Little Baby

CNY celebration in her school today. 

Her class was supposed to put up a number. A CNY song complete with accompanying hand actions. She was sitting with me when her class' turn came and a Chinese teacher plucked her out from my arms and brought her to the front of the large room where all teachers, parents and children were gathered. 

She was clingy today and promptly burst into tears. I had to sit with her in the front of the room. Thankfully some of her other classmates insisted that their parents say with them too so I was not the only adult there. 

Even though I was with her, she still refused to sing, let alone do the hand actions. 

She withdraws in front of strangers. She withdraws even more in front of a small group. And today's group was much larger than usual and noisier as well. She was frightened out of her wits I think. She kept clinging to me, sat on my lap and did not want to budge. 

My dear daughter...I know. Mama hates crowds too and doesn't really like performing in front of one. 

But hey, Mama did eventually participate in a dance performance item in front of the entire school. At the age of 17. It takes time and some effort. Jiayou ok...:) Dada and Mama are behind you all the way! 

Toe-smacking goodness

She just discovered her toes yesterday. :) 

Milky business

I took a massive amount of antibiotics for my dental appointment on 21 Jan last week and was advised to stop breastfeeding the baby for a whole week.

Anyway I had at least 25 packets of milk in the freezer that was enough to feed her for the week. I just resumed feeding her my milk again today, after pumping and dumping for the entire week. 

I calculated how much I pumped and dumped and my jaw dropped. 

I threw away 4 litres of my milk. 

Two things stood out. 

1) I threw that much milk away?! Gosh that's like 4 cartons of milk leh!! Heart pain lor....:( So wasted...mega sayang!! Sigh....

2) Omg you mean I am producing that amount of milk in a single week? 4L in 7 days? Whoa...I never knew because I never thought to measure or do a calculation. Plus this is when I am trying to wean her off and start her on formula milk somemore. Imagine last time when she was fully on my milk, I think I was producing more..possibly up to 5L in a week. Wow...

The Flying K

And so it has started. 

From today, K will be traveling once a week for the next 4 weeks. For 2-3 days each time. 

Praying for safe travels. 

And praying for a cooperative time from the two sisters. 

Peranakan Makan part 2

We were reminiscing this morning, my parents and I.

Of food that my granny used to make. 

Cincalok

Acar

Bee Hoon Titek

Fermented Rice

Her special Sambal

Her own potato chips

Yellow Rice

And the list goes on....

Peranakan Makan

Every year, just before CNY arrives, I would spend either a Saturday or a Sunday morning with my parents, slaving away in their kitchen to make buah keluak for CNY. This tradition has not stopped even though I moved out almost 4 years ago. 

I'm not sure when this started but it has become a given such that we would book the date way in advance. Like in December or November the previous year lol. 

K helped out last year and this year as well. This year, it was because I had to look after Peanut whom we brought over to my parents place as well. She was fussing and I had to tend to her and so K took over some of my cooking duties. :) 

Rudeness

I had someone send me a message through Whatsapp. He asked for my opinion on which design to choose for his corporate brochure as well as for my feedback, if any, on the designs available.  

I gave him my choice and provided him some simple feedback. And thereafter there was zero response from him. 

Like wtf? I took my time to help you evaluate and then there was no response? Not even a thank you? How rude can you be? And no, you are obviously not that busy if you have the time to type out a 300-word FB status. 

Why ask me in the first place if you are not keen or sincere enough to respond?

Simian lines

Suddenly wish that I knew someone with knowledge of palmistry. 

Why?

Because both my daughters are born with their head and heart lines joined together to form a deep single line on their left palms. And that line runs from edge to edge. 

Big coincidence I think. 

Because I know no one who has this, except for an uncle of mine. He happens to have both heart and head lines joined together to form a single line, on both palms. A fortune teller my maternal grandmother went to said that my uncle would have good fortune and luck. 

But if this phenomenon only appears on the left palm? Then what?

A quick search on Google told me that such lines are called Simian lines. They indicate great intensity but also a tendency to rush into things without thinking clearly or thoroughly enough. Folks with these lines apparently do achieve more than others but they also face more obstacles and misfortunes in their journey in life. 

Wish someone could read their palms for me and tell me what my girls will be like next time. 

But then again...que sera sera?

Little Baby's Assignment

And so Little Baby isn't so little anymore. She just received her first piece of "homework" yesterday. 

A white glove that she, together with a parent, is supposed to get creative with. We could colour, paint, embellish or dye the glove. 

I couldn't hold her attention long enough and we ended up just emblazoning the glove with multiple colours from her marker pens. Maybe we can do more tonight. Like stick some paper hearts on it or something. 

P/s: we're supposed to submit the decorated glove back to her teacher on Monday together with a family photo so that she can do a show-n-tell. 

Wahrau, I is noob!! Show what tell what ah??!! And we are supposed to practice with her I think. The instructions given by the teacher weren't very clear. :(

"This ish my mama, this ish my dada, this ish my meimei." Is it??

Pong Tau Hu

It's been a long while since I cooked something Peranakan. 

Well technically, I didn't cook this Pong Tau Hu soup today. But I gave detailed instructions to my helper lol. And popped by the kitchen from time to time to guide her along. What to do? Either one of us has to look after the baby. 

Turned out a little oilier than I wanted (helper has a heavy hand for oil) but the taste is pretty much there. 

What I would like to say

(Long long long post...)

To my 8-year-old self:

Sweetie, it is very rude to tell someone else "Byebye fat pig!". Even if that other person is really on the heavier end of the weighing scale. You have much to learn about respect, diplomacy, good behavior and social etiquette. And, you totally embarrassed your parents when you said that to their friends' kid. Be nice. Treat others the way you would want to be treated. 

To my 12-year-old self:

Stop comparing yourself with others. All girls develop differently and to each their own pace. You are unique and beautiful in your own way. Don't worry about being left on the shelf too, the boys will come next time....trust me.

To my 15-year-old self:

Rock on! Stay cheerful! Continue nurturing and developing those friendships of yours for they will turn out to be some of the best ones you will ever have. 

To my 16-year-old self:

It is okay to have some healthy competition amongst your peers in school. Just don't make it an all-consuming goal to best every single one of them in each test or exam. It burns you out way too quickly. There are still many years ahead of you, both in terms of schooling and then working. 

Pace yourself and learn to take it easy sometimes. Scoring a mark less than that other brainy girl is no biggie, save for the fact that your ego took a slight knock. And so what if you were the only student in the whole school to get an A1 for English Literature or if you were the top O-level student in your school for your cohort? It means little when you go out to work in the future. Really, it doesn't mean a thing. 

To my 17-year-old self:

Like I said. Learn to take it easy. Slow down. Smell the roses. Don't put too much pressure on yourself and don't have such high expectations of yourself. Don't put too many things on your plate either. It really does burn you out. Nobody is asking you to be top-notch at everything from studies to ECA. Your parents aren't even telling you to. Taking the anti-depressant Xanax for 2 weeks is fine. It wouldn't be good at all if you needed to take it for months or years. 

