udon slaps!

Me: ah so it's ur go-to order

She: ya and what slaps even harder is the udon beef, then u add chilli....wah slaps!!

-_-''

Ok laoniang sibei old..sibei old school lol....

Resorted to google....In Gen Z, "Slaps" means something is excellent or amazing, and often used to describe food or music o rother items that are well made.