A board member asked me something via email. I had drafted up something pretty good as a response. At least I thought it was pretty good, and it's rare that I think I can do up something good. Sent it to the boss for clearance yesterday. He amended it slightly and said I could send it out today.
This morning though, he sent me a text message to let me know that he'd already sent out the response last night.
Xian max. It was a chance for me to showcase myself to the high-ups...and now that has been taken away from me. And his email sent out was actually 90% drafted by me. Wah. Xian lor.
==========
Peanut has an eye infection. And a runny nose (yes, again...sigh) and a cough.
Sigh. Get well soon sweetie...Mama's worried about you...and Mama misses your smiles.
You didn't smile that much last night and seemed a little dazed at times too. :(
==========
Going about my days in a zombie mode. It is affecting my work a little. I need to read and re-read certain things. Especially if its is a legal or policy document.
God, grant me patience. And quality sleep.
Wednesday, April 13, 2016
Monday, April 11, 2016
11 April 2016 - Granny's 2nd Death Anniversary
Today marks the 2nd anniversary of granny's passing.
It is true I guess. Time heals and time numbs.
While the events of that night 2 years ago and the ensuing funeral arrangements remain fresh in my mind, I feel less emotional about it. Is this called coming to terms with it? Hmm. I don't know.
Yesterday, my parents, brother and I went to Holy Family Church to pay our respects to her and to say our prayers. We each took our own pews and said our own prayers silently.
This time round, Nadya and K came along as well.
I'm not sure if I was less emotional compared to last year because part of my mind was pre-occupied with Nadya. (She was abit overwhelmed in the church and was fussing a little.) Or I was less emo because time heals...
There were some changes to the church this time. The offerings counter downstairs had gone and had apparently been shifted elsewhere. The Mother Mary statue and the guppies and koi were still there though. :)
==========
As for Nadya, I don't think she understood why we were at the church though K had tried to explain to her. She was mostly overwhelmed by the number of people who were leaving after mass. She was also overwhelmed by the main glass-stained mural at the front of the main prayer hall. And I think, like how I was when I was younger, she was probably overwhelmed by the atmosphere within the church itself. It just feels different from other environments and I guess she must have felt it too.
She was silent and morose and generally fussy.
==========
In the 2 weeks leading up to today, there were weird comments coming from the little girl.
She had met her great-grandmother 2-3 times before. But I doubt she remembers my granny because she was only a few months old then. Still, there is this family portrait at my parents' place with my granny in it. Nadya recognises and understands that the old lady in the picture is her "Ah Chor" aka her great-grandmother.
There was a night 2 weeks ago when she told me she didn't want to sleep because she didn't like "the old woman". I asked her "which old woman? what old woman?" And she replied "Ah Chor".
Gave me goosebumps after that...lol.
And just on Saturday evening at my parents' place, Nadya was playing with their home phone. She picked up the receiver and pretended to be talking to someone. "Hello, how are you? (blah blah blah) Ok, good bye." My Dad asked who she was speaking to...and she replied "Ah Chor".
Goosebumps part 2! Haha...
#truestory
It is true I guess. Time heals and time numbs.
While the events of that night 2 years ago and the ensuing funeral arrangements remain fresh in my mind, I feel less emotional about it. Is this called coming to terms with it? Hmm. I don't know.
Yesterday, my parents, brother and I went to Holy Family Church to pay our respects to her and to say our prayers. We each took our own pews and said our own prayers silently.
This time round, Nadya and K came along as well.
I'm not sure if I was less emotional compared to last year because part of my mind was pre-occupied with Nadya. (She was abit overwhelmed in the church and was fussing a little.) Or I was less emo because time heals...
There were some changes to the church this time. The offerings counter downstairs had gone and had apparently been shifted elsewhere. The Mother Mary statue and the guppies and koi were still there though. :)
==========
As for Nadya, I don't think she understood why we were at the church though K had tried to explain to her. She was mostly overwhelmed by the number of people who were leaving after mass. She was also overwhelmed by the main glass-stained mural at the front of the main prayer hall. And I think, like how I was when I was younger, she was probably overwhelmed by the atmosphere within the church itself. It just feels different from other environments and I guess she must have felt it too.
She was silent and morose and generally fussy.
==========
In the 2 weeks leading up to today, there were weird comments coming from the little girl.
She had met her great-grandmother 2-3 times before. But I doubt she remembers my granny because she was only a few months old then. Still, there is this family portrait at my parents' place with my granny in it. Nadya recognises and understands that the old lady in the picture is her "Ah Chor" aka her great-grandmother.
There was a night 2 weeks ago when she told me she didn't want to sleep because she didn't like "the old woman". I asked her "which old woman? what old woman?" And she replied "Ah Chor".
Gave me goosebumps after that...lol.
And just on Saturday evening at my parents' place, Nadya was playing with their home phone. She picked up the receiver and pretended to be talking to someone. "Hello, how are you? (blah blah blah) Ok, good bye." My Dad asked who she was speaking to...and she replied "Ah Chor".
Goosebumps part 2! Haha...
#truestory
Sunday, April 10, 2016
9 April 2016 - part deux
7 years ago K and I embarked on a journey.
How time flies! We went from 2 separate souls to one conjoined unit and now we've spawned the next generation of our own. Lol.
Our journey together has had the obligatory ups and downs in any relationship. But I can't imagine going through it with anyone else!
Happy anniversary baby...:)
P/s: 是我上了贼船! Hehe...
9 April 2016
And my baby turns 2.5 years old today.
Honored to be her mum.
Humbled to be able to give my love to her.
Happy to protect her and comfort her.
Hoping that she will be healthy, happy and strong always.
While her baby days are long gone, we have learnt to appreciate her toddler-hood. While it can be rather trying at times, we are also deeply grateful for all the happy, lovely, funny, wonderful and awesome times spent with her.
She's a stubborn and fierce spirit. Yet, one with a kind and caring heart. I hope and hope again that life will be kind to her and treat her well enough.
My baby girl, here is Mama's promise to you: I will be there with you and for you always. I love you.
Thursday, April 07, 2016
The Incumbent
Too much hate, vitriol and complaints on FB these days. Why ah? Complain for the sake of complaining? Whine for the sake of whining? Jumping on the bandwagon to bash whoever is the incumbent? So much malice sometimes. Hiding behind a screen sure gives people a whole load of guts.
I come from the public sector. While I might not always agree with policies set by the G, I understand where they are coming from. You can never please the entire populace.
Sure, giving in to public sentiment and wishes will bring the G a lot more support. But generally, members of the public are not policy-makers. Most cannot see beyond a micro view. Most can't see the macro aspects of policy-making. So going with what the public suggests will probably not have a happy ending for the country.
It is a delicate balancing act. Juggling between managing the people's expectations and what should be done for the country, its progress and its sustainability.
Yet, many people don't see this. There seems to be a constant outpouring of hate against the G and a constant vigil for when a slip up might happen, which, if it really happens, would then bring about loud baying for the G's blood.
Don't be too quick to nitpick. Suddenly everyone is a politician or an economist or a policy-maker who knows what should be done for the country. Put it simply, if you're so smart, if you know what needs to be done to fix all the issues, then you do the job. If you can't even get to that position or role that makes a difference, then it might be wise to just stfu.
I deal with simple policy-making. Very simple policy development. Yet, there are still many angles to cover, many rounds of discussions and arguments to tough out, and many hours of thought put into it. Just to ensure that the policies make sense, are watertight and do not inadvertently bring any negatives to people.
I cannot imagine policy-making at a national level. The amount of thought needed is scary. And the amount of intellect needed is equally scary.
We as a people, have enjoyed many good things arising from policies and initiatives set up by the G. Maybe it is more prudent to be content and appreciate the good stuff that we have, rather than focus too much on the perceived negatives. It'll make life easier.
The 30-Month-Old Little (Big) Girl
So K told me last night: "Do you know that Nadya knows how to turn on the light?"
I told him "Yeah I know. She knows how to use the remote control to turn on the light in her room. This has been for quite some time already."
K: "Nope. She knows how to turn on the light in OUR room."
???
@_@
The lights in our room?? We don't have any remote to control the light in our room.....
Which only means that.....omg.
YUP.
She is now tall enough to tiptoe and hit the light switch.
At all of 92cm.
(and 12.7kg lol).
Oh man....why do kids grow so fast?? I miss her baby stage!!
She will be 2.5 years old in 2 days' time. How time flies really....
And oh yes, she needs a ticket on the train and bus already...a Child Concession Card...
I told him "Yeah I know. She knows how to use the remote control to turn on the light in her room. This has been for quite some time already."
K: "Nope. She knows how to turn on the light in OUR room."
???
@_@
The lights in our room?? We don't have any remote to control the light in our room.....
Which only means that.....omg.
YUP.
She is now tall enough to tiptoe and hit the light switch.
At all of 92cm.
(and 12.7kg lol).
Oh man....why do kids grow so fast?? I miss her baby stage!!
She will be 2.5 years old in 2 days' time. How time flies really....
And oh yes, she needs a ticket on the train and bus already...a Child Concession Card...
Wednesday, April 06, 2016
Whoa
It is scary really.
I am conducting a simple background check on an overseas company which is trying to establish a formal relationship with us. Yes, I double up as a PI at times and undertake some detective work.
In the course of my doing such PI work.......I've come to realise that....