To my 19-year old self:

Enjoy the freedom doll. But bear in mind too that you need to be responsible for your actions. Don't lose focus. Getting the first Ds in your life was a sound wake-up call, right? Enjoy all the hostel activities but erm, do remember that all suppers eventually end up on your waist, thighs and hips. And well, I told you the boys would come. Choose wisely. Years spent and lost with the wrong person by your side would never be regained. 

To my 22-year-old self:

It is okay to not know what you want. It is okay to be lost and unsure of what you want your career to be. Go forth and explore but at the same time, don't shortchange yourself. And, don't be too naive. 

To my 24-year-old self:

Use your youth wisely. It is one of your biggest asset so don't squander it away. Sure, spend your days having fun and enjoying life but also, do spend some time enriching yourself and learning new things. In business and at work, treat others with respect. You'll earn theirs too. 

And, your parents might be a pain in the ass but that is because they've been through life and they sometimes really do know better.

To my 25-year-old self:

Life throws you major curveballs sometimes. You'll have to learn to live with it. Surround yourself with friends who love and support you. They make a difference to how wonderful your life can be. Plus sometimes you need their help to manage those damned curveballs. And, your parents, however callous or overbearing or naggy or argumentative they might be, really just love you to bits. That's just the way they show it. Love them back with equal ferocity, if not more.

To my 27-year-old self:

Everyone changes. Everyone has a different side to them. And everyone makes mistakes. If some of these people happen to be your closest friends, learn to accept their failings and more importantly, learn from their misjudgements. For those who are willing to change, be there for them. It may seem like there is no sanctity in marriage or relationships anymore but for every bad situation you come across, know that there are at least 20 other good ones.

To my 28-year-old self:

Remember again that life throws you curveballs. Sometimes it cuts deep and breaks your heart into a million shards. But that is so that you can heal again and be reborn as a stronger and wiser person. Go easy on the drinks by now. You're not as young as you used to be and your stomach is not as strong as it used to be. 4 small bottles of beer every Friday night for a year and more seems of little significance but trust me, cut down on the drinks and your health and stomach will be thankful later on in life. 

Embrace the opportunities given to you at work. Embrace the travel opportunities as well. Learn and experience things. It helps your mind grow. 

To my 29-year-old self:

Rejuvenation and recalibration sometimes go hand in hand. Be brave and open new doors. Be open and love again. Be courageous. Yes and keep up with the exercise.  Your body will thank you for it.  Feed your brain with new things too so it doesn't stagnate. Work hard, but do take a step back to smell the roses and play a little as well. 

To my 32-year-old self:

Live and let live. Sometimes taking a step back works better for the good of the whole situation. Changes may be for the better. They definitely test your limits and adaptability and they definitely give you an opportunity to learn and grow. 

To my 33-year-old self:

Don't worry. You are doing just fine. Yes, you may feel the need to step up but bear in mind too that motherhood is a learning journey. No one knows what to do immediately when they become a mother. Do take care of yourself too. When you are fine and well, you can then care for your little one in your biggest capacity. Oh, and I bet you didn't know your heart could be filled with so much love, right? 

Toothy affair

Glad I got it done. One off my to-do list.

I went to the dentist this morning. This appointment had been delayed for a good 20months. Mainly because of my pregnancy and Peanut's birth.

Admittedly, since the latest pregnancy, I've not been brushing my teeth regularly at night. So I am really glad that my teeth are ok except for a small chipped portion which was mended with some filling.

The only downside of this dental appointment is that I need to "pump and throw" my milk for a good 5-6 days after the appointment.

Why so?

Because I have to pop 8 antibiotic pills before each of my dental appointments. Today was no exception. And this is an unwelcome inconvenience due to my mild heart issue. Because of the strong presence of antibiotics in my bloodstream these few days, I need to lay off breastfeeding. Hence the "pump and throw" situation. :( I did a simple calculation. I will be throwing away at least 3 to 4 litres of my milk. Zzzzzz.....

Work

New boss = new pet

Hmm...with the change of guard, this shell has fallen out of favour and is now languishing in neutral territory again. Plus the rest have had 5 extra months to showcase themselves to him, during this period that I am away.

Well, at least I am thankful I am not on hostile ground or banished to some low-lying moor.

This time round, there's been so many changes and things happening during my ML. I hope I can keep up and get my engine back into shape when I go back to work in mid-Feb.

Psyching myself up already. It is less than a month to go....

White!

As far back as I can remember, all my life, I've never owned a white pair of pants or jeans or leggings. 

For 2 reasons:

(1) I thought they made my legs look chunky.

(2) I'm one of the clumsiest persons around and get my clothes dirtied easily. 

It is an irony then that I just bought my first pair of white legging pants, at one of my heaviest weights ever (sans baby). 

Heck it. Mother of 2. If I look chunky then I look chunky. 

It's for CNY, to match a kebaya top I bought. 

P/s: sidetrack, yes we are going Peranakan this year. Meaning it as a surprise for my parents. :) Nadya's got a lovely kebaya top and matching sarong. I'm going without the sarong though, can't move properly in it and it will make tending to 2 kids very challenging haha. Even K has got a batik top. :) Although I couldn't find a kebaya that fits Alyssa, I bought a batik hanky for her to use on that day. At least she will be in on the theme as well :) 

P/p/s: Oh yes, the leggings are from Uniqlo. No, they are not paying me to plug their brand. Though I wouldn't mind if they did. Just so happened that I took the pic without realizing their logo was showing....

The Flipped Peanut

Peanut has finally flipped today :) At the age of 3mths and 3 weeks. Well done baby girl! 

And it was such a coincidence that my mother was at my place today and got to witness this milestone first-hand with me. 

3 generations gathered in one room. When the youngest flipped, the older two clapped their hands in joy and excitement! The youngest one was wondering what happened and decided to bury her head in the bed and try to eat the bedsheet....lol. 

work...

I just cleared some work emails. More like sifted through them and saved the neccessary documents.

There was a particular document I read. I am usually the one handling this work item and someone is covering me for it now that I am away from office.

The document was sub-par. Grammar mistakes, numerous formatting mistakes, typo errors, spelling errors....gosh. And it was submitted to my boss for approval. Like wah lau, it's so unedited and obviously not proof-read.

I debated internally. Whether to amend and spruce up the document or not.
A year ago, I would have undoubtedly said yes. Heck, I wouldn't even be hesitating about it like how I am now.

But right now, my mindset has shifted slightly. Maybe I should just f*ck care. If the immediate boss is seemingly blind to such effort on my part, then why should I stupidly spend time and effort cleaning up the document when it should have already been done by someone else?? I was always doing this for others in the last few years. Maybe it is time I stop molly-coddling them or spoon-feeding them. They have taken me for granted already. "Oh anyway Michelle will edit and proof-read my document so I can just anyhow type now."

