落单?

sometimes, it does get to me. 

when public recognition went to someone else for work that i did or was a part of. 

if it's my staff, i'm fine. 

if it's another peer, i'm sort of fine too. 

if it's the coll, no i'm not that fine.  

call me petty. but no i'm not fine. 

but nevermind. 

what of it. 

路还是要走的

工还是要做的

i know what i've put in.

i think my boss knows. 

不用管闲杂人

Ganbatte!

咬紧牙根, 继续拼 !

可以的 !!

Project 差不多搞定后, ST 回来后....

就应该会比较好....!!

坚持 !!

Jiayou Mama!

The girls wear me out sometimes. 

Especially nights when Alyssa wakes 2 or 3 times, or wets herself at wee hours in the morning. Pun intended.

But I love them loads.

And for that, I will soldier on. 

==========

Recently, I've started becoming National Geographic Mama again...

This project started early last year. Till I ran out of ideas and animals to teach them. Back then, it was more about visuals, how the animals look like, etc. 

These days, with their increased knowledge and understanding, I've ventured into explaining about the animals' habitats, sizes, diet. And how they nurture their young, etc. 

Nadya asks about birds' wingspans these days (wah...!), and Alyssa asks about animals' babies and how they look like. Both ask about the animals' diet and how they catch their food lol...

Quite fun! :)

撑住。加油。一步一步走。可以的！！

More than a year in the making. And I don't see any light at the end of the tunnel yet. 

This particular project that I had to inherit from someone who left the team, is taking up alot of my time, energy, effort, brain cells and brings me much stress too. 

This feels worse than a 2-year project I was handling 8-9 years ago, where we had to manage many more stakeholders, mainly external parties, and which involved more $$$. 

Somehow this project involves alot less $$ but involves 10 times more red-tape and frustration. I feel like I am audited before actually being audited.

Every turn brings new info and throws new spanners into the mix. Every other turn brings added obstacles and red-tape that we (I) need to figure out how to cross. Sometimes desperately. Company reputation at stake. International relations at stake. My team's reputation at stake. 

Jiayou Michelle. Hang in there. 
I hope this clears up and gets settled within the next one month. 
I want to enjoy my birthday in peace....

Words...from a soul in pain

1. The world will not stop a second for you.

2. Stand up from where u fell.

3. Never lose faith as this is the path that you need to walk through

4. There is no such thing as miracle. Each individual path is pre-destined. When a “miracle” happened, it is just destined to happen this way.

From ST
Written when she was about to undergo a D&C procedure

But, she's picking herself up slowly...Jiayou gal...you may not see this...but know that I am rooting for you....

Leader?

And so...this morning I received a Whatsapp message from one of my soon-to-be staff. 

It was an image that read "A leader is one who knows the way, goes the way and shows the way"

And accompanied by the message "Thanks for being the one!"

It was nice little perk-me-up on what started out as a rough morning....but I think...I don't know the way alot of the time though and also need help and guidance from staff before deciding which way to go..It works both ways lah...we learn from each other along the way...

True

 有些路走得很辛苦， 可是不走的话会后悔。

~ 黄思恬 Carrie Wong

The girls

Nadya gave Alyssa a Maths test yesterday haha...Alyssa got all 5 questions correct. Yay!

She also gave Alyssa a spelling test. And Alyssa got all 5 words correct too! Yay! Dog, Cat, Out, Car....and one more word that I cannot recall. 

============

They spent at least 4-5 hours playing, eating and bathing together from 3pm to 8pm yesterday. I was pleasantly surprised they were content in each other's company and there were ZERO squabbles. 

I was proud and thankful too haha....cos that meant we had peace at home. ;p 

Nadya even fed Alyssa some potato nuggets when we were at Mac for dinner. Glad she was taking care of Alyssa...:)

============

Today's the first day back at school...cranky & tired kids haha. 

Wonder if they can keep up the same lovey dovey momentum tonight!! Fingers crossed!

Mother Hen

Why my registrars pattern zuay zuay...since 3 years ago so many of them pattern zuay zuay. Zuay until I headache. 

Every other month there'll be some operational dua zong issue or some contractual compliance issue or some customer service issue...with some issues dragging on for a year or more. These are on top of the mergers, acquisitions, consolidations, cessations and dissolutions going on. 

When I settle on issue and think I can take a small breather, another issue crops up. Xian ley!! 

I look after 2 kids at home (erm...make that 3 ;p) and have to look after 3 staff and 25 registrars..I feel like a Mother Hen. No wonder I nag so much. 

Breathe in....Breathe Out.....Fhuuuhhhh....

Nevermind. 

Ganbatte...!!

One thing at a time...one step at a time...however slow it takes, one step forward is still a step forward. 一步一步来.....

Hopefully I can get suitable candidates fast, quickly interview them and get someone in soon. Then that person can start learning and I can offload some of these issues to her. 

10pm work call

Got a call at 1010pm last night. Work call.
Gave me a small shock to see my boss calling me & another colleague to have a quick huddle on something. 

Turned out that our ex-Min reached out to our big big lady boss...because he wanted recommendations on who to go to for registration of some domain names. Big big lady boss skipped big boss and reached out to my boss directly...and of course boss + colleague + me (aka the minions) had a quick huddle to discuss who were the most appropriate vendors to "recommend". 

My boss did the rest of the work like giving out the URLs to big big lady boss, etc. 

Once in a while I get such stuff...LOL.

Life of a public servant. ;p 

Metal

Nadya sometimes talks to herself and blabbers imaginary things or stories to entertain herself...maybe it's her imagination working hard and her mind in overdrive. 

Yesterday, while showering herself, she spoke of having metal in her brain and then stopped herself with a "Silly me, how can I have metal in my brain? Then I'll be a robot! Which I'm not!"

My workdesk is just outside the washroom and I heard what she was talking about. 

I felt like telling her...."Well, I have metal in my head. 3 titanium screws to be exact. Does this make me a robot then? ;p "

But I didn't in the end...didn't want to get into a conversation with her about brain surgeries and why and how and...oh well....

Nadya the knotter

I've been into Chinese macrame and knotting recently and did up a bunch of Chinese knotted dragonfly keychains. Nadya had been asking me to teach her and I kept putting it off because I felt it would be too complicated for her. 

Finally showed her yesterday evening and she surprised me when she picked up the knotting quite fast. Sure, I'd helped her hold the strings together here and there so they don't get tangled up but she knew which string to go where and whether it was above or under and through which loop. 

Well done Nadya!!

Note to self: Don't underestimate children, especially your own....

Of Reminders and Epiphanies

Right Now
Just Do It
Take the First Step
Keep Going
你可以的!

============

Accept and Adapt
Accept that there are things you cannot change, like others' attitudes, behaviours, mindsets, or circumstances, the environment, whole structures
Adapt yourself then, be more flexible and tweak yourself, your approaches, your stances

It's not about undermining your values and principles
It's not about undercutting yourself
More of going about things in a different way to still meet your objective and get what you want
More of being the bigger, more open and more flexible person

But of course, still protecting yourself, your goals, your objectives

============

心胸也属要放大一些
路才能走的更远
视线才能更辽阔

Dealing with The Coll

On one issue.

I could have 咬死不放 and pressed for answers from her. 

But I guess, for those in the cc list, it's clear enough for them to see the points I'd made. 

The facts that were laid almost bare for all. 

It is also obvious that she is avoiding having to answer my question directly and just focusing on other comments. 

I'll let her have the last word on this matter. 

I have other more pressing matters to settle. 

But I think we all know that she did not "win" this case....

============

好声好气

I am learning, still learning from various people and even from junior staff. 

And one important thing I learned (from DC) on how to deal with The Coll.....

Is not to respond to an email when you are triggered and angry.

Calm down first and mull things over first before responding. 

plants

Thankful
For I spied another little new shoot that appeared in the Japanese Bamboo pot...
That makes it 2 new baby bamboo shoots...
I hope for more to come and the pot can regenerate and rejuvenate itself!

============

Moss rose hasn't been blooming for the past few days...Saw some new flower buds, I hope it blooms again soon....

============

Butterfly pea's speed of growth is really interesting....new branches (not even shoots or buds or tendrils) appear over 1-2-3 days. I hope our trellis works well...hmm....

Tom Yum!

I am lazy to follow recipes to a T...which is why I suck at baking. 

Anyway, I had an agar-agar recipe in my head for Tom Yum soup...(non-spicy version)...

I'd wanted to try it for the longest time but didn't have a chance to...

Finally wrote my recipe and instructions down yesterday and helper executed it....

Did a small pot as an experiment as I had an inkling the girls probably wouldn't like the taste of it. Since they're not used to such strong tasting spices yet...

Glad that this little experiment turned out pretty well! Yay to fish sauce, kaffir lime and lemongrass!

The kaffir lime gave such a lovely fragrance to the whole house haha...

Nadya didn't think so though and kept complaining about "that smell"...

Bah, she'll learn over time ;p 

The soup was good to me...comparable to outside soups! The flavours were almost down pat...

Except that the chicken pieces used were a little bland and chewy (maybe cos it's breast meat)...

Till the next experiment :)

Maybe it'll be better with seafood...

Oh my little plants!

Water Plum

Dropped leaves again in the last 2 weeks. Looking quite sparse compared to when it first came to me...:( I've not done anything different so I'm not sure what happened also. But there are also new growth so at least that's comforting....

============

Japanese Bamboo

Yay, after months of wondering if it will make it, it sort of stabilised and now I see a new shoot poking out from the soil. To be honest, I didn't do much to it also. Just removed the browned, dead or rotted stalks that's all. And what's left were just 2 or 3 healthy stalks. Really happy to see the new shoot peeking out. May it revive and get into a big clump again!

============

Ficus Ginseng

The one in the bonsai pot is doing good suddenly. Many many new growth - new leaves, new shoots, new buds. Happy to see! Hope it keeps up with this level of growth so that it'll fill out. It's been too sparse as well over the last 1-2 years.....Fed it with more organic compost so it gets the nutrients it needs to sustain its growth!

