my tuesday...

Gran was admitted to CGH today..Dad SMS-ed me around 10-plus this morning.

It's been a monthly affair for the past 3-4 months.
This time round, it's wheezing, bad cough, throat infection, lung infection and diarrhoea...
Quote a lot of things to happen at the same time...for someone so old...
Right now..even a 5m walk to the toilet seems a tough journey for her...

Was there to see her just now...Had to control my tears when I was looking at her coughing her guts out...figuratively of course...
But literally, her face turned red...her veins were showing on her face and throat...
She was coughing till she was almost breathless...wheezing, coughing at the same time..

Was almost afraid to leave the hospital..Hope she really does't remain stubborn...Really hope she remembers to call the nurse on night duty if and when she needs to take a leak...

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Had an impromptu dinner with Daniel tonight. After the visit to the hospital...
Chatted for 3 hours...

Guess what? Shouldn't be difficult for you...but well...yeah, was Aunt Agony again..
Hahaa...Good listener that I am...3 different people pouring out their thoughts and situations to you within a week is quite taxing in its own sense...
Felt emotional tonight...Was almost on the edge of tears when I was talking to Dan just now...

He means a lot to me...as a friend of course...Went through things since hostel days...been 8 great years...Hope things pan out well for him..I can't solve his problems...and for tonight..I have to say..I really felt more than helpless...Perhaps it's cos I know both parties involved...

Argh...just hope things turn out okay..
Will be calling him in a few days time again...

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Was on MSN with Tien Phey this afternoon.
I have to say...I was abit harsh on him...Couldn't help it...I was feeling frustrated too..

1 year ago I asked him..."How's things?"
The answer I got was "xianzzz....work sux.."

6 months ago... asked him "How's things?"
He said "Bad. Not good. Terrible. Horrible. xianzzzz......work sux, everything suxxx...I want to leave soon...I am still single...there is no hope..."

3 months ago "How's things?"
"Very bad. I want to leave soon...but not say want to leave then can leave..work suxx...my life suxx...everything is not going well...nothing is going well..."

I rate myself as a pessimistic person..
If I am pessimistic. This person is GOD DAMN PESSIMISTIC. I have not heard a single word of "alright..things are going fine..." from him..since dunno how long ago....
Seems the older he gets...the more pessimistic he gets...
Man, did his pessimism rub off on me during our brief 4 months together last time?? Hope not..

I was harsh to him today. Which I regretted abit later..but I had to make him see my point.
My point is....you complain since a year ago...but you don't seem to be doing much about it?! What is wrong? Find out what is wrong then work out steps to solve it! Moping, spiralling downwards ain't a way to get things moving ahead??

After my stiff outburst. He told me.
"I dun wanna tok abit it. Next time don't ask me how are things going for me. I think you oso frustrated by me."

And how was I supposed to answer that???
Sighzzzz....I am genuinely concerned...and my ears are for you...I care for you and I really want things to go well for you....
But I cannot be there to listen to you moan and groan about the horrible world you live in all the time! Not when it's the same comments and sighs and moans and groans I've heard since last year...
I hate feeling helpless when I cannot do much for other party....especially when the other party refuses to do much to help himself...???

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Tired...have a feeling tomorrow will be a long day...
Especially in terms of work...

Heading to bed....

Signing off,
Emotional, frustrated, worried, stressed...yet strangely in a way, happy shell