The K world

What to do? I married a man named K....hehe....

Abit 走火入魔 lol....when you discover that when....

• You get a shock/surprise, you don't mutter "wtf?" or "omg" or "wah lau?!" to yourself and instead the thought "gabjagi?!" springs into mind
• You wanna say "wow" or "sibei sart" but the expression "heol!" comes into mind...
• You are hungry or 嘴巴痒....and "baegeupa" pops up in your mind 
• You think to yourself "it's ok" and "gwaenchanha" appears on the tip of your tongue....

Potting around

Butterfly pea
The butterly pea plant cuttings (that K and I helped ourselves to from a random bush along the lorong outside our place) are doing pretty well. I put 3 onto a bottle of water and 3 straight into soil.

1 from the bottle developed a strong root system and I transplanted it into a pot yesterday. I hope it does well. 1 from the pot didn't seem the doing well and I removed it but the other 2 are still going strong. Hope they do well!

While out on a walk with the girls yesterday afternoon, I stopped by a bush and spotted numerous seed pods which were already ripe for the picking. I was glad they had not yet split open! For if they id, I wouldn't have been able to collect any seeds...;p  Helped myself to 2 seed pods which yielded a total of 13 seeds! Yay! Planted 6 of them into a pot. Hope they germinate properly!
I didn't nick them or soak them in water first though....so it will probably take a long time to germinate. 2? 3? 4 weeks?

Airplants
I can tell they are much happier at home than in the office. 2 of them have sprouted roots and grown more leaves. :) The brachycaulus is a little limp though. Not sure why. The rest are doing great!

Rose fairy
Packed my table the other day and came across a seed packet I forgot about. It'a pack of seeds from Horti, with the label "Rose fairy". Threw the seeds into a pot in end June. Hope they germinate well. Need to watch...I've never been successful at germinating seeds last time. Fingers crossed!!

Of walks, chickens and explorations

The girls requested to head out for a walk and visit the neighbourhood chickens yesterday afternoon. Our usual practice these days would be to arm ourselves with a small packet of grains to feed the chickens. Yesterday, we had rice, barley and millet. I skipped the bread this time round...

I'd have to say that Alyssa is definitely the spunkier, braver and more adventurous one out of the two. Despite her being the younger one. :) Nadya was hiding behind her half the time haha. Nadya has improved though, compared to before. There was one time when she stormed off in a huff and incessantly muttered under a hefty pout "I WANT TO GO HOME NOW!!" because she got embarrassed and frustrated at herself and her fears.

In fact, both have improved lah. :) Both used to hide behind me when the chickens are around. I Suddenly realised that both were in front of me yesterday haha. Yay...baby steps to developing their curiosities and courage.

I enjoy such walks with them.
(Though I get quite pek chek if they start squabbling non-stop with each other along the way.)

There's a particular route I take when I bring them to visit the chickens. Along the way, I'd point out different trees, flowers and plants to them. We "hunt" for wild mushrooms. We spy on the birds in the neighbourhood. We scream when we meet buzzing insects. We step on mimosas. The girls pluck wild flowers. We observe what dogs we pass by, if any.

I'd try to explain things to them, as much as my limited knowledge can handle.

"This is a butterfly pea plant. The flowers can be used to.....It's a creeper and can be considered an invasive plant.....Look! Seed pods!"
"This is a mango tree! You can tell by its leaves...."
"This is a water jasmine plant..."
"Those are sunbirds! Doves! Pigeons! Parakeets!"
"Snails! Those black stuff are their poop!"
"Mushrooms!"
"Touch-me-nots! Another name for this weed is "mimosa". See what happens when you touch the leaves..."
"Hibiscus! Byrophyllum! Snake grass! Snake plant! Lalang! Spanish moss! Sunflowers! Airplants! Pomegranate! Ixora! Boston fern! Bird's nest fern!...."
"These are the spores of the bird's nest fern. That's how they propagate....errr...propagate means...errrrr...."
"There's a moringa tree here! Did you know we can actually eat those pods? They taste good in curry....Popo used to cook them...you can try next time..."

Guilt & Disappointment

Quite guilty for making Alyssa feel disappointed.

We have a morning ritual where I peep out of the window and wave bye to her when she's at the carpark (when she leaves for school). And we'd give each other arm and finger heart signs too. I cherish these moments for they give me strength, and I think she hold these moments dear to her heart too.

Been even more scatter-brained in recent days and I was late to get to the window this morning. (had to speak with the helper on something). By the time I got there, K & her were in the car already. And he was slowly driving off. I was hoping she was craning her neck to see my window from the car (not even sure if she can see my from that angle)....and I was waving frantically from the window. :(

K later told me that she had waited for me and stalled getting in the car. When she finally got in reluctantly, he said she was leaning her head on the side of her car seat looking glum...and she told him "I miss Mama."

I was quite upset at botching this morning's ritual. :(
Was beating myself up over it actually...though I recognise that I need to snap out of it and can't let it bog me down too much.

I'm really sorry my baby girl....
I can only take comfort in that I gave you a big hug and kiss this morning and said my usual words to you to start the day (another ritual of ours). And that you chose this morning to voluntarily tell me 'I love you Mam!" after you put on your shoes....

Mama will do better next time baby girl...

Music

Deulgukhwa - That Only is My World
Kang San Eh - Like the Salmon Swimming Up the River
周深 - 大鱼
Hacken Lee - 月半小歌曲

Friday morning music accompanying me...these songs as well as their various cover and duet versions....some soul-healing time

Just realised. They're all non-English songs...:)

Lunch Lating

Lunch date with K later today...after several months of not doing so!

Going to TGS. Hope the plant shop next door is open too.
I definitely want to get their spanish moss since I don't know where else to get them. And possibly their asparagus fern too if it looks healthy enough and free of pests (though it is difficult to see with the naked eye).
I also want to get nice pots and other holders if they're not too expensive. I remember that shop carries rather atas stuff...hmm.
I don't recall them having airplants last time though I wonder if they brought in new stuff recently. Shopping for a Tillandsia Xerographica or a Tillandsia Streptophylla, if they're not too expensive hahha....I think one can cost up to $50...hmm...depends on the size too I guess...

Deulgukhwa

There was a period of time I was into slow rock, soft rock or similar genres.
I think I was in secondary school or JC, and I had Wu Bai playing non-stop, as well as Bon Jovi, Aerosmith, Beyond, Scorpions, Guns & Roses, Pearl Jam and I think Eagles featured quite abit as well since my brother had their album.

Spent some time listening to Deulgukhwa tonight. A Korean rock band from the 80s.
Jeon In Kwon is the only member left who's still performing. Salute siah. 65-yrs-old now and his lungs are still so powerful....eccentric guy but vocals quite "sart".

I knew about their song "Don't Worry My Dear" from awhile back and I listen to it from time to time. But I just discovered that their "That's Only My World" is really good too....

Work on yourself

"A stylist can put you in clothes that can mask your your physical insecurities or imperfections. Or you could just work out and then you'll look good even in a simple Tshirt and jeans."

- Shin Seung Hun
(as expressed on Master of the House, ep 120 Ballad Emperor)

In other words, you can dress up your work or yourself with fancy words or packaging to cover up any flaws...but that fluff won't last. Work on yourself and build up your character and capabilities. Build up strong values and those will all carry you though in life.

Snooze

Went to bed at 2:20pm and woke on my own at 15:40pm, about 10 mins before my alarm rang at 15:50pm.

Thankful that:
- it was a long uninterrupted sleep
- the weather was cool this afternoon and it helped alot
- I woke feeling more rested

Behind the scenes

The work that some of us are doing for the elections...
The preparation for the various scenarios and of backup plans and holding statements...

Feeling like the army..

Lots of planning and meticulous preparations for days for something that might happen...
But which has not and is highly unlikely to happen but...

Of course...never say never...

And that's what planning entails?
Covering all grounds and angles and prepping for most scenarios

Ramblings

And we're officially into the 2nd half of the year already.
Dang. Time passed really fast this year.

The days flew by real quick in April, May and the first half of June as there was HBL for both girls and daily work they had to do each morning.

I've kind of "forgotten" what I set out to do this year as everything was thrown out of whack.
Things have improved though they've not gone back to full normalcy.
Schedules will be adjusted again as enrichment classes resume and Nadya now has an extra ballet lesson each week because she's been promoted to a different grade already.
And Nadya has also requested to go for Art classes. Alyssa is neutral about Art classes but we think she may have a greater propensity for it actually. (Alyssa has interesting and quite well thought-out concepts for her drawings)

I should take some time out to think through again what I wanted to focus on this year.
And how I should/could tweak them now in this new environment. Especially when things might be changing on the workfront too...maybe in the next 6 months?....

Wednesday only?!

Losing track of days a little. Especially when you're working at night as well and on weekends haha.
I thought today's Thursday and only discovered it's Wednesday when I turned on my laptop.
Earlier on I took the probiotics from the Thursday slot in the pill box lol.
Laoniang ish blur liao...

Not just the sleep cycle that's been disrupted. Surviving on 4.5hrs of sleep and then a 45mins nap during the day.

But the various multi-tasking too. And sometimes, I'd be having 3 (or 4) conversations simultaneously.
One on Whatsapp on the HP Envy, one on Skype for Business on the Lenovo Thinkpad, and another one (or two) on normal Skype on the HP Envy.

Ganbatte!!

Yada yada

Yesterday was Day 1 of my 9pm to 1am daily night shift.
11 more days to go....till 10 July night i.e. Polling Day night.

