She is young only this once.
Tomorrow, she is one day older.
Tomorrow, today's moment has passed.
Be present.
Be thankful.
Be content.
I am her go-to person now...
When Dada scolds, she bawls, screams for "mama!" and runs to me.
A hug and a kiss and a stroke of her head and she feels better.
She then scurries away again.
In search of her drawing or musical or cuddly wiggly toys.
Or she searches for her Dada again, in spite of having rejected and pushed him away just minutes before.
I am grateful.
I am in love.
And I am still amazed at how K and I created this lovely little girl.
She can be a hard, stubborn and spirited nut at times.
A small but powerful ball of flailing, kicking limbs and screaming, screeching lungs.
A force to reckon with.
It's at times like these when we get tried and tested.
In all our tiredness and sleep-deprived state.
Our patience, our stamina, our grit, stretched and pulled in every direction possible.
Tempers flare, egos get trampled upon, sensitivities and mindfulness go out the window.
But we have to pause and breathe.
And we have to remind ourselves that.
She is young only this once.
Tomorrow, she is one day older.
Tomorrow, today's moment has passed.
I feel proud.
I feel happy.
I feel excited.
To see her grow.
To see her smile and run around.
To see her learn and explore and test the world around her.
I take heart in knowing that she finds comfort in my presence.
In knowing that she thinks of mama when she feels upset.
And in knowing that I am able to hold her close and cuddle her and offer her comfort and security.
Who knows how long this will last?
There will come one day when she will go to her Dada instead.
Or her friends, or her boyfriend, or ......
And so.
Be present, thankful and content.
Yes.
She is young only this once.
Tomorrow, she is one day older.
Tomorrow, today's moment has passed.
Tuesday, July 21, 2015
Monday, July 20, 2015
Today's Checkup
A combination of drinking less water and eating a lot more chocolate KitKat and Chips Ahoy cookies and drinking more NutriTea beverages has led to me having a higher level of sugar in my urine.
As evidenced by my health checkup today at the gynae's.
My sugar level is usually pristine, as is my blood pressure.
Anyway, the gynae waved off the results with a nonchalant hand but the nurse told me to drink more water.
Note to self:
Cut down on the Chips Ahoy chocolate cookies and the KitKat!
Drink less NutriTea! (For this I blame K for introducing their beverage products to me lol)
Thursday, July 16, 2015
Proud Mama
Little baby suddenly started mouthing off a whole string of words a few nights ago. And then I realised...those were the lyrics of "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star". She recited the entire song!
Ok, so she was relatively out of tune and she mangled up some words......But still! She recited the entire song!
Proud of her....
So, at 21 months:
I'm just happy she's learning and progressing! :)
Ok, so she was relatively out of tune and she mangled up some words......But still! She recited the entire song!
Proud of her....
So, at 21 months:
- She can rote-count from 1 to 10
- She can recite the full lyrics of Twinkle Twinkle Little Star
- And fill in the lyrics to some other nursery songs and rhymes like Humpty Dumpty, The Wheels on the Bus, Row Your Boat, Old MacDonald, etc...
- She can speak in 3 or 4-word sentences...
- She pretty much understands what we are saying most of the time
- Her active word usage seems to be in the 80-100 word range now
- She can say her "please" and "thank yous", although she needs to be prompted to do so
- While she's not so keen on the alphabet, she can fill in some of the blanks when we sing the song for her
I'm just happy she's learning and progressing! :)
Wednesday, July 15, 2015
Feeling
A little frustrated and restless.
Many things to do and consider and plan. And errands to run. And yet I don't feel like doing anything.
Can't put a finger on it.
Doesn't help that I am getting the "restless leg syndrome" quite often these days. It gets uncomfortable and irksome. A creepy-crawly niggling sensation in my upper arms, deep within the bones and muscles. It's hard to describe. Stretching helps alleviate the sensations for only a short while before they start again.
Badly need a haircut. Horrible split ends. And it's reaching my lower back. Need to chop it before Peanut arrives. I've been trying to find the chance to.
Been having nightmares and other unpleasant dreams over the last couple of nights as well. Even though Little Baby miraculously slept through last night, I feel as if I've only had snippets of rest. I don't remember any of the dreams. Except one involved a whole bunch of Rohingyas, the ostracised race and culture which has been in the news recently. And another dream had myself featured in it. I was a bad-ass in it. With a hugeass tribal tattoo covering my left shoulder. (like ???!!)
Need to do this and that and make sure things are settled soon.
Too many things floating around in my mind. It's getting convoluted and disorganized.
Many I should sit myself down and write it all down.
To do up a to-do list is on my to-do list.
Makes sense?
是有那么一点点pek chek.
Suck thumb.
Try my best.
Whatever.
Ganbatte.
Yes, jiayou!
Yes, jiayou!
Friday, July 10, 2015
Local Youtubers
This is probably something few of my friends are in touch with. Or maybe I am just making an assumption. :)
I am loving our local youtubing scene these days. Getting quite vibrant and creative. Check these people out if you have the chance to....
Night Owl Cinematics
Wah Bananas
Eden Ang
Tosh Zhang
TreePotatoes
Gentle Bones (his songs are really good...and I only just discovered him...)
and the list goes on...
Once you start on a channel...you start to realise they are actually a pretty close-knit group supporting each other....and then you find out that there's more and more of them....
Some individuals in the above organisations have their own individual channels which are pretty good too....
I am loving our local youtubing scene these days. Getting quite vibrant and creative. Check these people out if you have the chance to....
Night Owl Cinematics
Wah Bananas
Eden Ang
Tosh Zhang
TreePotatoes
Gentle Bones (his songs are really good...and I only just discovered him...)
and the list goes on...
Once you start on a channel...you start to realise they are actually a pretty close-knit group supporting each other....and then you find out that there's more and more of them....
Some individuals in the above organisations have their own individual channels which are pretty good too....
A Poem. Of Sorts.
Prata craving.
Prata craving.
Prata craving.
Chips Ahoy craving.
Chips Ahoy craving.
Chips Ahoy craving.
Shepherd's pie craving.
Shepherd's pie craving.
Shepherd's pie craving.
嘴巴痒
嘴巴痒
嘴巴痒
Prata craving.
Prata craving.
Chips Ahoy craving.
Chips Ahoy craving.
Chips Ahoy craving.
Shepherd's pie craving.
Shepherd's pie craving.
Shepherd's pie craving.
嘴巴痒
嘴巴痒
嘴巴痒
Ed the Buddy
I've known Ed since 1999 when we were were freshmen in uni. Somehow we ended up in the same hostel. Somehow we clicked. Somehow we ended up in the same 1st year business tutorial classes. Somehow we both ended up majoring in Marketing. And somehow we ended up being Final Year Project mates.
A lot of somehows haha. Fated to be friends I guess.
I remember the time he accompanied me in a campus security car to identify some Bangladeshi worker from a lineup of suspects. That worker had flashed at me twice on separate occasions. -_-''
I remember the times when we skipped lectures to sip milo in the school canteen.
I remember all the times I was his Aunt Agony. For all his relationship woes and tribulations. Till now actually hahaha.
We didn't keep in touch frequently after we graduated but our friendship was one that was strong enough to withstand long periods of non-communication haha. He spent 4 years working overseas and we hardly communicated during that time. Yet we are still good friends now.
We've even more in common now that his son is just 6 weeks younger than Little Baby.
He popped by my office for lunch earlier on and I had a good 2hour lunch with him. Going over things like kids and jobs, to parents and in-laws and cultural differences (his wife is non-local).
Thankful for having him as a friend. :)
One of those friends where things just pick from where we left off previously without missing a single beat.
A lot of somehows haha. Fated to be friends I guess.
I remember the time he accompanied me in a campus security car to identify some Bangladeshi worker from a lineup of suspects. That worker had flashed at me twice on separate occasions. -_-''
I remember the times when we skipped lectures to sip milo in the school canteen.
I remember all the times I was his Aunt Agony. For all his relationship woes and tribulations. Till now actually hahaha.
We didn't keep in touch frequently after we graduated but our friendship was one that was strong enough to withstand long periods of non-communication haha. He spent 4 years working overseas and we hardly communicated during that time. Yet we are still good friends now.
We've even more in common now that his son is just 6 weeks younger than Little Baby.
He popped by my office for lunch earlier on and I had a good 2hour lunch with him. Going over things like kids and jobs, to parents and in-laws and cultural differences (his wife is non-local).
Thankful for having him as a friend. :)
One of those friends where things just pick from where we left off previously without missing a single beat.
Wednesday, July 08, 2015
Where did the time go?
Someone asked me this morning when I was going to start my maternity leave.
I replied that it should be around mid-September.
And then it hit me.
Damn, that's only like 2months and a week more to go....
OMG.
Only 8-9 weeks left to start of ML and maybe 10-11 weeks left before delivery.
ZOMG.
I replied that it should be around mid-September.
And then it hit me.
Damn, that's only like 2months and a week more to go....
OMG.
Only 8-9 weeks left to start of ML and maybe 10-11 weeks left before delivery.
ZOMG.
Tuesday, July 07, 2015
Open Letter 2
Dear Peanut,
Till now we are still not 100% sure you are a girl. It's an 80% chance and we were sticking with that till recently when some aunties seemed so sure that you were a boy based on the shape of Mama's tummy.
Girl or boy. I just want you to know that Mama and Dada love you loads.
You were growing fast in the initial months and seemed to have slowed down later on. Recently though, you seem to have picked up pace again. Mama really feels quite stretched and bloated now even though there is slightly less than 3 more months to go. Mama is also becoming more clumsy and walking into door frames and such.
You are an active kicker like your jie jie. Mama hopes you will cooperate abit more though....and not kick or punch or attempt any pugilistic moves when Mama is sleeping or trying to get to sleep.
Please grow well sayang.
Till here for now.....
Love,
Mama
Till now we are still not 100% sure you are a girl. It's an 80% chance and we were sticking with that till recently when some aunties seemed so sure that you were a boy based on the shape of Mama's tummy.
Girl or boy. I just want you to know that Mama and Dada love you loads.
You were growing fast in the initial months and seemed to have slowed down later on. Recently though, you seem to have picked up pace again. Mama really feels quite stretched and bloated now even though there is slightly less than 3 more months to go. Mama is also becoming more clumsy and walking into door frames and such.
You are an active kicker like your jie jie. Mama hopes you will cooperate abit more though....and not kick or punch or attempt any pugilistic moves when Mama is sleeping or trying to get to sleep.
Please grow well sayang.
Till here for now.....
Love,
Mama
Open Letter
Dear Little Baby,
Mama is very sorry to put you through this. It breaks our hearts to see you cry and struggle. We have no choice but to hold you down and give you your medication. Otherwise how would you get better?