And so, I came to the conclusion. I shall not do anything to the document. Especially not while I am on leave.

Principles? Work ethics? Ah f*ck them.
Now that my old boss has left, I am the only grammar and formatting nazi left in the team. Not to my advantage to continue what I have done for the last few years. 

Playtime - Bonding time

I brought Peanut to the park yesterday evening.

Sitting at the playground there, I noticed one thing. There was a disproportionately large number of foreign domestic workers (predominantly Filipinas) who had brought their charges to the playground, compared to parents or grandparents bringing their children or grandchildren for some fun.

I am not sure if this is generally the trend and that I would see the same thing happening at another playground located within an HDB setting.

Or is this just due to the demographics of the area I am living in, where families rely more on domestic helpers than elsewhere.

Whichever it is, I feel a little sad that kids are unable to have fun at the playground with their own parents...sigh.

Mini celebrity?

The blatant stares, the whispers, the sidelong glances, the wide-mouthed gapes, the sneaky furtive looks.

And also the open smiles, the cooing, the mini waves, the cheerful laughter.

I get all these and more whenever I bring Peanut out. Whether it is a walk to the park, at the park, or in a shopping mall, I get all these. 

All because of her hair. :)

Some would talk behind me "Wow look at that baby!" Or "你看你看！她的头发很多leh!" Or "OMG she has so much hair!" Or "Wah, ee eh tao mor jin juay!!"

Some would come up to me and comment on her hair. 

Some would just stare at her like she's some weirdo.

But most would just look at her and smile when they notice I have noticed them.

Lol...my little one, you connect much better with people compared to your elder sister. But even when you are not intentionally looking at others, they are also naturally drawn to you. The people magnet that you are.

Stay cheery and sociable! 

My sleeping beauty

Nothing's more satisfying than having your child fall asleep in your arms so comfortably. It shows that she trusts you too. 

Sleep well my baby...

Long night

Little Baby kept me awake most of the night yesterday. Erm or should I say, for most of the early hours this morning.

She woke at 1am after having slept at 9pm the previous night. She wanted milk. Usually after having milk, she would roll over and fall back to sleep quite immediately. This time round she tossed and turned and whimpered. I tried to pat her to sleep and hummed the usual lullabies I sang for her. It took me a long time to get her back into lala-land. 

She woke again at 2:40am. Barely an hour after I last put her to sleep. Oh come on, another long night? I thought to myself. 

I coaxed and carried, patted and rocked her back to sleep, to no avail. She whined and whimpered and fussed. She complained of pain and discomfort. She told me she wanted to poo and even made grunting sounds while exerting and trying to poo. I told her that it was okay and that she need not force it. She could still poo in the morning. 

She seemed to agree and calmed down. She flipped over away from me. Suddenly she tilted her head, made gagging sounds and before I knew it, she vomitted. Big time. I literally saw her spewing out a torrent of erm...stuff. She "merlioned", in Singlish speak. Two big liquid projectiles. 

I called K for help. When I switched on her room light, the poor girl had half her face covered in vomit. Half of her hair was slicked in slime and vomit as well. Her pillow was wet and hidden under a layer of semi and undigested rice, vegetables, milk and papaya. I thought I saw some fishcake too. Parts of the bed frame, mattress and floor were dirtied as well. 

Not a pretty sight. The smell was rather funky too.

I whisked her off for a bath. K and the helper cleaned up her room. 

By the time I brought her back to the room it was almost 4am. My job was still not done, I still had to put her to bed again. Which was not easy considering she just had a shower that pretty much perked her up and woke her from her slumber. 

I am unsure what time it was when she finally fell asleep. 

But she soon woke again at 630am. Sigh...

Anyway...I just hope she's fine and that her vomitting was only due to indigestion and over-eating.. 

Hehe...Hair-Hair

So this is what you do when you have some time...and when your baby girl has so much hair...:)

Buy Buy, Bye Bye

I've been on a roll these 3 months that's I've been at home. On a roll at qoo10 that is.

I think I've easily spent a high three-figure sum getting stuff from them. 

Erm....stuff including clothes (and more clothes) for Nadya, Alyssa and myself, breastmilk storage bags, children's stickers for Nadya, handphone pouch for K, umbrella to replace 2 which have spoilt, googly eyes for art and craft, special angpow packets, customized Xmas gifts for friends, gift tags, piggy bank for Nadya, bag, storage shelf for the house, etc...

Buy Buy

And then...

Bye Bye $$.....

Les Papillions

Butterflies. :)

Made these for Nadya. A surprise for her when she gets home this evening. These require some cutting so I'm not sure if I can make these with her. Maybe I should explore a non-cut version so it's easier for her to make. 

Bits and pieces

Parenthood is also a journey of self-discovery, growth and learning. I hope I develop into a better person because of my two girls. 

==========

There are those who feel they are always right and unconsciously impose their ideals and expectations on others. I have not found a way to manage them. Maybe patience and to a certain extent, avoidance? 

==========

CNY is approaching. Another time of the year when I feel happy meeting up with friends and relatives but when my pockets scream for mercy. 

==========

My granny pops up from time to time in my head. Christmas was a time when I thought about her a lot. My last gift to her when she was still somewhat lucid and before she passed, was a beige coloured teddy bear. She was sitting in a swivel armchair at Adrian's house and was gently opening the gift. She was amused at the teddy bear but it grew to be her good friend and companion while she spent her last days in the nursing home. 

Now that CNY is coming, I'm thinking about her again. I miss the times when we would make potato crisps, buah keluak and achar together for CNY. 

Tears

Eons ago when I was in my teenage years, I often found myself crying at night. I could not fathom why and thought there was something wrong with me. The days were ok, I had friends and we did things or I had school to occupy me. But sometimes at night I felt an overwhelming sense of sadness and I just let the tears flow. I did feel better after crying though I could not understand. When I was older and looked back, I attributed it to teenage angst.

I remember when I was 17, I sat on the floor of my mother's kitchen and bawled my eyes out on New Year's Eve. The lights were on and I think my grandmother was asleep in her room. 

Many years ago when I was hurt deeply, I found myself sitting on the steps of Harbourfront MRT, at the exit near Vivocity's taxi stand. Although it was a weekend, that exit was hardly used and I did manage to find some solitude amidst the weekend buzz. Sarah McLachlan's "Angel" was playing on my then IPod Nano on repeat. I sat there for at least 15 repeats of the song. I don't remember how long that was. I was hurt, extremely upset, angry and lost. I don't remember too how much tears I shed during that period. 

The last time I felt hurt several months ago, I cried myself to sleep. I felt wronged, upset, tired and frustrated. 

Yes, I am a crybaby. I've always been. I don't care what others say. There is no right or wrong way. Each person has his or her own way of coping with things. This is mine. 

Maybe I need a long good cry now. 