Holding up well so far with 4.5hrs of sleep.
Will need a nap after lunch. To last for tonight's shift.

==========
Water Jasmine/Water Plum
Happy to see the Water Jasmine bloom alot for the last 2 weeks. The sad thing is that the blooms only last a day or 1.5days and then they wither and fall. There were 2 or 3 consecutive mornings and evenings when I cleared up to 30 wilted flowers each time...short-lived joy in that sense.

Trimmed a stray branch off yesterday. My first time pruning it a little. That branch has been extending its way out of the shape of the uppermost pad. So thought I'd trim it back a little. Stuck the small cutting into a patch of soil. Just for fun. If it survives and grows, then yay it's a big bonus! :)

No more yellowed leaves for the last 2 weeks. Happy to see that .Fed it with some organic compost last week. Tested it with just a little scoop. In case it starts protesting and the leaves turn yellow again lol....

Moss Rose
Moss rose is doing good with one bright pink bloom every other day. Trimmed off some old dried up stalks the other day. Hope it grows bushier again. Kinda scraggly now.

Baby Aloes
The girls' baby aloes are doing good and have turned a healthy green colour after 1 or 2 months of turning a dull grey-brown shade. I changed their soil mix and they've gotten so much healthier as a result.

Rose Fairy
I sowed some flower seeds 2 days ago. 迷你玫瑰 or Rose Fairy was indicated on the packet. Hope they yield something. I last tried sowing them last year and nothing came out of it...Practising my germination luck and skills before trying to sow the Water Jasmine seeds that I collected 1 month plus ago. ;p

Indian Borage
Trimmed off another 6-7 stalks 2-3 weeks ago. Passed it to my neighbour who sadly has not planted them even though he said he would...I think...the cuttings probably dried up and got chucked in a bin and have probably been incinerated by now...:(

Local pomegranate
Need to find time to trim off the many dead branches. Hoping it will get bushier...hopefully the rains over the last 2 weeks brought it some natural nutrients too...

==========
Slightly scratchy throat. With a slight itch.
Exacerbated by K and I gorging on severla mouthfuls of Mint chocolate gelato last night after the girls fell asleep...;p

Revisiting Winter Bear

Fell in love with this song last year when it was released. It's by BTS' V.
I generally don't like English songs sung by Korean artistes. Most have poor grammar and broken English and sometimes the lyrics don't make sense.

Winter Bear treads the grey line. The short lyrics are mush at times but the melody tugs at my heartstrings ALOT...so I'll tolerate the lyrics haha. Plus, the song somehow reminds me alot of my grandmother. And for that I'll love the song. :)

Lyrics below...

==========
Winter Bear - BTS V

She looks like a blue parrot
Would you come fly to me?
I want some good day, good day, good day
Good day, good day
Looks like a winter bear
You sleep so happily
I wish you good night, good night, good night
Good night, good night

Imagine your face
Say hello to me
Then all the bad days
They’re nothing to me
With you

Winter bear
Ooh, ooh, ooh
Sleep like a winter bear
Ooh, ooh, ooh
Sleep like a winter bear

Revisiting Epiphany

Early morning pick-me-up.
Listening to BTS Jin's Epiphany. I'd love to blast it if I could.
But I have a neighbour who would blast English pop songs to counter anyone who remotely tries to play music at a louder than usual volume.

Translated lyrics below.

==========
Epiphany - Jin

It's so odd, I loved you so much for sure
I adapted myself entirely to you, I wanted to live for you
But as I kept doing so, I became unable to bear the storm inside my heart
I got to fully reveal my true self under the smiling mask

I'm the one I should love in this world
The shining me, the precious soul of mine
I realize only now, so I love me
Even if it's a little lacking, it's so beautiful

I'm the one I should love
(Even if I'm shaking and afraid, I walk on forward)
(I meet the real you, whom I had hidden inside the hurricane)

Why did I, like this,
Want to hide away my precious self
What was I so afraid of
That I had to hide my true self

I'm the one I should love in this world
My shining self, my precious soul
I finally realise it So I love me
Though I'm not perfect, I'm so beautiful
I'm the one I should love

I might be a little bit blunt and inadequate
You might not be able to see such things as a shy sparkle
But the fact that this version of me is my real self
My arms and legs, heart and soul that I have lived with until now

I want to love them in this world
The shining me, the precious soul of mine
I realize only now, so I love me
Though I'm not perfect, I'm so beautiful

I'm the one I should love
I'm the one I should love
I'm the one I should love

Thoughts. Of Work.

Reminder to self.

• 别管太多他人的事。别管太多他人的是非。别管太多他人的对或错。做好自己的本分。做好自己该做的事。 就够了。除非，他人踩到了你范围之内，或踩到了你的脚，那就是时候抛头露面反驳他人了。
• Integrity. Ownership. Honesty. Pride. Authenticity. Sincerity. Responsibility. Willingness to help. --> while these may not get you moving fast, at least, you're doing things with conscience and honesty. And more importantly, 你对得起自己。
• Build alliances and a support network. Of people who share the same values and principles. Of people who are unafraid of putting the team's and others' interests before their own. Of people who have your back (and likewise, you have theirs).

Practising Chinese. I don't know if the words are right or wrong. But, so long as I understand. 

whiter than white

And so Ivan Lim has pulled out of the GE.
Poor guy...I feel for him.
Whether he's really arrogant and elitist and not a good guy is one thing.
But having your name and reputation dragged through the mud at a national level....is another matter.
And having your family members endure the stress of this public scrutiny...is also quite a burden to bear.

He's a young guy. His political career is as good as zilch already.
But I hope his future in the private sector won't be too affected by this incident.
People forget over time.

This whole fiasco reminds me of an ex-colleague....
Steven Tan, who was introduced by the PAP at the 2015 GE and who similarly had to withdraw himself from running....
Due to some allegations of his past behaviour.

Like what SP said to me earlier today...
To be a politician, you need to be whiter than white.
LOL....how true....

Emo, tired. Need to pick self up.

Emo week, haven't had a proper chance to sort out my thoughts and 整理一下心情.

Mon 22 Jun - dental appointment
Prepping myself for a possible extraction done on the day itself. Took up a fair bit of energy.

Tues 23 Jun - work
Things gearing up but still not too bad

Wed 24 Jun - morning rush, packed my stuff at the Tampines flat and Night work duties started
Mad rush in the morning. Cleared work then rushed out of the house in the midst of rain and an (almost) lift breakdown and a fiasco with the cab I booked...
Packed my stuff at the Tampines flat while on a 1.5hr work call.  A little sentimental about my old things but not too bad.
Did my monitoring work shift from 4pm to 12am

Thurs 25 Jun - closed case with Ellen and night work duties
Somewhat emo but not much time to deal with it. Just accept and move on.
Another night till 12am. Clearing media statements at 11-plus in the night.

Fri 26 Jun - saw the video the housing agent did up for the Tampines flat, received a bomb of a news that Mum was starting catechism classes on that night itself. 
When realisation hits. When things start becoming real. When things have been put into motion and the agent comes and takes photos and videos of the flat to post online in his property listings. Emo about it. My childhood home. From Jan 1986 till Jul 2012 when I shifted out. Many memories. Many firsts. Many crying sessions. Many dance sessions. Many spaced-out times. Many moments with myself. My own valued private space in my room.

Granny's old cupboard was still there on Wednesday. The cupboard that had been in the family for more than 40 years. I didn't get a chance to touch it or look at it when I was over at the house on Wednesday. I didn't know they were going to get the town council to get it and throw it away today. Many many memories of me sitting in front of that cupboard while Granny packed her things. Many memories of her explaining what those things were and who gave them to her or how she came to possess those items. The cupboard's gone now. Just like that. Maybe I am placing too much attachment on physical items. In a bid to retain those memories.

Bombshell came in the evening. When Mum said she was starting catechism classes that night itself. Big news that I was not aware of till the very last moment. To be exact, around 2 hrs before her class started.  Macham just a cursory gesture to let me know. Felt displaced, out of place, out of the picture.

Worked till 10-plus.

Of milestones

I closed my case with MPFSC yesterday afternoon.
In the midst of the work chaos, I carved out a space for my chat with Ellen.
It was our monthly phone chat since February earlier this year.
And yesterday's session was our last.

Mixed feelings.
There's the apprehension of one of the safety nets being pulled away.
And this little bird being left to fly on her own.
There's also the understanding that I can't drag it out too long for her and MPFSC.
There's also the understanding at the back of our minds that we cannot let this turn into a form of reliance.

K said this is a milstone.
I'm glad he gave me this perspective.
Because I didn't think of it this way.

It indeed is a milestone, isn't it?
A 15-month journey with Ellen, where she guided, supported and helped me.
And slowly left me to my own devices.
I'm thankful for the journey and for her being around.
18 sessions, of which the last 4 were just 30min or less than 30min chats.
It was a bittersweet bye that I said to her.

Forward
Onward
Keep going

Reminder

Headspace gave me this little nugget this morning:

"Ultimately, there is only one thing that creates tension: wanting things to be different than they are."

And this other nugget came was from yesterday:

"Before being able to let go of an emotion, we first need to be aware of the emotion."

11:15pm

Drafting and amending drawer media statements together with the comms team in case we kena any issue. At 11pm at night.

Laoniang is zombiefied. I started my day at 6:10am...and turned on both work PCs at 630am...