We really hope that you could take your medication like how you used to - one big gulp from the teaspoon. And that's it, one simple mouthful followed by water to cleanse your palate.....
Mama really hopes that you will get well quickly. Let's jiayou together ok....
We love you.....
Mama
Mama is very sorry to put you through this. It breaks our hearts to see you cry and struggle. We have no choice but to hold you down and give you your medication. Otherwise how would you get better?
We really hope that you could take your medication like how you used to - one big gulp from the teaspoon. And that's it, one simple mouthful followed by water to cleanse your palate.....
Mama really hopes that you will get well quickly. Let's jiayou together ok....
We love you.....
Mama
Sunday, July 05, 2015
Midnight thoughts
If you can't be at your most honest and truest even in front of your closest, then what gives?
Words. Depends on how you use them. They can be a salve but they can also cut you deep. Different words can still convey the same meaning and deliver the same intent.
It's late. Unsettled. Tired and somewhat still a little sick. But unable to fall asleep as easily as other days.
Bite the bullet.
Oh there you go, found a neutral phrase.
Saturday, July 04, 2015
Friday, July 03, 2015
Packing time
Packing her older clothes away again. Those that she has outgrown over the last 6months. I've never had the time to do it till now when I'm on MC.
*sniff*
Her socks used to be so small! And her undies were so tiny! And and and ....
:(
Little baby you are growing up too fast...
Wednesday, July 01, 2015
Upset
Does it bother me that people don't think I'm trying my best?
Of course it does.
Because it undermines my efforts.
Does it bother me that people think I am pulling a fast one?
Of course it does.
Because it invalidates me.
Of course it does.
Because it undermines my efforts.
Does it bother me that people think I am pulling a fast one?
Of course it does.
Because it invalidates me.
Shouldn't it suffice that I know myself that I am doing what I can?
Perhaps it should.
But it does get to me still.
======
Still, I will only allow myself to mope over this for a short while.
Then I'll bury it somewhere.
Might not be a good idea to sweep it under the carpet.
Dust balls can and do grow organically over time.
But it will suffice for now.
For I do not have the energy and strength to deal with it now.
Perhaps it should.
But it does get to me still.
======
Still, I will only allow myself to mope over this for a short while.
Then I'll bury it somewhere.
Might not be a good idea to sweep it under the carpet.
Dust balls can and do grow organically over time.
But it will suffice for now.
For I do not have the energy and strength to deal with it now.
Tuesday, June 30, 2015
tuesday morning snippets
3 to 4 consecutive nights of crankiness, grouchiness and constant waking.
I have already not been performing at my best at work....It's no wonder I am even more lacking now.
Totally zombiefied. All I wanna do is to curl up in bed and sleep for 6 or 7 hours straight.
==========
I hope N gets well soon. And that her fever breaks and stays away permanently.
I hope her nose clears up quickly. The mucus seems to be perpetually flowing non-stop. Thick and viscous at times, watery at other times.
I hope her phelghmy cough clears up when her nose clears up.
I hope...I hope...I hope.
==========
心酸 again this morning.
I had to leave for work. I passed her to K. She didn't like it and started bawling and screaming and calling out for "MAMA!! MAMA MAMA!!!!!"
That red sweaty, snot and tear-stained face...:( Hair plastered to her forehead, eyes and face squished and contorted from crying.
Sigh...
==========
Jiayou to K....
Jiayou to Little Baby....
Jiayou to me....
I have already not been performing at my best at work....It's no wonder I am even more lacking now.
Totally zombiefied. All I wanna do is to curl up in bed and sleep for 6 or 7 hours straight.
==========
I hope N gets well soon. And that her fever breaks and stays away permanently.
I hope her nose clears up quickly. The mucus seems to be perpetually flowing non-stop. Thick and viscous at times, watery at other times.
I hope her phelghmy cough clears up when her nose clears up.
I hope...I hope...I hope.
==========
心酸 again this morning.
I had to leave for work. I passed her to K. She didn't like it and started bawling and screaming and calling out for "MAMA!! MAMA MAMA!!!!!"
That red sweaty, snot and tear-stained face...:( Hair plastered to her forehead, eyes and face squished and contorted from crying.
Sigh...
==========
Jiayou to K....
Jiayou to Little Baby....
Jiayou to me....
Monday, June 29, 2015
Heartbreak
Is when your daughter is screaming and crying for you in her father's arms. She's red-faced with tears and snot on her face. And you have to walk ahead and away from her and wave goodbye without even giving her a kiss and a hug.
Brought her to the PD this morning. K is on leave and will watch over her at home. I need to clear stuff and will need to be in office.
And that's how it ended. Mama leaving and only giving the girl a big goodbye wave....while the girl is crying her lungs out....
:((((
Upsetting.
Monday, June 22, 2015
i spy
It's cute really.
When you observe people who are by themselves in a restaurant or on public transport.
They naturally take out their mobile phones and start fiddling with it.
Probably either SMS-ing or Whatsapping someone else.
Or surfing Facebook.
Or taking a selfie.
Or reading other articles.
Or....
The list is endless.
What's interesting is the expressions they have on their faces.
From drone-like, stoned or spaced out looks to serious and stoic expressions to dopey grins to flat-out big smiles stretching from ear to ear. Haha.
I especially like watching those folks with dopey grins or silly smiles.
It makes you want to smile yourself.
And it does bring a sense of happiness to you too knowing that that person is feeling happy.
I hope I am not sounding like a pervert staring or sneakily observing others.
Haha. :)
When you observe people who are by themselves in a restaurant or on public transport.
They naturally take out their mobile phones and start fiddling with it.
Probably either SMS-ing or Whatsapping someone else.
Or surfing Facebook.
Or taking a selfie.
Or reading other articles.
Or....
The list is endless.
What's interesting is the expressions they have on their faces.
From drone-like, stoned or spaced out looks to serious and stoic expressions to dopey grins to flat-out big smiles stretching from ear to ear. Haha.
I especially like watching those folks with dopey grins or silly smiles.
It makes you want to smile yourself.
And it does bring a sense of happiness to you too knowing that that person is feeling happy.
I hope I am not sounding like a pervert staring or sneakily observing others.
Haha. :)
July TV galore
Looking forward to July for 2 simple reasons:
1. The Journey's 3rd instalment "The Journey: Our Homeland" will be shown on Channel 8.
2. Voice of China Season 4 will start! Jay Chou, Na Ying, Wang Feng and Harlem Yu will be the judges this season. Totally looking forward to seeing Jay Chou and Harlem Yu!
1. The Journey's 3rd instalment "The Journey: Our Homeland" will be shown on Channel 8.
2. Voice of China Season 4 will start! Jay Chou, Na Ying, Wang Feng and Harlem Yu will be the judges this season. Totally looking forward to seeing Jay Chou and Harlem Yu!
zzzzz. again...
Zombiefied.
Little Baby woke at least 5-6 times last night. I hope she's fine and I hope that she's not coming down with something. She eventually woke this morning in an extremely cranky state.
Wonder if we overloaded her senses yesterday by bringing her out twice? Hmm, I don't think it's because of that though.
Meanwhile, I am tired. Tummy is not doing too good these few days as well. Crampy and having indigestion and some heartburn. I hope I can concentrate long enough on the tasks I set for myself today. Going through some policy documents....heavy and dry stuff....ganbatte.
I hope Little Baby sleeps better tonight......ganbatte little girl...
Little Baby woke at least 5-6 times last night. I hope she's fine and I hope that she's not coming down with something. She eventually woke this morning in an extremely cranky state.
Wonder if we overloaded her senses yesterday by bringing her out twice? Hmm, I don't think it's because of that though.
Meanwhile, I am tired. Tummy is not doing too good these few days as well. Crampy and having indigestion and some heartburn. I hope I can concentrate long enough on the tasks I set for myself today. Going through some policy documents....heavy and dry stuff....ganbatte.
I hope Little Baby sleeps better tonight......ganbatte little girl...
Saturday, June 20, 2015
Zzzzzzzz
It's 240am. Peanut is wide awake and so is Mama. :(
Peanut thinks it's time for exercise and stretching. :(
Mama just wants to go back to lala land.
Wednesday, June 17, 2015
counting down??
K mentioned that it's only 3 more months to go.
Shit, I didn't realise that. And now I am getting the jitters. It's not my first time but it doesn't make it any easier.
*scared scared*
Shit, I didn't realise that. And now I am getting the jitters. It's not my first time but it doesn't make it any easier.
*scared scared*
Tuesday, June 16, 2015
Lunchie
Had a lovely lunch with Chloe today. Picked up from where we left off in September 2012 when we last had a one-to-one meal together.
Grateful for friends like these, where conversation can be easily and comfortably picked up again, despite a long hiatus in between. Love this girl. :)
We were at Harry's and the poor girl spilled curried lamb shank gravy on her white blouse and grey shorts...Kudos to the male manage on duty who spotted the incident and brought over soda water and napkins for her to try to remove the stain.
She texted me afterwards to say that she smelt of curry haha...
Grateful for friends like these, where conversation can be easily and comfortably picked up again, despite a long hiatus in between. Love this girl. :)
We were at Harry's and the poor girl spilled curried lamb shank gravy on her white blouse and grey shorts...Kudos to the male manage on duty who spotted the incident and brought over soda water and napkins for her to try to remove the stain.
She texted me afterwards to say that she smelt of curry haha...
Friday, June 12, 2015
Conversations with a 20-month old
Since she was several months younger, we taught her to say "please" if she wants something or asks for something. She's been on a roll recently and we decided to teach her some more things. We taught her to attach a person's name after the "please" and also to say "thank you" when she receives something from someone. Glad to see that she is picking it up real fast.....
This morning's conversation:
N: *blabber blabber* bed bed! (which means she wants to get on our bed and needs help doing so)
Me: what must you say?
N: peesh! (her word for "please")
N: mama!
Me: Ok...(lifts her up onto our bed)
Me: Mama helped you get up already. what must you say now?
N: Too Too! (her word for "thank you")
Me: Good girl!
Planning breaks
Trying to plan when I can slot in some days of leave for a break.
Next week seems a good chance: Wed & Thurs going for medical checkups and Friday I will probably take MC from the gynae so I can get a breather and stone at home.(And I don't need to touch my leave at all heh)
Trying to plan when a staycation is possible as well. We initially wanted to do it over the Fathers' Day weekend but with our own families' Fathers' Day dinners, it seemed that weekend was not a good idea....Maybe end of the month instead? Or in early July?
I also need time to......
