RIP Huang Wenyong

Somehow, veteran actor Huang Wenyong’s sudden death just this Saturday past has saddened me quite abit. My mum feels it too.

Maybe it’s because he’s a long-time actor who has been gracing our TV screens for the last 30 years and I grew up watching all his shows on TV. Maybe my mum feels sad because he’s around the same age as her and it strikes a chord within you when one who’s your age passes on.
In any case, 黄文永，一路好走。

Capturing a Life in Words

Back in February, I started on a blog post. The idea was a simple sraightforward one but the task behind it was quite mammoth. I didn't realise it until I started writing the first 2 paragraphs.

I chickened out and left that entry in draft mode till sometime last week when I picked it up again and wrote a whole lot more.

And then I realised, this can't be just a mere blog entry. The content alone would take up several A4 pages and if I were to add in photos, there would be much more pages taken up. The more I wrote, the more I realised that there were side stories and details which had to be thought through and maybe reasearched on.

And so, I have decided, I am embarking on a personal project.

To write Granny's story.

A biography of sorts.

From the time she was born till now, 97 years later.

Alot of it would be based on my own memory from what she shared with me when I was younger.
My current approach would be to draft up a skeletal framework of how each section of the story would be like and then fill it up with details later on, based on what I can yield from the recesses of my memory.

I have not shared this with Adrian or the parents yet but I am hoping that when I at least have a draft, I could then interview my Dad. I think he would be a treasure trove full of information to share with me about Granny. And then I can beef up the story with even more details and verify if the stuff I wrote was accurate.

I don't know if I am being ambitious.

This will definitely take a long time.

Granny

I don't think Granny even knew Dad and myself was there at her bedside yesterday.
She'd kept her eyes closed all the way, even when I was feeding her porridge.
Aside from that, she looked a little more gaunt compared to when I last saw her a few weeks ago.
Needless to say, she didn't utter a word.

Because she only opened her mouth a tiny bit for each spoonful I fed her, it took me more than an hour just to feed her her lunch. I was feeling tired and a little nauseous from the awkward position I had to be in to feed her. (I was sitting sideways on a chair and had to lean forwards each time).

After lunch, when we lowered her bed down, all she did was to continue keeping her eyes closed and then doze off to sleep.

I hope she'll be more alert the next time I see her.

Side note: The lady on Granny's left has passed on.....She had been there way before Granny started staying in the nursing home back in 2007. Sigh...

Auntie Conversations

I need to record this down for posterity. One of the most hilarious of auntie exchanges I've heard in a long time.

I was in the ladies at Parkway Parade eariler this evening. I was washing my hands at the sink when two Chinese aunties came in and they each went into a cubicle.

Very soon after, there was a flushing sound emanating from one of the cubicles.

Auntie 1: Eh, ler ho liao ah?? (Hey, you're done already??)
Auntie 2: Ya, pang jio nia mah. (Ya, just peeing only what.)
Auntie 1: Wah lau, an zua ler an ni geen? Wah doh ah buay teng kor go leh!! (Wah lau, how come you're so fast? I have not even taken off my pants!)


Another Chinese woman and myself started smiling at each other at the sinks lol....

*bored*

3.5 more hours to go before the end of the workday...and the end of the work week!

Itsies and Bitsies

I have not seen Granny for 3 weeks already. Looking forward to seeing her tomorrow.
I hope she'll be alert tomorrow. And I hope she recognises me.
I know she recognises my photograph because Dad told me so. He showed her the photos he has of me in his mobile phone.

===============
Decided to pamper myself a little last night and slapped on a gel mask. It felt really good.
And my skin felt somewhat refreshed. Woke this morning to see my skin still looking happier than past days. :)
Although it's still peppered with newly sprung up zits....-_-

===============
On a physical front, I still think that Joanne Peh looks better with Bobby Tonelli than with Qi Yiwu.

===============
Loads of weddings this year, I'd better start saving up.
One in April just past.
One more in May
Two in June.
One in July.
One in December.

Is the Year of the Snake is a good year to get married??

===============
I have been a total slacker at work over the last two weeks, especially this week.
Part of the reason is my zombified state and I can't really get down to doing much.
Another excuse is that I have an able helper doing some of the things and all I need to do now is to check her work.
Another excuse is also that....I am procratinating on some work because I don't want to do them and I don't really know how to do them lol.

Oh dear, I've been a really bad employee these 2 weeks.

Cute cartoon

Saw this on FB the other day and thought it was quite nice :)

C-O-U-N-T-D-O-W-N

And the countdown begins.

6 more months. :)

Time Zips By

Time seems to zoom past real quickly this year.
Seems like just yesterday when I was enjoying bakkwa during CNY.
It's already April!

What have I done so far?

Feels like I did alot and yet nothing all at the same time haha.

News These Days

It is somewhat depressing reading the news each day. If it's not some murder or theft or assault, it'll be some bombing or abuse or accident.

Maybe I should switch to reading trashy gossip magazines lol. Or maybe I should just watch "Keeping up with the Kardashians" or "Chicagolicious" or "Enews" all day long.

Ok, or maybe I should find myself another hobby.
I've fallen a little out of love with gardening and building terrariums though, ever since I shifted house.

Hmmm....What can I do....???

Happy Birthday to My Special K!

Bonne anniversaire mon bebe...Tu as deja 32 ans! Comme moi!
Enfin, nous sommes du même âge hehehe. :)

J'espère que tu reste heureux, en bonne santé et bénis toujours. J'espère aussi que tu peut réaliser tous tes rêves et espoirs.

Nous allons marcher ensemble toujours!
Je'taime tellement. Muacks!

Morphosis

The last 2.5 weeks have not been entirely good for me.

Nausea, giddiness and sometimes breathlessness has crept into my life. I walk at a granny's speed to minimise any of these from happening or from worsening. I have been auntified and have resorted to carrying a pack of preserved plums in my bag to chew on if I feel the nausea welling up.

I am particularly susceptible to noise, constant chatter and crowded places.

I can't sit hunched over for longer than 5 to 10 minutes otherwise the nausea and discomfort starts up. I try to sit ramrod straight and then I get shoulderaches or neckaches, especially on the bus.

I am emo as well though it comes and goes. Am trying very hard to keep a balanced state of mind.

I find myself becoming a bit of an anti-social person. I don't really go out. I go to office and then back home again. When I'm at home, I spend most of my time in bed, either watching TV or napping.