============

Indian Borage

The main mummy plant is....burgeoning again...lol...I trim it from time to time and it ALWAYS comes back with a strong vengeance. I've given out countless cuttings to the extent I think her descendants have extended to Kembangan, Farrer Road, Pasir Ris, Tampines, and of course Telok Kurau. I've also thrown away many cuttings because I don't know what to do with them anymore haha...

I've cultivated 2 more pots from the numerous cuttings...and now...the 2 pots are also thriving. I've trimmed one of them recently too....

============

Butterfly Pea

8 seeds sown, 2 germinated, 1 seedlings is thriving well, 1 is barely surviving and experiencing very slow growth. That's the small pot. The bigger pot cultivated form cuttings from a roadside plant is doing pretty ok. K & I set up a small trellies for its vines and stalks to latch on to...Wonder how it'll grow in the future :) But noticed it's starting to attract small little flies...hmm....

Me

This is me. 

I don't know if things need to be done in a certain way as an RO...but....I'll just do me. 

Zoom...no, not the online meeting application.....

 We're through 8 months of 2020 already. 

Like where did all those months go?! Sibei fast this year. And yeah I know I say this every year...but really SIBEI FAST this year....!! 

Itchy bitchy

Woke this morning feeling a little uncomfortable. 

Eyes itchy, nostrils very itchy, face a little itchy, scalp a little itchy, soles of feet a little itchy sometimes as well. Fingers too. 

No rashes, just these little itches. Allergy perhaps. To what? Dust mites? 

When I get this way, sometimes my breathing gets abit heavier. Nevertheless, I'm donning a mask in my own home just in case its due to pollen or whatever might be in the air. Yes, I get sensitive like this from time to time. A little irritating but I live with it. 

Will drink more water to flush out whatever might be in me too. 

Hope this goes away soon....

Breathe In....Breathe Out

God, 

Please grant me 

The full patience needed for dealing with the Coll 

The serenity to accept what cannot be changed 

The courage to change those that I can 

And the wisdom to know the difference

Thank you

Oral care

Oral care these days involves:

• brushing with normal toothbrush
• brushing with interdental brush for the teeth near where both dental procedures were done, and for the harder to reach places
• flossing
• rinsing with saltwater i.e. homemade saline. Around 2-3 times a day
• flushing of the surgery area with a big-ass syringe that has a long a metal tip. 3 or more times a day
• monitoring the surgery area and making sure no food gets caught in the hole that is still there...(dentist said the hole takes 2 months to close up...zzz....)

Jiayou!

sleepy

I knew I didn't wake a single time last night and only woke this morning when K brought Nadya into the room and he went to wash up. So by right, it should have been a good fitful sleep. However, I feel completely otherwise. I feel like I didn't sleep much and am tired and frazzled. I realised when I woke that I had a disturbing dream too, one that left me rattled. Trying not to think about it and trying to focus on work that needs to get done. 

I hope I can "wake" up more by the time my 1115am meeting with the CEO starts....I have another 4pm session with the Ministry folks. And much work today involves alot of thinking, tweaking of processes and policy work...Maybe I should soak myself in a tub of ginko juice or something...or guzzle gingko juice for my brains....

Jiayou Michelle....Ganbatte!!

Woot!

Amidst the recent nervousness and stresses I had...A piece of cheery news just came along...

Can't say much for now...don't wanna jinx anything...

But yeah...:) 

4th for Adrian, 6th for Mum & Dad 

Naggy

Now I know why mothers are naggy...

Nag/remind kids - do work, keep things, pack stuff, go to bed, eat properly, stop shouting....

Nag/remind husband - settled that issue liao bo?

Also have to nag/remind helper to do certain things...

And also nag/remind staff to do stuff....

Restructuring - Kickstarted

 Monday 24 Aug - The Coll announced to her current 3 staff about the restructuring

Tuesday 25 Aug - Boss announced to the whole team

Wednesday 26 Aug - I will have a chat with the 3 staff who will be moving over to my new team

Transition starts now....1 October will be official cut-over for most things...

Big Boss yet to announce to the whole division. 

Not sure if Big Big Boss will need to announce to the whole group. Very likely not since it's not major news and won't affect the rest in the Group anyway. 

Part nervous, part excited. I was quite apprehensive and being worrisome yesterday...to the extent I felt my anxiety symptoms coming back. I got alarmed and took steps to manage myself....

Like what K and Mas say...cross the bridge when it comes...take things in your stride too...when it comes, it comes, just have to handle...try not to worry about things which might or might not even happen...

I am thankful for Mas and ST being around in the new team...I think I will rely on them alot to keep the team running smoothly during the transition period and thereafter.

Onwards and upwards!

我可以的...!

Restructuring. And Other Projects.....

After a 3-months plus delay...things are suddenly moving. Gears are cranking. 

Full Board approval came within 2 days, with no substantive questions and only some reminders and comments. 

Discussion with HR next week on recruitment for new hire already. 

Internal discussions on timelines and transition plans kickstarting in the next few weeks. 

============
Many other things happening at the same time. 

Many registrar issues and mass migrations happening. Lots of operational and planning issues. Lots of coordination, administrative and some legalities involved as well. 

International relations project still hitting new things and new obstacles at every turn. Keeping up with the steam. Need to. 

Mind's a little scrambled from the multi-taking. 

But laoniang will survive...and emerge victorious!!!!!

Erm...fingers crossed haha....hanging in there....

============
Haven't had much time to pack stuff and tend to the plants...
Hope to do so soon....

Working. On Self.

It may not seem like it.
But I am trying to work on myself everyday. 
Some days more intensely than others. 

It could be a simple innocuous thing like going out for a walk. 
It could be something like setting a goal to spend 20mins each day packing and working to commit to it. 
It could be spending 15mins to stretch and meditate everyday before I sleep. 

But yeah. 
It's a constant work-in-progress.
Hope to learn more along the way.

Crafts. Thoughts. Penmanship.
Cooking. Mindfulness. Leadership.
So many things to learn, improve, enrich.

Onwards and upwards!
Ganbatte! 💪

Bits and Pieces

I don't like the new blogger interface. Less tidy actually.
But oh well. I don't have a choice. They're only supporting the old interface till end August I think. 

==========
White hairs are more and more noticeable these days. 
Maybe I'm home everyday now and I get the chance to stare in the mirror more often. 
But still...even my baby hairs are now turning white...

Nooooo.........:(

==========
It is strange...conversations these days with family, friends and even K mainly revolve around kids, health and work. 

When we talk about health, it almost always ends up being about eyes and lao hua (long-sightedness) or lasik....of aches and pains, especially in the neck and back....of declining stamina and attempting to get back to some shape after childbirth.....of trying to eat healthier stuff.....of trying to lose weight (though it's trying to put on weight for me haha).....of wondering why we are tired....of a lack of sleep....

When we talk about work....it's mainly about being in middle management now and either moving up or getting overlooked (and hence getting pissed over it)....about self-consciousness and insecurities about one's own capabilities....of feeling fatigue in work and trying to keep up with the motivation....and of juggling work, family, kids, and self......

==========
Need to remember to committ 20-30mins today to clear/pack one shelf. I remembed yesterday morning...but as the workday wore on and I got distracted by things.....I forgot to pack. 

A little challenging to stick to this commitment haha. 

Daydreaming

How nice it would be to have 2 or 3 weeks' off. 

K and I in a fully stocked and equipped campervan/trailer. Maybe travelling along a coastline somewhere. Parked by the beach for a few days at a time. Cooking our meals in small portable pots and stoves. Simple stews, simple grills and BBQs. Waking up to sunrises and watching sunsets. Listening to the seawaves. Sunbathing. Enjoying the seabreeze. Sitting on foldable nylon/wired chairs. Cooking, chatting, stoning. 

With books and some WIFI. Clearing our minds and our thoughts. Unwinding with nary a care in the world. 

Ok lah, we go rent one campervan (are there any such stuff in SG?) Park ourselves at erm....Labrador Park or ECP for 2D1N and erm camp there. LOL. 

The house

I was reading a book and it touched on one common source of stress and unhappiness - the house. 

Yup, the constant state of clutter and messiness, especially in certain parts of the house does bring me stress and unhappiness. It makes me mangzang. Frazzled. 

I agree with the author though, that things cannot be changed in one sitting or in a day or two. Because things are constantly moving, things are fluid and constantly changing too. We have to accept that. 

Perhaps a better way to manage oneself would be to accept this fact and accept that the house will always in a constant state of “work in progress”.

I set myself a small target 2-3 weeks ago. Instead of trying to change or pack or clean everything in the house at one go and lacking the energy, time and will to do it, I’ll set aside 20-30mins each day to clear/clean/pack/declutter one area. Just 20-30mins each day should hopefully be quite achievable right?

It was working well till I had my wisdom tooth procedure. Slacked off for a week and picked it up again this morning. Spent an hour clearing an area of the girls’ stuff. 

While I was happy that I threw junk away and cleaned up 2 drawers and part of a shelf, I was also a little irked and irritable. Because I was thinking to myself that the helper didn’t do a good job at cleaning. Layers of dust were clearly visible on those drawers. What the hell has she been doing? 

Do I really need to be so specific to her and remind her all the time to do this, do that, clean here, clean there? Hmm...

For now, I’ll try to chill abit before talking to her about things. Don’t want to end up flaring up. 

Reminder to Self

You are enough.

You are already doing it.

You are brave and strong.

You can do it.

Yes you can. 

simple joy

 The feeling you get, when your kid likes the food you cook and asks for second and third helpings...:)

*beams*

Work Restructuring

Restructuring will be coming in a few months.  