Reminder to Self

I shouldn't stifle or restrict Little Baby's thinking and creativity.

We have been playing with a sticker book over the last few nights. It has an animal/zoo/safari theme and there are animal stickers that you can paste onto the zoo and safari background themes provided on several pages.

She chose a zebra sticker one night and stuck it upside down on one of the pathways on the safari theme page. I intervened and told her the zebra was not pasted correctly and should have been pasted upright on its legs instead. She said no and that it was walking on its head. And then I thought why not?

Another night she picked a sticker of a flower pot and stuck it on one of the pathways of the zoo. She did it haphazardly and the flowers ended up not being sequence with the existing flower pots on the given theme. The OCD in me was screaming "That is so wrong! Pls rearrange the flower sticker!" Took me some resolve to stop my itchy fingers from trying to rearrange her sticker so that it would be nearly aligned with the rest of the flowers in the theme. 

There are other instances where I found myself intervening and trying to correct her supposedly "out of the norm" choices. At times, I only realise I am limiting her when I've already done the deed. These days I am getting better and learning to let loose more. I am also getting better at stopping myself from "correcting" her creative choices.

Because whoever said a sun can't be coloured blue? 

I dun wan!!

Supposed to start work on 15 Feb. 

Totally not looking forward to it. For the following reasons:

1. I'll miss Peanut. ALOT.

2. I'll miss lounging around in singlet and shorts for the entire day.

3. I need to finish up a long-drawn project. 

4. I don't like the long journey to and from office. (I live in the east and work in Pasir Panjang)

5. I'm not sure how I can continue pumping and expressing milk while working. Nor can I walk around with swollen boobs either. 

6. I have not much work clothes that I can still fit into. Wish I could wear casuals to work every day. 

7. I know that there are a ton of hard copy things and other items piled up in my desk. Clearing them would be zzzz....

8. I know also that I have some HR administrative issues to settle with them with regard to my long absence.

9. I don't like having to rush in the mornings. Now we not only have to get Little Baby ready for school, we have to get Peanut ready too. And that is before we can get ourselves ready. 

10. I have to start the routine rush home from work again. 

Proud (and amused) Mama

Milestone! 

At 3.5 months. 

Peanut laughed out loud for the first time today! For a good minute or so while I tried my best to entertain her hahaha. Glad I managed to catch it on video :) 

Little Baby

There are those who say she looks like me. Sometimes I see it, sometimes I don't. As for this photo....yeah, maybe she's my mini-me from certain angles...:) 

Pic for Posterity

Chubby mummy :) 

Went out for a quick lunch with Kelvin Han, Lili and Han Chuan on Monday at Prego. My ex-colleagues from IDA. 

Reflections

It's 3rd Jan already. I haven't had much chance to reflect on what 2015 was for me, much less plan for what I would like 2016 to be. 

2015 was several things all at once. Challenges, tantrums, love, restlessness, laughter, family.

I can't say it went jolly well throughout the whole year, nor can I say that the highs trumped the lows. Perhaps 2015 was a year of equal highs and lows. Looking forward to a better 2016.

(But hor...it's the year of the Monkey. I 犯太岁! Zzzz....Fingers crossed!!)

CHALLENGES

Work. A long-drawn project 3 years in the making. Damn, it's 2016 already. Make that 4 years in the making. If I don't lead this project to its finishing point by this FY, I'll much definitely be roast meat. FML. Also, pesky colleagues picking on your nerves. 

On the homefront. Being pregnant and having to look after a sticky, whiny, "tantrummy" toddler stretched my patience to the limits. I cried many a time. 

Hired a helper. Which ironically, lessened my physical toll of having to do chores but totally upped my mental toll because I had added responsibilities of erm....being responsible for someone else, making sure she understood her role and the parameters she could work within, and well....managing her and her tasks.

Pregnancy. I put on more weight and was also more tired, especially from the 6th month onwards. 

TANTRUMS

Enough said. Crying, fussing, kicking, flailing, whining, screaming, shouting, shrieking, struggling. Heaving chest, flared nostrils and angry big puffy eyes. Coupled with spittle, snot, tears, and more saliva. Doesn't help that I am Little Baby's go-to person when she is seeking comfort, even if I was ironically the one who caused her meltdown. Absolutely tiring carrying an 11-12kg little person. Even more so when you were carrying another one within you. 

LOVE

Need I say more? 2015 was a year when I discovered I had more love to give than what I thought I already had. Peanut carved out another huge chunk of space in my heart. She didn't need much effort. :) Maybe it was because I was more successful at breastfeeding this time round. Maybe it was because I was more experienced. Whatever it was, I developed a bond with her much faster than I did with Little Baby last time. 

Little Baby frustrates me to no end sometimes. But I still love her to bits. 

K? While I might not have professed much to him openly, yes he has a big space in my heart too of course. Heh.

RESTLESSNESS 

Not quite sure if tiredness had a part to play in this but yes restlessness featured in my life from time to time. More so in the last quarter of the year. Perhaps it was monotony and unresolved issues at work. Perhaps it was the perpetual clutter at home. Perhaps it was too much of looking after the kids. Perhaps it was a lack of social life. Perhaps it was my inner  self wanting something more extraordinary to happen. 

LAUGHTER

I had much laughter in my life in 2015 and I am thankful. Friends at work made workdays bearable. Laughter and hearty chats during lunch hours gave me some strength and added some zest to my life. 

Little Baby cheered me up with her silly antics and spontaneous dances. These days Peanut makes me laugh too with her toothless grins and gurgles. 

FAMILY

I love my family. They are always there for me and I am grateful and thankful for that. I look forward to the weekly Saturday dinners at my parents' place. 2015 was no exception and I was especially grateful for the help my mum gave when Peanut arrived or when K went on overseas trips. 血浓于水。:)

说不出

说不出的累

说不出的无奈

说不出的烦

说不出的纳闷

说不出的心思

The Father

Dad has been looking haggard of late. Well, at least the last 3weeks or so. His eyes seem more sunken. His eyebags are more prominent. His dark eye circles are even darker than usual. And his eyes seem a little lackluster. 

But his spirit's still the same. Old man with a cheery and cheeky disposition, loud voice and hearty laughter. 

I hope he is okay. I've brought this to the attention of both my mum and brother. Another 2 pair of eyes to monitor my observations of him. 

73 years old, 74 next year. 

Stay strong Dad...I love you. 

Bah

A cough can be persistent. And I hate it when I get one of those. 

This ticklish cough has been around for 10 or 11 days already. Lurking around and refusing to buzz off even after a round of antibiotics.

Made a second trip to the doctor's today. Now I need to take 2 types of cough mixture simultaneously. 

Mission: 

Eradicate. Annihilate. This irritating cough. 

Ganbatte!

*cough* *splutter* 

If

If I were granted a Christmas wish this year, I'd be greedy and wish for two wishes to be given. 