I pack my lunch and eat at my work desk everyday to avoid the crowd and stuffiness at the foodcourt. I've pulled out of a social dinner as well because I felt really unwell at the last moment. That made me feel bad.

I don't sleep well at night and I wake an average of 2 to 3 times per night. As a result, I am a zombie at work.

I hope this phase passes over soon......real soon.

Advice

Noticed that as people get older, they tend to dish out more advice, whether it was asked for or not.

I don’t know if I’m doing it as well, I hope not.

“You should…do this and that…”
“It’s better to….do this and that…”

It all stems out of goodwill and a genuine desire to help. Although I have to say it could come across as being bossy, instructive or nosey at times.

Perhaps a nicer way to provide advice to others would be something like....

“Have you tried….this other method?...”
“Maybe this other way could do the trick…”

Reminder to self….

Heart check-up

Cleared my annual heart check-up today. ECG results were normal. :)

The doc didn't comment on the blood test I did 2 weeks ago. And I forgot to ask as well. So I took the results home and compared it with the result ranges given by my health screening company last time. Everything's good. My good cholesterol HDL is in the highest range and the bad cholesterol LDL is in the lowest range. Glucose and creatinine is normal. Good!

I was nervous about the blood test results initially. I'm relieved now. :)

Ok, one more check-up next week for my brain. Been 4 years since I had a check-up for that.

Relationships

It is during those quiet times alone that thoughts float in. These few days I keep thinking about some of the relationships in my life which have been estranged, whether knowingly, unknowingly or because of misunderstandings.

Some of these people were a part of my life for a good few years. But I guess each of us have gone our separate ways for so long now it is odd and awkward picking things up again.

People come, people go. Not everyone is meant to stay. Maybe it is suffice just to see their updates, if any, on Facebook.

I should treasure those who are by my side and those who have been there for me all these while.

Sunny Days

The sun has been at its mightiest over the last 2 weeks. 9 to 12 years ago, if it were this sunny on a Sat morning , I'd rejoice for it meant a great day at Siloso beach in Sentosa. My friends and I would frolick in the sun, eat and sleep under its strong rays.

My mum always said then that we were mad. "Kids crazy enough to bake in the sun for so many hours"

I think the present day me would agree with her too. Lol.

Cheesy afternoon

We spent our afternoon today attempting to make cheese. Both attempts failed. :(

When googling for possible reasons for our failed attempts, we discovered that store bought milk is likely to be highly pasteurized at high temperatures, which affects the curdling of the milk into cheese.

We only managed to get small drifty bits of curd like in the pictures and not big smooth pieces. Bleah.

I hope

A close long-time friend of mine shared with me a few months back that he was considering getting a divorce. While he somewhat believes in the sanctity of marriage and the vows taken under oath to care for each other for a lifetime, he felt that cultural differences and the fact that they were living in different countries for most of the time had put a toll on their lives and he couldn't see how their future together looked like anymore.

I met up with him again last week and he was still mulling things over. He had just come back from his wife's home country alone after a tiff. Things didn't seem to be going well even though he tried spending a few months there with her and her family. I could feel though that he seemed more determined to get a divorce. We were just saying that it might have been a good thing that no children were in the picture otherwise things would have been more complicated.

I just received a text from him. His wife just told him that she's expecting.

Sigh.
I hope things eventually pan out well for the both of them.

Granny

It was a situation which sprung on us suddenly in the middle of January this year. She was still ok and responding to us when we brought her out during Christmas in December 2012. But in mid-Jan, Granny suddenly stopped talking. And then by early February, it seemed that she was not registering anything we said. She’d look at us, sometimes quizzically, sometimes blankly, sometimes grumpily, but all the while not talking. It seems as though she does not recognise us as well. Not me, not my Dad, not my Aunt, not my brother.

She can still feed herself though it gets as messy as a two-year-old feeding himself. Whatever it is, I am still taking this as a good sign. At least her motor skills are still there.

It has been 2 months since she’s stopped talking. Maybe I should be accepting this fact by now but I am finding it extremely hard to. Each week when I visit her, I still try to talk to her. My Dad still shows her photos and pictures of my family members on his phone. We talk to her, help to feed her and try to incite a response from her. To no avail so far.

I don’t know if it is a conscious effort on her part to refuse to speak or a part of her brain has just stopped functioning the way it’s supposed to. I miss her talking, even if it is about nonsense stuff or about things and deceased people from decades ago. At least I know she is thinking and processing some things in her mind. Right now, all we get are blank stares. We don’t even get any grunts, groans or sounds coming from her.

It is upsetting. It is always upsetting to see her deteriorating. And tears always flow when I think of her and how she used to be.

The windows to my soul

Had my eye check-up done yesterday.

While it was uncomfortable having had my pupils dilated, it was good to hear from the doc that the situation is stable. My retinas, though thin and scarred in certain aeas due to the high power in both my eyes, are still dong alright. The big piece of floater in my right eye is still there though and it won't go away.

One thing I learned, when your pupils are dilated, much more light enters your eyes. When you're in an environment with artificial lightining, you eyes still feel ok. But the moment you step into natural daylight and when the sun is shining brightly, you can't open your eyes at all. It's almost like blinding light. You start tearing too. Even squinting and opening your eyes just slightly feels highly uncomfortable.

Something I don't look forward to each year

Every year at a certain period of time, I'll get somewhat bogged down by the number of medical appointments and follow-ups and check-ups that I have. That time of the year is coming soon over the next few weeks. I have 4 appointments over the next week alone.

I forsee alot of waiting in the hospitals and clinics. Sigh.

Life moves ahead all the time

And so as I slowly close off one small sub-chapter in my life (APRICOT 2013), I am slowly opening another chapter as well.

Period of change. Adventurous times ahead!

Onward we go and onward I charge!

clothes

Desperate times calls for desparate measures? Lol...Ok I am exaggerating.
BUT, I think I really need to go shopping on Sunday!

Hmm

Someone said 12 years ago that with the type of character I have (soft, hates conflict, not much opinion, easygoing), I'd likely not survive in the corporate world.

Come to think of it, maybe that theory holds true. I've been in govt-linked or govt agencies for the last 9 years.

So much leave!!

My boss very generously gave those involved 7 days off in lieu for the event we did.
I have 21 days of annual leave. I brought over 16 days from last year.