I'll be leading a new team that is really a consolidation of 2 existing teams together into one bigger team. 3 existing headcounts + 1 new hire. I'm happy with a small team. Dynamics easier to handle. It helps that there are at least 2 people in the team I trust. I hope to get a good person in for the new hire as well, my replacement really, just pegged at a more junior grade. 

Part excited. New challenge to see how to improve or move forward existing workflows and tasks. And how to handle new arrows coming our way. A consolidation like this of 2 teams has never been done in the unit's 20+ years of existence. 

Part nervous. Hope I am up to it. It will likely be an all-female team. Hope I can handle all the emotions lol. (It is true, more ladies in a team = more drama). I know too that there are cans of worms here and there. I just hope the cans are small, tiny, shallow ones. A very close colleague will end up reporting to me. I hope our relationship doesn't change too much. With our chemistry and understanding of each other, who knows, maybe we can get changes and improvements smoothly implemented. 

Part wary. Taking over The Coll's portfolio actually. Yeah, I've not mentioned The Coll in here for quite some time. But yes, I told my boss that if she "choot pattern" and is uncooperative and not open to sharing information about current or past processes and handling of tasks, he needs to step in. He gave me his assurance and also intends to personally get involved in the whole transition. Which is good. 

It'll be a learning journey starting in a few months' time right through till next year...
So on the workfront, I think my tasks and aims are more or less set in a certain direction already...
I hope I grow well in this journey...

Work

I'm mostly ok with the work I am doing. Some parts are more enjoyable than others. 

But in the recent one year plus, I've been feeling a little frustrated about things. In local parlance...I think the word "xian" is apt enough. 

I guess it's because of how some of these issues have become long-drawn. Very long-drawn. Through circumstances I cannot control. 

• Issue #1 is a policy issue which had to go all the way up to the Minister. It's a long standing issue which by right could have been cleared easily but noooo....it's been dragged on since Jan 2018. And through that...I had to ensure a Minister change (which means re-briefing everything right from scratch)....and now I kena a CEO change (yes, which means yet another re-briefing from scratch). This issue is coming to 3 years. zzzzzzzzzzzzz. 
• Issue #2 is an international relations issue...one that has dragged on for more than a year and which was started by someone else who has since left. For some reason now laoniang is holding this baby... And I've gone through 2 big meetings with the old CEO and management just to push this thing through....and now yes, CEO changed so yes rebriefing again...This project has also had obstacles at almost every turn of the way. Praying this will clear up and get settled soon. Many many redtape involved to the point I feel like puking sometimes. The tons of files and links I have to go through sometimes and I still don't understand some of the processes or can't find what I want. 
• Issue #3 is an industry relations issue. Partner management if you may. Channel management too. Operational too. Some partners have been giving me issues since 3 years back. And we are still trying to solve some of these bit by bit. Other partners have been giving me headache since a year back. And we are still trying to solve these slowly here and there too. 

Restructuring is coming in the next few months. Part excited, part nervous, part oh I dunno...!

Plants

Airplant Tally to Date

1. 1 Xerographica
2. 2 Ionantha
3. 2 Druid
4. 1 Spanish Moss
5. 1 Brachychaulos (or at least I think it's a Brachychaulos)
6. 3 Caput Medusae!

Total = 10. Crowding out my balcony table liao...hmm...

Really love how my very first caput medusae is turning out...it's leaves are getting longer and starting to curl and twist quite abit. Guess the fresh air and natural light is doing it alot of good. :)

===============
Water Plum

Leaves turning yellow again...I don't know why. Is this a cycle it goes through? But so often? Turning yellow means they start dropping off too...and now it looks like it's getting a quite sparse and bald again. :( 

Fingers crossed that it holds out and sprouts new shoots/leaves/buds again. 

===============
Butterfly Pea

The cuttings are doing ok, though a small branch had its leave drying out and falling off over the last few days. While they're doing ok and somewhat surviving, they are not thriving either. I don't think there's any new shoots or leaves coming out...

Seeds that I planted a month back....only one sprouted. I think I planted at least 6 to 8? 

Ego Booster

Close colleague had a call with the boss yesterday afternoon. He shared with her on the upcoming restructuring and that she'll be reporting to me thereafter. 

Apparently he shared some good stuff about me too. Something along the lines of him having learnt alot of things from me and he is still learning. And that I'm organised and good in English lol...

Oh well, we learn from each other lah...I've learnt various stuff from him too! Both work and non-work stuff. And I've also learnt (and am still learning) things from junior staff as well...doesn't mean they are my juniors means I can't or won't learn from them....

p/s: My English isn't very tok-kong or what. Just so happened that I have a slightly better grasp of grammar than my team-mates...so it makes it seem like I'm very good WAHAHHAHA...

Onwards and upwards!

长大了

 Voila.

Nadya's two front teeth just dropped off at her student care centre. One while she was having lunch, and the other one after lunch. They were already hanging precariously from her gums last evening. And she ended up eating some of my porridge instead. I had to cut up all her food into tiny pieces because she couldn't really bite into them....

Abit early for her to be singing "All I Want for Christmas is My Two Front Teeth" though...

But still in time for..."All I Want For My Birthday is My Two Front Teeth" lol....

Yay, she's front-tooth-less like her cousin Caelee now haha...

p/s: I lost 2 teeth last week...and a week later now....It's Nadya's turn lol...

Wisdom no more?

6 Aug 20

I went to remove 2 wisdom teeth at CGH. Upper left one was done by extraction and bottom left was removed through dental surgery. 

It was slightly scary sitting in that chair and having my whole face covered up with surgical cloth, save for the mouth area. Strangely, I wasn't afraid of the LA injection they gave, 5 in total and 1 more in the midst of the surgery itself for I still felt some pain. The nurse said that was the most painful/scary part. I beg to differ lol. 

What was really scary was when the surgeon took out the drill and started drilling my tooth to break it down into smaller pieces. The sound of the drill in your mouth was deafening and I remember thinking I hope he has steady hands and won't accidentally drill my tongue or gum...It was also somewhat scary when he was cracking that tooth into pieces (you could hear audible cracking sounds) and then trying to pry the pieces out. Oh yes tasting the bitter coppery taste of your blood in your mouth is pretty scary as well. 

I was tense and halfway through the procedures, I realised I was relying on 2 coping mechanisms. One was to replay continuously in my head...visions of the girls saying "Mama you are brave and strong. You can do it! Yeah!" And the other was to pinch my left hand. 

It speaks volumes when they give you antibiotics for a 5-day course....but painkillers for a 7-day course. I took painkillers for 1.5 days but I think it was highly unsuitable for me. I felt groggy nauseated and disoriented and even had fainting spells on 2 occasions. Skipped the painkillers altogether and went without. The pain and discomfort was still bearable. Took me another 1.5 days at least to not feel groggy anymore. 

Anyway, it's Day 5 after the procedures. 

Laoniang is still eating porridge and soft foods for every meal, including soaking bread/biscuits in milo or honey. The swelling has gone down alot though there is still some residual swelling. I've finished my course of antibiotics already. I'm still rinsing my mouth with medicated mouthwash 4 times a day. I still can't lie on my left cheek. I still can't laugh too much or smile too widely. There are times when I turn my neck to the right too quickly and my left neck/jaw area hurts. I still can't wash or dry the left side of my face too vigorously. Lower left jaw still aches when I swallow anything, even my saliva. 

Hoping I will recover soon and quickly. Jiayou Michelle!

Looking forward to eating proper food again....I jio-ed K for an Astons lunch date when I've recovered. I want beef. 

427

Getting emo again over the sale of the house that I grew up in.

Things are moving fast. Too fast.
Option, option exercise. All done.
Tearing down, removal and disposal of furniture all done.

Window panes fixed to meet HDB's mandatory requriements.
HDB inspection done.
Now the buyer is getting approval for early renovation permit.


Trying not to think too much or remininisce too much.

The sentimental and emotional side of me is coming out strong again after lying low for several weeks.

I feel like I need a good good cry to flush it out of my system.

Jiayou Michelle.
Move on.
Your parents have.

Xerographica

The Xero is doing good.
I guess it was cooped up and kept in a ball at the store for a period of time and it's leaves were set in a certain way.

It's been here for 2 weeks and its leaves have loosened up in the fresh air and natural light. I see a hint of some curls starting to form. And the leaves have stretched out abit more compared to when I first got it.

I've more or less completed cleaning its leaves. There was somehow bits of dust and some soil (?) in between its leaves and while I'd cleaned most of them out on the day I brought it home, there was still some dirt stuck in deeper crevices. Had to use a cotton bud yesterday.

Hope it grows more.
Hope I can find a better place to eventually hang it up too. I believe when its hung up, its leaves will grow longer and curl even more....

early morning thoughts

忍一时风平浪静，退一步海阔天空

这算是doormat的行为吗？
还是宽宏大量？
还是以大局为主？

退太多会不会令对方不知不觉的残生得寸进尺(或为非作歹...? ok this is an exaggeration)的行为？

在工作上
在私人生活上
在家庭中

hmm...

learning...still learning

Be patient when dealing with some junior staff. While they may be older than you in age, you are much more senior in designation. Due to age and a certain mindset hat has been honed over many years, some may be more stubborn or have a "fixed" way of doing things or have a certain "attitude".

Be patient.
Be mindful.
Be aware.
Be respectful.

But.

Still BE FIRM and assertive when needed.

==========
Trying my best not to flare up at a certain older staff member who tests my patience from time to time. I admit that I do have some bias against her. I am aware, which is why I am consciously working on it.  I am also conscious of it when I am dealing with her and will remind myself.

Also trying to come to terms with it that....some time in the next 6 months...she will be reporting to me when I take on another portfolio within the team....

Yes I Can

Been a challenging day with 5-6 calls, including a 2-hr plus Board meeting where I felt like I bungled the 2 papers I presented. (Boss later told me he thought I did pretty ok, not stellar but ok enough)

Brain zapped. Fried. zzz.