Just thankful that I took a 45-min nap in the morning and another 30-45min nap in the afternoon...

I hope tmr will be a non-event with zero prep and/or background work....

Mixed Feelings

K had a whole bunch of old clothes that he wanted to throw away.
Helper asked if she could have them instead. She might want some and those she didn't she would go ahead to throw.

And so...it has become that she took some of his old T-shirts and...is wearing them now.

A little strange lah....to see another woman wearing your husband's clothes....

Brings me some measure of discomfort but nevermind....
I guess....over time....laoniang will learn to dull this weird feeling...hmmm...

Hectic day

Somewhat hectic day.

• Morning rush to get the kids ready. 
• Cleared some emails and then rushed out in the heavy rain to head over to the Tampines flat. 
• Cleared an email and read a doc while in the cab. 
• Reached Tampines with 10mins to spare before my 10am meeting started. I felt 
• Participated in the 1.5hr call while concurrently packing some of my stuff and discarding other things. (Received feedback later on that I was clear-minded and made good points when I sought clarity and made suggestions on some of the processes and issues being discussed. That made me happy!
• Boss texted me after that to ask me to cancel my leave today since I already spent half a day clearing emails and being on the meeting. And that I would be on night duty this evening too.  Told me to take my time and pack my stuff in Tampines. Told me no need to rush home to continue work. Felt so thankful that he's so flexible and understanding. 
• Had a good breather during lunch when I sat down with Dad and ate together. Chatted with him and all. It was good and I felt happy. 
• Continued with abit more packing and then K came to help bring the stuff back home. 
• Reached home and put aside some boxes. (There're more in the carboot though...and 2 more big boxes still at Tampines)
• Managed to get an hour shut-eye in mid-afternoon though it was interrupted 3 times. Still thankful for it. 
• Continued working and spent some time discussing stuff in virtual meeting rooms. 
• Had dinner....and back to clearing some work and being on standby. 

It's 10pm...2 more hours to go...though I may get off slightly earlier....

Shack liao...

The big E lai liao....

And so...with this latest announcement...Things have been set into motion.
The wheels are turning...the spokes are cranking...the gears are shifting...

And laoniang...
Has to start night shift work from tomorrow onwards...

Of covert missions and operations...

I'm lucky though. Boss has very kindly placed me on the 4pm to 12am shift for this week and the 9pm to 1am shift for the week thereafter.
The guys are taking the 1am to 5am shift next week.

That said, the WA chatgroup will still be buzzing quite abit I think...
Laoniang will be panda-niang in the next 2-weeks plus....

Ganbatte....
This will be "national service"...

The weather

It rained everyday last week. Sometimes it started out hot, humid and sunny in the mornings, then started drizzling in the late afternoon.

The last 2-3 days though, it's been dark and gloomy. I'd say for maybe 90% of the day. And heavy rains start from 630am in the morning.

It's been cool (and cold too actually haha) and I kind of like it this way....more comfortable to stay home this way...and it makes me mellow and sentimental.

On the flip side, the weather's making my nose get stuffed up (and to have your nose get this way during this sensitive period isn't exactly good lol).

And it's making me feel like it's December WHICH MEANS....holiday mood.....WHICH MEANS....I feel like taking 2 weeks's leave to nuah at home....WHICH MEANS....I don't feel like working...WHICH MEANS....I just wanna sleep or do my hobbies all day....WHICH MEANS....I don't wanna earn my keep....WHICH MEANS....you get the drift....

And...my plants...oh my plants...There's only that much space in my balcony to play around with and with the number of pots I have, I can't shift them around too much also. So some pots are getting wayyyyy too much rainwater.....I hope they survive. I've not watered most plants for close to a week now. And I'm only giving the airplants a light cursory misting each morning as opposed to heavy misting twice a day when it's hot and sunny.

And the heavy rains are causing more and more pools of water to form here and there. Be it potholes on the roads, crevices on the sidewalks, small holes in the grass patches along the sidewalks, flower pot plates, etc...it even pools on random litter strewn on the ground. With the rise in dengue, it does bring me some concern.

==========
It's 730am on a Tuesday morning. 23 June 2020.
Raining cats and dogs (and cows and chickens) outside. I've started work already, before taking a short detour here...now I'm routing back...

Many things to settle today.
Icann stuff, 11am poly appt, 2pm Teams call with a Beijing-based registrar, 3pm call with a Malaysia-based registrar, 4pm call with DBS relationship manager....

Signing out from here....

Rant

When you don't do your job properly, and I point it out to you nicely, don't give me that attitude face. I did not scold you. In fact, you have been missing many spots in the house.

We have been relatively relaxed and don't impose many rules or restrictions on you. We don't check on you and give you the flexibility to handle the chores on your own schedule and ways.

But.

If there are dustballs in that particular area, it means that you have not cleaned that area for months. If there are brown spots on the soap dish, it means you have not cleaned that dish for months. If there are stains on an area, it means you have not cleaned that area for months.

So don't give me any attitude when I tell you to clean those areas.

You're allowed full access to whatever's in the fridge, freezer and food cupboards.
You get to enjoy a 3 to 3.5hr nap and quiet time each afternoon. We don't.
You don't even need to get up in the middle of the night if the kids wake.

Sigh.

Sheesh.

ganbatte!

Spent the last 1 hr plus or 2 hrs....helping S and D with each of their stuff.
Spent 3/4 of yesterday helping J out for the upcoming Board meeting because it's his first time handling and his partner L (who was supposed to guide him) is out of action these few days due to family matters...

Laoniang is superwoman....
Or should I say...
Laoniang is jack of all trades?
Or...
Laoniang is dope!

Lol....
Ganbatte......!

work

On the workfront...Several projects are hitting snags.

There's one long-drawn project which hit several administrative obstacles last year...and then now yet another major stumbling block. Sensitive as this involves an international not-for-profit organisation and certain diplomacies are "required". Sigh...

Another 3 or 4 which are somehow taking a long time to iron things out...you fix one bit and move on and then another hole appears that you need to patch or a spur appears that you need to pare down.

Ganbatte....ganbatte...ganbatte...

I want to tick things off my to-do list...I have done so for some stuff but these few things....aiyoh...irksome!!

Of Maths.....and.....oh well....

When you are doing HBL with your kid
When you are near her side when she is having a live session with her Math teacher
When you realise some of her classmates have already shouted out their answers and your kid is still staring at the sum and trying to calculate....
When you realise this doesn't happen for just one sum but seems to be a pattern across most sums

You start wondering which part of the bell curve is she at exactly, both within the class and within the cohort
You start wondering if you need to do more and if so, how
You start wondering if your kid (and you) can survive primary school in time to come
You start wondering how your younger kid will be like in 2 years' time

LOL....
piangzzzz

Ganbatte!

Tmr's the start of a new week.
It'll be a busy Monday, with a meeting starting at 8am. zzzzz.....Another conference call at 10am
And then the company townhall at 1130am.

A parent-teacher conference at 2pm.

And a discussion that might happen but not confirmed yet.

And I would really like to head out for a walk. I've not done so for the last 3 evenings. It rained everytime! I hope it happens tomorrow. There's a barrier I'd like to cross. A barrier that is both psychological and physical.

==============
A team meeting at 9am (and likely till 12pm) on Tuesday morning.
A webinar at 12:45pm on Wednesday.
A potential dispute case that might go to the courts.
A tricky situation with an international partner....

==============
May the week go well enough!
Ganbatte!!!

Plant time

Spruce-up time
Spent some time in the main balcony today. With a little helper in tow. Nana.

Got her to do the simple stuff like picking up dead/dried leaves from the floor, and picking them up (with a gardening tweezer) from within the pots. Took the opportunity to teach her some stuff about the Byrophyllum plants we have, and how they produce their little baby plants. And showed her the leaf patterns of the Indian Borage, and she helped to point out dead leaves on plants so I could remove them.

It was fun for me doing this with her and I hope she had fun too.

She said to me "I wish we could have our own garden".
Yes, sweetie. I'd like a garden of my own too....but it's unlikely to happen...so we'll just have fun in our balconies haha...:)

Byrophyllum
Aside from the 2 small pots of baby aloe vera that the girls have, they now also have 2 tiny pots of byrophyllum as well. Planted them this evening. :)

I prepared the soil and pots and the girls placed the babies into the pots themselves. It's a very easy plant to care for and the plantlets root damn easily. You really don't have to do much at all. Just give them enough moisture that's all.

I've currently 2 or 3 pots of this....well 5 if you include the girls' pots. I've thrown away many many small babies...and I would probably have maybe 50 pots of this plant now (or more) if I'd bothered to salvage and plant all those plantlets. It's probably the only succulent that the klutzy me can handle lol....

p/s: just found out this evening while reading up some stuff on the Internet, that the Byrophyllum is also known as the Mother of Thousands or the Kalanchoe or the Devil's Backbone.

Moss Rose
This little lady is a sassy one with attitude. She's bounced back beautifully from her battle with the mealybugs. New shoots appear every other day and she's also grown long and tall new stalks. Tall because they reach out for the sun. Quite cute to see those stalks like this.

Since that day when a lone pink flower finally bloomed, she's been blessing me with one small but bright pink flower every 2 days or so. It's a far cry from the early days when she first came to me though. Back then, she'd bloom like 6-10 flowers each day...easily. Still, I'm happy that she's progressed well, compared to just 1 or 2 months ago when she was ravaged by those damn bugs.