Next week seems a good chance: Wed & Thurs going for medical checkups and Friday I will probably take MC from the gynae so I can get a breather and stone at home.(And I don't need to touch my leave at all heh)
Trying to plan when a staycation is possible as well. We initially wanted to do it over the Fathers' Day weekend but with our own families' Fathers' Day dinners, it seemed that weekend was not a good idea....Maybe end of the month instead? Or in early July?
I also need time to......
- go cut hair
- get trained for and take the online employers' test for hiring of a helper
- plan what else is needed to be bought or prepared for Peanut's arrival
- clear up that organically growing pile of boxes and other stuff in the corner of our bedroom
- rest myself (and maybe indulge in some pizza or pasta cooking...)
Thursday, June 11, 2015
Tuesday, June 09, 2015
Thank you Little Baby
Thank you Little Baby.
For showing Mama the little things in life that Mama would otherwise have not noticed.
That aeroplane in the sky, just a little shape against the blue backdrop, seemingly only an inch long to the naked eye. Moving ever so slowly but steadily across the sky and in and amongst the clouds. I had not even noticed before, and neither did K, in all the 10-over months we have been staying in our home, that we can actually see commercial aeroplanes flying in the distance at regular intervals, right across my bedroom windows.
That cheh-cheh sleeping in her father's arms, her tired head resting on his shoulder, her arms hanging limply by her sides. We were driving past them when Little Baby saw her and pointed her out to me.
That little ant crawling on the kitchen counter.
That two black mynahs by the roadside, hopping and pecking about in the grass. We would have driven right past it without giving a second look.
That piece of dried leaf on the ground which was fluttering about in the breeze.
Thank you Little Baby. Again.
For showing Mama that the simplest of things can bring much joy.
Drinking water when you're thirsty.
Running around in circles.
Having a blanket over your head.
Wearing shoes bigger than your feet. (And attempting to walk in them)
Giving a big sneeze.
Eating cheese sandwich.
Picking raisins off a raisin loaf.
Giving hugs.
Holding hands.
Jumping.
Rolling in bed.
............
.........
.....
...
Monday, June 08, 2015
Worry-wart
The bigger Little Baby gets, the more I am aware that I am getting older.
The older I get, the more I am aware that my parents are also getting on in years.
My Dad is turning 73 this November.
When I found out that he was going to attend the SEA Games Opening Ceremony together with my brother on Friday evening and that they were taking public transport there, I got worried and many questions flooded my mind.
Would he be able to withstand the (possibly) long hours of walking or queueing to get into the stadium?
Tens of thousands of people would be there, would it get too chaotic/warm/humid for him?
Transport to the venue shouldn't be an issue, but the transport home? Would he have trouble getting out of the stadium? Would he have trouble getting a seat on the train? Would he get too tired and breathless?
What if it was already very late by the time he got out of the stadium? Would he have to stand and wait very long to get onto a train?
I am a worry-wart. My mother as well.
I remember exchanging texts with my mother on the above questions.
Mother and daughter with furrowed brows.
At the end of the day......our worries were for naught....
Dad not only enjoyed himself alot. But he got home at 11:15pm, way earlier than I expected. He even managed a 3km walk with Adrian from the stadium to the Kallang MRT station instead of taking the train at Stadium MRT station on the Circle line, because he figured it would make more sense to take a straight train home than have to change trains somewhere along the Circle Line.
Ah, my Dad....ever young at heart. Ever energetic and excited.
An avid sportsman in his youth. I am glad to see his enthusiasm and adrenaline still going strong after all these years.
The older I get, the more I am aware that my parents are also getting on in years.
My Dad is turning 73 this November.
When I found out that he was going to attend the SEA Games Opening Ceremony together with my brother on Friday evening and that they were taking public transport there, I got worried and many questions flooded my mind.
Would he be able to withstand the (possibly) long hours of walking or queueing to get into the stadium?
Tens of thousands of people would be there, would it get too chaotic/warm/humid for him?
Transport to the venue shouldn't be an issue, but the transport home? Would he have trouble getting out of the stadium? Would he have trouble getting a seat on the train? Would he get too tired and breathless?
What if it was already very late by the time he got out of the stadium? Would he have to stand and wait very long to get onto a train?
I am a worry-wart. My mother as well.
I remember exchanging texts with my mother on the above questions.
Mother and daughter with furrowed brows.
At the end of the day......our worries were for naught....
Dad not only enjoyed himself alot. But he got home at 11:15pm, way earlier than I expected. He even managed a 3km walk with Adrian from the stadium to the Kallang MRT station instead of taking the train at Stadium MRT station on the Circle line, because he figured it would make more sense to take a straight train home than have to change trains somewhere along the Circle Line.
Ah, my Dad....ever young at heart. Ever energetic and excited.
An avid sportsman in his youth. I am glad to see his enthusiasm and adrenaline still going strong after all these years.
Auspicious year of the Goat?
This year seems pretty auspicious?
3 of K's close friends are getting married or planning their marriage.
1 of my close friends just got married.
Another of my close friends will be getting married in 2 months' time.
These are folks who have either been single for a long time or whom us close friends have been mildly concerned about.
And then suddenly they are getting married left, right and centre. Haha.
Happy for them!
3 of K's close friends are getting married or planning their marriage.
1 of my close friends just got married.
Another of my close friends will be getting married in 2 months' time.
These are folks who have either been single for a long time or whom us close friends have been mildly concerned about.
And then suddenly they are getting married left, right and centre. Haha.
Happy for them!
Offering help
I did it again.
It was raining this morning, a heavy drizzle, when I got off my bus and walked to my office building. When I stopped at a traffic junction, everyone else there had their own umbrellas, except one Indian man. He was wearing a Fujitec polo T-shirt and I assumed he was working for them, perhaps as an engineer or technician.
I noticed him and wanted to offer to shelter him under my umbrella, at least for that one or two minutes while waiting for the green man to come on so we could all cross the road.
I hesitated, unsure of how to approach the man. I took a step towards him and hesitated somemore.
I sort of chickened out and by the time I came to that conclusion, the green man had already come on and the man was already preparing to run across the junction.
So there, I chickened out again. Not the first time this has happened, probably the second or third time and I still can't find the guts to approach someone to offer help.
Is it the way I was brought up? The way I was taught to mind my own business?
Is it my own personality? That shyness and hesitance and timidness?
How to have personal breakthroughs when I hold myself back and am so timid?
K would have probably said to me "Just do it."
It was raining this morning, a heavy drizzle, when I got off my bus and walked to my office building. When I stopped at a traffic junction, everyone else there had their own umbrellas, except one Indian man. He was wearing a Fujitec polo T-shirt and I assumed he was working for them, perhaps as an engineer or technician.
I noticed him and wanted to offer to shelter him under my umbrella, at least for that one or two minutes while waiting for the green man to come on so we could all cross the road.
I hesitated, unsure of how to approach the man. I took a step towards him and hesitated somemore.
I sort of chickened out and by the time I came to that conclusion, the green man had already come on and the man was already preparing to run across the junction.
So there, I chickened out again. Not the first time this has happened, probably the second or third time and I still can't find the guts to approach someone to offer help.
Is it the way I was brought up? The way I was taught to mind my own business?
Is it my own personality? That shyness and hesitance and timidness?
How to have personal breakthroughs when I hold myself back and am so timid?
K would have probably said to me "Just do it."
Friday, June 05, 2015
Lunch Dates
Looking forward to my lunch dates in the coming weeks! :)
Catching up is always nice.
TH just jioed me for lunch next week. Initiated by him for a "catch-up" session....I sense gossip and a complaint session coming up hahaha....Nevetheless I'm still happy and excited to meet him.
And I'm having lunch with Chloe the week after next. It'll be the first time I'm seeing her since our last meal 1.5years ago! Looking forward! I told her she would have to update me on EVERYTHING that has happened in the last 1.5years haha.
Catching up is always nice.
TH just jioed me for lunch next week. Initiated by him for a "catch-up" session....I sense gossip and a complaint session coming up hahaha....Nevetheless I'm still happy and excited to meet him.
And I'm having lunch with Chloe the week after next. It'll be the first time I'm seeing her since our last meal 1.5years ago! Looking forward! I told her she would have to update me on EVERYTHING that has happened in the last 1.5years haha.
Thursday, June 04, 2015
So so forgetful these days
Went downstairs from the office to the 7-11 store to buy bread and had originally intended to withdraw some cash from the ATM next door.
After buying bread, my feet promptly brought me back up to the office.
Only when I sat down did I realise I'd forgotten to draw money....
So so forgetful these days....
Food Glorious Food
K and I love our food. And we definitely hope to transfer some, if not most of that love for food, to Little Baby.
She is unfortunately cutting her teeth quite late. She has only 6 teeth now, at the age of almost 20 months. While she is able to chew with her gums, she is rejecting all types of meat and fish when she is eating outside of school. Her teacher says she is probably eating these things in school because of peer pressure. The rest of the other kids eat their meat and fish and hence she does so as well.
But she spits them out when they are given to her outside of school. Bleah.
Anyway, we make do with other types of food...and I've been racking my brains out about what to feed her so that she at least gets enough nutrition for growth and development. Glad to say I've so far survived several months or cooking various types of food for her....
Ranging from rice with various soups or stews....to pasta with homemade minestrone....to linguine with chicken soup...to fried rice....to fried noodles....to mee sua with vegetable and pork stew....
I am happy with all of my soups and stews and I am also very happy that she likes them too. Vegetable stews of various combinations, beancurd skin/tofu/egg soups, chicken soups, winter melon soups, tomato soups, you name it....
I am fast running out of ideas though for what other meals I can make....googling hasn't helped much.
She doesn't seem to like mashed potato so shepherd's pie is out....I hope to try macaroni and cheese soon....
Maybe I should explore pizza? Since she likes tomato-stuff.....
Hmm........
She is unfortunately cutting her teeth quite late. She has only 6 teeth now, at the age of almost 20 months. While she is able to chew with her gums, she is rejecting all types of meat and fish when she is eating outside of school. Her teacher says she is probably eating these things in school because of peer pressure. The rest of the other kids eat their meat and fish and hence she does so as well.
But she spits them out when they are given to her outside of school. Bleah.
Anyway, we make do with other types of food...and I've been racking my brains out about what to feed her so that she at least gets enough nutrition for growth and development. Glad to say I've so far survived several months or cooking various types of food for her....
Ranging from rice with various soups or stews....to pasta with homemade minestrone....to linguine with chicken soup...to fried rice....to fried noodles....to mee sua with vegetable and pork stew....
I am happy with all of my soups and stews and I am also very happy that she likes them too. Vegetable stews of various combinations, beancurd skin/tofu/egg soups, chicken soups, winter melon soups, tomato soups, you name it....
I am fast running out of ideas though for what other meals I can make....googling hasn't helped much.