But the cooler evening, some energy from the kids, a stroll with K along the park connector after dinner (sans kids) and a nice shower has brought some sanity and energy back to me....

Clearing one more email for the day....then I'll indulge in some K variety liao and then it's bedtime...

*pat on the back*
It's been a challenging, but good day.

Onward, forward!
Ganbatte!

Long hair no more

Finally went to cut my hair yesterday. Chopped off 6 inches and my hair has gone from reaching the middle of my back to just touching my shoulders...

Happy to hear from my hairdresser, whom I've gone to for the last 12 years, that my hair was still in a pretty good condition even though it had gotten so long. The ends were a little dry that's all but they've been cut off. :)

I created a big mess at the salon with all my hair on the floor hahha...

Stomach spoil

When I try to be careful with what I eat, I'm told to relax and try and don't be so uptight about things.

When I relax and let go and eat, then this is what happens lor.

Stomach goes haywire...

Last week...Buffet on Wed, Mac on Friday lunch, a scoop of ice-cream on Friday evening, tried some green curry on Sat evening, had more than a few ondeh ondeh tarts on Saturday evening also...

And then....

Tummy hasn't been well since Saturday...
Felt a little of the acid reflux symptoms here and there. Abdominal and stomach cramps, bloatedness, general upper gut discomfort. Bad tummy ache last night. The slight breathlessness. The general lethargy that comes along everytime I get tummy issues.

I stopped the anti-acid pills since 23 March. The thought even crossed my mind if I should take some again. But no I shouldn't...

:(

More airplants!

We popped by A Tilly A Day yesterday afternoon after our anniversary lunch at Gyu Kaku.

Really lovely shop. The terrariums there put my amateurish ones to shame lol. They had both open and closed ones. Many of the smaller ones were just of moss though and the shop had many UV lighting tubes for the plants. Maybe that's why they usually keep so well in these shops but don't fare well when they get back to someone's home.

I managed to get the Xerographica that I was looking for. A whopping $30 bucks for a small one that fit into my palm. I'd probably be able to get it cheaper from a farm. But lazy to travel there. I ended up with 2 more Caput Medusae airplants too. One was grown from seed and looks vastly different from the existing one I have. Shop lady said it might be from the Philippines while the one I had was probably from Guatemala. The other Caput Medusae I got was very similar to the existing one I had. Somehow like their structure...:)

So yeah, my balcony's filling up....hahaha...

22 July 2020

8 years my love. :)
Since we had our Chinese wedding dinner.

8 years and 9 months
Since we had our ROM.

11 years and 4 months
Since we got together.

Thank you sayang
For being around.

Muacks!

Yay!

Brought the girls for a quick dessert fix at Garden Slug this evening. And finally! The plant shop Potta Planta next door was open!

Went in to ogle at their stuff and walked away with a pot of asparagus fern.
Yes, I love this plant....but lost the previous pot that Ally gave to me. It had succumbed to a mealybug infestation a few months back.

I hope this pot goes well. Will repot it tomorrow to a bigger pot and remove some browned stalks and fronds. Will explore if I can declump it and split it into 2 separate clumps...hmm....

Would have bought alot more at the shop.....if not for the exorbitant prices....
The pots are really chio...my style, my type. Monochromatic and duller earthy tones. Very simple designs with matching pot plates. Just one single drainage hole that I like. Raw ceramic and unglazed. Really laoniang's style.

But so so ex...a pot of 10cm height and 10cm width could set one back by $29....:(
For now, I'll just ogle and salivate at the pots......

If I'm successful at declumping the asparagus fern, maybe I'll get one small pot as a present to myself.....I'll just make do with plastic Baba flower pots for now...

#06-443

Quite sad.
Yes, I am.
Quite sad I am.
Yes.

The Tampines flat.
Has been sold.
Sold it has been.
The Tampines flat.

Memories.
Nooks and crannies
Granny.
Many.

Home.
Heart.
Love.
More.

==========
Buyer's a family with 2 daughters who are getting older and hence need more space. Lady of the house is 2 years older than I am. So maybe her kids are just slightly older than Nadya.

I hope the house gives these 2 girls as many good memories as it gave to me.
Whoever gets my room.....I wish that the room gives her good energy and comfort. And that she grows up well in that house, in that room.

zzzzzzzombie

Relatively zombiefied today.

Slept with the girls last night. At 1-plus, Nadya flopped over and half of her body was hanging off her mattress onto my tilam on the floor. And needless to say, she was on me.

3-plus, Alyssa woke and stomped over to my tilam. Squeezed in with me in that little space. The space is barely 70 or 80cm wide so I ended up getting squished on my side in an awkward position. Crappy neck and shoulders when I woke this morning. Didn't help that she sleeps with "flailing" arms sometimes. Macham octopus. I got whacked a few times in the night.

My engine has barely started and I'm falling asleep already. It's 9:15am.

Tahan!! Jiayou!! Friday already!

Of Hands and Feet....

Funny (and yet maybe also quite natural) how we don't really notice certain things about ourselves or even the things and people around us because we've taken their presence for granted already.

Was staring at my feet the other day. And suddenly realised how dry they were. Heels were dry and while they were not cracked, they had deep grooves. And erm....wrinkles and creases near the base of the foot. Many small red and blue veins as well. Decided to use baby oil to moisturise them that night and wore socks to sleep. They looked less dry the next day. I should do this more often.

Ever since CB started and I stayed at home and worked from home, I skipped using hand and body lotion. Hands are dryer now. Compounded by the fact that I'm washing my hands more too (because of more wiping, cleaning, gardening while at home, etc) I should start using some hand moisturiser again at least.

Of IDs, passwords and account info....

The ridiculousness of it all...
But no choice...it's part and parcel of the digital world now...

I have 20 different login accounts (and of course passwords) for various apps and accounts in the course of my work. Some I only use once or twice a year. Some I use every other day.

I have maybe another 10-over or 20 online accounts and passwords used in my personal life. Be it for banking, or online shopping or journalling.

The girls have their own school stuff that we need to log in to...That's another set of dunno how many IDs and passwords...

zzzzzzz....I lose track of these things at times.

Ended up jotting down all work-related info on a document. No choice. I cannot remember so many stuff. Some paswwords require a min of 8 characters. Some require 12. Some require a mixture of upper and lower case character with numerals and special characters. Some don't allow special characters. zzzzz

Of birthdays....and my strange brain

Just wished a JC friend happy birthday. Her birthday today. I wish her every year...kinda like a thing that I would do since around 10 years back maybe (could be more?). Not sure why or how it started also.

I wasn't very nice to her when I was in JC though we hung out in the same clique. I was ok with her at times but at other times I would feel irritated by her and not be so friendly with her I think. Guess I was a mean girl.

Happened to meet her on the train a long time ago and got to talking to her and her colleague on the train ride all the way from Bugis back to Tampines. And from then on I think I wished her every year.

I don't keep in touch with her at other times. But only wish her on her birthday. I do that with some other people as well though I'm not quite sure why I do so actually.

It is very strange how I remember the birthday of some random kid who was in my class back in Sec 1. And whom I've not kept in touch with since 13. I believe his name is Hassan and his birthday falls on 17 Feb.

I remember the birthdays of some people from sec sch and of some folks whom I got to know during my early to mid-20s. But I don't even know where they are now or what some of them are doing. I don't even have some of their numbers!

It is very strange. Because I try to commit to memory some friends' birthdays, but can't seem to do so very well. Yet, these people are the ones still in touch with me from time to time. And they mean much more to me than that random kid from when I was 13!!!

Flexibility

Flexibility needs to be handled with a measure of restraint and consideration.

Working from home now seems to mean that people ask you stuff at odd hours of the day. 

Not sure why tonight is so "special".

MW asked me stuff at 930pm. Mas asked me stuff at 10pm.

For those of us on duty for the elections, we sometimes clear work during our shifts and I've been getting emails at 2:00am, 3:30am and 5:30am lol.

Plants

Uhm Jung Hwa said on "Master in the House" that....

"I love flowers and plants. Keeping plants makes me happy. It's a healing process watching the plants grow and keeping them healthy and well. And they beautify the whole place too."

Yes, I agree.

===============
Airplant - Tillandsia Druid
One of the Druids that came from Malaysia has a pup now. I had sort of consciously paid less attention to this particular plant. I didn't like the look of it when it arrived and it had many damaged leaves. I still took care of it though and trimmed off the damaged leaves or withered areas. I still misted it daily, sometimes twice daily and I still soaked it once every 2 weeks or so.

Suddenly noticed yesterday that 2 of its leaves seemed a little out of place and "loose". Took a closer look and voila! There was a little pup there peeking out. No wonder the mummy's leaves seemed a little displaced at that spot. Let's see how this pup develops. I'm hoping for at least one of the airplants to flower....I've never had one that flowered....

A Tilly a Day
I found this shop online. It has a brick and mortar shop at Waterway Point too. I want to go visit it and buy myself a small Streptophylla or a small Xerographica. K and I were at Chin Ling Nursery on Monday during lunch and I saw a very nice Xero there on display....but it was a large specimen and....the price was too exorbitant for me...$98...I'll be content with a small palm-sized one at maybe $25? That's seems like the usual going rate....

Water Plum/Jasmine
Grand dame has been flowering quite a bit these few days. :) And shedding all the blooms on the same day or the day after too so I've been picking up after her quite a bit too haha. Love the scent the flowers give off....

Japanese Bamboo
Seems to have stabilised somewhat, though it looks rather bald. No longer turning yellow and shedding leaves like nobody's business. Plucked out some brown stalks the other day. They came off very easily from the soil. Seemed like they might have been rotted at the bottom, just above the roots. Hmm....I hope the other stalks are not affected.

Ficus Ginseng
The small one in the bonsai pot is suddenly faring much better after I layered some organic compost as a topsoil 2 weeks ago. A whole bunch of new baby leaves sprouted and some new branches too. I added more compost this week. Wonder what new surprises are in store.