It is rather scary how much information you can find of a person simply by doing a search on them on Google. You know where that person is from, where that person is based now, where that person went to school, where that person has worked at, etc. You can even find tons of pictures of them. Sometimes, you would even know whether that person is married or not, whether he/she has kids, etc.
And.....
It is interesting to see how shady some of these businesses are. Yes, they may be raking in millions....but you see them incorporating their businesses in tax-havens like Cyprus, Belize, Panama, BVI, etc. It makes you wonder if they are involved in any illicit activities or any money-laundering activities haha.
I am conducting a simple background check on an overseas company which is trying to establish a formal relationship with us. Yes, I double up as a PI at times and undertake some detective work.
In the course of my doing such PI work.......I've come to realise that....
It is rather scary how much information you can find of a person simply by doing a search on them on Google. You know where that person is from, where that person is based now, where that person went to school, where that person has worked at, etc. You can even find tons of pictures of them. Sometimes, you would even know whether that person is married or not, whether he/she has kids, etc.
And.....
It is interesting to see how shady some of these businesses are. Yes, they may be raking in millions....but you see them incorporating their businesses in tax-havens like Cyprus, Belize, Panama, BVI, etc. It makes you wonder if they are involved in any illicit activities or any money-laundering activities haha.
Tuesday, April 05, 2016
Bloated tummy
Bloated tummy these 2 days.
No idea how to relieve it...quite uncomfortable sigh.
I look 4 mths pregnant. 5mths pregnant if I just had a meal.
True story.
Mega wail.
:((((
Monday, April 04, 2016
Achievement Unlocked!!
Nadya can button up her uniform dress already!
Way to go little baby!!
Mama is proud of you!!
😝🤓😆😘😍😃😉☺️😏😛
Zentangle
Here is a Zentangle piece...not sure if it can be considered a Zentangle mandala though. But really, the process of drawing these is rather therapeutic...:) the photo does it no justice lol...and I'm not a good photographer too. The piece looks better than it does in the "chui" pic below lol.....
Embarking on another piece tomorrow. Not sure when I will complete it though....
The End of My Breastfeeding Journey
And so...my breastfeeding journey is coming to an end.
Both intentionally and unintentionally.
Intentionally because I was already planning to do so. I had given myself the goal of reaching Alyssa's 6 month mark. She turned 6 months on 24 March...and we just started her on cereal.
Unintentionally because I had not planned for it to end in such an un-ceremonius manner.
Last week's sickness was a tough one and totally knocked my supply off balance. I had intended to slowly let my supply wane off on its own. Last week's bout of sickness zapped off my supply quite suddenly. I think the medication I was on was the cause of it.
I am only pumping like once a day now just to relieve myself a little and still, the quantity is only somewhere around 80 or 100ml. I am pumping and throwing it away too because I don't want to pass on whatever medication I am taking on to Alyssa.
So whatever stash I still have in the freezer will be my last few bags of mummy's milk for the little girl...
Although I wanted to wean her off at 6 months.....I don't know why but I feel a little sad also...
I feel like as if a thick string of our bond is being cut away....:(
Both intentionally and unintentionally.
Intentionally because I was already planning to do so. I had given myself the goal of reaching Alyssa's 6 month mark. She turned 6 months on 24 March...and we just started her on cereal.
Unintentionally because I had not planned for it to end in such an un-ceremonius manner.
Last week's sickness was a tough one and totally knocked my supply off balance. I had intended to slowly let my supply wane off on its own. Last week's bout of sickness zapped off my supply quite suddenly. I think the medication I was on was the cause of it.
I am only pumping like once a day now just to relieve myself a little and still, the quantity is only somewhere around 80 or 100ml. I am pumping and throwing it away too because I don't want to pass on whatever medication I am taking on to Alyssa.
So whatever stash I still have in the freezer will be my last few bags of mummy's milk for the little girl...
Although I wanted to wean her off at 6 months.....I don't know why but I feel a little sad also...
I feel like as if a thick string of our bond is being cut away....:(
Sunday, April 03, 2016
Tonsilitis
Friday night was scary.
My fever went up again as for the first time in my life I started shivering, uncontrollably. K said I had the chills and that it was common for someone with a fever.
I'd never experienced it before and naturally felt quite concerned.
I was in a Tshirt and cardi and long harem pants and socks. I was huddled under a blanket in bed, without any fan or aircon switched on, without my aide of the window open, and still I shivered.
It lasted a good 30mins or so.
And then slowly, around 2hrs later, I warmed up and started sweating profusely. Tore off all my long clothes before I felt better.
Glad to say the fever is gone. And the tonsillitis is much much better.
I hope the year ahead gets better for me in terms of health....
Saturday, April 02, 2016
Conversations with a 29.5-month-old
We were in her room this morning.
N: Mama, I show you how to climb (onto) the bed ok?
Me: Ok, show me.
N: First, you put your hands here and then your tummy here and then you lift your legs up!
Me: Wow, that seems tough Nadya's. It looks difficult.
N: Nevermind darling. You can try next time when you grow up ok.
Tio suan again by her. -_-''
I swear she's sounding more and more like us...and the way we speak....
==========
The other day while playing with her rubber hair bands...
N: You take the pink one. The blue one is for Dada.
Me: Why must I take the pink one?
N: Because you are a girl.
Me: Oh ok.....
And so generalisation and stereotyping comes into play that early in age? From where did she learn this? School? Peers? Definitely not from K or myself....
N: Mama, I show you how to climb (onto) the bed ok?
Me: Ok, show me.
N: First, you put your hands here and then your tummy here and then you lift your legs up!
Me: Wow, that seems tough Nadya's. It looks difficult.
N: Nevermind darling. You can try next time when you grow up ok.
Tio suan again by her. -_-''
I swear she's sounding more and more like us...and the way we speak....
==========
The other day while playing with her rubber hair bands...
N: You take the pink one. The blue one is for Dada.
Me: Why must I take the pink one?
N: Because you are a girl.
Me: Oh ok.....
And so generalisation and stereotyping comes into play that early in age? From where did she learn this? School? Peers? Definitely not from K or myself....
==========
She had a nose bleed the other night. In the middle of the night actually. When we woke in the morning, she said "I bleed-ed."
While the word should be "bled", I am surprised she understands the concept of "past tense". We never consciously taught her that so I'm kinda happy she's smart enough to pick it up on her own. I guess it helps that we all try to speak proper English to her.
Thursday, March 31, 2016
Mandala time again
A mandala that was done 2 weeks ago.
One that was completed today, under eh influence of Panadol, antibiotics, Zyrtec and cough mixture lol...not too bad actually. The drug-Influenced mandala turned out quite nice I think haha. Nicer than the one above :)
Wednesday, March 30, 2016
Sick :(
Down again. Managed to hold out longer than I expected since I started work though.
Fever, tonsillitis, slight cough and slight flu.
Doc saw me earlier tonight and put me on antibiotics straightaway. Coupled with 2 days mc and an instruction to take lots of rest and water.
Yes doc I will try to rest more...
Tuesday, March 29, 2016
Sunday, March 27, 2016
For posterity
How this mother of two looks like in March 2016.
We'll see if there are more wrinkles or age spots in a year's time? Lol....
Yummy yummy
Little baby had a culinary adventure yesterday evening. My brother gave the family a treat at Tung Lok signatures because of his birthday and recent promotion at work.
When I saw the menu I commented that she wouldn't take the first 3 dishes but I was so wrong. She tried each and wanted more! Maybe it helped that she was hungry too. :)
She had Peking duck skin and the wrap that came along with it. She had lobster for the first time! And wanted more...in fact, she had half of my piece....
She had her first taste of fresh fish maw as well. And soon hock fish in a green chili broth.
I was surprised she managed quite a few mouthfuls of the fish and its accompanying mushrooms and black fungus! They were a little spicy due to the green chili broth but she took them in good stride, coupled with many mouthfuls of water and soup haha. She did better than her 13-yr old cousin who only did a mouthful of fish and refused more.
She had her first taste of tau huay too! And coconut ice-cream!
It was really an interesting night for her and I'm proud that she was so adventurous last night. :D
Way to go Little Baby!
Blankies
This is the 2nd Aden and Anais blanket we've lost.
The first time the school lost it during Nadya's infant care time. I was pissed off because it was probably put into another baby's bag and the parents didn't bother to return it. How else would a big blanket disappear?
The second one was lost last evening through our own carelessness, under the eyes of 3 adults. While we were out in a mall. Either we are all seriously lacking sleep or we are all just too complacent and unaware of our things.
I'm upset mainly because the blankets material is really very good and I'm particularly fond of that piece of blanket. Though it's just a plain white blanket, it's very beauty is in its simplicity and plain-ness.
Sigh...
Wednesday, March 23, 2016
Alyssa @ 6 months
"Standing" at 66cm and weighing in at 7kg.
Language
She's making many noises which is a good thing. She is a rather "squealy" baby haha. She squeals much more than Nadya ever did. She gurgles quite abit these days as well...and gives little baby sighs that are oh-so-adorable...
Social Interactions
She is slowly recognising people these days I think. She is quicker with her smiles when someone she knows is interacting with her. And I believe she already looks up to her older sister. Whenever Nadya is around, she would be staring at Nadya and watching intently whatever Nadya is doing.
Emotional Control
Erm, little to say here for a 6-month-old. She is a very happy baby compared to when Nadya was her age. She is quick with her smiles and goofy grins. There are times when she raises her brows in a comical way and other times when she breaks into such a happy grin that her entire face scrunches up. Stay happy little sunshine!