My first wish would be for everyone dear to me (and myself) to remain healthy, happy and blessed always and to have everything good going for them. This just about covers everything from K having a smooth career to my parents having a clean bill of health, to my dear friends having everything going smoothly for them in all aspects, to my two little girls having good health and good learning experiences, to other dear friends finding peace within themselves, etc....

And my second wish would be for D & YL to receive what they have wished for wholeheartedly over the last 6 years - a baby of their own. May they also receive good news of their wait in the queue for IVF treatment. And may their IVF treatment be a successful one. I know how much both of them want this and I really do hope they receive good news soon enough. May God bless them in this journey of theirs. IVF treatment is not an easy thing to undergo....

Converse Shoes!!

I've been wanting a pair of Converse sneakers since time immemorial...ok abit of an exaggeration...since several years back. Even before Nadya came along I think. 

I don't remember why but somehow I have never gotten to doing it. 

I remember standing in a Converse retail store in 2013 thinking to myself "should I get it now?". I didn't in the end because I was pregnant with Nadya and it didn't make sense at that time to buy something I wouldn't wear during pregnancy. 

K fulfilled that wish for me today. So sweet. :)

(Thank you Sayang!)

He was running some of his own errands and included a trip to the Converse store in his to-do list. He also got a pair for himself and a tiny pair for Nadya. It is our 全家装of sorts haha. A footwear version. 

Nadya was excited about it for awhile. She was trying to tie her shoelaces for a good 10minutes plus. :) 

A Mother's Life

It's 930pm.

Alyssa is asleep.

Nadya is asleep.

The helper is asleep.

K is also asleep.

And here I am, about to take my shower. Then I need to express milk before I hit the sack.

Life of a mother?

First to wake, last to sleep...

Jiayou!!!

累了，病了

就知道会有这个情形出现。每天熬夜不够睡，再加上Nadya的runny nose 和cough, 我也中标倒了。

Self-medicate 了几天但似乎没什么进步。今早就去看了医生，讨了几种药回家。他还给了我antibiotics…

希望病能够快一点好。我怕会传给Alyssa…

Mother's Guilt

Nadya's stickiness to me and her crankiness is preventing me from spending more time with Alyssa, which I would really like to do actually. 

I hope Alyssa knows that I am her mother...

Sigh

Nadya

It was between the hours of 4am and 5am this morning. 

I found myself sobbing, and sitting on the floor of Nadya's room. 

She had woken at 4am, drunk milk, insisted on me carrying her and then refused to get back to sleep. And she was in one of her crankier moments. Cantankerous, obnoxious, fussy, demanding, unreasonable. 

She has been this way since the previous weekend. Probably a consequence of her not feeling well with a runny nose and a slight cough. Possibly also due to other reasons which we cannot confirm i.e. jealousy due to Alyssa's presence. 

She has also been waking up numerous times each night. It is taking a toll on me, physically, mentally and emotionally. Sleep deprivation sucks big time. It fucks the mind up too.

She has also been extremely sticky to me. Only I can feed her and put her to bed and do certain things with her. Even during playtime with my parents on Saturday at their place, she insisted that I be around near her. She went ballistic during a car ride because I'd chosen to sit in the front passenger seat with Alyssa. (I had to nurse the baby). 

She also wants to follow me everywhere. It is an "honor" I could sometimes do without though. I do not need a pair of saucer eyes staring at me while I take a dump or a piss in the toilet. 

I felt cornered this morning, sitting in her room with her door closed and curtains drawn. Backed up into a tight space with nowhere else to turn. There is no flight option when it comes to parenting. You can only stay and fight on. 

I was very frustrated at that point in time. Still am actually. Tired and frazzled as well. Hence the tears. While I cried, she continued sitting on her bed, whining and fussing away. I tried to keep a check on myself and only allowed myself a few short minutes of tears before tackling her again. 

She had insisted on me carrying her and going out to the living room or my own room. It lasted an hour before she finally settled down but still not in her bed. On the mattress below her bed (which we place there to catch her in case she rolls off the bed). And I had to sleep with her there.

Woke later on with aches and pains and a sore arm. She had used it as a pillow and her head is rather big. 

Taking care of a toddler is far more challenging than taking care of a baby...

I pray for strength, patience, tolerance and more love. 

Having 2 Kids Means....

1. An even messier house

2. Even crazier nights

3. Even shorter sleeping hours, if any (see 2)

4. A lot more love 

5. A lot more worries (on my part that is, not sure about K)

6. More bulk when heading out (think: extra diapers, clothes, milk, snacks, toys, stroller, etc)

7. More adventures when outside (think: a bawling baby and a screaming toddler)

8. An even fuzzier and blur mind from the lack of rest (see 2 & 3 above) 

9. You don't care if you have shaved or not and step out of the house praying your fur is really just invisible tufts transparent to the naked eye. (See 3)

10. Sometimes you don't have any idea what you are doing but you just do it anyway. Things can't be that bad right?

Achievement unlocked

A day shy of 26 months old.

Nadya pooed in her potty! 

Pic for posterity haha. 

Rivulets

Sometimes

You can't control it 

The rivers spring up 

And form their own meandering paths

Big sister, little sister

I've never had that much "mood swings" as I do now. 

Happy a moment, frustrated the next. Tired and grouchy one moment, roaring with laughter the next. 

Ah yes. Welcome to the world of 2 kids. 

Whatever it is. 

I feel blessed. Really. 

Freaky is when.....

Your 25 month-old wakes in the middle of the night and you are trying to put her back to sleep. She dozes off after a long while and then she suddenly wakes again and says with a whimper....

"Mama! Ah. Ah. Who beat me? Who beat my hand?"

"Nobody beat your hand sayang. Lie down and go back to sleep. Close your eyes."

"Mama! Somebody beat my hand...somebody!"

In my sleep-fuddled mind, I have to admit, I was a little spooked.

Conversations with a 25 month-old

A couple of mornings ago, I found a strange looking piece of something on Nadya's bed. It was somewhat round and a deep brown colour, almost black.

Me: Ew, what is this??
N: This is my pi sai. *nods sagely*
Me: -_-''

She knows pi sai means nose wax in Hokkien. I wonder where she picked it up from. Could me us, could be my inlaws or could be from school...

Mildly amused that she knows some Hokkien words like "chau chau" (smelly smelly) and "pi sai" (nose wax).

Tuesday night

Last night went alright. Not the most ideal but a great improvement from Monday night.

Each of the two girls woke only once, at around the same time of 230am/300am.

Nadya as usual came into my room. Hugging her blanket in one hand and rubbing her eyes with the other. It was 240am and I was expressing milk. Instead of going back to my room to wait for me, she chose to lie down on my pillow on the floor next to me while I finished up.

I hummed her favourite "This Old Man" song to her while the milk pump buzzed away. Not the most peaceful heartwarming scene but oh well, the best I could do given the circumstances haha.

Monday night madness

If Sunday night was a trying one then Monday night was madness.