The big one in the normal pot...I don't know what to do with it. It is shedding leaves again and looks horribly sparse and bald. After feeding it with compost, new buds and leaves have appeared but I'm not confident it can be back to its former glory days a few years back. Deciding what to do with this fella. Should I give it a drastic trim back? Should I repot it? Hmm....

Airplant - Tillandsia Caput Medusae
This beauty...I like. It's blossomed a lot after I brought it back from the office. For 1.5yrs it was kind of dormant in the office. Now, in natural light and air, it grew visibly bigger and longer and looks much greener too. The layer of fuzz has increased too and last week, it sprouted roots! Always nice to see some indication of when a plant is growing...I hope this fella grows more and flowers....:)

Thankful

• For having the opportunity to spend more time with the girls over the last few months instead of a rushed 30-45mins in the morning and another rushed 1-1.5hrs at night during pre-covid days
• For having the chance to spend more time with my plants. When I need a break sometimes I find myself walking to the balcony to have a look at them or to mist them or to groom them a little or just to observe new shoots coming out and new flower buds forming
• For the flexibility to cook my own lunches, take a nap in the afternoons, walk around or flop on the bed whenever I need a quick rest
• For the smooth operations we've had during the GE period so far. 

The K world

What to do? I married a man named K....hehe....

Abit 走火入魔 lol....when you discover that when....

• You get a shock/surprise, you don't mutter "wtf?" or "omg" or "wah lau?!" to yourself and instead the thought "gabjagi?!" springs into mind
• You wanna say "wow" or "sibei sart" but the expression "heol!" comes into mind...
• You are hungry or 嘴巴痒....and "baegeupa" pops up in your mind 
• You think to yourself "it's ok" and "gwaenchanha" appears on the tip of your tongue....

Potting around

Butterfly pea
The butterly pea plant cuttings (that K and I helped ourselves to from a random bush along the lorong outside our place) are doing pretty well. I put 3 onto a bottle of water and 3 straight into soil.

1 from the bottle developed a strong root system and I transplanted it into a pot yesterday. I hope it does well. 1 from the pot didn't seem the doing well and I removed it but the other 2 are still going strong. Hope they do well!

While out on a walk with the girls yesterday afternoon, I stopped by a bush and spotted numerous seed pods which were already ripe for the picking. I was glad they had not yet split open! For if they id, I wouldn't have been able to collect any seeds...;p  Helped myself to 2 seed pods which yielded a total of 13 seeds! Yay! Planted 6 of them into a pot. Hope they germinate properly!
I didn't nick them or soak them in water first though....so it will probably take a long time to germinate. 2? 3? 4 weeks?

Airplants
I can tell they are much happier at home than in the office. 2 of them have sprouted roots and grown more leaves. :) The brachycaulus is a little limp though. Not sure why. The rest are doing great!

Rose fairy
Packed my table the other day and came across a seed packet I forgot about. It'a pack of seeds from Horti, with the label "Rose fairy". Threw the seeds into a pot in end June. Hope they germinate well. Need to watch...I've never been successful at germinating seeds last time. Fingers crossed!!

Of walks, chickens and explorations

The girls requested to head out for a walk and visit the neighbourhood chickens yesterday afternoon. Our usual practice these days would be to arm ourselves with a small packet of grains to feed the chickens. Yesterday, we had rice, barley and millet. I skipped the bread this time round...

I'd have to say that Alyssa is definitely the spunkier, braver and more adventurous one out of the two. Despite her being the younger one. :) Nadya was hiding behind her half the time haha. Nadya has improved though, compared to before. There was one time when she stormed off in a huff and incessantly muttered under a hefty pout "I WANT TO GO HOME NOW!!" because she got embarrassed and frustrated at herself and her fears.

In fact, both have improved lah. :) Both used to hide behind me when the chickens are around. I Suddenly realised that both were in front of me yesterday haha. Yay...baby steps to developing their curiosities and courage.

I enjoy such walks with them.
(Though I get quite pek chek if they start squabbling non-stop with each other along the way.)

There's a particular route I take when I bring them to visit the chickens. Along the way, I'd point out different trees, flowers and plants to them. We "hunt" for wild mushrooms. We spy on the birds in the neighbourhood. We scream when we meet buzzing insects. We step on mimosas. The girls pluck wild flowers. We observe what dogs we pass by, if any.

I'd try to explain things to them, as much as my limited knowledge can handle.

"This is a butterfly pea plant. The flowers can be used to.....It's a creeper and can be considered an invasive plant.....Look! Seed pods!"
"This is a mango tree! You can tell by its leaves...."
"This is a water jasmine plant..."
"Those are sunbirds! Doves! Pigeons! Parakeets!"
"Snails! Those black stuff are their poop!"
"Mushrooms!"
"Touch-me-nots! Another name for this weed is "mimosa". See what happens when you touch the leaves..."
"Hibiscus! Byrophyllum! Snake grass! Snake plant! Lalang! Spanish moss! Sunflowers! Airplants! Pomegranate! Ixora! Boston fern! Bird's nest fern!...."
"These are the spores of the bird's nest fern. That's how they propagate....errr...propagate means...errrrr...."
"There's a moringa tree here! Did you know we can actually eat those pods? They taste good in curry....Popo used to cook them...you can try next time..."

Guilt & Disappointment

Quite guilty for making Alyssa feel disappointed.

We have a morning ritual where I peep out of the window and wave bye to her when she's at the carpark (when she leaves for school). And we'd give each other arm and finger heart signs too. I cherish these moments for they give me strength, and I think she hold these moments dear to her heart too.

Been even more scatter-brained in recent days and I was late to get to the window this morning. (had to speak with the helper on something). By the time I got there, K & her were in the car already. And he was slowly driving off. I was hoping she was craning her neck to see my window from the car (not even sure if she can see my from that angle)....and I was waving frantically from the window. :(

K later told me that she had waited for me and stalled getting in the car. When she finally got in reluctantly, he said she was leaning her head on the side of her car seat looking glum...and she told him "I miss Mama."

I was quite upset at botching this morning's ritual. :(
Was beating myself up over it actually...though I recognise that I need to snap out of it and can't let it bog me down too much.

I'm really sorry my baby girl....
I can only take comfort in that I gave you a big hug and kiss this morning and said my usual words to you to start the day (another ritual of ours). And that you chose this morning to voluntarily tell me 'I love you Mam!" after you put on your shoes....

Mama will do better next time baby girl...

Music

Deulgukhwa - That Only is My World
Kang San Eh - Like the Salmon Swimming Up the River
周深 - 大鱼
Hacken Lee - 月半小歌曲

Friday morning music accompanying me...these songs as well as their various cover and duet versions....some soul-healing time

Just realised. They're all non-English songs...:)

Lunch Lating

Lunch date with K later today...after several months of not doing so!

Going to TGS. Hope the plant shop next door is open too.
I definitely want to get their spanish moss since I don't know where else to get them. And possibly their asparagus fern too if it looks healthy enough and free of pests (though it is difficult to see with the naked eye).
I also want to get nice pots and other holders if they're not too expensive. I remember that shop carries rather atas stuff...hmm.
I don't recall them having airplants last time though I wonder if they brought in new stuff recently. Shopping for a Tillandsia Xerographica or a Tillandsia Streptophylla, if they're not too expensive hahha....I think one can cost up to $50...hmm...depends on the size too I guess...

Deulgukhwa

There was a period of time I was into slow rock, soft rock or similar genres.
I think I was in secondary school or JC, and I had Wu Bai playing non-stop, as well as Bon Jovi, Aerosmith, Beyond, Scorpions, Guns & Roses, Pearl Jam and I think Eagles featured quite abit as well since my brother had their album.

Spent some time listening to Deulgukhwa tonight. A Korean rock band from the 80s.
Jeon In Kwon is the only member left who's still performing. Salute siah. 65-yrs-old now and his lungs are still so powerful....eccentric guy but vocals quite "sart".

I knew about their song "Don't Worry My Dear" from awhile back and I listen to it from time to time. But I just discovered that their "That's Only My World" is really good too....

Work on yourself

"A stylist can put you in clothes that can mask your your physical insecurities or imperfections. Or you could just work out and then you'll look good even in a simple Tshirt and jeans."

- Shin Seung Hun
(as expressed on Master of the House, ep 120 Ballad Emperor)

In other words, you can dress up your work or yourself with fancy words or packaging to cover up any flaws...but that fluff won't last. Work on yourself and build up your character and capabilities. Build up strong values and those will all carry you though in life.

Snooze

Went to bed at 2:20pm and woke on my own at 15:40pm, about 10 mins before my alarm rang at 15:50pm.

Thankful that:
- it was a long uninterrupted sleep
- the weather was cool this afternoon and it helped alot
- I woke feeling more rested

Behind the scenes

The work that some of us are doing for the elections...
The preparation for the various scenarios and of backup plans and holding statements...

Feeling like the army..

Lots of planning and meticulous preparations for days for something that might happen...
But which has not and is highly unlikely to happen but...

Of course...never say never...

And that's what planning entails?
Covering all grounds and angles and prepping for most scenarios

Ramblings

And we're officially into the 2nd half of the year already.
Dang. Time passed really fast this year.

The days flew by real quick in April, May and the first half of June as there was HBL for both girls and daily work they had to do each morning.

I've kind of "forgotten" what I set out to do this year as everything was thrown out of whack.
Things have improved though they've not gone back to full normalcy.
Schedules will be adjusted again as enrichment classes resume and Nadya now has an extra ballet lesson each week because she's been promoted to a different grade already.
And Nadya has also requested to go for Art classes. Alyssa is neutral about Art classes but we think she may have a greater propensity for it actually. (Alyssa has interesting and quite well thought-out concepts for her drawings)

I should take some time out to think through again what I wanted to focus on this year.
And how I should/could tweak them now in this new environment. Especially when things might be changing on the workfront too...maybe in the next 6 months?....