She doesn't seem to like mashed potato so shepherd's pie is out....I hope to try macaroni and cheese soon....
Maybe I should explore pizza? Since she likes tomato-stuff.....
Hmm........
Wednesday, June 03, 2015
Oh well...
The other day, both senior and junior ultrasound technicians said there's an 80% chance Peanut is a girl.
When some colleagues subsequently ask me about Peanut's gender, I tell them the same news I received. I am not prepared for their reactions though.
90% of the reactions I get are either (i) disappointed looks, (ii) concerned looks followed by people asking if I am ok, or (iii) an outright "aiyah wasted!".And then all will finish up by saying something like.....ok lah, girl is also good, will be filial, anyway can try again.
I'm like ??!!
While having a girl and a boy makes a nice balance, I am equally happy having another girl. It is my child as well, borne out of me, a companion and best friend for Nadya, and a priceless result of the union between K and I, our flesh and blood.
I am somewhat a little indignant as well.
Who are you to give such a reaction straight in my face? Who are you to determine if I should prefer a boy or a girl for my second child? And who are you to assume that I wanted a boy?
By all these reactions, it seems to be like as if people still prefer having a boy compared to a girl?
pfffftttt.
When some colleagues subsequently ask me about Peanut's gender, I tell them the same news I received. I am not prepared for their reactions though.
90% of the reactions I get are either (i) disappointed looks, (ii) concerned looks followed by people asking if I am ok, or (iii) an outright "aiyah wasted!".And then all will finish up by saying something like.....ok lah, girl is also good, will be filial, anyway can try again.
I'm like ??!!
While having a girl and a boy makes a nice balance, I am equally happy having another girl. It is my child as well, borne out of me, a companion and best friend for Nadya, and a priceless result of the union between K and I, our flesh and blood.
I am somewhat a little indignant as well.
Who are you to give such a reaction straight in my face? Who are you to determine if I should prefer a boy or a girl for my second child? And who are you to assume that I wanted a boy?
By all these reactions, it seems to be like as if people still prefer having a boy compared to a girl?
pfffftttt.
Tuesday, June 02, 2015
laments
It does get a tad frustrating when other care-givers of your child don't give a hoot about what you say or the disciplinary boundaries you try to impose, or the preferences you have for the way your child should be brought up.
Stop short of picking a fight (which I won't do anyway since I'm of a non-confrontational nature)...I'll just close an eye and kan4 kai1....
Yes, must kan4 kai1 more...else I'll turn into a bitter old hag and life will be miserable.
Should also remind myself that they have given us alot of help as well....
Stop short of picking a fight (which I won't do anyway since I'm of a non-confrontational nature)...I'll just close an eye and kan4 kai1....
Yes, must kan4 kai1 more...else I'll turn into a bitter old hag and life will be miserable.
Should also remind myself that they have given us alot of help as well....
Friday, May 29, 2015
That niggling feeling that doesn't seem to go away
Having restless leg syndrome or RLS for short.
Except that the naggy tingling feelings are not in my legs but in my upper arms. Read that a possible of RLS in pregnancy is due to lower levels of iron.
Does this correspond to the fact that my blood pressure is lower than usual? My health check on Monday showed lower blood pressure compared to the previous time. The doctor said it was ok and not to worry but the nurse told me to just be careful and get up slowly from a sitting or lying down position.
I think the RLS is related to my lower blood pressure.
Which explains why I'm trying to incorporate more red meat like beef and pork into my meals.
Only thing is that my dinner on weekdays, which are at my inlaws' place, tend to have little red meat....and more chicken and fish...
I can only load up on red meat during lunches or the weekend.
I've taken beef twice in the last 3 days already.....
Hope I can reverse this situation soon. This RLS is getting on my nerves, like literally.
The tingling feeling is now even appearing during the day. Not good....
It's like an itch occurring on the inside of your arms and in your muscles. You can't scratch it away. It is just there...gnawing at your patience...
Except that the naggy tingling feelings are not in my legs but in my upper arms. Read that a possible of RLS in pregnancy is due to lower levels of iron.
Does this correspond to the fact that my blood pressure is lower than usual? My health check on Monday showed lower blood pressure compared to the previous time. The doctor said it was ok and not to worry but the nurse told me to just be careful and get up slowly from a sitting or lying down position.
I think the RLS is related to my lower blood pressure.
Which explains why I'm trying to incorporate more red meat like beef and pork into my meals.
Only thing is that my dinner on weekdays, which are at my inlaws' place, tend to have little red meat....and more chicken and fish...
I can only load up on red meat during lunches or the weekend.
I've taken beef twice in the last 3 days already.....
Hope I can reverse this situation soon. This RLS is getting on my nerves, like literally.
The tingling feeling is now even appearing during the day. Not good....
It's like an itch occurring on the inside of your arms and in your muscles. You can't scratch it away. It is just there...gnawing at your patience...
Thursday, May 28, 2015
bus-rides these days
As with most Singaporeans, I fight and jostle with the rush-hour crowd in the evenings.
The bus I take is usually 70-90% full by the time it reaches my bus-stop.
I got on yesterday and all priority seats were taken. I looked around at the people sitting on them.
A young schoolboy just stared back at me, a local lady averted her gaze, another lady was sleeping.
No hope there.
An old uncle. Also no hope.
An Indian man, from India and a working professional. Definitely no hope there. (I've observed that they tend to be more selfish and less gentlemanly. Is it because of their patriachal society?)
And then voila, a foreign worker gestured to me and gave his seat to me.
Thank you good man. May the Good Lord bless you.
I didn't know if he was from Sri Lanka or Bangladesh or India.
But he was the only one who gave up his seat to me.
Thank you again Sir.
==================
Bus rides these days.
A constant stress that I can't get a seat.
And a constant stress because I am too placid to ask for a seat myself.
The bus I take is usually 70-90% full by the time it reaches my bus-stop.
I got on yesterday and all priority seats were taken. I looked around at the people sitting on them.
A young schoolboy just stared back at me, a local lady averted her gaze, another lady was sleeping.
No hope there.
An old uncle. Also no hope.
An Indian man, from India and a working professional. Definitely no hope there. (I've observed that they tend to be more selfish and less gentlemanly. Is it because of their patriachal society?)
And then voila, a foreign worker gestured to me and gave his seat to me.
Thank you good man. May the Good Lord bless you.
I didn't know if he was from Sri Lanka or Bangladesh or India.
But he was the only one who gave up his seat to me.
Thank you again Sir.
==================
Bus rides these days.
A constant stress that I can't get a seat.
And a constant stress because I am too placid to ask for a seat myself.
Je dois
Je dois être fort. Je dois être heureux.
Je dois être plus patient. Je dois sourire plus souvent.
Je dois laisser aller. Comme la phrase en Chinois "看开".
Pour moi-meme, pour K, pour mon petite bebe, pour l'autre bebe dans moi, et pour ma famille.
Je dois être plus patient. Je dois sourire plus souvent.
Je dois laisser aller. Comme la phrase en Chinois "看开".
Pour moi-meme, pour K, pour mon petite bebe, pour l'autre bebe dans moi, et pour ma famille.
Oh my sleep....wherefore art thou?
5 hours of sleep the night before with one 30mins interruption somewhere in between has rendered me a zombie on this 28th day of May in year 2015.
Trying to draft an email memo touching on policy issues and because this email requires more thought and consideration, my brain has started its own protest by simply refusing to work much.
I would type one sentence (or half) and then my mind would go blank.
Hope I survive the rest of the working day.
Boo.....zzzzzz........
I suppose it's also an accumulation of lack of sleep and tiredness...
zom. bie. fied.
Trying to draft an email memo touching on policy issues and because this email requires more thought and consideration, my brain has started its own protest by simply refusing to work much.
I would type one sentence (or half) and then my mind would go blank.
Hope I survive the rest of the working day.
Boo.....zzzzzz........
I suppose it's also an accumulation of lack of sleep and tiredness...
zom. bie. fied.
Wednesday, May 27, 2015
Work
Dynamics are changing.
The boss is leaving his post as GM in October. He will likely stay on as an advisor or consultant till Feb next year and then it is goodbye.
This has not been announced officially and not all my team mates know. But I know and the other two who are more senior (in terms of rank) than me know.
I can sense he is slowly giving some decision-making leeway to those 2 folks.
I'm not too pleased though I can't do much about it. I don't want to acquiesce to their opinions and judgement, well, at least not one of them.
For something which I thought was more operational and simple enough to decide, I made a recommendation to him and sought his concurrence. Didn't expect him to rope the other 2 in and seek their opinions as well.
Bah.
When he leaves and when the new boss comes in, it will right smack at the start of my maternity leave. Which leaves me with little chance to get to know the new boss. The rest have 4-5 months of working with him before I come back again...
While I already know who this new boss is and that he is generally an easy guy to work with....I still feel apprehensive about my future here....
The boss is leaving his post as GM in October. He will likely stay on as an advisor or consultant till Feb next year and then it is goodbye.
This has not been announced officially and not all my team mates know. But I know and the other two who are more senior (in terms of rank) than me know.
I can sense he is slowly giving some decision-making leeway to those 2 folks.
I'm not too pleased though I can't do much about it. I don't want to acquiesce to their opinions and judgement, well, at least not one of them.
For something which I thought was more operational and simple enough to decide, I made a recommendation to him and sought his concurrence. Didn't expect him to rope the other 2 in and seek their opinions as well.
Bah.
When he leaves and when the new boss comes in, it will right smack at the start of my maternity leave. Which leaves me with little chance to get to know the new boss. The rest have 4-5 months of working with him before I come back again...
While I already know who this new boss is and that he is generally an easy guy to work with....I still feel apprehensive about my future here....
Monday, May 25, 2015
New week
And this too shall pass.
Brand new day, brand new hope, brand new wishes, brand new fulfillment.
It's the start of a new week and I hope that it will infinitely be a better one than the week before.
Onward we go. Jiayou!
Friday, May 22, 2015
Drama Morning
Little Baby's face and torso was covered in rashes. Went to the doc and discovered it was a common rash called Roseola which appears in children after a bout of high fever or fever that lasts several days.
Anyway, at least now I know that high irritability and crankiness is associated this condition. At least I now know the reason behind her extreme crankiness and crabbiness. Just a shake of my head or a "no" from me is enough to start a tantrum or hissy fit.
================
Came back from the doc with my father-in-law. Thank goodness he was with me.
Opened the door to see my helper, who arrived the previous afternoon, covered in sweat, breathless and pale. She had apparently felt giddiness and had vomitted 3 times.
FIL brought her to the doc while I stayed at home to look after Little Baby.
================
I already had my hands full and then an SMS came.