Food
It's a trickier affair with Alyssa. She's a breastfed baby, till now. I only managed to breastfeed Nadya for 1.5 months last time. Alyssa has so far gone from 100% breastmilk to a 80-20 arrangement then a 50-50 arrangement and now she's doing 20-30% breastmilk each day with the rest being formula. Why so? Because I was aiming to wean her off at or around 6 months old. Well she's 6 months old now and my supply still hasn't diminished fully so I guess she will still be on the 20% BM and 80% FM arrangement for awhile longer...
I will be starting her on solids either today or tomorrow. :) I look forward to seeing her reaction actually. Because she has been showing interest in our food for several weeks already. :) She stares and licks her lips when I eat in front of her haha...
Language
She's making many noises which is a good thing. She is a rather "squealy" baby haha. She squeals much more than Nadya ever did. She gurgles quite abit these days as well...and gives little baby sighs that are oh-so-adorable...
Social Interactions
She is slowly recognising people these days I think. She is quicker with her smiles when someone she knows is interacting with her. And I believe she already looks up to her older sister. Whenever Nadya is around, she would be staring at Nadya and watching intently whatever Nadya is doing.
Emotional Control
Erm, little to say here for a 6-month-old. She is a very happy baby compared to when Nadya was her age. She is quick with her smiles and goofy grins. There are times when she raises her brows in a comical way and other times when she breaks into such a happy grin that her entire face scrunches up. Stay happy little sunshine!
Food
It's a trickier affair with Alyssa. She's a breastfed baby, till now. I only managed to breastfeed Nadya for 1.5 months last time. Alyssa has so far gone from 100% breastmilk to a 80-20 arrangement then a 50-50 arrangement and now she's doing 20-30% breastmilk each day with the rest being formula. Why so? Because I was aiming to wean her off at or around 6 months old. Well she's 6 months old now and my supply still hasn't diminished fully so I guess she will still be on the 20% BM and 80% FM arrangement for awhile longer...
I will be starting her on solids either today or tomorrow. :) I look forward to seeing her reaction actually. Because she has been showing interest in our food for several weeks already. :) She stares and licks her lips when I eat in front of her haha...
Nadya @ 2.5 years
Standing tall at 86 or 87cm. Weighing in at 12.5kg thereabouts.
LANGUAGE
She's pretty alright with English I think. Her speech is good although not grammatically correct. And she's picked up on Singlish too so we will need to correct that (and ourselves too.....). These days she rambles on and on about various things.
Her Mandarin's rather weak though. And whatever words she knows either comes out mispronounced, phonetically inaccurate or just sounds like as if it's a Caucasian speaking it lol. More work to be done in this aspect. She gets stunned sometimes when I speak a full sentence to her in Mandarin. When she recovers and has deciphered what I was saying, she would then respond to me in English. Bah, not good.
MEMORY
Excellent. What can I say. She remembers things from eons ago. And after several times of reading a storybook to her, she is now finishing up the last 1-2 words of each sentence in the book.
SOCIAL INTERACTIONS
I detect abit of myself in her. Shy and withdrawn at times, preferring to stand by the side to watch and observe rather than being in the thick of things. There are times when she just stares wide-eyed at someone who is trying to be nice to her...and then either scampers off or hides behind me. Yet at other times with people she is familiar with, she would be loud and boisterous and downright bossy. Think "MAMA! STAND HERE!" "DADA, SIT THERE!" type of bossiness.
I'm glad to see her having friends in school and being comfortable with them. Where some teachers lack in warmth and fun, I think having good friends in school bridge that gap...:)
And oh yes, she is slowly accepting Alyssa into her life...she will make time to give Alyssa some pats or try to play with her. Although half the time she gets frustrated because Alyssa either can't comply with her instructions or will just give her a goofy smile or a blank stare hahhha.
EMOTIONAL CONTROL
Working on this. Getting her to calm down and regroup her senses when she is in a tantrum. She is getting it slowly. I think. She understands when I tell her to "settle down first and then we'll talk" or "take a deep breath and settle down"...I can see her trying to calm herself down and even taking a deep breath when I do it with her.
But oh well, she's still a 2 and a half year old. Tantrums are probably her forte at this stage in life lol...
FOOD
She loves her Ribena, barley water and other cool drinks. She loves her mushrooms, of any sort. She loves her tofu, be it white or egg, tau kwa or tau puay. She loves her fishballs and fishcake. For a long period of time she refused to eat chicken or fish or pork at home. I'm happy to note she has starting eating chicken and minced meat at home now...I think the trick to chicken is that I don't tell her I am feeding it to her....haha.
She has tasted curries but still doesn't have a much of an affinity to them. She will get all red and teary-eyed before asking for water haha. :)
TOILET TRAINING
She knows how to tell us that she needs to poo and will do so on the toilet bowl. Peeing is a different creature to tackle altogether. She doesn't tell us that she wants to pee and will still do it in her diaper. or in the shower when she is about to bathe....Not quite sure how to "train" her up in this also haha. Guess we will just wing it....at the most...wash more shorts and bedsheets and blankets, wipe more floors, etc.....
LANGUAGE
She's pretty alright with English I think. Her speech is good although not grammatically correct. And she's picked up on Singlish too so we will need to correct that (and ourselves too.....). These days she rambles on and on about various things.
Her Mandarin's rather weak though. And whatever words she knows either comes out mispronounced, phonetically inaccurate or just sounds like as if it's a Caucasian speaking it lol. More work to be done in this aspect. She gets stunned sometimes when I speak a full sentence to her in Mandarin. When she recovers and has deciphered what I was saying, she would then respond to me in English. Bah, not good.
MEMORY
Excellent. What can I say. She remembers things from eons ago. And after several times of reading a storybook to her, she is now finishing up the last 1-2 words of each sentence in the book.
SOCIAL INTERACTIONS
I detect abit of myself in her. Shy and withdrawn at times, preferring to stand by the side to watch and observe rather than being in the thick of things. There are times when she just stares wide-eyed at someone who is trying to be nice to her...and then either scampers off or hides behind me. Yet at other times with people she is familiar with, she would be loud and boisterous and downright bossy. Think "MAMA! STAND HERE!" "DADA, SIT THERE!" type of bossiness.
I'm glad to see her having friends in school and being comfortable with them. Where some teachers lack in warmth and fun, I think having good friends in school bridge that gap...:)
And oh yes, she is slowly accepting Alyssa into her life...she will make time to give Alyssa some pats or try to play with her. Although half the time she gets frustrated because Alyssa either can't comply with her instructions or will just give her a goofy smile or a blank stare hahhha.
EMOTIONAL CONTROL
Working on this. Getting her to calm down and regroup her senses when she is in a tantrum. She is getting it slowly. I think. She understands when I tell her to "settle down first and then we'll talk" or "take a deep breath and settle down"...I can see her trying to calm herself down and even taking a deep breath when I do it with her.
But oh well, she's still a 2 and a half year old. Tantrums are probably her forte at this stage in life lol...
FOOD
She loves her Ribena, barley water and other cool drinks. She loves her mushrooms, of any sort. She loves her tofu, be it white or egg, tau kwa or tau puay. She loves her fishballs and fishcake. For a long period of time she refused to eat chicken or fish or pork at home. I'm happy to note she has starting eating chicken and minced meat at home now...I think the trick to chicken is that I don't tell her I am feeding it to her....haha.
She has tasted curries but still doesn't have a much of an affinity to them. She will get all red and teary-eyed before asking for water haha. :)
TOILET TRAINING
She knows how to tell us that she needs to poo and will do so on the toilet bowl. Peeing is a different creature to tackle altogether. She doesn't tell us that she wants to pee and will still do it in her diaper. or in the shower when she is about to bathe....Not quite sure how to "train" her up in this also haha. Guess we will just wing it....at the most...wash more shorts and bedsheets and blankets, wipe more floors, etc.....
Tuesday, March 22, 2016
Come on, Chin up!
4.5hours of sleep.
With a 20 or 30-minute interruption somewhere in between.
It's 330pm now in office.
I'm gradually nodding off already.
Jialat. :(
With a 20 or 30-minute interruption somewhere in between.
It's 330pm now in office.
I'm gradually nodding off already.
Jialat. :(
conflicted
Many many many things to do in office.
But I can't do them properly. Half of my mind is on Peanut.
Wondering how she is, and if she is drinking her milk well, and if she is getting enough sleep, and whether she poo-ed or not, and whether she is still smiling.
I miss my sunshine baby. Alot.
F this working mother shit. Argh.
But I can't do them properly. Half of my mind is on Peanut.
Wondering how she is, and if she is drinking her milk well, and if she is getting enough sleep, and whether she poo-ed or not, and whether she is still smiling.
I miss my sunshine baby. Alot.
F this working mother shit. Argh.
Sunday, March 20, 2016
The Man Cooked!
On the Wed just past, K was on leave. He whipped up a simple but delicious meal for me for dinner.
I requested for brussel sprouts and soba. He is a sucker for fish and made rice for himself. Hence the eclectic mix of dishes for our meal lol.
P/s: the garlic and lime sauce accompanying the steamed sea bass was very good!
Thursday, March 17, 2016
The Sisters
We've come a long way...