Japanese bamboo
It is shedding less now, but still looks a little shaky. I hope no more leaves turn yellow or drop anymore. I didn't do much to this fella, except to shift its location from the main balcony to my own balcony. And it's placed in a shadier area with no direct sun. It's still in its pot. I decided against re-potting it. Didn't want to stress it further. Relocation can already bring stress to a plant. If I repot it as well, skali it gets more stressed.

Good thing is that its tallest and main stalk has a new leaf unfurling at its tip.
Will keep this fella under close watch and see how....

Ficus Ginseng
The original one I had in the normal pot recently started shedding. I don't know why...:(
It went almost botak a year back. And then it slowly started growing new leaves a few months back. Though it never got back to its original state and was rather sparse. I was still happy but then now it's started shedding again. Leaves turned yellow and kept dropping...Didn't really spot many new shoots too so...I'm just wondering what to do with it.

The ficus ginseng in the green bonsai pot is doing ok....an occasional leaf turns yellow and falls off but so far it seems ok. I see some new shoots coming out so I'm hopeful...

Water Plum
This lady...has sprouted many new shoots and I spotted many new bunches of flower buds or at least the beginnings of what would become new clumps of flower buds. I hope many many new leaves spring up soon. To replace the sudden leaf dropping episode last week...I'd never seen that many leaves drop from this lady before...It scared me a little and I was hoping she wouldn't go botak on me.

Anyway, I've not figured out what to do with the bunch of seeds that I'd collected from the 2 seed pods a few weeks ago. Hmm....my balcony doesn't attract any pollinators at all (being on the 4th floor, and less accessible to bees and insects? haha...) so even if I have flowers blooming regularly from this plant, it is unlikely I will ever get any of them pollinated and produce seed pods later on.

Local pomegranate
This old lady...is going strong, although she constantly looks like she's half gone, in recent weeks, she started sprouting new shoots and new leaves. Perhaps it's due to me fertilising her soil or due to the recent rains bringing more minerals and nutrients to her. But I noticed several areas where new leaves and branches forming. That's good...:)

Only thing is, she also has many many dead branches. I've tried trimming them off but there're just too many of them....I'll just leave her be...again. She seems resilient enough to weather most difficulties herself. ;p

Birdspeak

Just a random thought of thankfulness.

There's a wide species of birds residing in my area. At least to the layman me, I feel there's really many different birdies here.

Growing up, I only ever saw sparrows and mynahs. For some reason, in the past few years here in Telok Kurau, and especially in the past 3 months when I've been home all the time, I've discovered so many different birdies here!

Many parakeets around - blue ones, green ones, yellow ones.
Orioles too...yellow and black ones...I googled and I think they're called Black-Naped Orioles.
Hornbills and koels too...though koels seem to be around lesser these days.

Went for a walk yesterday and saw many sunbirds (I think they are sunbirds) congregating in a clump of bushes...playing around and darting about with each other...

And of course, the ubiquitous sparrows and mynahs and pigeons and doves....

And should I include the neighbourhood chickens too? haha....there's a family of at least 6 roosters 6 hens and maybe 3-4 younger ones hanging around about 500m from our house...

Listening to all the birds chirping each morning has been quite the luxury...:)
Brings more depth and cheer to the environment....

Support

It's important who your co-workers are.

We are a small team of 12-13 pax. At least 2 irk me. I used to think maybe our 八字 don't match...till I discovered that others in the team face the same frustration (or more) when dealing with these 2.

Still, I am very thankful I have the rest of the team whom I can get along with. And amongst these are a couple whom I am quite close to and have come to rely on both as friends and as colleagues.

I refer to them as my pillars in the team...for shelter, for support, for strength, for companionship, for comradeship, for fun, for laughter, for peace, for joy..

Here's to ST, DC and LH and to a lesser extent, SP and Mas as well....
Thank you!

Music

Music days are back, at least for this week...
Back to immersing myself in Chinese songs, every since I listened to mini live broadcast Sun Yan Zi had on Tuesday night.

Folks accompanying me these 2 days:

Wang Feng
Zhou Shen
Sun Yan Zi
Hacken Lee
GEM
David Tao
Tanya
JJ
Beyond
MayDay

A good mix of singers from mainland China, HK, Taiwan and of course....Singapore.

Gaining strength from music. :)

Fighting! Hae su-iss-eo!

It was a long day yesterday. Feeling a little out of gas today...the oven-like temperature these few days is not helping too.

Started work at 7-ish yesterday and lasted till 8-plus at night, due to an exercise that I was involved in.
Had to then nag at and help Nadya to pack her bag for school today, and tend to Alyssa when she sought my attention....by the time I got out the shower, it was 9-plus and I felt quite zapped out.

Nevertheless..fighting for today!

Tummy

Oh that sour acidic feeling in your tummy the moment you wake.
That breathlessness that it sometimes causes.
That chest discomfort that it sometimes brings.
That tightness in the upper gut.
And even that middle back ache.

Tummy...争气一点!
Get well soon pls!

Is the milo at night making you worse? If so....I'll skip it even though it brings me much warmth and comfort....

Did the apples bring more acid to you? If so, I'll skip them too....

Do you want more water? If so...I'll drink more today....

Feeding you with toast this morning...it's been said that toast helps with diarrhoea and other stomach discomfort....

Get well soon ok....

How Time Flies

We're into June already.
Time seems to pass faster as each year goes by.
And yep, I say this every year.
The days are long sometimes, but the years are short.
Still learning how to be more positive, manage myself and keep going.
Doing better.
Slowly but surely.
Yeah!

Tummy woes

Friday evening, I had too much for dinner. I could feel some discomfort in the gut. That unmistakable feeling of bloatedness and indigestion. I could only have my own greediness to blame.

Saturday, our usual ordering-in day. Domino's pizza. That did me in...
I've not taken pizza for a meal for a long time. Even during National Day last year when we last ordered it, I remember taking very little of it. I took 2 slices for Saturday's lunch. The cheese was probably too much for me.

Chui after that.

This constant discomfort in the gut, and slight diarrhoea. And other symptoms which have not appeared for a long time, including bitterness in the mouth (from the acid), and more difficulty swallowing (like there's something extra in the throat/oesophagus).

I'm thankful though that it's not a bad case. The niggling nagging discomfort and tightness in the upper gut is till somewhat manageable. It's Day 3...hope it goes away soon....

Of songs...and little girls

Been letting the girls listen to some songs recently...and getting them acquainted with oldies (but goodies) and other newer (but still as classic) songs :)

Amongst them:

• Goodnight Sweetheart Goodnight - The Spanials
• Yakety Yak - The Coasters
• Fly Me to the Moon - Frank Sinatra
• Lollipop - The Chordettes
• 温柔 - 五月天

What's up next?

Beyond The Sea - Bobby Darin

And other good stuff by Frank Sinatra, Nat King Cole, some Tom Jones and Engelbert Humperdinck maybe?

Mixed Feelings

Glad
That the girls are in school, getting social interaction with their peers and learning in a proper environment under the guidance of trained teachers and not this pseudo Mama-attempting-to-be-a-teacher-while-half-distracted-by-work person.

Half-worried
The virus is still out there and veiled in some asymptomatic carriers. Of course it's worrying. At the back of my mind, there's a niggling thought there. And I believe most parents have this thought as well. We can only keep our fingers crossed. Some parents seem to be intent on keeping their kids at home and home-schooling them for the time being. Can't say it's right or wrong. I can only remind the girls not to touch their faces, and to stay clean and sanitise or wash their hands regularly. But kids being kids, they may say "ok" now...and then forget about it 5mins later.

Glad
That I can work or take a break in peace now and not get distracted by not-so-tiny voices seeking my attention, or their shenanigans..

Half-Emo
Yeah, part of me is glad they are out of the house. And the other half of me is missing them. Missing their hugs and kisses and affections and mischievious grins and pretty smiles. Oh, the irony.

Birdie

Recently, a black and yellow bird has been visiting my balcony. Ever since I hung up a bunch of erm....half dead Spanish moss near the balcony railing. Not the living room balcony but the one at my room. I've seen that bird 3 times now in the past week. I hope it visits us again. Not sure what it is, an oriole? But when I Googled, it looks a little different from the black-naped oriole that is common in Singapore.

Share with K an idea I had and he said he thought about it before as well. I was thinking of getting a bird-feeder and hanging it from our balcony. To feed whatever birds that come visit us. We've had some sparrows and mynahs swing by as well, though very rarely.

There are cheap ones on Shopee...i might buy one soon....:)

Oh my plants...

Sigh...my plants...it's either one or the other who will give me a headache.

Miss Water Plum is now suddenly protesting and many leaves are turning yellow. Just when I thought I did a good job of nursing it back to health after the mealybug infestation. Maybe I shouldn't have put fertiliser on it. Maybe I shouldn't have sprayed it with the organic insecticide last week.

So which caused the yellowing leaves? The insecticide? The fertiliser?

Sigh...see how it goes.....

Moss Rose! One flower finally bloomed! I was so happy this morning when I saw that lone pink bud appeared. After 3 months of fighting against the mealybugs and trimming it almost bare...it started sprouting new buds and shoots a few weeks ago and over the past week experienced a growth spurt after the heavy rains...Grow well please! And may more flowers bloom!

Japanese Bamboo
This fella is still not doing well. leaves are dropping left, right and centre. It looks really bare now. Could be root rot.....cos I plucked out a stem just now....and it came off easily...
I need to find time to repot it....hopefully that solves the issue....