From the boss. $#%^#$^$#
Asking me to submit something to him by Monday and to discuss another issue with him on the same day. I told him I would not be around in office on Monday.
His reply?
"Just get it done by Mon and send something to me."
NB. $#@%$#%^%#$
And so now, Friday night close to midnight, I am sitting on my balcony trying to concentrate and settle this piece of work. It is a tedious work item though. I fell asleep in the afternoon while attempting to work on it....
Anyway, at least now I know that high irritability and crankiness is associated this condition. At least I now know the reason behind her extreme crankiness and crabbiness. Just a shake of my head or a "no" from me is enough to start a tantrum or hissy fit.
================
Came back from the doc with my father-in-law. Thank goodness he was with me.
Opened the door to see my helper, who arrived the previous afternoon, covered in sweat, breathless and pale. She had apparently felt giddiness and had vomitted 3 times.
FIL brought her to the doc while I stayed at home to look after Little Baby.
================
I already had my hands full and then an SMS came.
From the boss. $#%^#$^$#
Asking me to submit something to him by Monday and to discuss another issue with him on the same day. I told him I would not be around in office on Monday.
His reply?
"Just get it done by Mon and send something to me."
NB. $#@%$#%^%#$
And so now, Friday night close to midnight, I am sitting on my balcony trying to concentrate and settle this piece of work. It is a tedious work item though. I fell asleep in the afternoon while attempting to work on it....
Thursday, May 21, 2015
Wednesday, May 20, 2015
bits and bytes
Exasperation
Desperation
And
Mainly Sadness
Is what you feel
When your child cries uncontrollably for almost 2 whole hours and you can't seem to provide much comfort to her.
========
Little Baby
Jiayou Jiayou
Mama and Dada will jiayou with you too.
========
Motherhood
is when you keep going on
even when you lack the energy to.
========
Tummy feels a little strange now.
I hope Little Baby didn't pass anything to me.
Desperation
And
Mainly Sadness
Is what you feel
When your child cries uncontrollably for almost 2 whole hours and you can't seem to provide much comfort to her.
========
Little Baby
Jiayou Jiayou
Mama and Dada will jiayou with you too.
========
Motherhood
is when you keep going on
even when you lack the energy to.
========
Tummy feels a little strange now.
I hope Little Baby didn't pass anything to me.
Monday, May 18, 2015
Lost in my dream again
Little Baby caught the fever bug yesterday. Cranky the entire day and during the night, she woke several times.
In between the short hour long sleep I had between 2 of her wakings, I think I had a dream....
Same theme of being lost.
Just that this time round it wasn't in a hostel setting or a university campus setting.
I just....can't....seem to.....remember the details...and who it was with me in the dream.
Though I clearly remembered the dream in full when I just woke from it.
In between the short hour long sleep I had between 2 of her wakings, I think I had a dream....
Same theme of being lost.
Just that this time round it wasn't in a hostel setting or a university campus setting.
I just....can't....seem to.....remember the details...and who it was with me in the dream.
Though I clearly remembered the dream in full when I just woke from it.
Mama
There are good days and there are bad days.
There are days when I feel like I am doing a shitty job as a mother.
There are days when I feel like I'm a supermom with 8 hands and 8 feet.
There are days when I question whether I am doing the right thing as a mother.
There are other days when Little Baby makes me feel like I'm on top of the world and that I'm her one and only hero.
And there are other days when she makes me feel like an insignificant person rejected by her.
There are times when I feel so exasperated and tired and spent that I just want to flop down and cry my heart out.
There are other times when I feel like I'm an energiser bunny running on nothing but love and adrenaline.
There are days I feel absolutely ugly with panda eyes, snot, sweat, bits of food and saliva slathered on me, hair in a mess of a ponytail and spectacles askew on my face.
There are other days when I manage to doll myself up a little and hence feel that little bit better about my appearance.
There are times during the night when I try to haul my groggy pregnant self out of bed because she woke and called out for me.
There are also times when I drag my feet going to her room.
There are other times when I tell myself to hang in there. She is young only once. There will come a day when she does not even want you by her side that much.
There are situations when I lose my patience and my temper and everything else in between.
There are other situations when I hold myself back, telling myself to count to 10 and be more patient and not to fly off the handle so fast. She is just 18 months once. She is just 19 months once.
There are times when I feel guilty for enrolling her in infant care and childcare or leaving her with the inlaws.
There are those others times during the weekend that I relish spending the full day with her, although I do get frustrated with her boundless energy sometimes haha.
Polarisations.
And a rollercoaster of emotions, thoughts, feelings throughout this entire motherhood journey so far.
Whatever it is, I'm doing, trying, giving my best.
As most other mothers are too.
A pat on my back she gave me this morning when I was carrying her.
It seemed like an acknowledgement.
"Mama, you're doing ok."
"Mama, jiayou."
I am 8 days late but.....
Happy Mother's Day to me....:)
Everyday is Mother's Day, no?
There are days when I feel like I am doing a shitty job as a mother.
There are days when I feel like I'm a supermom with 8 hands and 8 feet.
There are days when I question whether I am doing the right thing as a mother.
There are other days when Little Baby makes me feel like I'm on top of the world and that I'm her one and only hero.
And there are other days when she makes me feel like an insignificant person rejected by her.
There are times when I feel so exasperated and tired and spent that I just want to flop down and cry my heart out.
There are other times when I feel like I'm an energiser bunny running on nothing but love and adrenaline.
There are days I feel absolutely ugly with panda eyes, snot, sweat, bits of food and saliva slathered on me, hair in a mess of a ponytail and spectacles askew on my face.
There are other days when I manage to doll myself up a little and hence feel that little bit better about my appearance.
There are times during the night when I try to haul my groggy pregnant self out of bed because she woke and called out for me.
There are also times when I drag my feet going to her room.
There are other times when I tell myself to hang in there. She is young only once. There will come a day when she does not even want you by her side that much.
There are situations when I lose my patience and my temper and everything else in between.
There are other situations when I hold myself back, telling myself to count to 10 and be more patient and not to fly off the handle so fast. She is just 18 months once. She is just 19 months once.
There are times when I feel guilty for enrolling her in infant care and childcare or leaving her with the inlaws.
There are those others times during the weekend that I relish spending the full day with her, although I do get frustrated with her boundless energy sometimes haha.
Polarisations.
And a rollercoaster of emotions, thoughts, feelings throughout this entire motherhood journey so far.
Whatever it is, I'm doing, trying, giving my best.
As most other mothers are too.
A pat on my back she gave me this morning when I was carrying her.
It seemed like an acknowledgement.
"Mama, you're doing ok."
"Mama, jiayou."
I am 8 days late but.....
Happy Mother's Day to me....:)
Everyday is Mother's Day, no?
Friday, May 15, 2015
Mothers' Day Art and Craft Session at Learning Vision
It was her school's Mothers' Day art and craft session. I wonder why they held it after Mother's Day itself but oh well, I still appreciated being given the opportunity to be present there and to be a part of her school activity.
I hope she had fun as much as I did :)
I asked her to smile for me but she made faces instead and this was what I captured lol.
failed attempt! haha.
I was a little disappointed yesterday evening.
I scooted off from work 40mins earlier, without telling my boss, because I wanted to get back to my inlaws' place earlier so I could bring the little girl back home to spend more time with her.
I was happy when leaving their place at 7pm. I thought to myself "This is great! I'll get to spend at least an hour or more with her before she falls asleep."
My happiness lasted all of 10mins. She got cranky in the car on the journey back home, rubbed her eyes furiously and alternated between bouts of screaming and kicking and of tenderly laying her head on my shoulder to attempt to sleep.
When FIL dropped me off at the carpark, she was already hugging me, with her head on my left shoulder and falling asleep.
By the time I got upstairs to the apartment, it was 712pm. And she was half asleep.
By 7:15pm, she was in her bed hugging her favourite bolster and snoozing, with little sighs emanating from her from time to time.
Bleah, so in the end, I didn't get to spend time with her afterall.
The good thing was that she slept for 11 hours straight without waking, except for a brief 10 mins when I woke her slightly to feed her milk.
A miracle in itself. She's never done that before I think!
I scooted off from work 40mins earlier, without telling my boss, because I wanted to get back to my inlaws' place earlier so I could bring the little girl back home to spend more time with her.
I was happy when leaving their place at 7pm. I thought to myself "This is great! I'll get to spend at least an hour or more with her before she falls asleep."
My happiness lasted all of 10mins. She got cranky in the car on the journey back home, rubbed her eyes furiously and alternated between bouts of screaming and kicking and of tenderly laying her head on my shoulder to attempt to sleep.
When FIL dropped me off at the carpark, she was already hugging me, with her head on my left shoulder and falling asleep.
By the time I got upstairs to the apartment, it was 712pm. And she was half asleep.
By 7:15pm, she was in her bed hugging her favourite bolster and snoozing, with little sighs emanating from her from time to time.
Bleah, so in the end, I didn't get to spend time with her afterall.
The good thing was that she slept for 11 hours straight without waking, except for a brief 10 mins when I woke her slightly to feed her milk.
A miracle in itself. She's never done that before I think!
It's back again
I have a recurring dream theme.
It usually is about me getting lost and trying to find my way, either in a university hostel setting or a university school campus setting. Sometimes I am with someone else in the dream and together we try to find our way, sometimes I am alone. Rarely is K with me whenever I have these dreams.
I had one such dream last night, or rather, around 5-plus or 6am this morning.
This time, K was with me. While we didn't take too long to find the hostel room assigned to me, I took a long time instead trying to figure out which key it was that could open the door to the room. I remembered holding a bunch of different types of keys in my hand, and fumbling through them while K waited next to me.
By the time we got into the room, we were tired and just crashed onto the dusty bed to sleep. I woke earlier than him and I remembered noticing that the room was located right next to a hawker centre so I could smell char kway teow, chye tow kueh and other local delights being cooked. The air in the room was dusty, oily, musty all at the same time.
I remember recoiling at the sight of the dirty hostel room toilet, which came attached to the room.
I had no choice but to use it as is though because my bladder was almost bursting. I held my breath and balanced precariously in my flip flops on the toilet floor. I was done quickly but before I could flush the toilet, I heard a tiny muffled voice from outside the room door.....
"Mama.....mama".
And that was how the dream ended.
The little girl had woken and was calling out for me from her room...while babbling some other undecipherable words...
The clock read 610am.
It usually is about me getting lost and trying to find my way, either in a university hostel setting or a university school campus setting. Sometimes I am with someone else in the dream and together we try to find our way, sometimes I am alone. Rarely is K with me whenever I have these dreams.
I had one such dream last night, or rather, around 5-plus or 6am this morning.