Wednesday only?!

Losing track of days a little. Especially when you're working at night as well and on weekends haha.
I thought today's Thursday and only discovered it's Wednesday when I turned on my laptop.
Earlier on I took the probiotics from the Thursday slot in the pill box lol.
Laoniang ish blur liao...

Not just the sleep cycle that's been disrupted. Surviving on 4.5hrs of sleep and then a 45mins nap during the day.

But the various multi-tasking too. And sometimes, I'd be having 3 (or 4) conversations simultaneously.
One on Whatsapp on the HP Envy, one on Skype for Business on the Lenovo Thinkpad, and another one (or two) on normal Skype on the HP Envy.

Ganbatte!!

Yada yada

Yesterday was Day 1 of my 9pm to 1am daily night shift.
11 more days to go....till 10 July night i.e. Polling Day night.

Holding up well so far with 4.5hrs of sleep.
Will need a nap after lunch. To last for tonight's shift.

==========
Water Jasmine/Water Plum
Happy to see the Water Jasmine bloom alot for the last 2 weeks. The sad thing is that the blooms only last a day or 1.5days and then they wither and fall. There were 2 or 3 consecutive mornings and evenings when I cleared up to 30 wilted flowers each time...short-lived joy in that sense.

Trimmed a stray branch off yesterday. My first time pruning it a little. That branch has been extending its way out of the shape of the uppermost pad. So thought I'd trim it back a little. Stuck the small cutting into a patch of soil. Just for fun. If it survives and grows, then yay it's a big bonus! :)

No more yellowed leaves for the last 2 weeks. Happy to see that .Fed it with some organic compost last week. Tested it with just a little scoop. In case it starts protesting and the leaves turn yellow again lol....

Moss Rose
Moss rose is doing good with one bright pink bloom every other day. Trimmed off some old dried up stalks the other day. Hope it grows bushier again. Kinda scraggly now.

Baby Aloes
The girls' baby aloes are doing good and have turned a healthy green colour after 1 or 2 months of turning a dull grey-brown shade. I changed their soil mix and they've gotten so much healthier as a result.

Rose Fairy
I sowed some flower seeds 2 days ago. 迷你玫瑰 or Rose Fairy was indicated on the packet. Hope they yield something. I last tried sowing them last year and nothing came out of it...Practising my germination luck and skills before trying to sow the Water Jasmine seeds that I collected 1 month plus ago. ;p

Indian Borage
Trimmed off another 6-7 stalks 2-3 weeks ago. Passed it to my neighbour who sadly has not planted them even though he said he would...I think...the cuttings probably dried up and got chucked in a bin and have probably been incinerated by now...:(

Local pomegranate
Need to find time to trim off the many dead branches. Hoping it will get bushier...hopefully the rains over the last 2 weeks brought it some natural nutrients too...

==========
Slightly scratchy throat. With a slight itch.
Exacerbated by K and I gorging on severla mouthfuls of Mint chocolate gelato last night after the girls fell asleep...;p

Revisiting Winter Bear

Fell in love with this song last year when it was released. It's by BTS' V.
I generally don't like English songs sung by Korean artistes. Most have poor grammar and broken English and sometimes the lyrics don't make sense.

Winter Bear treads the grey line. The short lyrics are mush at times but the melody tugs at my heartstrings ALOT...so I'll tolerate the lyrics haha. Plus, the song somehow reminds me alot of my grandmother. And for that I'll love the song. :)

Lyrics below...

==========
Winter Bear - BTS V

She looks like a blue parrot
Would you come fly to me?
I want some good day, good day, good day
Good day, good day
Looks like a winter bear
You sleep so happily
I wish you good night, good night, good night
Good night, good night

Imagine your face
Say hello to me
Then all the bad days
They’re nothing to me
With you

Winter bear
Ooh, ooh, ooh
Sleep like a winter bear
Ooh, ooh, ooh
Sleep like a winter bear

Revisiting Epiphany

Early morning pick-me-up.
Listening to BTS Jin's Epiphany. I'd love to blast it if I could.
But I have a neighbour who would blast English pop songs to counter anyone who remotely tries to play music at a louder than usual volume.

Translated lyrics below.

==========
Epiphany - Jin

It's so odd, I loved you so much for sure
I adapted myself entirely to you, I wanted to live for you
But as I kept doing so, I became unable to bear the storm inside my heart
I got to fully reveal my true self under the smiling mask

I'm the one I should love in this world
The shining me, the precious soul of mine
I realize only now, so I love me
Even if it's a little lacking, it's so beautiful

I'm the one I should love
(Even if I'm shaking and afraid, I walk on forward)
(I meet the real you, whom I had hidden inside the hurricane)

Why did I, like this,
Want to hide away my precious self
What was I so afraid of
That I had to hide my true self

I'm the one I should love in this world
My shining self, my precious soul
I finally realise it So I love me
Though I'm not perfect, I'm so beautiful
I'm the one I should love

I might be a little bit blunt and inadequate
You might not be able to see such things as a shy sparkle
But the fact that this version of me is my real self
My arms and legs, heart and soul that I have lived with until now

I want to love them in this world
The shining me, the precious soul of mine
I realize only now, so I love me
Though I'm not perfect, I'm so beautiful

I'm the one I should love
I'm the one I should love
I'm the one I should love

Thoughts. Of Work.

Reminder to self.

• 别管太多他人的事。别管太多他人的是非。别管太多他人的对或错。做好自己的本分。做好自己该做的事。 就够了。除非，他人踩到了你范围之内，或踩到了你的脚，那就是时候抛头露面反驳他人了。
• Integrity. Ownership. Honesty. Pride. Authenticity. Sincerity. Responsibility. Willingness to help. --> while these may not get you moving fast, at least, you're doing things with conscience and honesty. And more importantly, 你对得起自己。
• Build alliances and a support network. Of people who share the same values and principles. Of people who are unafraid of putting the team's and others' interests before their own. Of people who have your back (and likewise, you have theirs).

Practising Chinese. I don't know if the words are right or wrong. But, so long as I understand. 

whiter than white

And so Ivan Lim has pulled out of the GE.
Poor guy...I feel for him.
Whether he's really arrogant and elitist and not a good guy is one thing.
But having your name and reputation dragged through the mud at a national level....is another matter.
And having your family members endure the stress of this public scrutiny...is also quite a burden to bear.

He's a young guy. His political career is as good as zilch already.
But I hope his future in the private sector won't be too affected by this incident.
People forget over time.

This whole fiasco reminds me of an ex-colleague....
Steven Tan, who was introduced by the PAP at the 2015 GE and who similarly had to withdraw himself from running....
Due to some allegations of his past behaviour.

Like what SP said to me earlier today...
To be a politician, you need to be whiter than white.
LOL....how true....

Emo, tired. Need to pick self up.

Emo week, haven't had a proper chance to sort out my thoughts and 整理一下心情.

Mon 22 Jun - dental appointment
Prepping myself for a possible extraction done on the day itself. Took up a fair bit of energy.

Tues 23 Jun - work
Things gearing up but still not too bad

Wed 24 Jun - morning rush, packed my stuff at the Tampines flat and Night work duties started
Mad rush in the morning. Cleared work then rushed out of the house in the midst of rain and an (almost) lift breakdown and a fiasco with the cab I booked...
Packed my stuff at the Tampines flat while on a 1.5hr work call.  A little sentimental about my old things but not too bad.
Did my monitoring work shift from 4pm to 12am

Thurs 25 Jun - closed case with Ellen and night work duties
Somewhat emo but not much time to deal with it. Just accept and move on.
Another night till 12am. Clearing media statements at 11-plus in the night.

Fri 26 Jun - saw the video the housing agent did up for the Tampines flat, received a bomb of a news that Mum was starting catechism classes on that night itself. 
When realisation hits. When things start becoming real. When things have been put into motion and the agent comes and takes photos and videos of the flat to post online in his property listings. Emo about it. My childhood home. From Jan 1986 till Jul 2012 when I shifted out. Many memories. Many firsts. Many crying sessions. Many dance sessions. Many spaced-out times. Many moments with myself. My own valued private space in my room.

Granny's old cupboard was still there on Wednesday. The cupboard that had been in the family for more than 40 years. I didn't get a chance to touch it or look at it when I was over at the house on Wednesday. I didn't know they were going to get the town council to get it and throw it away today. Many many memories of me sitting in front of that cupboard while Granny packed her things. Many memories of her explaining what those things were and who gave them to her or how she came to possess those items. The cupboard's gone now. Just like that. Maybe I am placing too much attachment on physical items. In a bid to retain those memories.

Bombshell came in the evening. When Mum said she was starting catechism classes that night itself. Big news that I was not aware of till the very last moment. To be exact, around 2 hrs before her class started.  Macham just a cursory gesture to let me know. Felt displaced, out of place, out of the picture.

Worked till 10-plus.

Of milestones

I closed my case with MPFSC yesterday afternoon.
In the midst of the work chaos, I carved out a space for my chat with Ellen.
It was our monthly phone chat since February earlier this year.
And yesterday's session was our last.

Mixed feelings.
There's the apprehension of one of the safety nets being pulled away.
And this little bird being left to fly on her own.
There's also the understanding that I can't drag it out too long for her and MPFSC.
There's also the understanding at the back of our minds that we cannot let this turn into a form of reliance.

K said this is a milstone.
I'm glad he gave me this perspective.
Because I didn't think of it this way.

It indeed is a milestone, isn't it?
A 15-month journey with Ellen, where she guided, supported and helped me.
And slowly left me to my own devices.
I'm thankful for the journey and for her being around.
18 sessions, of which the last 4 were just 30min or less than 30min chats.
It was a bittersweet bye that I said to her.

Forward
Onward
Keep going

Reminder

Headspace gave me this little nugget this morning:

"Ultimately, there is only one thing that creates tension: wanting things to be different than they are."