I did not use up any leave this year yet.

Which means I have 9 months left to clear 37 days of leave and 7 days of off in lieu. 44 days in total. 

I forsee difficulty in clearing the days lol....

Afternoon Amusement

My mum can be quite cute at times.

She is at NTUC at the moment and just called me to ask "What is the difference between mint and peppermint ah? Which one should I buy to cook Assam Laksa with?? This is so confusing!!"

It's like trying to explain to someone what is the difference between banana and pisang raja or what is the difference between beef and fillet mignon....:D

APRICOT 2013

And so the event has concluded successfully. This must have been one of the toughest projects I've handled. I can't say I'm very proud of it because I think I coud have done better on several accounts. But still, I give myself a pat on the back for having survived the 3-year preparation for it lol. :)

There are still many post-event loose ends to tie up and settle. But at least I need not rush to get it done. :) Woot!

Dinners of late

For the last few days, I've been having either no dinners or strange ones. Whatever I can grab from leftover tea breaks or cocktail events....

Dinner example #1
2 small chicken char siew buns
Some prawn fritters
2 bite sized sandwiches

Dinner example #2
6 har gows
4 mushroom siew mais
2 beef siew mais
1 vegetable quiche
2 bite sizes beef rolls with enoki

Dinner example #3
1 Nissin cup noodle
A small bowl of radish sou
A slice of bread with peanut butter

2 more days to go!

I thought I'd be strong enough but I overestimated myself lol. Tiredness and some amount of exasperation and frustration led to the opening of my floodgates last night. Damn, I told myself I'd not cry during the event no matter how tough it got.

But anyway, I'm glad it happened. Somehow, I felt lighter today. :) chirpier too.

2 more days to go only! Yes!!!

Funny Morning Cab Ride

Me: Uncle, to the Shangri-la Hotel please.
Uncle: Ok. Front entrance or back door?
Me: Huh?
Uncle: You're going there to work right?
Me: Errr ya
Uncle: If I remember correctly, Shangri-la Hotel employees are not allowed to alight at the front entrance right?
Me: -_-"
Me: Uncle I'm not an employee there ...going there to organise my own event...

Day 2

Day 2 of being on site.

I feel tired already.

There are still 1, 2, 3....darn, 11 more days to go!

Jiayou Michelle!!



Side ramble:
I cannot believe how irresponsible kids are these days.

We have some poly students from TP and NYP who were "volunteered" by their lecturers to help out in the event. 5 of the 8 TP students came for the temp staff briefing yesterday but went AWOL today. When we finally managed to call and reach them, they said they weren't interested in doing the job.

LIKE HELLO?! When you commit to something, whether you like it or not, you jolly well see it through and through. Even if you don't care about your reputation or are still so very immature, how can you get your lecturer or your school into trouble? And because of your childish actions, now my manpower plans are also screwed up.

17, 18 years of age. They should already have a good idea what responsibility is. But well. They obviously don't. They don't even have the maturity to think about the repercussions of their actions. I hope these few just happen to be the few black sheep in TP and don't represent the majority of the student population there.

Lessons Learnt

There are times when you can't take things at face value.

No matter how much you trust your colleagues, sometimes they can screw you over with one bit of wrong information.

Moral of the story?

If you can, try to settle things on your own.

If you can't, make sure you arm yourself with 110% worth of information about the situation even though you've deletegated that task out. Stay on top of things. Execution is done by someone else but the main planner is still you.

Oh well...

Many a time I've missed a bus just by a hair's breadth. And it still gets to me every single time, though to a lesser extent each time. Learning each day not to sweat the small stuff.

Happy Valentines' Day Baby!

It's our first Vday as husband and wife.

We've about to spend the night working in the study lol. Am glad I forsaw this happening and we'd already celebrated the occasion on the first week of Feb haha.

Luv u Baby!

CNY Day 2

By the time 2pm came today, I was already feeling zapped out. Too much noise, too much talking, too much small talk over the last 2-3 days.

Now I just want to hide in my room and have some quiet time.

But before that...another family gathering to go to first....

Happy Birthday Mama!

Granny turns 97 today! :)

And this is the best pic I can find of her. Taken in Feb 2012.

rant

early morning i know.

dealing with imbeciles, idiots who push the blame to others, people who think they are king and other deluded people who ask for the sky and the moon and now also the stars.

high-strung start to the morning.

deep breathing. trying to keep calm.

Love you 老爸老妈

I wonder if my parents miss me or feel lonely at home now that I'm no longer staying with them. Especially on festive occasions like Xmas or CNY. Maybe to a certain extent they do.

I do miss them. And I try calling them once every few days when I can and I go home for a meal with them at least once a week.

I miss my mum's cooking and my dad's youthful excitement when he sees something interesting.

I don't miss my mum's nagging though. ;p

Taxi ah Taxi, where are you when I need you?

Wonder where all the cabs went tonight.

Ended work at 930, couldn't seem to call a cab and was stranded at MBC. Decided to go Mac for a sinful dinner (it was the only place still open) and am finally on the bus home. It's Tuesday so I'm not feeling that tired yet.

K's still working too. Hope he gets off soon.....

Thank you Auntie

Different people leave different "prints" on your life, even if it was just a 30-min encounter.

Worked till almost 930pm on Friday night before I decided to do the rest of my work at home instead.

Called a cab and met with a lovely lady cab driver. Chatted with her alot.

The best piece of advice she dished out was:

"When you're sad, a day goes by. When you're happy, a day also goes by. It's your choice, you might as well be happy."

You really do get the most interesting and awesome stuff from cabbies.

Groggy morning

Wore my pants back to front today. Was wondering how my pants turned out to be ill-fitting and had pockets in front lol...

May the rest of the week bring good news, good resolutions, good progress and many more good things.

Jiayou!!

Hope I stay strong

Second time this week that I lost it and the floodgates opened. Frustrated. Upset. Time is running tight on us. And we are spending (wasting) time dealing with people who are a@@holes.

Full circle

I was sharing with both Ally and K that looking after an elderly person is quite akin to looking after a young child. The only difference is that one runs around and the other either moves slowly or is confined to a small space.

Granny was stubborn today and wanted to feed herself. Dad and I let her do so and she was dribbling bits of her porridge on herself. We're all well-trained now and make sure she wears a bib for every meal. After awhile though, she became tired and allowed me to feed her. It took a long time and she was falling asleep. I had to nudge her lips with the spoon each time I wanted to feed her.