From being curious about her baby sister, to being a little bit protective, Nadya then swung to the other end of the spectrum when she realised that people were paying abit more attention to the "cute little baby" than her. There came a point several months back when Nadya didn't allow me to carry Alyssa at all and would melt into a crying fussing mess at my feet if I did so.
Fast forward to now...things are better. Nadya still has her jealous fits from time to time. But we let her participate in the caring of Alyssa (like helping to throw Alyssa's diapers into the dustbin haha). She does "sayang" Alyssa now by patting her head or body or arms. She holds her tiny hands too. Sometimes she gives Alyssa hugs or she ruffles her hair. Sometimes she uses her face to nuzzle Alyssa.
And last night...she lay down next to Alyssa. It was such a sweet sight to see.
From being curious about her baby sister, to being a little bit protective, Nadya then swung to the other end of the spectrum when she realised that people were paying abit more attention to the "cute little baby" than her. There came a point several months back when Nadya didn't allow me to carry Alyssa at all and would melt into a crying fussing mess at my feet if I did so.
Fast forward to now...things are better. Nadya still has her jealous fits from time to time. But we let her participate in the caring of Alyssa (like helping to throw Alyssa's diapers into the dustbin haha). She does "sayang" Alyssa now by patting her head or body or arms. She holds her tiny hands too. Sometimes she gives Alyssa hugs or she ruffles her hair. Sometimes she uses her face to nuzzle Alyssa.
And last night...she lay down next to Alyssa. It was such a sweet sight to see.
Monday, March 14, 2016
Blessed
I am blessed.
With good friends and family.
And of course K and my 2 girls.
Couldn't have asked for more.
My friends might not know it but they do help keep me sane. And they throw me invisible lifelines when I reach out to them. Sometimes, they throw me lifebuoys too even when I don't outrightly ask for it. And they are there to help me out always....even if I may not realise it myself that I need some assistance in life....
My family brings me joy in more ways than one. And well...I feel odd if I don't contact my parents for more than 2 days....
K and the 2 girls? They drive me nuts sometimes...I get angry and frustrated....But at the end of the day, they bring me the greatest joy too...:) And the greatest love....
With good friends and family.
And of course K and my 2 girls.
Couldn't have asked for more.
My friends might not know it but they do help keep me sane. And they throw me invisible lifelines when I reach out to them. Sometimes, they throw me lifebuoys too even when I don't outrightly ask for it. And they are there to help me out always....even if I may not realise it myself that I need some assistance in life....
My family brings me joy in more ways than one. And well...I feel odd if I don't contact my parents for more than 2 days....
K and the 2 girls? They drive me nuts sometimes...I get angry and frustrated....But at the end of the day, they bring me the greatest joy too...:) And the greatest love....
Mandala - the lotus
Did this on Friday 11 March 2016.
Did part of it while having a break during work and eventually completed it after work.
I don't use a compass which explains why certain parts of the mandala look a little lopsided.
Sunday, March 13, 2016
Driving
Went for a car orientation cum refresher today. Who was the instructor? K. :)
Nail-biting experience. I was pretty nervous. The last I ever drove was 6 years ago and even at that point I'd only ever driven a manual car and only for a few measly times.
Fast forward to today. Ok I discovered that an auto car makes for much easier driving. Yes I know I am suaku.
More orientation and refresher sessions coming up...
P/s: I still can't park properly for nuts.
Friday, March 11, 2016
The ring!
Somehow, I managed to wear my wedding band. It's a little difficult to take out though. But I'm happy to wear it still.
Been more than 3 years since I last managed to wear it. Omg. Lol. Since I became pregnant with Nadya.
sigh
Feeling a little imbalanced, especially the last few days.
While at work I think about the 2 kiddos. While with them sometimes my mind wanders to work-related things.
I feel inadequate in both areas. Like I'm doing a disservice to both aspects. Not performing up to par in both aspects.
Need to find a balance somehow....
How?
While at work I think about the 2 kiddos. While with them sometimes my mind wanders to work-related things.
I feel inadequate in both areas. Like I'm doing a disservice to both aspects. Not performing up to par in both aspects.
Need to find a balance somehow....
How?
Another mandala!
Another mandala that I did today. I think with my preference for symmetry, mandalas prolly suit me more than doing zentangle designs. Anyway I shall continue to explore.....
Today's mandala turned out a lot more detailed and complex than I expected it to be. Required a lot more effort than yesterday's mandala for sure.
Thursday, March 10, 2016
Qoo10
I love qoo10. Have I said it before?? I absolutely love qoo10.
It sells just about anything lol.
I was looking for a Sakura Pigma ink Micron pen and wondered where the hell to buy it. Popular seemed so far away.
Online I went and someone was selling it on qoo10.
I bought a black pen with a 0.35mm nib and another with a 0.45mm nib.
Oh I love qoo10!! :))
P/s: when the pens arrive...I'll do more entangling and drawing of mandalas hehe...quite fun and therapeutic! Plus the notebook I am doing the drawings in is small and extremely portable.
Wednesday, March 09, 2016
Voila
Promised myself I'd draw a zentangle mandala and here it is. Drawn on an A5-sized piece of paper. Better piece than the first zentangle tile but could still be improved. :)
My designs are rather simplistic. Will explore further...hmm...this is turning out to be pretty interesting!
Zentangle
Something new I discovered.
A type of drawing philosophy which aims to be therapeutic. A drawing meditation of sorts.
I did a test zentangle piece in office today. Finished it up in during short breaks I took.
It's a horrible effort I think lol. A 3.5inch by 3.5inch piece. Rather raw and not sophisticated like those I saw online or on YouTube tutorials.
But it's a start. :) I'll try to do zentangle mandalas tomorrow.
P/s: yes I know...my interests can be rather fleeting at times. My colouring book is still sitting in its corner waiting for me to pick it up again...no time leh...:(
My two loves
Times like this bring me much warmth, love and indescribable happiness.
My two babies...may you grow up and be inseparable as sisters. May the love and care you have for each other be strong and tight. May the bond you develop be as deep as the deepest ocean. And may God bless the both of you always.
Monday, March 07, 2016
So in love with this little girl
I feel more attached to Alyssa at this age than I was with Nadya when she was also 5 months old.
Not sure why. Maybe it is because I breastfed Alyssa longer compared to Nadya. Maybe it is because I don't get to spend as much time with her as I would like because I have a sticky Nadya vying for my attention.
Oh well.
Stay happy and stay smiley always my little sunshine baby.
Mama loves you!
6 March 2016 - First Trip to the Salon!
At 29 months old, Nadya had her first ever haircut at a salon.
Her pouty, upset and apprehensive face....
Still apprehensive....
Ok, loosening up...small smile spotted!
Yes, I was always the one giving her trims and cuts all these while...sometimes she looked ok, most times her hair was just an unruly mess. Partly it was also due to her having some natural curls....
I didn't know how to cut her hair anymore and brought her to the salon. I started prepping her the day before, telling her that she was a big girl already and could go to the salon at the shopping center to cut her hair.
She was excited about the trip tot eh salon actually. Right up till about 5mins before her turn came. She started fussing and kept mumbling "mama cut my hair. I want mama cut my hair. Mama cut my hair in the toilet."
When it was her turn and I brought her to the chair, she clung to me like a koala bear and in the end I had to sit with her.
Still, I'd say she did well. :) Not sure if the salon's iPad showing cartoons, or me sitting with her, or the nice auntie did the trick. Maybe it was a combination of all three. She calmed down enough after a few minutes and could muster a small smile for her daddy who was trying to take pictures. :)
She was proud of it after the cut and didn't allow me to touch her hair much lol.
After the cut. Ok I know it looks almost the same except for a shorter fringe. But well, the lady thinned her hair quite abit and it was much easier washing her hair after the cut.
2 March 2016
Welcome to the family Mr Legacy. :)
It has been several days and I hope you've gotten acquainted with the rest of the family well enough.
I'm sorry if Nadya has already given you a few of her power kicks. She gets this way when worked up. Sorry about that!
I've not been in your driver's seat yet. But I shall endeavor to treat you well okie? I hope you treat me well too.
Wednesday, March 02, 2016
Teary Morning...Heavy Heart
Nadya was extremely sticky today. Refused to get in the car in the morning to go to school. Spent 20mins coaxing her into the car. When we reached school, she clung to me like a koala and when her form teacher took her away from me. She burst into tears immediately and tried to reach out to me....Her face was red, tears and snot were flowing within 10-15 seconds of me handing her over to the teacher.
I said a hurried "Bye sayang, love you." And left quickly to minimise anymore crying on her part.
If she doesn't see me, I think she would stop crying and be distratced by other things and her friends in class, right? Right?
Sigh. :(
Now I understand what my mum said when she had to fetch my brother to my grandmother's house last time in the mornings before work.
It really affects your day when your kid acts up in the morning. You feel uneasy and hope that she is ok. Your mind tries to focus on work but at the back of your mind you keep wondering how she is doing.
Maybe I'll give the school a ring later...
I said a hurried "Bye sayang, love you." And left quickly to minimise anymore crying on her part.
If she doesn't see me, I think she would stop crying and be distratced by other things and her friends in class, right? Right?
Sigh. :(
Now I understand what my mum said when she had to fetch my brother to my grandmother's house last time in the mornings before work.
It really affects your day when your kid acts up in the morning. You feel uneasy and hope that she is ok. Your mind tries to focus on work but at the back of your mind you keep wondering how she is doing.