This time, K was with me. While we didn't take too long to find the hostel room assigned to me, I took a long time instead trying to figure out which key it was that could open the door to the room. I remembered holding a bunch of different types of keys in my hand, and fumbling through them while K waited next to me.
By the time we got into the room, we were tired and just crashed onto the dusty bed to sleep. I woke earlier than him and I remembered noticing that the room was located right next to a hawker centre so I could smell char kway teow, chye tow kueh and other local delights being cooked. The air in the room was dusty, oily, musty all at the same time.
I remember recoiling at the sight of the dirty hostel room toilet, which came attached to the room.
I had no choice but to use it as is though because my bladder was almost bursting. I held my breath and balanced precariously in my flip flops on the toilet floor. I was done quickly but before I could flush the toilet, I heard a tiny muffled voice from outside the room door.....
"Mama.....mama".
And that was how the dream ended.
The little girl had woken and was calling out for me from her room...while babbling some other undecipherable words...
The clock read 610am.
Thursday, May 14, 2015
Bummed
Sometimes I feel a little bummed.
That I only get to see Little Baby for an hour (or less) in the mornings from Mon to Fri.
And that out of this limited time, more than half the time is spent trying to get her ready for school and trying to get myself ready for work.
On days like this morning, I only got to see her for 20mins.
From the time I woke her and dressed her, to the time we got her out of the door, it was 20mins flat.
Some hurried kisses, some stolen hugs, some liberal slobbering (of me on her cheeks), some amount of me carrying her.
Some reluctant waving and goodbye kisses from me.
Her big eyes looked a little forlorn and bewildered.
More goodbye waves from me, with a promise of "Mama will see you this evening ok!"
And then poof.
She was gone.
Us into a waiting cab. To go to work.
She into my inlaws' car. To go to school.
The feel of her soft skin still lingers on my lips.
The feel of her thick hair still lingers on my cheeks.
The feel of her tiny, tubby fingers reaching out and grabbing my hand still lingers on my fingers.
The smell of her babyness still lingers in my nose.
The sound of her calling out "Mama, mama!" still lingers in my ears.
The sound of her feet pitter-pattering on the floor still lingers in my mind.
Sometimes I feel a little bummed.
That I only get to see or spend time with Little Baby for an hour (or less) in the evenings from Mon to Fri.
On good days, it will be an hour or so.
On most days, it is just 30 to 45minutes.
Some days, it is just a mere 10-15minutes before she falls asleep while I bring her home from the inlaws' place.
Sometimes I feel a little bummed.
And I am sure K feels the same way.
Especially when most weekday nights he doesn't get to see her, unless I call him on FaceTime.
Is this the agony of working parents? Of those working parents who hold a 9 to 6pm full-time job?
That I only get to see Little Baby for an hour (or less) in the mornings from Mon to Fri.
And that out of this limited time, more than half the time is spent trying to get her ready for school and trying to get myself ready for work.
On days like this morning, I only got to see her for 20mins.
From the time I woke her and dressed her, to the time we got her out of the door, it was 20mins flat.
Some hurried kisses, some stolen hugs, some liberal slobbering (of me on her cheeks), some amount of me carrying her.
Some reluctant waving and goodbye kisses from me.
Her big eyes looked a little forlorn and bewildered.
More goodbye waves from me, with a promise of "Mama will see you this evening ok!"
And then poof.
She was gone.
Us into a waiting cab. To go to work.
She into my inlaws' car. To go to school.
The feel of her soft skin still lingers on my lips.
The feel of her thick hair still lingers on my cheeks.
The feel of her tiny, tubby fingers reaching out and grabbing my hand still lingers on my fingers.
The smell of her babyness still lingers in my nose.
The sound of her calling out "Mama, mama!" still lingers in my ears.
The sound of her feet pitter-pattering on the floor still lingers in my mind.
Sometimes I feel a little bummed.
That I only get to see or spend time with Little Baby for an hour (or less) in the evenings from Mon to Fri.
On good days, it will be an hour or so.
On most days, it is just 30 to 45minutes.
Some days, it is just a mere 10-15minutes before she falls asleep while I bring her home from the inlaws' place.
Sometimes I feel a little bummed.
And I am sure K feels the same way.
Especially when most weekday nights he doesn't get to see her, unless I call him on FaceTime.
Is this the agony of working parents? Of those working parents who hold a 9 to 6pm full-time job?
Monday, May 11, 2015
Monday morning sighs
Could do without the extra worries and effort trying to get other caregivers to be on the same path of thinking as us and to adhere to the parameters we have set...
I'm grateful for the help given. But sometimes...sigh.
========
The little girl is refusing to change clothes in the mornings since last week. Always results in some measure of struggle, fussing, fighting and crying before she gets changed.
Hope it gets better soon.
It's been a stressful time for her with the transition from infant care to toddler class.
Friday, May 08, 2015
Bus rides
This is the second time something like this has happened to me.
Erm I'm seated on the bus and now that there're more people than seats, people are standing. There's a guy in front of me.
In tight jeans.
And his fly is undone.
Erm but I can't tell him....at least not in front of so many people?
Err...
Thursday, May 07, 2015
Wednesday, May 06, 2015
Down but hanging in there
When the going gets tough
The tough gets going
But....I'm just a whiny wimpy woman.
So how?
Suck thumb and cry?
Or give myself a pat on the back once in awhile to remind myself that I'm still doing ok?
Or give myself other reminders that sometimes I need not expect too much of myself?
Or fuck care everything? (Knowing myself, this probably won't fly)
Or.....
A small liberation of sorts
On half day PM leave today.
Been quite awhile since I did this.
Feels quite liberating actually haha. I left office with a smile on my face. :)
bubble simmer bubble simmer
Frustrations over certain issues.
Do I try to silently accept the things I cannot change or for which I have no control over?
Do I try to change my own mindset instead?
I have tried changing my own mindset for an issue and was pretty okay with it.....till tiredness crept in and sort of brought me back to square one.
I will try my best not to let these frustrations morph into resentment.
Because I am afraid when it does, I will become an unhappy person, more morose and negative than the dark me already is.
Oh bugger, is this causing more wrinkles?
Do I try to silently accept the things I cannot change or for which I have no control over?
Do I try to change my own mindset instead?
I have tried changing my own mindset for an issue and was pretty okay with it.....till tiredness crept in and sort of brought me back to square one.
I will try my best not to let these frustrations morph into resentment.
Because I am afraid when it does, I will become an unhappy person, more morose and negative than the dark me already is.
Oh bugger, is this causing more wrinkles?
Thank you Uncle....
Thank you cab uncle, for noticing my discomfort and the fact that I was feeling abit down, and for initiating a chat with me.
You cheered me up alot and for that I am thankful.
I did not manage to get your name but you can be sure you have touched my heart and left an impression on me, however fleeting our connaissance was.
Thank you again and I wish you well.
Drive safe on this rainy rainy Wednesday morning.
You cheered me up alot and for that I am thankful.
I did not manage to get your name but you can be sure you have touched my heart and left an impression on me, however fleeting our connaissance was.
Thank you again and I wish you well.
Drive safe on this rainy rainy Wednesday morning.
Tuesday, May 05, 2015
Hurrah!
I am feeling really happy.
Many good news and celebratory events happening this year to both K and my closest friends.
TH - just got married and got their flat all done up already
PQ - her princess is arriving today!
Ding - going to propose within the next month or two and who knows? maybe a recep or banquet will be coming very soon!
Ah pui - Wedding banquet at the end of this year
Ms Tan - just received news that her bf proposed to her last month, they are getting the keys to their flat this Thursday and a wedding recep will be held by the end of this year!
Keep the good news coming....:)
Whee!
Many good news and celebratory events happening this year to both K and my closest friends.
TH - just got married and got their flat all done up already
PQ - her princess is arriving today!
Ding - going to propose within the next month or two and who knows? maybe a recep or banquet will be coming very soon!
Ah pui - Wedding banquet at the end of this year
Ms Tan - just received news that her bf proposed to her last month, they are getting the keys to their flat this Thursday and a wedding recep will be held by the end of this year!
Keep the good news coming....:)
Whee!
Monday, May 04, 2015
Peanut
Peanut seems a pretty strong baby. I could feel its kicks when it was only 3 months plus into gestation and now at 4.5 months I can actually see my tummy move when it gives one of its stronger kicks.
Grow well Teeny Baby.
That's what K calls it. I'll stick to Peanut. Lesser syllables haha.
Sunday, May 03, 2015
Food glorious food
This mama seems to have done something right with the little one's food menu this weekend. She finished most of her food and said they were nice when I asked her. My fussiest critic has given me her marks of approval! Lol...
Friday:
Rice with chicken stew. There were onions, garlic, carrots, potato, chinese white cabbage and radish in the stew.
She finished the entire portion of rice I gave her plus the stew. When I asked her whether it was nice, she nodded and drawled "nice....". My heart soared lol.
Saturday:
Fried rice with egg, long beans and potato. Her reaction was more lukewarm compared to the chicken stew but at least she took most of whatever portion I had scooped out for her. :)
Sunday:
Baby pasta in minestrone soup. In a bid to keep things interesting for the sake of variety and to expose her to different types of food and preparation styles, I ventured into the unknown and made minestrone soup for the first time in my entire life. I had discovered that she seemed to like tomato sauce/paste and decided to try making minestrone. I added tomatoes, long beans, onions, garlic, carrots and celery. I had bought zucchini as well but decided at the last moment not to add it in as there seemed to be too much ingredients already. After I gave her her first spoonful, she asked for more. I was so happy!
This mama's a happy lark. :D
Now on to planning for her food menu for next weekend...Hmm....shepherd's pie? Kway teow soup? Fried mee sua?
Wednesday, April 29, 2015
Digital oil painting
Progress has been made on the digital oil painting piece.....
The unfortunate thing is that the blue paint given for the boy's clothes is all dried up!! I'll see what I can do....
Previously
The Lord's Prayer
Reminder to self to also keep this prayer close to heart.
Our Father who art in heaven,
Hallowed be thy name.
Thy kingdom come,
Thy will be done,
On earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread,
And forgive us our sins,
As we forgive those who have sinned against us.
Lead us not into temptation,
But deliver us from evil.
For thine is the kingdom,
And the power,
And the glory.
Forever and ever.
Amen.
Ohm
Sometimes certain things are "in your face" and grate on your nerves after awhile.
And you can't really do anything about it.
I should tell myself to suck it up.
Maybe an excerpt from the serenity prayer would help....
"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference."
Tuesday, April 28, 2015
Ol' Blue Eyes
I knew it wasn't that brilliant an idea but I still chose to have Frank Sinatra accompany me at work this morning. I haven't been as productive as I would have liked haha. I ended up googling his images and reading up a little on parts of his life.