From time to time, she'd miss getting everything on the spoon into her mouth and some would dribble on her lips or chin. Tissues would come into play at this point.

When she's full or doesn't want any food, she'd either shake her head or refuse to open her eyes or refuse to open her mouth.

If she's hungry, and you're not feeding her fast enough, she'd get grumpy and grumble, or she'd nudge you to show she wants more and quickly. Or she'd just open her mouth wide.

Today, I found myself smelling her diapers to see if she had poo-ed. And then it suddenly hit me that both Ally and some of my other friends who are mothers would do the same to their babies or toddlers.

So I think what they say is true. It really is a full circle.
When you near the end ofyour journey, you kind of go back to how you started that journey....

Milestone

Today marks the first time ever that 2-year-old Kyler called me Auntie Michelle. :)
His pronunciation was quite spot on too lol...Well done little man!

But I think 4 syllables must have been quite tough on him because he switched to Auntie Shell after that...and then he finally gave up and stopped calling me altogether hahha.

Mind's on a whirl

Thousand and one things. I bathe and suddenly remember something I need to do. I walk and suddenly remember another thing. Either that or I'm lost in my thoughts and I miss what's going on at that point in time.

Like how I almost missed my bus this morning, flagged late and hence got an early morning scolding from the bus uncle. The third time this week someone has "yelled" or "scolded" or "ranted" at me.

忍

I
Must
Not
Cry

I've some wisdom afterall

The dentist told me this afternoon that I've a wisdom tooth on the upper left corner. I know I've one on the upper right corner but this one of the upper left is new to me. It's growing out horizontally and I hope it doesn't cut into my inner cheek next time!

Xmas and CNY

This will be the first year I am officially giving out angpows during CNY. Somehow, I enjoy the physical act of wrapping angpows and presents. Choosing wrappers, deciding what style to wrap the gifts in, deciding what ribbons to use, making gift cards to attach to the gifts, etc. And choosing angpows and counting new notes to put in them....Therapeutic in a certain way. And it brings me a certain joy too.

But sometimes when I see the dent they make in my bank balance.........@_@

Lol

Happy Birthday My Lovely Ladies

5 Jan was Ally's birthday. We popped by her place for a surprise. PQ, Geraldine, Min Yen and I. PQ's birthday was on 6 Jan, so the rest of us planned a surprise for her within Ally's surprise. Sounds like the movie Inception? Lol perhaps. Needless to say that I had several concurrent and "sneaky" Whatsapp threads going on at the same time. Had to "sneakily" place the cake order and send them over to my place first too lol.

I hope everyone enjoyed themselves that day. :) I know everyone thought the cake and cupcakes were super cute haha. Here are some pics....

End of My Tether (almost?)

Arrows flying.
Fingers pointing.
"Spannas" being thrown.
Last min unreasonable requests.

This is a losing game. An absolute loss.
I can't see how at all this will result in a gain for us.

想哭但是哭不出来。

Long Saturday

- Visited gran in the morning
- Went to my parents' place for lunch
- Discovered K's dad was about to be warded at CGH for observation for a medical condition
- Went over to meet K at CGH
- Then Went to do marketing for the family because K's parents didn't get a chance to do it
- Got home, stoned for 45mins then left to go CGH again to visit FIL
- Left to go for a dinner appointment
- Midway through dinner, my own dad called. Gran was being sent to hospital for very low blood pressure
- Finished dinner and went back to CGH again....
- She was stuck in AnE, couldn't do much so we left after hanging around for an hour plus...

我要加油

快要疯了。随时随地，不管是weekday或是weekend, 早上，下午或晚上，都会接到和工作相关的简讯。今天是星期六， 早上830就被简讯吵醒。

Overwhelmed.

Hang in there. 7 more weeks before it all ends.

time flew.......

time flew by this week. i remember thinking at the start of the week "what a long week ahead".
and then now it's already the end of the work week. gosh....including the work I did at home at night and the stuff i'd be doing over the weekend, i think i'll clock 60-62 hours this week.

barely hanging in there for today. feeling slightly stoned and tired already.

ganbatte! ganbatte! ganbatte!
5 more weeks to go before the start of the event and 7 more weeks to go till the end of the event!

The Start of the New Work Year

Pulling in 12-14 hour workdays and settling some work stuff on weekends as well will pretty much be the modus operandi till early March.

I foresee a hole in my pocket due to increased cab fares.

In the meantime, just bite the bullet I say. And I hope I don't get more pimples than I already do. Oh ya, and I hope I don't put on weight from the late dinners!

Pre-Requisites of a Project Manager

1. Control Freak.
2. Micro-Manager.
3. Not Trusting.
4. Highly Assertive.
5. All of the Above.

Holly Jolly Christmas Presents

I received some presents this year that I'd never ever gotten before lol. Some notable ones include...

1. A Rowenta hairdryer. 2000W salon grade. The box had "Elite Model Look" stamped on it lol.
2. A nightie. A purple one with a satin-like finish. I think K liked this too hahaha.
3. A New Balance runner's singlet. Pity it was an M-size. Quite baggy on me but I loved the colour.
4. A mini book about 5cm long, 4cm wide and maybe 2.5cm thick. Many many nice quotes about wisdom within it.
5. A customised notebook/diary cover with my name stitched onto it. This was cool...

Other stuff included:

• Chocolates
• Notebooks
• A tote bag
• A 2013 calendar
• Pens
• A luggage tag. Neon pink with the words "Not Your Bag!"
• Concealer...
• Capitaland vouchers
• Tea from TWG

That's quite a long list! lol....
I still have Ally's present which I've not collected from PQ's place yet....:)

The Year End

At times, I still feel like a teenager. Gawky, awkward, not confident, uncomfortable, on the fringe and left out.

The year end never fails to bring me over to the "emo" end of the spectrum.

Have a Cuppa!

This year, I made open terrariums for Ally and PQ for Xmas. I've never given out "living things" before so this was a first. (Plants ARE living things right?)

Here are some pics for posterity. Forgot to take the pic after I had put some white lace detailing along the rim of the cups. The cups look plain in these pics haha. The pink cup was naturally for Ally. :)

One Day In Office

It was 630pm. I was tired and wanted to go home early. So I packed up and left. Walked past my boss' room on my way out.