Maybe I'll give the school a ring later...
Tuesday, March 01, 2016
Thoughts
Bracing myself for what could be a challenging year ahead.
Mentally. Emotionally. Physically.
Work. Family. Self. Finances.
Family. I worry almost constantly about the younger girl these days.
The older one is doing good now and developing well so that's good.
The parents are getting significantly older, especially my father. There is talk again between my mother and I, about how to handle their property. Namely, whether or not should they keep it and if they do sell it, should they downgrade to a smaller flat or co-own another dual-key unit with one of us two siblings.
Work. I need to close up a damn project that's been around since 2012.
I need to start up 2 other projects as well. Not quite sure how to start these at all.
New boss is in and expectations and working style is all different. Need to get used to him. I think this is a positive thing. New boss, new insights, new directions, more improvements. Fresh pair of eyes to look at things and suggest changes.
Self. I have not exercised much. I have not used my new pair of running shoes though I bought them 2-3 months ago. I have not fulfilled my promise to K.
I need to keep myself calm as well. Keep my down times minimal.
I need to let go more as well perhaps. Find a direction. Somewhere. Somehow.
Need to grow.
Finances. Save save save.
Grow whatever I have. For myself, for the family, for the kids.
Plan things well. Manage things better. Learn and read up about things.
Evidently I can't concentrate at work. I am typing this out while attempting to draft out an important email. A lot of thought needs to go into that email and I can't seem to focus on it.
Jiayou.
Jiayou.
Mentally. Emotionally. Physically.
Work. Family. Self. Finances.
Family. I worry almost constantly about the younger girl these days.
The older one is doing good now and developing well so that's good.
The parents are getting significantly older, especially my father. There is talk again between my mother and I, about how to handle their property. Namely, whether or not should they keep it and if they do sell it, should they downgrade to a smaller flat or co-own another dual-key unit with one of us two siblings.
Work. I need to close up a damn project that's been around since 2012.
I need to start up 2 other projects as well. Not quite sure how to start these at all.
New boss is in and expectations and working style is all different. Need to get used to him. I think this is a positive thing. New boss, new insights, new directions, more improvements. Fresh pair of eyes to look at things and suggest changes.
Self. I have not exercised much. I have not used my new pair of running shoes though I bought them 2-3 months ago. I have not fulfilled my promise to K.
I need to keep myself calm as well. Keep my down times minimal.
I need to let go more as well perhaps. Find a direction. Somewhere. Somehow.
Need to grow.
Finances. Save save save.
Grow whatever I have. For myself, for the family, for the kids.
Plan things well. Manage things better. Learn and read up about things.
Evidently I can't concentrate at work. I am typing this out while attempting to draft out an important email. A lot of thought needs to go into that email and I can't seem to focus on it.
Jiayou.
Jiayou.
Typical Morning
It was a rushed morning as usual. Things went pretty okay. Nadya didn't fuss when my FIL put her in the car. Nor did she fuss during the journey. Alyssa was good too and was pretty much just being a smiley baby.
But when the lift door opened on the floor of their school, Nadya started fussing. Got a little messy here because the inlaws got abit jittery too haha.
MIL brought Alyssa to the infant care side and FIL and I brought Nadya to the nursery class area. She allowed him to bring her in so I thought I was not needed anymore and went over to the infant side to give Alyssa a goodbye kiss.
When I turned back to leave the infant care side and make my way to office, FIL was there waiting for me again. With Nadya in his arms.
She had apparently wanted to look for me and only wanted me to carry her.
And so back to the nursery class it was for me. Had to carry Nadya back there again before she finally could settle down and go romp around with her classmates....she was still somewhat reluctant to let go of me though...and said bye to me with big round pleading eyes.
Sigh. Hard to wave goodbye to such a face...:(
Jiayou mummy....
But when the lift door opened on the floor of their school, Nadya started fussing. Got a little messy here because the inlaws got abit jittery too haha.
MIL brought Alyssa to the infant care side and FIL and I brought Nadya to the nursery class area. She allowed him to bring her in so I thought I was not needed anymore and went over to the infant side to give Alyssa a goodbye kiss.
When I turned back to leave the infant care side and make my way to office, FIL was there waiting for me again. With Nadya in his arms.
She had apparently wanted to look for me and only wanted me to carry her.
And so back to the nursery class it was for me. Had to carry Nadya back there again before she finally could settle down and go romp around with her classmates....she was still somewhat reluctant to let go of me though...and said bye to me with big round pleading eyes.
Sigh. Hard to wave goodbye to such a face...:(
Jiayou mummy....
Monday, February 29, 2016
Keep well my nose...
The nose is stuffed. Sometimes it leaks. Not good.
I hope it clears up within these few days based on whatever medication I have on hand.
No...I don't want to see the doc again....:(
I seem to be down every week...
Now, where do I go collecting more mana to boost my life force? ...Haha....
I hope it clears up within these few days based on whatever medication I have on hand.
No...I don't want to see the doc again....:(
I seem to be down every week...
Now, where do I go collecting more mana to boost my life force? ...Haha....
人比人，气死人
So sometimes I wonder why I subject myself to comparisons.
It can serve as a simple motivational tool.
But lose track of things and then it becomes something that perpetuates envy and/or jealousy.
Not healthy.
Reminder to self again that I shouldn't compare too much.
I've gotten better at this over the years but I do need to remind myself from time to time still.
It can serve as a simple motivational tool.
But lose track of things and then it becomes something that perpetuates envy and/or jealousy.
Not healthy.
Reminder to self again that I shouldn't compare too much.
I've gotten better at this over the years but I do need to remind myself from time to time still.
Friday, February 26, 2016
What Are The Odds?
I've taken many taxis, whether flagged down or booked.
And I have never come across such coincidence. :)
I booked a cab last Friday evening to ferry me from MBC to Kembangan. And I picked up K along the way at Robinson Road. It turned out to be a Transcab lady driver (Auntie Lim) who was rather chatty with me. She zipped up when K boarded the cab though haha.
This morning, exactly a week later, I booked a cab to ferry me to work and voila, it was her again. I had thought the cab's licence plate number was quite familiar but it didn't occur to me till I got on the cab and saw her.
Fated.
She had taken a booking somewhere near Bedok but when she arrived at the location, apparently the person who made the booking did a no-show. When she tried to contact that person, that person rejected her calls. And so, she had no choice but to leave and hope for another booking.....And yes, I was that next booking which came along haha.
真的是有缘。
Thanks Auntie Lim for the entertaining ride. :)
Now I not only know that you are living in Jurong, but that you are a huge animal lover.
And I have never come across such coincidence. :)
I booked a cab last Friday evening to ferry me from MBC to Kembangan. And I picked up K along the way at Robinson Road. It turned out to be a Transcab lady driver (Auntie Lim) who was rather chatty with me. She zipped up when K boarded the cab though haha.
This morning, exactly a week later, I booked a cab to ferry me to work and voila, it was her again. I had thought the cab's licence plate number was quite familiar but it didn't occur to me till I got on the cab and saw her.
Fated.
She had taken a booking somewhere near Bedok but when she arrived at the location, apparently the person who made the booking did a no-show. When she tried to contact that person, that person rejected her calls. And so, she had no choice but to leave and hope for another booking.....And yes, I was that next booking which came along haha.
真的是有缘。
Thanks Auntie Lim for the entertaining ride. :)
Now I not only know that you are living in Jurong, but that you are a huge animal lover.
Thursday, February 25, 2016
Oh....My...Lips!!
I had some chicken curry for dinner last night.
And my lip eczema decided to flare up after that. Parts of my lips were itching last night. And when I woke this morning, my lips were rather red and blotchy at the areas which were itchy. I don't have a lip line anymore at those areas. More like a blurring between the lip and my facial skin.
Bah....
I don't like it when this happens. Because I feel conscious when I talk to people and they start staring at my lips lol.
I hope it goes away soon!!
p/s: But I'm thankful I don't have sausage lips like how some who have lip eczema end up getting...hehe.
And my lip eczema decided to flare up after that. Parts of my lips were itching last night. And when I woke this morning, my lips were rather red and blotchy at the areas which were itchy. I don't have a lip line anymore at those areas. More like a blurring between the lip and my facial skin.
Bah....
I don't like it when this happens. Because I feel conscious when I talk to people and they start staring at my lips lol.
I hope it goes away soon!!
p/s: But I'm thankful I don't have sausage lips like how some who have lip eczema end up getting...hehe.
Wednesday, February 24, 2016
Peanut.....
I am missing Peanut a lot. ALOT.
I spent almost 5 full months with her. I saw her everyday and spent hours with her each weekday. Now I can only see her briefly in the morning and then for a short while in the evening before Little Baby comes home and tries to monopolise me.
The guilt is there.
The mind is in the office but the heart is with the little ones.
I salute all working mothers.
Clearly, I have not gotten used to going back to work yet.
:(
I spent almost 5 full months with her. I saw her everyday and spent hours with her each weekday. Now I can only see her briefly in the morning and then for a short while in the evening before Little Baby comes home and tries to monopolise me.
The guilt is there.
The mind is in the office but the heart is with the little ones.
I salute all working mothers.
Clearly, I have not gotten used to going back to work yet.
:(
The Brother
Adrian just got promoted to General Manager of Events at his organisation.
Happy for him...:) I do hope the additional workload and responsibilities won't swarm him.