Amazing talent. They don't come by in such packages these days no more...
Amazing talent. They don't come by in such packages these days no more...
Monday, April 27, 2015
Friday, April 24, 2015
Talk. Chat. Talk Somemore
For some reason people seem to like talking to me today.
My boss stopped by at my desk and "regaled" me with stories from his yesteryears in a time when people still used office boys to send memos from one level to another level of the office. That took 30-45mins.
A colleague stopped by my desk as well and we spoke about both work and non-work stuff. That took another 15-20mins.
I was then waylaid by a lady from another division located on the same floor, while on my way to the washroom. That took almost 30mins.
Ok, there goes my efficiency for the day.
Zilch!
My boss stopped by at my desk and "regaled" me with stories from his yesteryears in a time when people still used office boys to send memos from one level to another level of the office. That took 30-45mins.
A colleague stopped by my desk as well and we spoke about both work and non-work stuff. That took another 15-20mins.
I was then waylaid by a lady from another division located on the same floor, while on my way to the washroom. That took almost 30mins.
Ok, there goes my efficiency for the day.
Zilch!
Deeds
One does not need to do one big good deed to feel happy. Undertaking several small nice deeds each day also makes one feel good. If each of us did one or two nice deeds a day, everyday, I think the world would really be a nicer and happier place. :)
One small nice deed for today:
Bringing back (from the front of the queue) some of the metal tongs used for selecting food items for a yong tau foo meal.
I think the 3 ladies behind me in the yong tau foo stall today were pleasantly surprised. Well, at least they sounded quite surprised when I brought back the food tongs from where they had been left off at the front of the queue, took one for myself and passed the rest to them. They unanimously all said "oh wah, thank you!"
Lol, that put a smile on my face.
At least, they were appreciative.
Unlike some people who don't bother acknowledging me or thanking me when I hold the lift doors open for them.....Oh well, it does take time for us as a people to become more polite and friendly I suppose?
What other small deeds can one do to make someone else happy and also bring happiness to yourself? Hmm...holding the door open, bringing back your colleague's printout from a faraway printer, making a cup of milo for a colleague having the sniffles, etc....
One small nice deed for today:
Bringing back (from the front of the queue) some of the metal tongs used for selecting food items for a yong tau foo meal.
I think the 3 ladies behind me in the yong tau foo stall today were pleasantly surprised. Well, at least they sounded quite surprised when I brought back the food tongs from where they had been left off at the front of the queue, took one for myself and passed the rest to them. They unanimously all said "oh wah, thank you!"
Lol, that put a smile on my face.
At least, they were appreciative.
Unlike some people who don't bother acknowledging me or thanking me when I hold the lift doors open for them.....Oh well, it does take time for us as a people to become more polite and friendly I suppose?
What other small deeds can one do to make someone else happy and also bring happiness to yourself? Hmm...holding the door open, bringing back your colleague's printout from a faraway printer, making a cup of milo for a colleague having the sniffles, etc....
Thursday, April 23, 2015
Painting
I bought a digital painting kit from qoo10 a month or two back.
I've been wanting to try it out and well I finally did it tonight. Essentially its a mini canvas printed with an outlined image. Spaces within the image are numbered and you are given different coloured paints with are numbered correspondingly to the spaces. So you just match the colour to the numbered space and then paint away.....no brainer really but it does take patience to paint within the lines. The paintbrush given is a fine one so you can manoeveur it around all the curved outlines. I think my fingers are still pretty deft and nimble haha.
Painting in progress.....will probably take awhile since I can't afford too much time each time I paint...:)
Breathe in, breathe out
It gets to me. It still does.
Is it because I'm more sensitive and emotional lately? Or because I'm more tired so I let things get to me more easily.
I hope it doesn't show on my face too much when things happen and I feel irked.
忍一时风平浪静
1.5years already.
Sorry Mr Snail
I am usually careful when waking along this particular path, especially after a bout of rain. Why? Because snails usually venture out onto this particular path.
I was mighty tired this evening and the only thought on my mind was to get to the bus-stop so I could go home. I wasn't concentrating on the ground.
And then I heard a sickening cracking sound from underfoot. I knew instantly I just killed a snail.
I looked down and there it was, not entirely crushed because I held back instinctively the moment I heard the sound and felt something beneath my foot.
But its shell was damaged enough and I don't think it would survive much longer.
Sigh.
Sorry Mr Snail.
我不是故意的。
:(
Lawyers
I do generalise sometimes.
Like when I think of lawyers, I usually expect someone witty, articulate, eloquent, smart, with an acid tongue when needed, assertive and possibly adversarial when needed, firm, cool and calm, imposing sometimes, generally you feel assured with them, etc.......you get the drift. And they usually speak in a certain calculated manner.
So far, most of the lawyers (old or young, experienced or fresh, partner or associate) I have seen, met or interacted with, whether in casual or formal situations, fit into the above descriptions.
The lawyer I saw yesterday however, sort of fell out of the above descriptions. He was a senior associate. After being in a meeting with him for 3 hours, somehow the word that came to my mind to describe him was "ditzy".
My own internal legal counsel was in the same meeting and today she shared with me that she felt the same way haha.
He was mainly taking notes of the meeting but did throw in some jibes and smart aleck jokes during the course of the meeting, sometimes while his colleague, a senior partner of their law firm, was talking. After making what he thought was a smartass remark, he would look around soliciting laughter or smiles from people....but um...to no avail.
Maybe I might change my mind about him when I interact more with him in the future.
He has been put in charge of the issues my company has assigned to their law firm, under the supervision of his senior partner. Right now, I can only keep my fingers crossed that he will do a good job with the tasks assigned to him.
Like when I think of lawyers, I usually expect someone witty, articulate, eloquent, smart, with an acid tongue when needed, assertive and possibly adversarial when needed, firm, cool and calm, imposing sometimes, generally you feel assured with them, etc.......you get the drift. And they usually speak in a certain calculated manner.
So far, most of the lawyers (old or young, experienced or fresh, partner or associate) I have seen, met or interacted with, whether in casual or formal situations, fit into the above descriptions.
The lawyer I saw yesterday however, sort of fell out of the above descriptions. He was a senior associate. After being in a meeting with him for 3 hours, somehow the word that came to my mind to describe him was "ditzy".
My own internal legal counsel was in the same meeting and today she shared with me that she felt the same way haha.
He was mainly taking notes of the meeting but did throw in some jibes and smart aleck jokes during the course of the meeting, sometimes while his colleague, a senior partner of their law firm, was talking. After making what he thought was a smartass remark, he would look around soliciting laughter or smiles from people....but um...to no avail.
Maybe I might change my mind about him when I interact more with him in the future.
He has been put in charge of the issues my company has assigned to their law firm, under the supervision of his senior partner. Right now, I can only keep my fingers crossed that he will do a good job with the tasks assigned to him.
Mdm Ong
In all my years of taking cabs, which means about 16 years or so, I don't think I've ever had such an enjoyable ride as the one I had yesterday evening.
Thank you Mdm Ong Sok Hwa.
You really made my day yesterday and perked me up so much.
I was having a headache, feeling tired and wanted to get back to the inlaws' place earlier to fetch Little baby who wasn't feeling well. I put in a Grabtaxi request and Mdm Ong responded.
From the moment I got on her cab, we sort of started chatting. All the way. We chatted in an easy and natural mix of Mandarin, English and Hokkien. Nevermind that my head was throbbing. She was such an easy person to speak to and a pretty cool mum. She was probably in her 50s and referred to herself as a "21st century open-minded mum" haha. I was only a year older than her eldest son.
She told me about her 3 kids and their love relationships. I could tell she was a proud mum. She told me about her Indonesian helper who had been with her and her family for 28 years. I shared some stories with her as well. We had open laughs and genuine guffaws.
When I reached my destination, we actually ended up chatting a whole 10 minutes more. Lol...I could hear her phone beep with incoming GrabTaxi requests but she waved them off and said "Later still can get business, talk to you first." So sweet haha.
She called it fate that we could click so well with each other. She also described me as being "chu bee", which means friendly and likeable/approachable in Hokkien.
When we finally parted ways, she wished me well for the pregnancy, and shared some confinement tips with me.
What can I say? It was such a random encounter. But one which left such a deep impression on me.
Perhaps it really is fate that someone like that pops into your life, albeit fleetingly, and touches your heart and makes you feel better.
Thank you Mdm Ong Sok Hwa.
You really made my day yesterday and perked me up so much.
I was having a headache, feeling tired and wanted to get back to the inlaws' place earlier to fetch Little baby who wasn't feeling well. I put in a Grabtaxi request and Mdm Ong responded.
From the moment I got on her cab, we sort of started chatting. All the way. We chatted in an easy and natural mix of Mandarin, English and Hokkien. Nevermind that my head was throbbing. She was such an easy person to speak to and a pretty cool mum. She was probably in her 50s and referred to herself as a "21st century open-minded mum" haha. I was only a year older than her eldest son.
She told me about her 3 kids and their love relationships. I could tell she was a proud mum. She told me about her Indonesian helper who had been with her and her family for 28 years. I shared some stories with her as well. We had open laughs and genuine guffaws.
When I reached my destination, we actually ended up chatting a whole 10 minutes more. Lol...I could hear her phone beep with incoming GrabTaxi requests but she waved them off and said "Later still can get business, talk to you first." So sweet haha.
She called it fate that we could click so well with each other. She also described me as being "chu bee", which means friendly and likeable/approachable in Hokkien.
When we finally parted ways, she wished me well for the pregnancy, and shared some confinement tips with me.
What can I say? It was such a random encounter. But one which left such a deep impression on me.
Perhaps it really is fate that someone like that pops into your life, albeit fleetingly, and touches your heart and makes you feel better.
Wednesday, April 22, 2015
Nayda at 18 Months
Little Baby turned 18mths old on 9 Apr 2015.
Weight: 10.7kg (75th percentile)
Length: 80cm (50th percentile)
Teeth: 2 stubby lower front incisors and 2 stubby upper front incisors (all are stubby because they seem to grow out halfway and just stop there) and another 2 on each side of the lower front incisors.
Motor Skills
Weight: 10.7kg (75th percentile)
Length: 80cm (50th percentile)
Teeth: 2 stubby lower front incisors and 2 stubby upper front incisors (all are stubby because they seem to grow out halfway and just stop there) and another 2 on each side of the lower front incisors.
Motor Skills
- I should say that it's pretty good now, though she still trips over her own feet from time to time.
- She can pick up tiny things quite easily.
- Still throws a hissy fit when you take something away from her or when you don't give her what she wants. But you can reason it out with her sometimes.
- She's a stubborn one.
