je me deteste..qui est-ce moi? je me ne connais pas..

i wish
i think
i pray
i hope
i dream

i laugh
i cry
i smile
i frown

i

what is i?
who is i?
what am i?
who am i?

me

i look at so many things...i wanna do this, i wanna do that..
i dream about this, i dream about that...and at the end of the day...those are all but just thoughts..

i detest the fact that i don't know what i want but seem to want everything at the same time.

i detest the fact that i have no clear focus, of my life and of what i want and of what makes me happy.

i detest the fact that i am so risk averse that i am not willing to try much new things or to take
that extra step to push myself into something else.

i detest the fact that i keep harping on the past and on familiar circumstances cos i feel safer dealing with things i know of.

i detest the fact that i don't seem to know how to love myself.

i detest the fact that i the more i live my life, the more i find i don't know how to live it.

i detest the fact that i keep whining but i don't seem to be doing anything about things..

i detest the fact that i want to change things but have absolutely no idea how to go about getting myself out of this rotting mudhole.

i detest the fact that i immerse myself in my story books cos they provide me with a safe haven to run into, one where there aren't deadlines and issues of life, love, family or $$.

i detest the fact that i am lost but i ain't got a compass nor any directional signs nor any friggin map to bring me back to my path..am i supposed to hack through the underbush to find my special hidden track?

je me deteste...qui est-ce moi? je me ne connais pas.
i detest myself. who am i? i do not know myself.

free fall of tears...i go through this every once in awhile...is this a veritable cause for concern?
i look at others being so sure, so assured, so in control...i look at myself...and then i fall into pieces again..

and pieces it will be that i drag into bed...
for i am tired..i need to rest..

hate this city of busy working bees.
rush, work, rush, more work...doesn't any stop to smell the honey they have made?

oh forgive me. i am agitated. i am frustrated. i am angry. i am sad.