He's doing well for himself and thriving. Even more so after he officially joined the Catholic faith.
Kinda glad he did not take up that job offer from our uncle all those years ago. I doubt he would have been happy in that company.
Am I doing well in my life? I don't know.
Good in some aspects, mediocre in others.
Overall ok I guess. :)
Happy for him...:) I do hope the additional workload and responsibilities won't swarm him.
He's doing well for himself and thriving. Even more so after he officially joined the Catholic faith.
Kinda glad he did not take up that job offer from our uncle all those years ago. I doubt he would have been happy in that company.
Am I doing well in my life? I don't know.
Good in some aspects, mediocre in others.
Overall ok I guess. :)
Tuesday, February 23, 2016
Chiropractic Issues
There was a free spine screening session by a chiropractor in the office today. I went for it and received some depressing news.
My scan showed a stress score of 1,293. In comparison, my colleague had a reading of 300-plus. FML.
So apparently I have horrible neck posture and I have super duper high tension and tense muscles in the neck and shoulder areas. To top it off, my lower back is apparently rather weak. Besides the electronic scan reading, he told me all these by just holding my back and asking me to do some simple bending positions.
The doctor told me to go book a chiro session with them to fix my issues.
Sigh.
:(
My scan showed a stress score of 1,293. In comparison, my colleague had a reading of 300-plus. FML.
So apparently I have horrible neck posture and I have super duper high tension and tense muscles in the neck and shoulder areas. To top it off, my lower back is apparently rather weak. Besides the electronic scan reading, he told me all these by just holding my back and asking me to do some simple bending positions.
The doctor told me to go book a chiro session with them to fix my issues.
Sigh.
:(
Tears
"A drop of clear saline fluid secreted by the lacrimal gland and diffused between the eye and eyelids to moisten the parts and facilitate their motion."
- Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary
They lurk
Just beneath the surface
Ever ready to fall
At the slightest provocation
"Tear are words the mouth can't say nor can the heart bear."
- Joshua Wisenbaker
- Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary
They lurk
Just beneath the surface
Ever ready to fall
At the slightest provocation
"Tear are words the mouth can't say nor can the heart bear."
- Joshua Wisenbaker
The Now
Lines between night and day have gradually gotten blurred
I feel sleepy in the day and am kept awake at night
Life itself seems to be a blur
A constant heady mix of things happening and needing your attention
With nary a break in between
Work is another constant blur
Distractions and deadlines
People, mails, projects, bosses, the like
It is difficult to concentrate
I'm distracted
The mind falters, wanders or switches off
The mind at times too travels into a deep abyss I try not to go to
At such instances things take a noxious ominous note
I gag and I heave and I try to pull myself out
I remind myself
There are people who still need me
There are people who still love and care for me
I'm more blessed than others
I should be stronger and more content
I should think and worry less
There will be light at the end of the tunnel
The sun will still shine after the rain
Monday, February 22, 2016
Get Well Soon Peanut....
If I include PD and doctor visits for the kids in addition to my own, I think I would easily hit 1-2 visits to the doc every week for the last 2 months.
Brought Peanut to the PD this morning again. Poor girl has been having a badly congested nose since Saturday night. She caught a cold on the 1st day of CNY but it cleared up. For a mere 3 days before it started again.
She has been sneezing out chunks and dribbles of mucus. And she has been crying more than usual. I think she's tired too because she can't sleep well. See liao heart pain. :(
I'm at work but my heart is at home now where she is being cared for by the helper.
Jiayou Peanut...!
Brought Peanut to the PD this morning again. Poor girl has been having a badly congested nose since Saturday night. She caught a cold on the 1st day of CNY but it cleared up. For a mere 3 days before it started again.
She has been sneezing out chunks and dribbles of mucus. And she has been crying more than usual. I think she's tired too because she can't sleep well. See liao heart pain. :(
I'm at work but my heart is at home now where she is being cared for by the helper.
Jiayou Peanut...!
Sunday, February 21, 2016
What's up doc?
I've seen a GP an average of once a week for the last 4 weeks. And prior that, an average of 1-2 times a month since the birth of Peanut.
These are not counting whatever checkups I had.
Argh.
That puts it close to 10 or maybe even 10 trips to the GP in the last 5 months.
So the lack of rest has made me susceptible and vulnerable to various ailments?
Sigh.
I hope it only gets better from here on...
Tuesday, February 16, 2016
Headaches
I've been having headaches these 2 days. Basically, since I started work yesterday.
Popped Panadol earlier today and it helped for several hours but now the throbbing has started again.
I can only attribute it to:
1. I don't wanna go back to work.
2. The constant glare of the laptop screen.
3. The constant glare of the fluorescent lights overhead.
4. Suddenly using too much brain cells when the brain has not been picked at in such a manner for many months.
5. The constant sounds and chatter throughout the whole day.
6. The small talk and banter when you meet other colleagues throughout the whole day.
7. Missing my bed too much.
8. Missing my girls too much.
9. Wearing contact lenses again after a long hiatus.
10. Lack of sleep.
Of cabs and taxis
I caved.
I took a cab home after work again today.
Are laziness and a splitting headache sufficient as reasons for doing so?
:(((
I've spent $100 on cabs in 2 days. Sigh.
Friday, February 12, 2016
Of Monologues and Double-Words
And so, now that Peanut has started infant care and the inlaws have started sending and fetching her to and from school.....the monologues with double-words have started again. The same monologues we heard 2 years back.
"Oh the sun glare glare lah!"
"You want to hold hold? Alyssa grab grab lah!"
"Oh you want to chew chew and bite bite!"
"You want to mum mum is it?"
"See the tree tree, bird bird, cloud cloud?"
"Look at the [insert noun twice]!"
Much noise in the car in the mornings.
I need more patience. :)
Thursday, February 11, 2016
The long drawn weaning process
It's taking a long time but I think I'm doing an alright job of weaning Peanut off my milk.
She went from 100% breastmilk to now maybe 55% formula and 45% breastmilk.
I went from pumping 6 times a day to the current 3 times a day.
I will need to continue pumping at work for a few more weeks or maybe a month or two.
I started Little Baby on cereal and other solids when she was 5.5months and I would be doing the same for Peanut.
Hopefully that would be the time when I would be able to wean Peanut off completely.
I'm half-hearted about it though....weaning her off. A little guilty about it.
And also.....What if she doesn't recognise my smell anymore?
As it is, with her starting infant care and Little Baby being so clingy to me, I am spending very little time with Peanut. :(
Year of the Monkey
This year's CNY isn't much to shout about.
Besides the fact that K flew off for work on 初一 night, Peanut and I fell sick on 初一 night as well. I also smacked Little Baby on 初一 night, and was the cause of her tantrum on 初三 night and 初四 morning.
I hope tonight will be better. I shall rein in myself and attempt to be less harsh/strict on Little Baby. Sometimes, maybe discipline can take a backseat?
Fingers crossed that the weeks and months and year ahead will be better.
Tuesday, February 09, 2016
大年初二
Lunch was plain rice with some corn soup, plain tau kwa and some sotong balls. A little pathetic but the helper and I were looking back after Peanut and couldn't do much else.
My nose was starting to drip and so I popped a flu pill and promptly concussed for 1.5hrs. Helper was watching over the napping Peanut and besides, I didn't give her any instructions for dinner. And so voila...we don't have dinner.
Instant noodles to the rescue.
Yes a little pathetic again....
This CNY hasn't been all that rosy but I'm just happy Peanut is still smiling sometimes amidst her crankiness and general malaise.
Fingers crossed.
明天会更好啊!!
大年初一
I smacked Little Baby and shouted at her numerous times last night.
(Besides the usual hugs and kisses she gets from me.)
Didn't want to do so on the first day of CNY but I guess there's no choice when the situation calls for it.
:(
If there's any consolation. I explained why I had to scold and smack her and she seemed to brush off the incident within minutes.
Sigh.
Alone with helper. K is away for a work trip.
One girl is down with fever and runny nose and very cranky.
The other is recovering from diarrhoea but still fussy and volatile and sticky as hell to me.
I eventually slept at 12am. Only to be awoken by her cries at 1230am. The helper settled her while I settled Little Baby who had woken up as well due to the noise.
215am. Little baby woke again and was fussing like shit. No idea why, just incessant whining and fussing and kicking.
I hope that's the end of tonight's challenges.
FML lah. I know I 犯太岁 this year but no need to "choot" so much pattern when it's 大年初一 right?!
And now I feel the onset of a bad sore throat and a sniffly nose. Plus I seem to be growing a cyst next to one of my ears.
Sigh. Argh. Bah. Bleah.
%#<^*!!?!!><]#%£€¥!!!%#
Monday, February 08, 2016
Granny
Granny would have been 100 years old on 7 Feb if she were still around.
Ally said she was prolly enjoying herself and having a good game of mahjong up in heaven.
I like that idea. :)
And she's prolly playing with Ipoh, Tuan Ku and her eldest sister who passed on like maybe 60/70/80 years ago...
Happy Chinese New Year Mama...Selamat Tahun Baru Cina...
I miss your potato chips, buah keluak, hee peow soup and acar...these were all your CNY specialities...