- Speaks alot more now, I think her speech vocabulary count is around 70-80 words and she understand alot more words than that.
- Understands 2-part instructions like "Pick up your shoes and then give them to Dada"
- Still insists on having me put her to bed and insists on having me soother her back to sleep if she wakes in the middle of the night. (which explains my zombie-like state on most days)
- Knows how to identify plastic packaging or used tissue as rubbish and then helps me throw them into the dustbin. (yay, save my energy of walking to the dustbin on my own!)
- Loves music and sometimes insists on us turning on the radio.
- Knows some words to certain songs like the alphabet song, the happy birthday song, row your boat, etc.
- We are now giving her adult food. We cook our meals on the weekends and she eats what we eat. I try to cook healthier and less oily stuff for obvious reasons. I also need to consider sometimes that she only has a few teeth and can't chew harder or more fibrous stuff like asparagus....If we head out to restaurants, she gets to try the food there too. .
- She has not been introduced to chilli or spicier stuff yet though. Akan datang. This Peranakan mama wants her daughter to be able to eat chilli haha.
Parenting
I need to control my temper, patience and emotions more.
Especially now when Little Baby is not so little anymore and is slowly
exploring the world around her, its boundaries and limits, and discovering her
own assertiveness and insistence.
Dinnertime yesterday started out peaceful and was smooth-sailing till
the point when she decided to spit out her food. I thought she was full already
even though she had only had a few mouthfuls of food. But for some reason she
asked for more food and so I gave her more, only to have her spit the food out
again and again. It was a game to her and I guess she was testing limits. I
firmly reprimanded her and she responded by grabbing the bowl and spoon. She
also managed to grab a fistful of mee sua, squished it between her fingers and
was going to smear the food on the sofa in the living room.
I scolded her and then I snapped. And gave her a hard smack on her
thigh. It was the hardest smack I’d ever given to her. It left red prints on
her thigh. She was momentarily stunned and in the second moment she started
bawling her eyes out.
I left her crying on the sofa, cleared up the food mess and walked away
to cool myself down.
Went back to her 2-3 minutes later and she’d stopped sobbing by then. I
was a lot calmer and she was distracted by a toy then. I felt bad to have left
a mark on her skin. I held her hand and she squeezed my fingers. I gave her a
hug and she rubbed her face on me. All was forgiven.
She might have forgotten the pain of the smack but I could not forget
the rage and frustration I had felt at that point in time when I smacked her.
Learning point:
I need to control my temper, patience and emotions better. Also, now
that I have the benefit of hindsight, one thing I should have done was to
explain to her why I did what I did. It was a teachable moment and I missed the
opportunity. Nevermind, move on. Just need to bear these in mind. There will be
other incidents and teachable moments in the future.
Food for thought:
How could I have handled the situation better? Besides losing it and
smacking her, would talking to her and reasoning it out with her have helped?
While she is only 18 months old, she seems relatively more mature and mentally/emotionally
developed compared to some of her peers, her teachers have said so too.
Further thoughts:
Parenting is a constant learning journey. A period of self-discovery
for the parents as well. There’s a long way ahead for all of us, including
Little Baby. May we all grow and develop ourselves into better beings in time
to come.
Thursday, April 16, 2015
Kindness was bestowed upon me and I am grateful
I'm a pretty passive person and won't ask for someone to give up their seat for me. It doesn't help that I am at the awkward not-here-not-there stage where people can't tell I'm just fat or really expecting.
I stood for several bus stops, knowing actually that once I hit Vivocity another 3 stops away, more people would get down and then I would be able to get a seat.
But then a kind lady noticed me and gestured for me to go over. She gave her seat to me and gave me the sweetest and friendliest smile ever. She was probably in her 30s as well and totally reminded me of Diana, having that same sweet and endearing nature.
My heart melted and I accepted the seat gratefully.
Meanwhile, the men who were seated around me continued to sleep......
Wednesday, April 15, 2015
Bummer
I cried.
At 3am last night. Or rather, early this morning.
More out of frustration than anything.
The lack of sleep and regular interruptions to whatever sleep I have left have affected my work performance.
I am easily distracted at work. I can't concentrate well. I read 2-3 sentences and then I can't register much else after that. I can't think properly and I end up procrastinating on certain issues. Now my plate has piled up. Brought it upon myself.
I don't like this. I used to churn out good work that I was proud of. Now I feel like I am just doing enough to keep myself afloat, just barely above he water's surface.
Not good at all. I don't like this.
K says I need at least a week's break. I don't have this luxury at the moment.
Tuesday, April 14, 2015
A letter
Dear Coll,
If you claim you are very busy and cannot possibly deliver a particular paper by the end of May, then don't go for long lunches or don't read the newspaper after you get back from a shorter lunch lor. I thought that was simple logic? And also, how come you can go for 1.5hrs lunch but then your staff cannot ah?
Sighs,
Your colleague.
If you claim you are very busy and cannot possibly deliver a particular paper by the end of May, then don't go for long lunches or don't read the newspaper after you get back from a shorter lunch lor. I thought that was simple logic? And also, how come you can go for 1.5hrs lunch but then your staff cannot ah?
Sighs,
Your colleague.
Saturday, April 11, 2015
Church, Granny and Family...
There was a period of time when I cried very easily whenever I popped into Holy Family Church. It didn't matter whether I was attending mass or not, I'd find myself tearing up whenever I started praying and looking at the stained glass feature piece of Mother Mary.
I'm glad I was more in control of myself this afternoon. I did tear up a little but that was that. Nothing too overwhelming.
Have I grown older?
Anyway, Dad, Mum, Adrian, Ah Gor and I spent some time doing our own prayers, in memoriam of Granny on her first death anniversary.
I thought it was a cosy familial thing to do and I quite appreciated the outing. Cosy and intimate, yet each of us had our own private prayer session, our own time with Granny and our own time with God.
Nevermind that 3 out of 5 of us are non-Catholics and 1 of us is only a silent non-practicing Catholic. I think we were all sincere and our prayers were heartfelt.
I love my family.
*wails*
It has to be true. Expectant mothers get more forgetful, clumsy and blur. And did I say clumsy already?
I scraped my knee against a piece of furniture this morning. There was a sharp pain and when I looked down at the offending furniture, to my utmost horror, a piece of my skin was on it.
Needless to say, the wound, though not a big size, started bleeding almost immediately . :(
The little girl was pretty inquisitive about the piece of plaster I had put over the wound after that and kept picking at it. Bah.
Bathing brought a further sting to the wound.
Just whining.
But.
Me want TLC.
Friday, April 10, 2015
Tomorrow
Tomorrow will be a day of mixed emotions I think.
Heading out for brunch to celebrate K's birthday in advance. With his family.
Then in the afternoon I would be heading over to Holy Family Church with my family. A simple memorial of sorts, for my Granny's first year death anniversary.
I hope I won't cry too much. The sadness is still hidden somewhere within.
Heading out for brunch to celebrate K's birthday in advance. With his family.
Then in the afternoon I would be heading over to Holy Family Church with my family. A simple memorial of sorts, for my Granny's first year death anniversary.
I hope I won't cry too much. The sadness is still hidden somewhere within.
Thursday, April 09, 2015
Those hormones, Those emotions
Out of whack.
Out of sync.
Tired?
Tears spring forth.
Easily.
Tumultuous?
And go away.
Just as quickly.
Harried?
Crests.
And boughs.
Undulating?
Fears. Hopes.
And worries.
Too much?
Take a break.
From everything.
Yearning?
Out of sync.
Tired?
Tears spring forth.
Easily.
Tumultuous?
And go away.
Just as quickly.
Harried?
Crests.
And boughs.
Undulating?
Fears. Hopes.
And worries.
Too much?
Take a break.
From everything.
Yearning?
Wednesday, April 08, 2015
Love
You were once a wee fragile tot.
Now you're running around and commanding me to do things. How time flies. Mama loves you. A lot a lot a lot.
Friday, April 03, 2015
Listening vs Dispensing Advice
Do you offer advice the moment someone talks to you about something?
Do you stop to think and try to ascertain if the person is just trying to find a listening ear or is the person really trying to seek help and guidance?
Do you impose your thoughts and ideals on that person before the person even has the chance to ask "what do you think?"
I have said this before and I probably sound like a broken record now. But I guess this is something I feel strongly about.
Don't assume that when someone talks to you about something, that he or she is seeking advice. He or she could probably just be seeking a listening ear and only wanting get things off their chest. Maybe the last thing they want is another person telling him or her what to do or how to do it or how to handle things.
So listen first, stay neutral and don't be too quick to dispense advice, well intentioned or not.
Reminder to myself too...
The 38 Lady
I was forced into a "small talk" conversation a few days ago at work. It quickly morphed into a chat session I wanted out of.
The other party was a lady from another division on the same floor as I was. I usually kept my distance and only said hi and bye to her or at the most "the weather's hot these days". While I knew she had a penchant for gossip and constantly had her radar up for more news and rumors, I didn't know that she also had a manipulative and slightly malicious streak in her.
At least not till that day when she "cornered" me into the conversation. She must have been desperate to find someone to listen to her. Either that or she was eager to share with the world her findings on a pair of colleagues from the same floor as us who were supposedly having an affair. Both are married.
I have been pretty "anti-social" in recent years. I keep in my corner in the office and don't engage in deeper conversations with others. Unless I manage to find someone I am really comfortable with and whom I trust. This has turned out to be only about 3-4 people out of 100-odd folks on my floor.
I digressed. So anyway, Because I stay in my own corner of the office, I had not even heard about the supposed affair till she mentioned it to me.
She was speaking in a pretty self-righteous manner and maintained her position that those two colleagues were immoral and bad and yada yada...she must have expected me to concur with her. She looked at me expectantly through her babbling monologue. I refused to be goaded into any sort of position or comment which took sides and chose to remain neutral.
She tried to bait me into taking a stand and offered more details like how she stalked the couple together with a few other colleagues from her division. Inwardly, I rolled my eyes at this. Like wtf? If they want to be in an affair, it's their business. Nothing gives you the right to do such sleuthing!
I was exasperated at this point and felt like giving her a slap. It's one thing that you are excitedly and passionately spreading news about this couple, it's another thing altogether to poke your nose into their privacy. Whether they are right or wrong it's not up to us to judge. You don't know the full background to the whole situation as well so don't go standing on high moral ground and preaching about morality when you have been doing not-so-right things too.
Of course, I didn't voice out the above thoughts to her. 多一事不如少一事. I just maintained my neutral position and did not proffer much else. I guess that's the best way to deal with gossipmongers.
She eventually ended the conversation. She must have been disappointed that she did not get much concurrence or reaction from me.
I just hope that I don't bump into her anytime soon again. A wide berth I will give her.
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