And this other nugget came was from yesterday:

"Before being able to let go of an emotion, we first need to be aware of the emotion."

11:15pm

Drafting and amending drawer media statements together with the comms team in case we kena any issue. At 11pm at night.

Laoniang is zombiefied. I started my day at 6:10am...and turned on both work PCs at 630am...

Just thankful that I took a 45-min nap in the morning and another 30-45min nap in the afternoon...

I hope tmr will be a non-event with zero prep and/or background work....

Mixed Feelings

K had a whole bunch of old clothes that he wanted to throw away.
Helper asked if she could have them instead. She might want some and those she didn't she would go ahead to throw.

And so...it has become that she took some of his old T-shirts and...is wearing them now.

A little strange lah....to see another woman wearing your husband's clothes....

Brings me some measure of discomfort but nevermind....
I guess....over time....laoniang will learn to dull this weird feeling...hmmm...

Hectic day

Somewhat hectic day.

• Morning rush to get the kids ready. 
• Cleared some emails and then rushed out in the heavy rain to head over to the Tampines flat. 
• Cleared an email and read a doc while in the cab. 
• Reached Tampines with 10mins to spare before my 10am meeting started. I felt 
• Participated in the 1.5hr call while concurrently packing some of my stuff and discarding other things. (Received feedback later on that I was clear-minded and made good points when I sought clarity and made suggestions on some of the processes and issues being discussed. That made me happy!
• Boss texted me after that to ask me to cancel my leave today since I already spent half a day clearing emails and being on the meeting. And that I would be on night duty this evening too.  Told me to take my time and pack my stuff in Tampines. Told me no need to rush home to continue work. Felt so thankful that he's so flexible and understanding. 
• Had a good breather during lunch when I sat down with Dad and ate together. Chatted with him and all. It was good and I felt happy. 
• Continued with abit more packing and then K came to help bring the stuff back home. 
• Reached home and put aside some boxes. (There're more in the carboot though...and 2 more big boxes still at Tampines)
• Managed to get an hour shut-eye in mid-afternoon though it was interrupted 3 times. Still thankful for it. 
• Continued working and spent some time discussing stuff in virtual meeting rooms. 
• Had dinner....and back to clearing some work and being on standby. 

It's 10pm...2 more hours to go...though I may get off slightly earlier....

Shack liao...

The big E lai liao....

And so...with this latest announcement...Things have been set into motion.
The wheels are turning...the spokes are cranking...the gears are shifting...

And laoniang...
Has to start night shift work from tomorrow onwards...

Of covert missions and operations...

I'm lucky though. Boss has very kindly placed me on the 4pm to 12am shift for this week and the 9pm to 1am shift for the week thereafter.
The guys are taking the 1am to 5am shift next week.

That said, the WA chatgroup will still be buzzing quite abit I think...
Laoniang will be panda-niang in the next 2-weeks plus....

Ganbatte....
This will be "national service"...

The weather

It rained everyday last week. Sometimes it started out hot, humid and sunny in the mornings, then started drizzling in the late afternoon.

The last 2-3 days though, it's been dark and gloomy. I'd say for maybe 90% of the day. And heavy rains start from 630am in the morning.

It's been cool (and cold too actually haha) and I kind of like it this way....more comfortable to stay home this way...and it makes me mellow and sentimental.

On the flip side, the weather's making my nose get stuffed up (and to have your nose get this way during this sensitive period isn't exactly good lol).

And it's making me feel like it's December WHICH MEANS....holiday mood.....WHICH MEANS....I feel like taking 2 weeks's leave to nuah at home....WHICH MEANS....I don't feel like working...WHICH MEANS....I just wanna sleep or do my hobbies all day....WHICH MEANS....I don't wanna earn my keep....WHICH MEANS....you get the drift....

And...my plants...oh my plants...There's only that much space in my balcony to play around with and with the number of pots I have, I can't shift them around too much also. So some pots are getting wayyyyy too much rainwater.....I hope they survive. I've not watered most plants for close to a week now. And I'm only giving the airplants a light cursory misting each morning as opposed to heavy misting twice a day when it's hot and sunny.

And the heavy rains are causing more and more pools of water to form here and there. Be it potholes on the roads, crevices on the sidewalks, small holes in the grass patches along the sidewalks, flower pot plates, etc...it even pools on random litter strewn on the ground. With the rise in dengue, it does bring me some concern.

==========
It's 730am on a Tuesday morning. 23 June 2020.
Raining cats and dogs (and cows and chickens) outside. I've started work already, before taking a short detour here...now I'm routing back...

Many things to settle today.
Icann stuff, 11am poly appt, 2pm Teams call with a Beijing-based registrar, 3pm call with a Malaysia-based registrar, 4pm call with DBS relationship manager....

Signing out from here....

Rant

When you don't do your job properly, and I point it out to you nicely, don't give me that attitude face. I did not scold you. In fact, you have been missing many spots in the house.

We have been relatively relaxed and don't impose many rules or restrictions on you. We don't check on you and give you the flexibility to handle the chores on your own schedule and ways.

But.

If there are dustballs in that particular area, it means that you have not cleaned that area for months. If there are brown spots on the soap dish, it means you have not cleaned that dish for months. If there are stains on an area, it means you have not cleaned that area for months.

So don't give me any attitude when I tell you to clean those areas.

You're allowed full access to whatever's in the fridge, freezer and food cupboards.
You get to enjoy a 3 to 3.5hr nap and quiet time each afternoon. We don't.
You don't even need to get up in the middle of the night if the kids wake.

Sigh.

Sheesh.

ganbatte!

Spent the last 1 hr plus or 2 hrs....helping S and D with each of their stuff.
Spent 3/4 of yesterday helping J out for the upcoming Board meeting because it's his first time handling and his partner L (who was supposed to guide him) is out of action these few days due to family matters...

Laoniang is superwoman....
Or should I say...
Laoniang is jack of all trades?
Or...
Laoniang is dope!

Lol....
Ganbatte......!

work

On the workfront...Several projects are hitting snags.

There's one long-drawn project which hit several administrative obstacles last year...and then now yet another major stumbling block. Sensitive as this involves an international not-for-profit organisation and certain diplomacies are "required". Sigh...

Another 3 or 4 which are somehow taking a long time to iron things out...you fix one bit and move on and then another hole appears that you need to patch or a spur appears that you need to pare down.

Ganbatte....ganbatte...ganbatte...

I want to tick things off my to-do list...I have done so for some stuff but these few things....aiyoh...irksome!!

Of Maths.....and.....oh well....

When you are doing HBL with your kid
When you are near her side when she is having a live session with her Math teacher
When you realise some of her classmates have already shouted out their answers and your kid is still staring at the sum and trying to calculate....
When you realise this doesn't happen for just one sum but seems to be a pattern across most sums

You start wondering which part of the bell curve is she at exactly, both within the class and within the cohort
You start wondering if you need to do more and if so, how
You start wondering if your kid (and you) can survive primary school in time to come
You start wondering how your younger kid will be like in 2 years' time

LOL....
piangzzzz

Ganbatte!

Tmr's the start of a new week.
It'll be a busy Monday, with a meeting starting at 8am. zzzzz.....Another conference call at 10am
And then the company townhall at 1130am.

A parent-teacher conference at 2pm.

And a discussion that might happen but not confirmed yet.

And I would really like to head out for a walk. I've not done so for the last 3 evenings. It rained everytime! I hope it happens tomorrow. There's a barrier I'd like to cross. A barrier that is both psychological and physical.

==============
A team meeting at 9am (and likely till 12pm) on Tuesday morning.
A webinar at 12:45pm on Wednesday.
A potential dispute case that might go to the courts.
A tricky situation with an international partner....

==============
May the week go well enough!
Ganbatte!!!

Plant time

Spruce-up time
Spent some time in the main balcony today. With a little helper in tow. Nana.

Got her to do the simple stuff like picking up dead/dried leaves from the floor, and picking them up (with a gardening tweezer) from within the pots. Took the opportunity to teach her some stuff about the Byrophyllum plants we have, and how they produce their little baby plants. And showed her the leaf patterns of the Indian Borage, and she helped to point out dead leaves on plants so I could remove them.

It was fun for me doing this with her and I hope she had fun too.

She said to me "I wish we could have our own garden".
Yes, sweetie. I'd like a garden of my own too....but it's unlikely to happen...so we'll just have fun in our balconies haha...:)

Byrophyllum
Aside from the 2 small pots of baby aloe vera that the girls have, they now also have 2 tiny pots of byrophyllum as well. Planted them this evening. :)

I prepared the soil and pots and the girls placed the babies into the pots themselves. It's a very easy plant to care for and the plantlets root damn easily. You really don't have to do much at all. Just give them enough moisture that's all.

I've currently 2 or 3 pots of this....well 5 if you include the girls' pots. I've thrown away many many small babies...and I would probably have maybe 50 pots of this plant now (or more) if I'd bothered to salvage and plant all those plantlets. It's probably the only succulent that the klutzy me can handle lol....

p/s: just found out this evening while reading up some stuff on the Internet, that the Byrophyllum is also known as the Mother of Thousands or the Kalanchoe or the Devil's Backbone.

Moss Rose
This little lady is a sassy one with attitude. She's bounced back beautifully from her battle with the mealybugs. New shoots appear every other day and she's also grown long and tall new stalks. Tall because they reach out for the sun. Quite cute to see those stalks like this.

Since that day when a lone pink flower finally bloomed, she's been blessing me with one small but bright pink flower every 2 days or so. It's a far cry from the early days when she first came to me though. Back then, she'd bloom like 6-10 flowers each day...easily. Still, I'm happy that she's progressed well, compared to just 1 or 2 months ago when she was ravaged by those damn bugs.