Me: 老板, bye *waves goodbye*
Boss: Ooi!! How come leave so early?!?! *pretends to stare at watch*
Boss: Alamak why you leave before me?!?!
Me: *rolls eyes* Excuse me hello! My official working hours are till 6pm leh. Then last night I left at 7-plus almost 8pm leh. Wah Lau.
Boss: *guffaws*  kidding lah alamak...go home lah go home lah. *beams at me*
Me: Hahaha okok bye! You don't stay too late ok. 再见!!

A colleague from another department witnessed this and told me he was amazed I could speak in such a light-hearted and candid manner to my boss. My 62 yr-old old-timer boss who used to have a reputation of being one of the most rude, grumpy and bad-assed boss when he was heading another department. He would call his staff into his office and scream at them when he felt they did something wrong.

That colleague was surprised that I was talking to my boss like as if he was an equal. And that my boss could be so open and fun when talking to me.

Time mellows a person I guess.

Or maybe I am just too lovable. :) Muahahahhaa.

Lapse

I had a great morning, a nice afternoon and a nice dinner with K's family. But things got to me after dinner and the emotional side of me took over.

It was quiet. I was alone. And I found myself crying in the middle of the study room where I was wrapping up a teddy bear I'd bought for Granny for Christmas.

I was thinking of her and then other thoughts came. I guess I was overwhelmed. 

Inadequacies. Frustration. Helplessness. Self-doubt. Realisation. Fear. Weakness.

When you start holding things in, they accumulate after awhile. When they accumulate, they might overflow.

client vs agent

Between client-side and agency-side, I think I'll always choose client-side and I'll advise others to do so as well.

You might learn more on the agency-side but in return you'll get far greater amounts of shit heaped onto you.

I don't have the patience, humbleness and strength to be on the agency-side.

Janus - Boyfriend

I don't usually follow Kpop but I happened to switch to Channel V 2 days ago and they were showing some Kpop videos. This MV popped up and I actually loved the song! Lol. I've been playing this song the whole day today. :)

Enjoy the song.

Janus by the new group Boyfriend.

I hope this is not the start of my conversion to Kpop. *horrors*

P/S: These boys look like they're barely out of their teens. Wonder how old they are...hmm. Maybe I'll google them later.

Open Letter

Come back soon sayang...Miss you.
It's getting colder here in Singapore and it's raining everyday. I want my hugs!! Lol. :)

Strange but Awesome

I've never experienced this before. I was on the bus home after work.

There was a Korean mum with 2 children, a boy and a girl. Both were 7 to 8 years old. I knew they were Korean because they were speaking in their native language. The kids, being kids, were being rowdy and were chatting loudly in Korean.

And then suddenly I heard this:

Girl: Give me.
Boy: No. Dun wan.
Girl: Why you dun want to give me leh?
Boy: Because I dun wan to lor.
Girl: Please? Oma (mum in Korean), he dun wan to give me.
Mum: *says something in Korean*
Boy: *to his sister* Aiyah you are very irritating.

It was downright surreal. The two Korean kids were conversing in fluent Singlish.

If I were looking at them or if they weren't speaking Korean in the beginning, I would have thought they were some local kids. Maybe these two have spent most of their young lives growing up in Singapore. They're probably studying in a local school as well because they spoke English with a Singaporean accent. Lol.

Losing steam

Another rejection from an important potential sponsor. Registrations are slow moving. Losing faith.

Undeniably the toughest project I've ever undertaken. Most of the lows in 2012 were because of it.

2 years in the running. 2 more months to go.

I thought there should be more light when we're nearing the end of the tunnel.

But there seems to be lesser light. Getting dimmer.

This almost looks set to be a loss-making project.

So Sweet!!! - Part Two

I really feel so loved lah!!!

My little cousin who is working in the next building from me just called to see if I was still in the office. She wanted to send me home because she was worried that I'd be caught in the heavy rain!

The warmth and fuzziness just doubled!

Maybe the Xmas spirit of giving and sharing is in the air haha.

So Sweet!!

It's cold, wet and rainy now. The sky is so dark, the clouds are so heavy and ominous and the thunder is downright scary.

Feeling warm and fuzzy inside though. Because of 2 SMS-es.

My mum texted me at 620pm to tell me thst there was very heavy rain and asked me if I had an umbrella with me.

And then my FIL texted me at 625pm to say that there was heavy rain too. And to ask if I needed him to fetch me home from office.

I feel loved. :) :) :)

Little Potty

I've always enjoyed building or making things with my hands. I've not built terrariums for a long time and thought I'd just make a small simple one since I had new leaves on my existing pot of red fittonia.

First time I'm using such a small container. No points for guessing, it's the ubiquitous small spice bottle from IKEA. :)

Energy, wherefore art thou?

I want to do things and get presents settled in time for Xmas. Kah Hui's going on leave next Thursday and I need to finish making her present before that.

The body is weak though. It's 9pm and I've just finished dinner. I have not bathed yet but I'm already lying flat out on the bed feeling exhausted. Eyelids are closing on me.

How ah? :(

Thoughts

Sometimes, the more you think about something or want something, the more it eludes you. It would do good to relax and let things flow naturally, but sometimes, it's easier said than done too. Hmm.

Happy News from the Cuz!

It was like telepathy. She was thinking of me yesterday and I was thinking of her too. I didn't manage to text her yesterday though and decided to MSN her today instead to see how she's doing.

She's pregnant! :) 15 weeks.

Really really happy for her. She went through a rough patch early this year and I'm glad that she's managed to conceive. :)

I'm supposed to help with naming the baby lol, but we have no idea about the baby's gender yet. She's going for a scan next week and hopefully we'll know!

The people in your life

There are some relationships in my life which have almost melted away into oblivion or there's so much dust and cobwebs obscuring them that I've almost forgotten they were there.

I used to think that the other party was at fault for not putting in enough effort to keep the relationship alive and healthy. That might have been selfish thinking. It suddenly occurred to me recently that maybe I did not put in enough effort too.

Maybe I should pick things up again and work harder? Better late than never?

Le Bon Weekend

It was a good weekend. Tiring but fulfilling.