I need to find time to trim the main Indian Borage plant too and pass to our neighbour....

........

When you are still plagued by doubts, uncertainties and worries.
It is strange. I was worried too about making big chances when I was younger but I guess stakes were lower then with no commitments (except to self). My worries were not so great and my adrenalin and bravado (or foolhardiness) was much higher then. I was also more carefree and just went with the flow. I didn't hem and haw so much...

Stakes are higher now? With kids, with own age and health to consider, etc.

I think I am just muddling myself up.
Again.

Ruminating

Presented with an opportunity.
For the first time in a very long while.
Maybe 7-8yrs.
Hesitating.
Dilemma.
Can I handle it?
Do I want to remain status quo?
Am I brave and strong enough?

When in doubt, draw

I feel you

https://www.koreaboo.com/stories/seventeen-scoups-breaks-opening-anxiety/

"I hated myself so much at that time."
"...I thought I should hold on until I can push the limit."
"....as that anxiety increased, I felt more uneasy and scared."
"It's continued for a long time, longer than you would think."
- S.Coups


Even though I don't you personally, I feel you. And whatever you said in that article resonated with me alot. I didn't hate myself that much I think. I spent more time trying to calm the storm & gales within me.

I hope you're feeling better after your hiatus. You know yourself best. There's a reason why there's the phrase "being self-aware". If you need to take a break again, please do so. A breather goes a long way, even if it's a short one.

Burst. Of happiness.

When your table and new table lamp have arrived. From Lazada and Shopee.
And you’re happy and thankful to finally have a desk of your own.

When what’s been bothering you has lifted.
And you’re happy and thankful things are so.

When you had a good session reconnecting with some colleagues online.
And you’re happy and thankful they have your back at work.

You draw. :)

random

Japanese bamboo is really not doing well. Many stalks are turning yellow.
Not sure why...root rot?

Need to repot the girls' aloes as well...they are turning brown and grey and generally not doing well, unlike all my other aloes. Maybe the soil mix I did wasn't good...too much coco coir inside maybe and not enough potting soil...

Reminding myself that next time, I will not get another foxtail fern anymore...Their leaves shed like crazy...and each leaf is a thin strand of 0.5mm thick and maybe 1cm long...constant sweeping needed lol....

Waiting, anticipating, hoping for the moss rose to bloom again...there are big buds but they don't seem to bloom and sometimes end up drying up....:( damn those bugs....

==========
left cheek, left gums.
the swelling has gone down quite abit.
but there is still residual swelling.
it's day 5.
hope it goes away fully soon.
i really do need to do something about those wisdom teeth.
sigh.

==========
有时候觉得这家没有真正属于我的空间
上厕所有时都有人敲门要你
晚上要画画写字也不知可去哪里
有时只想一个人静静的躲在一旁听歌或做东西
 自己陪自己

Bugs

Discovered 2 mealybugs on the Water Plum this morning. Maybe I should switch to calling it the Water Jasmine instead as it seems to be the more commonly known name.

Guess I’ve not managed to fully eradicate the bugs. NB. #%}]>&$?!;@¥£^#!!!

My organic fertilizer was delivered yesterday. Will give the plant a good spray later this evening.
And will try to give the plant a good look over before that and pluck off whatever bug I can find.

War has started again.
Bah, just when I thought it was over.

Tenant no more

Just when the girls decided to name the caterpillar on my pomegranate plant Catty, it decided to kaput on us.

On Thursday morning, we noticed that it was hanging by its back legs from a branch. We thought it was getting ready to spin a cocoon. By evening, it was in the same position and nothing seemed to have changed.

Friday, it was still in the same position, nothing had changed except that it looked like it was drying up. I knew it had died but not sure why. Half of me was still wondering if this was part of the metamorphosis stage. But by Saturday morning, we confirmed it had died lah. As it was really drying up and was still in the same position.

We removed it from the plant and threw it away.

Bye Catty..May you get the chance to turn into beautiful butterfly in your next life.

Record-breaking

There was a record number of deliveries to our house today lol.

1. Airplants came (disappointing but I’ll leave the story for another day)
2. Salmon from Apollo Marine
3. One of K’s packages
4. Potting soil and organic insecticide from Greenspade
5. Surprise Aroma truffle chips from Ally!
6. My desk (Yes finally!! I’ll have a proper desk of my own!!)
7. Dinner lol

Our doorbell rang quite abit today and even Alyssa asked, “Mama, why today so many people ring our doorbell?” Haha...

CB - the good

Trying to keep my spirits up and be thankful...So listing down the good stuff that the Circuit Breaker has brought about to me & the family...

1. The girls have both been getting more physical time out of the house compared to before the CB. (Yes, what an irony) They've been going down at 4 or 5-plus in the afternoon each day to run around or to ride their bikes or skate scooters. 
2. The girls have both learnt how to ride on a bicycle! And within a month too..they are now stable enough to even go on the park connector and ride around 1-2km. 
3. The girls have not been slacking in terms of their work and studies. Although sometimes it is quite pek chek getting them to do their work. 
4. The girls have been reading books (or at least flipping through books) each day now. 
5. Nadya can bathe herself fully (except that she sometimes doesn't shampoo her hair thoroughly enough) and she can help to bathe or supervise Alyssa during bathtime too! 
6. We've been having more home-cooked food! And at the same time, we've also been trying out different types of outside food too, because for 2 days a week, we order in, instead of cooking. Just to add some variety to our lives. :)
7. We, or at least K, has been trying out some baking recipes.
8. I've been getting more time in the open as well, compared to when I had to go to the office. Talking walks each day or every other day. Short slow walks but better than nothing.... 
9. I've always wanted to have a WFH arrangement so this in a way..is like a mini wish come true for me. 
10. Took the opportunity during this WFH time to completely wean myself off Omeprazole. It's been 2 months since I stopped. Yay..!
11. I've also been able to spend more time to tend to my plants (and fight the bugs that recently came to disturb some plants).

Breathe

I usually fall asleep pretty quick. Unless the girls disturb me.

But this week, since Monday I think, my mind keeps running for more than 30mins...sometimes maybe 45mins before I manage to fall asleep.

Doesn't help that K wakes up at 6-ish each day and then I get woken up as well.

Feeling quite drained this week. Tummy acting up on several days, bottom left gum acting up as well.

Trying to do work but either the girls or ops issues keep cropping up and interrupting me.

Jiayou...
Head high...trudge on.

Tenant has reappeared!

We made a mistake! The tenant is still around!
Mr Caterpillar must have been super duper camouflaged when we tried looking for him the previous afternoon.

Alyssa found him again yesterday afternoon haha. Hanging from a branch that he's often on. WE're glad the rains 2 night ago didn't sweep him off his perch on the plant.
When we checked yesterday evening, he was still around, but on a different branch, basking in the evening sun amongst a bunch of leaves.

He doesn't look any bigger than before though. Thought they were supposed to gorge themselves then hibernate in their cocoon while they metamorphosise?

p/s: we really don't know if Mr Caterpillar is a guy or girl...I gave it a gender and called him Mister. :) The girls wanted to name him but....couldn't agree on one...yet.

Tenant

We had a new tenant.

3 days ago I discovered a brown caterpillar on my pomegranate plant. It was about an inch long and maybe less than a cm wide. Almost missed it if not for the fact that it was clinging on to a branch in a curved position.

I didn’t know whether it was alive or if it was just some weird branch at first. It was only a day later that I confirmed it was a live insect when it changed positions and went to a different branch. I’d never actually seen it move though. Would have been interesting to catch it in action.

Nadya, being the scaredy cat, refused to take a look at it. Alyssa, the younger but more garang one, was very curious and went up close to get a good view of it. She was also actively monitoring it and announced to me this morning that “the caterpillar is till there!”

Alas, when I went to check on it this afternoon, it was no longer there. Helper couldn’t find it either. Alyssa couldn’t too.

Tenant no more.

We were still hoping it would form a cocoon and eventually turn into a butterfly.
Oh well...it was still a nice experience for us. :)

Buy!

Laoniang...went on a “spree” today...
And bought gardening stuff online from various retailers...
Coupled with the airplants I bought 2 weeks ago (which have not arrived)....and the aluminum wire to make airplant holders (which have already arrived)
That makes it maybe $70-$80 worth of stuff?

Ok lah. Could have been more...;p

The spoils today?
- Mini tool set including cutters, widger, rake, pincers, shovel, etc
- 3 packs of potting soil (trying out the brand Greenspade, hope it’s better than OGL)
- Butterfly pea seeds (if these don’t germinate at all, then I’ll just be very busy paiseh and snip off those found along the Lorong outside my place...even though I think they belong to someone..)
- Gardening mat (been wanting one!)

La Mouton Douce

This blog is 15yrs old.
Gosh, it's like my eldest child. My eldest daughter. Who has been with me through thick and thin and witnessed the various trials and tribulations and happy moments in my life. Mouton has been with me even before K appeared in my life.

Suddenly realised that in the midst of all comings and goings, this little mouton has been a constant through it all....unwavering.

Thank you for being there all this while.
Thank you for listening without judging.
Thank you for being that constant and not asking anything of me.
And thank you for holding all of my moments and memories in one big weave, even if I have forgotten many of the threads within.

Conversation with a 4.5yr old

Today, while I was hugging her and tucking her in for her afternoon nap.

A: Mama, always when I sit alone then I feel like crying. The water droplets are heavy and feel like they are going to fall.
Me: Huh why? You mean you feel this way at home or in school last time?
A: At home and in school. Because nobody has time for me. Nobody wants to be with me. Nobody play with me. Then I feel sad and I want to cry.