Saturday, February 06, 2016
When going out
Before kids
- In contact lenses
- With make-up
- Colour-coordinated outfit
- Matching footwear
- Almost flawless hair
After kids
- In specs (of which the bronze surface is incidentally starting to peel off to reveal the silver base beneath. Super obiang I know)
- No make-up
- Non-colour coordinated outfit
- Non-matching footwear
- Bed hair (it's a bonus if I manage to brush through it once before leaving the house)
P/s: somehow these days I am not brushing my teeth before bed. I end up just crawling into bed....ok bad habit I know. :(
Friday, January 29, 2016
Little Baby
CNY celebration in her school today.
Her class was supposed to put up a number. A CNY song complete with accompanying hand actions. She was sitting with me when her class' turn came and a Chinese teacher plucked her out from my arms and brought her to the front of the large room where all teachers, parents and children were gathered.
She was clingy today and promptly burst into tears. I had to sit with her in the front of the room. Thankfully some of her other classmates insisted that their parents say with them too so I was not the only adult there.
Even though I was with her, she still refused to sing, let alone do the hand actions.
She withdraws in front of strangers. She withdraws even more in front of a small group. And today's group was much larger than usual and noisier as well. She was frightened out of her wits I think. She kept clinging to me, sat on my lap and did not want to budge.
My dear daughter...I know. Mama hates crowds too and doesn't really like performing in front of one.
But hey, Mama did eventually participate in a dance performance item in front of the entire school. At the age of 17. It takes time and some effort. Jiayou ok...:) Dada and Mama are behind you all the way!
Thursday, January 28, 2016
Milky business
I took a massive amount of antibiotics for my dental appointment on 21 Jan last week and was advised to stop breastfeeding the baby for a whole week.
Anyway I had at least 25 packets of milk in the freezer that was enough to feed her for the week. I just resumed feeding her my milk again today, after pumping and dumping for the entire week.
I calculated how much I pumped and dumped and my jaw dropped.
I threw away 4 litres of my milk.
Two things stood out.
1) I threw that much milk away?! Gosh that's like 4 cartons of milk leh!! Heart pain lor....:( So wasted...mega sayang!! Sigh....
2) Omg you mean I am producing that amount of milk in a single week? 4L in 7 days? Whoa...I never knew because I never thought to measure or do a calculation. Plus this is when I am trying to wean her off and start her on formula milk somemore. Imagine last time when she was fully on my milk, I think I was producing more..possibly up to 5L in a week. Wow...
Tuesday, January 26, 2016
The Flying K
And so it has started.
From today, K will be traveling once a week for the next 4 weeks. For 2-3 days each time.
Praying for safe travels.
And praying for a cooperative time from the two sisters.
Sunday, January 24, 2016
Peranakan Makan part 2
We were reminiscing this morning, my parents and I.
Of food that my granny used to make.
Cincalok
Acar
Bee Hoon Titek
Fermented Rice
Her special Sambal
Her own potato chips
Yellow Rice
And the list goes on....
Peranakan Makan
Every year, just before CNY arrives, I would spend either a Saturday or a Sunday morning with my parents, slaving away in their kitchen to make buah keluak for CNY. This tradition has not stopped even though I moved out almost 4 years ago.
I'm not sure when this started but it has become a given such that we would book the date way in advance. Like in December or November the previous year lol.
K helped out last year and this year as well. This year, it was because I had to look after Peanut whom we brought over to my parents place as well. She was fussing and I had to tend to her and so K took over some of my cooking duties. :)
Rudeness
I had someone send me a message through Whatsapp. He asked for my opinion on which design to choose for his corporate brochure as well as for my feedback, if any, on the designs available.
I gave him my choice and provided him some simple feedback. And thereafter there was zero response from him.
Like wtf? I took my time to help you evaluate and then there was no response? Not even a thank you? How rude can you be? And no, you are obviously not that busy if you have the time to type out a 300-word FB status.
Why ask me in the first place if you are not keen or sincere enough to respond?
Saturday, January 23, 2016
Simian lines
Suddenly wish that I knew someone with knowledge of palmistry.
Why?
Because both my daughters are born with their head and heart lines joined together to form a deep single line on their left palms. And that line runs from edge to edge.
Big coincidence I think.
Because I know no one who has this, except for an uncle of mine. He happens to have both heart and head lines joined together to form a single line, on both palms. A fortune teller my maternal grandmother went to said that my uncle would have good fortune and luck.
But if this phenomenon only appears on the left palm? Then what?
A quick search on Google told me that such lines are called Simian lines. They indicate great intensity but also a tendency to rush into things without thinking clearly or thoroughly enough. Folks with these lines apparently do achieve more than others but they also face more obstacles and misfortunes in their journey in life.
Wish someone could read their palms for me and tell me what my girls will be like next time.
But then again...que sera sera?
Friday, January 22, 2016
Little Baby's Assignment
And so Little Baby isn't so little anymore. She just received her first piece of "homework" yesterday.
A white glove that she, together with a parent, is supposed to get creative with. We could colour, paint, embellish or dye the glove.
I couldn't hold her attention long enough and we ended up just emblazoning the glove with multiple colours from her marker pens. Maybe we can do more tonight. Like stick some paper hearts on it or something.
P/s: we're supposed to submit the decorated glove back to her teacher on Monday together with a family photo so that she can do a show-n-tell.
Wahrau, I is noob!! Show what tell what ah??!! And we are supposed to practice with her I think. The instructions given by the teacher weren't very clear. :(
"This ish my mama, this ish my dada, this ish my meimei." Is it??
Pong Tau Hu
It's been a long while since I cooked something Peranakan.
Well technically, I didn't cook this Pong Tau Hu soup today. But I gave detailed instructions to my helper lol. And popped by the kitchen from time to time to guide her along. What to do? Either one of us has to look after the baby.
Turned out a little oilier than I wanted (helper has a heavy hand for oil) but the taste is pretty much there.
Thursday, January 21, 2016
What I would like to say
(Long long long post...)
To my 8-year-old self:
Sweetie, it is very rude to tell someone else "Byebye fat pig!". Even if that other person is really on the heavier end of the weighing scale. You have much to learn about respect, diplomacy, good behavior and social etiquette. And, you totally embarrassed your parents when you said that to their friends' kid. Be nice. Treat others the way you would want to be treated.
Stop comparing yourself with others. All girls develop differently and to each their own pace. You are unique and beautiful in your own way. Don't worry about being left on the shelf too, the boys will come next time....trust me.
To my 15-year-old self:
Rock on! Stay cheerful! Continue nurturing and developing those friendships of yours for they will turn out to be some of the best ones you will ever have.
To my 16-year-old self:
It is okay to have some healthy competition amongst your peers in school. Just don't make it an all-consuming goal to best every single one of them in each test or exam. It burns you out way too quickly. There are still many years ahead of you, both in terms of schooling and then working.
Pace yourself and learn to take it easy sometimes. Scoring a mark less than that other brainy girl is no biggie, save for the fact that your ego took a slight knock. And so what if you were the only student in the whole school to get an A1 for English Literature or if you were the top O-level student in your school for your cohort? It means little when you go out to work in the future. Really, it doesn't mean a thing.
To my 17-year-old self:
Like I said. Learn to take it easy. Slow down. Smell the roses. Don't put too much pressure on yourself and don't have such high expectations of yourself. Don't put too many things on your plate either. It really does burn you out. Nobody is asking you to be top-notch at everything from studies to ECA. Your parents aren't even telling you to. Taking the anti-depressant Xanax for 2 weeks is fine. It wouldn't be good at all if you needed to take it for months or years.
To my 19-year old self:
Enjoy the freedom doll. But bear in mind too that you need to be responsible for your actions. Don't lose focus. Getting the first Ds in your life was a sound wake-up call, right? Enjoy all the hostel activities but erm, do remember that all suppers eventually end up on your waist, thighs and hips. And well, I told you the boys would come. Choose wisely. Years spent and lost with the wrong person by your side would never be regained.
To my 22-year-old self:
It is okay to not know what you want. It is okay to be lost and unsure of what you want your career to be. Go forth and explore but at the same time, don't shortchange yourself. And, don't be too naive.
To my 24-year-old self:
Use your youth wisely. It is one of your biggest asset so don't squander it away. Sure, spend your days having fun and enjoying life but also, do spend some time enriching yourself and learning new things. In business and at work, treat others with respect. You'll earn theirs too.
And, your parents might be a pain in the ass but that is because they've been through life and they sometimes really do know better.
To my 25-year-old self:
Life throws you major curveballs sometimes. You'll have to learn to live with it. Surround yourself with friends who love and support you. They make a difference to how wonderful your life can be. Plus sometimes you need their help to manage those damned curveballs. And, your parents, however callous or overbearing or naggy or argumentative they might be, really just love you to bits. That's just the way they show it. Love them back with equal ferocity, if not more.
To my 27-year-old self:
Everyone changes. Everyone has a different side to them. And everyone makes mistakes. If some of these people happen to be your closest friends, learn to accept their failings and more importantly, learn from their misjudgements. For those who are willing to change, be there for them. It may seem like there is no sanctity in marriage or relationships anymore but for every bad situation you come across, know that there are at least 20 other good ones.
To my 28-year-old self:
Remember again that life throws you curveballs. Sometimes it cuts deep and breaks your heart into a million shards. But that is so that you can heal again and be reborn as a stronger and wiser person. Go easy on the drinks by now. You're not as young as you used to be and your stomach is not as strong as it used to be. 4 small bottles of beer every Friday night for a year and more seems of little significance but trust me, cut down on the drinks and your health and stomach will be thankful later on in life.