Nadya slept at 915pm.
Alyssa slept at 1030pm.
I slept at 1130pm.

Alyssa woke at 12am, 2am, 4am and 5am.
Nadya woke at 130am and 530am. And each time she woke she came into my room to find me.

I think I only slept maybe 3 hours?
Broken into bits of 30mins, 30mins, 1.5hrs and a final 30mins.

After my inlaws came to pick Nadya up for school on Tuesday morning, I crashed into bed and got some sleep for another 1.5hrs before the grasscutter downstairs woke me up. Needless to say, I had a dull ache in the head for most of the day....and was somewhat grouchy for the first half of the day. 

Side snippet: 
When I asked Nadya on Tuesday morning why she kept coming into my room the night before, she replied "I want Mama."
Endearing and exasperating at the same time.

Fiak

Trying day. Even more trying night, 

I must have said "fuck" a million times over in my heart. 

I struggled with Alyssa for close to 3hours. She just WOULD NOT sleep. Carried, rocked, swung and swayed to no avail. She would doze off in my arms and stay that way when I put her down in her cot. Only to wake after 2 or 3 mins. It was really eating into my patience. 

And then the heavy rain came. It woke Nadya up and frightened her. She wanted me. I had to abandon Alyssa to the helper and console Nadya instead. 

Going by the sound of the rain and the thunder accompanying it, I'd probably need to bunk in Nadya's room tonight. 

It's 1am now. 

Did not manage to nap much today.

I am tired. Very tired. 

Times like these

5am. 

Sitting in a corner of the room expressing milk. 

Just came out of the baby's room after carrying and swaying and rocking and patting her for an hour.

She'd taken just half of her milk, refused the rest and then refused to go back to sleep as well. 

It is at times like these...with an exhausted body and a sleep-deprived brain....That my nostrils start flaring, my pupils get dilated. And I start chanting "f*ck this shit, f*ck this shit, f*ck this shit" 

It is at times like these that I feel even more so that motherhood is actually a rather lonely journey and you go at it alone for a portion of the time. 

It is at times like these that I wonder how other mothers cope with 3 or 4 or even 5 kids. Popular blogger mum of motherinc.org is carrying her 5th child now, after swearing off them when she had her 4th one. And she's younger than me. 

It is at times like these when I feel the desperate need to just hole myself up in my corner and not give a f*ck about anything. Heck the (again) growing pile of junk. Heck the grocery list. Heck the menu list. Heck all the Xmas presents list. Heck the dust balls that the helper missed out on. 

Dear Lord, grant me patience, some determination, some perseverance and... lots of love. 

Oh pfffttt. The elder one just woke. Pffffttt. 

Milk

This is a post touching on boobs and mother's milk. Read on if you will and scuttle away if it makes you uncomfortable. :)

============

Just spent 1.5hrs trying to unclog an engorged boob. FML. I've had other situations of engorgement but nothing that could not be solved by pumping more intensely during a long session. 

Today was to be the day. Right boob still felt full in the morning even after pumping. I brushed the matter aside and didn't think about it till lunch time when another pump session was due. Bad move. 

By lunch, I actually felt pain in the right boob. I thought to myself "ji bai xiao liao" or "这次xiao liao" or "this time xiao Liao". 

Spent 1-230pm, with a warm shower in between, trying to relieve and in-engorge that boob. Pumped, massaged vigorously (maybe more like manhandled myself), pumped again, massaged again, you get the drift. 

After all that I still felt full and hard in that boob. And I decided to express the milk manually. Which explains why the fingers on my right hand are trembling slightly. Too much manual squeezing to drain off all the milk. Results in aching fingers.

It was quite uncomfortable. My face was in a perpetual frown in that 1.5hours I think. But eventually, the manual expressing did the trick. I finally felt more comfortable and not engorged anymore. Though now I felt soreness from the manual self-expression of milk. 

I never thought I'd really use it but I always keep a head of cabbage in the fridge. It came in handy today. A cold cabbage leaf (straight from the fridge mind you) plopped onto each boob for about 10-15mins. Helped relieve the engorgement further and provided some relief. 

It has been an interesting journey so far, this breastfeeding adventure. Glad I'm still at it and I hope to be able to continue and keep up with it till Peanut is 6montjs. 

Xmas tree

The tree is up. Our very first Xmas tree. The first Xmas tree that I've ever had too. 

Me heart the Xmas festive season. 

Little Baby

Sometimes I feel as if Little Baby is not 2 but maybe 4 years old. The things she does and says. Shows a fair bit of empathy. She's got a caring nature and rather good observation skills too. And I'm glad she is able to express herself and communicate her thoughts and needs to us. 

She's turning out to be a lovely little girl. When she's not throwing a tantrum that is haha. 

"Mama, I brush your hair also. Stroke your hair."

"Meimei don't cry. Give you this. (A toy) Yes? Don't cry. Ok? Kiss you."

"Mama you finished pumping already? I want go walk walk." 

"Mama today you wear this Tshirt? Not the other one?"

"I want milk please. Now. Not later."

"Mama why you put this here? (Some Xmas decorations on the wall) Why you put?"

"I hug this (blanket). No need pillow. No need bolster."

"I hold diaper for Meimei. Help Mama."

There will come a time when we need to work on her diction and grammar lol....

Conversation with a 25-month old

This morning, we were getting Little Baby ready for school. She came to my room thereafter and I noticed that K was somehow not in our room anymore. The toilet door was closed so I thought he was in there. 

Me: Nadya, can you check if Dada is in the toilet?

N: *bends down to see if she can spot him through the door gap"

She didn't see anything and proceeded to ask loudly....

N: "Dada! Are you in the toilet bowl?!"

Packing

The time has come again. 

To clear up and keep Little Baby's old clothes, namely those that are worn and those that she has outgrown. She has tons of clothes. Gosh. Gifts from friends and relatives and her grandparents and also ourselves. Consumerism. 

Glad that most can be handed down to Peanut though. But in the meantime, off to the ziploc bags and boxes they go. 

The Fussy Peanut

It's 12:50am. 

I'm seated in bed. Finally. Feels good to have a warm shower after being grimy and sticky.

It was a tough night with Peanut. After sleeping the whole day, she was rather cranky and awake at night. My bad, I didn't manage to keep her awake during the day and paid for it dearly in the night. 

From 6pm when she woke for her milk, she went on strong till 12:15am when I finally managed to put her to bed. Between my helper and I, we probably each put in 3 or 4 hours of carrying and looking after her. She was pretty cranky too with intense bouts of crying. 

Now, lying in bed, I realise that my lower back is aching and the bunion on my right foot is throbbing, perhaps from pacing around barefoot in the house too much. 

Though I am tired physically, mentally I am pretty awake. Not sure if it is because of the chicken essence I had earlier in the day. 

Anyway, time flies and she's already 7weeks old. 