My sweet, sensitive and emphathetic baby...

K & I are working from home. Nadya has her Zoom sessions with her student care service centre. Helper is sometimes handling must-do chores and cooking meals. So Peanut's left alone to loiter around the house...

Sigh...Mum guilt.

Of flowers and ....parenting

The previous night, I drew flowers for Alyssa and she coloured them. 

Last night, Alyssa requested me to draw a garden of flowers for her again. 

And emphasised that she wanted them completely plain so she could fill them in with colours and decorations. She then ran off while I was drawing and never did come back to colour them.

Except to glance at the drawing and say "Good job Mama! So pretty!"

zzzzz I ended up colouring them myself....

Wishlist

I think I had a wishlist of things that I wanted to do...or something like that..written last year...
This time round, it's a wishlist of furniture, equipment and tools that I wanna get, assuming that $$ and cost and storage space are of no issue hahaha....

• Dyson vacumn cleaner - yeah, the pretty handheld ones used in K-dramas cos I am superficial like that LOL
• Dyson fan - same reason...chio
• Standing garment steamer

• Hair styling set - I'm a low maintenance lady actually, I don't do such things on a daily basis so this is just for those rare occasions when I have a special event to attend
• IPL tool/machine - no explanation needed....

• Proper oven - for baking, roasting, cooking, etc (not sure though about the pros and cons between a conventional oven and a convection oven
• A nice and proper full set of dinnerware - with main & side plates, pretty cutlery and matching table runners and table mats
• Breadmaker
• Kitchenaid - for all that mixing and kneading and dough-making and pastry-making
• Steamboat pot & portable stove for it & accompanying steamboat ladles
• Smokeless grill
• Bruno! Or Ninja Foodi multi-cooker?

• Treadmill - for well....erm...exercise?
• Stationary bike - for.....hmm...

• A garden trellis and other similar stuff (mini gazebo?) - so that I can hang airplants and grow ferns and vines and creepers like money plant, tomatoes, butterfly pea and grapes!! 
• A walk-in storage garden shed, or a large shelf to store all such tools - with enough shelving to segregate between wet/damp and dry materials, and to segregate between the regular gardening stuff and terrarium stuff. 
• A small garden - ok, I know this is not considered a tool, equipment or furniture lol...

• A bunk bed for the girls
• A bigger wardrobe and storage where all my clothes and bags can be kept in the same place

Plants

Moss rose

Happy to see new shoots growing each day. There are 2-3 strong shoots that have grown in height and length. Even happier to see new flower buds forming! Yes!! Mossie and I are defeating the mealybugs! But we won't rest till the flowers bloom again...:) Looking forward to that day!

The small offshoot in the pink pot is still not showing any signs of flowering though. Wonder why....

Japanese Bamboo (Dracaena Surculosa)

This little fella was doing so well over the last 8 to 10 months after I repotted it. Many new shoots sprouted and new leaves formed. But in the last 1-2 weeks, a few stalks of leaves suddenly started turning yellow. Those leaves then dried up and dropped off too...:( 

There was a leaf that had a big white spot in the middle. Not sure what that means yet. Will try to find some time to google. I like this fella alot and hope it gets well and strong again.

Food plans...

I tried something different for our meal yesterday. Thought to switch things up a little and have aglio olio as out main instead.

Laoniang didn't plan properly. Sigh.

We ran out of mushrooms so we only had mushrooms for lunch but none for dinner. I initially wanted to have scrambled eggs as sides but we only had 2 eggs left so we couldn't use eggs at all.  We just ended up frying sausages and hashbrowns to go with the pasta. And some cabbage soup.
Dinner was worse because we ran out of hashbrowns and sausages so I told the helper to just use up all the frozen fish fingers, fry some luncheon meat with tau kwa and throw whatever remaining frozen meatballs we had into the remaining soup.

So last night was a meal high in processed food.

It's been awhile since I had a meal like that. While the meal was ok and sufficiently tasty (cos salty mah haha)...I felt a little "jer lak" after that. My stomach was a little bloated but manageable.

But I woke this morning with a puffier than usual face (cos salt does that to you) and a bad stomach...Could feel the acid swirling around in side...gosh...I hope I poo soon so I get rid of whatever's in me....and I'd better drink more water to flush things out....

==========
Today's Wednesday. Our order-in day.

Mac for lunch and The Garden Slug for dinner.

TGS is our evergreen go-to place when we can't think of anything else. Consistent and though slightly oily, their food somehow is still easier on the stomach and doesn't cause any bloating or indigestion for us! No "jer lak" feeling too...We've been having TGS every week since CB began haha...And prior to that we visit their outlet at least 1-2 times a month and sometimes more....:)

Reminders to Self

• Don't let someone else affect your level of happiness. You're in control of your own state of mind and being. 
• 做好自己的本分，别管他人。Unless they step on your tail or in your turf of course. 
• Pick your battles. Might feel good to "win" trivial stuff. But that's just petty stuff. 要赢就来个大胜. Sometimes, it's ok to back away while still keeping your head high. 
• Ask and clarify if needed. Even if it means digging further and irritating others. For knowing more is also key to understanding more. 
• Don't let your ego get inflated. Don't get arrogant. Don't get 头大. 
• Don't be afraid too of stating your stand. 

Wrightia Religiosa aka Water Plum aka Water Jasmine aka Shui Mei aka 水梅

This fella chose a special day to gift something to me.

It came to me more than 6 months ago, in early October 2019. I don't think FIL meant it as a birthday present when he gave that pot to me but I treated it as one haha. Seed pods appeared a few weeks later and I was elated!

They grew over 2-3 months and looked like wishbones. I spent the time waiting and anticipating. I tried reading up online on how long it would take for the seed pods to mature and burst open. But I never really found an answer.

And so I kept on waiting.

 A month ago, one pod started changing colour ever so slightly. It turned a little brown. I was worried it was drying up or was affected by the bout of mealybug infection a few weeks ago. I wrapped a ziploc bag around the seed pods just to be safe. I didn't know what the hell I was doing actually haha.

Then a week ago, the heavy rains actually caused the bag to fall off. The seed pods remained intact on the plant. I put the bag back on.

And then a few days ago, the seed pad that was slightly brown split open very slightly. I was a noob water plum owner and didn't know if that meant the seed pod was about to burst open soon and spread its seeds all around...or was that just the seed pod dying from dehydration.

I kept the bag on.

And then...miracuously...on Sunday 10 May akak Mother's Day...I woke in the morning and for some reason, I stepped out onto the balcony after washing up. And I saw that...

Both seed pods had burst open!

Probably the night before or at dawn. Seeds with fluffy white hairs were collected in the ziploc bag! Yay! My plan had worked!

I'll keep some for myself and pass some to my FIL. He's good at germinating seeds...:)

The Tillandsias - airplants

Tillandsia Caput Medusae
This little fella's faring very well and showing obvious signs of growth. Seems like taking this one out to the balcony did it a lot of good. It's greener and more vibrant and it's strands are curling much around much more now. Yay! Hope it grows more and branches out more! Till it really looks like Medusa's head!

Tillandsia Ionantha
I only know it's an ionantha but not sure of the sub-species... This one looks totally like a pineapple's top. It seems to be doing ok and growing...I think. Growing very very slowly. Still about the same size. And one leaf seems to have gotten a little rotten...:( but the rest are still fine.

Tillandisa Brachycaulos
This one had the most potential last time and I was elated when it started growing roots last year...but then it grew stagnant and some tips were browning. After shifting this one to the balcony, I still can't tell if it's doing better or not...still seems to be stagnant. See how this one goes.....

The Coll

Questioned her staff about an inconsistency in their department's processes.
Why the double-standard on the stringent checks done on others and such lax processes within their own team?

The staff kept silent. For 2 weeks.

Laoniang keeps track one ok. You can say I 咬死不放, even if it's a trivial and small thing.
It's the principle behind it and the mentality behind it that 我看不爽.

Sent a chaser today asking for a response to my query.
One staff replied, with rubbish irrelevant info.
The Coll responded and told me to ignore that staff's info and she herself gave me other irrelevant info.

咬死不放.
I questioned her again.
And she went silent on me.

Everytime like that. When she knows she is fighting a losing battle, she ignores and stays silent.
Nabeh. %&$^#%

Of bakes and...om nom nom

We've been baking banana bread 4 days in a row....

Day 1 - test bake, which turned out a little burnt on the bottom but was still relatively nice...
Day 2 - baked for the Chias, they were the ones who gave us the bunch of bananas...
Day 3 - baked for K's family, for Mother's Day...delivered over to Kembangan...
Day 4 - i.e. today...baked for my family, for Mother's Day and delivered over to Pasir Ris...

We still have a bunch of bananas left...Pisang Merah...
Not sure how we'll settle those...we'll prolly bake another banana cake again...lol...

==========
I still have 4 sheets of frozen puff pastry left.

Hope to do a proper sausage roll tomorrow if I have the time. I hope they do puff up properly!!

==========
We still have plain flour and potato flour and bread flour and yeast and baking powder and baking soda and blocks of butter and icing sugar and salted caramel chips and chocolate chips...and.....

I wanna make more of the salted caramel tarts I did 2-3 weeks ago and I wanna try making soft buns and pizza too...but...有心无力 lol...

Limbo. To-Do. Striking off.

