For the past few days that I...........
Was trundling along in the train..
Was walking to work..
Was in the bus..
I was thinking...
It's quite saddening to see myself seeking reprieve in material things...
For how much reprieve can you get, from buying a new pair of shoes or a new bag or a new dress or a new shade of lippie or a new whatever?
Or is this just part of being a woman?
The relief is probably momentary...fleeting moments of happiness...
Only to be replaced by that "something" soon enough again...
That something which spells...emptiness?
No, emptiness is too strong a word to use here..
I love my family, I love my friends, I love ahboy...that's not empty...
What I mean is...that feeling deep inside..that big question mark deep inside that encompasses so many things:
- who am i?
- why am i here?
- what is the purpose of my existence?
- what do i wanna do?
- how do i do it?
- where should i go?
- how do i go there?
- when should i do it?
- how should i do it?
The question mark that encompasses so many things...which at this point in time...are just empty statements of curiosity..empty statements of questioning which when put together...amount to nothing much actually...at least for now...since they don't have accompanying answers...
Paradoxical?? Lemme rephrase it...
Big bag full of question marks.
Just question marks with no meat for answers at the moment.
Which makes them small, simple question marks...
But yet these small question marks carry so much weight and importance to your life...
Which makes them big, simple question marks...
So small yet so big.
So big yet so small.
I think I am confusing myself, if not others...
Hahaa...I am tired...my brain must be in a wobbly state now...to be writing so much oxymorons..
I find it hard to comprehend myself...how can i expect others to understand me?
Or perhaps I am me and that alone makes it hard to see myself...
Perhaps someone standing at a distance from me will see myself more clearly...
Pray tell...what do you see in this being?
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