Saturday
- visited my granny as usual
- had lunch with my folks and spent the early part of the afternoon running around with my mum in Tampines running errands
- popped by PQ's place for our weekly visit. Met up with Ally there. Ran around with Kyler and cradled 2-week-old Darius! Baby D happened to burp when he got into my arms lol.
- and then it was back to my parents' place for dinner with them, my brother, my sister-in-law and my nephew.

Sunday
- went to run errands again, this time with K. finally settled all the xmas presents which needed to be bought.
- finished with wrapping all the presents

And now for the rest of Sunday evening where I hope to.....
-finish making at least 2 of the 3 Xmas presents I intend to make/assemble this year
- watch Asia's Next Top model with K
- spend some quality time at home with K before sending him off to the airport....

$3,200 and counting

公司欠了我很多钱。那个Claims Processing Unit 真的process得很慢。圣诞节和农历新年要到了。开销会蛮大的， 真希望他们快点把钱还给我！

Christmas

The Christmas mood hits me later and later the older I get.

But it's still.....

*sings*

The most wonderful time of the year...

I guess the jingles, sales, lights, decorations and mad shopping brings out the joyousness and festivities of the season. 


The only thing is, K will be away for 2 weeks from the 9th till the 22nd. :(

Groping in the Dark

Caught in a strange situation where even my vendor "complained" to me about my staff. Spent half an hour talking to him while I was making my way home from work earlier this evening.

Not quite sure how to handle this hmm.

So now I have overseas people hinting to me that maybe she should not be so hot-headed and speak so freely. I have internal team-mates who have casually mentioned to me that she maybe should keep a rein on her emotions. And now I have a vendor who is giving me feedback that they are trying hard but are somewhat exasperated with her.


She was hired to get the job done for me, not to add onto my burden of dealing with these people-to-people relationships.....

How to manage this?

I'm new to this. Never quite experienced this before.
Groping in the dark somewhat. Trying to learn from all this at the same time.... 

Sticking to Your Values

My boss was not around yesterday and I had shared my intention with his PA yesterday morning that I wanted to take half-day afternoon leave. She shared with me that on other occasions when my boss was not around, my other colleagues would sometimes just disappear without even logging in their leave in the system and advised me to do the same. She said I would be silly if I were to “waste” half a day’s leave and log it in the system when other people didn’t even do so.

I felt uncomfortable doing a disappearing act. And eventually, I still logged in my leave officially through the system.

What would you have done?

Maybe I am straight-laced. Maybe I am silly. Maybe I am stubborn.

But I don’t feel that it is right to disappear from office just like that. Others might have done on severla occassions in the past but that doesn’t mean that I should follow the same, especially when I think it is not right.

At least, my conscience is clear.

Fragility

I was controlling myself and trying not to tear when ET shared with me today about his sister's last days of her battle with cancer, about him quitting his job to be around in Singapore to help care for her, about him massaging her arms to diffuse the swelling caused by water retention, about how he missed saying goodbye to her by just a mere 5-10 minutes, about him breaking down in hospital, about him trying to console his parents thereafter; and about him trying to help his mother cope with her emotions evern to this day, a year on from her passing.

Life is precious. Take time to breathe and enjoy the things around you.

Treasure the ones around you. Appreciate them. Love them. Care for them. Be there for them.

It's not all about work or grabbing the next new gadget that comes out in the market.

Don't get it

And so I heard from ET today that the Chinese spit alot because they believe phelgm and saliva are toxins which need to be purged from the body. (True for the first but not for the latter I think. Saliva helps break down some of your food and also acts as a mild form of antibacterial protection for the mouth and tongue)

He didn't have an answer when I asked why couldn't they spit into a tissue or something, He said it probably easier to hack and then spit out whatever it was in your throat. Rather than hack, take out a tissue and then spit.

And anyway, isn't it odd that when you spit these "toxins" out in the public, you're spreading more germs and bacteria around to others? And in the meantime, you're breathing in the bacteria left behind by other people as well?

Being Anal

I don't profess to be extremely good in English. But I have minimum expectations on how work documents should look like. And I tend to vet or correct grammar, editorial and formatting mistakes in work documents I receive. Yes, including those coming from my boss.

As far as possible, work documents should be properly vetted, formatted and edited. Typographical errors just seem careless and unprofessional. One or two which slipped through the cracks are still okay, but not when the whole document is peppered with them.

I attribute this to my Marketing background, having done lots of proofreading on lots of brochures and copy and other papers throughout my working life.

Mostly, I think I'm just being anal.

Is this considered a type of OCD?

Tht said, I try to be mre relaxd whn I am typng or wrtig out a blg entry.....

Sometimes, doing things on a whim brings you great results

ET was back in Singapore. I was supposed to have met him for dinner today but on a whim, I decided to take half a day's leave and met him for lunch instead. I'm glad I did.

It's rare that we meet up given that 85% of the time he is out of the country. But I defintiely did not expect us to talk for more than 4 hours haha.

We sat at Vivocity's Marche all the while and saw people coming in for lunch, tea and early dinner too...lol. We touched on many things but mainly it was him giving me updates and sharing things with me especially since we didn't have a proper catch-up the last time round in April or May.

1. How and why he wound his company up in China
2. Recruitment in China and the young generation of workers in China
3. The general culture and mindset over in China
4. The culture and mindset in Myanmar
5. His next move in his career
6. My career
7. My life in general
8. His sister's death and how his parents are coping with it
9. His relationship with his wife
10. Common friends
11. How we're a little late in the marriage, family, building a nest phase of life
12. Police in China
13. Some of my travels
14. My current big project
15. Perspectives and priorities in life
16. Some buddhist concepts

I hope he fixes his relationship with his wife soon and I wish him all the very best for his next career endeavour!

That French Chef

I love Raymond Blanc! Watching his programmes always brings a smile to my face. Besides the fact that he's French and a talented chef, he's got a weird laugh, an equally weird sense of humour and a down to earth personality.

Charming. With a capital C. :D

Different People Handle Things Differently

Some internalize their problems. Others voice it out to the whole world.

Some listen and dish out advice. Some listen but ask questions to guide the first person to think and come out with his/her own conclusion.

Some draw their energy from being around people. Others draw energy from within themselves and get tired when there’s too much going on at the same time.

Some recharge by immersing themselves in busy places. Others need to recharge by being alone.

I suppose….well yeah….I can’t and I shouldn’t judge someone just because he or she takes a different approach from me.
==============

For the most part, I internalize things and I tend to need to be alone for some amount of time to recharge. Give me a day’s off and I’d be perfectly fine just sitting at home and pottering around doing my own things or not doing anything much at all.