Many work things are in limbo at the moment.
Things I want to get a hold on and finish up but can't seem to.
Projects big or small that I want to wrap up and move on from, but can't seem to.
And it's due to others e.g. the other party going MIA on me, or my boss not responding not me.
Or things are too complicated everyone is losing steam, or things that need to be done but have low priority but still need to be done and are eclipsed by other higher priority matters.

And so these work items end up still camping on my to-do list. More and more such stuff.
It's annoying when I cannot strike them off and move on fully to other things.
Because I cannot continue with these items, I have to start on other items.
And then I end up having many half-cooked items on the list.
There are things that have been squatting in my to-do list for 1.5yrs.
My list is turning into a slum.

And I'm hesitant and procrastinating on starting other items for FY20.
Because I don't the list to grow too large that I end up losing sight of stuff.

Rants. Rants.
Drats.

Resonation

"Anxiety and loneliness seem to be with me for life. I put alot of meaning on how I would work it out, but it seems like I have to study it for my entire life."

- Suga, BTS

6 May 20

Day 30 of the Circuit Breaker.
Wow, time passed so fast. Sunrise. Sunset. Ping! Another new day.

Mixed feelings.

Love that I'm getting more time with the kids and getting them to learn, and understanding where they are at in terms of their academic capabilities. On the other hand, they drive me nuts sometimes with their bickering and them not giving me space (to do my own stuff or sit with my own thoughts) even when I ask for some.

I love it that I'm working from home. No need to wake early to get prepped. No mad rush in the mornings to get the kids and myself ready. No time "wasted" on commute. More time for sleep...:) More flexibility. And of course, working from home means having more home-cooked food, which is good for my stomach...I don't like the juggling though haha. Sometimes there's too much of it. The constant need to switch the mind between work and home duties and teacher duties and child minding duties and other duties like responding to friends or colleagues who have reached out and checking in parents and in-laws...The lines blur too much and each aspect of life osmosizes together and then it becomes one big messy pool. I'd also bring the girls down for their daily outdoor time at 4-plus and then when I come home, I'd be clearing some more work, if needed, at 5-plus and 6-plus and/or 7-plus. Sometimes if there's no time....work will still be done at 9-plus.

Love it that I'm eating at home. Somehow feel more comfortable doing so. And getting to try outside food for 2 days a week when we order in for some variety. At times though haha...we aren't sure or run out of ideas on what to order. And then some monotony sets in.

Will CB be extended again? I don't know really...I forsaw the first extension. I'm leaning toward another extension at the moment. Let's see what the G says in time to come. Community cases are still not low enough...

Conversations with a 4.5yr old

This morning.

A: Mama! Here you go. For you!
Me: *reaches out my hand*
A: *drops a little piece of something onto my palm"
Me: What's this???!!!
A: My eyewax! Just for you! *big grin*

sigh.....lol.

==========
This is a little exchange we have sometimes.

Me: I love you alot alot alot alot alot alot alot!! You love me too?
A: Ya! I love you this big!! *stretches out her arms the widest possible*

Still gets me feeling warm and fuzzy each time, no matter how many times she does it.

Crumbs

Monday morning. The daily grind starts again!
WFH + HBL
A little rusty after the long weekend but still good...Nadya was a little whiny but got into it pretty soon too...
Then again...weekdays and weekends are all pretty blurred to me right now also....

==========
Water plum had a bumper bloom session over the last 3 days...the flowers are very fragrant but quite fragile as well. Heavy rain and strong winds these few days made at least 15-20 flowers and sometimes 30-over flowers drop each day...so sad...

Most flower buds are not forming or growing that fast anymore so I'll only get a few blooms each day over the next week or so....

==========
Moss rose is doing much better compared to a month ago. Many new shoots are forming after the tremendous trimming it underwent a few weeks ago to get rid of bugs.

This morning, I caught a big mealybug feasting on one new shoot with a new flower bud so I squashed it and squashed it and squashed it. Reminder to self to spray the moss rose with neem oil again.....

==========
Kids at home =
Crumbs on the floor =
Ants are happy =
Lizards are happy =
Mama not happy

of stomach and gum woes...

It is amazing how reflux or an imbalance in the gut brings me various types of discomfort...

• stomach cramps at times
• breathlessness at times
• a general lethargy which can be mild or strong
• upper stomach discomfort
• bloatedness
• diarrhoea at times
• chest discomfort
• throat/neck aches if the reflux gets quite bad 
• bitter taste in mouth, sometimes just on its own, sometimes when I burp
• irritability, when too many symptoms occur at the same time, or when a single symptom shows up strongly, or...just because

At times, it can be just 1 or 2 symptoms, at other times, it's a combination of different symptoms. 

I weaned myself off omeprazole over several months and I've been completely off it (finally) for the past 1 month and 1 week. I was happy that I had no major discomfort, perhaps helped by the fact that I am WFH now and having light home-cooked meals with soup almost everyday. 

Maybe the strong doses of antibiotics (for my gum infection) are putting pressure on my stomach. I couldn't sleep well last night due to stomach cramps. Certain sleeping positions made me feel worse. 

Woke this morning and resolved to manage the stomach well today. So far it's manageable and doesn't make me feel too horrid. 

Fingers crossed that all will be well. 

That my stomach will hold up and that my gum will heal soon so I don't have too feel too worried about it and I don't have to contend with chewing only on the right side of my teeth...

bits and pieces

I miss Mama, aka my granny. That's what we call her. More specifically, Ma3Ma2.
But then again, in these unique times, I'm glad she's not around and at risk of catching the virus.

I still remember in the week after she passed on, I kept seeing a small brown moth hovering around my room and Nadya's room, especially at night. Nadya was only 6 months old at the time. I've never seen a moth hang around for so long in the years since.

==========
A little woozy from the antibiotics. 2 different types taken at the same time so maybe it might be strong....

On the brighter side of things, maybe it'll get rid of some of the bacteria that was making my throat a little scratchy...:)

==========
Suddenly realised that 不知不觉 I've stopped spending time each day to list down things that I feel grateful and thankful for that day. And it's been for several months...oops. ;p

Made a conscious effort to do so last night before I slept..Initial goal was to list down 3 things but 不知不觉 again....it became a list of 6-7 items haha, some of which included...

1. Nadya didn't cry yesterday morning when doing her work
2. A dentist was willing to see me! Even though he wasn't allowed to provide any cleaning or scaling services.
3. I took an hour off work in the afternoon and witnessed Nadya riding a bike! She rode the pedal bike for the first time ever on Monday afternoon but I had not been around to see it...So yesterday when I was present, and K was assisting her, I managed to take videos of it! Yay, so proud of her...she'd only been using the balance bike for less than a month and suddenly she could ride the pedal bike already!
4. I have a good working relationship with ST. (spent almost whole day with her yesterday to discuss how to handle one messy customer-reseller-reseller-registrar-registry issue)

==========
Trying to see how I can make some hanging holders for the airplants....

Owwww...

Not a good time to get a gum infection.

Made 2-3 calls to a hapless, clueless, not very helpful and inexperienced receptionist at the usual dentist I go to for "emergencies". I was still rejected by her in the end and not allowed to go and see my dentist. Because apparently I can still chew on the other side of my mouth, and I can still sleep at night.

I asked her: "This is your criteria for determining whether or not I am allowed to go in to see your dentist? What if it's a gum infection and travels to my bloodstream and infects the rest of me?"

Her response: "Would you like to call another branch? The staff there are more experienced. But no, don't think it will infect your blood. Actually, I don't know. but I don't think so. Would you like to make an appointment for after CB ends?"

@#%#$&^%

Finally found another dentist willing to see me at Bedok Mall.

So yeah, I've an infection caused by leftover food particles which were not cleaned off properly. It's at the upper left corner, where the last molar and the wisdom tooth is at. Hard to reach, even with floss and interdentals....

The area around it is reddish which according to the dentist who saw me....was due to the fact that bacteria from the fermenting food had gotten into the bloodstream and infected the surrounding tissue...so not only the gum area was infected, part of the root of my mouth and another area near the back of my throat was also infected...

Given mouthwash and 2 different types of antibiotics. 2 different types because 1 was needed to protect my heart just in case it brings issue to my existing (minor) heart problem. To complete in 5 days. 2 types of antibiotics X 2 tablets each time for each type X 3 times a day = 12 tablets a day....zzz...

On the brighter side...while he was not allowed to do cleaning or scaling of my teeth due to the current covid CB restrictions...he managed to help me floss/dig out some meat fibres from that area....it was gross and embarrassing...but necessary....haha.

Hope the medication doesn't cause my stomach to go haywire...

Fighting!!

Of.....meals.....

Had a video call with the inlaws last evening.
MIL threw up an unexpected comment....that got me a little riled up.
Maybe I'm sensitive and emotional these couple of days. Maybe that's why I am reacting more.

K and I were in front of the camera. The girls were in the background playing.
MIL mentioned to K something along this line "Now that you are not eating at my place but on your own, I think you're not eating food that's healthy (compared to what I prepare)".

Erm...hello?

Ever since we moved into our own place, Laoniang spends alot of time each week making meal plans and planning menus ok. I try to meet both K's needs as well as the girls'. And I try to ensure there's different types of proteins and carbs and veg ok. Granted that there may not be as much fish or fruits as I would like there to be. But still it's a pretty balanced diet, with no deep-fried or overly oily stuff.

For someone who takes pride in meal planning, the comment definitely got to me. Especially when now during CB days we're cooking on an almost daily basis.