Embrace the opportunities given to you at work. Embrace the travel opportunities as well. Learn and experience things. It helps your mind grow.
To my 29-year-old self:
Rejuvenation and recalibration sometimes go hand in hand. Be brave and open new doors. Be open and love again. Be courageous. Yes and keep up with the exercise. Your body will thank you for it. Feed your brain with new things too so it doesn't stagnate. Work hard, but do take a step back to smell the roses and play a little as well.
To my 32-year-old self:
Live and let live. Sometimes taking a step back works better for the good of the whole situation. Changes may be for the better. They definitely test your limits and adaptability and they definitely give you an opportunity to learn and grow.
To my 33-year-old self:
Don't worry. You are doing just fine. Yes, you may feel the need to step up but bear in mind too that motherhood is a learning journey. No one knows what to do immediately when they become a mother. Do take care of yourself too. When you are fine and well, you can then care for your little one in your biggest capacity. Oh, and I bet you didn't know your heart could be filled with so much love, right?
Toothy affair
Glad I got it done. One off my to-do list.
I went to the dentist this morning. This appointment had been delayed for a good 20months. Mainly because of my pregnancy and Peanut's birth.
Admittedly, since the latest pregnancy, I've not been brushing my teeth regularly at night. So I am really glad that my teeth are ok except for a small chipped portion which was mended with some filling.
The only downside of this dental appointment is that I need to "pump and throw" my milk for a good 5-6 days after the appointment.
Why so?
Because I have to pop 8 antibiotic pills before each of my dental appointments. Today was no exception. And this is an unwelcome inconvenience due to my mild heart issue. Because of the strong presence of antibiotics in my bloodstream these few days, I need to lay off breastfeeding. Hence the "pump and throw" situation. :( I did a simple calculation. I will be throwing away at least 3 to 4 litres of my milk. Zzzzzz.....
I went to the dentist this morning. This appointment had been delayed for a good 20months. Mainly because of my pregnancy and Peanut's birth.
Admittedly, since the latest pregnancy, I've not been brushing my teeth regularly at night. So I am really glad that my teeth are ok except for a small chipped portion which was mended with some filling.
The only downside of this dental appointment is that I need to "pump and throw" my milk for a good 5-6 days after the appointment.
Why so?
Because I have to pop 8 antibiotic pills before each of my dental appointments. Today was no exception. And this is an unwelcome inconvenience due to my mild heart issue. Because of the strong presence of antibiotics in my bloodstream these few days, I need to lay off breastfeeding. Hence the "pump and throw" situation. :( I did a simple calculation. I will be throwing away at least 3 to 4 litres of my milk. Zzzzzz.....
Wednesday, January 20, 2016
Work
New boss = new pet
Hmm...with the change of guard, this shell has fallen out of favour and is now languishing in neutral territory again. Plus the rest have had 5 extra months to showcase themselves to him, during this period that I am away.
Well, at least I am thankful I am not on hostile ground or banished to some low-lying moor.
This time round, there's been so many changes and things happening during my ML. I hope I can keep up and get my engine back into shape when I go back to work in mid-Feb.
Psyching myself up already. It is less than a month to go....
Hmm...with the change of guard, this shell has fallen out of favour and is now languishing in neutral territory again. Plus the rest have had 5 extra months to showcase themselves to him, during this period that I am away.
Well, at least I am thankful I am not on hostile ground or banished to some low-lying moor.
This time round, there's been so many changes and things happening during my ML. I hope I can keep up and get my engine back into shape when I go back to work in mid-Feb.
Psyching myself up already. It is less than a month to go....
Tuesday, January 19, 2016
White!
As far back as I can remember, all my life, I've never owned a white pair of pants or jeans or leggings.
For 2 reasons:
(1) I thought they made my legs look chunky.
(2) I'm one of the clumsiest persons around and get my clothes dirtied easily.
It is an irony then that I just bought my first pair of white legging pants, at one of my heaviest weights ever (sans baby).
Heck it. Mother of 2. If I look chunky then I look chunky.
It's for CNY, to match a kebaya top I bought.
P/s: sidetrack, yes we are going Peranakan this year. Meaning it as a surprise for my parents. :) Nadya's got a lovely kebaya top and matching sarong. I'm going without the sarong though, can't move properly in it and it will make tending to 2 kids very challenging haha. Even K has got a batik top. :) Although I couldn't find a kebaya that fits Alyssa, I bought a batik hanky for her to use on that day. At least she will be in on the theme as well :)
P/p/s: Oh yes, the leggings are from Uniqlo. No, they are not paying me to plug their brand. Though I wouldn't mind if they did. Just so happened that I took the pic without realizing their logo was showing....
Monday, January 18, 2016
The Flipped Peanut
Peanut has finally flipped today :) At the age of 3mths and 3 weeks. Well done baby girl!
And it was such a coincidence that my mother was at my place today and got to witness this milestone first-hand with me.
3 generations gathered in one room. When the youngest flipped, the older two clapped their hands in joy and excitement! The youngest one was wondering what happened and decided to bury her head in the bed and try to eat the bedsheet....lol.
Friday, January 15, 2016
work...
I just cleared some work emails. More like sifted through them and saved the neccessary documents.
There was a particular document I read. I am usually the one handling this work item and someone is covering me for it now that I am away from office.
The document was sub-par. Grammar mistakes, numerous formatting mistakes, typo errors, spelling errors....gosh. And it was submitted to my boss for approval. Like wah lau, it's so unedited and obviously not proof-read.
I debated internally. Whether to amend and spruce up the document or not.
A year ago, I would have undoubtedly said yes. Heck, I wouldn't even be hesitating about it like how I am now.
But right now, my mindset has shifted slightly. Maybe I should just f*ck care. If the immediate boss is seemingly blind to such effort on my part, then why should I stupidly spend time and effort cleaning up the document when it should have already been done by someone else?? I was always doing this for others in the last few years. Maybe it is time I stop molly-coddling them or spoon-feeding them. They have taken me for granted already. "Oh anyway Michelle will edit and proof-read my document so I can just anyhow type now."
And so, I came to the conclusion. I shall not do anything to the document. Especially not while I am on leave.
Principles? Work ethics? Ah f*ck them.
Now that my old boss has left, I am the only grammar and formatting nazi left in the team. Not to my advantage to continue what I have done for the last few years.
There was a particular document I read. I am usually the one handling this work item and someone is covering me for it now that I am away from office.
The document was sub-par. Grammar mistakes, numerous formatting mistakes, typo errors, spelling errors....gosh. And it was submitted to my boss for approval. Like wah lau, it's so unedited and obviously not proof-read.
I debated internally. Whether to amend and spruce up the document or not.
A year ago, I would have undoubtedly said yes. Heck, I wouldn't even be hesitating about it like how I am now.
But right now, my mindset has shifted slightly. Maybe I should just f*ck care. If the immediate boss is seemingly blind to such effort on my part, then why should I stupidly spend time and effort cleaning up the document when it should have already been done by someone else?? I was always doing this for others in the last few years. Maybe it is time I stop molly-coddling them or spoon-feeding them. They have taken me for granted already. "Oh anyway Michelle will edit and proof-read my document so I can just anyhow type now."
And so, I came to the conclusion. I shall not do anything to the document. Especially not while I am on leave.
Principles? Work ethics? Ah f*ck them.
Now that my old boss has left, I am the only grammar and formatting nazi left in the team. Not to my advantage to continue what I have done for the last few years.
Playtime - Bonding time
I brought Peanut to the park yesterday evening.
Sitting at the playground there, I noticed one thing. There was a disproportionately large number of foreign domestic workers (predominantly Filipinas) who had brought their charges to the playground, compared to parents or grandparents bringing their children or grandchildren for some fun.
I am not sure if this is generally the trend and that I would see the same thing happening at another playground located within an HDB setting.
Or is this just due to the demographics of the area I am living in, where families rely more on domestic helpers than elsewhere.
Whichever it is, I feel a little sad that kids are unable to have fun at the playground with their own parents...sigh.
Sitting at the playground there, I noticed one thing. There was a disproportionately large number of foreign domestic workers (predominantly Filipinas) who had brought their charges to the playground, compared to parents or grandparents bringing their children or grandchildren for some fun.
I am not sure if this is generally the trend and that I would see the same thing happening at another playground located within an HDB setting.
Or is this just due to the demographics of the area I am living in, where families rely more on domestic helpers than elsewhere.
Whichever it is, I feel a little sad that kids are unable to have fun at the playground with their own parents...sigh.
Mini celebrity?
The blatant stares, the whispers, the sidelong glances, the wide-mouthed gapes, the sneaky furtive looks.
And also the open smiles, the cooing, the mini waves, the cheerful laughter.
I get all these and more whenever I bring Peanut out. Whether it is a walk to the park, at the park, or in a shopping mall, I get all these.
All because of her hair. :)
Some would talk behind me "Wow look at that baby!" Or "你看你看！她的头发很多leh!" Or "OMG she has so much hair!" Or "Wah, ee eh tao mor jin juay!!"
Some would come up to me and comment on her hair.
Some would just stare at her like she's some weirdo.
But most would just look at her and smile when they notice I have noticed them.
Lol...my little one, you connect much better with people compared to your elder sister. But even when you are not intentionally looking at others, they are also naturally drawn to you. The people magnet that you are.
Stay cheery and sociable!
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