Which means my ML is slowly being used up already. :(((((

Conversations with a 25-month old

I was bent over and rinsing my mouth at the sink. She, ever lurking behind me, was wondering what I was doing. 

N: Mama!!

Me: Yes?

N: Why are you eating the water? 

==========

I opened her wardrobe and she saw her school uniform. 

N: Mama! Uniform. Wear.

Me: No darling. It's time for bed. You can wear your uniform next Monday when you go to school. Anyway, you're already dressed in pyjamas. 

N: Noooo.

N: I am wearing clothes, not pyjamas. Clothes and pants. 

==========

She watches me breastfeed the baby sometimes. And she understands the concept of "drinking milk from Mama's boo-boo". Boo-boo is her word for breast. One night before bed...

Me: It's time for bed. Do you want milk?

N: Yes.

Me: Ok, you lie here and wait for Mama. I'll go make your milk.

N: I want to drink milk from Dada's boo-boo.

Me: @_@"

Xmas

Christmas is coming, the goose is getting fat. :) 

感恩

This morning, the younger sister bestowed upon me several toothless gummy smiles. 

This evening, the older sister scampered over, hugged my leg and proclaimed "Love you Mama!".

Living for moments like these. :) 

For they melt away any tiredness, frustration and negativities....

Weighty issues

For a long time, I wasn't able to weigh myself at home because my digital scale had become spoilt. When I was pregnant, I only relied on my monthly checkups to determine how heavy I was.

At the last weigh-in before I delivered , I believe I was somewhere around 63kg. 

I finally got myself a scale today. I did not like the numbers that showed up when I stepped on it though. It read 56.2kg. 

After delivery, after all the lochia and the water and the baby was out, I only lost half, or 7kg, of the weight that I'd put on. 

Bah! I still have 7 more kg to lose....

Sigh...

When the toddler falls sick

Little Baby is unwell. She's got a cough and it has been a trying week with her throwing tantrums every morning before she goes to school and every evening when she gets back from the inlaws' place. 

Tantrum triggers included:

- me changing into a different pair of shorts 

- me bringing the wrong water bottle to her

- closing her room door

- switching off her room light

- she taking off one cardigan sleeve (she wanted to wear the cardigan so I don't know why she took off one sleeve and then had a meltdown because of that)

- refusal to take her medication

- seeing her grandparents leave our place 

- wanting a particular story book and then deciding she didn't like it after all

- me taking the wrong straw for her to drink from a cup

And the list goes on...

Sigh.

I hope she gets well very soon. So that she snaps out of her crankiness and so that nothing spreads to the baby. And also so that we get less frazzled by her. 

Post-partum

One main word to describe me now: Pudgy.

Other adjectives: 

- Tired

- Edgy

- Pea-brained

Ironman

She held up the mask to her face and said "Ironman". I'm wondering if this means a shift of her liking princesses to superheroes instead. Either way I'm cool so long as she likes it. :) 

Friday

And....*drumroll*.....I've got gastritis and a slight cough and a throat that is starting to get sore. 

Went to the doc this morning and got myself some medication to curb them. Glad I managed to get some things done during that 1.5hrs out of the house. 

- Called the school to check on Nadya's behavior (she's been having OTT tantrums the last few days). 

- Searched for a plumber online (toilet bowl seems a little choked). 

- Communicated with my parents (I make it a point to touch base with them everyday or once every two days). 

- Withdrew some cash (after not being out of the house for so many days, I'm running low on cash)

- Bought some stuff from NTUC (stuff that can't be gotten online)

- Dabao-ed lunch for myself and the helper (eating outside food is a welcome change once in awhile)

Relatively fruitful 1.5hrs. 

En route home. For some bonding with Peanut. :) 

Stomach's still queasy though. 

4 hours

That is the average total number of hours I am clocking each night I think.

Not in a single continuous stretch but in intermittent durations ranging anywhere from 30mins to 3hours. 

I am feeling a little under the weather today. Groggy and just generally not in my best. Maybe the lack of sleep is starting to take its toll. 

Chicken essence is my best friend now for giving me energy boosts. No, I don't take coffee for it makes my heart palpitate.

Breathe Michelle, and jiayou....

Breastfeeding

This breastfeeding journey had a slow start and I am glad that things have somehow found their way to a somewhat steady state. 

While I endeavor to try my best and am committed to the effort, I am also mindful not to place too much unnecessary pressure on myself. If my supply is not sufficient, I'd just supplement it with formula milk. Some breastmilk is better than none. And unlike how some extreme proponents of breastfeeding extoll, it is not a sin to give formula milk, Afterall, my entire generation practically grew up on it. So long as the baby is growing up well, that's all that matters. I'm glad that with this mindset, I'm currently achieving a steady state of around 80% breastmilk and 20% formula milk for Peanut. 

I don't follow the "pump every 3 hourly" rule but stretched it to a 3.5 or 4 or even 5 hourly duration, especially when circumstances don't allow me to sit down for a 30 or 45-minute pumping session. 

I don't enjoy the pump session(s) needed in the middle of the night. It's taken away my sleep time.

I don't enjoy the soreness that sometimes comes but I've learnt to manage it better and to curb it when I feel it coming. 

But.

I am mighty happy when I see Peanut guzzling down my milk. It is nature and it is a natural thing but it sure feels surreal to see your child taking in food that was produced by you and growing up well. It is even more surreal when she latches on me directly.

I did not set myself a particular timeline or any particular objective to follow but now that things have been built up to a steady rhythm, I hope to try to keep this momentum going till at least she is 4 months old. That is one milestone marker I have now set for myself and I'll take stock again when that time comes. 

In the meantime, breathe Michelle, and jiayou. 

Mantra

The confinement nanny I hired to assist me after Nadya's birth had previously gifted me with some wise words. 

She told me: "照顾小孩子只需要三个心:爱心，耐心和专心。”

This piece of advice has stayed with me since then and has served me well during my journey as a mother, especially during those times when I felt frustrated, impatient and desperate.

It is especially useful now, when I remind myself that I need love, patience and commitment to see through the challenging times (mainly in the middle of the night actually) when I need to handle the needs of both kids concurrently, or when I need to manage Nadya's tantrums. 

Breathe Michelle. And jiayou. 

Achievement unlocked

After a horrible pump session last evening which only yielded a miserable 10ml, I thought to myself: this is it, I'm a dry cow. Jialat how to feed the baby tomorrow? You mean I have to go on full formula so soon? Bah....

But I'd felt engorged at that point...

And voila. It is 430am now. 

I am pumping and have been sitting here for at least 40mins and I'm looking at a grand volume of 230ml. A mega session indeed in terms of time and volume. And I'm still going. 

Wah. This is a first. Never had so much before. Glad I don't feel engorged already. 

Wooha.

Ok unplugging soon and scurrying back to bed....

:((

Very often, we take those closest to us for granted. 