There were other potential sub-texts as well, stemming from that single comment.

"You are not taking care of my son and my grand-daughters well enough."
"You are not doing a good job."

K said that all mothers think the same and that in their minds, DILs will never match up to their expectations.

Whatever lah. Sigh.

Update:
Someone (who is almost an MIL already) offered me a different perspective. That my MIL made that comment because as a Mother, she misses her kids and grandkids eating at her place and misses taking care of her brood. And that all Mothers feel they (and only they) take care of the family best....

Thank you for giving me a different perspective LH....

Plants

Water Plum Bonsai
Many leaves started turning yellow a few days ago. It definitely alarmed me and I didn't know what to do. I spent some time this morning looking over it. Couldn't get a chance to do so over the last few days. Managed to get rid of one damn big mealy bug. But that was the only one I saw and I'm glad it is so. There may be some more lurking around that I could't quite see with my eyes but I'm glad the situation has improved.

I'm just wondering why leaves are turning yellow. And dropping. :(

I counted almost 40 bunches of flower buds. Some have bloomed and are getting older. Some are just starting out. Are these taking up too much nutrients and energy from the plant? And thus causing the leaves to turn yellow?

No idea...:( Need to monitor and see how it goes...fingers crossed.

Moss Rose
This fella's looking much better than before. New buds and new shoots are coming out.
There are still some greyish stalks here and there and I hope most of the mealybugs have gone off.
I'll need to give it a "spray-over" with the neem oil again this evening....

The Girls' Aloes
Ok these are not doing good. Could be the soil I'm using? Or the mix of soil that I did up? :(
Sad lah...Hope they hang in there longer...

Nadya + HBL

I start my work at 7:45am.
And then I get Nadya to start her work at 8:00am.

It's another "record" today.
I made her cry at 8:15am.
It's always when we're doing Math. Subtraction within 20 is still a challenge for her.

Ended up doing deep breathing with her to calm her down and settle her frustrations.
Held her hands and did breathing and counting together.
Guess I needed it myself.
Took the opportunity to inject some comic stuff while doing deep breathing.
Just to lighten the air.

And then we continued.

I hope I am guiding her properly.
Both in terms of managing her anxieties.
As well as in terms of her work.....

Getting to be of some concern that her Chinese doesn't seem up to par and her Math subtraction seems to be a major stumbling block for her.

Guilt

• For making the older one cry when guiding her in school work 
• For neglecting the younger one 
• For leaving both to the helper when I need to settle work 
• For not being able to teach the younger one more stuff...and letting her roam around aimlessly 
• For feeling frazzled and sometimes wanting out 
• For raising my voice on more than a few occasions
• For lacking the physical and mental strength to do more for them, the family and myself 

Jiayou Mama!

Woke feeling a little fatigued and achey.
Maybe the warm weather and the daily multi-tasking is getting to me. Plus we can't get outdoor time in the condo carpark already. MCST issued a circular informing residents that we can't let our kids run or ride bikes or ride skate-scooters or play in the carpark anymore.....so I also don't get any 30min or 1hr each day to unwind anymore...

While I think we can bring the kids out to walk for a short 10-15mins at the lorong next to our condo, it also brings me some unease...and it makes me uncomfortable when some people stare at us.

Hope I can tahan the day ahead. And hope I can get a 30min nap somewhere somehow.

Laoniang's plants....

Managed to squeeze in 15mins of gardening time yesterday.

Water Plum Bonsai
Very happy to see that the water plum bonsai is doing much better. After 2-3 weeks' of TLC and one-on-one attention, at least 5 sessions of spraying the plant with neem oil, and at least 5 sessions of me scrutinising the plant like shit and personally going through each leaf and plucking out whatever mealybug I could find, I'm very happy to share that the plant has started growing new leaves and flower buds for the past week! In fact, there were 1-2 blooms some days ago already...:)

Still need to monitor though...some leaves are still a little on the yellowish side, which means it still isn't in the best of health yet and not fully out of the woods.

Moss Rose
Laoniang have it a very vigorous trim 1-2 weeks ago when I discovered that it was infected with the mealybugs as well. Chopped off all the dead or dying stalks. And sprayed the rest of the plant with neem oil...

And so I've been trimming affected parts and spraying the neem oil on and off. Happy to see that new shoots and leaves are sprouting. This one needs further work before it can be restored to its full glory again...right now, it has not flowered since Day 2 of CNY when it used to have at least 1 bloom each day. I hope to nurse it back to that state again!

Local Pomegranate
Despite looking half-dead, this plant never ceases to amaze me. It has 3 flower buds again...if no birds come to pick at them, I believe most of the buds will develop into fruits again...:)

Fox-tail Fern
Damn cute. It flowered...tiny little white flowers...so tiny...but they are drying up already....

Tillandsias
Right now, if I have the time, I'll try to read up more on tillandsia care...
I have 3 of such airplants which I brought back from the office....though I've not specifically identified one of them. One's a Tillandsia Ionantha, another's a Tillandsia Caput Medusae and the last one....no idea what it is haha....

Terrarium
Bruoght 2 back from the office. The almost 2 yr old terrarium....sigh...heart-breaking...the plants inside mostly died. All within a few days after bringing it back home. They must have been too used to the aircon in the office....plant shock given the warmth of the house...Now all that's left is the moss bed and a tiny scraggly green fittonia that seems like it's going going gone soon too.....see how....

CB Day #10

I still find it hard to say CB or CCB....Circuit Breaker and Covid Circuit Breaker...
Because I'm so used to the Hokkien version of these 2 acronyms....

Last night was a shiong one where I was woken up twice by Alyssa, once by Nadya who kicked me, once by Nadya again who got fed-up when Alyssa kicked her, and twice by the helper who was not so subtle when she woke to use the common toilet. Grand total of 6 times...I thought I'd be extremely zombiefied but....so far so good...running on adrenaline....

The day's gone by pretty ok so far. Hope it stays this way for the rest of the day.
I got Nadya to do her work. Managed to get Alyssa to do some work as well. Alyssa was also quite good today and read books (or rather looked at the pictures in the books) while chilling in between doing work. Managed to do some of my own work as well and also got Alyssa to watch 2 videos uploaded by her school for her learning.

Took a 10-min nap when putting Alyssa to sleep for her afternoon nap....

And now...back to work while K is with Nadya doing her online learning stuff....

Ganbatte!!!

Nadya

Ok, so Nadya's max is 2 days.
Today's Wednesday. It's 8:45am in the morning.
She's less motivated to do her work. And keeps requesting help for simple stuff that she would normally be able to do on her own.
She just started crying.

The same last week. HBL started on Wednesday and she did well for the first 2 days.
On Friday morning she was whiny and cried as well.

They have it more difficult these days. Compared to when I was a kid I don't ever remember having to do any homework or stuff when I was in P1 or 2. I only remember having Chinese tuition and then half the time my mind was in the air during tuition also haha.

Ganbatte....to all

Breathe

Jiayou Mama.
You can do this.
Breathe....

Remind yourself not to get too anxious.
Else your stomach chui...and not good for your mind also....

Tough morning juggling 2 girls. I spent 3 hours writing an email and an hour out of that trying to read through a long email.

Hope it gets easier as the days go by....
Might need to reconfig a little.
See how.

Ganbatte
Hae suiss-da
Yu!

HBL + WFH days

Multi-tasking on HBL days means my already flighty brain is further tested...sometimes I feel more bird-brained than ever. Anxiety levels are up in the mornings too when both girls want my attention and my laptop screen is also blinking with DM messages from my team-mates.

Each girl has both online and offline stuff to do, for 3-4 subjects for school. And for their enrichment classes as well.  Sometimes the schedules and instructions given to us are clear and easy to understand. Sometimes the instructions and what to do are not clear and we have to spend some time figuring out what exactly the school or enrichment centre wants us to do. 

Meal planning is no longer for each weekend but for each day now haha. 

Glad that I have a helper to settle the physical chores and cooking. 

We've been experimenting with cooking as well, with the kids. I've taught Nadya how to make toast using a frying pan (we don't have a toaster at home). We've made chocolate chip cookies, pancakes and this afternoon K embarked on an endeavour to make pear crumble pie...hope it turns out well. :) 

(p/s: He is providing eye power and some helicopter instructions, helper is making most of the pie, and the girls are helping (or messing up) out here and here....)

Thankful too that work seems to have slowed down abit...maybe in large part because the higher-ups are roped in to settle Covid issues and other urgent matters like 5G. 

Fingers crossed for the days to come...:)

Of Arrows...and ECAs

Hats off and kudos to all my colleagues who were activated in the past 1-2 weeks to help out in various matters relating to the Covid-19 situation.

I've colleagues who were asked to be safety distancing ambassadors, and to help in other frontline and background work, which are not convenient to be shared here.

I was arrowed a small task yesterday as well. If the boss' boss calls you on a Sunday at 1pm, you better pick his call....and of course, I'd already prepped myself in case I had to go out to do something. I was thankful it was something that could be settled from home. Although it was something urgent urgent urgent.

Another Ministry was requesting information that wasn't readily available. Had to activate another tech colleague to extract the data out for me and has to sieve through and massage the data a little before I could get the info out. Settled the matter in 1.5hrs, with no follow-ups needed from that Ministry.

Phew.

Public and civil servants are being recruited left, right and centre to do all sorts of stuff now...But I think all teachers are spared this as they've enough on their plates what with all the HBL going on.