At this point in time, I feel a little overwhelmed with things. Maybe a day’s leave one of these days would be a good idea…

Today

I am...

1. Happy.....because I managed to speak to a colleague whom I'd not seen nor spoken to over the last few days. She brought me some laughs and I'm grateful for that. Am also happy because I had a nice lunch with a good friend-cum-ex-classmate. He just started dating a girl too which makes me even happier.

2. Pissed and frustrated.....because of a colleague. I feel he's not pulling his weight in the team. It's been like this for quite a long time and I don't know how much longer I can hold it in. I'd spoken to my boss on at least two occasions but I don't see much being changed.

3. Stressed.....alot at work and other things out of work. Just realized I've been partially holding my breath for the entire day till now, 830pm. No wonder my chest feels a little tight.

4. Somewhat tired.....physically tired and still a little sick. Mind is still racing though. Trying to slow it down a little.

5. Grateful.....yes, although I've complained about things here and there, I'm still grateful for all my loved ones and close friends in my life, and for all the good things that have come to me so far.

Upset.

Made another silly mistake at work. Very careless mistake.

To think I tried and tested it out for so many times just to make sure I got things right.

But when the actual and final execution of the task came, I flopped. Tremendously.

Brunei snippets

I was there for only 4 days and 3 nights but it was sufficient to give me a glimpse into life in Brunei.

People
They are a soft-spoken, patient, relaxed, friendly and sincere lot who seem to be genuinely content about life in general. Maybe these all stem from a life of shelter and protection from the Sultan. It was nice talking to them and it's easy to feel so at ease with them. Even people from higher management are easy to talk to. No airs. I cannot really imagine them quarreling with anyone.

Work
Their hours are usually 9am to 5pm. Normal enough. But people usually take a morning break at 10-plus, then leave for lunch at 1130 or so. Then they pick their kids up from school and send them home and then go back to work at 2pm. They have their afternoon tea break at 3-plus and then leave office at 5 or 530pm. All breaks are unofficial but the norm lol. Shiok! I also want!!

Royalty
This is big there. So who's considered royalty? The Sultan and his family. His siblings' families. In-laws and possibly their families. All in all, several hundred perhaps? Out of the entire population of 450,000. Palatial houses and big cars seem to be the status quo for these royalty.

Some of them have special traffic police escorts accompanying them on the road. Apparently when the escort out-riders sound their siren, you as a commoner driver need to shift to the left and allow the royalty and accompanying convoy to pass. I was on their roads for a grand total of only 3-4 hours across the 4 days I was there and I already had the chance to witness royalty pass us by on 3 separate occasions lol.

Drivers
Gracious, polite, friendly and patient is all I can say about Bruneian drivers. They give way to each other, they signal and they wave! So so friendly it's almost like one big family driving together. :)

Currency
For the life of me, i didn't know that Bruneian and Singaporean dollars can be used interchangeably in both countries. Ok I am suaku I know.

Life
Not much entertainment around. No pubs since it is a Muslim state, just some cinemas around. I might be generalising since I was there for only several days but I think that while life there might be slow-paced and boring, people are quite content. Maybe because the State (Sultan) takes care of a lot of things. Petrol is cheap, medical costs are covered and students are given allowances of $300-$400 a month to attend university.

Brunei

It was nice to see Brunei in such evening splendour. This was on our last night there and we had ended early. My 2 colleagues and I decided to explore the area and drove 25mins out to see a high-end beach resort. We were greeted by this sight...lovely sunset. Sometimes, doing things on a spur brings you unexpected lovely results. :)

I don't need this right now

Strongly-worded email from staff again, without my clearance. Tone used was not professional and quite bad. International organisation not happy. Now it's spiralling down.

Beyond me. Tied up with other things and now this has to happen.

WTF.

I feel like hiding in a corner to cry.

ppppssssshhhhaawww

So I guess life is never fair. No matter how much people try to be.

Double standards abound. People have preferences. Judgement and impressions tilt the balance.

And I don't understand why some people can get away with things when it is obvious they are not doing certain things right.

Suck it up.

Breathe

I have this feeling the closer the event gets, the higher my blood pressure will get. It is still 4 months away and things are already getting heated.

Trying to stay calm amidst the politics and bitching, the 2-3 big projects I’m somehow involved in, the other dribs and drabs of work (whether consequential or not) coming in everyday, and my diminishing ability to stay on top of everything. Some things are falling off my plate or hidden under other stuff.

Deep breath.

Cool, Calm, Zen.

Southern Biscuits

Hehe. We've loved the biscuits sold at Texas Chickem ever since we first tasted them. We'd even get them as snacks from time to time and lick every last crumb off our fingers.

And then one day we thought: we should make our own. We checked out the recipes and they turned out really really simple. Much easier than some of the cake or bread recipes out there.

Yesterday, I was still tired from the long flight home. But I managed to haul myself out of bed in the afternoon and made a batch of biscuits with K.

Success! Haha. They turned out great! The texture, look and feel of the biscuits were exactly like those sold at Texas Chicken! Though I think they could have done with a little bit more butter and sugar. :)

We'll be making them for the Xmas family dinner too!

First day back at work

Managed to clear a majority of my emails even while I was in Toronto. So I can't really figure out why I was still swarmed with work today. Bleah! Tomorrow will be a busy workday as well.

Looking forward to a nice simple dinner and then a nice warm shower later. :)

Grilled meat!

Got out of my office building and there was a heavy smell of grilled or barbequed beef in the air. Got into the cab and there was a strong smell of bak kwa and indonesian grilled chicken.

I don't feel hungry though. But am I subconsciously hungry? :)

Toronto

Travelling for work has become much less attractive for me since about a year ago.

Maybe the Africa and India trips back in end 2011 and early 2012 put me off things. Or maybe it's the backlog of work that awaits me back home. Or the juggle between attending the conference sessions, and clearing some work at the same time. Or the thought of being away from K. Or the thought of being away from my granny. Or the particular colleague that I am travelling with. Or the long-haul red-eye flights and the time differences and jetlag. Or the.....you get the drift.

Myriad reasons.

And so I left Singapore for Toronto with a somewhat unwilling heart last Friday night. Aside from some health scares, things were ok on the whole.