I was a frazzled ball of nerves yesterday. I only had a total of 4 hours of sleep (I think) taken intermittently throughout the previous night. Coupled with past nights' accumulated lack of sleep, I was practically a walking zombie. And I didn't managed to nap much in the day itself because well, the baby didn't nap much. That zapped me of much energy.

3 members of my team at work contacted me separately at different times yesterday asking for various things. That grated on me. 

Nadya was a happy ball of energy when she got home last evening. Only to morph into a squirming fussy ball when it came to bedtime and she wanted me to tuck her into bed. That stressed me somewhat.

Alyssa was another fussy ball when evening rolled around. After drinking milk and receiving copious amounts of patting and rocking and cuddles, her eyes were still wide open and she refused to sleep. She would doze off in my arms contentedly and give off little mews, what I take as mini baby snores. But the moment I laid her down in her cot, she would wake and started bawling. That went on for awhile and kinda frustrated me. 

And I couldn't pump out even 20ml of milk last evening. I was starting to get engorged but somehow the milk refused to get out. I was sore and in need of release, literally. That grated on me again. 

K is away on a work trip. He called me at the end of the day yesterday and caught me in a bad time. He wasn't feeling well and had a scratchy throat and a hoarse voice and a runny nose. He was sweet enough to still call me and check in on things. 

I was however, a distracted, frazzled, tired bitch and just an irritable ball of nerves. Various things were asking for my attention all at once. My mind was everywhere and I was struggling with my pump as well. 

Needless to say, I wasn't a nice person to speak with at the time. 

I am sorry baby. 

Sorry that I was gruff and distracted and not nice at all. 

Sorry that I wasn't paying enough attention to you. 

Sorry that I took you for granted...

Sorry sorry sorry. :( 

I go stand one corner and face the wall ok.....

Truth Be Told

I'm feeling

- doggone tired

- fat, haggard and ugly

- frustrated 

- a little stressed out 

- a little lost 

- aimless 

- flustered

- all over the place

Both kids

Family

Close friends

Work 

Each pulling on a shirttail of mine. 

Jiayou Michelle....

??!!

I'm on maternity leave.

Leave.

That means I am out of office with official approval. That means I do not need to work. 

Why am I getting queries from team members via whatsapp and even email?! 

Why? 

Confinement

Today is the last day of my confinement nanny's services. It marks the end of my confinement period. 

I kind of both wish and do not wish for her to go. I am happy she's leaving because I can look after my own child without her giving anymore comments about how things should be done and what not. And I am also happy for her to leave because then I won't feel embarrassed anymore when she speaks at her loud volume (the entire block can hear her actually). On the other hand, I am not looking forward to her leaving as well because now my nights might (will?) be chaotic. 

Whatever it is, thanks auntie for all the help rendered and for the nice food you cooked. 

How it came to be

This scan was taken on 23 March 2015. She was 12 weeks in my tummy and measured a wee 5.6cm. I remember I was already showing a little then. 

In the scan, she absolutely looked like a peanut to me and that's how her nickname came to be. Peanut. :) 

K had originally wanted to call her Littlest Baby (following the lines of "Little Baby" as a nickname for Nadya). But we eventually found it a handful to pronounce and he too ended up using "Peanut" to refer to our second princess haha. 

How time flies. Peanut's now out of my tummy for 4 weeks already. A prolific milk guzzler, she's piled on already but because I don't have a working weighing scale at the moment, I don't know how heavy she is...definitely more than 3.5kg I think. 

15 years already

Just received a letter from Aviva informing me that I have paid up all my premiums for my life insurance in full and I will not need to pay anymore. Wonderful news! This frees up $2,000-over dollars each year for my other expenses. 

Back in 2001, I'd gotten myself a life insurance with a lifetime coverage but only needed a 15-year period of premium payments from me. 

I remember thinking at that time when will the 15th year ever arrive...and before I knew it, 2015 is the 15th year already. Gosh. Where did all the time in between go? So many things have happened since 2001......

I graduated.

I stepped into the working world and changed jobs a few times.

I made new friends.

I kept old friends.

And I lost some as well.

I got my driving license.

My nephew came along.

I loved, I got cheated and I lost. 

I had brain surgery. 

I partied every weekend when I recovered. 

I studied French.

I met a great man and I loved again.

I got married.

I had kids. Two in fact. 

I grew up.

I travelled. A lot by my standards.

Granny left us. 

I shifted house twice.

I got my own abode. 

It hits you suddenly. Wow, 15 years just passed by like that. And then the questions come. 

How will my next 15years be like? 

Which friends will still be sticking around? 

How will my parents be like?

How will my kids be like?

How will K and I be like? 

What will we be doing then? 

Where will we be staying then?

How will all of us look like? 

Everything happens for a reason

I bought a pair of shorts end of last year. It was the wrong size, bigger and baggier than what I thought it would be. 

And so it sat in my cupboard collecting dust. I'd forgotten it existed till I was packing my cupboard earlier this morning. 

The discovery has been timely for I need bigger clothes now...

The day today

Many heartfelt thanks to my gal pals...who together with K, arranged for a surprise visit to my house this afternoon. 

Ally couldn't make it in the end because Kyler had HFMD several days ago. So only PQ and family came by. 

But you guys made my day :) 

K ordered chicken wings too. He knows it's my fav. 

I thought this scene was cute. Little Baby and Darius were holding hands and posing with my birthday cake. This is the first time I've seen Little Baby hold hands with a boy. She may have done it in school before but I wasn't there to witness it. 

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Heartfelt thanks too to all those who dropped me wishes via SMS/Whatsapp, Facebook and FB Messenger. 

Several folks who went missing for several years suddenly appeared again virtually and wished me. 2 or 3 of them even dropped me notes via FB messenger. There were several ideas bounced around to meet up but I have a feeling these will come to naught. It's always easy to say or suggest such things but when it's time to make it happen, inertia takes over. 

Happy birthday!

Midnight

00:00:00am

17th October already! 

Happy birthday to me

Happy birthday to me

Happy birthday to me-ee 

Happy birthday to me! 

35 years young and counting. 

My birthday wish is for my family, loved ones and dearest friends around me to always be healthy, happy and blessed. 

And for my two little girls to be healthy, happy, intelligent, strong and filial. 

And for K to get what he wishes for in his career.

And lastly, for me to stay healthy, happy and content always....(and also for me to lose the pregnancy fats and cellulite soon!)

Mushrooms!

Her most grammatically correct sentence thus far, complete with past tense and plural forms. 

"I ate mushrooms for dinner just now." 

Uttered 2 nights ago. :)

She's quite the talker, this little girl. 

Friday morning

It's Friday morning 830am. Starting the day slow and easy.

With a cup of milo and 2 slices of buttered bread in me, I'm sitting down at my balcony colouring...while listening to the world stirring awake. 

The weather is cooler this morning compared to yesterday but I can still feel the heat lurking at the fringes, slowly trying to creep in. I might not be able to sit here for long before it gets hot and humid again. Will enjoy while this lasts...