Japanese bamboo
It is shedding less now, but still looks a little shaky. I hope no more leaves turn yellow or drop anymore. I didn't do much to this fella, except to shift its location from the main balcony to my own balcony. And it's placed in a shadier area with no direct sun. It's still in its pot. I decided against re-potting it. Didn't want to stress it further. Relocation can already bring stress to a plant. If I repot it as well, skali it gets more stressed.

Good thing is that its tallest and main stalk has a new leaf unfurling at its tip.
Will keep this fella under close watch and see how....

Ficus Ginseng
The original one I had in the normal pot recently started shedding. I don't know why...:(
It went almost botak a year back. And then it slowly started growing new leaves a few months back. Though it never got back to its original state and was rather sparse. I was still happy but then now it's started shedding again. Leaves turned yellow and kept dropping...Didn't really spot many new shoots too so...I'm just wondering what to do with it.

The ficus ginseng in the green bonsai pot is doing ok....an occasional leaf turns yellow and falls off but so far it seems ok. I see some new shoots coming out so I'm hopeful...

Water Plum
This lady...has sprouted many new shoots and I spotted many new bunches of flower buds or at least the beginnings of what would become new clumps of flower buds. I hope many many new leaves spring up soon. To replace the sudden leaf dropping episode last week...I'd never seen that many leaves drop from this lady before...It scared me a little and I was hoping she wouldn't go botak on me.

Anyway, I've not figured out what to do with the bunch of seeds that I'd collected from the 2 seed pods a few weeks ago. Hmm....my balcony doesn't attract any pollinators at all (being on the 4th floor, and less accessible to bees and insects? haha...) so even if I have flowers blooming regularly from this plant, it is unlikely I will ever get any of them pollinated and produce seed pods later on.

Local pomegranate
This old lady...is going strong, although she constantly looks like she's half gone, in recent weeks, she started sprouting new shoots and new leaves. Perhaps it's due to me fertilising her soil or due to the recent rains bringing more minerals and nutrients to her. But I noticed several areas where new leaves and branches forming. That's good...:)

Only thing is, she also has many many dead branches. I've tried trimming them off but there're just too many of them....I'll just leave her be...again. She seems resilient enough to weather most difficulties herself. ;p

Birdspeak

Just a random thought of thankfulness.

There's a wide species of birds residing in my area. At least to the layman me, I feel there's really many different birdies here.

Growing up, I only ever saw sparrows and mynahs. For some reason, in the past few years here in Telok Kurau, and especially in the past 3 months when I've been home all the time, I've discovered so many different birdies here!

Many parakeets around - blue ones, green ones, yellow ones.
Orioles too...yellow and black ones...I googled and I think they're called Black-Naped Orioles.
Hornbills and koels too...though koels seem to be around lesser these days.

Went for a walk yesterday and saw many sunbirds (I think they are sunbirds) congregating in a clump of bushes...playing around and darting about with each other...

And of course, the ubiquitous sparrows and mynahs and pigeons and doves....

And should I include the neighbourhood chickens too? haha....there's a family of at least 6 roosters 6 hens and maybe 3-4 younger ones hanging around about 500m from our house...

Listening to all the birds chirping each morning has been quite the luxury...:)
Brings more depth and cheer to the environment....

Support

It's important who your co-workers are.

We are a small team of 12-13 pax. At least 2 irk me. I used to think maybe our 八字 don't match...till I discovered that others in the team face the same frustration (or more) when dealing with these 2.

Still, I am very thankful I have the rest of the team whom I can get along with. And amongst these are a couple whom I am quite close to and have come to rely on both as friends and as colleagues.

I refer to them as my pillars in the team...for shelter, for support, for strength, for companionship, for comradeship, for fun, for laughter, for peace, for joy..

Here's to ST, DC and LH and to a lesser extent, SP and Mas as well....
Thank you!

Music

Music days are back, at least for this week...
Back to immersing myself in Chinese songs, every since I listened to mini live broadcast Sun Yan Zi had on Tuesday night.

Folks accompanying me these 2 days:

Wang Feng
Zhou Shen
Sun Yan Zi
Hacken Lee
GEM
David Tao
Tanya
JJ
Beyond
MayDay

A good mix of singers from mainland China, HK, Taiwan and of course....Singapore.

Gaining strength from music. :)

Fighting! Hae su-iss-eo!

It was a long day yesterday. Feeling a little out of gas today...the oven-like temperature these few days is not helping too.

Started work at 7-ish yesterday and lasted till 8-plus at night, due to an exercise that I was involved in.
Had to then nag at and help Nadya to pack her bag for school today, and tend to Alyssa when she sought my attention....by the time I got out the shower, it was 9-plus and I felt quite zapped out.

Nevertheless..fighting for today!

Tummy

Oh that sour acidic feeling in your tummy the moment you wake.
That breathlessness that it sometimes causes.
That chest discomfort that it sometimes brings.
That tightness in the upper gut.
And even that middle back ache.

Tummy...争气一点!
Get well soon pls!

Is the milo at night making you worse? If so....I'll skip it even though it brings me much warmth and comfort....

Did the apples bring more acid to you? If so, I'll skip them too....

Do you want more water? If so...I'll drink more today....

Feeding you with toast this morning...it's been said that toast helps with diarrhoea and other stomach discomfort....

Get well soon ok....

How Time Flies

We're into June already.
Time seems to pass faster as each year goes by.
And yep, I say this every year.
The days are long sometimes, but the years are short.
Still learning how to be more positive, manage myself and keep going.
Doing better.
Slowly but surely.
Yeah!

Tummy woes

Friday evening, I had too much for dinner. I could feel some discomfort in the gut. That unmistakable feeling of bloatedness and indigestion. I could only have my own greediness to blame.

Saturday, our usual ordering-in day. Domino's pizza. That did me in...
I've not taken pizza for a meal for a long time. Even during National Day last year when we last ordered it, I remember taking very little of it. I took 2 slices for Saturday's lunch. The cheese was probably too much for me.

Chui after that.

This constant discomfort in the gut, and slight diarrhoea. And other symptoms which have not appeared for a long time, including bitterness in the mouth (from the acid), and more difficulty swallowing (like there's something extra in the throat/oesophagus).

I'm thankful though that it's not a bad case. The niggling nagging discomfort and tightness in the upper gut is till somewhat manageable. It's Day 3...hope it goes away soon....

Of songs...and little girls

Been letting the girls listen to some songs recently...and getting them acquainted with oldies (but goodies) and other newer (but still as classic) songs :)

Amongst them:

• Goodnight Sweetheart Goodnight - The Spanials
• Yakety Yak - The Coasters
• Fly Me to the Moon - Frank Sinatra
• Lollipop - The Chordettes
• 温柔 - 五月天

What's up next?

Beyond The Sea - Bobby Darin

And other good stuff by Frank Sinatra, Nat King Cole, some Tom Jones and Engelbert Humperdinck maybe?

Mixed Feelings

Glad
That the girls are in school, getting social interaction with their peers and learning in a proper environment under the guidance of trained teachers and not this pseudo Mama-attempting-to-be-a-teacher-while-half-distracted-by-work person.

Half-worried
The virus is still out there and veiled in some asymptomatic carriers. Of course it's worrying. At the back of my mind, there's a niggling thought there. And I believe most parents have this thought as well. We can only keep our fingers crossed. Some parents seem to be intent on keeping their kids at home and home-schooling them for the time being. Can't say it's right or wrong. I can only remind the girls not to touch their faces, and to stay clean and sanitise or wash their hands regularly. But kids being kids, they may say "ok" now...and then forget about it 5mins later.

Glad
That I can work or take a break in peace now and not get distracted by not-so-tiny voices seeking my attention, or their shenanigans..

Half-Emo
Yeah, part of me is glad they are out of the house. And the other half of me is missing them. Missing their hugs and kisses and affections and mischievious grins and pretty smiles. Oh, the irony.

Birdie

Recently, a black and yellow bird has been visiting my balcony. Ever since I hung up a bunch of erm....half dead Spanish moss near the balcony railing. Not the living room balcony but the one at my room. I've seen that bird 3 times now in the past week. I hope it visits us again. Not sure what it is, an oriole? But when I Googled, it looks a little different from the black-naped oriole that is common in Singapore.

Share with K an idea I had and he said he thought about it before as well. I was thinking of getting a bird-feeder and hanging it from our balcony. To feed whatever birds that come visit us. We've had some sparrows and mynahs swing by as well, though very rarely.

There are cheap ones on Shopee...i might buy one soon....:)

Oh my plants...

Sigh...my plants...it's either one or the other who will give me a headache.

Miss Water Plum is now suddenly protesting and many leaves are turning yellow. Just when I thought I did a good job of nursing it back to health after the mealybug infestation. Maybe I shouldn't have put fertiliser on it. Maybe I shouldn't have sprayed it with the organic insecticide last week.

So which caused the yellowing leaves? The insecticide? The fertiliser?

Sigh...see how it goes.....

Moss Rose! One flower finally bloomed! I was so happy this morning when I saw that lone pink bud appeared. After 3 months of fighting against the mealybugs and trimming it almost bare...it started sprouting new buds and shoots a few weeks ago and over the past week experienced a growth spurt after the heavy rains...Grow well please! And may more flowers bloom!

Japanese Bamboo
This fella is still not doing well. leaves are dropping left, right and centre. It looks really bare now. Could be root rot.....cos I plucked out a stem just now....and it came off easily...
I need to find time to repot it....hopefully that solves the issue....

I need to find time to trim the main Indian Borage plant too and pass to our neighbour....

........

When you are still plagued by doubts, uncertainties and worries.
It is strange. I was worried too about making big chances when I was younger but I guess stakes were lower then with no commitments (except to self). My worries were not so great and my adrenalin and bravado (or foolhardiness) was much higher then. I was also more carefree and just went with the flow. I didn't hem and haw so much...

Stakes are higher now? With kids, with own age and health to consider, etc.

I think I am just muddling myself up.
Again.