Weather
Singapore's weather is erratic. Toronto's is too. It could be sunny in the day and by the time afternoon comes, it turns gloomy and then starts to pour. But it is cold. The weather's cold in general. about 15-17C in the day and anywhere from 4-9C at night. It was drizzling heavily the whole night today and I'm glad to be back in my room, keeping warm and huddled in my bathrobe.

Food
Steaks. They seem to be the staple food here. Steaks and hotdogs. Lotsa beef around lol. Lotsa hotdog stands along the streets. Lotsa fried food too. Big portions though not nearly as big as the portions in the US. I can totally understand why the Caucasians in Canada and North America are much larger in girth. Had some Chinese food as well on two occassions. Rather good quality I must say.

Room Service
This trip marks the first time ever that I ordered room service for myself while on a business trip.

Faces
Met some people whom I'd not seen for a long time. Am amazed that some of them can still recognise me because I'd only spoken to them once before. And these are Caucasians. Maybe it's easier to remember an Asian female face because there really aren't many of them around at the conference. Met other good friends, hung out with mainly the Taiwanese and Hongkongers as usual.

People
Strangely, I didn't see any strikingly good-looking person. They all seemed mundane. I still think the best dressed and best-looking people are the French. :) Hongkongers come close.

Nature
Lovely trees line the streets and now that it's fall, their leaves are turning into lovely shades of yellow, orange and red. This is something we don't see in Singapore and it's such a pity because I think it's a beautiful phenomenon. It just adds a sentimental touch to the air and softens the environment.

Scare
I woke at 5am on the 2nd night I was in Toronto. My heart was pounding, my palms and soles of my feet were sweating, I was a little breathless, slightly light-headed and nauseous too. I was freaking myself out. And this continued for close to 2 hours. K was on the phone with me for more than half an hour to comfort me and calm me down. It may have been an anxiety or panic attack. I don't know. Definitely not due to pregnancy lol. I rested in my room for close to four hours before feeling better and venturing out for the rest of the day's meeting.

Skin
After a few days in cold weather, the skin on my legs and body typically gets itchy due to dryness. Moisturiser was my good friend at night. The last time I slapped on so much lotion was back in 2010 during my Europe trip.

Bath and Both Works
This is a brand that cannot be found in Singapore.I love their products and went ballistic when I found the BBW outlet in Toronto. I bought close to C$100 worth of stuff....that's about S$120 on body lotions, candles, creams, filing sticks, etc. :)

US and Canadian TV
They generally love to talk. And talk. And talk. And it shows on their TV programmes. Trashy talk shows. Business commentaries. Advertisements that don't use much images or music but just people who keep talking. Live court sessions where arguments abound.

Movies
On the journey to Toronto, I watched these movies:

• Twelve Angry Men - FANTASTIC movie, a classic from the 1950s.
• Safe - silly Jason Statham show, violent and at least 80 people died in the movie from shoot-outs or stabbings
• Mirror Mirror
• Your Sister's Sister
• The Artist - great movie

On the journey back to Singapore, I watched:

• To Rome With Love - quirky Woody Allen show which it brought back many memories of Rome, lovely
• Salmon Fishing in the Yemen - I like indie movies, this is a cross between an indie movie and a mass appeal movie. Ewan McGregor and Emily Blunt and british accents are just lovely!
• Memoirs of a Geisha - 3rd time watching....but still nice
• The Graduate - Dustin Hoffman's first movie back in the 1960s, great show.
• What to Expect When You're Expecting
• A Simple Life - HK movie which won Deanie Ip a Best Actress prize. brought me lots of tears because the show reminded me of my granny

Unacceptable

Absolutely unacceptable.


Talking to non-marketing people makes my blood boil.

But there is nothing else I can do about things.

So I’ll just suck it up and move on.

awkward

So embarrassing. Just saw someone I know. A Spanish if I remember correctly. One of those caucasians who will do the kiss-the-air thingy.


Instead of puckering up and giving a kiss in the air, I just slammed my cheek into his…he offered the other cheek and I did the same again…..and gave a clumsy embrace after that.
This is the moment when you say....

……AWWWKKKWWWARD……..



-_- Bleah. After so many years I still forget what’s the right thing to do.

My FIL

Am on leave today and had a long lunch with my FIL at home just now. He was on a roll ad spoke alot.....about various issues covering myriad areas like the economy, society, self, work, the IT sector, etc. It was a long conversation, an hour 15mins, most of the time it was a monologue but I did manage to get some points....

• Singapore is too small an environment. To expand one's horizon, we need to move out and look beyond our shores. If possible, go work in another part of the world, a bigger country. They do things on a bigger scale and we could learn many things from them. Much of what Singapore does is limited in physical size.....
• Basic literacy in numeracy is important. You don't need detailed knowledge on why some financials are in a particular manner but you should know enough to read balance sheets and understand ROI ratios and other basic financial ratios.
• Try to put yourself in a playing field where there are lesser people and where it is easier to increase your own market value.
• Everyone has skills, you just need to find your predominant skill to hone.

Ms Gloxinia

 

This is the pot of Gloxinia Ally gave me!

This was its previous spot, on Ally's office window sill overlooking the Shenton Way, Tanjong Pagar area

I love the little "windmill"!

And here's it's new spot. :)

In my study room, sitting next to some new compnions, 2 pots of red and green fittonias.

Hope it grows well enough!

Live in the Moment

Yup, but within your means.

Went for a jog last night with a tired body. Took a longer route than usual and I also didn't eat anything around 4-5 plus to boost my energy levels.

The result?

A shell with depleted enegry. Flat out. Nauseous. Breathless. Giddy. Couldn't even get up to walk without feeling like the world was whirling around me for more than 30minutes after I reached home.

I think I gave the helper a scare.

Finally managed to clamber up to my room on the 3rd floor when K got home from work. And spent another hour and a half flat on the floor before finally feeling alright enough to take a shower and have some dinner.

Feeling guilty because K had to skip his own run to take care of me and sit wth me on the floor for more than an hour while I stoned.....

Restless

bored, tired, restless and a little melancholic since last night.

couldn't wake this morning and dragged my bum to the office.
maybe i overworked my brain yesterday, was still working at home in the night.

managed to spend some alone time after lunch just now walking around NTUC and Watsons.

made for some distraction, which was good.

definitely looking forward to knock-off time.